#55 All Of Me (Harry Styles)

#55 All Of Me (Harry Styles)

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HERE IT IS! 

Word count: 4k+

—

Concept: Y/N never was the girl who could make the guy fall for her in first look. She didn’t have the perfect body, or the ideally pretty face. She was beautiful in her own way, and a hard working girl. Nor did she have one of those personalities that would make guys go crazy and chase her. She was just nice, passionate about her own things, and gave her best everywhere she could.

So, it wasn’t strange to understand that Harry Styles didn’t fall for her when they met. She was a friend of one of his friends, and they had just met on one of the trips she had tagged along too. Everyone had nice things to say about her, and she was successful at her work. But, again she wasn’t like those who would make you turn around again, and her charm wasn’t like those girls who’d spark a fire in you.

Plus, Harry had a girlfriend. They were doing fine. A bit of a lull period, but fine. And, Y/N was just a friend who Harry had never noticed like that. Never thought about her after, or was physically/sexually attracted to, she was just a friend.

But, suddenly, this May, she was everywhere. It started with her getting carrot cake to Harry’s hotel in Hong Kong. She was there on the same day, and she had heard Harry was a bit sad. They had spent the night talking, and he had asked her to stay for his concert before she had to head back to L.A.

You see, Y/N was a person who had to slowly be loved. Loving her wasn’t motivated from her surface, but through time spent with her. Time spent with her made Harry realise how utterly wonderful she is, and he could never understand how he looked over her. He persuaded her to come to Japan with him as well. And, Harry realised that falling for Y/N was falling in deep. Falling completely for her, and never wanting to get out. That loving Y/N came from her depth, and once you had loved her, getting out of it was just not possible.

But, Harry had a girlfriend. And Y/N had always been there. 

—

Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. He is here. Get it together, you prepared for this. Of course, he’ll be here, it is his sister’s party. Oh god. What if I’m not able to say anything in front of him? What if I freeze? I’ll be the psycho who froze in front of Harry Styles. Or say something stupid or ridiculous? I’ll be that girl who said some random shit in front of Harry Styles. What if I just smile? Like just smile and nod. Okay, that’ll be creepy if someone does just that to me. Why did Gemma want me to meet him anyway? I’ve avoided this interaction for the longest time and now, oh god.

“Over analysing what you’ll say to him when you come face to face,” Miles came and stood beside me, taking a sip of his whisky which I knew he hated.

“You’re revelling in my misery,” I groaned.

“I mean, it’s time! You know most of his friends for what more than a year now, and you have not met the guy. And, everyone knows he is your favourite so,” He went on.

“This is not helping me at all, Miles. Like zero per cent no help!” I looked at him.

“He has heard about you. I’ve talked about you multiple times, mentioned your crush as well. He laughed, don’t worry,” He nudged, knowing he was ruining it further.

“I’m going away. You suck.”

It was true though. I had actively avoided meeting him. He was one of the common friends of many of my friends, and every meeting where I knew he’d be present was avoided by me. It was going strong for a while actually. Until, I met his sister through a common friend on a project, and now, I was here at the completion of the project. Gemma found out about my love for her brother which was awkward as fuck which she found adorable for no reason I could think of, and vowed to introduce me.

“Oh wait, my party! I’ll introduce you guys then!” She chirped.

“Oh no…” I shook my head. “It’s really not necessary.”

“He is not scary at all,” she laughed. “You’ll actually love him. He is not as spontaneous as me though, you’ll see! It’s crazy you haven’t met him yet, you have many common friends. My party it is!”

“No…”

“Oh yes!”

And, here I was, dreading this meeting because I didn’t want to mess it up. He has been someone I look up to for a long time, and I really didn’t want to put another dynamic to this one-sided relationship. More so because, I will always want something more cause I admired him so much, and found out so much by just hearing our friends talk about him, and I knew it will never play out like that. Less heartbreak if he doesn’t know me altogether.

“Y/N come here,” Susie distracted me for the next 45 minutes talking about the next project in line, and our ideas about where the shoot should take place. I was heavily involved in the conversation so I could escape all thoughts of anything else, which worked for a while, until Gemma excused me from the group, and wrapped her arm around mine, pulling me away.

