Mariposa
Mariposa
“Killua…”
He had been searching for so long… he never thought he’d see the boy made out of moonlight again. It has been a year since East Gorteau…
Some things were different, new… but that striking hair, those deep eyes filled with so much emotion. It was all striking, stunning Killua.
“Palm and the others told me you were alive, but…”
Killua tenses, a large pair of beautiful white and brown wings pinning to his back, the blood dripping on the ground undeniably not crimson.
“Killua, why?”
Panic seizes in Killua’s heart, panic and fear shining in those big blue eyes.
He stumbles back, biting down furiously into his lip with sharp teeth.
Why…? Why?
“Because! Look at me!”
These appendages aren’t human; these legs that resemble a human… aren’t. A hard exoskeleton. These hands with only three fingers sharing that same exoskeleton. The small antennas that protrude from his head, hidden partially by his hair, soft wispy locks.
He balls his hands up, looking down, his frame shaking.
“I didn’t want you to hate me! I-I-I’m the same as that thing that-that killed Kite!”
He didn’t want to see Gon’s features twist into hate and disgust towards him…
He stayed hidden in the shadows, helping behind the scenes.
It was the only way…
A shiver runs down his spine, recalling how cold everything was… that was the last time he saw his blood all around him crimson.
He may not be human anymore. It was the only way. And he… didn’t care. As long as he got to help Gon. Anything for Gon. Killua knew… he knew he’d never be able to be face to face with Gon again…
So why…?
And why isn’t Gon looking at him in horror, rage, there’s a slight furrow to his eyebrows, and something sad, but…
“You are nothing like that.”
Gon steps forward and Killua winces, taking a step back on his injured ankle.
“You are so brave and strong and so, so kind and beautiful…”
Gon takes another step, and another, and Killua is frozen until he is staring into those determined eyes.
“And something I wish I would have realized earlier…”
Gon cups Killua’s cheek, rubbing away a stray tear, wishing to take all of Killua’s pain with it.
Killua’s skin is soft, delicate, like a baby’s.
Killua is delicate…
“You’re so fragile.”
Something he never saw. Killua sheltered tears and sorrow behind a hard gaze or a snappy attitude.
But right now, Gon can see it so clearly in Killua’s eyes, tears brimming up, that sadness and fear, and he wants to tell Killua it’s all okay, he can cry.
“So I’ll protect you this time.”
Because fragile things need to be cradled and held and wrapped in warmth and kept safe.
He tugs his hand away, Killua drawing in a gasp of air.
“You can’t. I’m a monster. More than before.”
Something boils in Gon. It isn’t towards Killua. Sweet Killua. Who was never a monster.
“You’re as beautiful as you’ve always been.”
He should have never let Killua go.
Killua’s always been good at keeping a straight face. A smile. Whatever he needs to be. Even if Killua could shoot lighting from the sky and move mountains, almost like a god, he was delicate.
Gon wishes Killua would just call him stupid, say that he was embarrassing, but there are only conflicting emotions in Killua’s eyes, twisted in his eyebrows that are pushed down, buried deep like his sharp teeth are into his still very pretty pink lips.
Killua shakes his head once, twice, backing away slowly; Gon winces for Killua when he hears a snap.
Killua’s ankles give out before his knees can even buckle.
Gon has no idea if they are actually broken, just sprained, or anything like that. He doesn’t even have time to think, his body moves faster than his brain, and Killua is engulfed in warmth.
Warm. Gon is warm.
Fire burns his eyes and scrapes his throat, his chest heavy, his ears hot.
He forgets the splintering pain, digging his fingers into Gon’s jacket, tears streaming down his face.
“Killua…”
Gon’s touches are assertive and strong but gentle; he’s careful when lifting Killua up, not wanting to hurt him more, or tear his wings, nothing at all.
He holds Killua close to his chest, lowering his nose into Killua’s fluffy nest of hair for a moment.
He still smells like Killua.
He’s the same sweet Killua.
“Killua?”
Killua stirs, blinking back tears and sniffing softly, a cough getting stuck in his chest, as he stares at a few loose strings against Gon’s same old horribly ugly… yet comforting jacket.
He doesn’t wanna go.
He doesn’t-
It’s a whirlwind that feels like it’s ripping him apart; all these thoughts and feelings, and he feels Gon’s thumb rub against the blade of his bony shoulder, holding him closer.
It doesn’t help.
He buries his nose into Gon’s chest until it hurts his nose and his antennas.
“Hey… hey… shhh… it’s okay.”
Stupid.
Stupid!
“Killua?”
He doesn’t dare look, yet…
He takes a peek, and Gon is wearing that same dumb expression he always does of pure resolve.
“We’ll be together forever, okay? And I’ll protect you.”
Stupid. There’s no way that could be true… but…
Just for a while… let him indulge…
Gon’s arms are warm and strong.
And… and he wants to stay.
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