Drunk | Myg

drunk | myg

Summary: You had not seen Yoongi for three weeks after your fight, you start to think that he gave up on you. You seem to be terribly wrong.

this is part four of so it goes: series masterlist

<part three part five>

—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of? they're in love) to lovers, lots of angst!!

—warnings/tags: cursing, alcohol consumption as a coping mechanism, mentions of alcoholism, emotional constipation, introducing taehyung!!! and jimin....👀

—words: 9.5k

a/note: hi friends! I finally decided to sit and finish this chapter after a month of posting ghost of you. I suck at coming up with summaries but give this one a chance!!! A little secret about this chapter is that I cried writing the first part and that I listened to You & I by Shinee while doing it (you can do it too for a better experience). As always, feedback is very appreciated, you are welcome to discuss the chapter in the asks. pd if you want to be in the taglist let me know.

Two years ago

When Yoongi met Dasom he quickly learnt one thing: she was mean, but she was not a regular mean girl, she was worse. 

Dasom was reckless and relentless, her kisses tasted like beer and cigarettes and she could never keep a promise. She liked to dance with guys who weren’t her boyfriend and she loved making people angry, she was one of a kind. But she was funny, and Yoongi liked that. Dasom had the perfect comedic timing and the quickest comebacks, she knew all of Yoongi’s favorite songs, she had the brightest smile and the most bruised heart in the room. She was not kind and she was not sweet, but the world hadn’t been kind or sweet to her either. Somehow she found love in Yoongi’s arms. 

To be in love with Dasom was knowing that she could never stay, but you could never leave. 

The thought of leaving her never crossed Yoongi’s mind, he could never do something like that, but in that moment, standing under the rain at the entrance of some club, he waited for a second, hoping for a voice in his head to finally tell him to run away. He felt in his bones that it was the right decision, but he stayed.

His girlfriend had stopped speaking to him five days ago, but that night she called him at three in the morning, asking him to pick her up from some club downtown because she was too drunk to go home alone. Yoongi didn’t hesitate to do it, but when he stared at the black doors of the club he couldn’t help but feel a little bit stupid. He didn’t even know the reason why she was mad at him this time. 

It wasn’t difficult to find her, it was a small club and it only had three bars inside. He found her sharing drinks with some guy who was probably paying for them. Dasom never spent money on clubs, she said they were too expensive. She pretended she didn’t see him until he was standing right in front of her. 

Dasom darted at him that look, the one she used to give to him when she didn’t want him around. 

“Let’s go home” He announced upon arrival. The guy on her side stared at him confused. Yoongi was wearing a big hoodie and his pajama pants, he would have stayed in his car if she had picked up the phone, but he had to enter looking like that.

“No, you can go back home.” She replied.

“Come on, you asked me to pick you up.” He tried to remind it to her, already feeling it was useless.

“I changed my mind.” She said, “You can leave.”

Yoongi sighed, wisely thinking his words before speaking again “Don’t do this to me right now.” He begged, but she only rolled her eyes. “Who’s going to take you home later?”

“Him!” She pointed to the guy who was awkwardly standing next to her. He seemed uncomfortable, it was visible that he didn’t want to be involved in the discussion they were about to have. Dasom turned to look at him, looking for reassurance in his eyes, and when she didn’t find any she scoffed, she got down from the stool she was sitting and decided to follow her boyfriend to his car. 

“Have fun paying for all of that.” Was the last thing she said before disappearing into the darkness of the club.

Yoongi felt like he was holding his breath all the way to the car. 

He loved the woman who was sitting beside him, but she was different from the person who he fell in love with three years ago. Yoongi was sure that person was deep inside her, he just needed to look for her in a million dark clubs to find her. 

The sound of the rain hitting the windows wasn’t loud enough to drown the uncomfortable silence between them, so he decided to turn the radio on. She stared at him funny, Yoongi hated listening to the radio. 

“Are you still mad at me?” He asked her. 

“Yes, of course.” She replied like it was obvious, it wasn’t. Yoongi didn’t know what he did wrong, he asked her but this time she didn’t bother to make up an excuse. It was always the same fight, she stopped speaking to him until he begged her to know the reason, not once she told him the truth, but Yoongi was patient enough to wait for her to speak to him again. 

“I’m not mad at you.” He felt the need to remind her. 

“Why would you be mad?” Dasom questioned with a cheeky expression on her face.

Yoongi tried to think of an answer as he stared at the empty road ahead of him, ‘because of this’ he wanted to answer, but that was not fair, and he could never tell her that without having to face a tantrum. 

Both of them stayed silent during the rest of the ride and when they arrived at Dasom's apartment, he helped her to get out of the car and climb the stairs to the second floor. He watched his girlfriend take off her shoes and walk towards the bathroom to remove the makeup off her face. 

He leaned against the door of her tiny bathroom and crossed his arms above his chest “I wanted to talk to you about something.” He announced.

“About what?” She slurred without looking at him.

“I don’t want to make this about me, but…” 

“Don’t.” She interrupted him and stared at his reflection through the mirror. Her face was wet, the bags under her eyes were dark from the traces of mascara and she looked tired of him. “Don’t talk to me like I have a problem, you know I don’t.”

“I’m not trying to do that, I just wanted to help you, I always do.” Yoongi hid hands under his arms when they started to shake, somewhere deep in his heart he knew that this wasn’t the best time to have a discussion, but he started to become desperate under her cold gaze. Dasom left the bathroom and walked past him, making him follow her to her room. 

“I don’t want you to.” She said, unzipping her dress until it fell from her body to the floor. “I just wanted to come back home, I don’t need you to analyze me. I want a boyfriend, not a fucking father.”

“I am your boyfriend,” He assured her, “and I love you and I care about you and I can’t allow myself to let you do this everyday. I want you to be fine, but I need to know what’s going on because I don’t understand.” Yoongi rushed to finish the sentence, he felt like time was ticking. He tried to reach for her hands but she took a step back, she had a serious expression and even if she could see the desperation in Yoongi’s eyes, she was not willing to give in, not completely at least. 

“I don’t need you Yoongi.” She spat. “And I thought you knew that. I know what you are doing, I didn’t want to remind you again that I don’t need anyone. I didn’t need my mom, I didn’t need my dad and maybe you think I do but I don’t need the fucking help of Seokjin’s family. I certainly don’t need you telling me all this shit.”

Yoongi’s insides twisted, Dasom could see the surprise in his eyes as he took a step back. She scoffed, thinking she had no time for all of this. A few weeks ago Seokjin and him had a cathartic talk about the complications of their relationship and how worried he was about Dasom’s drinking problem. Later that night his friend sent him a text offering the number of his cousin who was a therapist and a specialist on addictions. Yoongi declined the offering, he knew Dasom would refuse, but he was sure she didn’t know anything about it. 

She didn’t care how hurt he was in that moment, and as she started to put on her pajamas something clicked on Yoongi’s mind, that’s why she stopped speaking to him. 

“Dasom, that was just a text he sent to me, it was something private and…” Yoongi didn’t know what to say, millions of words got stuck in his throat but none of them sounded coherent. 

“It was not private, it was about me.” She raised her voice.

“I know, but he’s your friend too, he was worried.” 

It was hard to imagine his girlfriend going through his phone and reading his texts, she was never jealous of him and Yoongi thought it was clear that he only loved her. Regardless of that, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for talking to Seokjin about her. She looked at him like he was talking shit about her. 

“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Yoongi. I’m fine, and if weren’t fine you wouldn’t be able to fix it, get over it.”

He thought his heart was about to escape from his chest and run away far away from him, but his heart never left, it just broke into a million pieces.

“Wait, listen, I’m sorry, okay? I was upset about all of our fights and I needed to talk to someone, he just wanted to help, but I’m sorry if that made you angry.” 

“Don’t be stupid.” She stopped him. “That didn’t make me angry.”

“Then what was it?” He asked. “Dasom, you seem to be angry all the time these days. I know you and I know you are not telling me the truth, I just want you to stop lying to me, I’m tired of it.”

Dasom darted him a look, it tempted her to say something hurtful again, she wanted to scream that if he was so tired he should leave her alone already, but she hated to be called a liar. Her eyes encountered Yoongi’s shaking hands and then his tired face. She wondered what time he went to bed that night before she called him. 

She wanted to cry, he knew her well indeed. 

“I’m not sure about us anymore.” Unlike before, her voice sounded soft. Expecting him to process her words, she paused for a minute. Dasom stared at Yoongi and realized he was not the man she met three years ago. Shit, he wasn’t even the man from four months ago, his hair was red and his face was rounder, his eyes were swollen and his fingers were damaged because of his habit of biting his nails. 

Yoongi accepted her words and allowed himself to fall sitting on the bed, covering his face with his palms “How are you not sure?” He asked her, not because he wanted to argue but because he wanted to know what went wrong. 

“I don’t know… I just-I’m not. But it’s not your fault.” She assured him. “I’m not sure about anything lately. I haven’t been happy for a while and I don’t know if it’s fair to keep you with me, no one wants to tell me if it’s wrong or right… The only person I know that is wise enough to tell me is you.”

There was something about her words that made Yoongi stay quiet for a few seconds. Dasom was terrible at expressing her feelings, like there was some kind of bug in her code that prevented her from being vulnerable. At the same time she didn’t like lying, so Yoongi knew she was telling the truth despite trying to hide her feelings. 

Yoongi knew he couldn’t make her stay, but he couldn’t leave either. 

“Yoongi?” She called him. “what should I do?” 

“What do you want to do?” He asked her. 

“I want to be alone.” She affirmed. 

“For tonight?” He dared to question. 

Dasom paused and thought about it. 

“No.” She replied, “I think… Until I figure out some things, if that is not too corny. Forever if I can’t.”

He raised his head and didn’t see Dasom, he saw the little girl that she was on that picture with her grandmother when she visited the circus, it was one of the few pictures she had with a member of her family, she used to hide it from Yoongi until she finally decided to show it to him. She didn’t look like the woman she was, she looked unsure like a little girl. 

It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t Dasom’s fault either, but it would be easier to blame someone else than accept that this wasn’t working for them anymore. He wanted to laugh at himself for thinking he could ever find the old Dasom in a million clubs, now he knew he didn’t have to, she was right there in front of him, asking if it was right to leave him or not. 

“There’s no right or wrong decision.” He finally said.

“But.. would you judge me?” Her voice trembled as she stared at him standing in front of the bed.

Yoongi looked defeated, 

“I would never.”

He understood, he always did, there wasn’t space for him in her life anymore and he couldn’t do anything about it. Even if he got down on his knees and begged her not to leave him, he couldn’t make her love him anymore, there was no use of doing that. He was the only man who could ever read her twisted mind, and at that moment he knew it was over, she couldn’t love him.

Dasom took her eyes off him, she struggled to find the right words.

“I don’t think I can fix this.” She said “And I don’t think you can’t either. I’m grateful for you but I don’t love you anymore, I can’t keep telling you otherwise… So I need you to leave, is that okay?”

Yoongi couldn’t allow himself to cry in front of her, somehow he felt cruel doing it. He realized it was time to go. 

“Of course it's okay, Somi.” He used that silly nickname she didn’t like just to annoy her for the last time. “I understand you don’t but… I do love you, will you remember that?”

She nodded repeatedly, “I will remember.” 

When Yoongi met Dasom he quickly learnt one thing: she was mean, but she was not a regular mean girl, she was worse. She was not kind and she was not sweet, but the world hadn’t been kind or sweet to her either. Dasom cried on father’s day because she missed her dad and hated mother’s day because she hated her mom. She didn’t like romantic movies, didn’t like meeting new people, didn’t like the relationship Yoongi had with his family, she ruined the friendship he had with his best friend, but for some reason she made Yoongi happy for a while, until she left him crying at five in the morning as he drove to his house, wishing he could call Jimin, but he knew he wouldn’t pick up. 

He heard a voice in his head that told him that it was okay to leave, he felt it in his bones.

Present

The morning you left Yoongi’s apartment was almost automatic. You took advantage of the fact that Yoongi was a heavy sleeper, you sneaked into his kitchen and stole those ecological bags he used to do groceries and put all your clothes on them. You had barely managed to get into the subway when you realized something; Yoongi had lied, his apartment was nowhere near to your dorm. If it was, you wouldn’t have to go through the torturous experience of crying on public transport during rush hour. 

When you looked around and watched all those people going on with their lives, you wondered if they didn’t notice that it felt like the saddest day of the year. You couldn't help but wish that everyone felt as sad as you.

When you arrived home you closed the door behind you, finding Nayeon having breakfast. It was early and she was free for today, but you were supposed to spend the morning with Yoongi, hence her confused face. 

“You must have had fun last night.” She almost laughed, “Your hair looks terrible.”

It was silly, but that was the last straw before you broke down crying in your living room, you felt like you couldn't hide anymore. Your friend gasped, running towards you thinking she had hurt you with her words. “I was joking!” She said, grabbing your face and making you look into her eyes. Nayeon quickly realized that you had been crying for longer than she thought, she frowned “Wait… You aren’t crying because of your hair, are you?” You shook your head. “Well, you should be.”

To tell your friends that you got your heart broken was nothing but embarrassing.

You sat in front of Jungkook and Nayeon and told all the things Yoongi said and couldn’t help but remember all the times you showed Nayeon a text from Yoongi that left you giggling like a teenager, the memory made you cringe. 

“He is being a dick.” Jungkook said. 

“He is a dick.” Nayeon corrected him. 

You turned off your phone for three days and Jungkook scolded you for not telling him anything, he had to call Nayeon and ask if you were alive. You were alive, but in terrible pain. 

“Am I exaggerating?” You asked your friends as you interrupted the movie for the eighth time that afternoon. They decided to make you company for the day, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Yoongi, couldn’t stop feeling sad. “Like, who cries this much for a guy? I didn’t cry this much with my ex.”

Nayeon shared a look with Jungkook, ignoring the fact that you were sitting in the middle of both of them. 

“You weren’t in love with Dan.” Jungkook stated. The name of your ex boyfriend gave you chills, almost as if Jungkook had named a dead person.

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Who told you that? I loved Dan.”

“Well, not at the end of your relationship, at least.” Nayeon reminisced.

“I cried.” You remembered her. 

“Yes, because your ego was hurt, not because he broke your heart. You didn’t like that he met someone else.”

You opened your mouth to contradict her, but then you closed it. You loved Dan… but not that much, which annoyed you. That was not the kind of love that you wanted, you wanted to love him deeply and him to love you the same way but you were too stubborn to accept that he wasn’t the right person. He realized that faster than you when he met another girl and left you for her, they were still together last time you stalked him on Instagram. 

“At least he took me to meet his mom.” You murmured, sinking on the couch.

“And she hated you.” Jungkook reminded you, making Nayeon scoff. 

“You are not allowed to make fun of me today.” You protested. “You’re supposed to make me feel better.”

Your friends were trying to make you feel better, they cursed Yoongi in every language and told you a million times it wasn’t your fault that you got your heart broken. Yes, maybe Yoongi wasn’t ready for the words girlfriend and relationship, but the way he acted was completely opposite of his words. You were right to be mad at him, but running away seemed like a terrible choice now, you felt like you left something unfinished, even if he hurt you the idea of not seeing him again sounded crazy. 

You wished you didn’t have to go through this, the weight in your chest did not allow you to go on with your day without thinking of the pile of his clothes in your wardrobe and the ten missed calls on your phone. He stopped calling after he realized your phone was off, you wondered if he gave up. 

“I know what you need.” This time, Jungkook interrupted the movie. “You need another guy.”

Both you and Nayeon turned your heads to look at your male friend. “What the fuck, Jungkook?” She sighed heavily, an idea like that could only come out of Jungkook's mouth. 

Jungkook straightened up in his place and smiled proudly, as if a light bulb had been turned on over his little head.  “Don’t look at me like that, I’m being for real!” 

“Of course you are.” You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest. 

“Let me introduce you to… Drum roll, please.” He asked Nayeon. 

“I’m not fucking drum rolling for you.” 

“Taehyung!” He exclaimed, ignoring her.

“The last thing I want to do is to meet another man, much less one of your friends” 

“Listen, I have a plan.” Jungkook stopped you. “You said Yoongi was jealous of Kevin, meaning he’s probably a natural jealous person, so you need to make him jealous.” Your friend explained the plan like it was the most brilliant idea that crossed his mind, needless to say that it wasn’t. Yoongi was a jealous person, but what would that get you? He had already called and you didn’t answer him. 

“And after that?” You asked, not because you were curious but because you wanted him to listen to himself and realize that the idea didn’t make sense.

“He realizes that he loves you and begs for forgiveness.” He concluded. Sometimes Jungkook seemed to live in his own world, too much to realize that the idea utterly annoyed you. Sometimes you needed to remind yourself that despite being your best friend, he was a man first. 

“I don’t want him to realize that he loves me because he saw me with another boy.” You huffed. “I wanted him to realize that he loves me just because he does.”

“Yeah, Jungkook.” Nayeon backed you up “That’s very patriarchal of you.” 

He scoffed. “Well maybe I didn't express myself right. What I wanted to say is… Taehyung is hot.”

“How hot?” Your friend on your right questioned, now a little curious. 

“Like, really hot.” 

“We don't trust your judgment.” You argued. 

“I’ll show you.” Jungkook wasted no time in taking his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and looking for a picture of said friend of his. He showed a selfie of a long haired guy, he was tilting his head, shirtless, only wearing a gold chain. You and Nayeon shared a look. “He’s a friend of Bora.”

He was right, this Taehyung guy was actually pretty hot, the little devil on your left shoulder stood on her tiptoes and whispered in your ear that you should try to make Yoongi jealous with him, for a moment you considered it. Until the rational you slapped you on the face and reminded you of the situation. 

“Look, I’m not saying it’s a bad idea…” You started saying as a tiny smirk tugged from the corners of Jungkook’s lips. “But I don’t think it’s what I want. Yoongi already called but I don’t think he knows what he wants either, I’m pretty sure he just feels guilty. I don’t want guilt or jealousy, I just wanted the truth.”

The smile on Jungkook's face disappeared and the three of you stayed in silence. If Jungkook’s main goal was to get Yoongi to talk to you, he had already done that, but instead of picking up the phone you decided to turn it off and run away from him again.

A part of you knew that you simply weren’t like that, and the other part of you allowed herself to daydream about the situation.

“I get your point, you know?” Nayeon said. “But you’re being too hard on yourself.” You lifted your gaze from your hands and stared at her. “You’ve been trying to convince yourself that he pities you and that he feels guilty but I don’t see it like that. I don’t know Yoongi as much as you do, but I know that what you two had wasn’t just sex like he implied.” 

“Gross.” Jungkook joked, making you giggle.

“Shut up.” She scoffed, “I can’t tell you what you want to hear because I don’t know about that, but I can’t stand here and hear you say how much he pities you either.”

You felt yourself becoming tinier and tinier between your two friends. Now the fear of not being reciprocated was much greater than the longing to be loved that you felt every time you were laying on his bed. How foolish of you to get caught up in his words, it hurt to think that the pain of his past was much stronger than whatever he felt for you. 

“What’s the correct thing to do, then?” You asked, not really expecting an answer from them. 

“Honey, I’ve been trying to be politically correct since you came here crying the other day. You know I’m not, so don’t even think there’s an idea of the correct thing to do in my mind at this moment.” She paused. “It pains me to say this, but Jungkook’s idea sounds a little fun right now.” 

Yoongi put on his headphones for the tenth time that night and ignored another upcoming call from Hoseok. He had finished all his projects with him, so he had no interest in talking with anyone unless it was about work.

He received the notification of the missed call and allowed himself to check the lock screen, there was nothing from you, of course there wasn’t.

The morning after the fight he woke up sore on his couch, hoping to see you still sleeping on his bed. He went to his room but didn’t find you there. It wasn’t a surprise, it was dumb to expect you to still be there after all he said.

Yoongi tried to call you a few times, but it was out of desperation. He didn’t know what to say or how to say sorry to you; his mind was still a mess and instead of finally using his time to think about his situation, he decided to overwork himself and not to think of anything. 

He should be drinking a coffee now, maybe a tea before going to bed. Something happened yesterday and the heating of the entire building was cut off, despite the cold he opened another can of beer and hoped to drink so much that the next morning he could wake up drunk enough to not remember you. 

As he brought the can to his lips, he heard the loud sound of the ring bell, making him jump on the chair. He checked the time on his phone, it was ten pm and he didn’t order any food tonight. Curious, he headed to the kitchen where there was a small screen with a view of the entrance of the building. He saw Namjoon, who somehow could tell that Yoongi was observing him from his kitchen. His friend waved to the camera with a smile. 

“What do you want?” He asked through the communicator. His deep voice startled his friend. 

“To see you!” Namjoon replied loudly. Yoongi had no option but to let him in.

In less than five minutes Namjoon was in Yoongi’s apartment taking his shoes off “It’s freezing here!” Was the first thing he said. 

“I know, the heating was cut off until next week.” Yoongi cared to explain. 

“Don’t you have a heater?” Namjoon asked, confused as he headed to Yoongi’s couch, making himself comfortable. 

Yoongi didn’t have a heater, maybe because he took the heating for granted. 

