Loving Someone Doesnt Save Them *

loving someone doesn’t save them ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: in which harry appears on your doorstep & asks questions about R.A.B.

It was a tragedy for everyone else, for everyone who only knew him by his last name; but for you, it was like ripping out a part of your heart and then leaving back shattered pieces collided with the weakest glue. No one prepared you for this - he didn’t prepare you. Even the night you last saw him; he gave you a kiss on the lips, a smile, and said: « Goodnight. »

If that sick feeling was a bottle you would've broken it, if it was a wall you would've torn it down, if it was a piece of paper you would've cast it into the fire. But no, your heart was sobbing for days, months, years, and you were doomed to spend the rest of your life with a hole inside your chest that couldn't be filled.

You hated him, mostly because he said he loved you and because you had plans and he gave you his ring as a promise with a kiss and a « don’t worry everything’s going to be fine. » How could you love someone that didn’t prepare you for this? That didn’t tell you to hug him tighter that night or to say that you loved him one last time before he left once and for all. Maybe you didn’t know him as much as you thought and for the rest of your life, you would always have an unanswered question; why didn’t he give you a sign.

After eighteen years you were able to forgive him. But you never forgot about him.

You started a family away from London in the countryside, away from everything and everyone. Your husband - a muggle - didn’t know about your past and you had never opened the door of that haunted house filled with screaming voices of friends and family. Your kids were your priority, two happy little girls that wanted to play in the garden all day under the sun.

However, the sun had abandoned you the last few months and the sky was always veiled, misty with storms and rains. No matter the attempts of the Daily Prophet to reassure you and quieten your concerns, you knew something terrible was about to happen. You had seen it happening before, spreading and destroying everything in its passage. Everyone you loved was dead because of this.

And all of your suspicions came true when on a rainy afternoon thunderous poundings were heard on your door.

Your husband was in town and you were working in your office as your girls were playing in front of the fireplace. It was only natural for you to feel a knot in your stomach and your body instantly freezing.

« Mom, someone’s on the door! »

You left your typewriter aside and got out of your office. The shape of a person was printed on the glass, a man. You weren’t expecting any guests and your husband had car and keys with him.

« Girls, why don’t you go upstairs? », you smiled at them. They both looked at you unsurely with that childish expression of concern and the need to protect their mother.

« Is something wrong, mommy? »

« No, no, love, » your voice came out gently as you held their soft cheeks. « Just go upstairs. » They obeyed your words hesitantly, giving you second glances over the pile of toys gathered on their hugs, and turned to the upper floor.

Once they were out of sight, you ran to your office to get your wand and then back to the entrance. With a quick move, you raised your wand and the door opened wide, letting you point to the person that was standing there.

« Hi, » he said not really paying attention to your wand. It was a young man, a boy not even eighteen years old. « I’m looking for Y/N L/N. » For a moment you stayed there, your blood running cold in your veins, frozen, with your heart skipping beats. It couldn’t be, it was some kind of sick joke.

Your lips separated studying each and every one of his features. Rain was pressing down short black curls, droplets dripping down his half-closed eyes, and trailing lines across his dark skin. He had glasses on, foggy and stained; the same kind of glasses your best friend wore years before he was lost - murdered. But it couldn’t be him. He took them off and wiped the water with his fingers before your gaze met a deep brown, honey set of eyes - Lily Evans’ eyes.

« Harry? », you let your wand drop. He stared at you.

« You know me? »

« Don’t just sit there, come in, » you opened the door wider for him to pass inside, letting the sound of it echo behind you. Your eyes examined him. You hadn't seen him since he was only a baby.

His stare roomed the house as he gave you his jacket, seeing pictures of your children, you, your husband.

« I’m Harry, Harry Potter, » he turned back tenting his arm forward.

« I know, » you smiled at him and shook his hand. You kissed both of his cheeks and gestured to the living room. « I’m Y/N. » Your eyes kept staring at him until you caught the uneasiness in the air, so you took a seat on the armchair. « Can I bring you anything, Harry? »

« No, no, thank you, » he shook his arms sitting on the couch across from you.

