Humans Are Weird: Never Prank A Human

Humans are weird: Never prank a Human

Alien: So were you able to get back at the captain?

Alien 2: I don’t want to talk about it…..

Alien: What do you mean?

Alien: Last time you were here you told me that you found out that the human was afraid of “clowns” and had just ordered an outfit to wear and scare him with.

Alien 2: It did not go as planned.

Alien: What; did you not scare them?

Alien 2: Oh I did.

Alien 2: Waited in his quarters and then when he was just about to lay down in bed I jumped out and scared him before running out of the room.

Alien: Alright, mission complete.

Alien 2: I had just made it back to my quarters when the intercom activated and the captain spoke.

Alien 2: *Imitating human captain “All crew, all crew; we have a code clown, repeat, we have a code clown; this is not a drill.”

Alien: Wait, humans have a code for that?

Alien 2: Apparently.

Alien: But aren’t they silly humans wearing makeup and silly clothes.

Alien 2: Nope.

Alien 2: Turns out “Clowns” are intergalactic beings that feed on humans and try to lure them away from their packs with their bright outfits and silly faces.

Alien: Oh gods.

Alien 2: Next thing I knew bulkheads were sealing left and right and armed patrols were conducting a room by room search.

Alien: Shut the florp up.

Alien 2: I watched through my doors peephole as they dragged my next cabin neighbor out kicking and screaming as they found white face paint amongst their belongings.

Alien 2: After that everyone onboard was removed from their cabins and placed in the main hall before it was sealed off.

Alien 2: The captain came out with a row of armed guards on either side and demanded whoever was harboring the clown step forward at once.

Alien 2: When no one did the captain became angry and said he would begin interrogating people until he found the culprit. Any who were found guilty would be sent out the airlock.

Alien: This all seems rather unlike humans.

Alien 2: I thought so to.

Alien 2: Yet it seems to stem from their great fear of these clown like beings.

Alien: What happened next?

Alien 2: The captain led people one by one into another room before coming back for another person.

Alien: What happened to the first person they took?

Alien 2: They never came back….

Alien: Dear gods….

Alien 2: One by one the entire crew was hauled away until it was just me and the captain.

Alien 2: He asked me, *Imitating captain “Are you a clown?”

Alien 2: I said “No sir.”

Alien 2: They said “Have you helped a clown board my vessel an place us all in jeopardy?”  

Alien 2: I said “No sir, I would never.”

Alien 2: He said “I know you’re a lying sack of froth shite and you’ve just dug your own grave. We searched your room and found the clown suit!”

Alien 2: I said “There must be some mistake!”

Alien 2: He replied “I don’t make mistakes boy; and now your time has come to pay for your crimes.”

Alien 2: A pair of guards came over and began dragging me to doorway I assumed was the airlock intent to shoot me out of it.

Alien 2: I kicked and screamed and begged but they threw me in and locked the door behind me.

Alien 2: I heard the countdown timer begin as the captain leaned in and laughed at me as I started banging away at the door.

Alien 2: The timer reached 0 and the opposite door flung open as I prepared myself to die.

Alien: Well I take it you didn’t die since you’re right here telling me this story.

Alien 2: I was greeted by a laughing throng of guests standing around on our destination planet.

Alien 2: It seemed we had landed the night before and the captain had failed to inform the rest of the guests.

Alien 2: He had known it was me in the clown suit and had pulled each guest aside to get them onboard with his revenge prank while making me believe they had been flung out an airlock.

Alien: Wow. That’s fucked up even by our standards.

Postcrossing US-10679785 by Gail Anderson Via Flickr: Postcard with a colorful illustration of women done by artist Cynthia Kittler for an advertisement. Sent by a Postcrossing member in the United States.

I met my biological mother after a while, and she was in a bit of a bad shape. She's alcoholic. My (foster) mother said that it's understandable to feel bad about it. But I didn't, I didn't feel anything. And I feel more bad about that I didn't. I feel kind of disconnected from her. Like, she isn't my mother. And I'm not the child anymore, who was feeling excited to see her after a long time.

I was looking at her like the patients at work. Maybe even less than that. Like from the outside.

Wow

The North Rose window of Chartres Cathedral, France, 1190-1220 CE. The stained glass window shows scenes of Jesus Christ, the prophets and 12 kings of Judah.

I have deep love for the cat.

Title: An Afternoon Stroll

Artist: Peder Mørk Mønsted

Date: 1888

Style: Realism

Genre: Landscape

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