Pretty When You Cry | Jjk

— pretty when you cry | jjk

— summary: you will never get tire of being the reason for jungkook's sweet whimpers, the tears he shed because of the pleasure and how ruined he looked every time you made him cum hard.

jungkook is just so pretty, and even more so when he moans just for you.

click here to read (ao3)

— genre: smut, pwp

— pairing: (sub) jungkook x (dom) f reader

— word count: 5,3k

— warnings: praise kink, a little bit of degrading kink, vibrator, rimming, anal fingering, good boy jungkook, dacryphilia, subspace, orgasm denial, spanking, jungkook speaks in third person, noona kink

« "How does that feel, baby?" you spoke with a really soft tone, capturing his gaze.

"S-So-" he whimpered before he could finish the sentence. "So good, noona... Thank you." His eyelids drooped again.

You could swear to be the luckiest woman in the world right now. Jungkook was lying on the bed, completely naked, with a vibrator on stimulating him, and he was enjoying it like nothing else in the damn world. You simply couldn't describe how much Jungkook's submission makes you feel. It's glorious, and even more considering that he enjoys it as much as you do. »

Emerald Gem|| Chapter 1

Chapter one: Emerald Farm

Paring: OT7! x Fem!Reader

Overview: Living away from society has its perks. All natural food from your thoroughly cultivated farm, no nosy neighbors, and peace and security with your animals. But sometimes you did get lonely, having no one to talk to but the cows and pigs. However, when 7 extremely wanted hybrids stumble upon your deserted farm, everything changes.

Genre: Hybrid Au, Strangers to lovers, slow burn

unedited*

At dawn, the roosters began to crow. They were your personal alarm clock. By the afternoon, you would have the Vegetables plowed and all the pigs fed. Emerald garden, full of color, would be watered. After all the chores were done, you could spend time on your hobbies. Painting, writing, cooking.

You truly kept yourself busy. But it became boring at times, lonely.

Emerald manor, your beloved home, was built for a family. With a large living room, a generous dining room, and too many bedrooms, it could be overwhelming for you. You liked to think about how you could fill this space, getting married, having a family. But you quickly realized that those things don’t come easy. Tired of the loneliness, you thought about adopting a pet. Maybe a dog to help with the farm?

And one day while you're cleaning the chicken coop you spot a fox about to pounce on one of the chickens.

“Hey!” you exclaim. “Get out of here!”

The fox stopped in its tracks and peered over at you, giving an intimidating glare. Then you realized, that wasn’t a fox.

It’s a person.

“Wait!” you attempted to come closer, but with each step forward, the fox went two steps backward. “I’m not going to hurt you. I promise.”

The fox seemed dubious, cautiously stepping towards you. “F-food, please.” His voice was raspy, sore.

You immediately ran to get some food, coming back to the coop with some leftovers. Maybe this will suffice, you thought. You sat him down on the grass patch next to the chicken's den. You watched him devour the meal, as if he hadn’t eaten anything in weeks. Based on his appearance, he probably hadn’t. His fur coat was dirty and torn. You could see his ribs and his belly rumbled with each bite. “Sorry, miss”, he whispered.

You shook your head. “Don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong. I’m Y/n. May I ask your name?”

You could tell he was nervous. Something about your presence made him anxious and fearful. Is he like this with everyone?

“H-Hoseok”, the fox uttered. “But I can’t stay long. My pack is waiting for me.” With a slight struggle, he stumbles back on his two feet. You grab him before he takes off.

“Please wait”, you politely asked. “Let me give you some food to take back to them. Don’t leave yet.”

He paused for a moment, seeming to be pondering over his next steps. “Okay”, he spoke softly. “But don’t be long. They may worry.”

With that, you hurry back into your home, running to the fridge to see what you can scrap up. Hopefully I have enough for seven people, you thought. Maybe you can give them a couple of chickens from the coop.

While carrying plastic wrap covered plates to your garden, you hear a scream coming from the coop. That must be Hoseok. Without haste, you ran to the chicken coops, the food left for the birds. Hovering over Hoseok was what looked like a wolf– well half wolf.

“Back away from him!” You yelled at the top of your lungs, trying to scare off the scary hybrid. He ignored you completely. Suddenly, you gain the courage to step up to it, pushing it off of the fox.

“Are you okay?” You helped him back on his feet, feeling the trembles in his hands. “Did he hurt you?”

“N-no, he would never hurt me”, He stuttered. “You don’t understand.” You looked at him confusingly, then looked at the wolf. He was fuming with anger.

“Y/n, this is my packmate, Joon.”

***

You’re not sure how feeding one hybrid led to having seven hybrids on your couch, but you have no one to blame but yourself.

“You want us to do what?!”

“Live here?” It was really just a random thought that popped in your head. You didn’t give it any thought. And seeing them dirty and hungry on your couch just made you blurt it out. Hoseok seemed thrilled but his Pack alpha, Joon, wasn't too excited.

“You must be out of your mind”, he laughed. “What do you think we are, pets?”

“No, not at all!” You shook your head. Something in the back of your mind tells you that they’ve been burned before, that they’ve been mistreated. You feel sort of sympathetic. Could they not trust anyone? “You guys don’t even have to stay here long. I just want to treat your wounds and offer some food.”

He still seemed doubtful. “Yeah? And what’s in it for you?”

That's the question he's been dying to ask. What about you? You thought about it for a moment. Wouldn’t any human being want to help out someone in need? The answer to that is no. However, maybe they need some good in their lives.

And you could use the company.

“Well, I kind of live here by myself”, You explain. “My parents moved to the city so I don’t see them often, and I don’t have any other family or friends. If I’m being honest, I really just need someone to converse with. And maybe a little help around the house.”

One of the packmates raised his hand, as if asking permission to speak. “We left the other home we were in. They may still be looking for us. We don’t want to put you in any danger.”

“We can figure all that out later”, you promise him. “Right now, you guys just need to wash up and get a proper rest.”

Hoseok turned to Joon, waiting for his response. “Please, Joon. We’ll be good, I promise.”

He glared at you for a second, trying to sense if this was another trap. Maybe she’s genuine, he thought. “Okay, but we won’t stay for long.” You could hear sighs of relief. Even you let out a puff of air, not realizing you were holding your breath.

“Thank you. Thank you so much for trusting me. I know that’s not easy.” You gave them a tour of Emerald farm, showing them their sleeping quarters and where they can wash up. When evening came around, you prepared a feast. Your hybrid guests gobbled down all they could– except Joon. He didn’t eat, probably from fear of being poisoned. Hopefully, one day he’ll trust me, you thought. But for now, all you can do is show them tender care and affection until they believe it.

When it becomes time for everyone to sleep in their rooms, you're left alone in the living room with our thoughts. Maybe some television will clear your mind. You never really use it. Living on a farm left you with plenty of other things to do, but why not? Turning on the television, you flip through the channels until one catches your attention.

Breaking news! Seven dangerous hybrids escaping from a research facility

*Taglist open!

---

promises

pairing: reader x namjoon

summary: marriage life with namjoon hasn’t been the same lately. he’s been cold and distant, always whispering on the phone. and you can’t help but notice…

genre: angst

content/warnings: established relationship; married!au; idol!namjoon; cheating/infidelity; implied sex; eventual smut; explicit sex

soundtrack: lemonade by beyoncé

a/n: this used to be a series but I decided to rework it into a oneshot. The plot is mostly the same, however now the reader gets to choose the big decision at the end (kind of like a choose your own adventure).

word count: 18k

Pray you catch me

♪ you can taste the dishonesty/ it's all over your breath, as you pass it off so cavalier. but even that's a test/constantly aware of it all/my lonely ear/pressed against the walls of your world. ♪

. . .

Something is wrong.

You don’t know how or when things changed, but something shifted between the two of you. There is a distance now, more tangible than the miles that separate you from him when he’s on business trips. Farther than the long-distance phone calls that became less and less frequent. Even now, as you lay in the same bed with him only a few feet away you can tell.

Something is wrong.

Because you can’t remember a time when you and Namjoon had ever been so far apart.

He would always come home late at night. Languid footsteps trailing towards the bedroom. Eyes tired and red from too many hours spent awake working on the newest album. Gravity pulled him down in a slump that could only be from the heaviness of leadership, from carrying the weight of the entire group.

And though he was exhausted, he would still find a way to come and take care of you. Even dead-tired, his warm brown eyes would light up and his lips would curl at the sight of you. He’d make his way over and pull you close, until your bodies became an entangled mess of arms and legs, chests pressed together as you curled into each other's warmth. His fingers would run soothingly through your hair and he’d ask you how your day went. The moments you spent within his arms seemed to make even the bad days good.

But it's been a long time since your husband held you close and melted away your bad days.

The clock on your nightstand reads 1:23 AM in angry red letters when his phone goes off in the middle of the night. You can hear the sheets rustle and feel whatever is left of his presence slip away as he sits up, answering on the second ring. “Hello?” Before you can even stop yourself the words are flying out of your mouth. “Who is it?”

The woman who speaks sounds nothing like you. Her voice is broken and fragile, spiked with worry and fear. He shrugs his shoulders and rolls his eyes because, “It’s just Yoongi.” The lie rolls off his tongue effortlessly. You are already hurting and the way he brushes you off tears right through you.

It’s not Yoongi. You know better. Your husband’s best friend loves his sleep and would never stir in the middle of the night. You want to confront him, put all your thoughts out in the open but before you can even gather the courage, he stands up, makes his way across the room and closes the door behind him, leaving you alone.

Again.

Somehow you can’t decide what’s more unsettling: the loneliness you feel when your husband leaves or the loneliness you feel when he’s around.

You are too unnerved to go back to sleep. Not that you are sleeping anyways. Now that you are truly awake to the situation before you, sleep does not come. You’ve been staying up for days, eyes wide open. But it was more than just insomnia. Your mind is awake with all the possibilities, visualizing every single scenario. You can’t close your eyes because in an instant you are there. Thinking about it all over again. You can't ignore it, nor pretend not to see it. You are not blind anymore. And so sleep does not come.

With every nerve on edge you throw back the covers and swing your legs out of bed. You can’t just lay there trapped within your own mind. You need a distraction—any distraction from the truth. Even if the only release you can find is putting your body into motion. You find yourself pacing back and forth, frazzled energy bouncing from one point to another.

Until you hear him laugh. It’s a deep and throaty noise that breaks through the walls and interrupts your racing thoughts. You find yourself tiptoeing closer to the sound, trying to be as quiet as you possibly can so you can creep up and press your ear up against the door to listen. How desperate you are, eavesdropping like this. You feel ashamed for sinking this low, but that shame does not stop you from wondering if you should get the glass from your nightstand so you can hear him better. If you could only hear what he was saying! But the words are muffled, like he’s talking underwater.

He used to talk to you all the time, share his innermost thoughts, his nightmares, his dreams. Talk to you about everything and nothing. Work and play. Past and present. But now, nothing.

Now all you got were glimpses of his world.

You used to be his world.

The realization leaves you cold and you press yourself closer to the light trickling through the cracked door. You can see him now. His back is turned towards you and he’s hunched over, phone clutched to his ear like he’s trying to keep all his secrets from spilling out of it. In that moment, you pray he will turn around so you can read his lips and decode whatever it is he’s whispering huskily into the receiver. You pray he will turn around and catch you. You wonder what he will do. Will he jump? Will he be angry?

Ironically, out of all the times you’ve prayed for God to answer you during your marriage, this is the prayer God answers because it happens. He turns around.

You expect to see the face of a cruel man. You could not have prepared yourself for what you do see. Because when he finally turns around, it’s not the face of a monster, but the face of your first love. Namjoon is smiling. Smiling. This is the moment your heart breaks. When was the last time he smiled at you like that? Pink lips pulled back, pearly whites gleaming. Dimples flashing in his cheeks. The way his eyes squint into tiny crescent moons.

When was the last time he smiled at you like that? You can’t remember. Your mind flickers through the memories filed in your head, though each image never seems to be quite right. Maybe because they are now clouded with suspicion. Was that last smile real? Or merely a mask?

The fact that you can’t be sure made you anxious. You can’t tell the difference because you didn’t know him anymore. Where was the man you loved? This person you do not recognize. His eyes are dark, lit with the desire you once thought was only reserved for you. You watch as his lips curl from a smile into a wicked grin.

Something is wrong.

You tried to fix it. The problem. You. It had you be you, didn’t it? Maybe he wanted someone more gentle. You tried to be meek, mild, and kind. Soft spoken, as you were always previously so assertive. You didn’t want to chase him off with harsh words or accusations. You wanted to be what he wanted. You thought that maybe he wanted someone sexy, so you tried to be that too. You made your eyes smokey and put on red dresses, even though you hated the color red. You wanted to be enough. You tried everything to get his attention, but it made no difference. You still ended up in this exact moment.

A sigh slips past your lips, almost a whimper. It’s the sound of loss.

This is when he sees you.

His smile disappears. Then he walks forward and closes the door in your face, shutting out the light and leaving you in darkness.

. . .

When he comes back to bed—wearing a scent that is distinctly not yours—it’s 5AM. He kisses your forehead and climbs underneath the sheets, yet the distance between you remains. Maybe you already know the answer to the questions that keep swirling in your mind. You don't want to believe that he broke his vows. But that hope does not stop the doubt you feel every time you look at his face.

Are you cheating on me?

Don’t Hurt Yourself

♪ I am the dragon breathing fire. Beautiful man I’m the lion Beautiful man I know you’re lying…. ♪

. . .

It is quiet in your house. The sun and it’s warm amber glow have long since disappeared, fading into black. The stillness is unusual. Normally you hate such things, always needing some sort of noise playing in the background like the tv or the radio while you clean up and do work, but not today. You need the silence so you can collect your thoughts and prepare yourself for what you are about to do.

You are done being passive. Sick and tired of sitting and waiting around for a man who did not so much as blink an eye at you. You are done crying. You already cried so much. All your tears have dried up and gone away. You can’t bring yourself to be sad anymore. There isn’t any room for you to hold inside two emotions. Especially when all you can feel now is anger.

You are mad as hell.

So you came home from work and sat down on the couch, waiting on him for one last time. Head held high, poised and collected. Muscles coiled and ready to pounce.

Just like clockwork, keys slide into the door and Namjoon comes in at a quarter to three, completely unaware of the situation he just stepped into. Looking up he stops, surprised to find you sitting in the living room. He can feel something is off. Sense it in your body language, see the difference in your eyes. For a minute, he wonders if you know what he’s been doing all night long...but that’s impossible right? How could you possibly know?

But you did know.

You watched nonchalantly as he flashed a casual grin your way. “Hey babe...what are you doing up so late?“ You didn’t respond right away, taking the time to examine him closely before you decide to speak.

“Where were you tonight?”

The second the words leave your mouth there’s a shift in the atmosphere. Thick silence fills the space between you, but your eyes never leave him. You see him blink, catch the bob of his adam’s apple as he swallows down a gulp, note a flicker of emotion pass in his face too brief to figure out the expression. Was that fear? Was he nervous?

But then he laughs. It’s almost a scoff as his eyebrows pull together he shakes his head in what masks as confusion. “What?”

“I know you heard me Namjoon, I’m not going to ask you again.”

“What are you talking about? I was with the guys tonight, we—”

“Don’t,” you stop him, holding up a hand. ”Don’t do that. Don’t lie to my face. I am so tired of you lying to me, please for once just be honest.”

He doesn’t say a word, only sighs and runs his fingers through silver locks and as unsatisfactory as it is, you realize this action is the closest you’ll ever get to a confession. But it’s not enough. Your hands come up to rest on your face almost like prayer before you ask your next question.

“Did you sleep with her?”

“God (Y/N), are we really doing this right now?”

Anger presses up against your chest and before you know it, you’re on your feet. “Yes, Namjoon, we are really doing this right now. Because I can’t stand one more minute of this fake marriage. I’m not stupid. I see you! And I’m not going to pretend like I don’t anymore.”

“Fine. Fine! What do you want me to say, huh? What do you want?”

“I want the truth!”

He fixes his gaze, eyes locked on you. “Oh, you want the truth? Ok here’s the truth. Yes, I was with her tonight, and yes I fucked her, and it was the best goddamn fuck I’ve had in months. Is that what you wanted to hear? Are you happy now?”

His words hit you like a bullet to the heart. No, you weren’t happy. You wanted his candor but not this. His tone...the way he was talking to you...You almost couldn’t believe it. How could he? The man you called your husband would never so much as raise his voice towards you. Yet here he was, spitting out cruelty. The brutality of his words mixed with his contempt was too much. Your nails dug into the couch as you tried to steady yourself, tried to push through the pain.

Your mind was swimming with information, trying to come to terms with the new knowledge but one question still lingered. You had to ask:

“Why?”

“Fuck, why? I’m on tour all the time, It’s not like you’re around?”

Are you kidding me?

Whatever pain you felt quickly turned to anger and you whipped around to face him.

“Who the fuck do you think I am Namjoon?! You didn’t marry one of your little groupies. I have a job and a life! I can’t just drop everything and follow you around the world like some love-sick puppy!”

“Yeah well, maybe if you did I wouldn’t have needed to find someone else.”

The nerve of this man!

“So you want my entire world to revolve around you? You are so selfish! As if I don’t already do everything for you. I cook, when you come home at night there’s dinner on the table. I keep this house spotless, but it’s not like you’re even here to notice--”

“I’m not here cuz I’m too busy working the job that got you this house in the first place!”

“Wow. So it’s ok for you to be away from me on your job, but if I can’t be there for you then I’m the problem?” You stared him in the face, only to be met with a glare to rival your own.

“You’re a real piece of work Namjoon.”

How is it that he could look at your relationship and see only your flaws, but never his own? You should have known better than to put all your faith in a man with a god-complex. He only ever cared about himself and his own career. All he had were excuses. You started to walk away from him when his next words stopped you in your tracks.

“Oh please, don’t act like you’re so perfect. It’s not like you haven’t done it.”

You cast an incredulous look over your shoulder. “Excuse me?”

Just what is he trying to imply?

Namjoon rolled his eyes. “Now who’s playing dumb. I’m not stupid either, I know you’re seeing him behind my back.”