“Obviously I don’t.” He answered, waiting just long enough to ask his friend what he was doing there without sounding too rude. ‘To see you’ wasn’t a valid reason for Yoongi.

“The richman’s life,” Namjoon laughed as he snuggled on the couch “he doesn’t have a heater.” 

Yoongi joined him sitting next to him, a little annoyed that Namjoon couldn’t notice that he wanted to be alone. “What happened?” Yoongi asked. 

“I don’t know, you tell me.” 

Namjoon looked for Yoongi’s eyes but he avoided his gaze. He wasn’t planning to talk to anyone today, he wasn’t planning on talking to anyone for the rest of the week.

“Nothing happened.” 

Namjoon squinted “Why are you getting drunk by yourself, then?” 

“I’m not drunk.” Yoongi lied. 

“You are drunk.”

“Are you interrogating me?” 

“Maybe… Why didn't you come to the studio for three days?”

“I’m the boss.” Yoongi slurred. 

“That would be very unethical of you.” Namjoon shook his head in disapprovement. “But I know you’re lying. I asked Jungkook to talk to you about a new project and do you know what he said?” 

“I don’t.” Yoongi suppressed a burp.

“He said that he couldn’t talk to you, huh? I thought you two fought, which I found weird. Imagine how surprised I was to find out that you actually fought with your little girlfriend.”

“Who told you that?” Yoongi frowned, getting closer to his friend as the conversation started to interest him.

“Are you not listening? Jungkook!”

“Is Jungkook mad at me?” Yoongi managed to ask. 

“Yeah, I mean… A little, I guess.” 

“That’s not fair.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “He can’t pick a side. He’s my friend too.” 

“Pick a side? Was it that bad?” Namjoon asked. “Come on, tell me what happened.”

Yoongi hesitated for a second, feeling himself getting smaller under Namjoon’s gaze, but due to how drunk he was it was easy for Namjoon to extract all the information he could from him. The hard part was getting Yoongi to finish a whole sentence without tripping over his own words.

It would have been difficult to admit that he was an asshole if he was sober, but as the drunkenness wore off he became more aware of Namjoon’s judging eyes. 

A friend would never judge you, except if you fucked up really bad. 

“Is there a valid reason for why you did that?” Namjoon asked. “Because as your friend, I’m trying really hard to think of one.”

Yoongi closed his eyes and threw his head back, already annoyed, trying to imagine that Namjoon wasn’t there asking him all those questions. “I don’t need you to scold me.”

“I just… I don’t understand!” He laughed “You managed to make a girl like that stay with you and you let her go?”

He opened just one eye to stare at Namjoon. “What do you mean?” He whispered. “Don’t you think I can make a good girl stay?”

“You just pushed her away, Yoongi.” Namjoon reminded him. 

“I wanted it like that.” He argued. 

“Didn’t you just tell me that you called her after she left?” He questioned.

Yoongi wasn’t sober enough to lie properly. “That’s none of your business.”

“I’m your friend, it is my business.”

“Yeah, well-” He tried to argue “It's hard to explain .”

“Bullshit.” Namjoon said “Just try me.”

Yoongi sighed, defeated. He felt like the thought had been rotting his mind for too long now, it prevented him from going on with his day without feeling like something bad was about to happen. There was no use in blaming someone else, he himself had caused the situation. 

But Namjoon made him feel safe, he had been there for Yoongi for so long that sometimes he was afraid he took him for granted. It was easy to tell him the truth, even if he didn’t know if Namjoon would approve. His young friend seemed to be wiser than him sometimes.  

“I had a dream the other night… About Dasom.” Yoongi started saying. Namjoon felt like a ghost passed behind him when he heard that name, his expression suddenly changed. He couldn’t remember when was the last time that Yoongi mentioned his ex girlfriend, he surely didn’t expect to hear her name in this conversation. 

“Yeah? What was the dream about?” He asked, barely hiding his surprise. 

“It was just the memory of the night she left me.” Yoongi explained “No wonder I dreamt of her, I have been thinking about her non stop, about everything that happened during that time. When I remember her my chest hurts and I get really sad. I can’t help but feel guilty, I’ve been a bad friend and to move on without fixing my mistakes feels wrong.”

“You’ve been a bad friend?” Namjoon repeated, not really understanding.

“You know I have” 

Namjoon took a second to think. 

“You are talking about Jimin.” Namjoon realized. Yoongi silently nodded. “That’s a strange way of seeing things, Yoongi.”

“Doesn’t it make sense?” He asked “I ruined my friendship with Jimin because of my relationship with Dasom and for what? She left me, I couldn’t help her. I can almost hear him laughing at me.”

His friend struggled to find the right words, he didn’t have a say when it came to the friendship that Yoongi and Jimin used to share, but he tried. He could see in Yoongi’s eyes that he was lost in the memory of his ex friend, he just wanted to hear something to ease the pain he felt on his chest. 

“I know it still hurts that you fucked things with him. I still think about him too, about what he said and everything. I wish we could have done things differently too, but don’t you think I agree that that’s a good reason for pushing her away.”

“I know it’s not a good reason.” He said “But I haven’t thought of anything else since she left.”

“Mmm… So what you’re saying is that you want to fix things with Jimin and then you can move on with your life?” Namjoon tried to joke, but in Yoongi’s mind it made sense. 

“Jimin didn’t want to see my face ever again.” He reminded Namjoon. “So that’s kind of impossible.” 

It wasn’t in Yoongi’s plans to talk about Jimin today, it was a sensitive topic for him. Talking about him was almost like talking about a dead person, his name stained the room with sadness. 

“The solution is to never be happy again because you lost a friend, then.” 

“Don’t say it like that.” Yoongi whined, throwing his head back on the couch. Namjoon couldn’t help but laugh at him.

“Like what?” He giggled. 

“Like you don’t understand.”

“No, I understand. I remember you hurt Jimin, but I also remember that you were in a terrible place.” He remembered “You weren’t in position to choose between your friend and your girlfriend, you made mistakes and that’s okay. People make mistakes and the world keeps spinning. I think Jimin would understand.”

“Jimin hates me.” Yoongi whined, he couldn’t stand to hear his name one more time.

“Jimin just wanted you to be happy.” He lowered his voice, like he was telling him a secret. Yoongi knew that, but he found out way too late. “And she’s not Dasom.” 

“I know she’s not, but…”

“Yoongi, what is it that you want?” His friend got closer to him and grabbed him by his shoulders, making Yoongi roll his eyes. He wishes it was as easy as wanting something or not.

“I don’t know.” He half lied, half told the truth. 

“You seriously don’t have a clue?”

“I want her.” He confessed. 

“How much?” Namjoon insisted. 

“Badly.”

“Badly? That’s lame” He mocked him.

“I love her.” Yoongi let out. He swore he felt like a weight was lifted off of him, but Namjoon didn’t look surprised like he expected, he knew him too well not to realize that Yoongi was in love. He fooled himself if he thought he was keeping it a secret. “Too much, actually. She’s a good friend to me, not just a lover, she understands me.”

“But?”

“But I don’t know how to make her happy.” Yoongi replied, Namjoon couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his friend was too immersed in his own world to realize that what he was saying made no sense. 

“You are kidding right now.” Namjoon laughed, but Yoongi was not joking at all. 

He knew that happiness was a very short-lived concept, but when he fell in love with you all those months before, he thought that maybe that was wrong. He felt happy all the time when he was with you and when you were gone he hoped and waited to see you again just to feel that again. Was it happiness, was it obsession, was it love? He didn’t have an answer, he didn't need to explain himself when he was with you. 

“Yoongi, that girl adores you.” Namjoon informed him “You are crazy if you think that she is not happy when she’s with you.”

“How do you know that, anyway?” Yoongi tried to sound defensive, like Namjoon didn’t know what he was talking about, but deep down he just needed some kind of confirmation that you weren’t going to be totally miserable like Dasom was next to him. 

“Because I have eyes!” He laughed “She likes being around you, she would have left earlier if she didn’t.”

“It would be different to be in a relationship than what we have now… Or had, I don’t know.”

“It’s literally the same thing. You are starting to annoy me by making all these excuses just because you are afraid.”

Yoongi frowned and glared at his friend, almost angry to hear him. “I am not afraid.” He tried to deny it. 

“You are!” Namjoon shouted, silencing Yoongi “And it’s not bad to be afraid, you know what’s really bad? What you did to her.” 

He stayed there, looking like Namjoon stole the words from his mouth. He was right, Yoongi spended the last days making up excuses, trying to convince himself that he actually wanted to say all of that to you, that he was not pushing you away because he was afraid. 

That wasn’t him, he wasn’t the asshole who told you that he wanted you all for himself and the next week told you that you confused things. He wasn’t the asshole that pretended that he didn’t act like your boyfriend too. He was the person who waited for you with burned food and you were the girl who ate it and didn’t mention that it tasted bad. He was the person who you could trust and you were the person who he could trust.

“You were a great boyfriend to Dasom and you are a good guy. But now you tried so hard not to be an asshole that you ended up being one anyway.”

“Don’t fucking tell me ‘I told you so’.”

“It’s not about telling you that I told you so, Yoongi. It’s about making things right. Stop lying to yourself by saying you wanted her away.”

“So what should I do?” He asked, that night his friend seemed to have all the answers. “I obviously fucked up really bad this time.”

“Give her space, time to think.” Namjoon responded “Keep in mind that you told her the worst thing someone can say to their girlfriend.” It was funny how Namjoon assumed that you were always his girlfriend. “Give yourself some time to think too, apologize. But don’t compulsively call her again, that’s creepy. If you want to fix things, look for her. Come on, Yoongi. I thought you knew more about girls.”

Yoongi had been with more girls than he could count during the last two years and hadn’t learned shit about any of them, except for you. He knew you were kind, sweet and the most intelligent person he knew. You loved romantic movies and said hello to dogs on the street. His brother liked you, his friends loved you and you made him happy. He wanted to believe he could make you happy too, but he made you cry instead. 

“I thought the same thing.” He murmured. 

Namjoon stayed until Yoongi was fully sober and before leaving he asked him to answer Hoseok’s calls, Yoongi promised to do so. He felt grateful that Namjoon laughed at him, it made Yoongi feel like it wasn’t the end of the world. 

After ten years of friendship with Jungkook, just now you realized that trusting him blindly never brought you any luck. You should have known that Jungkook’s plan was going to be terrible, he had arranged a fake double date with Bora ━his girlfriend━ him and Taehyung, and when you asked him how he was going to get Yoongi jealous, he managed to deliver the most absurd answer you’ve ever heard. 

“I’m going to post an Instagram story.” He explained as he drove to Taehyung’s pace. You looked at Bora, who was sitting in the passenger seat, already rolling her eyes. 

“Is that your whole plan?” You asked.

“No, I’m going to post a story and I’m going to tag you and Taehyung.” He concluded, like it made any difference. 

“You are joking.” 

“I am not!” Jungkook defended himself, a smirk appeared on his face as he pictured the situation “Imagine Yoongi’s face when he taps on Tae’s profile and he sees you are on a date with a super hot guy.”

“The last thing Yoongi is going to assume is that I’m on a date.” You argued.

“Yoongi is not going to assume that you’re on a date.” He said “Yoongi is going to see that you’re on a date.”

“I’m not liking this idea.” You already felt sick in your stomach. 

“When Yoongi comes begging at your doorstep you are going to thank me.”

“I hardly doubt that’s going to happen.” Bora said. Even if you thought the same, it made you a little sad to hear it from her. 

As Jungkook got closer to Taehyung’s apartment you daydreamed of what your night could’ve been if you stayed home. It was a cold night, you could have watched a movie and sink in your loneliness since Nayeon was away for the week visiting her family. 

The plan of making Yoongi jealous didn’t sound as fun anymore, maybe the idea comforted you for a moment when you joked about it with your friends, but now the feeling was wearing off. You did not like conflict, it was never like that with Yoongi. Things were calm with him, they were simple. 

You thought that after two weeks of not seeing him things would get better, but they were worse. It made you think that everything he said was actually true, he didn’t call again, he didn’t text, you didn’t see him anymore.

Vaguely, you remembered that earlier Jungkook had told you not to lose hope, it made you giggle in the moment, now you were wondering if it was really worth it.

When you saw the big poster of The Godfather hanging in Taehyung’s living room wall, you tried to suppress the thought. Then, you paid attention to the pink cardigan he was wearing, he lit up a cigarette and offered a glass of wine. You couldn’t help but wonder, wasn’t he a little… pretentious? 

Well, you don't like to judge people at first sight, but you were quick to judge men, especially the ones you had fake dates with. But if you were being honest, all the movie posters in his walls were bothering you, precisely the one of Scar Face that you saw on the way to the bathroom. Later you realized that it wasn’t Taehyung’s fault that you saw Yoongi everywhere.

At least Taehyung was kind enough to pose for the story that Jungkook posted. In the photo you were turning your backs to the camera, observing the framed poster. It was ridiculous and not subtle at all, but Jungkook assured you that it looked like he just wanted to take a picture of the poster and you just happened to be there next to Taehyung. The part where he tagged both of you was unjustifiable. 

On the other hand, you found it funny that The Godfather was one of Yoongi’s favorite movies. 

Now you were in Taehyung’s balcony with him alone, Bora and Jungkook stayed inside since it was colder than an hour ago. You just wanted to be in silence for a minute. 

Taehyung took out the cigarette box from his pocket and extended it to you, you shook your head. “I don’t smoke.” You declined.  

“Good for you.” He responded, lighting up one for himself. “I actually quit months ago but came back to it recently.”

“You can always quit again.” You mentioned. You saw a small cloud coming out of your mouth as you talked. Even if spring was close it was still freezing at night.

“Yeah, I’ll try again when I feel less nervous.” His voice sounded weird when he had the cigarette between his lips. 

“Are you nervous now?” You tried to joke.

“I’m nervous all the time. Especially now after Jungkook posted that, I don’t know how he dragged me into this.”

“What do you mean? You didn’t want to do that?” You asked confused, he turned his head to you and shrugged, a shy smile appearing on his face. 

“I don’t think my girlfr- ex girlfriend would care very much.” He explained, leaving you more confused than before.

“What are you talking about? Jungkook convinced me about that story because he said that someone I like would get jealous.”

“Really?” He frowned, taking another drag of his cigarette. “My girlfriend left me three weeks ago, he told me if I can make her jealous with you she’ll text me. I don’t have much hope now, I thought his plan was smarter than this.”

Jungkook forgot to mention that Taehyung was in a similar situation to you. What a fucker, you thought. You would talk about it later. 

“I thought so too. I had a little bit of hope that it would work out but I don’t think that Yoongi would ever believe it.” You admitted.

“Oh, so you’re Yoongi’s girl.” He recognized you. 

“Do you know him?”

“No.” He said, his cigarette was now half of it. “But I know that he signed Jungkook, he loves him.”

“Yeah, well, he kind of left me too. Jungkook said that I should get him jealous but he’s not like that. He’s not gonna get jealous if he sees me in a picture with a guy, especially if it’s instagram. He doesn’t care about stuff like that.”

“It’s a terrible idea.” Taehyung laughed, he crushed the cigarette in the ashtray and left it there, crossing his arms above his chest. “You and I should think of a better idea to get both Yoongi and my ex girlfriend jealous without Jungkook’s help.”

“We should hang out near Yoongi’s studio.” You proposed it as a joke. 

“Yeah, we should have a fake date in front of Lucy’s apartment, she would totally call me after that, she would fall in love with me again.” Taehyung joked too, but the tone of his voice was sad, you immediately felt a wave of nostalgia washing over you. You looked inside and observed Jungkook and Bora laughing, it was completely opposite of the situation you shared with Taehyung, both of you seemed to be deeply heartbroken. 

“Though the idea sounds very tempting, Yoongi would know if I try to make him jealous, he would probably laugh.”

“Lucy would think I am an idiot.” He said. “If she doesn’t already think I am.”

“This is a sign of the universe, maybe.” You said, sounding like Nayeon. 

“What is the universe telling us, exactly?” Taehyung couldn’t help but laugh, at least he felt accompanied in his sorrow.

“That we should move on.” You explained. “I mean not now, we deserve to cry for a while, mourn the situation. But then we should move on if the other person doesn’t really care.” 

Taehyung thought about it, somehow he believed you, even when you didn’t fully believe in your own words. 

“We should make a pact.” He proposed. “Take the sign first.”

“How?” You questioned, interested in the proposal.  

“Well, we wait for Yoongi or Lucy to see the instagram story, if they don’t text we should move on.”

“After mourning the situation.” You remarked.

“After mourning the situation.” Taehyung repeated.

“Deal.” You extended your hand and offered it to him. “He hasn’t called in two weeks, I don’t think he will.”

“Deal.” Taehyung took your hands and shook it. “But if we regret this, we should do the fake date instead”

You laughed, agreeing right away. In his eyes you could see that even if you shook hands, it didn’t mean anything for either of you. You wished that letting go of Yoongi was as easy as that.

After two hours you came back home with a new friend, who promised to let you know if his ex texted him, and if she didn’t too. You promised to tell him if Yoongi called, already knowing that he won’t. 

Your apartment was empty, dark and cold. You turned on the heating and the lights before making yourself a tea and preparing for bed. You had never been so happy to get under the sheets like that night. 

You saw the story that Jungkook posted, you told yourself it wasn’t that ridiculous, maybe it will bother Yoongi, but you cursed your friend for not coming up with a more intelligent idea, and cursed yourself for still thinking about it. You fell asleep thinking nothing else could interrupt the next nine hours you were planning to sleep. You were wrong. 

The sound of your phone vibrating incessantly in your nightstand woke you up at two in the morning. You grabbed it in your hands and with barely open eyes you saw a chain of texts from different people and two missed calls. 

[jkjk]: Yoongi saw the story earlier lolololololol

[jkjk]: FINGERS CROSSED. 

[jkjk]: manifesting. 

…

[Yoongo]: wos teahjying

[Yoongo]: !

[Yoongo]: ? 

[Yoongo]: im

[Yoongo]: otsid

[Yoongo]: here

[Yoongo]: 🦿

You jumped out of your bed when you read Yoongi’s name in your phone, running towards your closest window to check if Yoongi’s car was outside. Your heavy eyes scanned the dark street, but there wasn’t a soul outside, and especially not Yoongi’s car. 

A shiver ran down your spine when you heard the sound of the doorbell. You didn't like loud sounds when you were alone at night, and this was the sound of the front doorbell, not the one downstairs. 

[Baby]: Is that you?

“It’s me!” You heard Yoongi’s deep voice behind the door two seconds after you sent the message. Your heart started beating loud against your ribcage, suddenly your legs felt weaker. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked, managing to sound upset. 

“I wanted… to talk.” He replied “About my heating!”

You pressed yourself against the door, trying to hear him correctly without opening it. “Your heating?” You continued to question.

“My heating!” He reaffirmed. “It was cut off… three weeks ago. I don't have anywherrre to stay.” His slurred voice hinted to you that he was drunk, hence the way he wrote those texts.

You opened the door before realizing that it would be a mistake. You weren’t ready to see Yoongi yet, or hear him or have him close. You weren’t ready to see him at your doorstep in his pajamas, wearing a big hoodie and flip flops. The only things on his hands were his phone and the copy of keys you gave him two months ago. 

“How the hell did you get here?” 

“A taxi, duh.” He slurred, leaning against the door frame.

“Well, you know you can’t be here. You shouldn't have come in the first place.” 

You dried your sweaty hands on your pajama shorts, you were worried that he could notice how nervous you were. Your whole body felt hot and there was not a single coherent thought in your mind right now. You hated how vulnerable he made you feel, so nervous and unsure.

“Why?” He questioned, crossing his arms above his chest. “Because you are with Taehyung?”

You felt like your heart dropped in the pit of your stomach in one second. You took a step back, but he took a step forward, staring at you like his eyes were daggers. 

“Taehyung?” You repeated, giggling nervously. 

“Taehyung!” He shouted. Again, you didn’t like loud sounds at night. You grabbed his arm and pushed him inside, afraid that one of your neighbors might wake up. 

“Don’t scream!” You scolded him. “It’s two in the morning, you should be at your house. I don’t want you here.”

Yoongi ignored you, he looked around your apartment trying to find any trace of another man. He closed the door behind him and started walking towards your room. “Why?” He kept shouting “Because Taehyung is here?

You followed him, gripping his arm tightly and turning him around. The smell of alcohol on his breath hit your face centimeters away from it, you didn’t like to be that close to him. You felt a need to push him away, to call a taxi and send him back home, but you stood there in the hallway and stared at him like it didn’t hurt you.

“Taehyung is not here.” You spat “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Wh- What am I talking about? I saw Jungkook’s instagram.” He explained. His gaze was soft unlike yours, you were looking at him angry, explicitly stating that you didn't want him there. Even drunk he could tell how angry you were. He looked sleepy and his eyes were glassy. He tried hard not to look at you like that conversation was normal, like he didn’t break your heart, but he failed. 

“I need you to leave.” You insisted, but he ignored you again.

“What should I do?” He wondered to himself “I have… been thinking s-since you left. Do you want me to…?” You saw him trying to find balance. Confused, you frowned when you realized that he was trying to beg for your forgiveness but he was struggling to get down on his knees. You suppressed a laugh and tried to stop him. 

“Stop!” You exclaimed, gripping his wrist once again and pulling him back up. 

He fought to free himself from your hands and in the middle of the attempt he fell to the floor, bringing you down alongside him. 

“You are being irrational.” You said, fighting to keep your voice steady, but the emotions were leaking from your words. Yoongi scoffed.

“Am I?” He questioned. 

“Yes. And you’re being cruel.” Yoongi looked up and encountered your eyes filled with tears. “You can’t do this to me, not after what you said to me.”

He lifted his hand and tried to reach for your face, but you pushed it away. 

“I got desperate.”  He tried to explain, but you shook your head.

“You will regret this when you wake up.”

“But it’s still winter.” He managed to say. 

“Yoongi…” You warned, but he kept ignoring you. 

“It’s still winter and I miss you.”

“I don’t want to listen to you.” You interrupted him. 

“Maybe in summer it was hot and I didn’t notice it but now it’s cold and I don’t have you to keep me warm.”

You felt your heart clenching, it was like he crushed it with his own hands and returned it to you expecting you wouldn’t say anything. You hated that Yoongi mentioned last summer like that, you had been thinking about it during the last weeks. It was cruel to come here and expect you to welcome him, expect you to act like he didn’t leave you shattered. 

“But the only way to talk to me was to get drunk first?”

“Baby…” 

“Don’t call me that.” You stopped him “If you want to come here, you ask first, you shouldn't do this. This is not nice.”

Yoongi was quick to realize that you were being dead serious, that this wasn’t the right thing to do. He had been hoping to see you again for so long that when he had you in front of him, it was too late to notice that he had been wrong. 

“You are right.” He admitted. “I’m sorry.” You sighed heavily, looking at the ceiling. It was hard to separate this Yoongi from the Yoongi of three weeks ago. This one seemed harmless unlike the other one, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pity him. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what? Taehyung?” You scoffed. 

“No, about us.”

“I won’t talk to you unless you’re sober.” You sentenced. Yoongi nodded, looking resigned. 

“Could you wait for me, then?” He dared to request. “Just a few hours, until I get sober.”

Was this what you wanted? To consider his request felt wrong, you didn’t want things to end up like this. Your brain was telling you to send him back home, but you knew that you deserved to give yourself closure, something that didn’t make you feel like you ran away and left things undone. You nodded, giving him the benefit of the doubt. 

“Just a few hours. And you’re sleeping in my bed, I’ll wait in Nayeon’s.” 

“I only like your bed when you are there.” He was bold enough to say. 

“Shut up and stand up.”

taglist: @scqrl3tte @kimseokjinbangtan @minmin2022 @minvlush @bids97 @cowboylikevicky @jiimtaee @jjkmspace @localmoonchild @itsfinallymyyearhenderson @tarahardcore @kookstempo @yoongimentita7 @jwlmnbt @almosttoopizza @floriiansgrave @damn-u-min-yoongi @starbtslove @bastard--bunny @pelicanpizza @deliciouslydisturbed365 @g0lden-sunset @side-effectss @iwishselena @rosquilleta @funsizemarsbar92

love | myg

Summary: A compilation of memories as an epilogue.

this is part six of so it goes: series masterlist

< part five

—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of? they're in love) to lovers, lots and lots of fluff, smut

—warnings/tags: cursing, mentions of alcoholism, mentions of death, explicit content, unprotected sex, dirty talk etcetc

—words: 16k

a/note: HI FRIENDS!!! I'm finally back with an epilogue for so it goes 😥. I couldn't come with another name for this part lmao but I hoped you like it, it took me so long to finish it and I'm so excited to post it!! Thank you for waiting for me <3 Enjoy it !!! Please feel free to discuss this part in the asks, as always feedback is very appreciated :)

Yoongi’s childhood home

It has been a long time since Yoongi felt purely in love. In the past, love always came with doubts, fears and an upsetting feeling on his stomach that made him want to vomit everytime he woke up. Love was presented to him with more cons than pros, it was like a dark night trying to find your partner in the middle of the dance floor, like fighting under the rain outside of the nightclub, it was a good moment being ruined by a mocking grin and cruel words, it was like having to hold your breath until you turned blue.

Despite that, Yoongi was not completely at odds with love, he loved many things. He loved his job, his dog, his family and friends, but his tired heart was convinced that the type of love that was supposed to keep you awake at night… wasn’t for him, he just forgot about it, and in consequence of that he stopped waiting for it too, so you just could imagine how confused he was the night he met you. You were love walking in high heels and a black dress that was too short to be yours, you were love wearing bright red lipstick as you kissed him goodbye, you were love laughing at him because you would never settle for a one night stand with him. You were love punching him in the face, announcing that you were about to tear him apart.

During those moments of the night when the lights of the club turned red, the remains of his heart were stuck on the inside of his chest as he kissed another stranger to drown the feeling, to try to bury it in the backyard of his numb mind. Yoongi was a dark cloud moving into the room threatening to rain, but you only saw a tall man ogling you with tired eyes and a smirk capable of killing any girl, any girl but not you, never you, you couldn’t allow yourself to fall for a man who wouldn’t look at you twice. Back then you were sure he was the kind of guy who never noticed girls like you in the daylight, you weren’t as astonishing as the girls he had been with in the past, too rough on the edges, too normal.

You came from two different worlds, Yoongi was doing concerts and throwing after parties all night until the next morning, you woke up at six in the morning and got ready to catch a class at seven. He produced music and wrote songs, you studied history and tutored english to middle school kids. While he was mingling with superstars and models you had a small group of college friends who enjoyed staying home, eating pizza and drinking beer. There was no way you were compatible, from your hobbies to your life styles, to the movies you liked, you were just… different, no amount of mysterious glances across the room could change that.

So, why did he kiss you for the first time that afternoon all those months ago? Was it the sun that was about to set, encouraging him to do it? Was it the devil sitting on his left shoulder? Was it you, just begging him with your eyes to do it? There was no explanation for that kind of thing, but he came back to that memory every other day, he couldn't remember a girl who kissed him so sweetly. Was it your lipgloss or it was you? He swore it was just you.

For you, love came in waves during short periods of time. There was always love in your circle, in your friend’s arms and your childhood home, even the other kind of love always came but never stayed. Yoongi was a rare presence in your life during some time, he was gray between all the defined black and white in your life, which always upset you.

Love comes and goes all the time, but why couldn’t he stay? After so many years of accepting the short time that your past lovers offered, it was strange to want a person so badly, it was strange to want more, to even think about it, you were not used to the feeling of something lasting. However, when he laid beside you every night you wished he could stay against all odds, you wished he could stay in your bed until the next morning, you wished he could stay for breakfast and for the rest of the week if he wanted, but even that would not be enough. Not his burning touch over your skin or the proximity of his body during the night, not his hands finding yours under the table in a crowded room, not the hundred of his kisses or the sweetness of his words could be enough unless you told him the truth. But, could you be sure that would have saved both of you from the mess, the drunk texts and the drunk fights and the drunk-everything? You like to think that it would have helped a little bit, but maybe — just maybe — Yoongi needed a slap in the face before hearing the truth, just then he would realize that being in love wasn’t so difficult after all, and to be your boyfriend seemed to be the easiest thing he had ever done.

It has been a long time since Yoongi felt so purely in love, love like it’s supposed to be, love itself. It turned out to be that he found love everywhere ever since, he found love in the mornings as he tasted the coffee you made for him, he found it in the note you left in your nightstand when you left before he woke up, he saw it in your eyes ever since you told him you loved him too. He had been so blind and you couldn’t blame him, you had been so clueless.

Two months into spring Yoongi had come to the realization that among all the chaos in his life, the calmness that came with your company was all he needed after a long day. It was simple, but it seemed to him that it took him a lifetime to find you (he swore it felt like more).

Loving you was easy, but he thought he needed a bit of practice in the relationship field. The concept of boyfriend had been altered by the months he spent being with you without being official, so what was he supposed to do now? Spend more time with you? Give you more kisses? He was obviously more comfortable than before, now he didn’t need to hold back, he was free from the anguish and the sinking feeling that he felt in the past every time you weren’t around. Now he felt safe, however, it was unclear to him how much of a boyfriend he needed to be, or what type of boyfriend you wanted.

Yoongi sighed for the third time since Jungkook arrived at his studio, trying to focus on the monitor in front of him without thinking of the song that Jungkook was humming and how it sounded just like the one you were singing that morning in the shower. He knew it, he was sure, but he couldn’t remember the name of it. Suddenly, Jungkook started whistling the song but still nothing came to mind, which started to annoy him.

Yoongi sighed again.

“Am I bothering you?” Jungkook asked, a little bit offended. Yoongi shook his head without saying anything. “Are you sure?” He insisted, but Yoongi just nodded. “You’re quiet today.”

“I’m always quiet.” He replied.

“Mmm, yes but more quiet than ever.” He said, spinning in the swivel chair beside Yoongi. “You don’t like my song?” He kept asking, now starting to wonder if Yoongi didn't like the project that Jungkook brought last week for him to work on, but he liked the song, he just wasn’t thinking about it, he was thinking about the song he was whistling.

“It’s not your song, I’m just thinking.” Yoongi said, resting his back on the chair and spinning just like Jungkook did a second ago.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Jungkook offered, determined to know what was distracting Yoongi that afternoon.

“What was that song you were humming?” He asked.

“That’s what you were thinking?” Jungkook wanted to check, knowing it was surely something else that kept Yoongi zoning out.

“Kind of.” Yoongi answered.

“Paramore.” Jungkook laughed “Do you know it? The only exception? Your girlfriend used to overplay that song when I met her.”

Yoongi threw his head back, relieved to finally remember the song after being in his mind since he left his house. Jungkook started calling you that ever since you and Yoongi started dating, he copied Namjoon just to tease him, but it only put a smile on Yoongi’s face. His friend on his right seemed to be the happiest person when he found out that you and Yoongi made up, it was like seeing his parents threaten to divorce but then seeing them coming back together. (Obviously, Yoongi had no idea that half of that happiness came from knowing that his plan had worked, but he swore with blood that he wasn’t going to say a thing, after all, it will be useful for him in the future in case he needed to extort you).

“She was singing it today in the shower.” Yoongi informed him.

Jungkook giggled. “Creepy.” He said.

“Just a little bit.”

It wasn’t that creepy actually, you knew Junkook since you were both nineteen, you were almost connected like twins. If someone knew you as well as Yoongi did, that was Jungkook.

That thought stayed in his mind for a second, and after a while, it lit a lightbulb on top of Yoongi’s head.

“Was that all?” The youngest kept pushing, not fully convinced.

Yoongi thought about it.

“Mmm… No.” He said. Hoping that his friend would help him, but more importantly, that he wouldn’t laugh at him.

Lately he couldn’t name you in front of his friends without them acting like middle school kids, teasing him until his face turned red, and Jungkook was the most annoying of all of them.

“Are you not going to tell me?” He pushed one last time.

“Only if you don’t tell anybody.” Yoongi conditioned, making Jungkook frown.

“You’d be surprised how good I am at keeping secrets.” Jungkook raised an eyebrow, but Yoongi didn’t catch Jungkook’s hint, luckily, he just rolled his eyes.

“It’s going to be our… anniversary? monthiversary? Whatever you call it. The third one, in two weeks.”

“Three months already?” Jungkook asked, surprised that time has passed so quickly. “Wow, what about it?”

“I’ve been thinking.” He said “What do you and Bora do on your anniversary?”

Jungkook looked up at the ceiling, trying to remember every single thing that he did with his girlfriend when that day came around.

“It’s different every time.” He answered “Sometimes we go to a restaurant if we feel like it, but sometimes we just go for ice cream before the day ends. Sometimes I buy her flowers and sometimes she buys me something I like. But it’s different for everyone.” Jungkook paused, observing his friend being absorbed by his own thoughts. “Why? Is that what you were thinking? What to do on your… monthiversary?”

“Kind of. I think I don’t know how to be her boyfriend.” Yoongi confessed, avoiding Jungkook’s gaze to not feel like he was making a fool of himself.

Jungkook didn’t laugh about it, but he found it a bit curious.

“How is that you don’t know?” He questioned.

Yoongi spinned on the chair again. “I mean, what if she feels like our relationship didn’t change at all from when I wasn’t her boyfriend? What if she thinks it’s the same and she gets bored?” He asked, letting the words out like it wasn’t the main concern of the month.

Jungkook was a bit surprised by the way Yoongi’s mind worked, just like Namjoon was when Yoongi told him that he couldn’t allow himself to be happy with you because he had a fight with Jimin. But like before, this made sense for Yoongi, and was a perfectly coherent concern.

“Are you serious?” Jungkook laughed, “A relationship is not defined by what you do on your anniversary.”

“Is it not?” Yoongi joked, but he was still a little unsure.

“I don’t think so.” He said “I’m sure she’s not going to get bored of you, you keep her entertained. She’s in love with you, buddy, you’re not getting rid of her anytime soon.”

Yoongi was aware of that, you spent your free days glued to his chest and sleeping on his bed like it was yours, you made sure he knew every day how in love you were. He knew you loved him, but that wasn’t his problem.

“No, I mean, I know that. But I don’t want her to feel like it’s the same as before, I wonder if she can tell the difference, I hope she does. I just want to be… you know, a good boyfriend.”

Jungkook watched Yoongi playing with his fingers and he bit back a smile, wondering what it was that you had to leave Yoongi so… lost. And most importantly, what you did to him to have him talking about his feelings so openly. Jungkook never thought that Yoongi would try to come to him for relationship advice, but there he was, worried about being a decent boyfriend.

He tried not to tease his friend, he knew that if he did Yoongi would suddenly shut up.

“To be fair, you were already acting like a couple before making it official, so I think it’s normal to feel that way.” Jungkook tried to advise “But if you want her to see the difference, you should probably make her see that you’re serious with her. For example, I know she hasn't met your parents yet, right?”

Yoongi frowned, shaking his head. “No, she hasn’t.”

“There you go.” Jungkook winked at him “She likes simple things, if you take her to meet your parents she would feel like you are making her part of your life. Anyone can meet your friends, but not everyone meets your parents. She will take it as something special.”

That idea never crossed his mind until now. He still remembered when his mom called him when Yoongi’s brother told her that he was seeing a girl when he came to visit Yoongi, back then Yoongi ignored her and told her that you weren’t his girlfriend and didn’t give any other explanation. Yoongi loved his mom, but she was intense, even if he was the youngest of the family, she thought that he should be already married, she thought he should be already settled down with a wife and everything, but Yoongi was never the kind to follow the rules, let alone his parents’ rules.

The problem wasn’t you, it was just the way his mom never liked any of his girlfriends, so she never invited them to their house. This time was different, he knew that both his mom and dad would love you, so maybe Jungkook wasn’t so wrong after all.

Yoongi could still feel an annoying feeling on his stomach everytime he remembered the fight that you had , he remembered when you mentioned how he told you he was going to take you to meet his mom, so this could be an opportunity to make it up to you.

“That doesn’t sound bad.” Yoongi just said.

“Right? I’m always right.” Jungkook bragged “And about your monthiversary date, you should talk about it with her, ask her what she wants to do, it’s as simple as that.”

“Fine. I’ll take your advice, but I know you and I know her, so don’t say a word about this conversation.” Yoongi warned.

“It’s okay, my lips are sealed.”

Later that month Yoongi was just finishing taking a shower at his parent’s place after a long day. That morning he put his bag on the trunk of his car as he thought of what Jungkook said, and without him wanting to, the expression of his mother’s face every time he came to visit appeared on his mind.

When he got in the car he put on a cap and sunglasses and you laughed. He had been asking himself if Jungkook’s idea was working ever since he asked if you wanted to come and visit his family with him, you said yes without hesitation but didn’t say much else until that day. You took off your shoes at the beginning of the ride and played music until you fell asleep.

It was a long ride to Yoongi’s hometown, and you seemed to enjoy it until you made your last stop at a gas station. You got out of the car and bought some snacks, when you were getting back your boyfriend hugged you from behind and told you you were about to arrive. He kissed your cheek and circled the car to get on his seat, he didn’t see your face properly, but if he had done it he would have seen the smile on your face disappear. You got in the car with him and after fifteen minutes you asked if he could roll the windows down.

“I think I’m getting car sick.” You explained, sinking in your seat as you felt how your stomach turned upside down.

“Carsick?” He repeated. “You never get car sick.”

“I do.” You tried to argue, but he didn't believe you.

“I’ve been driving for three hours and you were just fine.” He told you, but you decided to ignore him. He looked at you for a brief second before turning his gaze to the road again. You shut your eyes close and frowned in discomfort, hugging your tummy like you were about to vomit. “Or is it that you’re nervous?”

You opened your eyes, offended. “I’m not nervous, I told you I’m getting car sick.”

Maybe Yoongi tried to forget you so hard months ago that he ended up memorizing every single thing about you. Only after you began to date him, you realized how much he knew about you. He bragged about it, and it was cute when he remembered that you didn’t like mayonnaise or what kind of wine you liked, but it was annoying when you couldn’t keep a secret away from him because he could read it in your face.

The truth was that Yoongi made the mistake of telling you how his mother didn't have a good relationship with his past girlfriends, in fact she didn’t even have a relationship at all with them. She had met all of them in other circumstances but never invited them to their house, she only needed one meeting to decide if she didn’t like them, and now you were in physical pain just thinking of the possibility that she didn’t like you either.

Of course that all this fuss came from your last experience with your ex boyfriend, who’s mother made it very clear that she didn’t like you. You didn’t know what it was, maybe the fact that you weren’t catholic, or maybe that she liked Dan’s ex girlfriend more, who knows? You didn’t want that to happen again. Different from Dan, you really wanted to stay in Yoongi’s life.

When you saw the first sign with the name of Yoongi’s hometown next to the highway, you finally admitted it, hoping that your boyfriend could give you an answer.

“How do I know if your mom doesn’t like me?” You asked him, automatically making him scoff.

“She won’t dislike you.” He just said.

Yoongi was a man of few words, but that wasn’t good enough for you.

“How do you know?” You insisted.

“Because I like you, don’t I?” He smugly answered, making you want to rip off his head for laughing at you.

“But you said your mother thinks you have bad taste in women.” You reminded him, but he shook his head in denial.

“You can’t rely on that.” He said “My mother also thinks that I should be a doctor, she has her own perspective of reality and it’s impossible to please her.”

“That doesn’t make me any less nervous.” You whined.

“You don’t have to be nervous, I’m sure that both of them will love you. You made them a pie!” He tried to encourage you, but you weren’t content yet, your mind couldn’t stop making scenarios.

“But what if they think ‘What a pretentious bitch, she wants to buy us with food’?” You kept insisting. Your question seemed rational to ask, but it only made him fail to suppress his laugh.

“They will think ‘What a nice girl, she made us a pie’!” He acted.

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t believe you.”

“I don’t know how to make you believe me.” He laughed “I can tell you the truth, my mom is a complicated woman, it’s impossible to please her, but if you just be yourself she will like you, if you’re trying too hard that’s when she will dislike you.”

You still weren’t happy with his answer. He seemed too cool about the whole situation, you didn’t understand how he wasn’t at least a little nervous.

“Your advice sucks.” You spat, crossing your arms over your chest “Then, what if she doesn’t like the way I am?”

He sighed, thinking about it for a second. “I mean…” He said, dragging his words “What’s not to like?”

Then, you punched his arm, making him whine.

“Quit playing with me.” You cried.

At this point, Yoongi was just trying to mess with you. He wasn’t lying when he said his mom was complicated, but he also knew how excited she was to welcome Yoongi’s first girlfriend after so long. He knew she would be happy just knowing he wasn’t single anymore, but after meeting you he was sure she was going to love you. Maybe it was cruel, but he decided to keep that for himself.

“But I’m serious!” He protested, rubbing his arm “First, I know my dad will like you, and even if my mom is intense, she will like you too because I know her and I know you. You get along with older people, you’re smart, you know how to cook, you’re a future teacher. What else can I say to stop you from vomiting in my car?”

You kept silent for a minute like he had just scolded you, reevaluating if he had made a good point or not. Maybe you were right and someone like Yoongi’s mom would never like any of his son’s girlfriends, but maybe Yoongi was right and you were overreacting. It hurt you to admit that you were.

Yoongi had never seen a person more nervous than him to see his mom. In front of his eyes it appeared the same image of his mom’s face that he saw on his mind earlier that morning. Years passed before Yoongi stopped doing what his mother thought was best for him, even if sometimes she was right, sometimes she was not, he learned to stop caring what she thought of him. His brother had a more stable job, but it was not until recently that he got a stable girlfriend, so he had two points in the game. Even though his family was proud of him now, years ago her mother considered that his job was not stable and he had no girlfriend until three months ago, so back then he had zero points. Yoongi said fuck the game long ago, his mother’s claims had no effect on him anymore, but he didn’t expect you to react like this when he told you about his mother’s behaviour with his past girlfriends, he realized it was only logical, even if he knew his mother would like you.

“Stop.” You told him, the feeling on your stomach slowly disappearing.”You’re obsessed with me.”

You watched him trying to hide a smirk, but he didn’t deny it.

“You stop.” He said “Stop worrying, I’m sure everything is going to be fine.”

You were not willing to admit he was right, you decided to change the subject.

“So… Will they make us sleep in separate rooms?” You asked, “Since we’re not married.”

Your question was only innocent, it was genuine, but the clarification made Yoongi laugh.

“My mother is insane, not conservative.” He said, like it was hard to tell the difference. “Maybe a little old-fashioned, but no. Besides, I don’t think she thinks I’m saving myself for marriage.”

You rolled your eyes. “I was just asking.” You clarified “It’s not like I’m… fucking you in your parent’s house.”

“Why not?” He teased you, but you ignored him, refusing to take the conversation any further.

That seemed to clear the air at least for now, but when you arrived at his house he was not surprised at all to see you get along with his parents, especially his mother. You didn’t know that you already had a few points in her game thanks to Yoongi’s brother, and you gained even more when you offered to help with cooking. Yoongi thought that was a good sign, his mom never let anyone but his brother help with her food.

His mom kissed both of you in the face as she sent his dad to leave your bags in Yoongi’s room, and not even half an hour later you were in the kitchen, chatting with her as you rolled up your sleeves and started cutting carrots.

What a fool you had made of him, he laughed at him in secret when random sentences appeared on his mind when he looked at you. You were wearing a brown sweater and blue shorts and for a moment he thought you looked like the last day of spring, like summer but not quite summer, like summer before he met you, summer when he didn’t know your name or how your mouth tasted. He saw the dark green color of the walls and smelled the coffee from the morning and it seemed like you always belonged there, somehow, he found you just in time before his mom decided to change the color of the walls like she was telling you, you camouflaged yourself in them like you were part of the kitchen, like you were part of his home. You told his mom that it was a shame to change the color, you liked it that way.

When the food was ready you sat beside him. It only took one question from Yoongi’s dad, who just asked how old you were, to stop his mother from holding herself back and start bombing you with every question you could imagine, you didn’t mind, she was just curious. You tried to ask questions back, trying to know them just as much as they wanted to know you, but it was difficult when Yoongi’s mom was barely interested in something else that wasn’t your relationship with her son. From your job, to your career, your family and friends, and how and when you meet Yoongi. He felt like an observant, like he was five years old and his mother told him that he could only stay at the adult’s table if he could keep quiet. You always said that you struggled at being social, but you seemed so natural as you laughed and moved your hands, telling his father that you were sure that you were graduating this year.

“Yoongi barely graduated from high school!” His dad said, making you giggle.

After lunch he offered to wash the dishes as he saw you disappear in the back door with both his mom and dad, she explained that she wanted to introduce you to her plants in the garden. He craned his neck and tried to spy on you from the window of the kitchen, but he could hardly see you or hear anything. He was not sure if he could leave you alone with them yet, but he knew that you knew enough about plants to charm his mom.

As the day came to an end, you forgot why you were worried that morning. That night, Yoongi searched for you in his living room and found you sitting with his parents on his couch, freshly out of the shower as you shared a cup of tea and his mother showed you some family photos. Yoongi tried not to roll his eyes, it was just a matter of time until his mother pulled their family albums for the guest to see. He sat next to you and noticed that all of you were looking at a picture of him and his brother on a school day, there was a big smile plastered on Jeasung’s face, but a six year old Yoongi looked like someone stole his favorite toy, you laughed thinking it was the same upset face he had when something was bothering him, he still looked the same.

Yoongi’s mom explained that his youngest son never liked to wear his high school uniform, she told you that she had to dress him several hours earlier so he could get used to it and forget he was wearing it when it was time to leave.

“Of course he never got used to it.” She complained, “But it’s normal, life itself it’s like a uniform for this kid.” His mother never failed to tease Yoongi, and he only laughed because he heard you laughing.

But she was not wrong, Yoongi always thought that his clothes didn’t fit him well and that his shoes were uncomfortable for him, he never liked being in his parent's car for too long because the seatbelt was too tight. He was irrationally afraid of thunder and the dark, he liked to stay at home most of the time and watched maybe too much tv. As a kid Yoongi thought that perhaps his body belonged to another planet, he believed that someone dropped him on earth and expected him to get used to this life, a life that wasn’t for him, to a bed that couldn't fit him, to a house full of rules that he didn’t know how to follow. When he grew up he was quick to blame the rural town he was raised in, he used to say that it held him back, but when he moved to the city he found out there was no apartment big enough to fit his heart. And when he met you last summer, he noticed that suddenly his clothes fitted him just right and that his shoes were never the problem. Maybe his body never belonged to earth or to mars, but belonged to you. As he watched you observing his baby photos he remembered what Jungkook said, you liked simple things, he realized he liked them too.

He spent an hour with you and his parents, until his father decided to go to bed and Yoongi noticed it was his turn to take a shower, but his mother didn’t care that it was almost midnight, instead she poured you another cup of tea.

“I’ll go to take a shower.” Yoongi announced, “After that, we’ll go to sleep.”

“You don’t tell me when it’s my bedtime.” You joked, turning the page of the birthday photo album.

But when Yoongi got out of the shower after twenty minutes, he opened the door of his bedroom and found you there, changing into your pajamas. You jumped, startled when you saw him “You scared me.”

Yoongi murmured a quick ‘sorry’, sitting at the edge of the bed as he observed you change, noticing that your pajamas were actually just an old shirt of his.

There were many scenarios where Yoongi pictured you and him together, but this was never one of them. You, in the middle of his childhood bedroom doing basic things such as getting ready to bed. It was different from the bedroom at his apartment, this was the bedroom where he grew up and knew all his life, all those events from today made him feel like an arrow pierced through his chest and made his heart bleed, like he was high and couldn’t open his eyes properly because he was so blinded of love.

He wouldn’t like to call it the honeymoon phase, that would annoy him, but he could tell he was so drunk in you that the withdrawal of you being apart could hurt him terribly. That night he hoped to get tangled with your body one last time before giving away all his fears, he hoped to get in bed, kiss your face and whisper the truth to you, you were part of him, you had embedded yourself in his soul and now he couldn’t picture his childhood home without thinking that you were part of it all along, he had been waiting for you, he had been waiting to feel like everything was okay.

“It’s strange seeing you here.” He told you, making you turn around to see him “It's like running into your teacher in the supermarket.”

You giggled. “It’s strange for me too, being in the room where you probably brought a hundred girls.”

Yoongi looked around his room, asking himself how you didn’t notice yet. He thought that the poster of Slam Dunk in the back of the door would have given him away, maybe the stickers of Batman in his wardrobe, but you were dead serious. “You are crazy if you think I ever brought a girl to this room.”

You frowned, walking to lay in bed next to him. “I don’t believe you.”

“I’m not lying.” He insisted “When my brother left for college and left me the room I was like fourteen, I was not very popular with girls back then.”

“And later?” You questioned.

“Later I moved in with Seokjin when I was like seventeen. Besides, the fear that I had of my mom finding out that I sneaked someone here was stronger than anything else.”

You looked like you were doing the math in your mind, after calculating, you said one simple word that made Yoongi choke. “Virgin.” You pronounced.

Yoongi glared at you, offended. “No, you’re wrong, that doesn’t mean I was a virgin before moving in with Seokjin.”

“So your bed is a virgin.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Now Yoongi turned to you, laying on top of you and placing himself between your legs to kiss you softly. He was just trying to be sweet, but you knew better. He grabbed your hips and pressed you firmly against him, breaking the kiss to leave a few pecks on your lips. “I mean, if you want to…” He offered, making you scoff.

“I will kick you in the balls, stop.” You whined, grabbing him by his shoulders to stop him from kissing you again.

“Okay, I’ll stop for now.” He said, not really convincing you. For now, he changed the subject. “What did my mom tell you in the garden?”

You squint your eyes, trying to remember “Oh, nothing, really.” You replied, tilting your head to see him more clearly. “We were talking about her plants. She wanted to know how many I could name.”

He laughed just by thinking of it, of course his mom would do that.

“What, like a test?”

“It seemed like it.” You said, laughing too. “But the good news is that I think I passed.”

“That gave you points.”

“Do you think?” You wondered out loud “Do you think she liked me?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?” He laughed, “I’ll get her review tomorrow, but dad already told me.”

“What did he say?” You wanted to know.

You noticed that Yoongi’s dad was very quiet, just like him, he said just the right amount of words, unlike his mother, who couldn't stop talking for a minute. Yoongi said that they complemented each other.

“He said you were a very polite girl, and that you were funny but too pretty for me.”

You pouted “That’s not true, you are a pretty boy.”

He smiled, fighting for his life not to blush “That’s what I said as well.”

“They don’t have much faith in you.” You joked. Yoongi sighed, thinking that it might be true, his dad joked and asked him where did he got you from, where in the word he had found you, he kept his answer to himself, he couldn’t say to his father that he felt like the stars aligned the day he met you, he would laugh in his face.

“You said it yourself, I have a bad boy reputation to keep up with.” He murmured, reminding you when he bought you a necklace and you said that you wouldn’t tell anyone that he was so sweet. “But I hoped that changed, he told me not to fuck up.”

You saw his smile and silently wondered when you were going to stop visibly melting under his gaze, the whole conversation had your heart jumping inside your chest, you were afraid it would run away from your chest.

“That’s great advice.” Your voice came as a whisper.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m trying.” He scoffed, laying his head on your shoulder and burying his nose in the crook of your neck.

As the silence took over the room, Yoongi felt your hands in the back of his neck, running your fingers through his hair and feeling like it was time to sleep, but Yoongi’s mind was still racing.

“Did you have a good time today?” He asked before you fell asleep, you just hummed in response. “Will you come back with me next time?”

“Yes.” You laughed “Will you bring me back?”

“Of course.” He murmured against your neck “I didn’t bring you here just to meet my parents.”

“Didn’t you?” You frowned, making raise his head to look at you again. He shook his head in response. “Was there another reason?”

While you grabbed the wet strands of his hair that fell on his face to curl them around your fingers, he pretended to think his answer. “Yes, I brought you here so you know that I’m serious about you, I want you to be part of every part of my life.” He tried to sound cool, he hoped you didn’t notice he practiced that sentence the whole ride while you were sleeping and minutes ago in the shower.

You couldn’t escape from his words when he was just centimeters away from your face, it was impossible not to blush.

“Where is this coming from?” You asked, not being able to hide your smile.

Where was this coming from? He remembered suddenly. Yoongi knew you from head to toe, he memorized every part of you face, he knew every single mole in your body, he knew what sound you made when you were about to wake up, he knew exactly what you liked and you didn’t like, yet it was ridiculous how unsure he was about your decision to stay with him. In that moment where the light from the lamp on his nightstand illuminated the right side of your face and made only one of your eyes shine, he looked at you and could only read one thing in your eyes; ‘finally’, they said. How relieved he was in that instant.

“From a lot of places.” He confessed. “I don’t want to hide how I feel and make the same mistakes twice, so I needed to tell you.”

It was not shocking to you that Yoongi had these thoughts once in a while, but you were happy that he was okay with talking about it with you. “It’s okay, you don’t need to worry about that.” You whispered “But it’s nice to hear that, I want you in my life too, for as long as I can keep you.”

Yoongi laughed, you had no idea that it was the other way around.

“Forever, then.” He offered, rubbing his nose against yours.

“Okay, but first you have to tell me you love me.” You murmured “To seal the deal, so I can be sure.”

“I love you, baby.” He said in a sweet tone, making your heart melt like it was the first time you were hearing it, like it was a confession.

“That’s good news, I love you too.”

Friends

You always believed that to be a good lover, you had to be a good friend first. Maybe that’s why things didn’t work out with your last boyfriend, he hardly ever cared about you the way you cared about him. What’s love if not friendship first? A friend is always there, always knows what to say and if that’s not the case, a friend always listens. A friend always saves your seat in crowded rooms and knows how to read your mind when you want to escape. A friend knows every part of you, even the embarrassing ones, the most damaged ones. A friend knows your past and knows your flaws, knows your favorite songs and the food you don’t like. A friend knows that one person you despise and talks shit about them with you even if they don’t know them, a friend knows your family drama and maybe the color of your toothbrush.

Yoongi was that kind of friend to you, except that he also was the kind of friend who kissed you during the nights and early in the morning, a friend who shared shirts and socks with you, a friend who memorized every part of your body and the kind who took showers with you. If Yoongi wasn’t your friend you couldn’t let him see you hungover, or allow him to hold your hair if you were vomiting in the bathroom, you considered that it was a perfect balance.

Eight months after you began dating, he had left and returned from tour after three months of not seeing him. You barely saw him at the airport when you welcomed him that morning, but as soon as you arrived at his apartment, he fell asleep on his bed after a short kissing session. You only visited him once last month when he surprised you with a plane ticket as a present when he couldn’t be there for your graduation, but a month was too long to be apart from him, even if he texted and called every day and sent pictures of him after his shows. Now his hair was longer and you could see a bit of facial hair on his chin, but you liked him like that.

You wished you could wait for him to wake up to spend the night with him, but he had come back a few days earlier and you already had plans to go to a bar with Yongsun and Nayeon that same night, but you had promised Yoongi that when you were done you would make Nayeon drop you at his apartment.

What is love if not friendship first? If Yoongi wasn't your friend, you would never have allowed him to see you in the state you were in when you came back to his house that night.

Yoongi was about to hit the tenth hour of sleep when he was woken up by the sound of someone trying to open the door. In the distance, he heard the key hitting the wood but never entering the lock, he knew it was you, but he was too sleepy to realize that you were far too drunk to open the door in the first try (or the second and third one). You told him you were coming back not after two, but when he looked at the clock on his nightstand and saw that it was almost five, he decided to stay in bed, thinking that you were just struggling to open the door in the dark. When he thought he was about to enter into another dream, his sleep was once again interrupted by the sound of your high heels stumbling through the hallway. Were you with someone? Your laugh could reach his ears from his bedroom, were you alone? What were you laughing about?

He should’ve known you weren’t in your five senses before your silhouette appeared at the entrance of your bedroom, now with your shoes in your hands, leaning on the wall as you tried not to stumble with your own feet. You clearly didn’t notice he was awake, so he took advantage of that.

In the dark, he saw you walking towards the mirror beside his bed, covering your mouth and trying not to laugh when you saw your reflection. Your make up was ruined and your hair was a mess, for some reason it was the funniest thing to you.

Yoongi waited silently on the bed until you decided to join him, but you seemed to be taking your time, soon enough you began stripping from your clothes as you danced to a song playing in your mind, then you began to hum it. You left your jacket on the floor, then you decided to unzip the black dress you were wearing, staying in your underwear only. Yoongi couldn’t recognize the song, he felt like it was a private moment between you and yourself only, even if he had seen you with less clothes than that, he felt guilty for spying on you, but it was too funny to look away. He tried not to laugh and pursed his lips when he saw that you had almost finished your little dance, you brushed your hair with your fingers and adjusted your underwear. Before you got into bed, you turned around and took one last look in the mirror, except this time you were notably checking your butt.

You giggled one last time before getting under the covers. He closed his eyes, scared to be caught watching you.

He felt your hands shaking his head, trying to wake him up. “Bubba, I’m here.” You slurred, hugging his body close to yours. Yoongi pretended to wake up and opened his eyes.

“What are you doing?” He asked, faking a sleepy tone on his voice and wrapping his arms around your torso. “Why are you naked?”

“I’m not… naked.” You chuckled “Not completely.”

Yoongi took a second to scan your face in the dark, which was smudged with dark gray eyeshadow and glitter. That night you seemed to have worn red lipstick, but now it was all faded, that happened when you drank (vodka, he could smell it).

“It’s cold.” He informed you, feeling your cold feet trying to find his own so he could warm them. “And it’s late.”

It was not usual for you to get drunk, so Yoongi had barely seen this phase of you in the last months. He quickly learned that you were a happy drunk, laughing at him when he told you it was too late to wake him up. It was funny, and Yoongi thought it was the end of it, but when you kissed him, trying to shut him up, he knew you were going to be awake for a bit longer before finally sleeping.

It turned out that you didn’t only smell like vodka, but you taste like it too, that and watermelon as well. If you hardly ever got drunk it was because you didn’t like most alcoholic drinks, of course you were going to get drunk with cocktails. But your kiss was slow and sweet, and he liked watermelon after all. You only pulled away to kiss his nose.

“Did you have a good time?” He asked, hoping that small talk will tire you, needless to say that he was about to fail.

“I was missing you the whole time.” You replied, taking him by surprise when you began to straddle his lap to get on top of him, leaning to kiss his lips again. “But yes, I did.”

“What about your friends?” He murmured against your lips, but you didn’t want to stop kissing him. “Was Nayeon the designated driver?”

“Mhm, yes. She had to take care of me.” You laughed, sneaking your hands under his shirt. “She was afraid I would throw up in her new car.”

Yoongi was sure you were staining him with the red lipstick that remained on your lips when you began to leave small kisses on his neck, but you seemed happy, so he supposed it was okay. “I would be afraid of that too.” He joked. “What about Yongsun?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe me.” You exclaimed, being a bit too loud “She danced with a guy and kissed him, he wanted to go home with her.”

“What?” He asked, running his hands down your thighs. “Did she say yes?”

“Mmm, no, girl’s night only. But can you imagine?”

Yoongi hummed, happy to hear you talk about your night but knowing that you were not in the mood for sleeping yet. “What about you?” He continued to ask “Did you dance with a lot of boys?”

You gasped at the assumption “Me? Of course not.” You denied, leaning forward to kiss him again. “However, I must confess, I’m a pretty girl, bubba, a lot of guys approached me.”

“Yeah?” He raised his eyebrows, not willing to picture the image in his head. You nodded “And what did you say to them?”

“I said that I was not interested because I have a boyfriend.” You said in a pout, encouraging him to kiss you again.

Even if he tried to be strong and send you to sleep, he was too tangled in your games to run away from your kisses, or from you anyway. “Mhm, such a good girl.” He hummed against your mouth.

Suddenly, you pulled away from him. “Don’t say that.” You whined. “I’m already horny and I know you won’t fuck me since I’m tipsy.”

A loud laugh escaped from Yoongi’s mouth, surprised at your confession. “Are you horny?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t know.”

“I didn’t.” He denied. “And you’re not tipsy, you’re drunk as hell.”

“Whatever.” You huffed. “I was thinking about it the whole ride home.”

“Is that why you’re naked?” He kept laughing.

“I’m not naked.” You insisted. “But yes…”

Over the past months you naturally made a lists of ‘do not fuck if’ without noticing. You were the one who started it, telling him that you weren’t going to have sex if you were already showered or if it was wednesday, which was the day you were most tired. You had made very clear that you weren’t going to fuck him if you were on his parent’s house or while having a shower in your apartment if Nayeon was around. Of course Yoongi was the one who tried to do it in all those situations like it was a bucket list for him, but he had only one condition that could not be broken: do not fuck if you’re drunk. This was never a problem until that night.

Yoongi noticed that you were letting too many words out of your mouth, words that you would be embarrassed to remember you said the next day, that’s when he knew that it was time to sleep, but first, he wanted to tease you just a little more, that was allowed.

He grabbed your hips and put you down next to him, pressing your body against his. “And what were you thinking?” He asked you, making you believe that he was about to break. You were too drunk to notice that he was just playing with you.

“I don’t know If I can say.” You whispered, grazing your fingers over his face.

“C’mon, baby, you can tell me.” He insisted, but he had an idea of what you were thinking. “You wanted to ride me?”

“Well, yes.” You sighed, looking at his lips, tempted to catch them between your teeth. “But I really don’t have the energy to do that now, so then I thought that you should do all the work.”

It was maybe the first time that Yoongi heard you talk about sex like it was a procedure. “All the work?” He laughed. “Should I just open your legs and do all the work?”

You seemed offended by that offering. You frowned, shaking your head. “No!” You protested, “You must be… romantic.”

Yoongi scoffed. “I’m always romantic.” He said, reaching for your lips, opening your mouth lazily to briefly introduce his tongue, getting your hopes high again. You gripped his shirt, but he pulled away before you could do something else. “Am I not? I bring you to my house, I fuck you in my bed, I let you sleep naked on it, I make you breakfast. I’m romantic.”

“But you aren’t being very romantic right now.” You murmured against his mouth. “And I’m not naked.”

“I’m not fucking you tonight, you’re very drunk and I can be romantic in other ways.” He finally said, but you weren’t willing to give up yet.

“I don’t want other ways.” You kept insisting “I’m literally begging you.”

“You always do that, though.” He said, too cheeky for his own good. You rushed to cover his mouth with your hands, as if there was someone else in the room hearing.

“You can’t say that out loud.” You cried, trying to prevent him from talking again, but he was quick, biting your pinky finger to get himself free. You protested, but he didn’t pay attention.

“You’re the one begging to be fucked.” Yoongi laughed, but the frown on your face wasn’t going away. “Meet me halfway here, I can kiss you until you fall asleep if you want.” He tried to negotiate.

“You can kiss me somewhere else.” You said, making him snort. “I’m conscious enough, and I missed you this whole month”

“No, you’re not. And you’re going to regret saying that when you wake up.”

“Yoongi!” You cried.

“Oh, is it ‘Yoongi’ now?” He asked, wrapping you around one of his arms and making you rest your head on his shoulder, getting you ready to sleep. “It’s only ‘bubba’ when you’re trying to fuck me?”

“It’s only ‘Yoongi’ when I’m mad at you.” You groaned.

“I don’t care, it’s past your bedtime.”

“I didn’t know I had a curfew.” You kept trying to fight him.

“Tonight you do.”

“That sounded hot.” Now you were beginning to test your boyfriend’s patience.

“Oh my god.” He sighed, running one of his hands over his face.

“I like when you talk with a deep voice and you get all serious.” You kept going with your rant, but he was not having it anymore.

“Fine, stop.” He rushed to say “You can tell me all about that tomorrow, I promise I’ll do anything you ask me, but now it’s time to sleep.”

You turned your head to the clock beside you and saw the hour you came back home, you had no idea it was that late. “You could say it’s early.”

“Baby…” He warned you, last warning. Your gaze was kind of blurry and you were not as conscious as you bragged to be. It was difficult to admit that you were about to give up.

“Okay, I’ll sleep.” You said, snuggling near his chest, “But is the kissing session offer still available?”

“No, I don’t trust you anymore.” Yoongi had already closed his eyes “But I can allow a reduced amount of kisses.”

Finally surrendering to his conditions, you stretched out a bit and kissed him three times before falling asleep.

After that night you made sure no one else saw you that drunk, it was like a part of you that you didn’t know. You would have preferred not to remember anything the next day you woke up, but you remembered every single thing that you said. Even if someone erased your memory, Yoongi would have been there to remind you of the whole conversation, he couldn’t stop teasing you for the whole month.

A friend surely was in charge to stop other people seeing you in that state before you start vomiting every word that crossed your mind, but that wouldn’t prevent him from keeping those moments to himself. You promised to control yourself the next morning, but you forgot about it weeks later when you shared way too many glasses of wine with Yoongi one night, luckily there was no one around, and this time you weren’t drunk on vodka like before, so Yoongi laid on the couch and poured you the last glass before deciding it was time to turn off the lights and go to sleep, if were for you, you would have spent the whole night there, talking with him without noticing the words were slipping out you mouth.

You could tell that his eyes were becoming smaller and that his voice sounded deeper, he was getting sleepier but you couldn’t stop talking.

“We should get in bed already.” He announced “Before you tell me all your secrets and regret it the next day.”

“I’m not that drunk, you’re just trying to get rid of me.” You snuggled next to him, shaking your head. “And I don’t think that will work, you already know all my secrets.”

“Do I?” He doubted.

“Mhm.”

“Like what?”

Maybe Yoongi didn’t notice, but you told him a million things that you never told anyone else.

“Like when I told you that I shoplifted that MAC store back home.” You reminded him, making him laugh. “I don’t tell that to anyone because people think I would steal their makeup.”

“But you were like seventeen.” He said.

“Well, but I don’t regret it.” You admitted.

“You just told me that because I don’t use any makeup.”

You huffed, thinking about it “Maybe I keep a secret or two from you.” You confessed. “But a girl needs to have secrets.”

“Like what?” He asked again.

“Don’t manipulate me into telling you my secrets.” You said, dragging your words. He chuckled, leaning to kiss your lips briefly.

“Tell me all your secrets.” He insisted, whispering against your lips. You swallowed, feeling like his piercing eyes were burning your skin.

“I can’t tell you all of them.” You tried to be firm.

“How many you’ve got?” He kept insisting.

“A few… I don’t know.” You answered, counting them in your head, but you were too tipsy to even try. Even if you could, you would forget half of them.

“Tell me five.” He said, grabbing your waist and pulling you closer to him. Taking advantage of your position and kissing you once again, hoping you would fall for him, he tried to melt you with slow kisses while caressing your bare thighs with his fingertips. Yoongi was fine with you having secrets, he just wanted to know what you had to say that night.

You sighed against his mouth, “That’s too much.”

“I’m fine with three.”

You guessed you could find three things you never told anyone, three things that you knew Yoongi would keep for you.

(It should be noted that Jungkook’s plan to get you back together was off limits, you were drunk, not dumb)

“I never liked Nayeon’s food.” You said “She thinks that I always cook because I enjoy it but the truth is that I don’t like it when she does. But it’s a secret, don’t ever tell her.”

You didn’t want to be rude, so you kept it a secret. You thought that Yoongi would be surprised for some reason, or maybe it was your drunk self thinking that what you were saying was very shocking, but Yoongi looked like he already knew.

“Is that your secret?” He complained “I already knew that, it’s not a secret for me.”

“How did you know?” You asked, wide-eyed.

“I can see it in your face.” He explained. “I don’t think she knows, but I sure do.”

“Don’t ever tell her, Yoongi.” You begged like he was threatening to do it. “I tried to help her, but she never gets better.”

“Don’t worry.” He assured you “Your secret is safe with me.”

You believed him, even if he didn’t consider it a secret you kept from him. You tried to think of something that he couldn’t know just by looking at your face, which was the most difficult thing when Yoongi could read every expression of you.

“Okay, I have one that I don’t think you’ll guess.”

“Fine, let’s see.”

“I don’t like when you use socks in bed.” You spat “It’s really uncomfortable and you end up taking them off in the middle of the night.”

Now Yoongi was surprised, he never thought you were so bothered about his socks.

“Are you serious?” He questioned, but you seemed really sure of your statement.

“I’m serious.” You confirmed. “You do it especially at my apartment, you never care to look for them after you take them off and they just stay in the sheets until I find them. Do you know how many of your pairs of socks I have in my closet?”

Your boyfriend frowned at the question. He always bragged about being an organized person, what do you mean he has been forgetting socks at your place? What do you mean he never noticed?

“You don’t like when I wear socks to sleep?” He checked again, only for you to confirm it once again by shaking your head. “That doesn’t sound like a secret, that just sounds like you have a problem with me wearing socks when we sleep.”

You rolled your eyes “I get that you have cold feet, but once you are under the covers they get warm, you should know that since you take them off in the middle of the night.”

“Are you asking me to stop wearing socks in bed?” He asked, pretending to be offended. Of course you were too drunk to notice that, and even if he was almost completely sober, he seemed to be infected with your drunkenness as he spent more time beside you. The conversation began to sound silly, but he couldn’t stop pushing the topic. Was it so wrong that he forgot his socks between your sheets?

“I’m not asking you anything.” You whined, throwing your head back against his shoulder. “I’m just telling you my second secret.”

Yoongi scrunched his nose. “Your secrets are not really secrets, baby.” He said, making you roll your eyes again.

“Whatever, that’s all you’re gonna get.”

“Mmm, no. You still have one left.” He reminded you.

You raised your chin, realizing he was right.

Even drunk you could remember that there was a cabinet of secrets that you couldn’t say out loud, not even to Yoongi, like Jungkook’s plan or the things that made you jealous, they were things that maybe you were not ready to tell him yet, not because of him but because you really believed you should keep a few things for yourself. As he booped your nose with the tip of his finger, you thought that you could share at least one of that kind.

“Fine, but don’t laugh at me.” You warned him.

He raised both hands, claiming to be innocent. “I would never.” He assured you.

You squint, but in the end you just said it. “I like babies, I want one someday.” You confessed “Maybe a boy, but I’m fine with anything. I want to raise them in a house with a backyard in a pool. I never had a pool and my backyard was scary as hell, the grass was as tall as me.”

That did sound like a secret to Yoongi, he never knew about that. He stayed there, feeling like the blood drained from his face, even if he wanted to make fun of you, those words were now stuck on his throat. Surprised that having a baby was an illusion of yours, he didn’t know how he never noticed. He saw you cooing at babies on the street and how you were always so good tutoring middle school kids back when you hadn't graduated yet, but the thought never crossed his mind, he never saw you that way.

“You want to be a mother?” He asked. It seemed like you generated a short circuit in his brain.

“Yes, that’s what it means to have a baby.” You said.

“But when?” He continued to ask, almost worried. You laughed at that, of course you didn’t mean now.

“Someday, I don’t know. When I get the house with the pool, maybe when I find someone that wants a baby too.” You teased him, observing how he stopped looking surprised and he began to look upset.

“What do you mean when you find someone?” He protested. “I’m right here!”

“Mmm, I’m not sure about that.” You said, turning around to face him. He grabbed your waist, pulling you closer, if that was possible. “Do you want a baby, bubba?”

“Yes.” He affirmed without hesitation. “I want a baby if it’s with you.”

“Are you sure?” You asked, intertwining your fingers in the back of his neck “You don’t just say that to a girl.”

You were right, people just don’t say that to girls, but you weren’t just a girl for him. Right there, wrapped around your fingers, he felt his heart hammering against his chest, he never had that kind of conversation with anyone else, he wondered if any of his past girlfriends ever thought about sharing more than the present with him. Yoongi didn’t want to keep living in the past, but he couldn’t help but think about how different it was with you, even if it was terrifying to think that someone could trust him with being… a dad, that sounded so weird. The idea of having a kid was maybe years away from that moment, he couldn’t even grasp it. Babies were the epitome of fear for him, but he smiled at the thought that you had been thinking about it, it warmed his heart to think that you included him in the picture.

Yoongi couldn’t even think about the future without feeling dizzy, he was happy being your boyfriend, but it was like you pinched him and woke him up with that secret, was that what he wanted all this time? Maybe.

Being fair, he thought he should confess something as well.

“You aren’t just any girl to me.” He said “You’re the girl I love, the love of my life.”

Suddenly, you felt your heart dropping to your stomach “Am I?” You managed to ask.

Being in love was a curse, being in love with Yoongi was even worse. After eight months of dating him you still melted like butter when he opened his mouth and dropped the sweetest sentence he could ever say.

“Of course, I fought a lot with myself to figure that out, so I won’t back down now.” He murmured.

“I’m glad that you won, then.” You chuckled, leaving a peck on his lips.

He grabbed your face to keep you close to him and looked you straight in the eye, not willing to let it go yet. “Baby, please.” He asked, low enough so only you could hear him “Don’t have a baby with anyone else.”

You bit back a smile, trying to be serious. “I can promise that if you promise not to tell anyone my secrets.”

Yoongi nodded repeatedly, “I can promise that.”

Good thing that a friend knew how to keep secrets.

Now the bottle of wine was empty and your head began to spin more than before, it was about time that you vomited your last words of the night.

“And by the way,” You said, catching his attention with your sleepy voice “I feel like you’re the love of my life too.”

What would Yoongi of the past think of the Yoongi that was seated next to you now? He wouldn’t believe he was now hanging by a thread, hoping that your next words wouldn’t be your last and being so in love that his heart was about to give up. That's how it felt to listen to you, drunk and tired, confessing once again your love for him.

“How is it that you feel it?” He asked, curious enough to let his mind speak for him.

“Do you think it’s too early to tell?” You wondered out loud. “I never loved anyone like you, I don’t think this would ever happen to me again. I just feel it on my chest.”

That made sense, Yoongi felt it on his chest too. He didn’t want the feeling to wear off as one month faded into another, but it stayed, he guessed you were the reason. There wasn’t a trace of doubt in your eyes, he could only hope you saw the same thing in him.

Home

Fridays were always the same since you started at your new teaching job at a high school near Yoongi’s apartment, you woke up in your bed, took the subway, tried to finish your hours peacefully and visited Yoongi to have dinner with him.

This time was different, you took the subway back home and tried not to look at your phone.

You reminded yourself that fights in relationships were normal, but you didn’t expect Yoongi to still be mad after three days. After the big fight you had that night that made you think you wouldn’t see him again, you decided to communicate better, to talk things before exploding, so you didn’t have big fights since then, maybe silly ones about house rules or tiny discussions that were long forgotten within an hour, but never three days.

If you ever thought that Yoongi could not be any more stubborn, you were wrong.

It started on wednesday, when you came to visit like every other day, but he seemed to be drowning in his thoughts, dragging his feet and zoning out every five minutes without realizing. It was not about work, that much you knew, there was something else in his mind, but he didn’t say a word about it.

When you began washing the dishes, he stood by your side, quiet as ever, letting you do all the talking about your day and hardly answering your questions. You were almost sure you had nothing to do with his mood, if something was bothering him he was the first one to bring it up, but this was not the case. He usually saved these moments to tell you something about his week as he waited for you to finish, he struggled to get the words out, but at the end he just said it.

It turned out that Yoongi had some trouble with some deal he closed a few weeks ago, he had been offered to make an appearance at a rap show that was being held a month from now, someone had stepped down last minute and he was offered the spot. He would love to do it, the only reason he wasn’t part of the initial line up was because he had a break planned for this time of the year.

Yoongi had said yes, signed the contract, closed the deal, and the next week found out by Hoseok that none other than Park Jimin was hosting the event. Once again, Yoongi felt like a coward, wanting to call it quits and forget about the whole thing. All of his friends who were going to be part of the show laughed at him for not being aware that his ex best friend was hosting and was also one of the headliners, but these weeks Yoongi had been too caught up with normal life to know who was performing at a show he wasn’t going to be part of to begin with, and yes, maybe he was going to go since he was probably going to get free tickets from his friends who were performing, like Namjoon or Hoseok.

He felt like someone slapped him on the face when he realized he was an adult and couldn’t run away just because Jimin was part of the event.

You knew Jimin and Yoongi's history too well, they met each other as soon as Yoongi arrived to Seoul when he was seventeen, he was still renting recording studios per hour, selling his tracks for cheap prices to pay the rent of the dorm that shared with Seokjin and working full time delivering pizza. Jimin was an aspiring dancer and singer, it was like underdogs seemed to find each other in the streets of Seoul, when Jimin met Yoongi no one could separate him from his older friend.

Ten years of friendship didn’t disappear just like that, Yoongi began to distance himself from everybody as soon as Dasom, his ex girlfriend, started to have problems and her addiction became worse, mostly from Jimin.

Maybe Jimin had a list of reasons that made him want stop seeing Yoongi for good, reasons that chased Yoongi in his sleep every october when he knew Jimin’s birthday was approaching, but he knew that Jimin’s last straw was when Dasom was too drunk at a gathering full of his friends and began to make Jimin uncomfortable when she began to crack jokes about cancer. Dasom was always known for his “dark humor” and not being politically correct, but no one expected her to make those jokes when one of Jimin’s closest friends had passed away of that same disease not even a year ago. Jimin stormed out of the room, having Yoongi follow him to try and talk to him. Back then Yoongi thought Dasom was too overtaken by his addiction to even understand what she was saying, but Jimin knew she never liked the relationship he had with Yoongi, she was jealous she didn’t take all the attention from him, the same happened with his brother and family. Yoongi didn’t want to see it, he wasn’t trying to defend her but he asked him not to pay her attention. Jimin couldn’t do that, he was heartbroken, not hurt by Dasom but hurt by his friend’s words, he wished Yoongi would have stood up for him, said something since his words got stuck in his throat as he expected someone to say anything because he couldn’t utter a word. Yoongi regretted it every night, he will always remember how Jimin said that Dasom had always been horrible as a person, she always made those kinds of jokes and Yoongi just tried to ignore them because he loved her, this wasn’t nothing new of her. That was the last time they talked, even if Yoongi tried to call him, Jimin was determined not to see him ever again, too hurt to even think of talking to him again.

Still so stubborn, that wednesday night, after he vomited all his thoughts, he hoped for you to say that he should go to the show, and that he shouldn’t be uncomfortable around Jimin, he hoped to hear you saying that even if it was bad that he defended Dasom in that situation, Jimin should’ve understood that Yoongi was in a shitty place and couldn’t be in the middle of the two of them. Imagine how upset he was when you told him that you understood his position back then, but maybe he should consider calling Jimin before overthinking the whole situation and figure things out with him, he should at least try, maybe something good could come out of it.

Yoongi was not happy with that answer, he just wanted to hear you say something that just magically would make him feel okay, he was terrified of facing Jimin after so many years. The outcome was different, he went asleep upset and stopped texting after you left for work the next day.

You weren’t mad at him, he needed time to think, you knew that he just wanted someone to endorse his stubborn behavior of running away from his problems.

That night you ate alone, Nayeon was suspiciously out (not to party) for the fourth friday this month, so you were on your own. There were no texts from anybody on your phone, no missed calls, no instagram messages of cat videos, no invitations to a party, not even a mail from the school. Being a substitute teacher wasn’t so hard for now, you had taken the job of a teacher who had a maternity leave, but you supposed she was a workaholic since she sent you the full schedule for the rest of the school year, so that left you with almost no work for the weekend expect for the papers you had to grade.

Embracing your loneliness, you took out a pot of ice cream and put on a movie for the rest of the night.

You thought that a night without you wouldn’t kill Yoongi, but as your eyes started to close and the movie was coming to an end, the sound of your vibrating phone startled you from your sleep. It was past midnight when Yoongi called you.

“Hello?” You answered, your sleepy voice reaching the other line.

“Were you sleeping?” He asked, without even saying hi.

“No, I’m in a club and came to the bathroom to answer.” You teased him, you could almost see how he rolled his eyes.

“Ha-ha, so funny.” He said. “What were you doing?” His voice was soft, being careful knowing you hadn’t spoken since you left his house.

“Just watching a movie, about to sleep, actually.”

There was a few seconds of silence on his line, but then, he made the question he was planning to ask when he called. “Why didn't you come home today?”

“I have a home of my own, actually.” You said, not breaking character.

“You know what I mean.” He insisted.

“I just didn’t think you wanted me there today.” You were just saying that to talk about the topic, sometimes Yoongi believed he could get away from trouble without facing it first.

“Don’t be silly, I always want you here.”

You rolled in bed, looking at the window to check if it was raining yet, but it wasn’t, though the sky looked like it was about to.

“I don’t know about that.” You said in a high pitch. “I was getting another message when you stopped texting yesterday.”

Yoongi was still not ready to admit he got mad at you.

“I guess we’re from different generations, I’m not on my phone all the time like you.” He tried to defend himself.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” You huffed. “We’re not from different generations when you ask for nudes in the middle of the night, aren’t we?”

You heard Yoongi almost choking, struggling to find words to fight you back on the other line.

“Fine.” He said, giving up “You’re right, I’m sorry for not texting. And I’m sorry for getting mad at you, I wasn’t ready to hear what you said, I just needed some time alone.”

You sighed, hearing how the rain began to hit against your window.

“It’s okay, I understand.” You told him “You can take your time, just don’t lock yourself alone in your room forever.”

Yoongi smiled as he laid on his bed, wishing you were there with him. “Can’t promise that.” He joked, making you laugh.

There was a moment of silence between the two of you, the sound of the rain filling the room as you waited for the other one to say something else.

“What were you doing awake this late, grandpa?” You murmured, wrapping yourself in the blankets once again.

“I wanted to talk to you, to say sorry, tell you something.” He answered, making you curious.

“What you wanted to tell me?”

“I’ve been thinking about what you said, about calling Jimin.” He said “I don’t know, I was not ready to consider that, not ready to get rejected by him.”

“Things can always be different.” You encouraged him.

“Well, yes. I know, but my mind works in strange ways.” He laughed, you sensed a bit of wavering in his voice “I made a decision today and I called him, just got off the phone with him.”

You gasped, startling him from the other side of the phone. “Really?” You almost yelled, the excitement leaking from your voice. “What did you say? What did he say?”

“Not as much as I would want to, I told Namjoon to get me his number and he did, I spent the whole day thinking of what should I say, imagining what he would tell me” He replied “He picked up, didn’t sound angry or mad, just surprised… I told him I regretted taking so long, he told me it was okay, we talked for about an hour without thinking about our fight, I actually talked him about you.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, I told him you were the one who pushed me to call him, and then decided to meet to… talk properly.” It took almost three years for Yoongi to make that call, and Jimin only seemed to be struck by nostalgia when he heard Yoongi’s voice, he hadn’t stopped thinking about his friend either. It was weird, it wasn’t like he wasn’t angry anymore, but both regretted how things ended. Yoongi didn’t know that, for some reason, he thought that for Jimin it was easier to forget about him.

“Oh, baby, I’m so happy for you.” You said in a high pitched voice. “Everything will work out fine, I know it because you deserve it.”

“I hope it works out too.” He murmured under his breath. “I just wanted to thank you, I guess you were right. You are always right, it’s annoying.”

“You should get used to it already.”

“Yeah, I suppose I should.” He said, you could almost hear him smile. “I’m still upset that you didn’t come home, we could still be mad at each other while cuddling.”

“Mmm, I don’t know about that.” You laughed just by thinking of that situation “I’m having a pretty good time in my bed without your big feet taking up all the space.”

“That’s rude.” He sounded offended. “I’m sure you like my big feet.”

“Oh my god, gross, shut up.” You said, scrunching your nose.

“Whatever, I’m just saying… You should drop by.”

“Now?” You asked, “It already started to rain.”

“I’ll send an uber.” He offered.

“How romantic, I thought you were going to come pick me up.” You kept teasing him.

“The car is in the garage and I’m on my bed already, romanticism can wait until you get here.” He tried to convince you without much success.

“I don’t see why you should stay comfortable on your bed and I should go to you.”

“Because you love me, I don’t know.” He chuckled “C’mon, baby, I just want to sleep with you tonight, in my bed.”

He didn’t need to beg too much before you folded, it didn’t take much to convince you when he said he was going to pay the uber, so you put on a hoodie and your flip flops and waited for the uber at your doorstep.

