All I Want Is A Tatted Masc Girlfriend Who Looks Exactly Like Julien Baker, Can Shred On A Guitar, And

all I want is a tatted masc girlfriend who looks exactly like Julien Baker, can shred on a guitar, and has a brilliant mind. is that too much to ask for? jeez what does a girl have to do

Nihilism and the concept of life being meaningless is a mindset that has entrapped me for a long time. I’ve seen it in a lot of younger people, especially in those like myself who suffer from mental disorders. When I was experiencing suicidal thoughts, I would use “life is meaningless and nothing matters” as fuel for my fire. I’d like to challenge these statements by both agreeing and adding onto them. yes. life is essentially meaningless. we live, we die, we are remembered for possibly a few generations, and we are eventually forgotten. however, as an addition to the “nothing matters” statement, I present “nothing matters forever”. the hug you gave your little sister won’t matter when you’ve both been forgotten. but it matters now because you saved your sisters life and she’d been contemplating suicide that night. she went on to smile at a stranger in the grocery store, and that smile made them believe in humanity again. that strangers regained hope led them to start a non-profit that helped thousands of people. what I’m trying to say is that we cannot be remembered forever, but we can do tiny acts of good that ripple out into other generations. nothing we do matters in the end, but right now, while we’re still alive, everything we do matters. positive nihilism is the way to go.

thinking about the dichotomy of being a queer woman who fits into neither the feminine nor masculine category. the clear privilege I have when I am embodying a more feminine presentation and am therefore straight-passing. then the fear I experience when I align my appearance with a more masculine presentation and I know that this makes me appear more outwardly gay. the sort of imposter syndrome I have…like can I really claim oppression and voice my experiences with micro aggressions and homophobia as a queer woman when I can also adjust my appearance to appear straight and avoid those things? I have been dwelling on this idea of gender expression and the ways in which my presentation effects peoples treatment of me, but I find it important for me to say that no matter how you express your sexuality or gender identity outwardly, you are still valid in your experiences with oppression and hate. You can both acknowledge that you may have privilege within your queerness while also acknowledging that your identity as a non-straight or non-cis person makes you inherently hold less privilege than straight and cis individuals. anyways…

unfortunately, being gay is extremely painful. the terrors are getting to me. I have decided to be straight. y’all stay safe out there lesbians <333

I think boygenius’ dynamic as a whole but in particular Lucy Dacus’ music is so beautiful because it depicts friendship with a level of genuine love that I find western society (and arguably the majority of cultures) undervalues so constantly we often forget it exists. Next to no other artists write songs about friendship which play like love songs in the way her music does.

my first concert was Khalid

my last concert was bartees strange/dijon/clairo/boygenius at re:set

my next concert is hopefully Julien Baker on her next solo tour! (Also need to see Lucy solo, I’ve only seen Phoebe solo)

my favorite concert is boygenius. They were amazing and life changing.

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