This again? “How many times do I have to tell you, Jackson is just a friend.”

“You’re a fucking liar. He doesn’t look at you like ‘just a friend’, I know you slept with him.”

Now you were furious. You took several steps towards him till you were so close you could feel his heated breath on your face. “Let’s not get it twisted, I’m not the cheater—You are!” you said, jabbing a finger into his chest. “You don’t get to put this on me! You and I both know I’m not the one who’s unfaithful!”

By the end of your sentence you found yourself out of breath, panting. You were shouting the entire time. Unable to keep the fire inside; your fury, abated. You looked at your husband, finally eye to eye and sighed.

“I wouldn’t do that to you.” You spoke, your voice coming out much softer than either of you had expected. “I wouldn't do anything to disrespect you like the way you disrespect me.”

Once again silence swelled within the room and all you could do was look at him and wonder how you had ended up here. The two of you never used to fight, not like this. It was never this bad. But things were different now.

“W-why did you do this to me? To us?” On your wedding day you both took vows to be united as one in this relationship. He was hurting himself just as much as he was hurting you but he was so wrapped up in his own pride that he couldn't see it.

“Are you even sorry?”

Namjoon didn't say a word.

You closed your eyes and counted to ten, trying to find some kind of peace. But by the time you finished counting your anger still hadn't subsided. You couldn't find peace because there was no peace here.

Everything in this relationship was so, so hard. You couldn't pick up the broken shards of your relationship all by yourself and he wasn't even trying to fix it.

“I can't—I can't do this anymore”

Namjoon narrowed his eyes. “Can't do what anymore?”

“This!” You yelled, throwing your arms out.

“You. Me. Us. I can’t do it anymore and I don't want to.”

And with that you spun on your heel making a direct line for the bedroom. You could hear him follow behind you, but you didn't care. Your mind was focusing on something else now.

All you cared about was getting the hell out of there. You went into the closet and pulled out an overnight bag, snatching clothes off hangers and stuffing them inside.

“What are you doing?”

You had to laugh at his question. “Isn’t it obvious? I’m leaving you.”

You didn’t stop packing. After taking out enough clothes you grabbed your bag and walked out of the closet. On your way you caught a glimpse of Namjoon with a blank expression on his face.

“Don’t tell me you're actually surprised?”

Brushing past him, you made your way to the bathroom. “I was so blindly in love with you that even when I knew—I knew what you were doing, I tried to stay. But I deserve better. I deserve so much more than you.”

After gathering the rest of your stuff you turn around to walk out the door only to find Namjoon leaning against the frame. Taking in his image made your steps falter.

He looked strong and athletic in a white muscle tee. His arms were crossed over his chest, a gesture built out of displeasure, but only served to highlight the curve of his biceps. When you finally tore your eyes away from his body and up to look at his face, you sighed. He was clenching his jaw, showing off all his angles while his lips pushed out into the perfect pout. His eyes as always were dark, intense, and fixed on you.

Well, not always fixed on you.

He was so beautiful and you hated him for it. Or rather how he made you feel. He could still make your heart skip a beat even as it was breaking.

Yes, you still loved him. But clearly his love for you didn’t run quite as deep.

“So what now? You want a divorce? You signed the prenup. You're not going to get any money out of me.” He growled, voice deep and raspy.

There he goes again, always so damn arrogant…..His words served as a reminder. This is why you had to go. You broke eye contact, concentrating on zipping up your bag. “You can keep your money. I’ve got my own, and I can take care of myself.”

You crossed in front of him, swiftly taking a pair shoes then sitting on the bed to put them on. It dawned on you that he didn’t even ask you to stay. But then again, although it hurt to make this decision, you didn’t have to blink away any tears.

“Where the fuck are you going?”

You laced up your shoes, pulling the strings tight. “I don’t know.” You snapped. “Since you seem to think all I do is sneak around behind your back, maybe I’ll go see Jackson. Or maybe I’ll go out and find me another man. All I know is, I’m never coming back to you. I can promise you that.”

You weren’t playing nice but you were honestly so done with his attitude, mistreatment, and all the pain he caused you. Confident in your decision, you got your bag and stood up, striding towards the exit.

“Hey!”

You ignored him.

“Don’t walk away from me when I’m talking to you!”

“Kiss my ass, Namjoon!” You sassed, walking out the door and out of his life.

Resentment

♪ I may never understand why. I’m doing the best that I can. And I tried, and I tried to forget this. But I’m much too full of resentment…

. . .

Kim Namjoon knew you would probably leave him if you found out about his affair.

You weren’t the type of woman to let yourself be walked all over, and honestly he was surprised you’d let him get away with it for so long. For months you put up with the late night calls, the sneaking around, the constant lies...And he watched the light dim in your eyes as he broke his vows. It wasn’t like he wanted to cheat on you—not at first.

But anytime he was away from you on tour he just got so lonely.

Sure he had his bandmates and his fans but when the stage lights turned off and the cheers died down none of that was enough to keep him going. Whenever he got by himself it’s like the floodgates opened up. And all the pressure, the high expectations, the push for success, the hate, all of it came washing over him.

And Namjoon felt like he was drowning in it.

As much as he wanted to tell you what ailed him, he didn’t wanna put you under any more stress. You were already constantly worrying about his welfare, filled to the brim with your own concerns. He didn’t think it fair to make you shoulder his burdens as well. But holding all his feelings inside only made things worse.

The helplessness, the anxiety...he just wanted to make it go away. Even if only for a moment. And that’s all it was. A moment of weakness.

The first time it happened he regretted it immediately. He stayed up the whole night, staring at the ceiling, consumed by his guilt. It was the biggest mistake he had ever made. He planned to go home and just come clean, tell you everything that happened. Then beg and beg for your forgiveness.

All he could do on the plane ride back home was pray to God you would somehow take him back.

But then he saw your face. The bright smile you gave him when he walked in the door and heard the joy in your voice as you greeted him. Felt your love as you curled into his embrace, nudged your head in the crook of his neck and whispered “I missed you so much”.

How could he tell you the truth then? How could he tell you what he had done, that he’d broken his promise and given himself to another? He wasn’t even on stage, yet here you were, looking at him with stars in your eyes. You were the only person who truly knew him, flaws included, and despite it all you still loved him.

He couldn’t watch the love and devotion in your eyes turn to hatred and disgust. He couldn’t cope with the reality of the situation. The fact that your heart might close to him forever, that you might leave him.

And then he’d really be alone.

No, that couldn’t happen. If you left..? At the time, he hadn’t wanted to even think about it. So instead of doing the right thing and being honest he closed himself off. If only to keep himself from breaking down. Everytime he looked at you he felt ashamed of his actions. It didn’t feel right, lying to you. Maintaining a distance was the only way he could keep his secret a secret.

The second time it happened, it wasn’t a mistake. A mistake repeated more than once is a decision. And when temptation swept by, manifesting itself in long legs and a warm body to hold at night, Namjoon couldn’t resist.

The guilt hit him just as hard, if not harder than the last time. If he had to face you in that moment without a doubt he would have spilled out all the ugly truth. But it didn’t happen that way. He was on tour for an even longer time than usual, and the separation gave him more than enough time to compose himself, to bury the guilt far enough where it would not resurface. But in doing so he had to become a different person to you. Hard. Cold to the touch.

It affected him as much as it affected you. With every shrug and look of indifference, every evasion he could feel himself slipping further and further away from the man he wanted to be, from the man that you deserved.

And yet, he couldn’t find it in himself to stop.

The third time it happened, you knew. Even now he couldn’t figure out what tipped you off. He knew there wasn’t any lipstick on his cheek or lingering perfume (Namjoon was stupid for cheating, but he wasn’t that stupid). Nothing tangible to hold your suspicion but you felt it. You questioned him, asking things like ‘what’s wrong?’ and ‘did something happen tonight?’, each inquiry only put him on edge and he snapped at you, starting a fight to distract you from the truth.

That night he left home, seeking comfort in the arms of the first girl he cheated with. He crossed a line that night. He knew he shouldn’t have met with her. But she already put her number in his phone and he was too much of a coward to be left alone with his thoughts in a hotel room. But in doing so he opened up pandora's box. He lay in her bed as she stroked his ego, telling him how important he was, how much better he deserved.

And soon enough he started to believe it. That he was better than you and that you were somehow, not enough for him. His superiority somehow justified him stepping outside his marriage. He found himself faultless, thinking it was your job to keep his interest and if he wasn’t happy, it was only his right to seek out happiness elsewhere.

But now, sitting alone in this dark house, all Namjoon could see was how wrong he was. So very, very wrong.

Months. You’ve been gone for months now. At first, he barely missed you. He didn’t have to. The very next day he had to fly out to Tokyo for a concert and he went back to his regular routine. Practice. Performing. Parties. The occasional girl to keep him satisfied. He didn’t need you then. And why would he? When he had all the people surrounding him, screaming his name. Singing his praises. He had no need to miss you until he went home. And that's when reality sunk in.

He came home to more than just an empty house. As the days rolled by he came to realize just how much you took care of him. Not just as a homemaker but as a mate. You were his heart, the sun and moon, his entire world. Namjoon could have killed the man who said you don’t know what you have until it’s gone because as cliché as it was, the expression couldn’t have been more accurate and the truth stabbed him like a knife.

The loneliness he felt when without you was ten times worse than when he was with you.

Your presence had a bigger impact on him than he could have imagined. Something about your ambience was instantly calming. Even if you weren’t doing anything together, whether it be just sitting on the couch or laying in bed beside him your being there gave him peace.

He tried to fill the void, find your image in the millions of girls that threw themselves at him, the women he led to his bed deep within the night. But there was no recreating you.

Namjoon hadn’t known peace since the day you left.

If it was possible he was even more restless than before. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had a full night's sleep. It had to be retribution for all the nights he kept you awake with the creeping thoughts of his betrayal. You, the love of his life, who he took for granted.

He ruined the best thing that ever happened to him, for his own selfish desires.

All because he lied.

And now all he wanted was a chance to get you back.

He pulled out his cell phone, trying to reach you again. He couldn’t keep track of all the times he called your phone, only to be met with your voicemail.

When he watched you walk out that door…a part of him hadn’t really recognized it as real. He was too full of himself to see it happening. His ego told him you’d be back, that you wouldn’t—couldn’t—really leave him. You’d cool off for a couple of days, then come back and try to make things work because that’s the type of person that you were.

He knew you were strong. Strong enough to move past his mistakes. He just didn’t know you were strong enough to move past him entirely.

Namjoon runs a hand across his face, dials your number, and prays. He’s not necessarily sure who or what he’s praying to, but he could really use a miracle right now. Because that’s what it would take for you to actually pick up the phone.

“(Y/n) please, please pick up.”

The phone rings once, twice, three times and then—

"We're sorry; you have reached a number that has been disconnected or is no longer in service.”

He hangs up, angry.

He doesn’t have the right to be angry, that much he knows. Mercy and grace from the woman he scorned is far too much to ask for, but he needs you, and he’s desperate, so he’s asking anyway.

Namjoon foolishly made the mistake of thinking that you couldn't live without him. But it was he who was the one who couldn’t live without you.

So he’ll keep calling. Even if it only goes to voicemail. He’ll keep leaving message after message after message.

Whatever it takes.

…

♪ I may never understand why. I'm doing the best that I can. And I tried, and I tried to forget this. But I'm much too full of resentment...♪

…

You wake up to the sound of your phone ringing. You didn’t have to check caller ID to know who was on the other side of that line. Annoyed, you sighed and rolled over onto your side. Curling up into the couch, you choose the warmth and sweet bliss of sleep over another argument.

“Aren’t you gonna get that?”

“No.” You answered without so much as opening your eyes.

Behind you, you could hear Jackson moving around, presumably to shut off your phone (you didn’t care enough to look).

The ringing grew louder and louder and soon enough you could feel your phone vibrating against your back. “(Y/n), answer the phone.”

“No.” You repeated, throwing the cover over your head. It’s entirely too early for this. Didn’t he have something to do? Wasn’t he busy? You didn’t understand it. Now that you were separated, he suddenly had all the time in the world to call you?

You could hear Jackson sigh behind you. “I swear if I have to hear your ringtone one more time—I’m going to lose my mind. Just answer the phone!”

“If it bothers you so much, why don’t YOU answer it!”

“M-me! Me?” Jackson sputtered. “Do you want me to die? Do you know what that man would do to me if he found out you were staying with me? He would kill me.”

That much was true. Namjoon would be furious to find out you’d been staying with your male best friend, which is exactly why you went to Jackson’s place when you left him.

Was it petty? Yes. Was it worth it? Hell yes.

If his feelings and pride were hurt than good, that made two of you.

“I mean, I could probably take him. But Namjoon when he’s angry is a totally different person. Actually no, he wouldn’t just kill me. It would be murder in the First degree. I’m not answering.”

“Then put it on silent. I don’t care, I’m not talking to him.”

Suddenly, the warmth of your blanket was ripped away from you, forcing you out of your bubble of comfort. “Did you—did you just snatch my cover off? Jackson!”

“(Y/n),” He said, coming closer and taking your hands in his. “You are my best friend and you know I’m only saying this out of a place of love, but this has to stop. You have to go.”

“You’re kicking me out?”

“Look, it’s not like I don’t want you here, I love having you around you know that. It’s just—you’ve been hiding out on my couch for a couple of months now—”

“—Hiding! I’m not hiding!!!”

“And I refuse to harbour a fugitive anymore.”

“I’m not a fugitive…” you grumbled.

Jackson shot you a cross look.“Namjoon is searching high and low for you and you’re avoiding him here, in my apartment.”

You rolled your eyes. “Ok, AND?”

“And! I really don’t think staying here is doing you any good. You are not dealing with what happened. It’s not healthy. He’s calling for a reason, you need to talk to him. You can’t run away from this…”

You bit down on your lip, contemplating everything he said. He wasn’t really wrong. But you were far too exhausted to deal with Namjoon again.

You couldn’t go through another fight.

You weren’t angry. At least, not in the way you were before. The last of your anger had been exerted in a fit of rage when you returned to your home to pick up some things you left behind. This is what you told yourself. A lot of damage had been done. Broken dishes, shattered glass, photos ripped out from picture frames. Tiny vengeful acts that piled up to one huge mess. After all of it you were only partially satisfied. But that time had come and gone, you didn’t think you had any more fight in you.

You were filled with too much bitterness, too much resentment for any of that.

No matter what, you still couldn’t wrap your brain around it. How could he do this to you? You thought that having him speak the truth and actually admit to what he did would give you peace of mind but all it did was give you more questions than answers. Now just the thought of talking to him made bile rise up in your throat.

“I...I don’t even know what I would say to him.”

Jackson narrowed his eyes. “You don’t have to say anything. He’s the one who fucked up, he should be doing all the talking.” His expression softened. “But...I think you should listen. If this is really over, you need closure.”

“And on that note, you’re gonna pick up the next time that phone rings or I will revoke your couch privileges!” He said, standing up with a smile on his face.

“I hate you for this.” You growled at him.

He smiled back at you, “I love you too.” He kissed your cheek, placing your cellphone in your hand, then left for his bedroom.

You looked down at the piece of metal in you hand and sighed. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t talk to him. And yet...there was still this small part of you that wanted to hear his voice. Determined to ignore that emotion you stood up from the couch, headed straight for the kitchen. Stress eating had become a terribly bad habit of yours, but you couldn’t help it. You were the type of person who ate her feelings (and honestly, food does make everything better).

You were shuffling through last night's leftovers, trying to decide if you should heat up a plate of dukbokki or humor yourself with dessert for breakfast when Jackson’s home phone went off.

You waited a bit, figuring he would pick up eventually, but he didn’t. “Jacksonnnn~”, you whined. Nothing. Whatever, you thought. I’ll just let it go to voicemail.

You turned back to the fridge, taking out a pint of ice cream when the beep of the machine sounded and a voice broke through the apartment's silence.

“Hey (Y/n),” At the sound of your name you immediately stopped everything and froze.

“It’s me, Hobi. I know you’re crashing at Jackson’s right now,” Your jaw dropped. How could he know that? You didn’t tell anyone where you were going.

You could hear him giggling on the phone. “Don’t worry I’m not gonna tell. I know you don’t wanna hear anything that I have to say but I’m still gonna say it anyway.”

“Namjoon’s a mess...We've been through a lot together—I’ve never seen him like this before. He made a mistake. A big mistake, and he knows it. But he loves you more than anything. Just hear him out okay? And not for him, but for you...I know you still love him too. Call me back, yeah? If you want, you can ditch him but don’t ditch us! We all miss you over here…..Take care of yourself.”

By the time the message ended you had teary eyes, only half a pint of ice cream left, and a decision to make. Suddenly, you didn’t have much of an appetite.

And then the phone rings. Your phone.

You let it buzz for a bit. Fully determined to ignore his call once again. But you couldn’t stop looking at the phone. Everyone’s words were circling in your head. What if your friends were right? Were you making a mistake? Would you regret this in the future?

The phone just keeps ringing. You wished it would stop so you didn’t have to think about any of this. You closed your eyes and decided to let fate make the choice for you. If he called back, you would use the last bit of fight in you to answer the phone. But if the phone call ended and he didn’t call back...then you’d really be done and let everything be.

Your ringtone died and you held your breath, waiting.

There was a long pause. Nothing.

Maybe he'll give up. Maybe he’s sick of all this too.

Expect—the phone rings again. Namjoon was still fighting for you.

So you pick up your phone, press the answer button, and put the phone to your ear.

“Hello?”

…

♪ Loving you was easy once upon a time. But now my suspicions of you have multiplied. And it's all because you lied. ♪

…

“(Y/n)?”

“Yeah, it’s me.”

“I......I didn’t think you would actually pick up the phone.”

“Neither did I…”

Silence is a funny thing. It’s nothing, and everything at the same time. Somehow the emptiness is still able to fill a void. Nothing is said aloud, but a thousand words are said in the silent space between you and Namjoon. It’s probably only been a few seconds, but it feels like minutes have gone by, or maybe even hours. In those moments of suspended time you decide you don’t want to listen to anything coming from him. Not even this silence.

It’s almost as if he can hear your thoughts. “Don’t hang up!”

His voice is rushed, desperate…..and soothing. Though you’ll never admit that you miss the sound of his voice. Your intellect tells you not to listen. To block him out. Hang up the phone, and move on with your life, you don’t need anything from him...Maybe that was true. But underneath all the hurt, and the deeply buried anger, there was a part of you that wanted something from him.

What that something was you couldn’t tell, but it was enough to make you linger.

When you didn’t hang up, Namjoon spoke. “I called you. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for months now.”

“I know.”

“Why didn’t you answer?” His voice was strangled, raw. If you didn’t know any better you would think him to be holding back tears. But you couldn't even remember the last time you saw Namjoon cry.

“Maybe I wasn’t ready to talk. Everything isn’t always about you.”

You can hear Namjoon take in a breath on the other side of the line and you imagine him clenching the phone in a fist, the way he always does when he makes an important phone call. The silence stretches on for a beat too long and you’re two seconds away from hanging up again when he speaks. “I don’t wanna fight. I didn’t call to argue with you.”

His words are soft, yet you still find yourself on edge. “Then what do you want, Namjoon?”

“I want to see you.”

“No.” You said, shaking your head. Not gonna happen. You find yourself pacing against the kitchen floor. “I don’t want to see you.”

“Why not?”

His words are a match, igniting your fury and immediately all of the anger you worked so hard to keep suppressed comes bubbling up to the surface. “Why not? Are you serious?!”

“After everything you’ve done you really think I wanna see your sorry face again?” Tears filled your eyes—but you were frustrated—not sad. You were letting him get to you. Namjoon always made you feel too much. You knew you’d get worked up if you talked to him, it’s why you put it off for so long. You worked too hard to try and keep yourself together for him to tear you apart again.

You want this to end. “I have nothing to say to you. Goodbye, Namjoon--”

You take the phone from your ear, ready to press end call, and you would have, if you didn’t hear his faint voice through the speaker say: “If you feel anything for me at all, don't hang up!”

You can’t do it. Hang up. You won't lie to yourself. But you can’t force out a response either. Instead, you lean against the counter, letting the silence take over as you wait for Namjoon to form his next sentence. “I don’t blame you for wanting nothing to do with me. I didn’t call you to make you upset. I just want to talk about us.”

Us. What a foreign concept. You try picturing it in your mind but no matter what, you still can’t form a full image with the two of you together. You’d been apart for so long, and if you really thought about it, the separation began long before you ever left home.

“There hasn’t been an us for a long time. I tried to talk to you before—look what happened. I’m tired Namjoon. I just—I can’t keep doing the same thing over, and over again.”

“It’s not going to be the same.”

You frown. “How can you say that?”

“Because...I’m not the same. I’ve had a lot of time to think things over. I know I fucked up (Y/n), I’m so sorry.” You scoff at his poor attempt at an apology. “I’m supposed to accept that? You think you can just call me up, apologize over the phone, and everything will be okay?”

“No, of course not.” You hear him exhale sharply. “I know it’s going to take more than that. But it’s not gonna get better if we don’t talk about it. We can’t move forward if we don’t talk.”

“What makes you think I want to move forward?”

“You didn’t hang up…”

You hate that he’s right. You want to pretend like it didn’t mean anything but it did. It would be so much easier to just let it go—to let him go. Beyond all reason, you’re still hanging on to this relationship.

“Can we just talk, please. Just...just come home.”

“That’s not my home. It’s not. So much shit has happened in that place…” Your voice cracked and you couldn’t even finish your sentence.

How could you call that place home? Nothing felt right there. All it held were bad memories. Thinking of it only brought back the nights you spent alone, those times you cried yourself to sleep, and the worst fight you ever had with Namjoon. There was no peace there. You couldn't go back to that broken place. You feel a tear roll down your cheek and you quickly wipe it away. This time you knew the tears you cry come from pain, not frustration.

Dammit, I said I wouldn’t cry for him anymore!

“It is your home. It’s our home. You can come back anytime.”

“I don’t want to!”

“Okay, okay.” he said, his voice gentle. It was the same voice he used to use when he used to talk you down from your bad days. You could tell he was trying to calm you down, and it made you angry that it was kind of working. He suggested an alternative: “You don’t have to come home. Let’s just meet up somewhere.”

You don’t want that either. “Namjoon...Do you have any idea what you put me through?...W-why would I want to see you? Why would I want to hear anything you have to say?”

“I..I don’t have an answer to that. But I know you deserve an explanation.”

That made you quiet. These past months all you did was ask yourself why. Why did he do it? What reason did he have for breaking your heart? And there were so many more questions. You knew you wouldn’t get any peace of mind until they’re answered. It was what you wanted. No, needed.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll do it,” You conceded. “Where should we meet up?” You were not going ‘home’. You don’t feel comfortable there. There was a lull on the other line as Namjoon thought of a location.

“Can we meet at our place?”

. . .

You knew exactly what Namjoon meant when he said “our place”. When the two of you first started dating, it was really hard for you to be together. You work as a stylist at a fashion magazine and you met him and the other boys while working at a photoshoot. Namjoon caught your eye with his intuitive gaze and cool persona. He spoke to everyone on set with a natural esteem you found attractive. You were so surprised when you actually got the chance to speak to him and he turned out to be nothing like he appeared.

Gone was the calm, collected image you saw in front of the camera. Namjoon stuttered when he asked for your name, his cheeks bloomed into a rosy red. His nervousness charmed you, and in that moment, somehow you knew you would end up falling for him hard.

It didn’t take very much for you to give him your number. But finding a spot to go on a date with the famous rapper proved a bit more difficult. You never liked the idea of sneaking around, but you understood why. Namjoon wanted to keep things private to protect you, just in case the news of him dating didn’t go well with the public. For a long time it seemed like there was never going to be a place where Namjoon wasn’t recognized.

All the face masks and hats in the world couldn’t hide his fame. You grew tired of being swarmed in coffee shops and restaurants. You just wanted a place where you could talk, maybe hold his hand, and be at peace. Ironically, you found it when you stopped looking. It ended up not even being in a building, but instead an empty park.

Its lush greenery held quiet beauty. Not very many people knew about it, which made it perfect.

Some of the biggest conversations you ever had as a couple were spoken out here, and today was no different.

You walk up to a table nearby, tugging on the hem of your white summer dress. Fidgeting like this makes you feel stupid. You shouldn’t be nervous. If anyone should be nervous for today’s meeting it would be Namjoon. But ever since you agreed to see him, a bad feeling formed in the pit of your stomach. You didn't want to be nervous. You didn’t feel like you’d make it out of this alive if you were. You had to be steel. Strong, unbreakable. You couldn’t allow yourself to get hurt again.

It did not surprise you to see him there early. He was the type of person who liked to be punctual. Or at least he used to be. You had to remind yourself that he wasn’t the same person you married. You didn’t know anything about him. Hell, after the last few months you were still trying to figure out some things about yourself.

Under the shade of the table's umbrella, Namjoon sits, bouncing his leg up and down. The only other time you’d seen him this nervous was during BTS’s first dome concert. His head faces down, staring at the ground with a look so intense he doesn’t even notice you approach him. The daze is broken once you sit down on the bench.

Namjoon jumps up, eyes wide as he looks at your face. “Y-you came?!”

It takes all your strength not to roll your eyes. Obviously...you thought.

He clears his throat, quickly sitting back down. “Thank you.”

For a while you just look at each other. You have to calm your heart as you take in his appearance. He’s just as handsome as you remembered. But something was different. He changed his hair. His silver locks were now a honeyed blonde. The warm glow of his skin had disappeared. And his once bright eyes now hold dark circles underneath them. He looked like shit, but you were still attracted to him, what logic was that?

The air tenses with silence, the way it always seems to do when you’re around him now. This is a mistake. Neither of you know where to begin. You hate it, but you know this conversation will never get anywhere if you don’t initiate it. “You said you wanted to explain. So explain.”

Namjoon looks tense. “I-i don’t even know where to start.”

That irritates you. You came all this way, and he didn’t even plan what he was going to say?

“What about the beginning?”

Namjoon sighed. He licked his lips, folded his hands, and then he did it. He told you everything. He told you about his anxiety, and the loneliness he felt. The desire to make it all fade away even for just a few moments. How he almost came clean the first time around. And the guilt that festered inside him for keeping the secret for so long.

“I wanted to tell you. But I knew I couldn’t tell you I cheated and keep you I—” Namjoon stopped. He looked away from you, biting down hard on his bottom lip before returning his gaze to yours.

“I was selfish. And I was wrong. There is no excuse for what I did. I’m so sorry, (Y/n).”

Your lips parted in shock. Going into this situation, you expected things to go a whole lot different. You expected him to try and defend himself, or at least blame you for the reason he cheated…but that wasn’t happening. Namjoon wasn’t trying to justify what he did, but instead taking full responsibility for his actions. Those words weren’t coming from the same man you walked away from. That man was filled with too much pride to even acknowledge his own actions—let alone apologize for them.

His actions surprised you. It was almost enough to make you drop your guard. Almost.

“I know you have questions. I’ll answer anything you ask me honestly, I swear.”

You paused. This is the moment you've been waiting for, and now that it was finally here you didn't know what to say. There were so many questions you wanted to ask. But you want to be sure you'll ask the right questions. And that you're prepared to hear the answers. Once you got the information you were dying to hear, you couldn't give it back. You’d have to live with it.

Finally, you spoke. “How’d you do it? How’d you keep this a secret for so long?”

“I kept a second phone hidden.”

The answer came with some relief. You knew you weren’t crazy, that there was some secret method to his deceit. The idea had come once or twice to go through his phone, but you knew Namjoon would never be that messy. “Did anyone else know?”

He nodded once, and a wave of aggravation rippled through you. “Some of the members knew.”

“Are you serious?” You laugh, but the sound felt hollow coming from your lips. “They must think I’m so stupid….”

“You know they don’t think that, they love you.”

You grimaced. Yeah, right. “Not enough to let me know the truth.”

Briefly you wondered which members knew and what kept them from coming to you, but you tried to push those thoughts away. You came here with questions for Namjoon. Nothing else mattered.

“Was it emotional?” You asked. “Did you love her?”

He shook his head vigorously. “No. No, it was just physical. They didn't mean anything to me.”

All the blood in your body went cold. “They?”

Namjoon opens his mouth. Then closed it again. “Shit.” He hoped to leave that part out of this meeting. A part of him knew it wouldn't be fair to you but would the truth really be any better?

“.....There was more than one girl?”

He ran a hand down his face then nodded, avoiding eye contact. “Yes.”

Through gritted teeth you ask, “How many?”

You wait for an answer but this time Namjoon keeps quiet. “You said you'd answer anything.”

“I know—”

“So that was a lie?”

“No.”

You crossed your arms over your chest. “Then why won't you tell me?”

Namjoon tensed, jaw clenching. “I don’t wanna hurt you.”

You narrowed your gaze on him. “Well it’s too fucking late for that don’t you think? ‘Honestly’, huh? You’re so full of shit Namjoon. Being honest means telling the whole truth. All of it!”

“How many?” You press. Part of you is afraid of the answer but you still need to know.

You wait, staring him down but Namjoon looked away. He can’t say it looking you in the eye, instead he buries his face in his hands then mutters out the word three.

“Three?” You repeat.

You lean back from him, gripping the edge of the table. It felt like the world was spinning around you. Wow. Three girls. Three different girls.

Sensing your distress Namjoon quickly added. “They're just girls. They don’t matter.”

You shook your head, refusing to accept that for an answer. “Of course they matter. You made a choice to go to them, instead of me. I have to know why. What did they have that I didn’t?”

“Everything.”

Ouch, okay. You close your eyes as the pain from that statement washes all over you. The pain you feel isn’t new, but familiar. Like reopening an old wound. But Namjoon isn’t finished. Before you can even process his words he speaks again. “They were selfish, demanding, and manipulative...the complete opposite of you.”

You feel your brows pull together. “Is that supposed to make me feel better? The fact that all the women you slept with are somehow lesser than me?”

Namjoon looks confused and hurt. “(Y/n), I don't know what you want from me. I can’t change the past, all I can say is I’m sorry.”

For so long all you wanted was for him to apologize. Really apologize. No excuses, no bullshit. But now that you finally heard it, sorry just didn’t feel like enough. Instead his words make you feel empty inside. Sorry, isn’t enough to stay. You want to leave now.

Clearing your throat, you got ready to go. “I don’t know what to say to that and I don’t have anymore question so—”

“Can I ask you a question?”

You huffed out a sigh. “Fine.”

“Why did you leave? You said you'd never leave me.”

You feel yourself flush with frustration. “And you said you'd never cheat on me. Promises mean nothing. Words, mean nothing. The only thing that matters is how you act.”

“Besides,” You said, looking away from him to the beautiful summer landscape. “You didn't try to stop me. It's like you didn't even care.”

“Of course I cared. I made a mistake—”

Standing up, you slam your hands down on the table. “It was not. A mistake! Oh my god! How can you still not get it? Cheating is a choice! You made a choice! You think I didn’t get lonely all those nights I spent by myself? You think you’re the only man who’s ever approached me???”

“Of course not—”

“No. Of course not! Because I’m a catch, Namjoon.” Not caring how loud you get, you raise your voice. “I am kind, I am smart, I am ambitious, I am beautiful. You had to be out of your fucking mind to cheat on me!” You said, pressing your index finger against your temple.

You’re crying now, hot tears streaming down your face.“Why can’t you see that? Everyone else can.”

It’s the only question that goes unanswered. Namjoon stares at you, eyes glistening, but he doesn’t say a word.

“I can’t do this,” You wiped at your wet face frantically, standing up to leave.

(Y/n), please.” Namjoon moved to stop you but you ripped out of his grasp.

“I have to go.” You say reaching for your bag, ready to walk away from him, from your marriage, and all the hurt he just laid at your feet.

Love Drought

♪ Nine times out of ten, I'm in my feelings. But ten times out of nine, I'm only human. Tell me, what did I do wrong? Feel like that question has been posed. I'm movin' on.

. . .

You haven't seen Namjoon but that doesn’t stop you from thinking about him.

You think about him almost every single day. What was he doing? How was he moving on without you? Was he moving on at all, or was he just sitting around somewhere...waiting for you to come back?

All these questions only fueled your anxiety and your determination to stay as far away as possible from Namjoon. If you didn’t see him, if you went away...Then those questions would go away too, right? You were going for the whole ‘out of sight out of mind thing’. But it wasn’t working. Because even though you said you were done—Namjoon still had pieces of you. Literally. Your things still remained untouched at the house.

You meant it when you said you didn’t want to go back home. But you needed to come get your belongings. It takes all of your strength to make the drive over without stopping to throw up, or cry. Stepping inside the place where your marriage died was the last thing you wanted to do on your day off. You put off the inevitable for months but it’s time now, you’re moving on, and you’re moving out.

So why was it so hard for you to move past the front door?

You stood there, frozen at the threshold. Heart aching at the thought of what you’re about to do. Fuck (Y/n), you cursed at yourself.You’re a grown ass woman, you can do this. Get in there. It was dead quiet in the house, as you hoped. You’re too much of a coward to call Namjoon and let him know you’re coming to take the last of your things. Couldn’t even text him. No message you typed out felt right. Anything you had to say you already told him. At this point, you both know your marriage is at its end. All you can do is pray that he won’t be there the same time you are. It’s why you chose to come in the evening. Namjoon wouldn’t be home until very late at night because of his schedule. It would give you enough time to get most of your things packed up.

Bawling your hands into fists you gripped your door key tightly, slid it in the keyhole, and unlocked the door. You take two steps inside, close the door behind you, and it feels as though you’ve stepped through time. It’s like nothing’s changed. You don’t quite know what you were expecting. You didn’t have any expectations coming over, but now looking at the space before you, you decided this isn’t it.

The house isn’t spotless, but it’s tidy, neat. In stark contrast from the last time you were here, and the fit you threw. Somehow you expected the house to look exactly in that state: broken. But nothing’s really changed. Soon your feet take on movement of their own, walking you towards the bedroom. Being back in that room is strange. It's almost as if you never left him at all. The sunset pools through the window, drowning the bed in light that looks like honey. The space has the essence of your home. The only difference you feel now is the emptiness. You spent many nights home without Namjoon but it never felt like this.

This time you’re really all by yourself. You don’t live in the same house anymore, but you're not completely alone living off your bestfriends couch. It’s been years since you’ve remembered what it feels like to be without a partner. You wondered...This emptiness...Is this what it would feel like to live without Namjoon?

You swallow down a sob, trying not to drown in your loneliness and turn and walk into the closet. Remember why you're here. Get your things, you just have to make it through these next few minutes. You reminded yourself that the hard part, the confrontation (and the leaving) was already over. All you have to do now is pack.

Strange enough your heart still aches, though not in the way it did before. This is not the ache of betrayal. You truly believed that pain would never subside but it did. Not by time but by choice. You had to choose to let go of the anger and the hurt, choose to free yourself from resentment. No. This ache was something else entirely. But you couldn’t put a name to it.

You step inside your closet, eyes studying your hung up clothes and the suitcases hidden underneath them. Not wanting to spend any more time than needed here, you got on your knees and started pulling out suitcases, folding up clothes, and putting them away. It all went much quicker than you’d expected (you got most of your clothes out during the beginning of your separation). You were picking off hangers at the end of the closet when you came across a garment bag. The garment bag.

Right away you knew you shouldn’t. Only a masochist would unzip the garment bag to their wedding dress when they’re currently living apart from their husband. And yet, you still did it. Tentatively your fingers reached out to grab hold of the bag. You pulled it into your lap and slowly undid the zipper. Then you saw your wedding dress, and you melted. As your eyes traced over the lace detail the memories of that day flickered through your mind.

It wasn’t at all what you expected. When you were younger, you always dreamed of a big wedding, everything you've ever heard about in fairytales. You wanted it to happen early in the morning, in a beautiful church with stained glass windows, surrounded by all your friends and family. You expected there would be flowers everywhere, and something else, something special. The romantic in you hoped for doves or maybe butterflies. And your dress? Only the most regal ball gown would do as you walked down the aisle to the man of your dreams.