« I suppose everyone tells you, you are just like your dad. Except for the eyes, of course. Those are Lily’s. »

« You knew my parents? » You smiled.

« Oh, I didn’t just know them, we were friends - best friends. I have so many stories to tell you. »

« I’d love to hear them all, » Harry said.

« And I also have a photo album. » You haven’t seen that grin and that spark in a pair of eyes for years, and the truth was, you had missed them more than words could possibly describe. « But first, you have to tell me the reason of your visit, Harry Potter. »

His cheerful expression slowly faded, clouds passing by his features. Fingers fumbled in the pocket of his jeans and without losing any time he brought out a necklace, a locket - the locket.

Your eyes exchanged a look between the locket and Harry, fear marked on your face as he offered it to you and you just shook your head pulling back.

« Where did you get this? », you asked not being able to change your gaze away from that devilry.

« Do you recognize this? », Harry questioned. You raised your eyes slowly shaking your head.

« Harry, I don’t know where you found this or what you intend to do, but please stay away from it. »

« What do you mean? »

« Where did you even find it? Did you go to the cave? » Harry furrowed his brows. You realized at that moment, he probably didn’t expect you to know and maybe it was for the best to stop yourself. But you had questions and you were sure the same applied to him. « Is this the one? »

« No, this is the fake one, » Harry said opening it and bringing forward a small piece of parchment. He offered it to you which you took hesitantly. You read it. A slight smile twitched on your lips. The handwriting, the damn handwriting, and that R.A.B. that had always been his way of signing notes or letters. « R.A.B. », Harry spoke. « Regulus Ar- »

« Arcturus Black, » you interrupted him. His eyes looked up at yours that rested on that old parchment. Your fingers traced the surface of the last words he left in this world. You rubbed your sight, a hot sense lurking behind, ready to blur your vision, and pressed your lips together tightly. « Regulus Arcturus Black. » It had been years since the last time you spoke his name out loud. You had forgotten the sound of it. It was nothing more than words in your head, but when said those three words, magically, it took life again.

« The locket belonged to Sirius’ brother, » Harry spoke as you gave him back the note. A mischievous smile slowly appeared on your face that made the boy feel uncomfortable facing someone who knew the person he was trying for months to do an introspection to.

« Is that the reason of your visit? » Harry looked at you with the fullest and deepest stare. He spoke quietly but steadily sure of what he was saying.

« You knew Regulus Black. You knew what he was trying to do. You knew everything. »

« I didn’t know anything, » you replied.

« I don’t believe you, » Harry said. You furrowed your brows and allowed your looks to meet. It was interesting talking to him. He had Lily’s straightforwardness and sharpness, and James’ expressions.

« Why are you here? How did you find me? »

« I found letters of yours in R.A.B.’s room. » With these words the muscle of your jaw clenched. You never imagined that your personal writings would be read by someone other than him. The feeling of anger was boiling under your skin. The only thing that held you back, that didn’t erupt the volcano inside you, was that he was a kid. « Hard to find. They were very well-hidden. »

« And how did you find out my name? », you asked. You always signed with a pseudonym that only a few selected people knew about.

« Professor Lupin helped me with that. » That's when you let a small smile appear on your face again and sat better back on the armchair.

« Professor Lupin? », you chuckled. « The old bastard... »

« I need to know, » Harry said seriously which brought you back to the conversation. « You knew Regulus Black. You knew. »

« I’m afraid you are losing your time here. I knew Regulus, » you told him. « I didn’t know. He didn’t let me know. »

« Why? »

« Because he loved me. » Harry didn’t speak just watched your expression change. He watched the way your jaw muscle broke, that bitter smile on your mouth and your head lightly shaking. You bit your lower lip and shrugged. « Because he knew exactly what he was doing. And because he knew exactly how it was going to end. » None of you spoke after that. « I don’t know anything, Harry, truly. He never prepared me or anyone else for this. »

« I don’t understand why he did that, » his voice cut those few seconds of silence. He shook his head, eyes fixed to the ground, giving to your piercing stare glances every now and then. « I don’t understand him. »

« You know, » you breathed out. « At first I was mad at him - maybe I still am a little - but through the years, I realized that that was his way. Regulus just followed his heart without giving any explanation to anyone. He acted with his senses and his emotions and did the things he considered right. Regulus didn’t care about the price. He could even pay with his life. »