“Where are we going?” I asked since it was away from the party.

“Come along,” She laughed. We walked into another room, where there were fewer people than the first one.

“Was I in the ‘not close enough people’ room?” I asked.

“Funny. Did I tell you, you look pretty today?” She said, stopping me in my tracks.

“Oh no,  I don’t want to…” I realised why I was being pulled.

“Oh stop it!” She started pulling my hand through people.

“Wait for Gem,” I stopped her, “it feels like I’m using you to meet him, you know.”

She squinted her eyes, and then shook her head, “nice try.”

“It was worth an attempt,” I shrugged.

“C’mon,” She introduced me to her mother first, who complimented my hair and I thanked her. “I think the final project came out so well and I feel like it was completely your creativity which brought it out!” Gemma praised me, and I blushed thanking her. It was nice that my cheeks were already heated because of the praise cause next for meeting him. “Oh, Harry!” She called out, and we turned.

He was in a black coat, a white t-shirt inside with jeans, and that was enough to make my knees wobbly. He smiled big and walked towards up, and I straightened up further. “Hello!” He glanced at me and then his sister and mum. Gemma introduced me, and he turned towards me, shaking my hand. “I’ve heard so much about you and your work from so many people. I’m glad we finally met.” He smiled.

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. I could judge body language, and he was cautious, professional. It was not like a friend meeting a new friend. It was like a celebrity meeting a fan, and that’s what he knew about me. My heart fell, but I was a good actress to not show it. We talked a bit longer, maybe a minute more when Gemma and Anne left us, and then he excused himself to go talk to someone else. I walked out of the room.

At least, I met him.

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#52 - Playing the Intermediary Part 2 (Harry Styles)

Summary:  Where Y/N plays the intermediary in a breakup and is stuck with the ex-boyfriend.

