The Oresteia Be Like:

The Oresteia be like:

she’s a poor little meow meow. she was born in a wet cardboard box all alone. she’s suffered more than jesus. she’s misunderstood. she’s a silly guy. she experienced the horrors. she did all those crimes. she has done nothing wrong. she deserves to kill. she’s the most interesting girl in the world. i didn’t say a name, but she popped into your head, didn’t she?

My dealer: got some straight gas 🔥😛 this strain is called “The Epic of Gilgamesh” 😳 you’ll be zonked out of your gourd 💯

Me: yeah whatever. I don’t feel shit.

5 minutes later: dude I swear I just saw the mountain warn me in a dream about Humbaba

My buddy Enkidu pacing: the gods are lying to us

some of my favorite pallas “scumbag” athena bits from the iliad:

shoving sthenelus out of the chariot b/c she’s going to drive diomedes into battle and she can’t be bothered to like ask him to get off

punching aphrodite in the boob

saying that aphrodite scratched her hand on a brooch when she’d in fact been stabbed on athena’s orders

making a deal with ares to stop interfering in the fight and then immediately giving diomedes special shiny powers

convincing pandarus to shoot menelaus in book four and then guiding the javelin to kill pandarus in the book five

the many, many ways she cheats during the funeral games to make sure diomedes and odysseus win

everything to do with hector’s death and deiphobus 

all the times she and hera stand in the back of the room and mutter about destroying troy together

you don't understand. every single greek warrior mourned the death of patroclus. every single sea goddess and nereid mourned his loss. the greatest warriors of the greek army like menelaus and ajax were prepared to die defending his body from the trojans so that it could be taken back to camp. achilles' horses literally cried at his death. at losing patroclus, achilles immediately wants to die as well. achilles' refusal to be parted from his body was so strong that thetis has to protect it from decay. this man was so universally loved that the entire greek camp mourned his death for DAYS

“We need more evil women in media!!” no because y'all couldn't even handle [insert any complicated morally gray female character with a long, rich history from Greek mythology that has been reduced to "girlboss" in modern retellings]