“Were you just booty calling me?” You managed to get out, shifting in your place as you laid under him, grabbing his shoulders to gain some balance.

This was supposed to be a cold rainy night, you were supposed to get in Yoongi’s bed and cuddle before falling asleep. That was the usual routine of fridays, you visited him after work and took a nap before dinner was ready, you left parties and meetings with your friends for the weekends, friday nights were to rest. You began to believe that you spent too much time next to Yoongi the way you refused to leave the house after ten pm, especially during winter.

You knew him too well not to notice how the situation was getting sidetracked the more time you spent together in that bed. He hugged you and showered you with kisses as he apologized for not texting or calling once again, asking you about your day and talking about Jimin a little bit more before his kisses began to trail down your neck and his warm hands sneaked under your big shirt, pulling you closer to catch your lips between his teeth.

“Don’t say that.” He groaned, thrusting languidly inside you as his fingers dug into the skin of your hips, setting a slow pace “I just missed you.”

Shutting you up with a kiss, you knew it was one of those nights for Yoongi. You didn’t know if you finally managed to break him at times, but there were nights like these when he couldn’t help but show how maniacally in love he was. He got rid of your clothes and took all the time in the world just for you, burying his head in your neck, being patient and careful, sucking love bites on your chest, showering you in praises and sweet words, fucking you deep and slow as he tried to prolong the feeling of your walls dragging up and down his cock for as long as possible.

He loved to tease and play with you, but he discovered he also loved giving you what you wanted just how you wanted, hearing you purr in his ear and sigh in relief as he sank himself inside your pussy, running his hands all over you body and fucking you lazily enough for you not to know when your orgasm was about to hit.

Arching your back, you pressed your body against him to meet his hips with urgency. He had been drilling in and out of you for a hot minute now, you began to feel your body becoming hotter, or maybe it was just his body, burning on top of you as he rolled his hips against you, responding to your body in an attempt to drive you insane.

“My sweet girl.” He murmured, brushing his lips against your own “Made just for me, always fitting me so well.”

He stole a kiss from your swollen lips, opening your mouth to slip his tongue inside, sucking on your tongue until you forgot how to kiss him properly and moaning on his mouth.

You felt yourself getting tighter around him, you supposed that by now you were well adjusted to his body but every time you seemed to be wrong. You felt his skin brushing over your clit and his body getting heavier on top of you, your orgasm began to build so slowly that you almost didn’t notice it, “I think I’m close.” You cried, digging your fingers into his shoulders.

He nodded, kissing your forehead “I know, baby. I’m close too.” He breathed out, his hand reaching for one of your hands to intertwine your fingers with him. “Where do you want it?” He asked.

“Just… inside me, please.” You pleaded, too intoxicated to think of anything else. He already knew your answer, but your words made his cock throb inside you anyway, making you shut your eyes closed, overwhelmed as he pounded inside you, picking up a faster pace.

It didn’t go unnoticed to Yoongi how in love he felt that night, he was sure that your whines and the little sounds you made were going to chase him in his sleep for a whole week, echoing through his mind, making him wake up in the middle of the night feeling like his skins was on fire. His mind didn’t make fully sense that you were his, so he had to repeat it out loud to you all the time. “Mmm, do you want me to fill you up?” His voice sounded raspy, meaning that he was in the same position as you, he could barely handle the way you were clenching around him.

You nodded repeatedly, not willing to open your mouth in case your voice failed you, but Yongi got drunk with the expression on your face, your mouth hanging open as you moaned, your hooded eyes fighting to see him clearly and your swollen lips just begging to be bit. You squeezed his hand, letting him know you were just a second to come undone, “Baby I’m- Shit, shit, shit.” Your words were cut by the feeling of shock waves of pleasure washing all over your body, sobbing his name as he helped you ride your climax, pounding in and out of your cunt as your whole body shivered.

“You did so well, baby.” He hissed, thrusting for the last time, urging to reach his own climax “Such a good girl.”

Just the sound of you sobbing his name was enough for him to finally snap, spilling himself inside you as he groaned your name, pounding inside you for the last time before he carefully removed himself from you, crumbling on top of you.

Yoongi looked at you, with eyes full of love, about to fall asleep. “You’re so cute.” He murmured, leaving a small kiss on your shoulder “And this wasn’t a booty call.” He cared to clarify once again. You ran your fingers through his hair, laughing. “Sometimes things turn out like this.”

“Yeah, I know, I was just teasing you.” You guaranteed him, kissing the tip of his nose.

“This is not fair, anyway.” He complained “If I want to see you in the middle of the night you have to take an uber to see me, it’s not fair.”

“I live only twenty minutes away, Yoongi.” You reminded him, but he didn’t like that answer, he rolled his eyes.

“I want you to live zero seconds away.” You heard him mumble against your neck “I don’t like this anymore.”

“What is that you don’t like?” You inquired, pulling away to see him properly.

“That you spend more time with Nayeon than with me.” He explained, making you giggle.

“Well, but someone has to pay the other half of the rent.” You said.

He huffed, grazing your fingers over your face “Mmm, I don’t care about that. I just don’t like you being away for so long.”

“For so long?” You repeated, laughing at him “Three days is that long?”

Of course it was, you knew it.

“Three days is eternity, baby.” He groaned, closing his eyes shut “I want to come home to you, don’t you?”

You tried to ignore your heart hammering against your ribcage, “I miss you all the time when you’re not with me,” You confessed, a smirk tugged from the corner of his lips, he looked at you for a second and then scoffed.

“You’re so cheesy.” He blurted out. You wasted no time in punching his arm, making him groan.

“And you’re so mean.” You complained “Don’t you miss me all the time as well?”

As much as Yoongi liked to tease you, you were right. “Yes, I do, I miss you all the time.” He admitted “I miss you right now knowing you will leave me tomorrow.”

“At least I can promise that I’ll text you.” You kept teasing him, but he was very persistent about his argument, he didn’t want to hear any of that.

“No, I don’t want you texting me.” He murmured, pulling you by your waist to press you to his bare torso. “Move in with me, baby.”

Yoongi watched your eyes widen in surprise, not knowing if he was serious.

“You want me to live with you here?” You asked, just in case.

“Yeah, this is basically your home too.”

“But what if you get sick of me?” You tried to argue, half joking, half being honest “What if you don’t like how I make the bed and how I fold my clothes?”

Yoongi squinted his eyes, wondering if that was a real concern of yours “I think we can figure that out along the way.”

You didn’t miss the feeling on your stomach when you thought about living here with him. You had been sharing lives for quite some time now, when he wasn’t at your apartment you were here, when you weren’t sleeping on his bed, he was sleeping in yours, but the routine of everyday was different, Nayeon was always around and you couldn’t act like the apartment was all yours. On the other hand, you could wander around freely at Yoongi’s apartment, you could wake up in your underwear and walk around the house as you prepared breakfast without problem, could dance in the kitchen without fearing that someone would catch you and hang out in the living room for as long as you wanted. But apart from that, waking up next to Yoongi every morning sounded really nice, he felt more like home than anybody else.

“Okay, deal.” You said “But I think I will miss sleeping with you in my bed.”

Yoongi snorts, mocking you. “Yeah, sure. Good thing I won’t.”

It was sad for you to see your bed go when someone who wanted to buy it on Facebook Marketplace came to pick it up by the end of the month, but it only meant a new start. You didn’t have many things, most of the furniture in the apartment belonged to Nayeon, including the couch where you had sex with Yoongi multiple times, poor her, she didn’t need to know how many times it happened.

But anyway, after that, there were many things to be excited about, at first it was your promotion as a titular teacher, there was family and friends and Holly, there was shared bottles of wine and summer nights, music and books, movies and food, there was holding hands during long walks in winter and calling in sick when it’s raining, and at the end of the day, there was always him.

Yoongi had wandered the world feeling like he was different for so many years, he resented the people that passed by on the street, thinking they had any kind of blame that he couldn’t stand living in his own skin, with a frown on his face, a hot black coffee without sugar on his hand and a bad attitude on the mornings, he believed himself to be disconnected from this world. Yoongi didn’t like his birthday, hated taking the bus, hated taxis, hated rainy and sunny days, hated flowers, they were for the death. He waited all year to get on stage and forget about all the people that he had hurt and all the people that hurt him, almost feeling like his life was slipping through his fingers. It was embarrassing to even admit that that only changed when he fell in love with you.

Love? He didn’t know a proper definition for that word, he just know he liked his birthday if you were going to be there, took the bus or a taxi if you were going to make him company, he liked rainy days if he was going to be cuddled in his bed with you, and sunny days didn’t seem so bad if you were beside him when he took Holly for a walk. He even started to like flowers when you bought a tulip for him on the first day of spring.

He wasn’t so different from everybody else, but maybe you were the different one, putting a smile on every situation and being optimistic, adoring your job, loving sugar, laughing at everyone’s jokes, even if they were bad. You had an efficiency to escape from the bureaucracy of school, work, society, life, how come he hadn't met you before?

He spent months trying to run away from you only to find out that he encountered you in every corner of his mind, in every corner of his bed, in every corner of his life. He was a fool if he thought he was the one keeping you, you were the one who decided to keep him.

Well, as you went on kissing him goodbye every morning, sharing baths with him after a long day, buying him tulips on spring days, Yoongi thought that as long as you were there, he should be okay.

taglist: @rvelvett @kimseokjinbangtan @minmin2022 @minvlush @bids97 @cowboylikevicky @jiimtaee @jjkmspace @localmoonchild @youre-on-your-ownkid @tarahardcore @kookstempo @yoongimentita7 @jwlmnbt @almosttoopizza @floriiansgrave @damn-u-min-yoongi @starbtslove @pelicanpizza @deliciouslydisturbed365 @g0lden-sunset @side-effectss @iwishselena @rosquilleta @funsizemarsbar92 @cosmiclatte-world @miss-jupiter @linosluna @staradorned @bxcndd

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10.5: love 》 series m.list

note: we made it !!! i am so incredibly grateful for everyone's love and support with c2u <3 meeting u all was so fun ,, answering ur asks and interacting thru comments truly made my day ! i'm glad i was able to share this silly goofy concept and have it well received . as usual ,, please lmk ur thots !!! i have 3 extras that will be posted soon (ie: their first hook up, a comfort scenario, and one final smut extra) so please look forward to those !!! thank u for ur patience ,, all the love 💗

warnings: sex tape vibes (kind of), pussy eating (nom nom), fucking LOL ... dirty talk & creampie! easy shit yk? lmaoo

taglist request: CLOSED

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar

//

As much as Jungkook loves to play soccer for the glory, he loves it best alone. 

When the bleachers are empty and the field is wide and free—that’s when he feels the most love for his sport. To others, it comes off as lonely and sad but to him; it’s serenity. Sometimes, it’s the only place he feels like he can truly be himself. It’s a place where he doesn’t have to be anything to anyone. It’s a place where he can be lost and found at the same time. It’s also his go-to place when he can’t sleep. Jungkook hasn’t slept well in weeks. He figured it was time to be in his own space.

His haven. 

His favourite part has got to be when he plays so hard that he doesn’t even notice the world is waking up. The moment Jungkook looks up and sees the sunrise—he always gets this feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’s an easiness that can’t be explained.

It’s an incredible relief. 

When he sees the sun, he stops playing. He takes a break and sits down to watch the sun bloom on the horizon. There’s so much bliss in the stillness of the world. He feels so much clarity when it’s just him, the net, and the ball. It’s like nothing else matters and his mind can focus on one thing: winning.

Jungkook has only done these late-night sessions a handful of times in his life. 

The first time was the day before Uni tryouts and he doubted his talent. Everyone kept telling him he had nothing to worry about, but that didn’t make him feel any better. To Jungkook, his luck was just like everybody’s. He was afraid of it not coming through when he needed it the most. Therefore, he worked his ass off regardless of his luck history. 

Note: Jungkook was the first in his year to get in. 

The second time was when he fucked up at a game and cost his team a minor setback. It wasn’t the end of the world—he just felt like shit.

The third time was the day he redeemed himself and scored the winning goal that got the team to championships. It was the best game he had in a while. It was also the first time felt tired of it. Tired of the game, tired of the play… Just tired. 

The fourth time was when he decided to take a break from soccer and tend to his burnout… Eventually, he came back after a few months. Of course, he did. He loves soccer more than anything in the world…

That was until you.

He didn’t go back to the field and have a session to himself to celebrate. No, he celebrated with you instead. You didn’t know and he never told you… But that’s what he did. The first day he came back to soccer, he went to you right after. With you, he found rest. 

That’s when he realized something… 

He wasn’t tired anymore.

At least, whenever he was with you.

He wasn’t tired. That’s all he could really ask for, right? To fall in love with someone that was his safety net. 

The fifth time would be today. 

Jungkook has been out here since 3AM, kicking the ball and practicing drills. It upset him, to be honest. He thought being here would help ease his heart. Everything feels so clogged up and messy to him. It’s like no matter what he does to try to clean up his mess, everything stains. So, he thinks to himself that maybe if he ran enough laps or kicked the ball hard enough—it would stop.

The mess. 

The yearning.

The loving. 

But it doesn’t.

No, instead his heart continues to ache. As he clenches it every so often, he thinks of you. Then, for a second, his heart is still. In the stillness, he tries to think of good things around him. 

At least the rain wasn’t pouring as hard as it was an hour ago.

At least the sun is coming up and it’s a new day. 

At least you were here—

Wait. 

You’re here?

Jungkook rubs his eyes. Partly due to disbelief and partly because the rain made it hard to see you clearly. Yet, somehow… In his heart, he knows it. He knows it’s you. 

How’d you know where he was? More importantly, why are you here? 

Why was his heart racing so fast again? 

Be still. 

He isn’t sure of what to do. Should he wave? Should he call your name? Are you here on accident? 

Considering it’s almost 6AM… It can’t be an accident, right?

Just as much as Jungkook’s head begins to fill with questions, yours does too. As you walk closer and closer to him, you can’t help but only hear your heartbeat pound louder and louder. Is this normal? To feel like your heart could jump out of your chest if it meant getting to him faster? You let your mind spin. 

Why the fuck are you here? 

What are you doing again?

Did you write everything down?

You sure felt a lot braver ten minutes ago… Suddenly, seeing him has made you doubt all the courage you worked to have for this moment. At the same time, the complex feeling of pure happiness and relief blossoms. You can’t help but smile at the sight of him. There’s a stillness in the world and it’s only when you look at him and it’s good. You know that now… But oh my god. 

You’re about to lose your shit. 

How did you get here?

When did it all begin? 

Was it from the first night you two slept together? Or was it the karaoke night when you realized you were waiting for him to kiss you? Could it be time he fucked you in front of your mirror and you vowed to never drink coffee before meeting up with him ever again? 

… No. 

Maybe it was when Mina came along. 

You gave him a blowjob just to stall him from going (bad move, by the way. That was pretty bitchy). Oh, and we can’t forget about the time you craved him when you were drunk out of your mind and all he did was take care of you. Half asleep, you woke up to him mounting your mirror on the wall… And well, maybe…

Maybe it was then. 

When he fixed your mirror, he fixed your heart. 

That’s probably why the time you two hooked up in his bedroom at the party felt so right. It was finally clicking.

You were into him then.

You just didn’t know how to admit it. Then, it got fucked up because you were caught off guard. 

The perilla leaf.

The exile. 

The hate sex. 

Everything good and bad has led to this moment and you can’t help but feel like you’re falling apart. Finding the origin of it all feels exhausting… In your head, you debate it all. In your heart, you’ve always known. 

You see, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

The friendship, the sleeping with him, the hurting him—the loving him… It wasn’t supposed to do this to you. You aren’t supposed to be this nervous and so impatient at the same time. You aren’t supposed to feel this stupid either… 

But you do. 

… And that’s okay. 

Sometimes, with love, you’re going to feel a little stupid. You just have to cross your fingers and hope the person you’re being stupid for is just as stupid as you. 

In your case… There’s a good chance he is. 

As you stand on the sidelines, Jungkook places his hand over his eyes to see you clearer. He tilts his head in confusion as you drop your bag. 

Then, just like that…

It happens. 

His thoughts pause, his heart goes still for the nth time, and his world slows down as he takes in the sight of you. Nothing will ever be better than this. The same way he feels an ease when he watches the sunrise—he feels it as he looks at you right now. 

God, he loves you so much. 

He has known it for so long but this… You in this moment; it’s bliss. 

Complete and utter bliss. 

If that isn’t enough… His heart is completely undone the moment he realizes two things: one, you’re wearing his jersey, and two; you’re holding a towel in your arms for him. He can’t help but let a laugh escape his lips. All that shit you said about how you would never be a part of his fan club and how you could never be that girl…

Oh, this is gold. 

Honestly, it’s more than enough. For you to show up and make this effort—it fills his heart. Yet, you’re you. Always full of surprises and ways of making his heart go on overdrive. As he sinks in his thoughts and soaks this moment in; he watches you take a deep breath. Then, slowly but surely, you extend your hand out to him. 

It’s then when he knows it. 

The wait was worth it.

The wait is over.

You and Jungkook sit on a bench, under the technical area’s cover. For a while, you two watch the sunrise in silence. Both too afraid to say anything to ruin the moment—both so undoubtedly in love. Once the sun is fully up, you brace yourself. 

This is it. 

Jungkook turns to you, chasing your eyes. 

“You nervous or something?” he jokes, as he begins to dry his hair with the towel you placed around his neck. 

“Yeah,” you confide. “Am I doing this right?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as you scoot closer to him and take the towel. In your continued silence, you take over and start to dry his hair. Scrunching the towel, you pat dry his neck and cheeks. He gulps, unsure of what to do… He likes it though. He likes that you’re taking care of him and that you’re trying. He knows you are. 

As you pat dry him, you try to find your words. It takes a moment, but you think to yourself… It’s now or never, right? You’re already here. You’ve already folded. 

It catches Jungkook off guard when you suddenly tug him close. Putting the towel aside, you cup his cheeks with your hands. Your hands are cold, but he doesn’t mind. If anything, he’s holding himself back from kissing them. With a pout on your lips, you begin your confession. 

“I hate being your friend.” 

Jungkook squints at you and chuckles. He removes your hands from his cheeks, smirking at you. “What bullshit are you on now? Didn’t we agree on—”

“I never agreed,” your eyebrows knit together. “It’s been like… A day and a half and I’m going crazy being your stupid friend.”

“Fine,” he snaps. “Enemies?”

His suggestion annoys you.

You lift your hand to hit him, but he catches your wrist. Then, he opens his hands for you. You sigh teasingly but take it. Intertwining your fingers together, you two sit in silence again for a moment. 

Holding hands, watching as the rain pours, and preparing to give your hearts to one another… It feels like this could be a dream.

“Tae and Yuna, ” you begin, breaking the silence. Your voice sounds weary and desperate. “They’ve been friends since the very beginning. He always had feelings for her and she did too… But she didn’t do anything about it until it was too late. He’s dating Mina’s friend now or something—it’s so messed up. It’s so unfair, y-you know? They deserve each other so much and I—”

“Breathe,” Jungkook comforts you. “They’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t want that to be us,” you blurt. 

Jungkook blinks at you. 

“It’s so scary. Jungkook, I don’t want that to be us… B-but it is us, isn’t it? Y-you hate me because of—“

His eyebrows knit together. “___, I don’t hate you. Don’t say that.”

Your lips quiver, unsure of how to navigate through this talk. Maybe you should have planned it better. Maybe you should have written this whole speech out instead of word-vomiting like this… But that’s the thing. 

You aren’t good at this.

Regardless, you’ll try for him.

“I’ve been selfish,” you admit, letting your eyes dart to the field. You can’t look at him. It feels too overwhelming to.  “I’ve been inconsiderate and I know I can’t justify my actions because they hurt you—I just need you to know that I was scared. It was so scary trusting you, falling asleep beside you, and waking up next to you. It was so scary watching you laugh with other girls and not knowing how to tell you how I felt… I’m sorry I started fights while trying to figure out how I felt about myself… Honestly? I think I was so scared because you made it so easy.”

A beat.

“T-the truth is… I’ve always known how I felt about you.” 

Jungkook can’t help but smile. He wonders if you know what you’re doing to him… Do you? He’s afraid you don’t.

“Really?” he pries, moving closer to you. “How do you feel about me?”

Attempting to be intimidating, you turn to face him with a glare. 

“D-don’t push it.”

Jungkook pouts. “But I want to know… Please, please, please?”

For a moment you contemplate. Then, you look at him and take it all in. His wet hair, soft eyes, and pouting lips… How were you ever strong enough to say no to him before? Truly, you’re a changed woman.

Curling your fist, you shut your eyes and say it. You tell him the whole truth. 

You give him your heart. 

“You said you got ahead of yourself… But have you ever considered that I was beside you the entire time? L-like you said you’ve had feelings for me since the first time you made me laugh… Me too. I knew it then too. I just didn’t know what to do because every time I dated guys, it all felt the same… With you, it was different from the start. I don’t know how to explain it… All I know is that I like you in every way it’s possible to like someone—I like you. My heart has been yours all along. I’m sorry it took me so long to give it to you. It just felt like everything with you kept falling into place and I was terrified I was f-falling too… I think—n-no, I… Umm, I know that I…”

Something others may not know about Jungkook is that he’s consistently bad at one thing. That one thing is playing it cool when it comes to you. He has to fight his inner demons to stop himself from professing his love for you every 10 minutes. So, it would be a lie that he wasn’t loving this. He loves watching you feel what he feels. 

