Death

Death

team moms

bruce wayne: Oh, you think you're being cute?

terry mcginnis: Bitch, I'm adorable.

little mermaid JayVik au

Hi I'm so sorry, I kind of beefed the "little" part, I know too much about mermaid folklore and too little about disney movies. Along the same Vein, TW for.... yknow how mermaids in folklore eat people? Good news. Jayce doesn't. Bad news. Very Brief discussion of that. Hope you like it anyway! ___ Jayce doesn’t know where humans hide their gills.

It’s not the only question he has– or the most important one, not by a long shot– but it’s the one that bugs him the most. Every living creature he’d ever gotten a hold of– except for birds– have gills. Are humans like birds? But he’d never seen a human with wings, either, and that was irritating. He didn’t like fussing with the bodies that sank– his father’d raised him not to play with his food, but also, he didn’t.... Like. Eating people.

He didn’t want to hunt them, he wanted to learn about them. He wanted to collect all the little objects that sank off of their ships, take them apart, understand them. He loved the glass lenses in things, wanted to know how they were made, wanted to know how humans worked their hands, how their soft fingers to make things so delicate. So he worked the forges, even though he really didn’t need to. He stuck to hunting fish. They were easier anyway, and tasted better, in his opinion. Plus it did something unpleasant to his gut, hurting people. He didn’t care for it.

So maybe this was bound to happen.

It’s the first hunt he’s been near in years– it had been fairly clear fairly young that Jayce had neither the willingness nor the aptitude to hunt so he was kept well away from it. It had made him fairly solitary. He was being humored– he knew that– but he didn’t mind it as long as it mean he could keep to his hobbies. And every once in a while he managed to invent something that made things easier, sometimes weapons, and so his hobby was...tolerated.

It wouldn’t be after this.

Everything happens very fast. There’s a ship over his head– and Jayce usually goes through the ships after they sink, that’s not a good sign, and there’s a pod attacking it. And on it’s other side–

A man hits the water.

And he’s still alive.

He’s not bleeding, not morally wounded, so the pod hasn’t scented him yet. The water above seems to be churning, and the sea is pulling its tides tight– there’s rough weather, the hunt’s distracted, the man is sinking, and he’s–

Jayce realizes with a sick little jolt that the man’s right leg isn’t moving the same as his left, the strange movements humans makes to swim aren’t working, and he’s holding onto a strange stick, and if he gets any deeper, the pod will spot him.

So Jayce moves without thinking.

His tail flicks out behind him– he’s terrified he’ll be spotted, the metallic sheen of his tail catches the light– but in the dark seething water there’s none to reflect, and he surges up through the water to catch the man as he sinks.

Their eyes meet, and the human’s get very very wide, but he doesn’t talk, and Jayce cocks his head, a little, trying to think. He could speak a few human languages, but they didn’t work under– oh. Human language doesn’t work underwater. Even as he’s thinking it, the man seems to gag a little, and he wraps the arm holding the stick around Jayce’s shoulders and points upwards.

Smarter, anyway, to get out of the pod’s way.

Jayce gathers the man into his arms and pulls him up, aiming to hide in the shadow of the ship, even as it rocks from side to side. The man gasps, spits up water.

“Are you alright?” Jayce asks, the words strange and foreign against his ears. He’s out of practice. He pauses, tries to recall another human language, but the man laughs, shaking his head.

“I think that depends on what you’re planning to do with me.” He says. “Are you going to leave me to drown?”

Jayce fumbles for a second for the meaning of drown– die. He’s pretty sure that means die.

“No.” He says. “I’m not. But I don’t think I can save your crew.”

“They pushed me off.” the man says, clinging to Jayce’s shoulders. “As soon as we spotted the– mers.” he pauses. “You’re a fascinating specimen. May I–” he reaches up, and it takes Jayce a second to realize the man is reaching for his ear fins, the red-tipped edges poking through his hair.

“If you want.” Jayce says, a little stunned, but as the man reaches up for him the ship buckles towards them and Jayce has to pull him defensively against his chest. The sea is still rising and falling underneath them, Jayce’s powerful tail not quite keeping on top of the waves. The man wraps his arms tight around Jayce’s neck.

“Can you get me to shore?” He asks, voice tight.

“I– think so.” Jayce says. “It’s–” he realizes he doesn’t know the distance in human measurements, and sighs. “–I can get you there. But we’ll have to go under, so we won’t be able to talk.”

“I can’t hold my breath very long, I have weak lungs.”

Jayce pauses, trying to translate.

“–Cant you just switch to your gills?” he asks.

There’s a long silence, and the man pulls back. “Did you think humans had gills?” he asks, voice strained.

“You don’t?”

“Wait, you knew the word lungs, which implies that you’re aware of the existence of–”

The ship rocks again, and the man makes a frustrated noise. “We are going to talk more later.” He says, like a promise. “I need to breathe above the surface. You need to resurface every minute if you don’t keep my head above water. Can you keep my head above water?”