« Sirius told me he was a stupid idiot whose only ambition was to join the Death Eaters. »

« Sirius loved him, Harry. But he didn’t know him at all. Nobody knew him really, I’m afraid. »

« What about you? »

« Barely, » you shrugged sadly. « He didn’t let me know him, he just let me love him. But does it matter now? Loving someone doesn’t save them. »

du coup donnez moi un autre film avec timothée chalamet et saoirse ronan

There seemed to be something tragic in a friendship so colored by romance

- Oscar Wilde

the photo booth ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: in which you and timothée are taking photos in a photo booth and you tell him that you love him for the first time right before the picture is taken

The secret was out. You and Timothée were officially dating according to all the Internet’s gossip blogs. Apparently, someone had spotted you in New York at a cinema and decided to capture the moment.

It was your birthday and Timothée knew how much you loved going to the theater, so, after extensive research, he found a place where there was a six-hour tribute to your favorite director. He didn’t really like the director, never understood them, and most definitely had no desire to sit for six hours in the uncomfortable cinema seat. However, he was going to endure, because he bought tickets for a different cause, to watch a six-hour tribute of you staring at the screen.

But it was the damn moment he decided to pull you closer and press a kiss to the side of your mouth - he really couldn't help it - when he heard the clicking sound of a phone camera coming from the back. He turned around, annoyance painted on his face as he noticed two girls in the back seats lowering their phones and whispering something to each other.

The same night, the whole Internet knew.

At first, you were both freaked out, drowned by the mess that was prevailing online and the fans that were going feral. Not that it really mattered what people thought about your relationship or the assumptions they were making about how serious it was or how long it was going to last, but you were relieved watching that most of the responses you got were positive.

So, instead of hiding it for fear of getting caught, you decided to embrace it and do all the things you wanted to do like a normal couple. Besides, you weren’t criminals, you were young and in love.

At least you were in love, very much in fact, that you were desperately trying to find a proper way to express your feelings for days. You weren't really looking for a response. You just wanted to let him know that you loved him, that you cared for him so much to the point of love.

« You’ve been awfully quiet for quite a while now, » Timothée said as you walked down crowded streets hand in hand, fingers tightly intertwined together, touching the other’s soft skin.

Your 35mm had run out of film so you were on your way to the nearest film shop, which wasn’t very close to Tim’s house but it didn’t matter because you loved taking long walks; the autumn air fanning on your face, pulling back your hair, and the small chills running down your spine. Also, New York was really pretty in autumn (if you removed the smell of urine and shit); fewer crowds, red trees, leaves filling the streets.

« Me? », you looked up at him with a hint of amusement in your gaze at his observation and the tiniest smile.

« Yeah, what’s wrong? », he chuckled eyes fixed on you, biting his lips. You didn't respond for a moment turning your stare to the ground. Timothée gulped, still staring at you eager to find out what was disturbing your mind the last days.

« Nothing’s wrong, » you mumbled.

The thing about Timothée was that he always believed you were way out of his league and he got way too lucky to find you, a friend and a partner all at once. Being with you was so comfortable and familiar, as if he knew you his whole life. Everything felt so natural when you were together. You were the perfect balance, you were the Yin to his Yang, one completing the other.

And the truth was that your relationship wasn’t just about balance, comfort, and ease, it was also about love - mostly about love.

Timothée had never told you how much he loved you, though he was sure that it was going to slip out of his mouth at some point, but for the moment he was just too scared of losing you, that his tongue was tangled in knots only at the thought.

« You think I don’t know when my baby is being troubled? » Your lips lightly pouted at the sound of him calling you ‘baby’ and you tied your arms higher on his bicep leaning closer to press a kiss on his shoulder. « Come on, did I do something? Was I acting like a dick? », he smiled.

« You weren’t acting like a dick, » you laughed a little getting closer to his warm body. « Quite the opposite, actually. »

« Oh, » he furrowed his brows getting the fallen pieces of hair out of your face. « Alright then. » Noticing his expression you leaned your head to the side.