Your words, sweet and well-awaited, completely captivate him. 

He can’t help it when you’re like this. So perfect, so cute, so his. He can’t resist!

Which is why he kisses you mid-confession. 

Jungkook kisses you slowly and deeply. Like never before, you lose your breath from how passionately he kisses you. Once you two pull away, he rests his forehead against yours. Smiling, he sneaks in a couple more kisses. 

Timidly, you say, “So… You aren’t mad at me anymore?”

With a laugh, Jungkook shakes his head. “God, you drive me crazy.”

“So… That’s a no, right?” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes and purses his lips. You press your lips against them and kiss him once more. 

“___?”

“Y-yeah?”

“... I checked my phone a moment ago and Yuna ratted you out. She texted me like ten minutes before you came. Said if you don't show up I should knock on your door and fuck your feelings out of you.” You gasp, burying your face with your hands. Sighly dramatically, Jungkook makes a cheeky comment. “Once again, I waited for you.” 

You hit his chest playfully. In pure disbelief, you groan at him. “What? Y-you knew and still made me do the whole speech—”

"I didn’t know!” You ignore his claim. “Although, I wouldn't have had any issue fucking the feelings out of you—"

"Are you insane?" you fume. "I was literally sick to my stomach trying to get this confession thing done right!"

“I was excited!” He teases, and nudges you. You remain annoyed at him. Jungkook can’t help but find it cute. “Awh, ___! Come on. It’s not every day that a guy gets to see his girl in his jersey, holding a towel for him on the sidelines! Also… I just really wanted to see what all your fuss was about. I promise, I didn’t know.”

It’s too late. 

Just as you stand up and storm away from the embrassment, Jungkook catches up to you. Out on the field, the rain continues to pour on you two. Drying him off was useless if you were going to be this dramatic. 

As he catches your wrist, you shove him away and cross your arms. 

“I feel stupid,” you sigh. “Y-you knew how I felt about you. I was worried and anxious the entire time and y-you knew!” 

Jungkook shuts his eyes and can’t believe how feisty you are. It’s entertaining and frustrating at the same time. God, you were so complex… But at the same time, he knows you’re just afraid. This is you finding an out. This is also you trying to stay. 

He takes your hand. 

You don’t shake him off say anything. 

You let him take it. 

He holds it like it’s all he has ever wanted to do (it is all he has ever wanted to do).

“I didn’t know everything! Hey, the fuss was cute,” he ensures you. “Do it again.”

“No!” you cry, feeling your clothes start to stick to your skin. It’s pouring now and you instantly regret being dramatic.

Except, Jungkook looks so perfect. His hair is wet and his shirt is soaked so you can see the way his muscles curve. He’s so handsome that you have to gather all your strength as a woman to keep yourself from jumping on him.

“This shit is so hard!” you complain through the rain. “How did you do this? You confessed like every time we fucked—”

“Yah!” Jungkook warns, feeling a little embarrassed. Maybe he should be the one to storm away now…  “Be nice to me or else I’m about to reject you.”

You roll your eyes at him. Grabbing him by the collar, you tug him to your eye level. Happily, he complies. 

“Do it then,” you call his bluff. “Reject me right now.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, loving the way you look at him. He blinks at you slowly and bites his inner cheek. For a moment, he’s silent. You’d think he’s contemplating or something… But he’s not. He’s been sure about you since your first laugh, remember?

“Kinda cruel considering you’re all I’ve been waiting for,” Jungkook confesses, as he dips his head low and kisses you. 

As he kisses you, you squeeze his hand. Holding his hand tighter, he smiles into the kiss. The rain continues to pour, making everything feel unreal. As he pulls away, he looks at you the way he always has… This time, you get what Yuna was talking about.

The warmth in his gaze.

The love in it.

The you in it.

After what felt like endless heartache with other boys—this felt healing. 

This was yours. 

Him. 

And that’s when your heart tells you something you never knew… 

You waited well too. 

You two escape the rain and make it to your place.

In your bedroom, you quickly get undressed and sit in front of your mirror to dry your hair. Jungkook comes out of the washroom all clean. Passing by you, he plants a kiss on the top of your head. You watch from the mirror as he reaches inside your closet for one of his shirts. 

Your high from the moment at the field suddenly dies. Suddenly, you realize the confession wasn’t enough to move forward. For fucks sake, he has his clothes in your closet.

“Jungkook?” you ask cutely.

“Mhmm?” he responds as he dresses himself.

You almost choke on your words. “What are we?” 

He grins, coming back to you and swaying you side to side. Without batting an eye, he answers: “friends, of course!”

Instantly, you push him away. Your shoulders slump as you glare at him. He laughs his ass off, loving the way you reacted. When he calms down, he kneels in front of you and apologizes. 

“Okay, bestie,” you play along as he gets up. “Should we eat perilla leaves to celebrate?” 

Jungkook’s mouth drops. His eye practically twitches at the mention of perilla leaves.

Throwing his hands up dramatically, he cries, “Oh god... My girlfriend is so mean to me… She’s so hot, holy shit.”

Girlfriend.

That sounds about right.

He’s so big. 

Sometimes, you forget that.

It slips your mind because Jungkook has always been a giver. You never really had to worry about it being uncomfortable. He makes sure you cum first and always puts his needs above yours—tonight was a prime example of just that. 

As he towers over you, he leaves a trail of kisses from your neck to your lips. Each kiss is so soft and intimate, your pussy clenches at his very touch. It doesn’t help when he places his thumb on your clit, rubbing and stretching it out to stimulate you even more. As you moan into his ear, he feels shivers go down his back. 

You gasp as he bites your skin, enticing you to want him even more. 

“Jungkook,” you breathe, “put it in, please.”

“Mhmm,” he moves the hair strands on your face and kisses you. “Be good for me, okay? Be patient. Gonna fuck you good so I need you to be on your best behaviour.”

“B-best behaviour,” you repeat rather lewdly. “Okay… W-whatever you want, love. You have it. You have me.”

Love.

God, you and your fucking words.

Jungkook bites his bottom lip, trying his best to take his time. Truth be told, he wants to fuck you silly right now. He wants you so bad that your legs won’t work and he’ll have to tend to your soreness. He wants to fuck you so good that you scream his name and lose yourself in him… But he’ll take his time tonight. 

He wants to show you so much. He wants to show you how good he can make you feel. How you won’t ever regret your decision of being with him. He wants to show you what kind of man you chose and what kind of man you get to have.

A good man.

A man that has wanted you for so long that now that he has you—oh was he ready to drag it out.

Jungkook gently places his dick in between your folds. It’s hard and thick. You can feel it against your wet pussy and want nothing more than for him to put it in. Instead, Jungkook lifts himself and sits in between your legs. There, he holds the base of his cock and slaps it against your pussy. He rubs his cock up and down your folds. Then, he splits them open with his fingers and spits on it. He then spreads his spit with his cock. You feel so lucky when he pokes it inside once in a while. Like a tease, he takes it out so quickly that you begin to feel frustrated. 

“P-put it in, please…”

Jungkook smirks. 

“Put what in?”

You glare at him.

“Your hard, thick, stupid cock. Put it in my wet, needy, desperate pussy right now… Please?”

Jungkook lets out a sexy chuckle. “Not yet,” he tells you, as he fully stops. He then moves over and helps you sit up. Leaning against your headboard, he spreads your legs. Just when you think you can predict his next move, he reaches over to your nightstand and grabs his phone. Unlocking it, he passes it to you.

“Film me.”

You nod, following his orders.

Tapping record, you angle the camera to your pussy. You watch through the phone screen as Jungkook positions his face in between your legs. Gulping, you throw your head back as he makes his first lick. 

Jungkook holds onto your thighs, helping you keep your legs open. He digs himself into your pussy, devouring every inch of it. To deepen himself, he digs his nose in and curls his tongue as he licks you. When he pulls away for air, he sucks on your clit making sure to keep you on your toes. 

“Oohhh,” you sob. “S-so good. J-Jungkook—“

“Mhmm,” he murmurs onto your skin. “Tastes so good.”

“A-aghhh! Oh my god!”

The thing is… Jungkook has eaten you out before.

But this was different.

It was slow and sensual. The way he licks you and eats you out just feels so surreal. Your toes curl, your stomach winces, and your pussy tightens as you’re about to climax—

Jungkook pulls away. 

He has a devilish look on his face. You stop the recording and toss his phone aside. Suddenly, he takes hold of your ankles and tugs you down. On your back, you open your arms and welcome him in again. Gladly, he buries himself in your breasts and moans at your softness. 

“That was—“

“Everything my girl deserves,” he tells you sweetly. “My girl…”

“Your girl,” you pull him in for a kiss. “All yours..”

Jungkook moans, unable to stop himself. He lifts his hips, making space for him to quickly pump his cock before guiding it inside you.

… And oh my god.

He feels so good.

Him inside you is so fulfilling and healing. 

“You okay?”

You nod, mesmorized by the man he is.

“More than.”

With that, Jungkook kisses you and begins to fuck you. He thrusts in and out, making you feel his entire length with each stroke. Your body takes him in as if it’s welcoming him home. As he feeds you your craving, he picks up the pace. You wrap your legs around him, moaning from how good it feels as he buries himself in you. 

“F-fuck,” Jungkook hisses. “Love this. Feels so good.”

“Mhmm,” you whimper. “J-just like that!”

Jungkook continues to fuck you, drilling himself deeper and deeper. Soon, you’re chanting his name and his ego begins to boom.

Jungkook fucks you like he loves you… And you know it. You can feel it. To express so, you claw his back. Digging your nails deeper and deeper, holding him close.

“N-nghhh! I’m gonna cum—”

“Cum for me, pretty girl. You behaved so well,” he praises. “Proud of you.”

Your heart flutters. 

Then, your pussy clenches as you release. He feels it. Jungkook groans, accepting that this round will be over soon. There will be plenty more, for sure. As he pumps inside you lazily, cautious of being sensitive to your climax but also because he’s hitting his. 

Then, he creams your pussy. It oozes out, but he pumps himself a few more times to stuff you.

As he spills himself onto you, he lets out heavy breaths and collapses on top of you. You let him catch his breath there as you tangle your fingers in his hair. 

“I love you,” you confess. 

“Good… I was hoping you would.” Jungkook lets out a tired laugh. “I love you too, ___. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You’re everything I’ve ever loved.”

You hold him tighter.

“I love you more.”

Jungkook bursts into laughter. “Love, we are not going to play that game.”

Tilting your head at him. “Why not? It’s true.”

“You think you love me more than I love you?”

“Mhmm.”

“Prove it.”

With that, Jungkook laughs as you shift position. Leaving him on his back, you climb on top and straddle him. As you lift yourself to guide his dick inside, he lets out a whiney moan. You are so sexy. You are quite literally his favourite part of living.

“I’ll prove it,” you accept the challenge. “Will you last though?”

Jungkook’s lips slight part, amazed and shocked at your initiative. In response, he relaxes and gestures at your body. There’s a tightness that overcomes his entire body. It’s mixed with excitement and relief. For the nth time, he gives in.

Jungkook folds.

Happily, he gives himself to you.

“With you? Forever.”

Forever.

After 3 rounds, you two call it a night. As you drift to sleep, Jungkook holds you. Before this, you two talked as much as you could and even began to make plans. There is an indescribable comfort in being with each other.

Upcoming dates.

Better ways to communicate.

Everything and anything in between—you two want it all.

As the rain pours, Jungkook finally shuts his eyes. He pulls you closer, kissing you for the final time tonight. There would be tomorrow to kiss you anyway.

Tomorrow and the day after that… And the day after that. And the days that follow—he’d do just that.

He can’t wait to kiss you forever.

To hold your hand forever.

To love you forever.

For the first time in a while, Jungkook finds rest. His heart stays still and feels loved. Besides, this is what he has wanted to be all along—

Close to you.

---

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ chaebol!jungkook (1)⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ *nsfw*

series m.list // taglist closed.

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @pamzn @defzcl @maryy1300 @whoa-jo @taetaecatboy @jksusawife @un06 @firesighgirl @rrosiitas @butterymin @parkinglot-nights @musicjournalsjdb @kissyfacekoo @jkslvsnella @vampcharxter @bloopkook @kekerrreke @somehowukook @bbystarcandykoo

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no blueberries (m) || kth & reader

title: no blueberries pairing: kim taehyung x reader genre: angst, fluff, minor smut, romance, college!au, minor artist!taehyung word count: 12.3k prompt: no more!taehyung gets his heartbroken to the point he doesn’t even love his favorite fruit, blueberries, anymore. then he meets you, the complete opposite of the girl of his dreams, and suddenly, blueberries taste sweet again. warnings: explicit smut,,, but short :) a/n: she/her is no more!oc :) also, thank you guys for your support for no more & for the interest of the spin-off for taehyung !! (also don’t come at me at the end if i made any mistakes bc i gave up on rereading any of my work LOL i’ve sat on this too long)

His love for the color blue dissipates along with her slipping through his fingers.

Weiterlesen

---

so it goes | myg

 Summary: You and Yoongi have been hooking up, having dates and spending most of the week together for almost seven months. He was comfortable without a title, until the last two weeks, when you couldn't see him because of your busy schedule, Yoongi can't understand why he misses you so bad if your relationship is just sex to him. Or maybe he does, but he's too much of a coward to admit it.

series masterlist,

part two

 —pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of?) to lovers, fluff, smut.

—warnings/tags: fingering, unprotected sex, dirty talk, mentions of blowjobs, dom!yoongi i guess? (he's soft tho!!) yoongi is in denial, he asks himself lots and lots of questions, emotional constipation!!! etc etc

—words: 6.8k

a/note: hiii, this is my first time posting something for bts and i'm really excited!!! i'm planning to write more about this couple so feedback is appreciated :) pd: english is not my first language. taglist is open if you want to join!!

You were five blocks away from Yoongi’s apartment when your phone vibrated in your pocket for the second time in the span of five minutes.

[Yoongo]: Hurry up

[Yoongo]: Dinner is almost ready

[Yoongo]: If you don’t start running I’m gonna start eating without you.

You giggled looking at his contact name, he made a typo when he wrote his name on your phone and you never changed it, you liked it that way. Yoongi wasn’t going to eat without you, he was the one who invited you, but you started to walk faster anyway.

The memory of the Yoongi who wrote his name on your phone seems so distant now, he was so different from the one who was waiting for you at his apartment, maybe because your mind had unconsciously decided to divide the image you had of him into different parts. The first one was the Yoongi everyone else knew, the rapper, producer and founder of his own label, a well respected name in the industry. The second was the one you knew from the media and the paparazzi pictures of him that came out every weekend, coming out of the club with a different girl by his side every time. Getting bored too fast, never getting enough of that life or anything at all.

The cold wind hit your face as you remembered the first time you met Yoongi, it was the night that Jungkook decided to throw a party, celebrating the start of summer. During that time, your best friend had recently signed with Yoongi's label and was very excited to introduce you to his new friends. You met Namjoon and Hoseok and a few other members of their team, but all you remember was Yoongi’s lingering gaze and intimidating aura, he said hi to you but nothing else, clearly not interested in meeting new people, clearly not interested in meeting you. But as the night passed and Jungkook's party was coming to an end, the only thing you could focus on was his piercing dark eyes staring at you. Why would he be staring at you all night, giving you sneaky glances until you left but never making a move?

"Because you were Jungkook's friend" Yoongi would answer if you were to ask him now, and then he would say something about not fucking people who he could possibly see again. What an asshole, you thought at your imaginary conversation.

At that time you didn't lose sleep over it, didn't question it too much, but even though you two had way too different personalities, you couldn't deny that he was attractive enough for you to find yourself thinking of him once or twice during that week.

The third and last part of the image you had of him in your mind was very different from the last one. You remember discovering it at Jungkook's barbecue party. It was a hot afternoon, Yoongi took a seat next to you and he asked what you were studying at college, he tried to sound interested when you answered history. You made a lame joke and that was the first time that you saw his gummy smile. You liked it so much that you wanted to tell another joke just as bad.

He was quiet, calm and observant, nice enough to offer you a ride home. Nice enough to offer you a ride home every time since that day. He used to say that your dorm was on the way to his house, which was a lie but you didn't know it back then.

You let him drive you home, you enjoyed the music he played and the way he listened to you when he asked you about your life, you enjoyed listening to him talk about his. You thought you were so lucky to know that part of him, and you were so embarrassed when you realized you had a huge crush on him. He was just being nice, no matter how kind he was or how flirty he sounded, he could never feel the same way about you. That's what you thought, until he kissed you before you jumped out of his car one night. That's what you thought until he started kissing you every single time after that.

It wasn't the first time that you asked yourself why Yoongi was so adamant to not let you go, you weren't his girlfriend and he wasn't your boyfriend, but why, after being with so many girls, he decided to keep you? Why did his actions say that he liked you more than his words did? You were pretty, you could admit that, but so were all the other girls, what did you have that they didn't?

You remember asking him about it once. After a long debate about which movie to watch, you beat him by outright refusing to watch a sci-fi movie over a romcom, you and him were laying on his bed with your head on his chest and his hand stroking your hair when a scene of a romantic monologue started, you lifted your head and looked at him.

“What do you like most about me?” Smiling, you watched him trying to act like you didn’t catch him off guard. His eyes popped open but automatically a stupid smirk appeared on his face.

“Your ass.” He answered and you punched his arm before he could finish the last word, he let out an “auch” as his shoulders started shaking from laughter. Then, he decided to correct himself. “I like that you’re sweet”

“That's the lamest thing to like about me” you complained, “I'll pretend that you just said my ass.” you pretended to focus on the movie again, taking your eyes off of him.

During the six months that you had met him, you learned how to manage him a little bit. Sometimes offering food worked, in the worst of the cases it was to throw a tantrum, but that day it only took a pout for him to break.

“Don't” he grabbed your chin, making you look at him again “You're the sweetest,” he confirmed again and kissed you tenderly on the lips “you make laugh. And you're hot.”

“The hottest?” You joked.

“You bet.”

Yoongi was a man of a few words and you always cherished the ones he had for you. Like when you started going to his studio to bring him food that you cooked only for him, Yoongi forced himself to work long hours and most of the time he forgot to eat, but when you brought him food he ate every single thing.

He always grabbed you by the waist and sat you on his lap, he asked you about your day and you asked him about his. He shared food with you and feed you on the mouth.

“Your food is always the best, babe” he murmured with his mouth full of food.

You still thought about the first night you invited him to your dorm one time that your roommate wasn't home. He ordered food, drank wine with you, watched half of a movie, decided to take off your clothes and fucked you on your bed for the first time.

Your bed wasn't as big as his, he had a king size all for himself while in yours only fitted you and maybe half of him. But Yoongi didn't care, not when he was on top of you. Holding your legs up, fingers digging into the flesh of your hips and his wet lips whispering against your neck, he made you look at him the whole night while he fucked you open nice and slow, he liked to take his time. You remembered Yoongi squishing your face between his fingers making you pout slightly, he thought you looked so pretty like that, with parted lips and furrowed eyebrows willing to let him fuck you as long as he wanted, however he wanted. At that point he knew your body too well, he knew how to touch you and where to kiss you, but you knew him too, and you knew he talked too much when he was close to his climax, letting the words escape from his mouth without permission. You don't remember everything he said that night, but you do remember a couple lines because during that time, they kept you awake for a few nights.

“My pretty girl, always taking me so well” he said as you threw you head back when he started leaving kisses down your neck, sneaking his hand where your bodies connected so he could slowly rub his thumb on your clit, making you whine his name as you felt your walls abruptly clench around him, he loved that shit, he loved how high pitched your voice sounded as he thrusted in and out, brushing the spot that made your toes curl "My only girl, only mine.”

Pressed against him because the bed was too small for the two of you he hugged your waist and hid his face in the crock of your neck, you fell asleep wanting to ask him if he was serious about that, were you his only girl? You were too afraid to believe him.

You remember that week when you failed an exam that you studied really hard for, he invited you to his place and you decided to try a new recipe, it tasted so bad you wanted to burst into tears in the middle of his kitchen. You loved cooking and that was the last thing you needed. Yoongi grabbed you by your face, assuring everything was okay.

“You can try again another day,” he offered "my mom always says that it takes a few tries. I'll take you to Daegu, she'll teach you.”

He was almost joking, saying those words like it wasn't a big deal. The idea of meeting his mom made you feel butterflies, it was so stupid that something like that changed your mood for the better.

Five blocks away, Yoongi was in his apartment about to have a mental breakdown. He was about to order food when he saw the mess he made in the kitchen, but he promised to cook for you tonight in exchange for a weekend with him. He wanted to think his head was all over the place because of work, but that was a lie, it was because of you.

He had hardly seen you the last two weeks, you had spoiled him, you used to visit him mondays, wednesdays and saturdays, you came by his studio every friday but now it seemed like you had no time for him in your schedule. Having tons of projects and final exams, that week you had only visited him the day before in his studio. You didn’t even let him come to visit you because you said you were going to let him distract you.