“We’ll have to go through the waves.” Jayce says, equally frustrated from being distracted from human biology.

“That’s fine.” he says, and then–

“Viktor.”

Jayce gives him a fanged grin. “Jayce.” he says.

Viktor looks distracted for a second, long enough that Jayce cocks his head, trying to figure out what that expression is. Viktor shakes himself out of it.

“They say mermaids are beautiful,” he says. “But you’re really. Exquisite. Do all mermaids possess matching metallic coloration on their tails and ears? The gold is incredible. Your eyes and your tail– and the red accents on your ear fins. Is there red in your tail, too? What color are your par–”

Viktor gets a faceful of water as the ship rocks again, and Jayce winces. He’d been distracted too– the man’s hair looks soft where it’s glued to his face, his eyes big and open, his face precisely carved like a figurehead.

“I’m sorry,” he says, “let's move?”

“Yes.” Viktor agrees. “And then you tell me everything.”

“Mutually.” Jayce agrees, pulling him close and taking off for shore.

Criminal Minds and Brooklyn Nine-Nine Crossover Headcanons

In celebration of the news that there will be a (final) season 15 of Criminal Minds and the premiere of season 6 of Brooklyn Nine-Nine!

When the BAU is called to work with the 99th precinct of he NYPD, they expect the usual — “we don’t need you here, we don’t take orders from the feds, etc etc”

Instead they are greeted with a cross between a party and a worship ceremony

“oh my god ITS THE FBI YOU GUYS ARE SO COOL”

needless to say, they are shocked and slightly concerned for this police force

Captain Holt greets them immediately, thanking them profusely for coming. Prentiss immediately loves this man, as does Hotch.

Let’s be real. Hotch and Holt doing simultaneous glares would burn someone to ashes immediately.

However, the person Prentiss takes a liking to the most would 110% be Rosa. A girl after her own heart (Prentiss may or may not want to carry an axe now)

Prentiss also might have a little crush on Rosa

okay maybe a big crush

Especially after seeing her take down a fleeing suspect

Rosa might reciprocate it

Especially after watching her interrogate said suspect (and totally putting him in his place)

And Terry might notice and try to be her wingman

“c’mon, when’s the next time you’ll work with a badass FBI agent who likes girls?”

“I don’t like her.”

“uh huh. Terry knows. Terry can tell.”

Speaking of bi panic

Jake

Loves

Morgan

I mean, who doesn’t

He’s taken aback when the hottest man he’s ever seen walks into the bullpen

One of those classic “oh my god” *jaw hits the floor* Jake moments

And of course Jake is with Amy

But Amy equally appreciates Derek

And they appreciate him together. Because they’re a supportive couple.

Derek would so catch on (he’s a profiler, of course he would) and subtly make both of their lives heaven and hell by flirting with them constantly

Amy would have read all of Rossi’s books and would make a total fool of herself and end up blabbering on about random facts from his books before she asks for his autograph

He would smile, give her an autograph, and say, “there’s someone I’d like you to meet.”

Spencer and Amy hit it off immediately.

They bond over crossword puzzles initially. Spencer helps Amy with her daily puzzle, and they get talking about everything under the sun.

Amy is fascinated with Spencer, and Spencer is so happy to have someone engaged in what he’s saying.

They end up as a nerdy buddy-cop duo for the duration of the case.

Boyle and Rossi, oddly enough, also form quite the bond.

Over food.

It all starts when Charles is telling Gina about the new spaghetti recipe he tried the night before

And Rossi overhears

And he’d betray all of his Italian ancestors if he didn’t join a conversation about spaghetti.

Rossi might think that Boyle is a little strange, but he’s spent so much time with the BAU that he’s used to it.

So they talk about Italian cuisine for the entire case.

When Derek first calls Penelope in their presence, Terry is appalled with the way he speaks to her… until he realizes that it is VERY much reciprocated. He is then slightly embarrassed at the whole situation.

Terry is in the room for a video chat with her, and he immediately loves this sweet technical analyst with the colorful glasses and the animal videos.

They end up talking about farmers markets and yogurt more than the actual case. And kittens.

JJ ends up commiserating with Holt and Hotch about trying to run a team of small children, but she does take a liking to Amy. And Jake. She sees their successful relationship in law enforcement as a reflection of her and Will’s.

Gina is also enamoured with Spencer, but he is very confused by her. Still, he lets her test his eidetic memory in various bizzarre ways.

Jake would also have Spencer quote Die Hard every other second

Holt and Hotch would be perfectly professional, but behind closed doors, they would share of the antics of their beloved teams like proud dads.

It would be fabulous.

Also, a few of these headcanons were suggested by other tumblr users on my previous b99/Criminal Minds post, so if you want credit for any one of them, just let me know!

Feel free to reblog this and add your own headcanons!

secret santa for @clownunion!