Part 1

“You told him about me?” I yelled on the phone. “Have you lost it? You told me he was mad and obsessive and now you just push him to me!” “What are you talking about? I didn’t do anything. He just asked me who this friend was and that is it. I told him. Look, he won’t trouble you. He just wanted to know just the person who spoke to him on the other side.” “Well, that is not what he asked!” I screamed. “What? What happened?” She questioned. “He wants to me to help him. Help him heal because I was the one who slashed the knife. He made me feel really guilty, Sara.” “Then, don’t feel guilty,” she said. “What? It is not that easy. He is at the same University.” “He won’t see you, and anyway, the man’s good at manipulation, and making people feel like that. He is a master at it, kept me with him for almost four years!” She laughed. She was so happy and ignorant these days. “Why do you speak so badly of him? Like why? He seemed fine to me.” “He is fine…until he is not. Maybe, I just wasn’t the right person for him,” She sighed. “Look, I don’t think he will be much trouble. I really don’t want to talk about him anymore. You know, I am going to date!” And she went on about her life, ignoring my issue with her ex who wanted me to help him. — “You know, I think you should drop it. They are asking too much of you, and it is not worth the stress you are under!” I was trying to sort out an issue of my friend at her workplace. “Right, I think, I’ll do it. Thank you so much for all your help, lovely,” She hugged me and left. “So, is this a charity service you do, or you’re picky?” My spine stiffened as I heard his voice. “Harry Styles,"I smiled, turning around. He was standing, leaning against the counter in a suit. He looked…ravishing. This was strange. I had never had a man affect me like this, and he was a no-go zone. "So, there is a play, ‘A night in Paris” We should go for it,“He said. "I don’t think so, but you should. It has an amazing review!” I smiled and turned around. “I thought you were a helper…” “Look, she wanted to break up with you. She was miserable. I have known her for 7 years and the last three, she has spent cribbing about how sad she is in her relationship. And, don’t tell me that you weren’t sad, either. Your girlfriend didn’t even give you five minutes of her day, and you didn’t find that absolutely insulting!” I yelled. “I did what a friend is supposed to do. I am sorry, you heard me on the phone. I can’t understand how that must have felt. But, you are blaming the wrong person.” I calmed down. He didn’t respond. Just stared at me, with a look I couldn’t decipher. Then, he just turned around and walked away.   — I was sweaty. I was sweaty and my dress stuck to me, making me feel irritated enough to take it off, only I was in public, in a club, dancing my heart out. I took it as a de-stress, and it helped immensely. Exhausted, I walked to the bar where all my friends were, seeing they had met up with new people. I was quite drunk, so when I saw Harry Styles sitting on the counter, smiling both his dimples out, engrossed in the conversation with my friend, I was a little more than turned on. He had that effect on me. It was something I couldn’t explain. And, the act that he was the forbidden fruit for me, made him all the more inviting to sink my teeth in. “Y/N, do you want another drink?"My friend wrapped her arm around me and kissed my forehead. I could see his attention shift to me, and I knew he was taking me in. I secretly hoped he liked what he saw. I didn’t see myself in a comparison with his ex. She was too hot, too pretty,  your perfect next door neighbour girl, while I was just different. I had never been in a relationship, so that could also add to the fact that I had zero sex appeal or if I did, I had no idea how to use it. At all. We were introduced and he just nodded. Didn’t put his hand out to greet me, just one nod, and looked away. I was gutted. I was more than upset, and it showed on my drunk face, "I’ll have another one of these,” I shouted. It was a while after, he spoke to me. I was sitting on the bar stool, gulping my drink, and he was sitting three seats away, in a suit which did things to me and looking all calm and composed. “Don’t you think you should stop?"He said when I was going to order another one. "And you are?” I asked, rolling my eyes. “A 'helper’,” the minute he said that it felt like I sobered up, and I got off my seat. I needed some air, and I walked up to the terrace. I saw him follow me, shutting the door behind us. I went and sat on the chair placed on the edge, and just looked at the city sprawled in front of me. “Why are you here?” I asked. “You know, I am studying here…” He said. “No, why are you here with me?"I asked. "You don’t like me. Why be here with me?” “I can’t wrap my head around you…” “You don’t have to, I have nothing to do with you.” “You broke up with me,” He said, raising his eyebrows. “Have you lost it?” I yelled. “I didn’t break up! Your girlfriend who hates you did! I just passed her message to you!” “No, those weren’t her words. She has never said those words with me. Never. I thought nothing that she can say can hurt me, and you come into the picture and it crushes me. Crush everything that I have, and destroy my relationship!"He yelled back "Are you really not going to consider how she didn’t want you? Like, I mean you are murdering a messenger. Why were you with her?You knew she wanted to break away, didn’t even like you much less love, then why try and hold her down?” “Because that’s what a fucking relationship is! It takes time, it takes effort, it takes one person to hold on, and get over the phase instead of giving things up! It takes commitment, and it takes to lose your ego and give your everything. That is how a relationship is made!” I could see the anger climb up to his eyes, take over his face, as his eyes filled with tears. “When do you know that the person you are investing your heart into is right?” I whispered. “You are no one to ask. You have never been in a love like mine,” he said, looking at me disgusted. “I don’t want to love a love like yours.”

—

PART 3

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#52 - Playing the Intermediary (Harry Styles)

Where Y/N plays the intermediary in a breakup and is stuck with the ex-boyfriend. 

—

“So, it is just this. I don’t know how to do it,” She shook her head. 

“But, you are sure that he loves you?” I asked. 

“That’s the only thing I’m sure about. You know, how it is, it’s just after the death, it’s like he clings to me. And we have been together for three years, I just don’t want to make it a four. God, just make me break up!” She moaned. 

“I feel you’re the first person who wishes to get rid of someone who loves you. Here, nobody loves me and I would love a boyfriend!” I laughed. 

“I wish he cheats on me. Like I don’t see us together. I don’t see any part in the future where our ideologies match, or our interests. It’s like I grew up and he never did!” She went on explaining, “I think, he is just used to me, and then he calls it love. Because I don’t spend more than five minutes talking to him. I hardly respond to his texts and he still doesn’t get the clue. I told him I don’t want to get married until I am 28 while he does, and he still doesn’t get it!“ 

"Why don’t you just break up? Like just lay it out. All clear." 

