Omg Yesss!! We Were Highly Robbedddd!!!!

Omg yesss!! We were highly robbedddd!!!! 😭

There are many things I will not forgive COVID for but one of them is taking away the moment Maddie and Chimney told their family (Buck, Hen, rest of the firefam, Mr and Mrs Lee, Albert, Josh) they’re having a baby.

Robbed. 😭

I cannot tell you how much this scene SENT ME!! I had to pause the episode to compose myself. 😭🤣🤣

when your boyfriend and your boyfriend’s ex wife’s husband are both chaotic insane but your two solid braincells aren’t enough to resist joining in on their stupid #prayfordavid

❤️

Hi if you want it because I’m angry too. After Maddie notices Chim being a little cold for a day she confronts him. He admits he’s hurt because he opened up to her about Kevin and she never mentioned Daniel. But also. When I mean “cold” of course I don’t mean how awful he was last night, just a little hurt

It’s been an emotionally taxing few days for all involved. Maddie feels exhausted both physically and emotionally but at the same time… relieved that the secret is out. There’s the guilt that comes with being the eldest sister because now Buck has to share some of the pressure that she’d tried to keep on her own shoulders but now he knew about Daniel and it was no longer this secret looming over her head. 

Truthfully, Maddie had done well at keeping the memory of her older brother hidden. She’d stored it somewhere, not to be thought about until the sudden realisation of what her parents must have gone through hits her one day. The thought had come from nowhere one day, just a few hours after the first time she had felt her daughter kick and she had wanted to call her mom to ask her how she had felt the first time she had felt her kick. And then she remembered, as though she could have ever truly forgotten, that she wasn’t the first kick her mother would have ever felt. 

She hasn’t even met her daughter yet but she knows that the loss would be phenomenal. It was why she had always tried to sympathise with her parents as much as anyone possibly could, remembering a nine year old version of herself nodding her head as her parents force her to promise to never mention Danny again. ‘You don’t want to make your mom cry, do you, Maddie?’ Repeated in her mind over and over again until she tried to focus on her little brother and being the best big sister she could possibly be. She was protecting him from the pain that had lurked over the Buckley household even now. Twenty-nine years later. 

Maddie’s hand rests on her bump, feeling the gentle movements of her daughter before she looks up at Chimney. He’s been quiet for the past few days, a thoughtful look on his face and she knows that he feels the relief of a secret he’s only known for a few days, being out in the open. She’s carried the weight of it for almost thirty years, not because she was ashamed of Daniel or his life, not because she wanted to forget him but because his memory had become more of a painful reminder of what could have been… what should have been. It was easier, simpler not to focus on that pain. 

“Are you okay?” She finally asks, knowing they need to address the tension between them. He’s been there for her in every single way possible, holding her hand when she needs him, smiling along with her parents, being him but it still felt as though there was something lingering in the air. An unspoken argument, tethering on the edge of exploding at any second. 

He seems surprised by the question, sitting up in the chair, his attention finally turned away from the blank stare he had been giving the television. “I feel like I should be asking you that question.” He murmurs, a frown on his lips before his eyes flicker to the small circles she’s rubbing on her stomach. 

It’s with a small shrug of her shoulders that she gives him a small, sad smile, “Not really but I think I will be one day. Eventually.” If Buck can ever truly forgive her, anyway because she knows for a fact that she will never be okay again if she doesn’t have her little brother in her life. But she needs to give him some time and space to process and to grieve what happened, realising she had never been given the same opportunity. Maybe now she can, maybe now that Daniel is out in the open, his photograph still sitting on the coffee table where Buck had left it, maybe she will be able to remember the good times and not the end. “You’ve been quiet.” 

He gulps, shifting in his seat a little before he nods his head, “I guess I’m a little hurt.” He finally announces and Maddie feels the stab of pain rushing through her at the admission. She had known, on some level, that it would bring up memories for him, too and that of course, the fact that she had hidden such a huge part of her life from him when she had promised him no more hiding. “I sat right where you are right now, once and I told you about Kevin. I opened up to you about losing my brother and you sat there for… hours as you held me and you didn’t think that maybe… even just mentioning Daniel would have… I-I don’t know… been important?” 