Of course, fantasies rarely become reality. The issue of privacy is important when marrying a celebrity. At the time, just getting married seemed impossible, let alone doing it big. With the group's growing fame and Namjoon’s busy schedule, how could you find the time to get married? Or find a venue where fans or media couldn’t find you? You’d have to plan every second, every detail. Nothing could be left up to chance. Both of you were so in love but also, so very stressed with the situation before you until Namjoon made a second proposal.

“Why don’t we just elope?” he asked.

It was late at night. You lay in the comfort of his arms, head resting on his chest and mere seconds away from blissful sleep, so it took you a full minute to process that sentence. You lifted your head to look into his eyes. “What?”

Namjoon smiled down at you, thumb rubbing slow circles against your back. “Let’s just do it. Get married, I mean. Who says we have to wait or plan? I love you. I wanna marry you now.”

You sat up in bed, propped yourself up on your arm, and searched his face. “Are you serious?”

You watched amused as he narrowed his sharp eyes at you in a mock glare. “Why would I joke about this? Of course I’m serious! Let’s do it.”

You looked at him hard for a minute, but when Namjoon didn’t flinch you knew he was for real. Then of course the panic kicked in. “Baby, what? Let’s do it? It’s not like we can just walk into a church and say ‘I do’ !”

“Technically, we can.”

You shook your head, “No. What about all the plans we’ve made? I already booked the venue, and our caterer—”

Namjoon rolled over onto his side, facing you. “So we’ll cancel. The date’s still months away, that's more than enough time to give notice that we’ve changed our minds.”

You laughed,, but your shaky breath came out like a scoff. “Do you know how hard it was for me to get those reservations?! That cathedral is wedding heaven! It is stained glass perfection. The wait time is usually up to a year. A YEAR. And our cake, it’s being made by Giovanni Bianchi—world renowned pastry chef—Giovanni Bianchi. It’s a seven-tiered baked dream. And you want me to cancel?”

To your disbelief Namjoon simply shrugged. “Do we really need all that?”

He reached out, taking your hands in his. He looked down, stroking them with his thumbs in an effort to soothe you. “Grand cathedral or not, as long as we’re together, I’m already in heaven. Our wedding will be perfect no matter where we are because we have each other. And the cake? Well, why would I need a dream cake, when I can have my dream girl?” He said, winking at you.

Your heart swelled at sweet words. As much as you wanted to roll your eyes you couldn’t help but smile. God, he was so cheesy. But isn’t that why you loved him? Still...you felt anxious. He might have melted your heart, but you weren’t fully convinced.

“Yeah okay, very smooth. What about our families? They’ve been looking forward to this so much. Our mothers will murder us!” You made a face, suddenly remembering your wedding party. “Oh the boys…..Jin will be so disappointed if he doesn’t get to be your best man” (you distinctly recalled him rejoicing at the news knowing he’d be “the most handsome” best man ever).

Namjoon brought your fingers to his lips and kissed the tips in between explanations. “It’s not about them”. Kiss. “Jin will get over it”. Kiss. “Our families will forgive us”. Kiss. “We’re not getting married for anyone else but us, we can do it however we want.”

You nodded your head in agreement, though you were still unsure. You knew all these things. Of course your marriage would be just for the two of you. You had no interest in simply performing the act for others approval. You loved Namjoon, you loved your relationship together, and you wanted to do what felt right for the both of you. Still, you couldn’t help but worry about the public’s opinion.

“What about your fans?” you asked. “What if pictures get out?” The whole point of all this planning was for privacy. The world knew BTS was dating, many fans suspected they had secret girlfriends, but a wife? How would they react to that? You didn’t want to hurt anyone, least of all Namjoon and his image. You know how hard he and the rest of Bangtan worked to be respected in the music industry. What would happen if the world found out their leader was dating a nobody like you?

Namjoon looked you straight in the eyes, and spoke in a calm voice. “I don’t care. I’m not ashamed of loving you. Let the whole world see that I’m marrying the kindest, loveliest, soul I’ve ever known. I don’t care what they think, or what they say. I just want you. All I want is to be your husband, and for you to be my wife. Nothing else matters.”

You felt another wave of love pass over your heart. His sincerity stunned you. You glanced at him with glistening eyes. “Namjoon…Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

He grinned at you, letting go of your hand to reach up and cup your cheek. “Are you done yet?” He teased. “Despite all your protests, I haven’t heard you say no…?”

You took a second to think through your conversation. Namjoon was right. You never said no, because as crazy as it was, you agreed with your fiancé wholeheartedly. You wanted this, you wanted him just as much as he wanted you, and you wanted to get married as quickly as possible. With a new resolve you shifted in the bed straddling him, then wrapped your arms around his neck. “Okay,” you said.

Namjoon raised both eyebrows up. “Okay!? Just like that? Anything else I need to assure you of? We have our marriage license. I have a tux. You already have your dress. I know you’re concerned but we have everything we need.”

You nodded. This time you were sure. “Let’s do it.”

Namjoon hesitated, then his face broke into a smile that was so bright it gave life to one of your own. In that moment you realized what you thought to be nerves earlier was really just excitement. You brought your hand to his shoulders, squeezing tight. “We’re getting married,” you whispered, voice full of awe.

“We’re getting married!” Namjoon echoed.

Before you knew it, you were walking down the aisle. You let him plan it all. You got married at night, in a small church, without stained glass windows. There was no big guest list, but neither of you could stand the thought of going through the ceremony completely by yourselves, so you allowed for your immediate family to be there (that included Yoongi, Hoseok, Jin, Jimin, Taehyung, and Jeongguk). Flowers did not adorn every pew, but the space was illuminated by soft and warm candlelight. No butterflies or doves. It wasn’t like what you imagined in your head. Life rarely coincides with those kinds of plans. But Namjoon was right. Because you had each other, it was perfect.

In the end, the only part of your wedding that lived up to the fairytale was your dress. It was everything you wanted in a gown. All white with a sweetheart neckline, crystal embroidery and layers upon layers of tulle. The dress felt a bit heavy, but you can still remember the look on his face when he lifted your veil. In one glance, he made all that weight disappear. You felt lighter than air. “You look like an angel.” He whispered, voice sweet and low, so only you could hear. In that moment all you could feel was love.

So how did you end up here? Clutching your wedding dress on the closet floor, desperately wiping away tears. God, what a mess you are. You pushed out a breath and started shoving the white, fluffy fabric back into the garment dress. It was a mistake taking this out. You couldn’t get it back in again. Your fingers slip as you try to grip the zipper, and you can’t tell if it’s because of your sweaty palms or your wet tears, but it won’t budge. Why won’t it zip? You pull up hard, snagging the dress in its teeth.

Shit. Frustration flushes through you as you snatch the zipper back down only to hear the distinct sound of fabric tearing in the process.

You shut your eyes tight, shoulders slumping with defeat. When you opened your eyes again all you could see was the rip in the dress, threads straining and unraveling all at once. It looked as torn up as you feel inside. Part of you is falling apart at the idea of leaving Namjoon, pressured to leave all of this pain behind and let go of the relationship. Call it mind over matter. It didn’t make sense to stay with a man you had broken your heart and your trust. All logic told you to divorce him and never look back. You know this. And yet? There is a part of you aching to repair what’s been broken, pull out the sorrow from this home, and heal all the hurt.

You were so busy wrapped in your thoughts that you hadn’t heard the door unlock, or footsteps tread into the bedroom. From the corner of your eye you saw a glimpse of blond hair, wide brown shoulders. It was Namjoon. You couldn’t help the startled gasp that fell from your lips.

“(Y/n)”, he breathed. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Namjoon kept his distance. He didn’t look at you and didn’t cross the threshold of the closet door, generously leaving space between you. Instead, his eyes were glued to the floor. “I saw your car out front, but I didn’t think it’d actually be you here.” He reached up a hand, rubbing the back of his neck. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. I don’t mean to be rude. I’m just...confused.” Namjoon glanced up at you from underneath his eyelashes then slowly, his smokey eyes rose to meet yours. “Why are you here?”

“. . .” You faltered. Once Namjoon laid his eyes on you, you softened, even after all this time he had that effect on you. You were still consumed in thoughts about your marriage...feeling that again, you didn’t know what to think. You almost preferred it when you felt anger or pain at the sight of him. Instead you felt something else. You looked down at your lap, fingering the dress. Was it longing? You started again, making eye contact. “I came back to get the rest of my things.”

A look passed across Namjoon’s face but before you could identify it, it was gone. Namjoon nodded, looking away from your face. His gaze shifted to your hands. “Is...is that—”

“—My wedding dress? Yes.” You tried to think of an excuse, some reason for you having it out but nothing came to mind. You shrugged, settling for the truth. “I just wanted to look at it I guess.” Both of you ignored your tear stained face.

Namjoon bit his lip, the silence stretching between you until he said, “I’ll leave you to it,” and abruptly walked away. Finally alone you breathed out a sigh.

You felt a tinge of disappointment. And you were angry with yourself for it. You don’t know what you were hoping for, or what you wanted to get out of that conversation. What’d you expect? Did you really think after everything that he’d lower himself one last time and beg for you to come back? Again? The man you married you would have, but the man who cheated on you? No, he had too much pride. This wasn’t a romance movie where the couple fights and breaks up but somehow everything magically fixes itself and they get back together. It was really over.

The finality of it all stunned you. You sat there, numbing yourself to the pain for a minute. Then you striantened out your wedding dress, and zipped up the garment bag. This time it went up without a hitch. You were just getting up off your knees when Namjoon whipped back into the room, surprising you.

“I know you could care less about anything I have to say right now,” he began, raising a cautious hand. “You probably hate me, and I understand that. I hate myself for what I’ve done to you.” He looked up in thought then pressed his hands into his eyes. When his hands fell away you braced yourself for what came next. “I’m asking you for a second chance. I’m asking you for a second chance because I love you more than anything. You are the love of my life, and I’m sorry I forgot that. I know you don’t owe me anything, least of all your forgiveness.”

He stopped, voice thickening as he gulped down tears. “But I’m asking for it.”

“I couldn’t live with myself knowing I didn’t do everything to get you back.”

Tears filled your eyes. “Are you saying that, because you love me? Or are you saying that because you want me back?”

His gaze never wavered. “Both. I want you back, because I love you. Knowing you and loving you has been the biggest blessing in my life. I don’t regret it. I'd do it all over again, just to have you in my life. Even if it meant losing you. ”

All at once it hit you. That feeling, the one you struggled to identify when you held your wedding dress in your arms. It wasn’t longing. It was love. You were still in love with Namjoon.

And so you did the unthinkable. You kissed him.

Sandcastles

♪ We built sandcastles that washed away. I made you cry when I walked away, oh. And although I promised that I couldn't stay, baby. Every promise doesn't work out that way.

. . .

It only takes seconds for you to cross the space between and press your lips to his. For a moment, Namjoon doesn’t move—doesn’t even breathe. Then his arms wrapped around you, brought you flush against him and you melted in his embrace as he kissed you, his lips softer than ever. Deep down, you know you shouldn’t. It would be too painful to become wrapped up in Namjon again only to tear yourself away from him. But your body has a will of its own. When his tongue swept across your bottom lip, you parted for him like the red sea and every emotion you’d ever felt for him came flooding back.

Every kiss you’ve ever had, every whisper of “I love you,” all of it ignited in your mind the second Namjoon kissed you back in a moment so intense you felt your body tremble at his touch. His lips moved gently over yours while his hands came up to cup your cheeks, and before you know it, you find yourself in the middle of the most sensual kiss you’ve had in your life. Namjoon kissed you like he was hungry, tongue rolling into your mouth. You couldn’t help but moan, arching into his embrace.

It was shameful how your body responded back to him. You could feel your heart rate increase, the heat rushing to your cheeks. You couldn’t remember the last time you wanted him like this. Your thoughts traveled back to the words that sparked your desire: “I want you back, because I love you. Knowing you and loving you has been the biggest blessing in my life. I don’t regret it. I'd do it all over again, even if it meant losing you.”

All this time you’d been fighting against your love for Namjoon, convinced any feelings he had for you were long gone. But everything he said proved otherwise.

It was confusing to you. You spent so much time thinking that Namjoon didn’t want you anymore, you’d even come to accept it but now? You didn’t know what to think. Your mind was screaming for you to pull away, stop before it went any further. That everything you were doing right now was wrong. Except, it didn’t feel wrong. It almost felt...good. Right.

The truth is you feel exactly the same. Despite everything you’d been through, you still loved Namjoon. He was the love of your life and you wished with everything in you that you could turn back the clock and start over. If what he said was true—if there was even a possibility of Namjoon still loving you, you needed to feel that.

Namjoon’s touch made you desperate. You found your hands tracing the planes of his body, running down his muscular arms before coming back up as you linked your arms around his neck. He kissed you deeper, groaning low in his throat, and the sound was enough to drive you wild. Even this close, you couldn’t get enough of him. All you could feel was the compulsive need for more. More of his touch. More of his kisses. More, more, more.

You could feel Namjoon’s body backing you up to the bed. Your knees hit the mattress and you allowed yourself to fall back against the soft sheets. But Namjoon didn’t fall with you. You opened your eyes, instantly giving way to panic. His pause alarmed you. Your anxiety reared its ugly head, speaking cruelty into your mind. How could you be so foolish? What were you thinking, kissing Namjoon? He didn’t actually want you. He was leading you on, playing with your feelings. That’s why he stopped.

You pulled yourself up, leaning your weight back on your elbows to look into his eyes. You expected to see cold rejection on his handsome face, but what you saw in his gaze wasn’t at all what you imagined. Instead, when you looked into his eyes, all you could see was raw, unfiltered desire. And strangely enough, uncertainty.

Namjoon had a million thoughts racing through his mind, all of them questions.

How did he end up here, with you spread across his bed when only minutes before you seemed worlds apart? The situation didn’t feel real, more like a fantasy, like he dreamed you up. But if this dream was real—if this dream was really coming true—should he let it?

Of course he wanted you. If you kissed him like this a couple of months ago, Namjoon wouldn’t hesitate to take you; he’d have his way with you until you screamed his name. But tonight, the last thing Namjoon wanted. He’d spent months craving your touch; the feel of your lips against his, how the heat of your body felt flush against his. He caused you enough pain acting on his lust. He didn’t want to hurt you further by taking advantage of the situation.

Both of you got caught in an emotional whirlwind but this kiss was a mistake, wasn’t it? He looked down at you, waiting for you to push him away but you didn’t make a move. Instead, you stared at him, desire burning in your eyes. God, that look alone was enough to arouse him. Still, he didn’t make any move to kiss you.

You took a moment to look at Namjoon, really look at him. Trying to uncover the emotion swirling behind his dark eyes. The longer you stared, the more you felt like your heart was going to burst from your chest. You could see his uncertainty but the feeling wasn’t mutual.

Was it insane to sleep with your soon to be ex-husband? Yes. Did it make you want it any less?

Not even in the slightest.

I must be losing my mind. You couldn’t explain it yourself, but kissing Namjoon opened up something in you. Feelings you didn’t know you still had swept all over you. Heat washed over your body. You could feel your skin flush, passion stirring in your blood.

“Are you sure?” he asked, voice taut with apprehension.

Your body was practically screaming yes. But Namjoon’s hesitation made you pause.

Reading the confusion in your eyes, he quickly backtracked. “I’m not saying I don’t want to—believe me I do—I just don’t want you to do something tonight that you’ll regret in the morning.”

Your mind wasn’t there. That moment seemed so far off from the ever-present now and the rapid beating of your heart and the warmth of Namjoon’s body. You knew you had to make a choice. Yes or no. There was a small voice in the back of your head cautioning you against this. But tonight you were following your heart. Consequences be damned.

You looked up at him and nodded. “I want this.”

Namjoon leaned forward to kiss you, and you shivered at the feel of his lips against yours. This time, there was no hesitation. You couldn’t remember the last time Namjoon kissed you like this. Slowly, tenderly, like this kiss mattered. Like you mattered. Any inhibition you had melted away as you leaned into his touch. You felt yourself lower back down onto the bed. Namjoon’s hands passed over your body, slimming down your waist, before coming to rest on your thighs. You let them linger there, savoring the feeling of his hands on your body.

Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him closer. You were so into the kiss, the feel of him you didn’t notice his hands pry off your clothes until you were left in only your underwear.

He stopped then, pulled away from your lips to look at you. Then the only thing you could feel on your body were his eyes drinking you in. The eye contact alone had you squeezing your thighs together. You watched the heat build in his dark gaze until his eyes lingered just a little too long, until your skin tingled all over from the intensity.

Then he was all over you, leaving open-mouthed kisses down your throat. Hands cupping your breasts. The feel of him against your thigh. It was an assault to your senses, but instead of overwhelming you, it only made you crave him even more. You arched your back as Namjoon kissed your collarbone, slowly making his way down the valley of your breasts. You moaned at the sensation of his tongue moving down your body, closer and closer to where you needed him most.

“Namjoon,” You breathed, body humming with pleasure. He looked up from between your thighs, dark eyes connecting with yours for a split second. You watched as he hooked his fingers into your underwear and dragged them down your legs. Then he gave his complete attention to your body, licking a long strip straight down your center that had you moaning his name again.

Namjoon gripped your thighs firmly in his hands, pulling you closer towards him. He wanted you to know that this meant more to him than just sex, that he loved you, and that he was more than willing to show you just how much. He takes his time tasting you. Each lick languid and loving. He didn’t want to tease you, all he wanted to do was to please you. To touch you and erase the pain he caused--even if only for a second. Namjoon swirled his tongue across your clit. Once, twice, a third time, drawing sweet moans and gasps from your lips.

You couldn’t keep yourself quiet. It’d been so long since anyone touched you. Throughout everything, you still remained faithful to Namjoon. And even if you’d been with another, no one could ever make you feel like this. Have your toes curling, back arching. It was almost embarrassing how easily you melted under his touch. Some part of you still wondered how you could give in so easy. Shouldn’t you be feeling some resistance? All you felt was longing.

You found yourself rocking your hips against him, and crying out as his tongue delved deeper.

You wanted to bring your hands up to your face to muffle the sounds but before you could, Namjoon stopped you.