"You think I haven’t tried? I have done it repeatedly. REPEATEDLY. He doesn’t understand, then starts crying and then, it’s just - you have to help me. Tell him, that I am depressed with him. I can’t deal with this anymore. I can’t marry him. I never will. Our minds don’t match, our nothing matches and I don’t want him. He will be happier with anyone else other than me. Tell him!” She groaned. 

“Alright, I am sending this recording to him." 

"Wait, what? You recorded it?” She played it again, “Yeah, as proof. Poor guy should hurt now than when you make it four years, you know. So, promise he won’t come running after me if I send him this and ask him to lay off?” I asked. 

“I have a feeling, that he won’t believe it. Like he will just be like, you’re joking." 

"Not after, I have spoken to him…” I dialled his number. “Hello? Is this Harry?" 

"Yeah, it’s Harry. Who is this?" 

"Not important. What’s important is that I’m Sara’s friend.”

“What? Is everything alright? Is everything fine? Is she hurt.” My heart broke for him. But, this was good for him. They were both breaking each other. 

“Well, not really. Look, Sara is depressed. And, I have been seeing her for months now. She is not happy. At all. She wants to get rid of you. She doesn’t want you in her life anymore. She doesn’t care for you. Doesn’t see any future with you, and I feel you should stop embarrassing yourself and live your life and let her live hers." 

"What? Who the fuck are you? Give her the phone." 

"No, Harry. I know you are better than this. I know you have been together for a long time, but you have to see she is miserable and if you do truly claim to love her, then you will leave her, cause she doesn’t want you or have any respect left for you. I mean, she made me call you. Made me do it because you don’t even acknowledge her words when she tells you the same. This is toxic. I have sent a voice message. That’s her begging me to tell you. Give it up, Harry. Let her go. You are not worth each other." 

There was pin drop silence on the other side for the next 10 seconds. Long enough, I cut the call. 

“What did he say?” Sara looked at me hopefully. 

“He played the recording according to my notification.” My heart was breaking for him. No one should be hurt like that. But, he did call for it. 

“God, I hope it works,” She groaned and checked her phone. He has sent a ‘why would you do this to me?’. Cause I want to get rid off you, you fucker! I have texted - we are over, to him. Hope it’s final this time!” 

“You really don’t love him, do you?” I asked. 

“Never did. I don’t even know why I was with him. Promise me, don’t ever be in a relationship where you can’t say why are you together. It’s the worst thing.”

—

“It happened!” Sara called cheering the next day. “We are over! You did it! We did it!” She yelled. I was back home since I was just visiting her place. 

“Oh wow, that’s great for you! You are the first I have seen this happy as well!” 

“I am rejoicing my freedom!” 

“Yeah, umm is he alright? He won’t go and hurt himself or anything right? I don’t want to go to prison,” I tried to laugh. 

“No, he is heartbroken. But, he will be fine. I am not the bad person here. You know that right?” She asked, looking for my approval. 

“There is no right or wrong here, Sara. I just hope you don’t regret it.” I smiled. 

“I don’t think, I will. I have wanted it for so long. More than a year, and it feels right. Anyway, got to go, I have a class! Bye baby!” 

I didn’t get relationships. People were just confusing, and this case just confused me so much more. How does love become a noose around your neck, and why do we let it get it to that stage. 

—

It had been a month since that day. Sara was happy, and getting better. She looked much more relaxed than before, and I knew it was because she didn’t have him in her life. She had less stress and she was finally getting into herself. I wondered at times about Harry. How was he dealing with it? Dealing with wholly believing that his love loved him, only to be absolutely shattered in the end by it. 

I thought about him a lot. More than a lot, at times. It felt wrong, but as much as I understood Sara, the more I tried to understand Harry. Why did he lead himself to that stage? And why did he do that to himself and her?

“Hi, can I have a Latte, size medium, please?” I needed a coffee. 

“Sugar?” 

“No, thank you. I am trying to get rid of it!” I laughed. 

I sat down on the side table with my coffee, ready to work, when I felt someone staring at me. I looked up and, I was right. Only I didn’t expect to stare back. He was beautiful. His eyes were so big, and his face looked as if it was carved to perfection. He was frowning though, “Can I help you?” I asked. 