There are in his eyes, and she holds back her own because she remembers that conversation well. Truthfully, the memory of Daniel had been long suppressed by then from years of telling herself that her pain was nothing compared to the pain of her parents, years of trying to be the good daughter, hoping that they would be the parents they were before again. Any sadness she’d felt that day as she held a crying Chimney in her arms had been for him or at least, that was what she had told herself at the time. She takes a breath as she nods her head, knowing it seems to be the theme of the week so far - she hadn’t spoken to a single person who isn’t mad at her or hurt by her from her parents to Buck and now Chimney. At least she’s back in work tomorrow, maybe she can feel as though she’s helping someone. 

“I don’t think me telling you about my dead brother would have helped you.” She finally says, her words slow and careful as she looks at him. “I wasn’t allowed to have any good memories of Daniel like you do of Kevin. It was all… tainted with the before and after of it all and honestly, I hadn’t… this is probably going to make you hate me even more but when you were talking about your brother, I wasn’t thinking about mine. I didn’t… you were the first person I ever mentioned his name to since I was sat down by my parents and made to promise never to utter his name again. Not to them, not to Buck, not to anyone. So I didn’t. And I never forgot him but… it was easier to not think about him until I felt this little one kick and I realised that… what my parents went through… and then Buck said he was in therapy and I panicked. I guess I thought if he never knew the truth about our childhood then it would protect him somehow. That I could carry it all because… that’s what big sister’s do, right?” 

There’s silence and a moment where she really dreads that maybe she’s lost her boyfriend and her brother in one fell swoop before he moves to sit on the couch next to her, a hand resting on her knee. “I could never hate you, Maddie. It’s just hard feeling like you still… hide things from me. We’re having a baby together and I can’t help but wonder what else I don’t know about you.” 

“That’s fair.” She whispers, “I think I’m used to hiding, more than I thought I was. I’ve always had to hide a part of myself but I promise you there are no more secrets.” She hesitates before she rests her hand on top of his, brushing her thumb over his knuckles as she bites down on her lip, “I’m so sorry for messing up, again and as horrifically overdone as this line is… it’s not you, it really is me and I’ll try harder. I don’t… I-I’ll stop listening to the little voice in my head that tells me to shut up when I think I’m saying too much because you know how I feel about you…” 

Their eyes meet, her bottom lip trembling when the tears escape, squeezing his hand tightly, taking a breath when she realises it’s probably not what he needs to hear. “I do love you and I do trust you and I know I’ve hurt you but… we’ll be okay, won’t we?” 

The silence is terrifying because truthfully, she doesn’t know if she’s lost Buck and his trust forever and she doesn’t know if she’ll ever be able to live with the knowledge that she’s lost two of the most important men in her life. “Maddie, I…” A part of her feels as though she’s bracing for impact, as though she’s been waiting for her world to fall apart just when things were getting too good, “I love you.” She lets the words settle over her for a moment, feeling the usual warmth that comes with them, “Of course we’re gonna be okay.” 

His smile is soft, barely reaching his eyes before she shifts her body to curl into his side as much as she can as his hand moves towards her bump and his lips press to her head. “I’m really sorry.” 

“No more apologising, just... no more hiding, for real this time, please?” She sniffs as she tilts her head slightly to press her lips to his neck. “I love you, both of you.” She closes her eyes at the crack in his voice, nudging her nose into the crook of his neck when she lets out a sob. 

“We love you, too. So much.”

Very true!

Not that I ever thought this but after watching the episode I don’t think Maddie is the favorite and actually far from it. The parents are obviously hypercritical of Maddie. And I think part of bucks issues with his parents came from him standing up for Maddie.

I very much feel as though they just... didn’t want to parent anymore after Daniel’s death which is a sad reality for a lot of people who have been through something like this.

I don’t think they liked either Maddie or Buck very much or enjoyed being either of their parents. It just seems to be that Maddie, prior to Daniel’s death, got to experience something different. It doesn’t make her the favourite, it just means the difference between pre and post trauma they obviously didn’t get help for. It’s sad that people can’t see this and seem to be using it as an opportunity to victimise Buck and vilify Maddie but I knew that no matter what the secret was, a very small fraction of the fandom would do that.

I just... you cannot drag one sibling down to lift the other onto some sort of victim pedestal. They both suffered greatly - the difference being that Maddie knew why and Buck didn’t and I’m not sure either of those is the kinder option.

These literally keep hitting so close lol. ❤️👌🏼

"Me watching me make another bad decision"

😂👌🏼

Honestly if Bucks face isn’t something out of that’s so Raven when his repressed memory returns to him, I want my money back

Maddie: *secret*

Buck: