Heizenka - My Father Will Hear About This!

𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐝𝐨𝐰𝐬 𝐨𝐟 𝐮𝐬

❂ Lee x f!reader

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

— content warnings: angst

— word count: 0.9k

Lee's life had never been easy, but for the first time in years, he felt a semblance of normalcy. He had Y/N, a bright light in his otherwise dark existence, and for her, he tried to be the man she believed him to be. They had found a small, rundown house on the outskirts of a sleepy town, a place where they could hide from the world and from his past.

Every morning, Lee would wake up to find Y/N beside him, her hair a tangled mess and her face peaceful in sleep. He treasured these moments, these fleeting glimpses of a life he thought was forever out of his reach. They would spend their days exploring the town, cooking meals together, and laughing at the little things that made life bearable. For the first time, Lee allowed himself to hope.

But hope was a dangerous thing for someone like him. The hunger was always there, lurking beneath the surface, a constant reminder of the monster he was. He fought it with everything he had, but he knew it was only a matter of time before it would break free. He had told Y/N about his condition, about the darkness that threatened to consume him, but she had refused to leave him, her love unwavering.

One night, after a day spent picnicking by a nearby lake, they lay in bed, tangled in each other's arms. Y/N rested her head on his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. Lee stroked her hair, his mind a whirlwind of emotions. He loved her more than he had ever thought possible, but the fear of losing control haunted him.

"I love you," she whispered, her voice a soft caress against his skin.

"I love you too," he replied, his voice heavy with emotion.

She lifted her head, her eyes meeting his. "We'll get through this, Lee. Together."

He nodded, though doubt gnawed at his insides. "I know. I just... I worry. About what I might do. About losing you."

She pressed a kiss to his lips, silencing his fears with her touch. "I'm not going anywhere," she promised.

…

But promises were fragile things, easily broken by the harsh reality of life. That night, as Lee drifted off to sleep with Y/N in his arms, he was unaware of the storm brewing inside her. She had seen the darkness in him, felt the cold edge of fear that came with loving someone who battled such demons. She loved him, but the fear was becoming too much to bear.

Y/N lay awake, listening to the steady rhythm of Lee's breathing. She had seen the signs, the struggle in his eyes, the way he would sometimes pull away from her, afraid of what he might do. She wanted to believe that love was enough, that they could conquer anything together, but doubt had taken root in her heart.

As the hours passed, Y/N made a decision that broke her heart. She couldn't stay. She couldn't risk waking up one day to find the man she loved had become a monster. With tears streaming down her face, she carefully disentangled herself from Lee's embrace, trying not to wake him.

She packed a small bag, taking only what she needed. She wrote a note, her hands shaking as she tried to find the words to explain why she had to leave. But how could she explain the fear, the helplessness? In the end, she kept it simple.

*Lee, Please forgive me.*

She placed the note on the pillow beside him, pressing a kiss to his forehead one last time. Then, with a heavy heart, she slipped out the door and into the night.

…

Lee woke up to the cold emptiness of the bed beside him. At first, he thought Y/N had just gotten up early, but as he stretched out his hand, he found the note. His heart pounded in his chest as he read the words, his mind struggling to process the reality of her absence.

"No," he whispered, the word barely escaping his lips. He jumped out of bed, frantically searching the house for any sign of her. But she was gone. The silence of the house was deafening, a stark contrast to the laughter and warmth that had filled it just the day before.

Panic set in as he ran outside, calling her name. The only response was the echo of his own voice. He raced to the edge of the property, looking for any sign of where she might have gone, but there was nothing. She had vanished, leaving behind only the aching void in his heart.

"Y/N!" he screamed, his voice breaking with desperation. "No no no no.."

The night swallowed his cries, offering no solace. He fell to his knees, his hands trembling as he clutched the note. The pain of her absence was a physical thing, tearing at his insides, threatening to consume him.

…

Lee spent the next few days in a haze of despair and determination. He couldn't accept that she was gone. He drove through the town, asking anyone he came across if they had seen her. He checked every bus station, every motel, every place he thought she might go. But there was no trace of her.

He couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. The hunger he had fought so hard to control was now a dull roar in the back of his mind, overshadowed by the agony of losing Y/N. Every night he returned to their empty house, hoping against hope that she would be there, waiting for him. But each night he was met with the same crushing silence.

The days turned into weeks, and still, he searched. His once-pristine truck was now covered in dust and grime, a testament to the miles he had traveled to find her. He grew gaunt and hollow-eyed, a shadow of the man he had been with Y/N by his side

copyright 2021 heizenka, all rights reserved. I do not allow my creations to be published of translated anywhere else so please do not repost.

(❛) - request  (✿) - fluff  (✯) - angst 

percy jackson

coming soon

luke castellan

doomsday - ✯

luke had planed his entire life so he always knew what was coming next, but when the girl he's loved for years intervenes suddenly he's never felt more lost.

our lost love - ✯ ❛

Since you'd arrived at camp you and Luke were inseparable. Along the way you both found yourselves seeing each other in a different light, but before either of you can say anything, your assigned a quest...

copyright 2021 heizenka, all rights reserved. I do not allow my creations to be published of translated anywhere else so please do not repost.

loved your prompts 🖤

what about a blurb mixing 8 and 18 from the romance angst list (#1) with Steve Harrington? maybe best friends to lovers or enemies to lovers?

ugh, the queen herself !!!!! i haven’t written for SO long for any joe character’s and it makes me :( sad. i miss him very much. and u know me so well — ANGST requests. prompt 8; ‘“don’t you dare do this to me - no! no, no, no! hey, please!”’ prompt 18; ‘hands trembling while holding their pale, bloodied face. “keep your eyes open, for gods sake!”’

steve’s breathing is labored and he can’t see through the tears that make his eyes burn. when he blinks, he feels them slip down his cheeks.

his hands, caked with blood and dirt, hold your face. you’re too young. you’re too young. you’re too young.

he’s scared and you’re too young to die.

he cradles you to his chest and you think, maybe, you wouldn’t mind dying if steve stays with you. the thought scares you and surely, if your weak heart wasn’t, well, weak, it’d be beating so hard other could hear.

he’s pushing back your hair from your eyes. “hey…hey, honey,” he whispers. he’s always soft when he speaks to you. all smooth. “you…keep your eyes open, for gods sake!”

he watches as you try to widen them, but you just can’t. “it’s…everything’s spinning, steve,” your hand lifts and grips his wrist the best you can. “don’t let go of me, please. please don’t let go.”

he lets out a small sob as he slips his free hand under your shoulder so your more comfortable. “i won’t let you go. i promise. helps on the way. you just gotta hold on, okay?”

you open your mouth to speak but nothing comes out. you don’t blink and your eyes remain glossy. a tear slips out of the corner of your eye and down your temple and gets lost somewhere in your hair.

steve tilts his head and says your name.

“don’t…no, no, please…” his voice wavers. “don’t you dare do this to me… no… no! nonono, please!” he doesn’t realize how loud he’s being. the others are watching from the corner, not knowing if they should approach steve. dustin shares a worried look with hopper.

his arm leaves from under your shoulders, his other hand gripping your face as he shakes it back and forth slightly. he’s screaming your name now as your hand drops from his wrist.

a broken sob leaves his chest as he pulls you closer as your head tilts back in his arms and your arm becomes folded against your chest.

his forehead leans against your chin.

“i’m sorry…im so sorry.”

⚘ Steve Harrington x f!reader

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

— content warnings: potential spoilers, Y/N being a bit of a bitch, no happy ending, mentions of toxic relationship, use of the word slut, bullying

— word count: 4.1k

School was my least favorite place to be at the moment. Ever since me and Billy Hargrove broke up, everything seemed to go by slower than usual.

I now missed how during lessons Billy would always find a way to leave his class and visit me in mine, whether it be just standing in the doorway, or telling the teacher that I was needed somewhere else.

I just wanted to know when our relationship started to turn bitter, when our conversations would always turn into fights, and our dates would end in one of us leaving the other.

I glanced at the door, hoping that he would be there, that there was a chance for us to make things right with each other.

Hope sparked in my chest when I met a pair of brown eyes in the doorway, he came back! A small smile formed on my lips but quickly fell into a frown after seeing who it was.

Steve Harrington

He stood by the door awkwardly, a small smile pulled up on his face as he looked at me. My brows furrowed, why would he be here? I looked around trying to see if he were here for someone else in the class.

Ah, of course. My eyes now looked at the back of Nancy Wheeler's head. He was here for her.

A slight chuckle escaped my lips, I felt bad for the lovesick boy. It was clear as day that he was still in love with her, and that he never fully grasped the fact that they were no longer together.

I looked back at Steve, only to find that his eyes were still on me? My eyebrows pulled together, 'why are you here?' I mouthed to him, hoping he could understand what I was asking.

He looked confused for a second before replying 'I need to talk to you.'

I contemplated what he said for a moment, should I even bother? I looked at Nancy, who sat in front of me, wondering if it had something to do with her.

I was thinking of saying no, but my curiosity got the best of me, 'okay.' his brows lifted a little before he gave me a small thumbs up and left.

After what seemed like forever the bell rang, luckily it was my lunch period now, so I wouldn't have to make an excuse for the teacher as to why I would have missed class.

I packed all my notes and papers in my bag before I zipped it up and swung it over one shoulder. I made my way through the maze of students and desks till I was finally out of the door.

I looked around for Steve but he was nowhere to be found, and the only problem was; he didn't give me a place to meet him.

I looked around once more, until I shrugged and started to walk to the lunch room. but before I got the chance I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I looked over my shoulder, the first thing I saw were his light brown curls and usual denim jacket. I wanted to ask him what happened to us, I had so many questions for him. But I decided against it, knowing I probably wouldn't like the answer.

"So, you though Harrington would be the best way to get over me." A smirk played on his lips, but his eyes showed otherwise, they looked filled with... regret? Or even anger?

I swallowed, "what do you mean Billy? I barely even talk to him."

He inhaled a sharp breath before speaking once more, "then why was he outside of your class? Why was he doing exactly what I used to do?"

I pulled my eyebrows together, looking down. I didn't know what to say, I could try to tell him that we weren't doing anything, but I knew that he would think I'm lying.

"Hey-" His hand grabbed my chin and made me look at him, his touch was soft, gentle. "Look at me when I talk to you." His voice was just as comforting as his touch.

I felt like melting, "Billy, it wasn't at all what it looked like. He just said he wanted to talk after class." I looked away once more, my chest hurt, I just wanted things to go back to the way they were. I didn't want Steve- I wanted him. I wanted him back

We both stayed quiet for a while, the only sounds came from the students surrounding us in the hallway, reminding me that we weren't alone. I looked up, but this time I didn't look at Billy I looked at the students around us.

Many people looked at us as they passed, suddenly making me feel like all eyes were on us. I quickly took a step away from Billy, not wanting people to look at us any longer.

For a second it felt like Billy's heart had been shot with an arrow, an arrow that they'd shot. The only reason he saw Steve standing outside of your classroom was because he was there to do the same thing, he was hoping that he could pull you out of class like he used to do, and finally talk to you.

Billy wanted you back. And if Steve was going to be in his way, then he needed to know.

"Sorry, but I've gotta go." You walked away from Billy before he got the chance to reply. He turned around, watching you leave, just as he had the day he decided to break things off with you.

When I walked away from Billy I didn't know what to do. I knew that he wanted me to stay away from Steve (even though he hadn't actually said it) but I wanted to know what Steve wanted to talk to me about.

I decided on walking down to the cafeteria to get a drink before my next class, as I walked down the staircase I saw Steve leaning against the wall at the bottom.

Steve looked up once he heard someone coming down the stairs, hoping it was Y/N. And to his surprise it was.

"I was wondering if you would actually show up." He scratched the back of his neck, not knowing how to start the conversation.

"I ran into an old friend in the hall, we talked for a bit." Y/N's answer was short and blunt, only making this more difficult for Steve.

"Cool, cool. So, uh- I have a favor to ask you?" He said, he was obviously nervous about what he was asking for.

"you have a favor to ask? Or you have a favor to ask." I was messing with him. He was silent for a moment, trying to understand what she just said, "look I'm just messing with you. What do you need?"

He let out a breathy laugh before deciding to finally get to the point, "So before I start I just wanna say that you can say no to this, I get it if you think it's weird-" He was rambling, so I decided to try and hurry him up, "just get to the point."

"Will you go out with me?"

I froze. Wasn't he just dating Nancy? Doesn't he know I just recently broke up with Billy?

I must've clearly looked confused and concerned because Steve spoke up once more, "I mean like, fake date? I get that it sounds weird, but it would benefit both of us."

"How exactly would this help either of us" I was incredibly skeptical of this idea, he must have had some sort of ulterior motive, right?

"Well I know you and Billy broke up a while ago, and me and Nance recently did to. So I was thinking we could act like we got together and try to make them jealous." I only blinked in response.

"Wouldn't this only make things worse? I mean Billy hates you, so he would only hate me for getting with you because he knows that I know that he hates you. You know?" Now I was the one rambling, but it was only because I didn't quite know how to respond to him, he wasn't joking when he said this was a weird favor.

"I mean there's only one way to find out." He simply shrugged his shoulders to my question.

I was about to answer, but a student suddenly came charging down the staircase. I moved out of he way, "excuse you!" I shouted after the boy.

"Maybe we should talk about this after school so we have less, interruptions." Steve suggested, I was silent for a moment wondering if this was a good idea.

"Alright, but we're going somewhere where we won't be seen by people from school, okay?"

He smiled as he spoke, "deal."

The chilly wind nipped at my face as I walked towards the empty park, we'd both agreed that this was a good spot to talk considering it was the middle of winter and no one would want to be outside in the cold.

I looked around for a bench that I could sit on while I waited, but I spotted something better, the swing-set. I smiled before I walked over a took a seat on one of the swings, the metal chains holding the swing were cold to the touch as I held on and gently swung back and fourth.

"Having fun?" I looked towards the voice, it was Steve.

"Yeah, didn't you know winter is the best time to come to the playground, because then you don't have to wait." I grinned at the boy. He smiled in response.

"Well, we should get down to business." He spoke as he took a seat on the swing next to mine.

"First off if were going to do this, I need you to agree to one thing."

"Sure, what is it?"

"This ends the second one of us says so, it doesn't matter if it worked or not, if either of us want an out then it over." I spoke, giving him no room to argue.

"Alright, anything else?" He asked.

"That's all for me, do you have anything?"

"Nope, if that's it then I think we're ready to start the mission." He smiled, did he really not have anything to add?

"Okay, but we need to make it believable, we can't just announce we're dating it'll seem too out of the blue."

"Right, well what if we go somewhere where we'll be seen together, then we can let the rumors and such take it from there?" That wasn't a half bad plan, but the only downside was the risk of the wrong idea being spread.

But whats life without a little risk?

"Okay, and how about you give me rides to and from school?" I suggested, knowing this one would mainly benefit me.

"Why? Because you don't have a personal driver anymore?" He was talking about Billy.

"Yup. You cool with that?"

"Works for me."

It became quiet, but it wasn't a weird quiet, it was comfortable. The only sounds surrounding us were the squeaking on the swing chains and the birds in the trees.

Maybe I could get used to this.

"So, what's our story gonna be?" Steve asked before he took a sip of his coffee.

After our meet up in the park we decided it was a good idea to start ass soon as possible, so we came to one of the more popular cafe's in Hawkins.

"What do you mean 'story'?"

"I mean, how did we start talking? Who asked who out, you know, the basics." He stated as if he was used to this.

"Uh, I don't know. How about you decide since you seem to be familiar with this kind of stuff." I joked, Steve stiffened.

A small chuckle left my lips at his nervousness.

"Well how about this; after Nance broke up with me, you saw that I wasn't handling it too well and decided to help me through it, considering you were in a similar situation recently with Billy. One thing led to another, I asked you out, and we start dating." He made that entire story up surprisingly fast, especially considering I out him on the spot.

"Wow, have you been thinking out this for a while?" I laughed at the brunette.

He smiled, "Well it's better to be prepared than risk getting caught," I almost didn't catch what he was saying because I was looking at his smile. It was such a genuine smile, it had caught me off guard.

I stared at him for a moment before catching myself, I couldn't be doing this, I wanted Billy, and Steve wanted Nancy. We could never work, especially if we were in a real relationship.

"Well Harrington, we'll stick to your story, and see where everything goes from there." I gave him a small smile, "I have to go, I gotta catch up on some work for Chemistry."

"Oh, why don't I drive you home." He quickly stood up.

"I'd like that, especially considering it'd be a 4 mile walk to my house."

I grabbed my bag and opened it up, digging for my wallet to pay for the bill. But just as I had found it, Steve was walking up to the register with a 10$ bill in hand.

"Steve-," I started but was interrupted when the woman took his money, simply handing him the change and receipt once she was done.

I stood still for a moment before putting my wallet back in the bag, and walked over to stand by Steve, "You know you didn't have to pay right?"

"Well it's the right thing to do considering you are my girlfriend." He grinned at me before holding the glass door open for me, I rolled my eyes before walking out to the car.

He stuck the key in the car door, unlocking his door than mine. I quickly opened the door, wanting to get out of the cold as soon as possible.

"What's your address?" Steve asked me as he buckled his seat belt and re-adjusted his rear view mirror.

"436 Cornwallis Street." Steve stopped what he was doing and looked at me, "what?" I simply asked, as I buckled my seat belt.

"No way, we live on the same street? And I never noticed you?" He asked, clearly shocked by the new information.

"Yeah?" I furrowed my eyes, it's not like this was a big deal.

"What a small world." He mumbled to himself as he started the car.

The drive was quiet, the one sound was the soft roar of the car engine, and the car radio.

BEEP BEEP BEEP

I groaned, as I slowly opened my eyes to turn my alarm off and get ready for the long day ahead of me.

I first ventured to the bathroom, brushing my teeth and hair before I returned to my room and picked out a pair of jeans and a warm sweater.

"Y/N, there's a boy here for you!" My mother shouted from the kitchen.

A boy? who would bet here this early in the-. I stopped my thought before I could finish. Steve. Of course, how could I forget the deal that I made with his this fast.

I grabbed the backpack and swung it over one shoulder as I walked down the stairs. I was greeted with my mom sitting at the kitchen table chatting with Steve over a cup of coffee.

I coughed, grabbing their attention.

Steve looked over and smiled as he set his coffee on the table, "Hey babe, you look good today."

My body tensed up as he wrapped an arm around my shoulder, he must've noticed this because he turned it into a quick hug rather than holding onto to me for a while.

"Thanks."

Steve furrowed his eyebrows, confused as to why she was acting like this when just yesterday everything seemed fine.

"Y/N, are you going to introduce me to this young man?" My mother asked, leaving me no room to say no.

"This is Steve, my boyfriend." She gave us a bright smile.

"How come I'm only hearing about him now? Oh I have a few questions." I cut he off before she could ask of of them.

"Well we have to get to school, I'll see you later?"

"Sorry hun, I have a late shift, but I'll see you tomorrow," she hugged me and kissed my forehead, "I love you hun, be safe."

I nudged Steve's arm and started to walk out of the door, not waiting to see if he was behind me.

"Hey are you okay? He asked me as he unlocked his door, then mine.

I opened the car door and got in, "Yeah I'm fine. But we should get going before we're late." I added in, hoping to change the topic

"Y/N, what's up with you? You were fine with this yesterday, now your acting all freaked out." He ignored my comment, continuing to push fro an answer.

I sighed, "Steve, we're not actually together so you don't need to know every detail in my life, okay?"

His face fell as he looked at me, I swear I saw hurt flash in his eyes for a moment, but just as soon as it came, it was gone. I turned my head towards the window, hoping that he would finally give up.

He did.

The rest of the car ride was quiet, this time it was am awkward quiet unlike last time at the park.

When finally got to school Steve parked in his usual spot, but neither of us made any attempt to get out of the car.

"So, are you sure you wanna actually do this?" Steve asked, genuinely wondering if she had decided to back out of their deal.

"Yeah, Let's just make sure it's believable, especially for Billy, he has a sense of knowing when I'm lying." I cracked a small smile hoping to lighten the conversation.

He smiled back, "Of course." but something was off, his eyes told a different story, but I decided it was best to just leave it alone.

2 WEEKS LATER - HAWKINS HIGH SCHOOL

As we walked though the hallways, Steve's arm around my shoulders, I heard whispers of our names. But there was only one person that I cared about at the moment, and I was looking right at him.

Billy.

He was leaning against the lockers, talking to Tommy and Carol. I've never particularly liked either of them because for the way they treated others, including their friends.

Their conversation suddenly stopped when Carol's eyes found mine and a big grin pulled onto her face.

"Well well Y/N, you seem to be the only person people have been talking about recently, well, you and Steve." Her voice was loud as she spoke, attracting the attentions of students in the hallway.

"Carol, stop." My voice was low, I truly didn't want to deal with her at the moment, especially when Billy was less then 5 feet away.

"Why?" She taunted me, but then she saw where I was looking, "Oh, well about that."

"Carol-" Steve attempted to get her to stop, but it was useless considering they only seemed to worship Billy now.

"Still not over Billy Y/N? Oh, who am I kidding, you probably don't care, especially with you being the slut you are."

"Carol, what the hell is wrong with you-" Steve started defending me but his voice was drowned out by the students who now surrounding us and whispering to each other.

My body felt cold, what am I supposed to do in this situation? Run? Fight? Or maybe, just stay quiet and walk away.

I looked at Billy, hoping to find an answer, hoping he would help me find a way out.

He had remained in the same spot that he was in when we first walked in, but his fists were clenched, and his jaw looked tight. I just wanted him to come over and pull me into his arms, to hold me tight and hide me from the world.

I was pulled back to a semblance of reality by Steve, he had one hand on my shoulder as he stood in front of me. His face was so close to mine as he spoke to me in a soft voice.

"Hey, let's go. The longer you stay here the worse it gets, trust me." His eyes held sadness, I wasn't sure if it was for me or himself though.

I let him gently guide me through the hallways, and thousands of thoughts were running through my head as Steve held on to my arm and looked for a place where we could get away from the people around us.

I was snapped back in to reality by someone lightly shaking my shoulder. Looking over, I saw Steve, "Are you okay..?" He seemed nervous when he asked the question.

We were in an empty classroom. The teacher must've had lunch this period.

"I'm fine, though I'm a little aggravated because you 'little plan', isn't working. If anything it's making things worse." I was angry.

I was angry at Steve, Carol, Tommy, hell even Billy.

None of this would be happening if he would have just talked to me, but instead of trying to fix us, he destroyed us.

Steve brows furrowed, "You can't pin all of this on me. You agreed to this too." He pointed at me, making sure he point would get through.

"Right, of course. God forbid that the great king Steve does anything wrong." I scoffed and looked away from the boy.

"We're not talking about me. We're talking about you because I can tell that there's something going one, you just need to talk to me." His voice was filled with what seemed like... desperation?

"Of course there's something wrong Steve! I lost the only person that ever gave a fuck about me, and now I have to pretend I'm in love with you to get him back! But it's only making things worse, and I'm never going to get him back." My voice had turned in to sobs the more I talked.

Tears slowly fell down my face at the thought of Billy. I missed the way his arms felt like home, or the way he brought color to my dull world.

Steve's heart broke a little as he watched the girl in front of him fall apart. All he wanted to do was pull her in to his arms, make all of her pain go away. But he knew there was only one person who could help her, and that wasn't him.

For now he would have to watch and hope that as time went on she would forget Billy, and start to look at him. She would see that he was waiting for her with open arms, and he would go to any lengths for her.

But until the time came he'd wait for her, no matter how long it may take.

"Y/N, he's not the only person that cares about you." His voice was gentle, soothing almost.

"He is. So don't talk about me as if you know anything about me, because before this week we never even spoke to each other." I wiped my eyes as I spoke.

He didn't reply, he merely looked down at his feet. I felt bad for him now that I thought about what I've said to him. Even though this was strictly a deal meant to benefit the both of us, he still looked out for me.

Neither of us spoke.

"I think... maybe... it's time for us to end this." Steve's eyes shot up to meet mine.

"Hold on- Y/N think about what you're saying right now." His voice was rushed, as if he thought that if he didn't talk now, then he wouldn't have another chance to.

"I'm sorry Steve, this just isn't working. It's only making things worse between me and Billy, and I haven't seen you talk to Nancy in weeks."

Yeah, but-" He tried to defend his case, but I interrupted him before he got the chance.

"I said no Steve." I looked at him one last time before walking out the the classroom.

copyright 2021 heizenka, all rights reserved. I do not allow my creations to be published of translated anywhere else so please do not repost.

You're my future, past and present

» Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader » Word count: 6,4k » Warnings: spoiler mentioned for 9x23 Angels / 9x24 Demons, Spencer's POV, exes to lovers, set after s15, anxious!Spencer, reader feels guilty at one point, language? (one 'bitch' from reader to reader), mentions of past fights, minor misunderstandings, random old lady plays cupid <3, fluff, kissing, how many phrases for being in love can one pack in two paragraphs? me: yes., » A/N: my brain is on strike for finishing bingo fics for some reason, it instead gave us this so yay!, i'm still working on those of course but i can't tell when i will get the next one done (in the words of one Penelope Garcia: Why do the last 10% always take the longest?), hopefully by the end of the week; it's lightly implied that reader can get pregnant in the beginning but it's not explicitly said (only mentions of kids), which is the reason i tagged it as fem but no mentions of anything body related or any pronouns (i think so, please let me know if i missed pronouns), so it might as well can be read as gn; no body description --- pls take a look here for more info about my reader descriptions in general

⚶ masterlist ⚶

He should have asked Penelope for a favour to look you up, before he came here. He had no idea how your life had changed in all these years he hadn't seen you or if you even wanted to see him again. It didn't particularly sound like it the last time he saw you.

You could be happily married with kids for all he knew. The thought alone almost made him turn around without even knocking on your door. He didn't know what he would do if this was the case. Or maybe you didn't even live here any more, you could have moved; to the other side of the city, to another state. Another country. You had toyed with the idea to move to Scotland back then, it very well could be that you had acted on it.

Too much time had past, five whole years – five years, three months, twenty-one days and eleven hours, forty-two minutes to be exact; but who was counting, right? – and there was too much history, too much heartbreak. Too many reasons why it hadn't worked out.

The main – and kind of only – ones being his job at the BAU and everything that came with it. The travelling and never being home, not even a free day or annual leave really meant not getting called in, the late nights, the worries that he could get hurt and may not be coming back home, the worries when he got hurt.

You had your reasons to break it off and he still thought that you were right to do so. He never held it against you, never resented you for leaving. Because he understood. If the roles would have been reversed, he may would have made the same decisions.

This whole idea was stupid. Why was he even here. He should just leave.

What did he think would happen when you saw him? That showing up out of nowhere – with no contact since the break up, not even a single text message – and having a 'new' job would change everything and would make you jump back into his arms in an instant like nothing happened? Yeah... Sure...

Maybe, deep down and in the tiniest crack of his heart, he didn't even want you to open the door; didn't want to see your reaction to him just showing up and the inevitable rejection that would surely come. He was sabotaging himself, really. And if he would be more honest to himself, he'd knew that. Maybe he did, but just didn't want to see it.

Spencer had been pacing back and forth in front of your door for an eternity by now; walking closer to it and already lifting his hand to knock, but changing his mind before his fingers even came close and he was walking a few feet away to leave, only to change his mind again and repeat the whole ordeal. Over. And over. And over.

He just couldn't make his mind up, he didn't know what to do. It shouldn't be this hard to knock on a door. Especially yours. But maybe it was this hard for him because it was yours.

At one point, he, a man of science, even asked the universe to give him a sign, to show him what he should do; if he should do it or if he should go.

That's when it happened.

Right after, as he was walking closer to the door again, he tripped over his own damn feet and he ended up kicking the door with his shoe; not hard, but audible enough.

Shit. Not the sign he was looking for. A pedestrian screaming something outside that he could twist into an answer, a car honking when he either was close to the door or walking away; hell, even a spam mail popping up on his phone that had a certain word in the subject line... No, it had to be this way.

Now he had to knock.

Taking a shaky breath, he hit his knuckles against the wood a couple of times and started fidgeting with his fingers as soon as he had lowered his hands. His heart was in his throat as he waited anxiously. His mind in a constant battle of 'please be home' and 'please don't be home'.

A moment later – both too short and too long at the same time – the door opened just a crack and it was really you standing there. Not some random person that would tell him you moved. You.

You didn't turn your head just yet, looking back over your shoulder instead, you held out your arm behind you and said “Stay there” in a soft voice to someone behind you. When you turned you blocked the entrance with your body and kept your left hand on the door.

Your eyes grew wide when you saw him. Spencer probably was about the last person you would have expected to see when you opened the door. He couldn't bring himself to break the silence first, didn't dare to speak.

“Oh, hey... Uh-”, you stammered looking for words, blinking in confusion. For a moment you opened and closed your mouth, and he knew you were hating that you looked like a fish out of the water, before you gave up and just settled for another “Hi.”

“Hi.” He hated how shaky his voice sounded. He cleared his throat and averted his eyes for a moment, looking down at his hands and the floor before he met your gaze again.

“Wow, it- it's been a while.”

“Yeah...”

“How long 's it been? Five years?”

“Five years, three months and twenty-one days.” Spencer pressed his lips together before he could blurt out the hours and minutes as well.

You laughed – not mean, but endearing – and the sound combined with the smile that spread on your lips made his heart leap. “Right.”

God, how much he had missed your laugh; how much he had missed you. Now that you stood before him, it became evident, that all the longing and yearning he had felt in the past years had been nothing more than a fraction of what he was really feeling; repressed by throwing himself into work and keeping his mind off you as much as he could.

His love for you never went away, never dulled even the slightest bit, and seeing you now was almost too overwhelming for him, his feelings for you crashing over him, nearly sweeping him off his feet.

“Uhm, I was just about to go to the park with Cleo”, you started, shooting a look over your shoulder and Spencer's heart dropped. He could have sworn it stopped beating for a few seconds as well. The Stay there hadn't rung any alarms in his mind, it could have been said to any person really. Going to the park with Cleo however...

He really should have asked Penelope to look you up before he came. You had a kid.

And since he could only see the heel of your left hand and not your fingers, he couldn't be a hundred percent sure, but there was a high chance there was a ring on your finger.

“Oh, I'm sorry to hold you up. I'll just, uhm-”, he stammered choked up and pointed his thumbs over his shoulder, taking a step back, about to turn away and leave.

“No”, you exclaimed, maybe a bit too quickly and panicked, as you held out your right hand like you wanted to reach for his arm; even making a small step out of the door. “You don't have to leave. You could- uh, you could come with us? If you want to.” If he wouldn't know better, he'd say there was a pleading look in your eyes, begging him to say yes and stay.

His mouth opened, but no words came out, no matter how hard he tried. He didn't even know what he wanted to say.

'Yes sure, let's go to the park with your daughter and rip my heart into pieces seeing and hearing about you living the life I dreamt of having with you, with another man'.

