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+ 5: msgs // series m.list

note: takes place shortly after ch 5

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @pamzn @defzcl @maryy1300 @whoa-jo @taetaecatboy @jksusawife @un06 @firesighgirl @rrosiitas @butterymin @parkinglot-nights @musicjournalsjdb @kissyfacekoo @jkslvsnella @vampcharxter @bloopkook @kekerrreke @somehowukook @bbystarcandykoo

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ chaebol!jungkook (1)⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ *nsfw*

series m.list // taglist closed.

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @pamzn @defzcl @maryy1300 @whoa-jo @taetaecatboy @jksusawife @un06 @firesighgirl @rrosiitas @butterymin @parkinglot-nights @musicjournalsjdb @kissyfacekoo @jkslvsnella @vampcharxter @bloopkook @kekerrreke @somehowukook @bbystarcandykoo

xi. rotten angelcake ⇾ kth. [M]

chapter eleven : take the day off ⤑ ❝ “That didn’t seem to get her anywhere.” // “And where are you hoping this gets you?” // On my knees. ❞

⇽ prev. | masterlist | next ⇾

⌁ pairing; ceo!taehyung x curvy!reader (f.)

⌁ genre/rating; s2l, ceo au, sugar daddy au, smut, fluff, 18+

⌁ word count; 16.5k

⌁ warnings; dom!taehyung, daddy!taehyung, sub!reader, brat!reader, virgin!reader, daddy kink, praise kink, corruption kink, dirty talk, dry humping, a bit of orgasm control, oral (m. receiving), slight degradation, humiliation, exhibitionism, multiple orgasm, attempts at deep throating, hair pulling, begging, teasing, some cum play

⌁ playlist

ও as always a hundred thanks to cam ( @sunshinejunghoseokie ) for the pretty, pretty banner!! And special thanks to Jen ( @anobodyslove ) , Alaska ( @bulubulubulublabla ) , and Anya ( @wintertaescape ) for reading over and editing this with it being so long! I really appreciate it !

The sky swirls pink behind sheer clouds. The setting sun peeks through, casting a rose gold gleam into your apartment. Desperate to spread its last little rays of light for the day, it halos around the clouds. If you stare long enough, you can convince yourself that you’re catching a glimpse of heaven.

If Taehyung were here, he’d smile at your words. He’d let his eyes roam over your body before settling back on yours and say something that should sound ridiculously cheesy but still somehow make your heart race. He’d play with your hair, gently tracing the edge of your face with the pad of his fingers. You’d try to look away, but he’d cup your chin and force you to hold his gaze as he tells you something he shouldn’t, something that would excite your core.

KEEP READING

TAGS : @marcoazz2​​ @complexmolecule @whats-good-ross​​ @mawwnsterr​ @neverthefirstchoice​ @taeisbae13​ @taeluvrr​ @llcalumhoodll​ @finelinememories​ @taestycake​ @suh-nrise​ @ellesalazar​ @ifntelyinspirit​ @bambuzlee​ @lookatmeimmrmeeseek5​ @thelilbutifulthings​ @taepiper​ @daggersandicedcoffee​ @satansleftnut​ @gingerspicetalks​ @iridescent-5​ @merlinkgeroge 

note; please do not leave hate towards me or any other readers. please do not copy, repost, or translate any of my work without my permission.

Now We Reign | myg

☆summary: when working on a collab together makes you and Min Yoongi seek comfort with the other, you discover there’s more to life than loneliness. Only, hurdles mark your path in Min Yoongi’s life, and it’s unclear what the outcome will be. Will you be destroyed by him and his world, or will you learn to reign over it, together with him?

☆pairing: Min Yoongi x singer female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI)

☆genre: work collaborators to lovers, idol!au, smut, angst, fluff

☆warnings: alcohol, cursing, OC has family problems similar to those Yoongi went through, financial insecurity, loneliness, cheating but not cheating because they are on a break, sexist interviewer, explicit content: grinding, dom!reader, switch!Yoongi, big dick!Yoongi, oral sex (male and female receiving), jerking off, face riding, tits/nipples play, hickey, fingering, protected sex, choking, clit play, denied orgasms (due to consensual drunk sex), fingering, mentions of anal sex, handcuffs, anal plug, anal fingering

☆word count: 34.9k

☆a/n: it’s so weird to post something other than The Forgotten Spaces :’) I hope you’ll still enjoy this! As per always, thank you to @moonleeai​ for her incredible work as my beta reader! You’re the best <3

☆Read the other installments in the Life Goes On series here!