It was okay, Yoongi told himself, he appreciated that you came yesterday, but at the same time he missed you so bad, he couldn’t remember the last time he kissed you properly, and the memory of last night didn’t help. Namjoon invited you with some friends from the company to a bar, but you couldn’t come because you were celebrating the end of a project with your friends in a whole different bar. You deserved it, Yoongi told himself that, but when he arrived at the bar by himself and everyone started asking him where were you he thought he might explode because of how much he missed you, couldn’t help but wish you were wrapped around his arms. Why did everyone ask him about you? Why didn’t they ask Jungkook, who was your best friend? Why ask your not-boyfriend?

Yoongi always thought that you two didn't need a title, things were good like that, you had good sex and he liked having you around, but at the same time he wanted to scream last friday when you told him you couldn't come over to his apartment because you had a group project with some asshole called Kevin. Who the fuck was Kevin anyway? Did Kevin know that you had a not-boyfriend whom you cook for every friday and you fuck three times a week? What do you mean he doesn't?

He wanted to ask about said project and that guy. Why was he doing a project with you? Were you put together? Did you choose him? Did he choose you? He knew he couldn’t bring it up, he could already hear your voice asking “Bubba, are you jealous?”

Yes the fuck he was.

His mind was a mess but he was sure about one thing, he didn’t want to be with other women, you were enough. Your kisses, bad jokes and the coffee you made was enough. He wondered if you felt the same about him, was he enough for you? What did he have to offer?

In his mind he pictures you like a good friend and good lover; you took care of Jungkook even if you were a few months younger than him, you made Namjoon laugh the loudest, Hoseok trusted you so much that he showed you new songs that he was working on to know your opinion and you were never afraid of kissing Yoongi in front of his friends. How could he be enough for you?

And anyway, when the fuck did he become like this? He used to think he was being subtle, that no one really knew how much he liked you, but everyone did, except for you. Now he was standing under the dim lights of his kitchen with almost burned food, his dog, Holly, head cocked on one side, looking at him as if he was asking what was wrong and the suffocating feeling that he might be in love with you.

Just for a moment he could be honest with himself, he was not subtle at all. But you didn’t seem to notice, however, he was afraid that one of those days you would find out how crazy he was about you.

He remembered that one summer night when you insisted on having a picnic under the stars, Yoongi thought it was so corny but he didn’t have it in himself to say no to you. You showed up in a short summer dress that hiked up your thighs every time you leaned to wipe the food out of his mouth. By the end of the night you ended up blowing him for the first time in the backseat of his car. Was it the best blowjob he ever received? He couldn’t be sure. Was it his favorite? Yes, it was. He couldn't stop thinking about it, about you and your teary eyes and your pretty mouth wrapped around his cock, Yoongi thought no one could ever get it, it was almost romantic, almost sweet. He expected you to be at least a little suspicious when he texted you the next day saying "I can't stop thinking about you", you didn’t mention it.

Months later and you were still in the same spot but way deeper. You came every weekend and fucked all night, woke up and ate breakfast together, watched a movie and go out on a date that you planned, come back and fuck again. Was that enough for you? What if you get tired of it?

That last question hung in the air until Holly ran to the living room when he heard the sound of the keys opening the door and Yoongi snapped out of his trance.

“Hello?” The sound of your voice echoed in the apartment, it seemed to be almost empty until you arrived, now it felt complete.

Yoongi didn’t respond, he waited for you to find him in the kitchen, he heard you taking off your shoes and say hi to his dog.

When you found him, you grabbed his face and kissed him briefly on the lips “What is that face?” You asked, leaving a bottle of wine on the counter “Are you not happy to see me?”

“The food got a little bit burned.” He sighed. He was, in fact, happy to see you.

"I'm sure it's fine, let me set up the table." You brushed it off and that was enough for him to forget about the food, but there was still a heavy weight on his chest, you were the only person who could take it off of him, but he didn’t want you to.

Once the table was ready you put some music and poured wine on his glass.

“Did you have a good time last night? Got drunk?” He asked like it was small talk, but he was dying to know.

“Yes and no. I was too tired to get drunk and I actually got home early, Nayeon was still awake when I arrived. What about you and the guys?”

If the food tasted bad you didn’t say it, you seemed to happily enjoy it as you listened to him talk about last night, laughing about the silliest things.

“They all asked about you.” He said, you tried to hide a smile but you failed.

“Did they? What did you say?”

“That you abandoned me.” Yoongi lied.

“Yoongi…” You whined in complaint, rolling your eyes when his shoulders started shaking as he laughed

“Okay, okay. I said that you were busy celebrating the end of your project.” He told you the truth.

The night passed between laughs, sweet smiles and fond looks. That was something he could not escape, your eyes; they always told the truth no matter what, they were sincere and could never hide what you feel, Yoongi had the blessing –or maybe the curse– to know exactly how to read them. In that moment he looked at you from across the table and he felt like he could almost touch your happiness. Yoongi was terrified that you could feel his as well.

“So he’s keeping it a secret” You mentioned as you were washing the dishes after you finished having dinner. Yoongi was beside you, leaned against the counter with crossed arms.

“But he told you.” He said with an annoyed tone in his voice.

“Of course he told me, he can’t lie to me, I know him too well.” You shake your head in disbelief.

“I’m really hurt that you didn’t tell me.” He joked.

Yoongi had always minded his business, he always was the quiet and calm guy, the one to trust, until he met you. There were countless nights where he found himself gossiping with you in the kitchen, you were calm and quiet too, were the one to trust just like him, but for some reason, somehow, you always seemed to know everyone's business, and you were happy to share them with Yoongi, whom over time learnt to loved those gossipy talks in the kitchen.

Tonight you were talking about Jungkook, who seemed to have not-really-a-girlfriend. Jungkook told you about her and no one else, you didn’t know this, so when you brought it up to Yoongi he was shocked because Jungkook didn’t tell him.

“I’m telling you now, I didn’t know he didn’t tell anybody!”

“Okay, so why is he being all mysterious and shit?”

“I don’t know, maybe the same reason why you didn't tell Namjoon and Hoseok you took me to the river that one time?” You asked taking him by surprise. Yoongi looked at you with raised eyebrows making you giggle. You remember one of your first dates when he took you to eat to the river, after a few hours Namjoon called in an emergency because he messed up the files on his computer, told him that he was calling him for hours and asked where the fuck he was –Namjoon’s words –. Yoongi never answered and later they found out he was with you. He tried to think of an answer, but you didn’t let him. “I don’t know, maybe he is not sure yet, it’s been a while since he had a girlfriend, but I know Jungkook, he really likes her, he will eventually come around.”

Yoongi stared at you as you were washing the glasses, too focused on cleaning to know what what’s going on in his head.

“Did you meet her?” He tried to change the subject.

“No! He would die of embarrassment, he said, but he showed me her instagram.” You said drying your hands to grab your phone from the back pocket of your jeans and looked for the girl’s insta. “See? She is cute.” Yoongi grabbed your phone in his hands and squinted his eyes like an old man, you laughed at that.

Yoongi saw a picture of a smiley girl seated on the beach with an ice cream cone in her hand, she looked nothing like the girls Jungkook was used to dating, but it made sense in his mind, he liked you after all. From the outside, everyone thought that you were too different, that Yoongi never liked a girl like you and that you never liked a guy like Yoongi, but from the inside he knew that there’s no one in this world that understood him more than you. He wanted to tell you all that, but something different came out of his mouth.

“You’re cuter.” He said with a straight face, making you look ridiculous when your cheeks burned red.

When you finished washing the dishes he changed into his pajamas and waited for you sitting on his bed, you were washing your teeth in the bathroom, leaving him alone with his thoughts. It was easier when you were around, he didn’t have time to think about correct or wrong decisions, it was just you in his head.

And then, one more question popped up in his head –or maybe a few more than one– , why did he want to keep you so bad? What did you bring into his life that he didn’t already have?

Yoongi tried to convince himself that he wasn’t in love with you so many times that day that he believed he was about to have a headache because of it. He stared at his bedroom ceiling hoping that the answer appeared written in the white of it, knowing that it was impossible, thinking that there was no possible way that he loved you that much. He almost convinced himself that those months full of nights of gossip in his kitchen, back hugs before sleeping and innocent morning kisses were only products of his imagination. He almost made it, until you walked into the room wearing the tiniest pajama shorts he had ever seen and the tightest tank top, now the only rational thought left on his mind was how bad he wanted to sink his face in your ti–

“What are you thinking?” You asked, kneeling beside him on the bed, you reached your hand to run your fingers through his black hair, he sighed and realized he was about to give up. What should he answer? “Your tits”? “The suffocating knowledge that I'm falling in love with you and I don't know if I'm ready to give you my heart”? "The terrifying suspicion that maybe I already gave it to you"? Maybe he should say the truth, but not today. Instead, he chose to change the subject.

“Holly missed you.” You scoffed, looking behind you expecting to find his fluffy brown friend, when you didn’t see him you turned your head, offering him a tiny side smile.

“Mmm.. Did he tell you that?” You asked, starting to straddle his lap and wrap your arms around his neck, he grabbed your waist to pull you closer to him and pecked your lips, a simple gesture yet so intimate, Yoongi never kissed someone like that, he never reserved the little things for anyone but you. That included the food he cooked for you, the afternoons he let you sleep a quick nap on his chest before a class, the squeeze he gave you when you held his hand, the space in his wardrobe that he saved for your clothes only. God, he was so screwed.

“Yeah, he did. He also complained because nowadays you barely come to visit him. He was so sad last friday when you turned us down, you should’ve seen him.” He murmured, avoiding your eyes.

“I’m getting the feeling that you’re projecting right now. Maybe it is because last time I checked, Holly couldn’t talk.” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Mmm… give me a kiss.” Yoongi tried to reach for your lips but you pulled back, a devilish smile tugging from the corner of your lips.

“Bubba, did you miss me?” You asked. He lost count of the times he told you not to call him by that nickname, that it was the corniest thing in the world. You ignored him, you never stopped calling him like that. Deep down, Yoongi knew that he liked it, but he would never admit it.

“Did you?”

“I missed you a lot.” You never had trouble confessing things like that, there was never hesitation in your words, just the truth. “I wanted to invite you to come over so many times but I knew I wouldn’t get anything done if you were there…” Your hands played with the chain on his neck while his played with the hem of your shorts, there was an unspoken invitation in your words and he was happy to respond to it, you looked at him through your lashes with a innocent smile in your face which he scoffed at, he pulled you closer and caught your bottom lip between his teeth, never answering the question.

That night he was trying to fuck you hard and fast, maybe because he hadn't done it in two whole weeks and he was horny as hell watching you in those little shorts on top of him, or maybe that was jut an excuse and he, once again, was trying to convince his conscience that you two were just fucking, nothing more and nothing less, it didn't mean anything. But you turned his rough kiss into a sweet one, you dug your fingers into his hair at the back of his neck when he decided to grab your hips and flip you over to leave you under him. Yoongi knew that night you were in a sweet kinda mood when you stopped kissing his lips to start kissing his cheeks and trailed open mouth kisses down his neck. But he wasn't, he wasted no time in taking off your shorts and tank top, leaving you almost naked with only lace black panties as the only barrier for what he really wanted to see.

"Is that right?" He asked with a low voice as he started to drag his hand to your breast, circling your nipple with his thumb slowly. You sighed, too caught up in the feeling of his hand to answer him. "How much did you miss me?"

His other hand traveled down your stomach to stroke your center through the thin fabric sending chills to your spine. Yoongi didn't need you to answer, he knew how much you did by the way your body responded to his hands and the mix of stimulation, but he wanted to hear your answer. He moved his hand from your breast to grab your chin and move your neck to the side so he could start kissing your neck, making you whine his name softly as he pushed your panties aside and started rubbing your clit slow but hard.

“Too much.” You tried to answer in a huff, letting yourself lose in the sweet touch of fingertips and the sound of his low voice, getting wetter and wetter. It was so good but just not enough, and he knew it.

He took off his tshirt and his pants, creating the illusion that you were on the same page as him, but that was not the case. He curled two of his fingers around the black strap of your panties to push it down slowly, making you shiver. You were about to roll your eyes when he threw it away across the room dramatically, but his finger came back to your wet center making you whine softly, teasing your entrance with two of his fingers first before he sank them inside you.

Most of the time you were patient, waiting under him until he decided to make a move, but that night you were slightly desperate. It wasn’t a lie, you barely saw him in two weeks, the least he could do was not teasing you. You moved your hips at the same pace of his fingers trying to chase the feeling but with his free hands he grabbed your hips and pushed them down the mattress.

“Don’t.” That was the only word that could come out of your mouth.

“What?” He had the audacity to laugh.

“Don’t be like that with me.” You tried to argue but your words sounded almost like a beg.

“Why? Were you waiting all week for me to fuck you?” You watched his face going down your chest to find one of your breast to take it on his mouth, swirling your nipple with his wet tongue as his fingers kept fucking you slow, tortuously pulling them out to rub you clit and then coming back to curl them inside you, you arched your back. He caught your nipple between his teeth and bit it a little when you didn’t answer.

“Y-yes, I was.” You mumbled through a moan.

“Mmm… My good girl, so wet already for me, how bad you wanna get fucked?” He asked, accelerating his movements, the room filled with the sound of your cries only, two of his fingers deep inside you as his thumb fastly circled your clit.

“Yoongi..” You whined looking at him through hooded eyes and with swollen lips. Then, he stopped his movements abruptly.

“Do you want me to fuck you right now, to make you cum?” He removed his fingers and put his hands on each side of your head*. You sobbed silently in protest but he didn't care, that was exactly what he wanted from you. But you could only nod and redirect your gaze to his tight boxers. “I was going to make you wait, baby,” he scoffed, grabbing the elastic of his boxers and finally taking them off “Just like you made me wait for you for two weeks.” his hand gripped your thighs, opening your legs to display you as he liked, his eyes flying to his target, so wet and warm, he couldn't wait even if he tried. “But I can't when I have you spread like this just for me”

A cry left you when he started to rub his cock against your clit and folds, going up and down making you squirm under him, he told himself that he wouldn't tease that night, there was a little angel seated on his right shoulder telling him to be nice and not to do it, but the little devil seated on the left keep whispering to tease you until you were crying for his cock, he tried to find a balance between them, and he was going to try and making you wait and fuck you like he wanted, but he never liked a fifty-fifty in bed.

He pressed a kiss on your lips, opening his mouth slowly so he could languidly slip his tongue inside your mouth. His hands coming up to brush your nipples with his thumbs once again as he rolled his hips against your core making you gasp in anticipation, he whispered to your ear, “I need to hear what you want first.”

“I want.. you” You murmured, feeling caged between him and the mattress, mind too cloudy to think of an elaborated sentence.

“You want what, baby?” He asked, his nose touching with yours, lips brushing together as he spoke. The pressure between your legs started to become unbearable, your hips pushed forward to meet him but all he did was grab them to keep you in place. You arched your back and pressed your chest against his wrapping your legs on his waist, but that was not enough for him to decide himself to fill you up. He was so annoying, making you to say prescicely what he wanted to hear otherwise he wouldn't fuck you. You were the shy kind of girl in bed you met him, the first time he made you say your pussy was his, your face turned as red as a tomato, you never had said those things in bed but with Yoongi it was necessary, he loved hearing your whiny voice begging him to make you cum, and on the long way you learned that was exactly what you needed to do to get what you wanted. No matter how famous, or hot Yoongi was, at the end of the day, when he was balls deep inside of you, he was just a man and you took advantage of that.

“I want you… to fuck me.” You said giving in to him.

“Mmm… no pretty please?” He whispered, leaning to peck your lips sweetly as if he was mocking you. God, that made your walls clench around nothing in anticipation, almost daydreaming of the feeling of his cock fucking you open. He let out a mocking laugh when he realized how much it turned you on the way he was playing with you, he was such an asshole.

Decided, you grabbed his face with both of your hands and made him look at you, devoring his lips without warning “Please Yoon,” you said whining between kisses as you started to rub your center against his member, you could hear a low moan get stuck on his throat and you felt the grip on your hips get tighter “just fuck me please, it's been so long.”

It was rare to leave Yoongi without words when this wasn't the worst thing he had made you say in bed, but he was so hard at that point that all he could think of was being inside you. So he did, thrusting hard, stretching you open until your thighs started shaking.

“You always fit me so well.” Yoongi said out of breath. He was on edge too, trying to keep his chill-guy persona but already starting to fail as you rolled your hips just right against him, only focusing on your naked body and the the pretty noises you made, Yoongi was a bit dumb if he thought he had full control of you in bed when you knew exactly how to break him. “Tell me baby, am I the only one who gets to see you like this? To fuck you like this?” His voice came out in a groan as he pounded in and out your pussy slowly, the only thing you could think of was the hard drag of his cock wrapped around your walls and the tingling feeling in the low part of your tummy. Your breath got caught in your throat, he was being mean, making you wait as he dragged his hand down your body to circle your clit with the same pace as his thrusts. You were sure there was an answer somewhere in your mind, you just couldn't find it. When the only thing he heard in response were your sobs he slammed a particularly hard thrust making you snap out of your trance, squirming in pleasure.

“Y-yes! O-only you” You sobbed pushing your hips forward to meet his movements. It wasn't the first time that he asked questions like these when he didn't see you after a long time, Yoongi was almost predictable, almost.

He placed his face in the space between your neck and shoulder and pushed himself deeper inside you, happy with your answer he started to pick up a faster pace which left both of you breathing heavily, moaning loudly. “Are you going to cum all over my cock tonight, baby? Make a mess on my dick like a good girl?” He grunted, you tried to catch your breath to answer him but instead you nodded repeatedly, too lost in the sound of your bodies crashing each other and his low groans, his cock hitting all the right spots, brushing you sweet spot over and over again until the knot of your stomach started to grow tighter with each thrust. It wasn't long until you both started to get close to your climax, after all you had not fucked in two weeks after fucking every two days for months.

“My sweet girl, will you let me make you cum as much as I want?” He asked once again. Your mind tried to form a sentence good enough to answer him, but you could only moan in response, feeling how your pussy milked his member everytime it came out and came back inside. This time he doesn’t care that you don’t answer, too satisfied with the way your face looked, quiet cries slipping out of your lips, throwing your head back when he fucked you deeper.

Your walls started to tighten around his dick more and more, he was about to go crazy, thrusting a little sloppily already.

“Does it feel good?” He asks with a low voice just to feel the way your pussy clenched around him, he knew how much you liked the dirty way he talked to you.

“I-it feels too good.” You said, closing your eyes overwhelmed by how full you feel. A wave of pleasure washing over you, pressing your forehead against his shoulders, you knew you were close. Other nights you hold back as much as possible, enjoying the pressure between your legs, wanting to keep him inside you forever. Tonight you weren’t in the mood for waiting.

The sound of your moans invidaded him as he kept buring himself inside you, he hid his face in the crook of your neck as he was feeling how close he was to finish.

“Yoon.. I-I’m too… too close” You let him know in a sigh.

“I know, baby. Cum for me. Be a good girl and cum for me.” He said, still hiding in your neck, you nodded as if he could see you, his cock throbbing inside you in anticipation. He looked at you, wanting to see your pretty face as you came undone.

You came moaning his name uncontrollably as he kept thrusting inside you, helping you ride your climax. He followed shortly after as if he was holding on until you do it first.

When you finished he brought a wet towel from the bathroom and helped cleaning you, grabbing your panties and putting them on for you. He climbed the bed and pecked your lips, he saw your messed up makeup and tried to wipe it with his thumb, failing miserably.

“I'm really happy that you finished your exams.” He confessed “You worked really hard, I’m proud of you.” You smiled brightly, it was no surprise for him that you had a praise kink.

“Thank you, bubba.” Yoongi tried really hard not to roll his eyes.

“And I missed you too.” He finally said.

“I knew it.” You just replied laughing.

No, you don’t know shit, Yoongi thought. You didn’t know how many times the image of your fucked up face when you were about to cum showed up in his head since you did. You didn’t know how bad it messed him up the look you gave him when you asked to be fucked again later that night. You didn’t know how much he missed you in those two weeks.

But, on contrary belief, you knew a thing or two. You weren’t stupid, you remembered that one night when Yoongi confessed you that his heart was broken two years ago, he never used those words though, but you didn’t have to be a shrink to notice that Yoongi was afraid to get hurt again. He was so cliché, even when he tried so hard not to.

Yoongi was, in fact, kind of dumb for thinking that you could ever hurt him, but at some point in the last two years he learnt that he had to build a wall every time he met a girl. The problem was when he met you and he realized that he liked you more than any other girl he had met. The problem was when he let you meet his brother one day and his brother told his mom, and his mom called him demanding to meet his new girlfriend. The problem was that he got used to seeing you in his studio couch and on his bed wearing his tshirt only. The problem showed up when he realized it was hell every morning when you had to leave early to catch a class and he begged you to stay, you never skipped them, but he didn't mind trying over and over again.

The problem was in that moment when he was about to fall asleep, arms wrapped around your naked body, trying so hard not to give up but in the end he does, he’s in love with you.

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