A plain 'No.' would be too rude, wouldn't it? Even if he would add a 'thank you' at the end, it didn't feel right.

“She uh- she likes meeting new people, she's really open; sometimes I'm afraid she'll walk off with anyone. Come here, girl.” You looked over your shoulder again and tapped your flat hand against your thigh a couple of times, then some clicking and scratching could be heard behind you on the parquet floor.

The speckled snout of an Australian Shepherd pushed in the space between your knee and the door, then tried to push through further after seeing Spencer. With a laugh you took a hold of the collar and held the dog back from running out.

“Cleo, stay.” You squatted down next to her, petting her head and scratched behind her ear. ”I have to warn you, she can be a bit rough when she gets excited.” A wide smile was on your face as you looked up at Spencer. “I've been trying to teach her to not jump up on everyone she meets, but it doesn't stick.”

Just like that, he felt like he could breathe again. Cleo wasn't your daughter but your dog and the ring you were indeed wearing on your left hand was one he recognized from your jewellery box.

A relieved chuckle left his lips and he mirrored your position. He held out his hand for Cleo to smell before he touched her. She really was excited; she was pulling against your hold and tried to get closer, her tail was waggling so hard her whole body moved in the rhythm and she nudged her nose against his palm hard after a short sniff, so he would pet her.

You did your best to hold her back, but after Spencer verbally said hi to her and was petting her on both sides of her head she surged forward; your hand slipped from the collar and Cleo threw her whole weight against him, making him loose balance and topple over.

With an outstretched arm he held himself up, laughing, as your dog rubbed her head against his torso and hand and was spinning around a couple of times between his legs, repeatedly leaning herself into him with every turn.

“Cleo!” Your voice had a warning tone to it that hadn't fully replaced your laugh though, not until she let out a small bark and started to lick over his face. “No! Stop!” You pulled her away and moved her back into the apartment; Cleo only reluctantly complied.

Before he could react, you shuffled closer on your knees until you kneeled right before him and in between his legs. You reached out and started to wipe the side of his face clean; the sleeve of your sweater pulled over your fingers. “I'm so sorry, she's usually not that excited. I have never seen her do this to someone that isn't me.”

He froze when you got close and he felt your touch, every soft stroke leaving behind a trail of fire, even with the thin fabric barrier between you. One would think his heart couldn't pound any faster in his chest than it already had since he had laid eyes on you again, but it did.

“It's- hu, it's okay”, he stammered as he was watching you intensely, with wide eyes.

“No, it's not”, you said softly and took his chin between your thumb and index finger, slightly tilting his head to the side as you tried to get everything off. “Do you want a wet wipe or something? You can come in and wash your face if you'd prefer that.”

Spencer couldn't help the smile stretching on his lips, his heart warming over the fact that you were still looking out for him, after all these years; after everything that had happened and all the things that had been said the day you broke up with him. His hand moved on its own accord and he wrapped his hand around your wrist, stopping you. “Really, it's okay.”

You met his gaze, heat rising in your cheeks and it was like you only now realized how close the both of you were sitting and that you were touching him. For a second you froze, your eyes wide. Then, after a deep breath, you pulled back to bring some distance between you and cleared your throat, looking away.

He could tell there was an apology forming on your tongue, but you swallowed it down. You began to nervously fidget with the hem of your sleeve and cleared your throat. “So, uh, do you want to come with us? There is this coffee shop on the way that opened about six months ago and they're really good, we- we could grab a coffee and catch up...?”

“I'd really like that.”

It was easy, talking to you. The initial awkwardness and anxiety he had been feeling had quickly faded and the both of you were talking as freely and open as before, like no time had passed; and he was incredibly grateful for it. Neither of you had been going to personal topics for now though – the closest thing to personal in a deeper sense was when you asked about his mom –, the both of you had been talking more about everything and anything.

[..] Did you end up getting that book collection you had your eyes on? - When did you get Cleo? - Oh, do you remember my coworker Grace? All the rumours really were true! - Is your neighbour still vacuuming solely in the middle of the night? [..]

About halfway to the park you stopped at the café you had mentioned and while you were waiting in line, you told him about the different coffee varieties they offered; the flavours, how strong they were, how sweet, the seasonal ones. You had drunk your way through the list three times and until you decided on your Top 5.

He crinkled his nose in adoration as he was listening to you rambling about the coffee – what you liked about each one and why you didn't like another – totally engrossed by you; you had done this in the past as well and it made Spencer happy that you still were. It was adorable. He wondered, if you still wrote down your Top 5's in that little notebook you had always kept in your purse.

The one you recommended to him was really good, you had met his taste precisely; the perfect amount of sweetness just how he liked it, and with a hint of vanilla and cinnamon.

There were many occasions he was about to reach for your hand, it was almost instinctually when you were this close to him. He didn't know if you would let him, if you would want it. So Spencer didn't. Instead he buried his hand deep into the pocket of his coat to keep himself from reaching for you, holding a tight grip on an old pack of gum he forgot was even in there.

Throughout the whole way from your apartment to the park, Cleo was happily dancing around you, just shy of making one of you trip over her. That she didn't circle around the both of you to wrap the leash around your legs – all '101-Dalmatians'-like – was all.

After you arrived at the park you walked a bit further in until you came to a fenced area that seemed to be reserved for dogs for them to freely run around without having to be leashed. As soon as you unhooked the leash from Cleo's collar she dashed forward, joining a group of dogs playing.

Spencer and you sat down on a bench and just sat in comfortable silence for a moment, watching her. His hands got clammy as he got nervous because of the proximity, and he tried to wipe them on his pants as discreetly as he could. You were sitting so close to him, your thighs and shoulders were almost touching; he could feel the warmth radiating from your body and with every soft breeze the smell of your shampoo got carried over.

“So, uh... How have you been?”, you asked after a few minutes.

He huffed out a small laugh and licked over his lips. Where should he even begin. “Long story short? Not good then somewhat okay, bad, worse, better, okay.”

"Sounds like one hell of a roller coaster."

Oh you had no idea how much. And 'hell' sounded about right to be honest. "You could say that... How about you?"

"Wasn't much going on for me to be honest. I've been... okay? After some time at least...”, you admitted nervously, following Cleo with your eyes. “Everything alright at the BAU? How is everyone?”

“Good, they're good.” Spencer started telling you about all the changes within the team, but he left out all the bad stuff for now – he told you about Alex leaving, about Tara joining after practically a 36 hour long job interview for the open position, JJ and Will having a second child, that Morgan left and had married Savanah and that they had a son as well, Garcia vehemently trying – but ultimately failing – to hate the newbie Luke.

“Rossi got married last year.”

“Really? Again?” You let out a soft laugh.

“He re-married his third wife actually. They got back together after-” He had to stop for a second and swallowed hard as the spark of hope was reigniting in his chest. If Dave and Krystall had found their way back to each other after thirty years and made it work, five years didn't sound all that bad in retrospective. He tried to play it off like he was trying to remember the exact number of years. “Around three decades, I think.”

“Wow... That's a lot of time..”

“It is.” For a short moment Spencer didn't say anything more, trying to muster up the courage to tell you he left the team as well.

“And I- uh” He huffed out a small laugh, nervous, and let his gaze wander over the meadow. There he goes... “I'm not- I'm not with the BAU any more, actually.”

“...Oh”

For a moment you didn't say anything else and his heart beat faster. He couldn't a hundred percent gauge what your silence meant. What the oh meant. Did you care? Were you relieved or maybe even sad for him? Could – would – it change anything between you, even after all this time? Would you give the both of you a second chance? Him?

Hope started to rise up again in his chest and he tried to stop it and keep it at bay, so it wouldn't take over him; it would only crush him even more to lose you a second time if he'd let it happen. Spencer's breathing became more shallow and slightly faster as he waited for you to say more.

He could just turn his head to look at your face of course, study your expressions to get his answer without you saying another word. He didn't. Something held him back; maybe it was only because he was respecting your wishes from years ago not to profile you. Maybe it was fear of what he would see.

He heard you clear your throat and when you spoke, your voice was shaking, almost undetectable however. If you wouldn't sit so close to him – and if it wouldn't be you and he wouldn't be him – one probably wouldn't have noticed. “Why not?”

“Re-assignment due to budget-cuts or something like that. There were a couple of people higher up the food chain than Emily that had it out for us for a couple of years now.” His eyes followed Cleo sprinting over the grass, chasing and playing with the other dogs.

“Emily is back?”, you asked. The last thing you knew was that she had left for London not long after she came back from the dead.

“Yeah, she took over from Hotch after-” He stopped himself.

Telling you about Hotch and Scratch and why Emily fully became Unit Chief of the BAU, meant he had to tell you about everything else; everything that had happened to him. He just wasn't ready for this yet. This would have to be a story for another day; for both your and his sake.

“Anyway, I uh- I'm teaching now. Full-time. Mostly at the academy and some colleges here and there. But all in all-” Spencer took a deep breath. “Fixed work hours and no travelling for longer than a day.”

Only when he felt you tense up did he bring himself to look at you. You were sitting up with a straight back, eyebrows furrowed, lips slightly pursed. Your eyes were darting around and he watched a muscle twitch on your jaw.

He quickly looked away again, concentrating on Cleo again, before he could read you more. He couldn't help it, it was hard not to and turn it off. By now profiling was in his blood, it was a subconscious habit he couldn't always control, it just happened. You didn't want to get profiled, so he did what he could do to not use his profession on you. If it meant turning away and not look at you, even if he was only looking just to see you, he'd do it.

Also, he knew that he was biased; another reason why he shouldn't. What he would see and read would not be accurate. Usually, this was not a problem, he could read body language and micro-expressions with a 99,42% accuracy, since he'd do it with a neutral stand. But right now it was personal.

What ever Spencer would see in your non-verbal communication, he was too involved to not let his judgement get clouded by his feelings for you, his hopes and his fears. He would only see what he wanted to see, or what he not wanted to see, depending on which part of his heart was winning at the moment; the confident and hopeful part, or the insecure and anxious part.

“That's... That's nice. Do you like it?” He wished, he knew what you were thinking right now. Your tone didn't give much away on how you were feeling, but you seemed a bit more relaxed to him.

“Yeah, it's fun. There are some key topics on the curriculum I have to cover of course, but other than that I have pretty much full reign over the subject matters. Learning is more fun when it is about something you're really interested in, so I take suggestions from my students for a lot of the lectures. It's been paying off already.” He smiled proudly. “They contribute more and most grades have gone up.”

Slowly, the longer you talked as the evening proceeded and the sun slowly began to set, he let himself go, allowed his heart to open up and he welcomed the prospect of having you back in his life – to what ever extent it may be, even if only as a friend if that was what you wanted.

His heart had leaped when you shared you weren't seeing anyone and it hadn't slowed down it's pace ever since. Both of you had been talking and asking about it in the most complicated and conspicuously inconspicuous ways one can ask 'are you dating someone?'.

Not only this, but you wanted to spent more time with him. Spencer couldn't believe his luck. It was almost too good to be true and he feared he might wake up from this wonderful dream any minute.

He could tell how nervous you were when you asked him; hands and voice shaking, fingers fidgeting with Cleos leash in your lap, your eyes not daring to meet his.

"Tonight is this big bonfire at the Benson's farm, you know, the one with the apple orchard? I was thinking of going and.. maybe if you- I mean, if you are free tonight and want, uh- Would you like to go with me?"

There was nothing he'd rather do, nowhere he'd rather be.

After a short stop at your apartment to bring Cleo home and for the both of you to freshen up, you made your way to the farm. It was a fairly short drive and the roads were mostly empty as it got later, a bright full moon illuminating the way now.

When you arrived, there weren't too many people present. It felt more like a large family gathering than a big event. At a decent distance were benches placed around the huge bonfire, there was a tent where various beverages and a few food options were served. Next to it stood a truck from the fire department and an ambulance; a precaution if the fire got out of control or someone got hurt.

The air smelled of smoke and burning wood, french fries, beer and Mrs. Benson's home made apple pie.

Sorry, Mr. Benson's apple pie as Spencer learned some time after you arrived. You introduced him to the hosts and you started to talk about a new recipe for the pie filling you had tried to make and Mr. Benson explained what he would have done different than the recipe you found had stated.

The Benson's were nice people – he had met them once when he had accompanied you to the farm to get apples and honey. You had gotten closer to them since then, dropping by to help them out from time to time, especially when it was time for the harvest.

He had to catch his breath as his heart fluttered, his eyes glued to your face as he watched you talk with old man Benson. The way your eyes wrinkled at the corners when you smiled and the excited glint in your eyes, how the fire painted beautiful orange patterns on your face as the flames danced high, fuelled by the soft breeze; combined with the silvery light of the full moon shining bright. You looked ethereal.

Spencer became increasingly aware of said man's wife and her three friends, who stood a little farther away. The women were whispering to each other and kept looking over, one of them not so subtlety pointing at the both of you. They weren't talking badly, not at all; they were smiling and giggling as they were talking, nodding at what the other ones were saying, swooning with their hands over their hearts from time to time.

It could only mean one thing – and he wasn't sure if he should be embarrassed about it, or not: that he all too obviously for everyone around looked as love struck as he felt; utterly bewitched by your beauty, completely head over heels, truly madly and deeply in love with you in every way, a total goner who was worshipping the ground you were walking on.

Thank god for the warm shine of the fire, or they would be able to see the blush rising up his neck in this moment as well... He just was glad that he had finished his piece of pie before this, otherwise he'd probably stand here with an open mouth and the fork frozen in mid air as he was looking at you. Now, that would have been a good picture.

What he didn't know though, was that they weren't just talking about the smitten look on his face, but yours as well. The longing glances you shot his way whenever he wasn't looking, how you were orbiting around him like the earth around the sun, a magnetic pull to each other that not even the both of you seemed to realise you had as you unconsciously stepped closer to the other when you stood too far apart. They talked about the fact, that you looked at Spencer with such a happy and beaming smile they hadn't seen on your face in a long time.

And that they could tell how hesitant and shy the both of you were about getting closer.

It's not like he didn't want to, believe me. The urge to hold your hand or wrap his arms around you – to kiss you – was still burning in every fibre of his body and it got more and more challenging to hold back, the longer he was around you. Leaving out the tiny part in him that was still afraid of getting rejected, he didn't want to impose on you by acting on it. He didn't want to possibly make you uncomfortable, so he left it to you to initiate any physical contact.

Admittedly, this was very much a bad plan if you were doing the same and were waiting for him to make the first move. However, the universe seemed to take matters in its own hands again.

Spencer had to remove himself from of the situation for a moment to restore some of his composure and not ogle you non-stop; especially not in front of all these people. He let you know that he would get the both of you something to drink and asked what he should get for you; when he came back, Mr. Benson had left.

For some time you stayed close to the fire, until he saw you lift your hand to fan yourself some air. “Too warm?”

You let out a small laugh and smiled at him. “Yeah, it starts getting a bit too much.”

He took the now empty cup from you and with a tilt of his head he signalled you to follow him. He gave the cups back to the person behind the make-shift bar counter and you walked a little farther away, putting some distance between you and both the tent and the fire. And the people too actually, the majority had gathered close around the flames in small groups.

“That's much better”, you sighed. “I like a nice fire as much as the next pers- oh.”

Before you could finish, you lost your balance when a body collided with yours from behind. You stumbled forward and Spencer instinctively reached out to catch you – he got a hold of your arms with a firm grip on them right above your elbows as you fell into him, bringing up your own hands to hold onto his shoulders.

“Oh, dear, I am so sorry, I must have tripped over something. Are you okay?”, the voice of a woman came from behind you.