Weiterlesen

4: the cold // series m.list

note: reblogging w fic taglist cos the limit is annoying n my posts keep glitching </3 sorry for the long wait! i literally finished c2u and was working on c2u's extras as well as attempting to keep my life together LOL . this jk is literally GETTING INTO IT YUHHH . hope everyone is enjoying the story ,, i'm so excited for the rest ! we're halfway thru :( if u missed aao jk ,, lmk ur fave moment of his as of now huhuhuuuu

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “aao” // DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar @jkslvsnella @parkinglot-nights @kissyfacekoo

//

Picture this. 

Jungkook sent you a text, claiming to be sick. He said:

jungkook (liar) 3:09PM: no fr i get so dizzy standing up lol

jungkook (liar) 3:09PM: deadass i’m wearing like 7 layers and i’m chilly af .. need the warmth of ur arms, baby 🙏🏼

jungkook (liar) 3:10PM: do u think u can come by w some medicine? i’d owe u like… my whole heart

jungkook (liar) 3:10PM: nvm gave that to u already 😘✋🏽

Your natural response to his concerning text messages was to call him. When you called to check up on him, you noted how he coughed at every perfect pause... How his voice was toned groggy with a hint of pathetic. 

Just as pathetic as his lie. 

Does he think you're dumb? Fine. Two can play this game.

The second Jungkook opens the door and is greeted by his friends, grinning goofily with alcohol in their hands—he feels the urge to shut the door at their face. “Ah, for fucks sake—”

“Not so fast!” Hobi squeals as he grabs your wrists and tugs you from the back of the crowd to the front. Offering you to Jungkook, Hobi winks, “I believe this belongs to you.”

Jungkook’s eyes soften at the sight of you.

Lowering his head, he purses his lips for a kiss. You blink at him, letting him stand there like a fool. A few of his friends chuckle at the rejection, but it doesn’t dishearten Jungkook. Instead, he lifts his head and carries on. 

Hey, the kiss was worth a shot. 

With a patient tone, he tries to talk this out. “I thought it was just going to be you coming over...”

Shrugging at him, you answer; “And I thought you were sick.” 

"Well, what can I say? I always feel better whenever you're around." Jungkook chides.

Unimpressed, you tsk at him. “Nice try, buddy.”

Your hunch was right.

Jungkook wasn't sick.

There was no eye bag in sight, no cough to be heard, and with the short amount of time it took him to answer the door; he doesn't seem dizzy at all. If anything, he looks freshly showered and prepared.

For a sick man, his 5PM fit was rather suggestive. He's wearing jeans, and a white wife beater with an off-white button-up unbuttoned. He must know he's hot, right? He wore this on purpose.

"A little dressed up for someone who should be pretending to be sick..." you poke his chest.

Jungkook grins, instantly shrugging his button-up off. "Oh, my bad. Here, I'll undress and—"

"Jungkook!" you gasp as you tug his button-up back on. "Your friends are here! Don't be so shameless—"

"Whose fault is that?" he laughs. "___, was I not clear when I asked for you? You. Not the circus.”

“Hey!” Nam Joon cries from the crowd. “Are you calling me a clown?”

Jungkook lifts his head and shakes it. Smiling at his hero, he assures Nam Joon; “Not you, hyung. I love you.”

Earning a few laughs, the moment ends when Jin interrupts and pushes past you. Jungkook places his arm in front of your body, gently moving you against the wall. He shoots Jin a glare but Jin doesn't seem to catch on. He makes one final comment before inviting himself into Jungkook's home; “Stop sucking Joon's dick and let us in!”

As his friends cheer and begin to invade his home, you stand still and laugh at them hustling in. As they make random remarks, Jungkook warns them not to touch certain things in his living room and that his bedroom is off-limits. Walking in, his friends can't help but feel out of place when they spot the homecooked meal Jungkook prepared for you two. The table is all set up. The projector is ready to go in the living room corner, accompanied by the ever so comfy set up of pillows and fuzzy blankets on the couch… The fuzzy blanket on the couch that Taehyung and Hobi have now wrapped themselves in.

Yeah..

Jungkook did not see this coming. He groans at the very sight. His plans were ruined.

Once Jimin gets his little ass inside, you take that as your cue to head in. You duck under Jungkook's arm and just as you think you’re about to get away—he stops you. He takes a step back and swoops his other arm around your waist.

“Not so fast.”

You huff. “Okay. I’ll walk in slow motion—”

“___…” Jungkook says in a warning tone. “Yah, I said I was sick and you show up here with my friends?”

You poke his chest. “I had a feeling you were up to no good. I brought reinforcement.”

For the most part, Jungkook likes to think he has you figured out. Then, you pull shit like this and he is completely tongue-tied.

Jungkook can’t help but applaud your move. It’s petty and nonchalant… It’s well played. Yet, he feels bittersweet at the very realization that you’ve outsmarted him so early on. 

To be fair, his main moves are centered around lies. 

… Is it so wrong that he thought he could at least get one last good lie before facing the truth?

The truth is that he has grown to like you so much he has completely lost control of his words and thoughts. Every time he’s around you—that’s it. That’s the entire moment. That’s his entire world. He doesn’t know how to keep it that way, you know? He hasn’t figured out how to freeze time and just be with you. So, he lies. He lies in an attempt to make the moment last just a second longer. 

He knows he could have you with a simple conversation and his bunny smile. He knows he’s kindhearted and would be a great boyfriend if you let him… He’s just having a hard time navigating through all the feelings. They consume him faster and fiercer than he expected. The only way to keep up is to keep you near, and the only way to keep you near is to keep making excuses. 

Thus, this week’s excuse. 

He huffs at you. "A home-cooked meal, a movie on my projector, and comfy blankets... Means I'm up to no good? Come on, ___. This is ridiculous!"

"You've been so mischievous ever since—"

"It was just the ice skating thing!" Jungkook defends himself.

"It was also the pocky thing—"

His eyes light up. Jungkook’s lips curve into a smirk. "Ah... Thinking about our kiss, huh?"

Now you feel sick.

Was he serious? How does he do this to you? He says everything so bluntly and out of pocket, your tummy has no choice but to flip upside down and feel all the butterflies flutter.

"N-no!" you panic.

"Pucker up and prove me wrong," Jungkook insists, shutting his eyes and pursing his lips at you. "Like you said, I'm not sick. Kissing me won't get you sick—love sick, maybe..."

You cross your arms at him.

"Jungkook."

Opening his eyes one at a time, he puts his hands up and lets you go. He'll admit defeat here. Clearly, you aren't happy with his moves...

He'll try this.

He'll try honesty.

“___," he smiles, attempting to lighten the mood. "Hey, I was trying to—”

“Flirt?” you finish his sentence. “Yeah, sure… Has it ever occurred to you that you can flirt with me without lying?”

His eyes widen. 

“Does it bother you that much?” He asks, feeling like he is completely messed up. “I’m sorry, baby. I thought it was harmless—”

You shake your head, denying his accusation. It was deeper than that. It is the principal and the root of his lying being a habit in your relationship.

“It’s not that it bothers me that much… It's just... Y-you don't have to do all this, you know? I like getting to know you, but it feels like it's impossible. You keep setting up scenarios for yourself to look good in or for me to take care of you in. I'd do it regardless if you're hurt or not. You know that, right?"

"I do," Jungkook agrees. "I just..."

You look at him with sincere eyes. "Jungkook, I'm just not understanding... Why? It’s just weird to me that you were so confident and honest when you confessed. To be honest, I really admire that part of you. B-but now that you’re… That w-we’re…. Uhmm—it's different. You're acting differently. You can flirt with me all you want. It's whatever... But maybe try something else? I'm tired of you lying, Jungkook.”

He gulps.

"You want honesty?" Jungkook begins. "Here it is... I like you too much. Like, so much that I don't know what to do with myself whenever you're around—not to mention it's even worse when you're not. I want your attention. All the time. Everything about me for everything about you."