“Don’t,” he said. He took hold of your hands and threading his fingers through yours. All the while his tongue was still swirling against you, making lewd sounds that had you feeling hot.

You could feel your body heating up, the rise and fall of your chest coming faster and faster. When you felt him slide tongue inside you, pressing up against your sweet spot—it was enough to push you over the edge. You came, squeezing Namjoon’s hands tight.

Namjoon lapped up your juices, enjoying the taste of your slick on his tongue. Even then he didn’t stop, coaxing a second orgasm out of you with soft licks against your center.

“Joon,” you whimpered, body humming with oversensitivity. “Too much.”

Only then did he pull away, moving to place a tender kiss on the inside of your thigh. He sat up, and you rose on your elbows ready and willing to return the favor, but Namjoon gently pushed you back down on the bed, shaking his head.

“I just wanna be inside you right now,” he rasped.

God, you wanted that too. They way Namjoon ate you out had your body begging for more. You weren't going to argue with him.

Namjoon sat up and placed a hand around your neck, guiding you back to his lips. It started out slow. Soft, sweet kisses against your lips. It wasn’t until he slipped his tongue inside your mouth that he found himself suddenly desperate for you. Even more surprising was your reaction to him. You kissed him back with just as much fever, completely captivated.

The kiss seemed to go on forever. When you finally pulled away, you looked at each other, panting, the air thickening between you two. Namjoon’s dark eyes stared down at you with an intensity that pierced your soul. You knew he felt it too. This energy...There was still love between you. But you’d already made your decision. You wanted this moment, this passion but you couldn’t trust him with your heart and be sure he wouldn’t break it. I can’t fall for him again. I can’t. You wanted him badly but wanting him, and trusting him were two different things.

“Namjoon,” you started. Then stopped, trying to find the right words to explain. “This isn’t—I can’t—”

“—Stay? I know.” Namjoon knew what he was getting into the second you kissed him. He knew this was goodbye, and that it would hurt like hell come morning. He didn’t care. If only he could change the past, he’d take it all back.

But he couldn’t. The damage was already done. This was the last time he’d ever hold you in his arms again. If he could have you, even for this short time, he’d take what he could get. He wasn’t going to fuck it up trying to make this into something it wasn’t. He loved you too much to be selfish at this moment. If this were the last time, he would make it well worth your while.

“I just need tonight.”

Namjoon pulled you tighter against him, molding you against his body. Before making any sudden movement, he pulled back a little to look in your eyes, to make sure this was still what you wanted.

You cupped his cheek and kissed his lips, reassuring him. Then he aligned his cock against your entrance and pushed inside you with one smooth move. You tensed, freezing in his arms. The feeling of your walls clenched around him made staying still absolute torture. But Namjoon wouldn’t dare move.

You close your eyes and breathe out a shaky breath, familiarizing yourself with the burn of the stretch. He’s so thick it takes a minute for your body to adjust to the size. Though the sensation of Namjoon nuzzling into your neck helps turn the pain into pleasure. You hooked your leg around his waist nudging him forward.

The small act made both of you moan in unison. “Namjoon...please,” you breathed.

He moved, starting out with a pace that had your insides feeling molten. His hands gripped at your hips as he pulled out almost all the way, then slowly slid himself deep inside you. You were so wet, so tight he couldn’t help but groan. The feel of you taking all of him, giving him this pleasure and the look in your eyes...Namjoon was sure he’d never love another the same way.

This wasn’t just sex. Namjoon knew the difference now. What it really meant to be intimate with a partner. To share his body with someone not for a distraction or stroke his ego but for love. To draw closer with one another. This was it for him. You, it was always you. There would never be another. He started to rock into you, deep and slow, desperate to make you feel that.

You closed your eyes, losing yourself to the sensation. Needing more, you raised your hips to meet his thrusts and Namjoon took the hint, snapping his hips to meet yours faster. You cried out as he filled you again and again and again. Right now, you don't have to worry about future decisions. You didn’t have to think about all the conflicting feelings you had for this man.

Not that you could think about that anyways. Your senses were all wrapped up in how good Namjoon was making you feel. His pace was brutal just how you liked it, but his touch was nothing but kind. His hands trailed up to the small of your back keeping you close. Namjoon cupped your face as he kissed you; he only pulled away to rest his forehead against yours and looked into your eyes. You’d slept with Namjoon before, but something about this time was different. If you didn’t know any better—you’d think he was making love to you. He was so strong, yet so loving. You wished he could be this way with you always.

You wanted to stay here, savor this moment. But Namjoon was grinding his hips against yours in a way that had you breathless. You were so close. “Namjoon, I—”

“Come for me,” he said.

Growling, he thrust harder against you and reached down between your bodies to rub your clit, driving you towards your orgasm. Your pleasure built inside you, sweeping over your body like a wave until it crashed and washed over you, sending tremors down your body.

Feeling you come apart in his arms, Namjoon slowed his thrusts. You clenched around him till pleasure flooded his senses and he came too, burying his face in your neck and moaning out your name.

The only sound heard throughout the room was panting as the two of you came down from your highs. Namjoon brushed your hair away from your face and ran his thumb across your cheek.

“Are you okay?” he asked, voice full of concern. He rolled off you and onto his side so as not to crush you but remained close, his skin flush against yours.

“Mhmm…” you hummed. You stared at the ceiling as your heart rate slowed back down. You were expecting to feel something. Regret...maybe relief?

You don’t know what you were hoping for. Maybe subconsciously you thought sleeping with Namjoon would help you come to some kind of resolution. A grand epiphany that would tell you what to do with your situation. But really you didn’t feel any different than you did before.

“What are you thinking about?”

You shake your head as if to shake all those thoughts out of your head. “Nothing.”

Namjoon didn’t press you, but the silent tension in the air gave you the impression that he wanted to ask for more.

You’ve never felt so divided. The ego in you wanted to walk away from it all. Say goodbye and cut your losses, no matter the cost. You made peace with leaving because you were so sure that Namjoon didn’t want you. You knew you couldn’t be with a man who had no love for you. But now, knowing that there was still love here. That he still cared, that you still cared. It changed things. You wanted it to work. But you weren’t sure if you could love him the same; there was always the issue of trust. How could you ever trust him again?

“I’m sorry,” said Namjoon. “I thought this was what you wanted.”

You turned to face him then, lying on your side. “It was what it wanted and now…” You trailed off, lost to your thoughts again. You had to think about it. Dig deep and really question what it was you were searching for.

“Now what? What do you need?” His expression was torn but honest.

So you asked for what you really wanted out of him. You asked for the truth.

“I need you to tell me everything.”

. . .

And he does. That night, as you bathe together, he finally tells you the truth. The whole truth.

When the sweat on your skin dried and became sticky, Namjoon ran a bath. You both got inside the clawfoot tub and sat on opposite sides, bodies intermingling as you faced each other. It was thick with quiet as the bath filled up with heated water.

At first, Namjoon hesitated. You could tell he wanted to spare your feelings. So he gave you the truths in little bits. Pieces of information you could swallow, like the names of his past lovers, and when each act happened. Then slowly, bigger chunks that had you holding your breath as you processed the facts of his betrayal. He told you about it all. About the weakness, the desperation, and the loneliness he felt on tour. The need to be touched and seen–really seen–by someone. Even if that someone wasn’t you. How one bad decision turned into two, turned into three. And the guilt. The guilt that accompanied the deception that rose and rose like high flames, eating him up inside.

By the time Namjoon’s done speaking, the water’s gone lukewarm, and your fingers were pruned, yet neither of you gets out of the bath. You let Namjoon bring you to close, till your back's up against his chest. He lathers his hands, and you let his calloused palms wash the pain away. Till the only thing you feel is his light touch. You repeat this action to him, stroking his skin with absolute ease. Then, and only then do you step out of the water. Namjoon drapes a fluffy white towel over your shoulder and wraps it around you.

He looks you in the eyes, and tells you that you're the only woman he’s ever loved. The only woman he would ever love. And you believe him.

. . .

That night, you lay down beside him exhausted. Not the kind of exhaustion that comes from lack of sleep or a long day at work. Not the weariness that leads to nights of deep slumber–no–this is the weariness that puts stress on your heart. The kind that leaves you feeling drained. Empty. Beside you, Namjoon sleeps, but you’re wide awake.

Every nerve in your body is begging for rest. But it’s your heart keeping you up tonight.

Heart over mind, mind over matter. You're split in both directions. Wanting to stay, and wanting to go. You told yourself that you were leaving. Walking away from it all.

But something felt wrong.

Everything was already moving in one way, but your heart was starting to face another. You still hadn’t made up your mind.

You lay in bed with your eyes closed and remembered the first time you left. Before you knew the truth, before you knew anything really, except for the fact that you didn’t want to live in a lie. You packed your bag and drove to Jackson’s, but you couldn’t make it through the night without breaking down and calling your mom. You spilled your heart to her, and she heard you, even through all the tears. You called to get everything off your chest, but you were also searching for answers. You were desperate for her to give you some kind of sign of what you were supposed to do or an out, but she didn’t.

“Do you remember when you were little, and you used to make sandcastles at the beach?” she asked. “You used to love playing in the sand. Barely even went in the water. You spent all day just creating something, building your own world.”

It caught you off guard. You were so shocked that for the first time in hours you stopped crying.

The memory was hazy in your mind, but you could still picture those summer days filled with warm golden sun, and the salty sea air.

“Some days as the sun set, the tide would come in and wash away everything you worked on. And you’d cry. Cry your little heart out. There wasn’t anything I wanted more than to pick you up, and hold you in my arms, comfort you. But you were at that age where you needed to start learning how to comfort yourself. So I let you cry. And after you’d got out all your tears, sometimes you’d start over. Dig your hands into the sand and start building all over again. Make something new. And sometimes you’d give up, walk away and come sit by me.”

“Yeah mom I remember...but, what does that have to do with anything?”

“You built your marriage with Namjoon on a foundation of love, faith, and trust. That’s your sandcastle. And now that trust has been washed away you don’t know what to do, and you're crying out for me. Baby, I love you, but you’re gonna have to make this decision for yourself. I can’t make it for you. Whatever you decide, I will be right behind you, supporting you. If you want to stay and find a way to be together I will be here. If you want to divorce him I’ll be here for that, too. But you have to decide.”

You let her words sink in. You knew she was right. But you were so frustrated, so overwhelmed you burst into tears again. “How am I supposed to decide? It’s so hard to know what choice is right.”

“I don’t–I don’t want to make a mistake…” You said through sobs.

“(Y/n), the only thing worse than staying or going, is you holding your breath and being indecisive. You have to make a choice. Decide.”

You couldn't think of how to act on your mother’s advice back then, but in the present, you understood. You squinted in the dark and looked at the time. The clock on your nightstand reads 5:22 AM in bold red letters. You hadn’t even realized you’d been up all night with your thoughts.

You looked over at the man causing you this great affliction. Pale moonlight streamed through the window illuminated his heart-shaped face. You once thought of him to be a monster, but he wasn’t. He was just human. And for once, you finally sorted your feelings about him. You weren’t in limbo anymore.

You knew your decision:

Leave him | Choose him

---

GO TO TOWN! | jjk

summary: you never would’ve thought that you’d get to see your roommate go to town, on you especially.

warnings/tags: jungkook x f!reader, roommates!au, f2e2l, angst, fluff, smut, brief tae x reader, jk and reader being complete idiots, reader being a brat, jk being jealous, jk also being mean to reader (sorry), cursing, male masturbation, unprotected sex (please don’t do it i’m begging you), thigh riding, oral (f and m receiving), hard!dom jk, vaginal sex, use of praising and degradation (use of whore/slut), pet names, if i miss any lmk!

word count: 13k

a/n: i took forever with this… sorry about that i just really wanted to get this out for you guys but life and mental health happens yk? 😭 anyways, i hope you enjoy!

Jeongguk is a dead man tomorrow. You’ll absolutely make sure of it.

It hasn’t even been that long since you’ve heard them barging into the apartment, but you swear that if you had to hear another girl screaming his name in the next few days, you'd end up pounding your head into the nearest wall. The noises the girls make are deafening, and incredibly annoying to say the least. It’s actually worse though when you're trying to focus on a very important assignment for class at hand, only for you to end up getting distracted every five seconds because of it.

The very last thing you want to do when you come home from an extremely exhausting day of university is hear some random ass girl get dicked down by your just as equally annoying roommate, Jeongguk. Lately, you began to notice that this behavior of his was starting to become a pattern within the past two weeks and for the life of you, you couldn't quite understand why. He hasn't always been like this. In fact, it’s really unlike him to have this fuckboy-like attitude.

So what exactly had happened between that time period that caused Jeongguk to act this way?

Well, one thought after another, you’ve become faced with a plethora of assumptions trying to solve it. You know, maybe exams finally started to wear down on him and was in desperate need of a quick mood changer? Maybe he’s going through something? It wouldn’t make sense though, you’re his roommate and his bestest friend, so you would know if something happened, but for once you actually have no idea at all what it could be. He could be wanting some space, wanting to deal with it on his own.

There is a time you could recall before this happened that he’s been getting pretty distant, though you didn’t want to pressure him into talking to you about what was wrong. If Jeongguk was ready to talk, he’d know that he could come right to you for absolutely anything he needed. Except, he reacted the exact opposite of what you’d expect.

The warm sunshine you once knew quickly turned into the cold winter with no warning whatsoever. You weren’t at all prepared for the hurt you’d feel during this drastic, unexpected change from him. Not being able to have your friend by your side like good times has started to weigh down on you.

You’ve tried talking to him about this whole situation before to no avail. Jeongguk would shut you out each and every time, disregarding it as if it’s always been this way. You know he’s well aware of what he’s doing and how you feel about this, he has to. At first you were— and still very are— concerned about him. But then he’d bring his flings practically everyday, and it soon became a difficult situation for you to deal with.

You wondered what happened to the cutie you met for the first time last year. Namjoon, your dear friend from university, introduced him to you, saying that a good friend of his needed a roommate to help cover the costs of the house after the last one suddenly moved out without letting Jeongguk know about it beforehand. Your heart sinks as you remember the details of the situation. From what Namjoon had explained to you, Jeongguk unfortunately couldn’t cover the expenses all by himself and was in desperate need of help. You felt so bad for the situation he was in, and you being the angel that you are, wanted to help almost right away, though you had your doubts about it.

At first you were obviously a little worried about living alone with a stranger, let alone some random man you didn't know. Although you were overthinking it like crazy for an understandable reason, you realize that you trusted Namjoon enough that he wouldn't let you live with someone that would potentially harm you in any way. He never would’ve brought it up to you in the first place if Jeongguk was some kind of creep, either. Namjoon would never put you in any kind of danger.

It caught you completely off guard when you finally met your soon-to-be flatmate for the very first time. Just by the way he talked about this guy, you were honestly half expecting him to be somewhat similar to being nerdy like Namjoon himself, who’s already the top student of your university. Though you couldn’t help the way your jaw dropped when you saw a complete fuckboy right in front of your eyes. First of all, you were so surprised to know Namjoon even had friends like that. At first glance you noticed that Jeongguk has so many tattoos and piercings, the combination itself made you want to fall weak to your knees, but with an ethereal face like his, as well? Oh you thought you were in for a hell of a ride that you were not prepared for.

Unfortunately for you though, you did not have much of a ride to begin with during your first days of living in this shared apartment. When you first moved in, things were definitely very awkward between the two of you, rightfully so for the fact of being complete strangers. The only conversations that would come out of you two were either about rent, groceries or any other utilities that were needed in the home. Nothing else would ever come of them until about six months in, when he needed some help with cooking dinner for that night.

The request itself was very unexpected, you felt obliged to help him out, especially when he asked you so politely. It was very adorable, and hey, who were you to complain when you could use that chance to learn about your mysterious roommate. That night was the start of a very beautiful, blossoming friendship very quickly, the two of you even going as far as to joke about being soulmates.

Sooner than expected, awkward greetings turned into actual conversations about random topics such as the music he listens to, or the movies you watch in the living room. Things were going very, very well in the home. It was peaceful, and very chill. There was a mutual respect for one another, and never did it once break because you both knew very well what boundaries needed to be set without actually setting them. On the days that you two would bring your little flings home, the sounds were kept to a minimum.

Obviously you made sure of that. How embarrassing would it be to have your roommate hear you have sex? Even if he wouldn’t have brought it up, the thought of him knowing how you sounded was enough to haunt you for the rest of your life.

Anyways, this kind of situation never came up before because of that very respect, but as of recently, Jeongguk did not care one bit it seems like, and it continues to prove itself even now.

Again, you heard a piercing ring of a moan bounce off the walls and echo throughout the apartment. Seriously, Jeongguk cannot be that good. You knew that you had to do something no matter how uncomfortable it might be. If nothing was done now, you don't know when it'll ever stop. Instantly fueled by those words, you didn’t stop to think about any consequence this may lead to, your body shooting up from your desk to make its way straight to Jeongguk's room, where you knocked on his door.

You tried your very best to keep as calm as possible to avoid taking your anger out on him. Momentarily you heard faint footsteps approaching the door for you to be met with a half naked Jeongguk, a beige towel loosely wrapped around his waist. God. If you weren't so pissed off at him right now, you would've damn near dropped to your knees at the sight of him looking so— that’s enough. You can’t keep letting him get the better of you.

You gulp as your eyes try to recognize the expression on his face, scrunched with an eyebrow raised, his dark eyes peering at you as if you were being the crazy one. "What?"

Confused, you gave him the same look back, “What do you mean, 'What?’ Jeongguk, can you please keep it down a bit?" Jeongguk only scoffed at your words, causing a heat to rise in your face immediately in embarrassment. He didn't say a single word to you, simply shutting the door right in your face.

You stood there, ultimately confused by his actions. You really don't know what's gotten into him lately, but clearly something is wrong. You've tolerated this longer than you should've, and you should be proud of yourself for saying something in the first place. Even so, why does this make you want to punch him?

Jeongguk could just not be having a good day, clearly. He's being an asshole to you, and yet you have no idea why. No matter how much you think and think, nothing comes to mind. Unless you could have possibly done something without realizing it.