Neither of you let go of the other as you turned to face her. Spencer recognized her as one of the women that had talked with Mrs. Benson earlier and the look on her face told a whole different story than her words; that she wasn't sorry at all and that it had been deliberately planned to bump into you.

“I'm okay, no worries. Are you?”, you asked her and quickly scanned her for injuries.

“Ooh, I'm good. I'm good...”, she replied, almost in a sing-sang kind of tone and a wide smile on her lips. She snickered softly and walked away, her hand raised with a lazy kind of flick in her wrist as a wave good-bye.

The both of you watched her walk away, baffled.

“Okayyy”, you let out as you kept your eyes on her for a moment longer. “As long as she didn't twist her ankle or something.”

You turned your head, and just like earlier in front of your apartment, it seemed like you only just now realised the position you were in when your eyes met his. How close you were and that you were still holding on to each other.

Only this time, you didn't pull away.

The world around him seemed to fade away, time standing still, as he held your gaze. Your breath hitched and when his eyes flickered down to your lips, Spencer felt your grip on him tighten, subconsciously pulling him closer to you. His heart was in his throat and it beat so loud that he was sure you were able to hear it. He let his eyes wander back up and when he saw that you were looking at his lips as well, he threw all caution in the wind and just... did it.

He let go of your elbows, took your face in his hands and leaned in, hovering his lips over yours for a short moment to give you an out, to give you time to pull away, but you didn't; instead you closed the small space that was left between you.

A long and deep sigh rumbled in the back of his throat when your lips met and he pulled you closer; as you leaned into him, your hands moved higher until your fingers were tangled in his hair, slightly tugging on it.

When you pulled back – more than reluctantly, but the both of you were still in public – , you were panting, your breaths mingling as your faces were still so close to each other. Spencer kept his eyes closed for a moment longer, not quiet ready to open them yet, afraid that when he did, he would wake up from an incredibly vivid dream.

“I'm sorry”, you suddenly choked out, which made him open his eyes in an instant. Tears were streaming down your face and you took a step back, keeping him at arms length. “I am so sorry, Spencer.”

“Hey, what's wrong? Talk to me, please.” Your emotions had changed so suddenly, he didn't know what happened, what made you cry. He wasn't sure what he should do, how he could help you calm down.

“I'm sorry”, you repeated, shaking your head.

“What for?” Did you regret letting him get close to you again; kissing him? Did you regret, that you hadn't just closed the door right in his face as soon as you had seen him this afternoon?

“Everything!” you choked out. “For how I acted all the time and for leaving like that, for leaving when I did. That I didn't contact you even once. For saying all those things, it wasn't fair. It never was. You didn't deserve it. I was so mean for no reason...” You sniffled and wiped the back of your hand under your nose. “I regretted every word the moment I said it, I didn't mean any of it. I couldn't stop talking and it was like I was losing control over myself and it all just came out and-....”

“Hey, I know...” Spencer took a small step closer to you. “In that moment it hurt, yes. And it took a lot of time until it stopped hurting; sometimes it still does. But I get it. You were scared. Some people get angry and lash out at the people around them when they are scared, especially directed at the person they are scared for; everyone reacts different. It's a totally normal reaction, I don't blame you.“

A sob came over your lips, your face twisting in pain. “Please don't be like that...”

His brows furrowed, a short and sharp pain in his chest. “Like what?”, he breathed out.

“So understanding... I acted like a total bitch to you! You should hate me... Why don't you hate me?” Your voice broke and got smaller with every word.

The corners of his mouth slightly raised to the whisper of a smile and Spencer closed the distance between you, lifting his hands to cup your cheeks. He wholeheartedly meant what he said next; there was not one thing he could think of that would change anything about it.

“I could never hate you.”

“You were shot. You needed me and left you alone and-”

“I've had worse. Before that day in Texas and certainly after”, he trailed off and softly shook his head when your brows furrowed even more, pain and fear so evidently in your eyes; he could tell that you knew he wasn't talking about anything related to the break-up.

“It's okay, I'm okay.” Spencer brushed your tears away, holding your face so gently in his hands as if you'd break into a million pieces if he wasn't careful enough. By the looks of it, you may very well would. Not a risk he was willing to take.

You opened your mouth to say something, but he stopped you from asking what had happened after, by placing his thumb over your lips. “Not tonight.” Gently, he brushed his thumb over your bottom lip to the corner of your mouth. “We'll talk about it all and I will tell you everything, I promise. Just.. not tonight, okay?”

He wanted to stay in that little bubble you had created a little longer and ignore everything else but the feeling of having you back in his arms, being able to kiss and hug and touch you again, he just wanted to revel in your presence and your love. Everything else could wait; the guilt, the talking it out, the pain and especially all the bad stuff he had held back.

You pulled him closer by the collar of his jacket until there was no room left between you. For a second you fought with yourself, your eyes darting back and forth between his like you were looking for something in his gaze before you acted on what you wanted to do. Then-

“I love you.”

Before he could say, think or do anything else, Spencer dove down and pressed his lips against yours, smiling widely into the kiss. His heart was racing and he felt like a huge burden had fallen from his shoulders that he didn't even know he had been carrying. When he pulled back he rested his forehead against yours, his eyes closed. “I love you.”

He couldn't hold back his own soft laugh when he heard you giggle happily before you said: “I can't believe you still want me...”

“It's you. It's always been you and it always will be you.”

seven minutes in… heaven?

k.bakugo

♰ nsfw/suggestive, third year bakugo x f!reader, dry humping..? both characters are drunk but fully consent!

evanescence blasts through your phone as you do the final finishing details of your makeup, your cutting the crease of your liner while jirou sat next to you clips some of her hair back with the little music note hair piece you had picked up for her last week. your excited for tonight, it’s been awhile since the whole class of 3A had gotten together like this.

it’s a celebratory party for the end of a month long project you had all been putting all of your time and effort into, so much so to the point that nobody had really spent any time together, so to say that everyone was bubbling with anticipation was an understatement.

well everyone except bakugo of course, according to jirou he had been grumbling all week about this stupid party and how he’s being forced to go by stupid kirishima because of some stupid bet he lost last month. apparently he’d much rather stay in his room all night and pop a couple sleeping pills to ensure he wasn’t involved in the the night at all.

he just hates parties, he doesn’t understand why something so small as finishing a project deserves an entire class get together. he would much rather have a small, controlled hang out with the close group of friends he’d found himself growing fond of over the past few years.

you, of course ignore his complaints because the only word to describe how your feeling right now is ecstatic, it’s no surprise to anyone that you loved a good party and seeing that you had worked extra hard on this particular project you felt as though you owed it to yourself to let a little loose.

after deciding you are completely happy with the way you look and having taken a shot of some pre-drink with jirou, you link the girls arm and leave your dorm, you make your way to the common room arm and arm with the increasingly nervous girl beside you, you whisper a few encouraging words as you continue to lead her to, you can see that people have already started gathering, drinks in hand.

you decide for jirous sake to make a b-line to mina, kaminari and sero who are slumped together on one of the couches around the room.

mina wastes no time pulling you both into a hug “you both look amazing! ah- i can’t im so excited we’re all here tonight!” you can tell she’s already tipsy by the way she slightly stutters and her voice raises at the end of her sentences.

you hug her back just as excitedly, you love mina, she shares your excitement for the little things and you can’t help but feel drawn to her because of that, it’s clear to everyone around you that you two were just made to be friends.

kami gets up next, he throws a lazy arm around jirous shoulder and compliments you both on your outfits of choice, you can’t help but chuckle a little at his behaviour, he’s always been a bit of flirt, especially with jirou, you can’t help but smile at the sight when jirou leans into his hold slightly.

sero, now stood directly in front of you pulls you into tight hug, seros a close friend, if anything probably your closest after mina and jirou and definitely the person your physically closest with. he is your friend and definitely only that, despite the looks that your weirdly physically close relationship gets from your classmates, but the line at least in your head is definitely drawn and you don’t dare cross it.

you mingle for abit, finishing off your first drink and eagerly getting your second, your sat in a circle now with most of your class, some sat on the floor and some sat on furniture, you’ve somehow ended up in a full class discussion despite the buzz that fills the room. your listening to the class debate their most embarrassing moments when a loud but cheery voice drags another loud but not so cheery voice into the room.