“It’s you.” He whispered.

“Umm, me?” He got up from his table, and came and sat in front of me. I looked around, finding this weird. 

“You’re the one who broke up with me.” 

“Excuse me?” I frowned. 

“I mean, broke up with me for my girlfriend, ex..girlfriend,” he stared, his face not giving any other emotion. His voice sounded so much better in person. Shut up, Y/N. 

“You must have me mistaken?” 

“No, I can’t. I have tried. I can’t forget that voice. I can’t forget your voice. I don’t remember anything hurting me more. And, I think I have seen you in one of Sara’s pictures, I have a good memory.” 

“Fuck.” 

“Yeah, fuck. I’m Harry,” He put his hand forward, and I just looked at it. 

“How are you?” I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me. He pulled his hand back and got comfortable in his seat. 

“How do you think I am?” His voice was so straight, deep and sharp. 

“I don’t know.” 

“You broke my heart, shattered it.” 

“Excuse me, but your girlfriend shattered it.” 

“And, you approved?” He asked, his eyes were watery. 

“I didn’t have the say. It wasn’t about me.” 

“Then, why the fuck were you in it?” He raised his voice, and moved forward as I pushed back. 

“I was asked a favour, and I did it.”

“Were those your words or hers?” 

“Shouldn’t you be over her?” 

“After you humiliated me?” He pointed. 

“I didn’t do anything. You were both doing it to yourself,” I should shut up. At least bite my tongue. 

“I thought I was having a new start, until I heard your voice,” He looked to the window. There was something wrong with him. 

“I would still recommend it,” he looked at me. “This is a great place to have one. It should be easy.” 

“Are you in a relationship?” He asked, and I shook my head. “Ever been?” I shook my head again. “Then, you don’t know what you’re talking about, so stop advising.” He sneered. 

“Right, why are you at this table? I did nothing to you. I have nothing to do with you. I was the intermediary, a mere messenger…” 

“Do you like playing the intermediary in places?” He asked. Why was he so beautiful? Why hadn’t I asked to see his picture before? Sara had put me off him, that I was sure there would have been something rotten about him. He just looked broken to me.. 

“I like helping.” 

He looked at me, then shook his head. “Well, then Y/N - help me.” He said smirking. 

—

PART 2

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#52 Playing the Intermediary Part 3 (Harry Styles)

Sorry for the delay! It’s long so I hope it makes up for the wait! 

MERRY CHRISTMAS! 

SUMMARY:  Where Y/N plays the intermediary in a breakup and is stuck with the ex-boyfriend.

Part 1, Part 2 

—

“I don’t want to love a love like yours.”

“I don’t feel too well,” I said, after a few minutes of silence. “My head’s spinning too fast.” I almost fell on him.

“Okay, okay, here sit down,” Harry made me sit down on the bench.

“No, no I think, I want to go home now,” I stumbled onto him and he caught me.

The next I remember is waking up in my room. I was still in my dress which now had my one boob popping out. I groaned, getting out of my head, noticing the medicine and the glass of water kept on the nightstand.

I hope you feel better.  H.

This was nice of him. Did he bring me back? I walked to the kitchen, stopping when I saw a half-naked man cooking food. I picked up the vase on the side almost as an instinct, as I walked forward.

“Oh hey, you’re up!” He turned around. Harry.

“What are you doing here?” I shouted, and then held my head because of the pain.

“Cooking us breakfast,” He shrugged. I gave him a look. “What? No, thank you? It was some effort carrying you back home. You didn’t expect me to leave and look for a cab at 3 am, did you?”

“Thank you,” I was grateful that I was back home safe.

“You’ve a nice place here,” He complimented and took out two plates.He had made eggs and bacon. He even had the coffee ready. “Did you have your medicine?”

“Yeah, umm, thanks, it belongs to my aunt.”

“This studio? Why does she own studios?” He asked.

“Umm, she had bought it for her daughter, but she, umm she passed away so, she gave it to me since, I was studying here as well. It is difficult to find a place here anyway. I’m fortunate,” I told him. Why did I have to tell him such details?