« Really, » you added, « nothing's wrong. » He just pressed his lips together, burying his hands in the pockets of his sweatpants.

« If you say so, I believe you, » he forced a smile, as sweet as possible to hide his concern. Even though Timothée was an actor, one of the best, in reality, he wasn't really good with lies. You could hear it in his voice that he was pretending but decided to ignore it, at least for the moment, and bring it up when you got back home.

« We’re here, » you pointed with your head at the camera store.

« They have a photo booth, » Tim noticed as you both walked inside. « Fun fact, I’ve never taken photos in one of those. »

« Really? », you widened your eyes in surprise.

« Yeah, » he chuckled at your expression.

« Then, we should definitely get some pictures, » you said with a smile. He kissed your head once, the intoxicating smell of your honey, cinnamon shampoo filling his nostrils.

You both greeted the employee as you moved further inside looking for roll films. Timmy wandered around the place with his hoodie on, while you crouched in front of some stands searching for the very basic Kodak Portra 400.

You were skilled (and by skilled I mean you've been in that store countless times,) so it didn't take long for you to find it. Quickly you paid for your rolls and you dragged Timothée to the photo booth.

« You are so cute, » you said making him chuckle as you lowered his hoodie and ruffled his curls a little. He watched you fixing his hair, but the thoughts he was having were overwhelming so he breathed out before speaking again.

« Sorry, I have to ask again but- », he held your hands close to his chest, gaze slowly falling down, « I just feel like the last couple of days something’s going on. »

« Timothée, » you said in a serious tone, as his grip relaxed and your hands slithered to the back of his neck. « Everything is fine between us. More than fine. »

« You’re sure? », his eyes widened holding your wrists. You nodded.

« One thousand percent sure. Now, let’s get our pics! »

You put in some coins, closing the red curtain behind you. Tim pulled you into his lap and you grinned goofily hearing the clicking of the camera.

Maybe it was just his cute expressions, his smell, the way he was holding you so tightly and reassuringly telling you ‘I’m here, I’ll always be here,’ or that you didn’t want him to think something was off in your relationship, that just couldn't restrain you from telling him. All these days, you were trying so hard to find the perfect, the most romantic moment to let him know, but you couldn't wait any longer. You wanted him to know.

You looked at him deeply making him return the stare.

« Okay, you want to know what's going on? » With these words, Tim’s brows lightly furrowed but quickly bobbed his head. « I love you. » You pressed your mouth shut in an attempt to hide a growing grin as you looked at Timothée’s surprised face which quickly heated up flaming red, lips separated and eyebrows slightly raised. You couldn’t help but laugh forgetting about the clicking sound in the back.

« You love me, » Tim repeated slowly before you touched his mouth with your lips and he stayed there too shocked and frozen to reply to your sweet kiss.

« Look at you! », you pointed at him as you got the four pictures in your hands. Timothée was still jaw-dropped. He truly believed for a few moments that you were going to break up with him. He didn’t give any attention to the photos instead kept staring at your cheerful face. « Your face! You are so- »

« I love you too, » Tim finally spoke. Your expression softened raising your stare and slowly smiling at him. « Very much. » He nodded eagerly.

« Okay, » you bit your lower lip watching the huge grin on his face and the way he clenched his jaw. The moment your eyes met he couldn’t help but look away. Timothée approached you to see the pics, hands wrapped around your waist, head on your shoulder as he pressed a kiss on your neck leaving a ‘mwah’ sound that only made you giggle.

« Okay. »

you ever know someone and you think “god i love you. i wish we could’ve known eachother when we were carefree and 11. i wish we could’ve played together as kids”

touching grass is not enough i need to have a dionysian ritual with my besties in the mountains

ice cream hunt ༊*·˚

m.list ◦ askbox

synopsis: on a hot summer afternoon reader and timmy go for an ice cream hunt in nyc

It was a warm smokey summer afternoon. New York was an oven. The day; Thursday, the most boring day of the week.

Windows and balcony doors opened wide, let the last sun rays swim inside your apartment alongside a small breeze that made the curtains fly and then linger on the floor. There was music from your neighbor's house concealed by the loud tireless honking of cars down the street.