What could you have possibly done so bad?

As embarrassment overcame you, you quickly turned on your heels to go back to your room, hearing the same girl's moan faintly behind you. In utter disbelief, your very first instinct is to call Namjoon to rant. Once you’ve made it into your room, you grab your phone from the charging cable and immediately pull up a facetime call. His name isn’t hard to find, as he’s your most recent call anyway. You hear the tone to indicate that Namjoon’s picked up your call, wasting no time in cutting him off of his words to blurt out; "You better come get your friend."

Namjoon is immediately confused by the sudden outburst, his eyebrows furrowing as he’s trying to read the expression on your face. “Wh— Why? What happened?”

You take a deep breath in an attempt to relax so that you don’t take your anger out on poor Joon, who did nothing wrong at all. “He’s being a dick again.” Almost as if on cue, another screeching moan could be heard. Your head falls back, taking in a deep breath. “I tried to ask him to keep it down but he just slammed the door in my face instead. Didn’t say a word to me after that.”

Your friend’s mouth drops in shock. “Hold on— Jeongguk slammed the door in your face?” All you could do is nod in response. “And you’re still upset about the fact that he kept you up last week, aren't you?”

“Yes, Joon! I wouldn’t be as mad if he had stopped, or at least TRY to keep it down, but he doesn’t even care. He just keeps doing it. I know he’s doing this on purpose, too. I mean, what did I do to deserve this?!”

Namjoon chuckled, “Why don’t you try sitting him down to talk about it? I know you’ve already tried to once, but maybe this time it’ll be different. Maybe he only slammed the door in your face because you did it as he’s in the middle of having sex so maybe he’s just irritated by you almost cockblocking him.” You slightly nod. You’re aware that it most likely wasn’t the best idea to do what you did, but it was too late to change that. “Make sure when you do talk to him about it, though, that you emphasize your boundaries. He wouldn’t like it if it was done to him, wouldn’t he?”

As you sit and take in his words, your mind is currently elsewhere. The words; ‘he wouldn’t like it if it was done to him’, replays over and over again. The most logical thing to do would be to follow Namjoon's advice, but your brain is completely disregarding that. In your head, the plan that conjured in your brain would be way better anyway.

“Hello? ___? Why are you smiling like that?”

With the sound of his voice snapping you back into reality, right away you straighten your back and focus back on your phone screen. Shit— have you been sitting here smiling creepily to yourself this whole time? In an attempt to hide your embarrassment, a slight chuckle leaves your lips as you sit and try to fix your expression. “Thank you for your advice, Joonie. That didn’t even cross my mind at all.” Namjoon gave you a reassuring smile. “For some reason, I didn’t stop to think that he really wouldn’t like it if the roles were reversed in this situation.”

Immediately Namjoon is able to pick up on the mischievous tone in your voice, growing increasingly worried about the different things that could be stirring in that unhinged mind of yours. “What are you thinking about?” He trailed off, raising an eyebrow.

Your thumb grows dangerously close to the end call button and you try to wipe the dumb smile off your face but no matter how hard you try, you really want to laugh. You know Namjoon would never approve of the plan you decided on. “Nothing, nothing, but hey I’ll text you later, okay? I gotta go. Be safe!”

“No, no. Wha—“

The confused expression you imagine as you hang up the call has you giggling. Sadly, you’ll just have to text Namjoon tomorrow morning to fill him into your plans.

Getting even a wink of sleep last night became such an impossible task for you to achieve. Throughout the entire night, it felt as if your mind was more concerned about Jeongguk and the whole ordeal rather than getting any rest for the sudden eventful day you created for yourself. Those very nights where you’re just constantly tossing and turning to get your body relaxed unsuccessfully, is the absolute worst feeling to be in. Anyone would rather be in another world, dreaming of the weirdest yet most interesting, and not in the deepest, darkest parts of your mind. Being an insomniac is a concept you could never relate to experiencing until last night, and you absolutely hated every second of it.

After getting off the phone with Joon last night, you, unfortunately, still had to deal with the noises coming from Jeongguk’s room, and it only continued to fuel that anger you had to begin with. With that very anger, you had found yourself spending all night trying to figure out what to do, until finally, you had it all planned out.

But even worse than those noises, your mind still cannot give up thinking about him even now, and it upset you more than you’d like to admit. Maybe you’re just being dramatic, that it’s not that big of a deal in the first place to be thinking about Jeongguk, but with the situation that happened last night, you don’t feel too ecstatic about him and your feelings for him anymore. You still care about him. Sure he’s been an asshole to you lately, but at the end of the day that’s your roommate, your friend. Jeongguk was the one person you felt you could go to for anything.

With last night’s event, you can’t seem to even think about him without being reminded of each time he’s treated you poorly. Having a crush, let alone having someone like that around you, can really take a toll on you.

On top of that, exhaustion is starting to get the better of you, though you know that if you even attempt to go back to sleep, it’ll end the same way as it did last night. You had spent all morning tossing and turning, yet you’re too nervous to get any actual sleep. It felt almost as if you were a little kid again, too excited about a school trip the next day that you were restless the whole night. You’re excited yet nervous about the revenge, and for that very reason, you definitely needed your morning coffee to not make you feel completely like a zombie. And to not mess this up. You spent all night planning this, messing it up would make your efforts all go to waste.

You carefully let your lips latch onto your mug as you take a sip while you continue to take in the nice, cozy morning atmosphere around you. The place you call home is normally this quiet, you can fully expect to clearly hear the birds chirping outside just where you always open up a window. Days such as this one where you’re off of both work and school, are one of the best days you’ve ever experienced. Especially when you have absolutely nothing to do and you’re able to stay in the comfort of your own home. As a homebody such as yourself, relaxing like this is always on the forefront of your mind. Though, today isn’t going to be one of those days, unfortunately.

So to begin the first phase of the plan, last night you started off by texting Taehyung asking if he had any plans he had. You already had a feeling that he’d agree to join you for dinner. The two of you have hit it off lately, so there would be no reason for him to reject your offer unless he already had other said plans. Thankfully he didn’t, or else you’d be stuck trying to find someone else. Any plans of revenge would be thrown in the trash if that were the case.

Now that all of that is out of the way, the fun part finally begins. With you and Taehyung already having a few hookups here and there, you knew the date will undoubtedly end in the both of you having sex and when it does, you’ll purposely be just as loud, if not more, than Jeongguk has been. Hopefully he’ll be able to understand how you felt during those moments while he didn’t care about being respectful towards you. The goal behind all of this is to get him to finally apologize to you for being an asshole, so you cross your fingers in hopes that this all goes according to plan. To make yourself feel better about all of this, you know you did nothing wrong and if it has to come to this in order for him to realize that, then so be it. You’ll play his childish game, and you’ll play it better than he does.

Though a small part of you feels embarrassed about him having to hear you. Your roommate, as well as your friend and crush, hearing you during the most intimate moments that you could do, sends shivers down your spine. Butterflies flutter around mindlessly in your stomach the more and more you ponder about it.

While you were lost in the quiet, relaxing morning you’ve been having, completely lost in your own thoughts and daydreams, you realize that the peace and quiet will unfortunately seize to an end once you heard the sound of feet shuffling approach where you’re currently at. You didn’t feel the need to look up, you already knew who it was. A small smile grows on your face as you try to hide it behind the warm mug in your hands, the thoughts you just had resurface when you glance over at him. It was almost as if you thought he could tell what you were thinking about, though there would be absolutely no way he could. If he noticed you smiling for no reason, he would most likely just come to the conclusion that you’re suddenly starting to go crazy smiling for no reason.

“Well, well. Look who’s up early.” you teased, your hands playing with the handle of your mug. You probably shouldn’t, but you felt like provoking him a bit. For one, it’s fun to irritate him. His reactions are funny to you, and you can always count on a snarky reply coming your way. Secondly, this childish teasing of yours is only just a small appetizer for what’s to come for him later on.

The theme you decided on for today is for Jeongguk to finally get a taste of his own medicine.

A low, deep sigh could be heard coming from Jeongguk as he dragged his feet past you and towards the coffeemaker, finally turning to face you for a split second. If his actions didn’t scream tired, his voice made it very obvious. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

You simply shrugged, your lips teasing a smile. “Well, you know, considering last night… I thought it would keep you knocked out for a few more hours.” Your eyes are now focused on him, leaning into your left hand to get more comfortable. Without realizing it, your once tired eyes find themselves scanning his naked upper body, finally realizing that he isn’t wearing a shirt. Trying your absolute hardest to keep your eyes off of his body is damn near impossible, especially when he looks like that. To play it off, you quickly added; “I know I couldn’t sleep because of it.”

“I would’ve enjoyed it a little more if someone didn’t try to interrupt it.” He grumbles, grabbing a mug out of the cupboard to pour himself some coffee as well, noticing how you left some extra for him, he assumes. Well, even if it wasn’t meant for him, he’s taking it anyway.

Jeongguk’s words only cause you to sigh, your lips forming a frown as your eyes glared at him. He wouldn’t be able to see it, not with his back facing you, but you still did it in case he does turn around to face you. His words made your shoulders feel even heavier than they were beforehand, and although you probably didn’t need to, your mind scrambled to defend yourself.

“Okay, for the record I wasn’t trying to interrupt on purpose and you know that, Jeongguk. I only asked you to keep it down a bit because it’s unfair for you to act like you have the whole place to yourself. It’s really not that hard to be considerate. I’m always considerate of you.”

Jeongguk remained quiet throughout your mini rant, the only sound that could be heard was the sound of him sipping on his coffee a little too loudly, and the ruckus of the outside world. The fact that he isn’t owning up to his mistakes is starting to irritate you. You could feel anger rising inside of you the longer the silence surrounds the air around the two of you. Anger soon begins to transpire into doubt within moments due to the overwhelming silence, causing you to regret the choices you’ve made altogether. Overthinking had you wondering that maybe, just maybe you should’ve just left it alone and not have said anything about it to him last night. Then maybe he wouldn’t be as upset with you as he is now. Or maybe he still would’ve acted like a dick to you anyways.

On the other hand though, it’s not like it’s a crime to create boundaries for yourself and you shouldn’t have to feel guilty for doing so. Even if Jeongguk is making you doubt those very decisions by staying silent and forcing you to think otherwise.

Also, who is he to be angry at you? You can’t recall doing anything to make him this upset with you other than almost cockblocking him. That alone isn’t enough to treat his best friend the way that he is now. Jeongguk rightfully has a lot of freedom in doing what he wants since you both share the same house, but even with that freedom there’s boundaries to be made just to avoid conflicts from happening. And Jeongguk broke one of them.

After a few moments, the uncomfortable silence that engulfs the atmosphere feels as if it’s been going on for an eternity. It’s killing you, and you can’t stand to be sitting in it any longer. Suddenly you’re back to how you were feeling last night, your negative thoughts squeezing their way to the forefront every chance they get. You really do miss the way things were before this awkward tension started happening out of nowhere. The two of you used to be able to share light-hearted conversations with one another, full of smiles and giggles over a bunch of nothingness. You were always looking forward to coming home when you had tough days, because you knew Jeongguk would be able to cheer you right up and vice versa.

Lately though, those moments are now out of the question, unfortunately. Since then, Jeongguk has only gotten more cold towards you, even colder than when the two of you were mere strangers living together, way back before even becoming friends. You genuinely felt like you had gained a friend, only to lose that very person in such a short amount of time with no knowledge of why. It’s worse now that you realize that something terrible has happened between you. Not knowing why that is, stresses you out more than you’d like to admit. Honestly speaking, it’d be too hard to live with someone who treats you this way, let alone continue to try and fulfill a friendship with him. Your heart can’t seem to let go of the doubt, using this chance to try and rekindle that spark again.

“What’s gotten into you lately?” you finally broke the silence, causing him to quickly give you a look of confusion, the sudden awkward tension shattered.

The expression on his face contorts, glancing over at you to only look away from you. It almost felt as if he’s not looking at you on purpose. “Um, nothing’s wrong.”

An eyebrow lifts from your face. Is he seriously not going to mention it? He’s just going to brush everything off? “Nothing? So I guess I’m just imagining things?”

Jeongguk finally fully turned around to face you, leaning his weight back onto the counter, his toned arms flexing as he crossed them. You can see his eyes scan over your features for a split second, “What are you talking about?”

You had to take a deep breath before you get yourself worked up over nothing. Having a short temper really has its faults, and you wish you could be as patient as you would like to be. Even so, being the bigger person is harder than it seems to be, especially when Jeongguk wants to continue to act childish and pretend he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. As if the conversations you shared were only meaningful on your part? That the way he’s been acting is as if it’s always been? You’re absolutely fuming with the way he’s playing dumb. You know you’re not going crazy.

“You don’t talk to me anymore, and when we do talk you act so cold towards me, like you just don’t give a shit about anything anymore. You never greet me when one of us comes home, you never stop by my room to rant about your stupid coworkers anymore either...” Jeongguk’s expression doesn’t falter in the slightest, seemingly not letting up on this stupid act of his. A frustrated sigh escapes your lips as your hands land on the table in front of you.

“I think you’re just looking into it too much.” He slips his arm out from his hold to get one last sip of his coffee before setting it back down on the counter next to him. “I’ve been the same as always.”

You huff, leaning your body back into your chair, crossing your arms as you begin to feel defensive. “I’m not looking into it too much. The energy you give towards me just seems so… spiteful? I don’t know just— Jeongguk, I want to know why. I don’t want to fight with you, I promise. If it’s something I did, tell me so we can end… whatever it is that’s going on.”

It’s quiet again, and you feel like giving up completely. Your heart and mind is fighting with one another to figure out how you should feel right now. You’re about to get up and walk away when you see him smirking, letting out a soft chuckle. Jeongguk is finally letting up on his nonchalant act, and you couldn’t help but admit that you’re taken aback by the sudden shift in emotions.

Your eyes never leave his, following his movements as Jeongguk makes his way around the island table and towards you. He decides to get himself settled a mere inches away from you, his finger moving up to brush a hair out of your face. “Are you just jealous?”

You quickly scoffed at him, confusion settling onto your face. “What? The hell would I be jealous about?”

Jeongguk simply shrugged, “Maybe because you aren’t the one screaming my name.”

Your mouth drops at his words, completely speechless by his ego, “Jeongguk, you can’t actually be serious right now. How dense can you be?” Hearing these words come out of his mouth, completely baffles you. “After everything I just said to you, this is the conclusion you come to?”

The situation right now is pure comedy at this point. Seriously, who the fuck does he think he is? You’re trying to fix the gap between the both of you because you care so much about the friendship you both share, and he simply thinks that everything went down the way it went because you’re jealous? It’s unbelievable that he thinks this whole thing is funny. It seems as if this whole thing is just a big fucking joke to him. That’s great to know.

In all honesty, a small part of you couldn’t help but feel that, in a way, he’s right, though. But you don’t ever want to admit it. Especially not with the way he’s acting lately. You wanted to be able to come out on top and have him get what he deserves.

When you first moved in, you thought he was so dreamy, which he still is, but lately those feelings are beginning to shatter. You never would’ve thought this would happen between you. Jeongguk is, or was, such a sweetheart. Sadness overwhelms you knowing that he’s not as loving as he used to be.

Even though you do have feelings for him deep down inside, you still wouldn’t interrupt him having fun all because you’re jealous. You actually want Jeongguk to have fun and do his own thing, and you wouldn’t want to hold him back from doing it because of your feelings. It upsets you Jeongguk still isn’t seeing that all you want is for him to be mature about this, that you wouldn’t be as much of a dick towards him as he’s being towards you. Whatever it is that’s bothering him, could all be fixed if he could just fucking talk to you about it.

“Well, I mean, that’s just what it seems like to me. Wouldn’t you like that?” He smirks, anger filling up inside of you, and there’s nothing more you want to do than to wipe that smile off of his face. He’s so goddamn annoying, acting so cocky. You rolled your eyes, trying not to let his tactics get to you too much, but you know that he can tell that it’s failing. He could see right through you, Jeongguk knows exactly how to push your buttons as much as he can.

“You know what? I’m leaving. It’s been a nice chat, Jeongguk.”

You were suddenly reminded of the plan you meticulously planned. Forcing yourself to take a deep breath, you knew you had to be able to go through with this revenge flawlessly. Getting the last laugh would be so worth it for you. You had to execute the revenge soon, while he was still butt hurt about you ‘interrupting’ his fun. Soon as in, tonight.

Jeongguk watched as you gently placed your mug in the sink, making your way past him and towards your room on the opposite side of the shared home. A hum escapes his lips as his eyes glance over your figure, though he can’t help the heavy feeling in his chest that begins to swallow him whole.

You tried to be the bigger person and talked things out with Jeongguk like Namjoon advised you to do, but with how things turned out just now, your revenge sounded like the way better option now. It’s perfect honestly. For one, he’d be able to get a taste of his own medicine, and two, you’d be able to have another chance to be with a recent fling of yours, being none other than Taehyung himself.

It’s been a while since you’ve last seen him, and you were actually excited for what’s to come today. The slight crush you have on Taehyung will only enhance that excitement for you. Getting ready for your date basically took your whole day. You needed to make sure you looked really good to make sure things go exactly as planned. Some people really underestimate how long it takes to get ready for really fancy dates such as this one.

The history you have with Taehyung is a short lived one, all starting when you first met him at work. His office cubicle is only a few feet from yours, and when you’ve suddenly ended up in the same group as him, the two of you ended up having to collaborate on an assignment together. At first it was just some friendly talks, simply talking about work or the little things about your hobbies. The more you’ve chatted, the more you’ve grown somewhat attracted to him. Honestly, to you, it was just so that he could distract you from Jeongguk.

Ultimately, you were very attracted to Jeongguk. Honestly, you still feel that you are, but the fear of him not feeling the same way about you ate you alive, making you swear to never bring it to light, ever. Taehyung was the perfect excuse, and before you knew it, you found him in your bed.

Your finger taps onto your phone screen, revealing that the time is currently 8 pm and this immediately creates the nervous feeling sitting down in the pit of your stomach. Your date would be pulling up to get you any second now, but you are nowhere mentally ready for it as you are physically.