“You definitely are, it’s a beautiful place, and in the centre. Where do your parents live?” He asked.

“The food looks nice,” I changed the topic. “Thanks for making it.”

I think he got the clue and didn’t push it, “There you go, you have all your supplies ready. It was easy.”

“I like taking care of myself,” I smiled. “Where’s your shirt?” Not that I minded. He was a little too sexy to keep it all covered, and the attraction level for me was at an all-time high. I couldn’t say the same for him.

“Oh, it got wet in the rain. It still is wet.”

I got up and went to a room to take some large sized T-shirt out that I had bought for comfort clothes. “Wear this.”

“Thanks, your boyfriends?”

“I told you, I have never had a boyfriend,” I took a bite of my food. I moaned, “This is so good!” Harry laughed. “So, what did you mean about helping you?” I asked.

“Let it be, I don’t know what I was thinking,” he shook his head.

“No, tell me. You’ve made me feel guilty enough,” I said.

“Don’t you think you should feel that?” His eyes changed. He became so different when he was angry. “You take out the worst in me.” He picked up his plate and started washing it.

“I’m sorry that your heart is broken. But, I really didn’t break it. For the longest time, I knew her, she has never said anything positive about you. Ever. When I first saw you, I kept thinking that there should be something rotten about you which she hated. I still can’t figure it out. But, she detested being with you. I didn’t like seeing her that way, and so I helped her. I thought it was the right thing to do at that time. I thought I was saving both of you…”

“Who are you to save us?” He shouted. I took a step back.

“What do you want me to do now?” I asked, tears falling from my eyes.

“You thought there was something wrong with me? He asked turning around, his hands still clutching the table.

“There had to be, why would you run away from someone who loves you that much?” I thought, “But, maybe it was because you guys didn’t fit. You can now move on, and find your girl!”

“You know, do me a favour and don’t advise me. You cost me a relationship with a girl I wanted to marry. I think I have had enough.” He said, wiping his hands.

“Maybe you should stop blaming me and blame yourself and your girlfriend for having a relationship of hate and disgust. Fine, I am sorry that it was my voice that hurt you, but it was your girlfriend that ended it. It is the girl who you want to marry who danced and rejoiced after she broke your heart,” I took a step towards him with every line. He couldn’t take me as the one at fault. “She constantly cheated on you, started dating other men, almost instantly after she broke up. Said that you were controlling and the worst relationship she has ever had, and worse, Harry. I am sorry if that is the girl you love, but don’t blame me for being a horrible boyfriend that made the love of his life hate him as much as she wished you’d die!” I covered my mouth with my hand instantly. He was not supposed to know this. What have I done?

I saw a tear fall out of his eyes, and my heart shattered into pieces. First, it was this physical calling that I couldn’t get out my mind whenever he was near me, and now this. I instantly wrapped my hands around him and hugged him tightly. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I shouldn’t have said this to him. It was like holding a rock, cause he didn’t move. I apologized profusely, into his chest, told him that I didn’t mean it, this he wasn’t supposed to know. I repeated I’m sorry again and again.

Time passed, and then I felt his hands wrap around me to only push me away. “Don’t.” That was all he said before he collected his things and left.

—-

I didn’t talk to Harry for the next entire month. It was getting hard for me because against all my rational thinking, my heart had developed a crush on him. He was everything I admired about a guy put into one. It was a joke on me. Not being in a relationship ever, and then finally finding someone I admired at every step was horrible, especially when he used to turn around and walk away whenever he saw me.

I was at an art exhibition today. He was studying Media and Management, but he was an artist on the side, and his work was up today. We had common friends, and he had invited them. I paid for my ticket. I tried to look as pretty as I could. I knew his standards were high, and he never saw me. I was a lovesick idiot who hoped against all my beliefs that this would never work out.