You and Timothée were laying on the couch, only wearing the sunlight, half-asleep, half-awake, watching mind-numbing sprit-crushing TV shows. He held your feet on his lap as his head fell back melancholically, breaths escaping his pouty lips.

« Tim are you sleeping ? », you asked. He mumbled something in response and then turned his head in your direction, face red, sweat holding onto the skin under his eyes.

« It’s so hot, » he told you. You smiled.

« You know what I want ? », you asked.

« No. » You lightly tilted your head, the smile gradually growing until it reached your ears. Timothée groaned pulling his hair back and holding it out of his face already knowing what you wanted to tell him. « Baby, it’s so hot... »

« Come on ! Let’s go out for a walk. »

« Someone literally got a heat stroke the other day- », Tim said. You rolled your eyes.

« You are just being lazy, » you murmured throwing your head back dramatically.

« I’m not being lazy. It’s just too hot outside. »

« We can go for a walk and get some ice cream. »

« Ice cream would be nice, » he mumbled.

« Then let’s go get it ! », you said sitting better, your back leaning on the couch. Timothée just looked at you as you took your feet off him and stood up. « Come on, get dressed, » you motioned your hand to him.

« I’m so tired, I can’t even get up, » he told you, eyes following all your moves. You threw a t-shirt on top of his face.

« How can you be tired ? We’ve been watching that crap all day. »

« Look, » he uncovered his face. « If you manage to pull me up from the couch, we’ll go get ice cream. » Your stare stayed at him for a few seconds and then you smiled.

« Your laziness is next level, » a chuckle escaped your lips. He beamed at you. « You want me to get you dressed too ? »

« Yes, please. »

« Timothée get up, » you said putting on your t-shirt.

« Ah, help me, » he tented his arms forward.

« Lazy ! »

« What do you mean ? That’s my charm, » he smiled.

You walked closer to him and he tied his arms around your hips pulling you closer until his cheek touched your belly. You pulled his wild hair back and leaned to kiss his forehead.

« You are a lazybones but I still love you, » you lowered your gaze at him. He looked up at you with a grin that made his eyes squint and his nose wrinkle. Timothée nodded letting you take his curls back. « Come on, » you took his hands on yours, and before letting a wet kiss on the back of his palm, you pulled him up.

« You really want ice cream, huh ? », he laughed wrapping his arm around your shoulder and giving you a peck on the lips.

« Ah, you are sweaty ! » You lightly pushed his chest. He grinned as he picked up his t-shirt and put it on.

« Got the keys ? », he asked once you got ready.

« Got ‘em. »

Wind rushed past you with razor teeth, hot like the breath of a dragon. You strolled down the street, two flames under the starless purple sky, dark and bright, streetlights following your steps. Timothée held your hand while crossing the road and he insisted on staying on the outside of the pavement, making your walk seem like an adventure.

You asked him if he remembered what was your favorite ice cream flavor and he just rolled his eyes as if you asked him his name. You laughed about nothing special while wandering around the city, watching the colors change above your heads until the sky turned into a blue shade like the deepest part of the ocean, and you finally reached the ice cream parlor.

« What will you get ? », you asked.

« What I am always getting, » Timothée said and then furrowed his eyebrows wearing his playful smile. « You remember or... »

« Or... », you shook your head questionably. « I’ll just get you whatever I want. »

« Sounds good, » he nodded, curls bouncing up and down. You smiled as your hand fumbled on his hair and pulled it behind his ears.

You left him chuckling to himself while you walked closer to the counter. His eyes followed your every move and stayed on you even when you looked away. You turned back to him, eyebrows furrowed, and shook your head watching the way he was staring at you with his sweet smile and red cheeks. Timothée shrugged imitating your move.

« Here you go, » you gave him his cone but quickly pulled it back to take a quick bite. He pressed his lips together looking at you for a few seconds before bringing your arm up and taking out his tongue to lick your cone. You burst into laughter at the way his nose was covered in ice cream too.

« Dummy, » you smiled cleaning his nose with your paper towel.

« Yours is better, » he said. « Wanna change? »

You slid your hand around his arm as you made your way back home slowly with steady steps and different cones, following the sidewalk.