Just by the sounds outside your room, you assume that Jeongguk is in the living room watching tv, the thoughts forcing butterflies to practically swarm around in your stomach now. Even if Jeongguk has been a huge dick to you lately, you still wonder what he’d think when he sees you all dressed up like this.

Would he even care? Would he even look your way at all?

No, no. You’ve got to be more confident than this. In order to pull this off the way you want to, you can’t continue to worry about how Jeongguk is going to feel towards you right now.

With a mental note of Taehyung on his way, you make sure to grab any last minute essentials you need before taking a deep breath. Your hand is on the handle of your door, hesitating to twist it. It’s way too late to have second thoughts about this now. Everything is already in motion you just have to keep pushing. Instead of forcing yourself to ponder about this any longer, you instead push your bedroom door open and close it behind you.

Your legs feel so weak, in the sense that you’re overly aware that Jeongguk might see you. Disappointment washes over you for even being this aware. Jeongguk doesn’t care, so why should you?

Though, as you make your way to the front door, Jeongguk indeed does notice you out of the corner of his eye. He can see that you’re wearing a fitted short dress, showing off your curves so perfectly. He took in your form as much as he could, but with him not wanting to actually face you, he wasn’t able to see you as well as he would’ve liked to. “Where are you heading off to?”

With an eyebrow raised, you hesitate to turn and face him just before you reach the front door hallway. “Why do you care?” With his tone being so monotonous, you couldn’t tell if he was trying to be annoying, or if he was genuinely curious as to where you were going, but because you have revenge to execute, you wanted to continue being a brat to him, just as he’s being to you.

“I don’t. Just lock the door on the way out.” He finally looked your way, his heart immediately dropping at the sight of how absolutely beautiful you looked. Though he couldn’t allow his eyes to linger on you any longer, forcing himself to look back at the tv to try and refocus his attention on the movie instead of you.

As you continue to watch him in confusion, you notice his jaw clench. Is he angry? For what? Your eyes lingered on him for a second, his head resting into his head as he paid attention to the random action movie in front of him. With a sigh, your hand moves to open the door, before slowly closing it behind you, making sure to lock it like Jeongguk asked.

This date could help get your mind, so you were looking forward to it. Ignoring the pain in your heart, you turn around to see Taehyung dressed so handsomely. You didn’t expect to see your date already outside waiting for you, letting out a small gasp as you quickly made your way to him, immediately hugging him as tight as you could.

“There’s my pretty girl.” Taehyung hummed, stealing a kiss as he pulled you into his embrace, you giggled at his touch. “Ready to go eat?”

“Let’s go.”

It was almost impossible for you and Taehyung to keep your hands off of each other. As soon as you unlocked the door to your home, he wasted absolutely no time in moving his hands so that they were gripping your ass, while yours quickly moved to take off his velvet suit. In the midst of this, you notice that all of the lights in the home are off besides the dim light in the kitchen, which you could only assume that Jeongguk must’ve gone to his room for the rest of the night, possibly asleep. A small part of you wondered why he decided to head to bed so early, with him being the night owl that stays up until he can’t anymore. Almost immediately, your thoughts were interrupted, when you felt Taehyung’s hard crotch against your stomach.

It was like he memorized exactly where your room is located in the home, even if he hasn’t been here for two weeks, your bodies continued to make their way towards your room, not really bothering to stay quiet either.

Once you step foot into your room, the door quickly shuts behind Taehyung as you pull him into the bed with you. If Jeongguk was asleep, you knew he wasn’t anymore. It was so evil what you’re doing, a part of you wanted to tell Taehyung off for being so loud, but you couldn't. You shouldn’t start to feel bad about him, not when Jeongguk did this to himself. If only he was more considerate of you, then you would’ve been considerate of him.

Poor Jeongguk is going to have to learn the hard way.

Taehyung gets up off of you and watches over your figure, biting his lip at the sight of you, your dress complimenting your body perfectly. The straps of your dress are both slightly off of your shoulder, your cleavage practically spilling out. Taehyung is now on his knees before you, his fingers tracing the outline of your panties as he presses soft kisses on your inner thigh.

“Taehyung, please.” you whimpered, moving your fingers into his hair, pushing your hips up in desperation to feel something. Anything to keep your mind off of Jeongguk for the night.

His dark eyes meet yours, smirking at the state you’re in. “What’s the rush? Be patient.” You could hear him chuckle at you, sighing when you finally feel his touch on you once again.

Jeongguk finds himself staring blankly at the ceiling of his bedroom, which is no longer in total darkness now that he turned the lamp on that occupied the nightstand next to his bed, as he listens in on you in the next room with your… date. It doesn’t take a genius to know what was happening behind your closed door, he can hear everything. Every. Little. Fucking. Thing.

Earlier tonight when his eyes followed you out the door, looking so effortlessly beautiful as you normally would, he knew he was getting himself in some really deep shit again. Just by the way you got yourself all dolled up, he could tell that you were going on a date. It was obvious, there really was no need to ask you where you were going in the first place. He knew, but deep down inside he had hoped that you weren’t going on a date, instead a dinner for your job or something— anything— was better than that. As if the idea of you going on a date doesn’t already stress him out, the thought of him knowing who it was going to be with had him wanting to give up all hope on repairing anything between the two of you.

He vividly remembers each and every one of the rants you went on and on about your new found work crush prior to everything that had happened, and he absolutely hated every second of it. Although he hated it, he sure as hell remembered every detail you mentioned. He has learned that a few months ago, Taehyung freshly joined your office and had ended up filling that empty cubicle next to yours.

Over time the atmosphere that was once awkward due to sitting next to a stranger, soon changed. Taehyung would do little things here and there to get your attention by asking if you had an extra pen, or if you could help him with this and that. Of course it didn’t take long at all for you two to get so… close. In fact, way too close to Jeongguk’s liking.

The way you smiled when you mentioned the random acts of kindness he would do for you around at the office, or the small gifts he would get you before you made it back home, made his heart way too heavy to bear. Seeing somebody love you the way Jeongguk wants to love you is so heartbreaking to witness. Eventually, heartbreak quickly turned into anger, only continuing to grow until it completely engulfed him whole. At that point, he couldn’t hide the pain anymore.

Unfortunately this hatred he felt towards Taehyung only caused him to take it out on you. Jeongguk knows all too well that it’s extremely unfair for him to be so angry with you, but he just couldn’t help it. He’s hurting, yes, but there’s better ways of going about this rather than being such a dick towards you. It wasn’t your fault at all, nor did you deserve it. He just needs to grow up and admit his feelings for you, rather than pretending as if he isn’t hurting.

Jeongguk had wasted his time spending the past two weeks trying to get his anger out on the women he brought back home in hopes that you’d feel even the slightest bit of the same jealousy he feels when you talk about or bring Taehyung back to the house. All that for what? He isn’t even totally sure. Again, Jeongguk is just being very immature when it comes to his emotions. Even so, his childish plans never worked out. Overall, it just seemed like you didn’t care at all.

Yet again, how could you have known that he cares for you romantically? He’s never mentioned it, nor did he try to be outright obvious about it either in fear of you feeling weirded out or rejecting him.

Ironic, isn’t it? That he’s the one that’s jealous, and not you.

In fact, he knows that he should be happy for you instead. As your roommate and best friend, he should be ecstatic that you happened to find someone that you like, and that he likes you back. But still, it’s not good enough for him. Jeongguk would rather be the one that you long for, the one to be able to hold you and love you the way you deserve. You’re the whole world in his eyes. His whole world.

So now when he hears your moans in the next room over, he’s torn on how to feel. Going to sleep now is deemed incredibly useless. No matter how much he tosses and turns to find a comfortable position to sleep in, his ears are so focused on the beautiful sounds you make. Although he doesn’t want to be listening for your own privacy, it’s too damn hard not to.

It just feels so perverted, so embarrassing to get as hard as he is just by listening to you. The hardness is honestly starting to become painful. It feels almost like a sin to be listening to this, but now that he already did, he has to deal with the aftermath of wondering if he should relieve himself or not. Jeongguk’s already come to terms with the fact that he’s most likely a pervert anyway just for the lone reason of listening away on purpose.

You won’t know, it’ll be his own secret for him to keep all to himself.

Hesitantly, his hand slowly rubs over his clothed crotch, his hips grinding trying to gain any kind of momentum. Oh how much he’d wish it was you instead of his hand right now.

Pulling his boxers down, he kicks them completely off so he’s now naked. The room got hot all too fast, the coolness of the slight breeze from his fan gave him goosebumps as his hand wrapped itself around his angry head, pumping his fist around it at a desperate pace.

You sound so heavenly, he can feel his heart beginning to pick up pace when he imagines himself being the one causing it. If it were him, he would make sure to take his time with you, no matter how impatient you may be. Jeongguk groans imagining how tight your walls would feel around him. He immediately wishes he went about his jealousy in a different way. Maybe then he’d be where Taehyung is right now instead of pathetically fucking his hand hoping to even have a chance with you.

Or maybe, just maybe, this was actually your plan all along. The more he thinks about this, the more suspicious it seems. It all couldn’t be such a coincidence, not when this had to happen the very next day after you asked him to keep it down from having his own fun. Jeongguk is very aware of how you feel towards him being loud, so it’d be natural for you to get so pissed about it. Hence why this whole thing could be happening in the first place.

It’d make total sense, considering that you might want him to hear you, just as much as you’ve spent quite a few nights hearing him fuck. Though he isn’t sure that what Jeongguk’s doing right now would also be a part of your so-called plan. The thought probably never crossed your mind, and he isn’t completely sure why he’s doing this either.

Jeongguk is very familiar with the thoughts of him wanting to please you, and that he would have you screaming louder than Taehyung can. There are scenarios where he imagines having you in different positions, or how you look underneath all of the clothes you wear. He’d make sure to have you seeing stars, to the point where you’d only want to look at him from then on and not at someone who could give you mediocre sex.

Jeongguk wants to be the best you’ve ever had, and you would be the same for him. He yearns for you, to feel you, to love you.

Your name slips out from between his lips ever-so-quietly, his inked right hand picking up pace when he hears your moans. His eyebrows tightly furrow themselves together so that he could focus on your whimpers, trying to drown out the man on top of you. The more he hears you, the faster his hand moves, desperate to take this chance to cum to you. At this point, he doesn’t care how perverted this is anymore.

Before he knows it, Jeongguk feels his cum shoot out all over his lower stomach. His eyes watch as he rubs out every last drop. All of this, all just for you.

If he’s being completely honest, it isn’t the first time he’d touch himself to you, but it is the first time touching himself while he hears you. Any other time it would usually be when he daydreams about those filthy scenarios.

In a blink of an eye, the day that he had spent all night extremely dreading fastly approached Jeongguk. After the events of last night, he had hoped that maybe it would finally be the end of the world the next day just so he wouldn’t have to be reminded of the thoughts of last night. Just as expected though, it was instead hard not thinking about you.

Although his chest feels heavy, he hopes that when he comes home from his morning shift at work, he’ll be able to push it aside and have the confidence to finally apologize to you for how he’s been treating you lately. The conversation from the morning before constantly replayed in his mind since you left to go to your room and he’s never felt this disappointed in himself. There was no reason for him to be such an asshole to you. All you wanted to do is fix your friendship and in return, all he did was just let his jealousy take over to try and flip the problem onto you so that he wouldn’t have to take responsibility for his emotions.

On the other side, there was that one thought he had last night, where he thought you could potentially have been doing this all on purpose. It’s all too coincidental for it not to be. It was only just a small hunch last night, but now after putting all of the pieces together, it seems as though it’s all slowly making sense. If this was all just some elaborate plan you schemed up, he’s thoroughly impressed by it, because it fucking worked.

You’ve won the game. He’s forfeiting.

His emotions are so much more complex on how he should feel about the situation. Jeongguk’s ego is obviously very hurt, but he can’t keep letting it get to him. To him, you’re much more important than his stupid ego. So much so that he’s willing to finally give up on this stupid game that he weirdly started and be the one to apologize once and for all. It was all his doing in the first place.

Alright. So, how should he do this… should he apologize right once he gets home? Should he give you some space first? Or, wait. Should he mention his feelings for you? He shakes his head of the questions as a deep sigh escapes him, slowly opening the front door of his home. Once he’s inside, he kicks off his shoes, his eyes hesitating to find you here and slightly hoping that you aren’t, and that you’ll be home later on.

Jeongguk will do anything to procrastinate on this as much as he can. Apologizing to you is so nerve-wrecking for him to do right now. Though when his eyes eventually does fall on you, who is cuddled into your big fuzzy blanket while watching some random horror movie it looks like, on the couch. Seeing you so comfortable and adorable, it makes his heart jump. How much would he just love to just get cozy right next to you and watch movies together.

Suddenly, his lips start to form a frown though once something catches his eye through his peripheral vision. With the way the home is laid out, he could see both the kitchen island and the living room at the same time, making it easy for him to notice the small bouquet of white lilies that are sitting on the kitchen counter, along with a note that reads in messy handwriting:

Thank you for last night. I enjoyed myself. ;) - Taehyung

With this, his heart drops. He’s been trying to stay positive so that he could make the problem go away, but the problem keeps popping up no matter what. Jeongguk’s fingers curl into a tight fist, and just like what he’s been doing for the past two weeks, he doesn’t greet you nor does he spare you even a glance when he walks by you and straight towards his room.

Last night, after he had heard you and Taehyung, he had spent all night thinking this through. He had come to the conclusion that he shouldn’t be angry with you, or rather he should be upset with himself for acting like a child instead of approaching you in a more healthier way. But now, the hurt in his chest is impossible for him to ignore. His emotions are getting the better of him as he throws his bag on his bed, before then throwing himself to lay right next to it with an exasperated sigh.

Jeongguk is pissed— fuming actually. He really didn’t want another reminder of the events that happened last night, and yet, no matter how hard he tries to ignore it, he feels as if Taehyung is taunting him everywhere he goes. Taunted by the idea that he could never have you in the way he does.

Jeongguk isn’t dumb. He’s dumb over you, sure, but he’s smart enough to know that there’s a slight possibility that this is all what you’ve been trying to get him to feel and he’ll be damned if he lets you laugh in his face about it. This evil fucking plan of yours is too much for him to take anymore.

He shoots up from his spot and stomps straight out of his room to find you. Once he’s now in the living room, Jeongguk stands just out of your view of the television with both of his hands on his hips as he stares you down. It’s quiet as he finds the words to come out, your eyes looking at him curiously until he spits, “You want to talk about me being so loud?”

Confusion continues to settle into you, raising an eyebrow at him, “Excuse me?”

He scoffs, rolling his eyes as one head rubs his forehead. “Last night? What the fuck was that about?”

You couldn’t help but scoff right back at him. “Oh, it’s a problem now?” You grabbed the tv remote to pause the movie you were mindlessly watching just so that you could make sure you’re hearing him right, twisting your body so you sat facing him comfortably. “So, It’s a problem when I do it, but it’s okay when you do? How does that make any sense?”

“__, I didn’t say it was okay—“

“Then it shouldn’t be a problem.”

His tongue gently poked the inside of his cheek, his eyes continued to stare you down. He feels ultimately defeated since he’s trying his best to not hurt you and talk to you about this in a more calm manner, but the more he thinks about those stupid fucking flowers, the more he feels that very calm emotion completely drain right out of him. Quite frankly, he knows that he doesn’t really have the right to be as mad as he is right now, since this only happened because of the consequences of his own actions. But honestly, Jeongguk didn’t expect you to take it this far.

Then, as quickly as it came, he’s reminded of the fact that he touched himself to you last night. He’s aware that this is probably very bad timing, but he couldn’t help but get hard the more he thinks about the sounds you made. Even worse, seeing you right in front of him now after that, it’s driving him crazy. Jeongguk knows that he could have you replicating those sounds for him, and do it better.

“Did he really fuck you that good?”

With just seven words, he rendered you speechless, unable to say a single word. Never in your friendship has he ever spoken such inappropriate words that are directed right towards you. The room’s atmosphere changed in a blink of an eye, and you’re surprised at how you even came to this point in a matter of seconds.

Your eyes watch as he slowly makes his way towards you, his dark gaze never leaving yours. Goosebumps travel straight down your spine as you hear his deep voice whisper next to your ear, “Did he really fuck you so good that you just had to be that obnoxious?”

In an attempt to get a hold of any ounce of self confidence you just had, you ridiculously fumble over your words, “It’s…It’s none of your business, Jeongguk.”

Even though you’re trying to stand up for yourself, any confidence you just had is now completely shattered right when you knew you couldn’t even look him in the eye anymore. Everything in the room is apparently so much more interesting than Jeongguk is, which is a complete lie to yourself, and as far as Jeongguk could tell just by your obvious body language.

With him now directly in front of you, one of his hands rests next to you on top of the couch, while the other went from softly brushing against your cheek to slowly making its way down to grab your chin, forcing you to look up at him. Your eyes met his dark gaze causing you to immediately feel so, so small.

“Be honest with me, angel. Do you think he could have you screaming the way I could? Hm?” The pad of his thumb is brushing your lower lip, his gaze switching from your eyes to your lips.

Your hips shift in your seat as you try to subtly relieve the stickiness that began pooling in your panties. How is it that all of that planning you did ended up like this? The end goal you originally had in mind was just for him to get angry and for him to finally apologize. You just wanted for him to know how you feel, but never would you have ever expected for it to end like this.

Though you couldn’t say that you’re complaining about it either.

You gulped, your eyes searching his lust filled ones to find any answer to his current actions in them. You’re unable to comprehend the situation, especially not when Jeongguk is looking at you this way. It makes it undoubtedly harder to focus on just what the fuck is happening right now.

“Baby, I’m talking to you.”

Hearing no response from you, Jeongguk slowly closes the gap between the two of you just until you’re mere inches away from one another. Your teeth dug into your bottom lip hard enough to almost draw blood as you feel your heart pounding out of your chest. “I asked you, do you think he can fuck you better than I could?”

As if you were in a trance, you immediately replied, “No, no he couldn’t.”

A chuckle left his lips. “I heard you last night, you know that right? You did it on purpose, didn’t you?”