"Jungkook—"

"Can you wait for me?" He asks you unexpectedly. "Wait for me to get it right... Because I know I can. I will get it right."

When you two join everyone inside, Jungkook’s apartment is filled with so much chaos it’s difficult for him not to A) partake and B) be upset about everyone crashing his date night (by ambush). 

Honestly, Jungkook’s been pretty busy lately. He’s been neglecting his social life as school, work, and you (not that he’s complaining) have been taking over. In a way, he finds it sweet that you ruined his plans with yours. Especially since you came in with all his friends. It was a nice surprise. He will definitely take note of your sneaky ways too. 

By the time everyone gets hungry, there’s barely any space for anyone to eat. Some friends are sitting on the floor, eating off the coffee table or parts of the couch. Others are eating standing up, and the rest crowd over his tiny kitchen island and dining table. There are a few girls you’ve invited here and just as usual, you all went to the bathroom together. As you all enter back into the scene, there is absolutely no space. 

“___!” Jin calls you over. “Eat with us.”

You look at the girls and exchange laughs. They tease you before pushing to towards the dining table. As you approach, you realize there’s barely space let alone a seat. Without much thought, you gravitate towards Jungkook who is sitting and eating. Squeezing your way through, he notices you and nods towards Hobi. Hobi then responds by handing you a plate of food Jungkook set aside for you. Taking the plate, you thank Hobi. Jungkook then pushes his chair back and just as he’s about to get up from his seat to give to you—

“No, it’s okay. Sit.” You insist. 

“But you don’t have a seat—”

Then, it happens so naturally.

You place your plate on the table next to his and take a seat on his lap. When you do this, all the boys exchange looks but say nothing. Their eyes almost pop out of their head and Hobi even chokes on his food. He tries to hide it and turns away so you don’t think twice about it. They’re all aware of how shy you are and this? This was a big thing for Jungkook that they couldn’t ruin. You were finally coming out of your shell.

Thank god.

Meanwhile, Jungkook feels winded. 

He can’t believe this. 

He can’t believe you.

But given the circumstances… He might just have to. So, he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he smiles at you warmly and tells you that he put all your favourites on your plate. He tells you to eat everything and that he ordered strawberry bingsoo for dessert. 

“I love strawberries!” you gasp. Looking up, you bat your eyelashes and tease him, “yah, you make it too obvious you have a crush on me… You know that?” 

Jungkook squints at you, followed by scrunching his nose. You lean against his forehead and mimic his little stare. 

It takes everything in him to not lean in and kiss you.

Slowly but surely, everyone leaves. The only ones left are you, Jungkook, and the other 6 clowns. Yoongi and Jin went out to start the cars while Joon, Taehyung, Jimin, and Hobi finished up taking the trash out or washing the dishes. 

You and Jungkook are tidying the living room. He thanks you for organizing the little get-together and apologizes again for lying to you about being sick. You tell him it wasn’t that serious—it was just built-up confusion and frustration. Further, you tell him that you don’t want him to see you as someone that he has to jump through hoops to spend time with. You tell him you want it too. You want to spend time with him too. You want to get to know him too. 

You want to fall in love—

"I can do that," Jungkook nods, understanding where you're coming from. Your thoughts are interrupted as he fluffs the final pillow and grabs your hands. He squeezes them and then lets go. "But only if you stop being so oblivious. At least try, you know? It's hard for me too. Like, we're dating and I'm trying to woo you and shit—"

Dating?

Woo you?

Shit.

Your heart skips a beat.

"Wait," you pause. "Jungkook, a-are we dating?”

Just when he opens his mouth to speak, Hobi interrupts. 

“___, let’s go! Jin wants to race Yoongi!” 

Jungkook blinks at Hobi. “You’re not racing when ___’s in the car. Are you mad?”

Hobi lifts his hands. “Shit man, I’m just the messenger!”

Without skipping a beat, Jungkook turns to you with stern eyes. “I’ll drive you home.”

You decline. “You’re already home. Relax, it’s Jin. He’s all talk and no bite.”

“___…”

As a compromise, you promise him; “I’ll ride in Yoongi’s car.”

He thinks about it for a moment. Then, he realizes he has no other practical choice. “Fine. At least if you guys do race, you’ll be in the winning car.”

Hobi coughs. “Yo, what the fuck? I’m riding in Jin’s.”

You laugh and tell Hobi you’ll meet them out the door in a second. Hobi leaves immediately, yelling at Jimin to trade spots with him so he can ride with Yoongi. Once he’s out the door, Jungkook’s apartment falls in silence. 

“.... I better get going,” you breathe. “I’ll see you around?”

Scanning his apartment, you smile at the sight of everything being tidy. Picking up your feet, you head towards the door. Like a sad puppy, Jungkook trails behind you.

As you head out, Jungkook feels an urge in his stomach to make this moment last longer. “Oh... S-sure. See you at the library tomorrow?”

“You hate the library.”

“No, I don’t—”

“It’s also Saturday tomorrow.”

Jungkook blinks at you. “I love spending my Saturdays in the library.”

Giggling at his awful attempt, you remind him, “hey, we just talked about you and your fibs—”

“Sorry, sorry,” Jungkook surrenders. He puts his hands up and tilts his head. Pouting as you put your shoes on, he continues to ramble. “See what I mean? I say the wildest things just to be with you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, plopping back up. Jungkook then helps you put your jacket on and gives you your tote bag. “Whatever you say, liar.”

He rolls his eyes at you. As you open the door, you face him with a silly face. He ruffles your hair as he bids his farewell, “Goodnight. Text me when you get home, baby.” 

Then, just like that, the door shuts and Jungkook is all alone.

As he turns away and finally feels like he can catch his breath after everything that happened between you two tonight, he hears the door knock. Turning back, he reaches for the doorknob, opens the door, and sees you standing there. 

“Did you forget something?”

“Goodnight kiss.”

He draws a blank. 

“What—”

Jungkook’s heart skips a beat as you tiptoe and reach for the nape of his neck and pull him close. Leaning in, you press your lips against him and kiss him softly. Without hesitating, he kisses you back and chases your lips the second you pull away. 

You pull away too fast for his liking.

“Okay, goodnight—”

He kisses you again, deepening it as much as he can. When you pull away to catch your breath, he sneaks in one last kiss. Then, he kisses your cheeks and turns you around. Before sending you off, he teases you one last time. 

“Go away. I hate you.”

Laughing at his words, you realize that sometimes—they aren’t so bad.

Him and his lies.

You and your reading in between lines.

so it goes | myg series masterlist

Summary: You and Yoongi have been hooking up, having dates and spending most of the week together for almost seven months. He was comfortable without a title, until the last two weeks, when you couldn't see him because of your busy schedule, Yoongi can't understand why he misses you so bad if your relationship is just sex to him. Or maybe he does, but he's too much of a coward to admit it.

—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of? they're in love) to lovers, fluff, smut, angst.

—warnings/tags: see warnings in each part.

updated 14 february 2023.

STATE: COMPLETE

1. so it goes (m)

2. i think he knows (m)

3. ghost of you

4. drunk

5. plan a (m)

6. love (m)

→ drabbles (in chronological order)

✧ new drabbles

↳ the lake

↳ i thought you knew

↳ self control

↳ stay (m)

↳ don't get cocky (m) ✧

↳ five minutes

↳ it's not you, it's the rain

↳ drunk (yoongi's version)

→ extras

✧ ask my characters ✧ playlist

Do not respost, rewrite or translate any of my works. Some of these works are explicit, if you are a minor please do not interact or read my stories.

© prodagustd 2022-2023

love | myg

Summary: A compilation of memories as an epilogue.

this is part six of so it goes: series masterlist

< part five

—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of? they're in love) to lovers, lots and lots of fluff, smut

—warnings/tags: cursing, mentions of alcoholism, mentions of death, explicit content, unprotected sex, dirty talk etcetc

—words: 16k

a/note: HI FRIENDS!!! I'm finally back with an epilogue for so it goes 😥. I couldn't come with another name for this part lmao but I hoped you like it, it took me so long to finish it and I'm so excited to post it!! Thank you for waiting for me <3 Enjoy it !!! Please feel free to discuss this part in the asks, as always feedback is very appreciated :)

Yoongi’s childhood home

It has been a long time since Yoongi felt purely in love. In the past, love always came with doubts, fears and an upsetting feeling on his stomach that made him want to vomit everytime he woke up. Love was presented to him with more cons than pros, it was like a dark night trying to find your partner in the middle of the dance floor, like fighting under the rain outside of the nightclub, it was a good moment being ruined by a mocking grin and cruel words, it was like having to hold your breath until you turned blue.

Despite that, Yoongi was not completely at odds with love, he loved many things. He loved his job, his dog, his family and friends, but his tired heart was convinced that the type of love that was supposed to keep you awake at night… wasn’t for him, he just forgot about it, and in consequence of that he stopped waiting for it too, so you just could imagine how confused he was the night he met you. You were love walking in high heels and a black dress that was too short to be yours, you were love wearing bright red lipstick as you kissed him goodbye, you were love laughing at him because you would never settle for a one night stand with him. You were love punching him in the face, announcing that you were about to tear him apart.

During those moments of the night when the lights of the club turned red, the remains of his heart were stuck on the inside of his chest as he kissed another stranger to drown the feeling, to try to bury it in the backyard of his numb mind. Yoongi was a dark cloud moving into the room threatening to rain, but you only saw a tall man ogling you with tired eyes and a smirk capable of killing any girl, any girl but not you, never you, you couldn’t allow yourself to fall for a man who wouldn’t look at you twice. Back then you were sure he was the kind of guy who never noticed girls like you in the daylight, you weren’t as astonishing as the girls he had been with in the past, too rough on the edges, too normal.

You came from two different worlds, Yoongi was doing concerts and throwing after parties all night until the next morning, you woke up at six in the morning and got ready to catch a class at seven. He produced music and wrote songs, you studied history and tutored english to middle school kids. While he was mingling with superstars and models you had a small group of college friends who enjoyed staying home, eating pizza and drinking beer. There was no way you were compatible, from your hobbies to your life styles, to the movies you liked, you were just… different, no amount of mysterious glances across the room could change that.

So, why did he kiss you for the first time that afternoon all those months ago? Was it the sun that was about to set, encouraging him to do it? Was it the devil sitting on his left shoulder? Was it you, just begging him with your eyes to do it? There was no explanation for that kind of thing, but he came back to that memory every other day, he couldn't remember a girl who kissed him so sweetly. Was it your lipgloss or it was you? He swore it was just you.

For you, love came in waves during short periods of time. There was always love in your circle, in your friend’s arms and your childhood home, even the other kind of love always came but never stayed. Yoongi was a rare presence in your life during some time, he was gray between all the defined black and white in your life, which always upset you.

Love comes and goes all the time, but why couldn’t he stay? After so many years of accepting the short time that your past lovers offered, it was strange to want a person so badly, it was strange to want more, to even think about it, you were not used to the feeling of something lasting. However, when he laid beside you every night you wished he could stay against all odds, you wished he could stay in your bed until the next morning, you wished he could stay for breakfast and for the rest of the week if he wanted, but even that would not be enough. Not his burning touch over your skin or the proximity of his body during the night, not his hands finding yours under the table in a crowded room, not the hundred of his kisses or the sweetness of his words could be enough unless you told him the truth. But, could you be sure that would have saved both of you from the mess, the drunk texts and the drunk fights and the drunk-everything? You like to think that it would have helped a little bit, but maybe — just maybe — Yoongi needed a slap in the face before hearing the truth, just then he would realize that being in love wasn’t so difficult after all, and to be your boyfriend seemed to be the easiest thing he had ever done.

It has been a long time since Yoongi felt so purely in love, love like it’s supposed to be, love itself. It turned out to be that he found love everywhere ever since, he found love in the mornings as he tasted the coffee you made for him, he found it in the note you left in your nightstand when you left before he woke up, he saw it in your eyes ever since you told him you loved him too. He had been so blind and you couldn’t blame him, you had been so clueless.

Two months into spring Yoongi had come to the realization that among all the chaos in his life, the calmness that came with your company was all he needed after a long day. It was simple, but it seemed to him that it took him a lifetime to find you (he swore it felt like more).

Loving you was easy, but he thought he needed a bit of practice in the relationship field. The concept of boyfriend had been altered by the months he spent being with you without being official, so what was he supposed to do now? Spend more time with you? Give you more kisses? He was obviously more comfortable than before, now he didn’t need to hold back, he was free from the anguish and the sinking feeling that he felt in the past every time you weren’t around. Now he felt safe, however, it was unclear to him how much of a boyfriend he needed to be, or what type of boyfriend you wanted.

Yoongi sighed for the third time since Jungkook arrived at his studio, trying to focus on the monitor in front of him without thinking of the song that Jungkook was humming and how it sounded just like the one you were singing that morning in the shower. He knew it, he was sure, but he couldn’t remember the name of it. Suddenly, Jungkook started whistling the song but still nothing came to mind, which started to annoy him.

Yoongi sighed again.

“Am I bothering you?” Jungkook asked, a little bit offended. Yoongi shook his head without saying anything. “Are you sure?” He insisted, but Yoongi just nodded. “You’re quiet today.”

“I’m always quiet.” He replied.

“Mmm, yes but more quiet than ever.” He said, spinning in the swivel chair beside Yoongi. “You don’t like my song?” He kept asking, now starting to wonder if Yoongi didn't like the project that Jungkook brought last week for him to work on, but he liked the song, he just wasn’t thinking about it, he was thinking about the song he was whistling.

“It’s not your song, I’m just thinking.” Yoongi said, resting his back on the chair and spinning just like Jungkook did a second ago.

“A penny for your thoughts?” Jungkook offered, determined to know what was distracting Yoongi that afternoon.

“What was that song you were humming?” He asked.

“That’s what you were thinking?” Jungkook wanted to check, knowing it was surely something else that kept Yoongi zoning out.

“Kind of.” Yoongi answered.

“Paramore.” Jungkook laughed “Do you know it? The only exception? Your girlfriend used to overplay that song when I met her.”

Yoongi threw his head back, relieved to finally remember the song after being in his mind since he left his house. Jungkook started calling you that ever since you and Yoongi started dating, he copied Namjoon just to tease him, but it only put a smile on Yoongi’s face. His friend on his right seemed to be the happiest person when he found out that you and Yoongi made up, it was like seeing his parents threaten to divorce but then seeing them coming back together. (Obviously, Yoongi had no idea that half of that happiness came from knowing that his plan had worked, but he swore with blood that he wasn’t going to say a thing, after all, it will be useful for him in the future in case he needed to extort you).

“She was singing it today in the shower.” Yoongi informed him.

Jungkook giggled. “Creepy.” He said.

“Just a little bit.”

It wasn’t that creepy actually, you knew Junkook since you were both nineteen, you were almost connected like twins. If someone knew you as well as Yoongi did, that was Jungkook.

That thought stayed in his mind for a second, and after a while, it lit a lightbulb on top of Yoongi’s head.

“Was that all?” The youngest kept pushing, not fully convinced.

Yoongi thought about it.

“Mmm… No.” He said. Hoping that his friend would help him, but more importantly, that he wouldn’t laugh at him.

Lately he couldn’t name you in front of his friends without them acting like middle school kids, teasing him until his face turned red, and Jungkook was the most annoying of all of them.

“Are you not going to tell me?” He pushed one last time.

“Only if you don’t tell anybody.” Yoongi conditioned, making Jungkook frown.

“You’d be surprised how good I am at keeping secrets.” Jungkook raised an eyebrow, but Yoongi didn’t catch Jungkook’s hint, luckily, he just rolled his eyes.

“It’s going to be our… anniversary? monthiversary? Whatever you call it. The third one, in two weeks.”

“Three months already?” Jungkook asked, surprised that time has passed so quickly. “Wow, what about it?”

“I’ve been thinking.” He said “What do you and Bora do on your anniversary?”

Jungkook looked up at the ceiling, trying to remember every single thing that he did with his girlfriend when that day came around.

“It’s different every time.” He answered “Sometimes we go to a restaurant if we feel like it, but sometimes we just go for ice cream before the day ends. Sometimes I buy her flowers and sometimes she buys me something I like. But it’s different for everyone.” Jungkook paused, observing his friend being absorbed by his own thoughts. “Why? Is that what you were thinking? What to do on your… monthiversary?”