Keeping to myself, I looked at the all the artists, slowly making my way to his work. It was a portrait of a girl sleeping. What shocked me was that it looked so much like me from that night, and then not. The dress was similar, and she was half covered with the blanket wrapped around her. I felt invaded, I felt heartbroken because he wasn’t showing any beauty in this. I walked to the next one. It was a girl sitting with a pile of books in what seemed like a cafe. She had my specs, she had my tattoo, she looked like a sick version of me. I saw the third, the last one. It was an image of a girl, looking as if she was getting off, on a log of wood. It was the worst. She was holding a knife that she had plunged into the wood. The work was called “heartless”.

I took a step back. Is this what he thought of me? This was me. It was no doubt. He must have seen my tattoo, and he had clearly used it. If there was any other sign, I would have believed otherwise. He projected the entire hatred he should be feeling for his girlfriend on me. My heart broke into pieces and tears fell down from my eyes. Wrapping my palm around my mouth, and my hand on my stomach, I tried to calm down. I had always been emotional, so connected and this broke me. I turned around and saw him standing in a suit with his hands in his pocket, his face blank, just looking at me. My hands fell down defeated, and I ran away.

—-

I felt sick. I had never had anyone hate me like this before. And, to be hated by the guy I really liked crushed me. Sara didn’t have anything to say. She told me that after I had told her about his work, she contacted him. And he replied with,

Not everything is about you. Anyway, you mean nothing to me.

At this moment, I felt nothing for Sara. She seemed hurt and, it really didn’t matter anymore. I don’t know if it was her being selfish, or him being irrational, but I had had enough, and I needed to step away from this duo. This time it was me who was running away from him in the corridors. I was hanging with a different set of group, trying to at least not take his friends away. My heart was broken, and I didn’t want anything to do with him or his issues.

The time I couldn’t ignore was when our common friend, Matthew threw his birthday party. I tried keeping away most of the time, trying to get drunk and talk to other guys, trying to Chanel some part of myself which could be attractive. I was suddenly, pulled in a game that I didn’t know, and I sat down lost, as the bottle rotated in front of me and it stopping between Harry and I. Everyone cheered, and Harry rolled his eyes. I was confused. What was happening? He crawled on his knees cutting the circle, as my eyes met his. Before I could turn away, his hands held my face and his lips were on mine. I couldn’t react. It was my first kiss. I didn’t want it to happen this way. I didn’t want him to have it. His power on me, made me respond and he put his tongue in as people cheered and shouted. It was then I pushed him away. I knew I looked bewildered, and he looked at me like, “what is the big deal?”

I could cry, I think I was crying. I got up, and walked away, pushing through the crowd as I heard my friends call me. I quickly booked a cab and stood in front of the gate. “Five mins, just five mins,” I whispered to myself.

“What the fuck happened?” I heard his voice, and a chill went down my spine. I turned around, knowing my makeup was all wet. His eyes seemed greener under the lights. I didn’t respond, and I turned around, trying to check how far the cab was now. “You made a scene back there, I deserve to know the issue since I was the one kissing. And, I am definitely not a horrible kisser.” He almost laughed.

“You are not. Is that enough for your ego? You can go now,” I said, trying to control my shivering.

“What’s wrong Y/N?” He asked again, trying to make me turn around. He pulled harshly the second time and, I yelled.

“It was my first kiss, you fucking asshole!”

“What?”

“And, no! I didn’t want it to be in a party, in a game, in front of people treating it as a joke with a guy who thinks I get off at hurting people!”

Harry came forward, “That’s not what I was trying to show-“

“I don’t care. I have never felt so invalid, worthless, and pathetic as you made me feel. You could have just written my name along with it because everyone knows it’s me. Everyone who has seen my tattoo knows that I am a sick human being who hurt you, while your pathetic girlfriend can go scot free. You are just using me because I am here to take your anger! You are screwed up!” I hit his chest, “You win! I get it I am horrible and ugly and pathetic and just wrong, and I don’t have any right to help people because I have never been loved. Not by parents, not by my friends, and it will never be by the guy I liked because he sees me as sick and disgusting. I saw it, and you win! Are you happy to see me as miserable as you?”

“Madame, did you order a cab?” The driver cuts us off, and I turned around.

“Yes, thank you,” I opened the car door, and turned to look at him. He was just staring at me. I shook my head and sat inside, asking the person to drive.

—

Part 4

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