With your mind a little fuzzy, you nodded. You couldn’t think about anything but him right now. Not revenge, not Taehyung, but him and the heat in between your legs. Your tongue glides across your bottom lip as you notice Jeongguk’s eyes watch you. Excitement began to overwhelm you.

All of those days and nights of daydreaming of this to happen is finally actually happening to you, and now while you’re here, you’re finding that holding yourself back from kissing him is so, so hard. His lips look so plump and soft, it’s enticing to get a taste. It’s only a matter of time before either one of you give in, and you’re thankful that it’s Jeongguk to do so.

When you feel his lips crash onto yours, your hands shoot up to play with your hair, tugging on it. This causes him to groan into the kiss. The kiss is so sloppy, so desperate, the both of you are seemingly pouring pent up frustration into it.

You try to pull away to catch your breath and once you do, the two of you notice a string of saliva, causing Jeongguk to groan and chase your lips. The sight itself is more than enough to make you rub your thighs together, though it doesn’t go unnoticed by Jeongguk, who was already splitting your legs apart with his as he begins to lay you down against the couch. “Keep your legs open.”

A whimper slips out of your lips once you feel his thigh against your wet core, but he swallows it right up with another needy kiss. The need to feel something— anything— overwhelms you, causing you to begin to grind against him. Jeongguk smirks against your lips, pulling away from you almost immediately. The confusion on your face slowly disappears once you see that he’s starting to pull your shorts down along with your underwear, though the perplexed expression reappears once he takes a seat next to you, pulling you onto his lap.

“Ride my thigh. Now.”

You were quick to align yourself once you made yourself comfortable on his lap, though you’re just now realizing that unlike you, he’s still wearing his pants. Not only that, but you wanted to feel him better without them. “But it’ll—“ A loud smack rings throughout the living room, your ass stinging with such a bittersweet pleasure from the sudden feeling.

“I’m not going to repeat myself. You wanted to be a slut last night? Then act like it.” His energy towards you catches you off guard, but you can feel a heat surge inside you that only makes you want him more.

Is there a hint of jealousy you’re noticing? Your mind ponders about it for a second until you’re quickly brushing it off. You’ll get to the bottom of it later, right now you’ve got orders to fulfill.

Your thighs go side by side of his, finally settling down on him. Once you’ve finished getting comfortable on top of him, you take a moment to look at how sexy he looks. You almost forgot how attracted you are to this man after spending days with no good interaction with him.

With a nod of his head, you begin to move. Your pace is slow at first, testing the waters until you feel his hands gripping on your hips to help you ride his thigh better. His hands encourage you to go faster, which you have more than no problem with doing.

You hadn’t realized how wet you are, until you found yourself easily gliding against him even with the resistance of his pants. “You’re so wet ___. Fuck I can feel you through these.” His left hand guides you to go faster, while his right slides down to your clit, using his thumb to rub it in small, tight circles. This only adds to the knot that forms in the pit of your stomach, a soft whimper leaves you as you grow frustrated with trying to chase after it. “Keep going. You’re doing so well for me.”

His husky voice does wonders to you, if you knew he would be this into you as you were for him, you would’ve pissed him off ages ago. “Fuck, Jeongguk. I’m close. So, so close.”

“Yeah? You’re close?” His thumb applied more pressure to your clit, as he flexes his thigh to help you. Soon enough, the small knot in your stomach became undone, leaving you panting once you rode out your high. Jeongguk peered down at the huge wet spot on his thigh where you were, and something in him snapped.

“Lay down for me, and keep your legs open.” Jeongguk swiftly took his shirt off and threw it somewhere across the room, your eyes focused on his toned body while you laid back for him. You’ve seen him shirtless countless times, but it was never this close up, nor was it ever in a situation such as this one. With the sudden awareness of your current situation, you start to feel shy knowing that he can see all of your most intimate parts, you can even feel your juices slowly drip out of you at the mere thought.

“You’re so, so beautiful.” His hands got a hold of the end of your shirt in a rush to pull it off of you, taking in the sight of you completely naked, quickly realizing that you weren’t wearing a bra this whole time.

A moan slips past his lips, moving in to press against yours for a quick kiss before he peppers soft ones down your neck, and to your chest, purposely avoiding your nipple for a split second. You can feel his breath flutter against your skin momentarily until you finally feel his tongue flick against it. Your breath hitches as you watch his tongue swirl around the bud, leaving sloppy, open mouthed kisses. His eyes never leave yours while he does it, to which you quickly begin to get embarrassed once again, the eye contact being way too much for you to handle right now, making you dart your eyes elsewhere until you can gather the mental strength to look at him again until you hear his stern voice. “Keep your eyes on me.”

Your eyes immediately shoot towards him, biting your lip as you continue to watch him practically make out with your tit. Jeongguk is already so fucking beautiful, you didn’t think it was even possible for him to look more breathtaking right now. You feel his hand snake down to your now drenched heat, your hips bucking in surprise at the very sudden warmth. His fingers teased your entrance by trailing around it, causing you to close your eyes in frustration. “Jeongguk—“

Another loud smack rings the room, but this time onto your swollen cunt. “What did I just say? Keep your eyes on me.” He lifts up from your chest to pepper more soft kisses down to your hips, snickering. “Of course a slut like you wouldn’t listen. Too busy wanting me to fill your needy cunt, is that right?”

“Yes! I need you. Please don’t tease me.”

You hear him scoff, his breath fanned lightly on your wet cunt. “Oh, now you need me? So now you need me even though you had someone else fucking you last night.” The tips of his fingers tease your entrance once more, rubbing circular movements so painfully slow. “You should’ve just asked me in the first place, fucking slut.”

He’s teasing you, even though you asked him not to. It’s driving you crazy, forcing you to grind yourself against his finger so desperately. Jeongguk simply laughs at how desperate you look underneath him.

“I would’ve made you feel way better than he could.” His finger dips inside, collecting as much of you as he can before pushing two fingers in. “All you had to do was ask.”

Your breath hitched, your hands shooting straight down to his hair to tug on the strands. His tongue swirled around your clit while his fingers made its way deeper into you, slowly increasing speed. Being forced to maintain eye contact with Jeongguk is so difficult. The sight of him is so beautiful, yes, but fuck as much as you hated to admit it, you felt as if you’re on another planet. It was impossible to focus right now.

You don’t know when it happened, but at one point you tossed any embarrassment that you had and found yourself desperately grinding yourself against his soft lips. Jeongguk groaned at the sight of you using him for your pure pleasure, removing his fingers so that his tongue could fuck you instead. His hands are fully grasped on both of your cheeks, pulling you as close as he can on his face. Jeongguk wants to be suffocated by you like this, tasting all of you as if you were his last meal on earth.

It didn’t take long for another knot to form inside your stomach, and you had to warn him. “Fuck— I’m so close..” Before you could even reach it, all of a sudden you felt a wave of cold air hitting your wetness where Jeongguk was. He pulled himself away right as you were finally about to cum, whining at the now empty feeling. Your climax was quickly ripped from you, and he could tell how badly you wanted it just by the way your lips formed a pout at him.

“Aw, did my little whore want to cum again?” He mocks while his hands are pulling both his pants and underwear down in haste, your eyes are so focused on his thick cock slapping against his stomach that butterflies roamed your stomach in pure excitement and arousal. The sight of him hovering over you so sexily was enough to make you let out a whimper, you want him so badly. You need him so badly.

With a nod, you lower your eyelids as you give him a sultry look, meanwhile your hands are slowly rubbing up and down his smooth stomach. “I wanna come on your cock…” You adjust yourself up on your elbows while one hand reaches for his dick, stroking him ever so gently. “…but I can be a good girl and wait.”

Jeongguk sighs at your words, getting up from his spot to sit on the couch, you make your way in between his legs and make yourself comfortable. You give his outer thigh a quick peck, your hand moving to stroke his cock once again. Slowly, your lips brush his tip, making sure to keep eye contact with him this time. His hand holds onto the back of your head, his fingers burying themselves into the strands of your hair to have a better grip.

You give a tiny lick to his angry head and slowly wrap your tongue fully around it while your hand meets the same pace. Even though you really want to tease him and take your time, you really badly just wanted to taste him. Teasing him would be for another day.

You finally do your best to take all of him inside of your mouth, your warm tongue laying flat on the underside of his length. “Fuuuuck, __. You feel so good.” Your eyes flutter to look at him, a beautiful expression painted on his features. His moans only started to work you up, both your hand and mouth worked together to speed up the pace. The free hand that you had moved up his thigh right until his balls, giving it a light rub.

Jeongguk’s hand is trying really hard not to push you on him completely, unknowingly rocking his hips up to meet yours. Your eyes start to well up at the force and pace that he’s using your mouth. He notices this, but doesn’t let up. Instead, he just goes faster. “Such a good girl, taking me so well.” Though your jaw starts to hurt and your throat starts to become rough, you’re determined to keep making him feel good so you keep it relaxed.

Soon enough, you could tell that he’s getting close to release because of how sloppy his thrusts are starting to become. Before you could brace yourself to taste his seed, he pulls out of your mouth and pulls you up. You didn’t have much time to react as your body gets thrown back on the couch onto your stomach. Jeongguk forces you on your knees, using your arms to steady you up so that you wouldn’t fall.

You feel him grind against your ass, feeling your saliva all on your skin. You fight the urge to try and fit him into your pussy yourself, also knowing that he's holding you in place to keep you from doing so anyway. “I need you, Jeongguk. Please.”

His hands grab onto your ass, squeezing the flesh as he takes in your words. With a chuckle, one hand leaves to shove your face into the couch. “Who owns this pretty pussy, baby?” You felt his thumb rub your entrance, causing you to arch your back further. “Me or him?”

Without a second thought, you immediately replied, “Yo—“, but before you could even finish saying yes to him, you felt his dick slam into your pussy with no warning. You let out a sharp gasp, your jaw widening at the painful, yet euphoric pleasure. He didn’t hold back on pounding into you, though you didn’t mind at all. You love it.

“I’m sorry, baby. I couldn’t hear you.” His hand slapped your ass and gripped onto your hips to keep you from falling from how hard his thrusts are. “Whose is it?”

“Yours!” Your hands grip onto his biceps, trying to hold onto anything for dear life as you feel him pound into your cunt. A groan escapes his lips as he picks up the pace.

“God, __. You’re so fucking beautiful.” Jeongguk whispers against your lips. He notices a smile forms on your face and he swears his heart is doing backflips. “I’m so obsessed with you.”

The way he’s hitting every spot in you just right, has your knees going numb right underneath him. It was almost like you guys are made perfectly for each other. “Deeper, deeper..”

You didn’t have to tell Jeongguk twice, he momentarily halted his movements to spread your legs a bit more, regaining possession of your hips as he goes to town rougher than he did before. Your back arches with the newfound speed and the way his cock is hitting your cervix. The way he manhandles you to his liking has you seeing stars, getting cockdrunk. Your hands grip onto the cushion underneath you for dear life.

The two of you are very close, you can tell by how his once calculated movements are now beginning to get both sloppier and messier. “I’m close!” you warn, feeling his fingers travel down to rub your clit in tight circles.

“Where do you want me— fuck.”

“Inside, please. It’s okay, I’m on the pill.” The thought of him being able to release inside of you only pushes him closer to the edge, but he did his best to hold off until you came. But as soon as you did, he wasted no time in following suit, gently rocking his cock back and forth to ride out your high.

Once the two of you finally come down from your intense climaxes, finished with catching your breaths, Jeongguk continues to just stare at you. You, and the way that you look so beautiful even though you’re all fucked out. You’re all he’s wanted and more.

Although his gaze on you is purely innocent on his end, you on the other hand start to overthink everything that just happened. It was completely unexpected, and now it just feels awkward to address anything. All you’re doing now is waiting for one of you to finally speak up. You turn to face him during the silence, and it wasn’t until you saw him show off his cute smile that you fell in love with, that you decided to show off your own. Not knowing he fell in love with yours as well.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just admiring you.”

His words make you slap his chest, laughing in embarrassment. “Oh, shut up!” To try and hide the heat rising onto your cheeks, you turn your back towards him and hide your face into the cushion of the couch.

It’s weird, joking with him again. Especially after the two of you just finished randomly fucking.

Jeongguk laughs, making himself comfortable next to you with his hand resting his head up. Once the laughter finally dies down, his eyes silently travel every feature on your angelic face, soon a bittersweet feeling overwhelms him. “Hey. I just wanna say sorry… for how I've been treating you lately.” A short silence falls between you, Jeongguk immediately feeling really bad now.

You aren’t sure what to say yourself, so you turn around to face him, looking into his eyes. Trying to find any hint of mischief, you come up empty handed and sigh. “Why did you do that?”

For a second, he’s confused by what you mean by your question. His hand rests on your cheek, his thumb gently caressing your soft skin. “I was dumb. I was just really jealous that you like Taehyung and I obviously didn’t handle it very well.”

“You? Jealous?” Jeongguk nods. Comprehending that definitely took some time for you, silence in the air once again. “Wait. You… like me?”

He groans, throwing himself back onto his back. “Why are you asking? Isn’t it obvious?”

You couldn’t help but laugh at him, though you quickly rested your head onto his chest to reassure him. “I just wanted to make sure I heard you correctly.” Happiness is surging through your body right now. Finally, the two of you are able to talk this through; your revenge worked like a charm. And it ended probably better than you were expecting.

Now you felt as though you owed Jeongguk an explanation.

“I did like Taehyung. But if I'm being honest, I started liking him because I didn’t think you liked me, either.” Jeongguk’s eyes shoot to look at you while you explain. His eyebrow lifts in confusion hearing your confession.

“Well what about now?” His voice is so soft, your heart nearly broke in half at the sound.

“I don’t like him that way anymore.”

Jeongguk sits up to look at you, confusion still lingering. “Wait but what about the flowers on the kitchen counter?”

At this, you couldn’t help but burst out laughing, quickly waving your hands so that he doesn’t completely misunderstand you.

“Oh, he was just helping me out. I told him about the plan of getting you back when I was at dinner with him, and he was happy to take part of the revenge to help me.” To further explain, you sit up as well, brushing your hair out of your face. “I really like you, Jeongguk. I promise. All I wanted to do was make you feel how annoying it was for me to endure all of that, but this outcome is way better than what I imagined.”

Jeongguk’s jaw drops, disbelief coating his face until he laughs once it all finally hits him, “I fucking knew it!” You give him a smile, nestling yourself onto his warm lap to wrap your arms around his neck. Your fingers gently run through his sweat-filled hair. “I’m happy you like me back. I don’t know what I’d do if you still liked him. Especially after…”

You didn’t have to hear another word, you knew what he was referring to just by the way his words lingered on. “Come on, let’s go take a shower. I wanna spend the whole day with you now that I have you back again.”

Jeongguk kisses your lips, grabbing onto you to bring you to the bathroom. “You’re never leaving my side ever again.”

taglist: @eyesforjungkook @sharkipoonis @hyunjinswifeee @sugakissrr @jiminsmainwifey @writinginlevis @minayas1998 @chickpea-jimin @withluvjm @slut4jeon @adriansbloodyvalentine

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taste of a poison paradise | jjk (m) MASTERLIST

⇝ pairing: jungkook x fem!reader

⇝ summary: Jeon Jungkook is your junior and a great student, obsessed with anime and video games. To you, he’s a Grade A geek. However, you soon find out the reason why he’s so quiet around you is because your mutual friends have told him to stay away from you for your sake, not his. Why? You wish you weren’t so curious because now you’re determined to find out.

⇝ genre: slowburn ; angst ; fuckboy!jk ; e2l

⇝ warnings: explicit sexual content, (eventual smut), plot twist, interactive, angst, love triangle cause theres a bit of yoongi x reader, reader is curious and nosy, arguing, jealousy, jk is TOXIC and so is READER, switch!jk & switch!reader, saliva play, spanking, hairpulling, slapping, protected sex, it’s an improv series so i’ll add more later, minors DNI

⇝ category: crack drabble series (bullet-point format)

⇝ status: ongoing

— d r a b b l e s ↓ (chronological order)

♢ #1 jungkook gets down like that

♢ #2 jungkook likes role-play

♢ #3 jungkook doesn’t like you

♢ #4 jungkook wants to apologize

♢ #5 jungkook doesn’t like being called a fuckboy

♢ #6 jungkook wants his expensive sneakers back

♢ #7 jungkook can only offer good dick and math notes

♢ #8 jungkook wants to talk

♢ #9 jungkook buys you a bar of kinder

♢ #10 jungkook wants you to take his bait

♢ #11 jungkook wants what’s best for you

♢ #12 jungkook doesn’t know what to do when he’s nervous

♢ #13 jungkook has some mud on his clothes

♢ #14 jungkook accepts your challenge

♢ #15 jungkook thinks you have a filthy mouth

♢ #16 jungkook can’t stop himself

♢ #17 jungkook has experience in being quiet

♢ #18 jungkook craves love and affection differently

♢ #19 jungkook wants your phone

♢ #20 jungkook doesn’t think he bares all the blame

♢ #21 jungkook thinks you have fallen for him

♢ #22 jungkook is up to date with your instagram stories

♢ #23 jungkook knows more about you than you think

♢ #24 jungkook doesn’t want to hear another word from you

♢ #25 jungkook hates everything about you

♢ #26 jungkook thinks you should end it

♢ #27 jungkook might as well admit defeat

♢ #28 jungkook wants just a little bit

♢ #29 jungkook is never drinking again

♢ #30 jungkook wants to be good to you

♢ pending…

— e x t r a s ↓

♢ playlist

♢ f.a.q.

♢ pending…

➸ request here

➸ taglist link

➸ support me by buying me some coffee if you want ☕︎♡

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PART I: BARE YOUR SOUL

PART II: BARE YOUR HEART

ROOMMATE AU/SOULMATE AU

I finally figured out my titles! Thank you to all who helped me brainstorm and a big shout out to @sumzysworld for the winning suggestion. You guys are the best. This fic has fully taken on a mind of its own. I really can’t wait to share it with you all! I even made a banner! It’s a lot more understated than my usual style, but it really fits the tone of the fic and I’m very happy with it!

coming soon…

READ A TINY TEASER HERE

AND HERE

AND HERE

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