“hey everyone! sorry we’re late it seems that bakugo had forgotten about tonight” kirishima grins as bakugo starts mumbling incoherent complaints. “but alas, no worries as i made sure to remind him!” kirishima continues to ignore bakugos clearly sour mood as he pulls the blond to sit across from you and sero, who’s now drunken head is now resting on your shoulder, they would definitely be sat next to you guys but kirishima doesn’t wish to disturb the circle so he takes the only free place.

people exclaim welcomes as you smile at the red head, he sends a smile back and a quick look at sero who seems to be making himself pretty comfortable pressed up against you. bakugo doesn’t even lift his head while he sits down, it’s clear he wishes for this party to be over just as quickly as it can start.

“let’s play a game!” it comes from uraraka in the corner as she leans into the center of the circle to get everyone’s attention. “oh yeah? what do you suppose we play?” midoriya this time, slurring, who’s clearly a little drunker than he should be seeing as your only an hour or so into the get together. denki cheers out in the corner and catches everyone’s attention as he quickly finishes his beer and places it in the middle of the circle. “we’re playing seven minutes in heaven.” a wide smirk on his face as he watches everyone agree, you’d maybe think he’d be suggesting this is a way for him to get some but you disagree, you know kami lives for drama and a game like this is surely to brew some up.

people settle into positions and sero finally raises his head from the crook of your neck, you know he’s a merchant of drama and he seems to agree this some in definitely incoming as he awaits the first spin.

tsu goes first as peer pressured by her friends and lands on uraraka, you see a small blush appear on the brunettes features and you wish them good luck as mina shuts the closet door behind them, your all warily keeping it down a little, making little jabs at one another and chuckle quietly, you hear a giggle from the closest and you all burst into laughter, unable to keep quiet anymore as you let the girls finish their 7 minutes.

your unable to remember who goes next but it was surely insignificant, you can feel the alcohol now at your forgetfulness, you join conversation with your friends and await the next spin as the pair who you now see is momo and shinsou leave the closet calmly, it’s clear to everyone that nothing of interest happened which only proves a suspicion you’ve had about momo for awhile, whatever though it’s not your business.

very suddenly and very much to your surprise mina edges you forward to spin the bottle next, your not really sure why, it’s not like your dying to get some, infact your doing pretty well for yourself so her eagerness for you to spin next is unidentifiable to you but alas you don’t argue and you shift, almost crawling on all floors to reach the bottle and spin it harshly, watching as it continues to go round and round.

when it’s completely slowed down you follow the tip of the bottle and realise it’s pointing directly in front of you, you continue to look up and you lock eyes with a shocked pair of red ones. without thinking you stand up and hold a want out too him to help him up. he looks up at you in only complete shock as he grits out “i’m not fuckin’ doing this shit, didn’t fuckin agree to it” you don’t falter, now used to his attitude “what are you scared bakugo? the great katsuki bakugo scared of seven minutes alone with me?”

he gapes at you, jaw dropped and he falters for a second. maybe he is scared. he contemplates for a second before grabbing your hand and letting you help him up, he follows as you guide him into the closet and shut the door behind you.

he huffs at the proximity between you, he’s always been huge but the past few months you can tell he’s been bulking up even more, if that’s even possible. there’s barely enough space for the two of you, your tits are slightly pushed up against him as your back hugs the wall of the closet.

“we don’t have to do anything” you whisper out, slightly slurred due to your drink intake. “we can just chill in here if you’d rather that.” he doesn’t respond and you take a moment to observe him, his cheeks are flushed, either due to the lack of space between the two of you of the alcohol, it’s probably both.

“well it’s not like you can do anything anyway” he spits out and you give him a puzzled look “what do you mean i can’t do anything? you think m’ allergic to kissing people or something?” he chuckles slightly at that, you feel a little twinge of pride, you’ve always been able to do that, draw small chuckles out of the man in front of you. you’ve been able to lock down on what draws it out of him and being mouthy certainly seems to do the trick.

“na… y’know your with tape arms and stuff dno’ why you even came in here with me, dno’ why you even spinned that bottle” now it’s your turn to chuckle at him, did he seriously believe that you and sero were together? like an actual item? did other people believe that too? you swore up and down you’d made it very clear that was not the case. “me and sero are definitely not together” you giggle slightly as you say it, he doesn’t respond so you continue “he’s a very close friend of mine and i know we’re a little touchy but we’re definitely not seeing each other” his eyes seem to dart up to you as you finish your sentence, the words clearly settling in.

“why do you guys act like that them?” he sounds almost… defected? it’s a tone you can’t quite figure out. “m’ not sure, it just kinda happened one day and became the norm for us i guess” he lets out a slight hum and you settle into silence briefly before he speaks. “so why-” he cuts himself off, cursing quietly before continuing “so why did you come in here with me?” he gets quieter as he continues to speak, he’s nervous. that much is entirely obvious to you even in your drunken state. you look him in the eyes when you answer him this time “well what usually happens when you entire a closet with someone during this game bakugo?” his breath seems to quicken at this and you feel his chest moving faster against your own, quickly reminding you of the contact between you two as you glance down at your tits still pushed against his chest, the sight sets a blush across your cheeks, bakugos eyes seem to follow yours as an even bigger red blush appears across his face.

“i already said before that we don’t have to do anything if you don’t want too, but that doesn’t mean i don’t want too.” you explain it too him calmly, you are not inexperienced, not in the slightest but though his actions it’s telling that bakugo may be- giving you the upper hand.

“no-“ he ushers it out quickly “no- i think- i think i want too” you watch as his blush deepens even more, it’s cute you think, nothing like how he usually is, you quite like him like this.

you take this as an opportunity to lift your hand to the back of his neck, pulling him closer towards you, you stop as his lips are hovering slightly above your own. “you gotta let me know if you want me to stop” he nods quickly and you take that as confirmation, you take a tight grip on his hair and force his lips down to meet your own, he immediately groans at the impact, rushing to place heavy hands on the side of your waist, wasting no time as he pulls you impossibly closer to him.

your forcing your tongue down his throat and he groans again, you immediately feel him already against your thigh and you wonder how long he’s been hard like that. he kisses you like he’s starved, attempting to push himself even closer to you, it appears he’s fighting for dominance until you pull slightly on his hair and he melts into you with another noise bubbling in his throat- a whine almost exhales him and in that moment you decide your pulling a proper whine from him that night, it might be the best thing you’ve ever heard.

far too suddenly for your liking the door swings open, revealing to your entire class the compromising position you and bakugo are in, he nearly screams at the suddenly light shining in his eyes. you make eye connect with mina and her jaw drops. bakugo immediately disconnects with you and you find yourself missing his warmth. your bombarded with questions as bakugo takes your hand in his and rushes you both out the closet, ignoring the pleas from your classmates.

“party’s over for me shitty hair” bakugo shouts at kirishima, not even taking a glance in his direction as he storms you both, still hand in hand past the crowd of your classmates and towards the stairs. “you fuckers have a good time down here or whatever, we’re going up to bed.” he smirks at this, pulling you even faster through the hall.

“have a great night everyone!” you shout as you look back at your friends, they’re mouths gaping in complete shock, you send them a wink as you turn back to bakugo, speeding to catch up with him. happily following him up to his dorm. luckily for you, you’d turned around too quickly to see the defeated look on a certain black haired classmate of yours as he watches you be dragged even further away from him by a boy he knows has shared the same crush he’s had on you since your first year at ua.

AHHHH BAKUGO FIC!!! i’m considering making this a little series because i can’t get seven minutes in heaven with the mha characters out of my head. not proofread yet so if there’s mistakes then there’s mistakes!