“Kind of. I think I don’t know how to be her boyfriend.” Yoongi confessed, avoiding Jungkook’s gaze to not feel like he was making a fool of himself.

Jungkook didn’t laugh about it, but he found it a bit curious.

“How is that you don’t know?” He questioned.

Yoongi spinned on the chair again. “I mean, what if she feels like our relationship didn’t change at all from when I wasn’t her boyfriend? What if she thinks it’s the same and she gets bored?” He asked, letting the words out like it wasn’t the main concern of the month.

Jungkook was a bit surprised by the way Yoongi’s mind worked, just like Namjoon was when Yoongi told him that he couldn’t allow himself to be happy with you because he had a fight with Jimin. But like before, this made sense for Yoongi, and was a perfectly coherent concern.

“Are you serious?” Jungkook laughed, “A relationship is not defined by what you do on your anniversary.”

“Is it not?” Yoongi joked, but he was still a little unsure.

“I don’t think so.” He said “I’m sure she’s not going to get bored of you, you keep her entertained. She’s in love with you, buddy, you’re not getting rid of her anytime soon.”

Yoongi was aware of that, you spent your free days glued to his chest and sleeping on his bed like it was yours, you made sure he knew every day how in love you were. He knew you loved him, but that wasn’t his problem.

“No, I mean, I know that. But I don’t want her to feel like it’s the same as before, I wonder if she can tell the difference, I hope she does. I just want to be… you know, a good boyfriend.”

Jungkook watched Yoongi playing with his fingers and he bit back a smile, wondering what it was that you had to leave Yoongi so… lost. And most importantly, what you did to him to have him talking about his feelings so openly. Jungkook never thought that Yoongi would try to come to him for relationship advice, but there he was, worried about being a decent boyfriend.

He tried not to tease his friend, he knew that if he did Yoongi would suddenly shut up.

“To be fair, you were already acting like a couple before making it official, so I think it’s normal to feel that way.” Jungkook tried to advise “But if you want her to see the difference, you should probably make her see that you’re serious with her. For example, I know she hasn't met your parents yet, right?”

Yoongi frowned, shaking his head. “No, she hasn’t.”

“There you go.” Jungkook winked at him “She likes simple things, if you take her to meet your parents she would feel like you are making her part of your life. Anyone can meet your friends, but not everyone meets your parents. She will take it as something special.”

That idea never crossed his mind until now. He still remembered when his mom called him when Yoongi’s brother told her that he was seeing a girl when he came to visit Yoongi, back then Yoongi ignored her and told her that you weren’t his girlfriend and didn’t give any other explanation. Yoongi loved his mom, but she was intense, even if he was the youngest of the family, she thought that he should be already married, she thought he should be already settled down with a wife and everything, but Yoongi was never the kind to follow the rules, let alone his parents’ rules.

The problem wasn’t you, it was just the way his mom never liked any of his girlfriends, so she never invited them to their house. This time was different, he knew that both his mom and dad would love you, so maybe Jungkook wasn’t so wrong after all.

Yoongi could still feel an annoying feeling on his stomach everytime he remembered the fight that you had , he remembered when you mentioned how he told you he was going to take you to meet his mom, so this could be an opportunity to make it up to you.

“That doesn’t sound bad.” Yoongi just said.

“Right? I’m always right.” Jungkook bragged “And about your monthiversary date, you should talk about it with her, ask her what she wants to do, it’s as simple as that.”

“Fine. I’ll take your advice, but I know you and I know her, so don’t say a word about this conversation.” Yoongi warned.

“It’s okay, my lips are sealed.”

Later that month Yoongi was just finishing taking a shower at his parent’s place after a long day. That morning he put his bag on the trunk of his car as he thought of what Jungkook said, and without him wanting to, the expression of his mother’s face every time he came to visit appeared on his mind.

When he got in the car he put on a cap and sunglasses and you laughed. He had been asking himself if Jungkook’s idea was working ever since he asked if you wanted to come and visit his family with him, you said yes without hesitation but didn’t say much else until that day. You took off your shoes at the beginning of the ride and played music until you fell asleep.

It was a long ride to Yoongi’s hometown, and you seemed to enjoy it until you made your last stop at a gas station. You got out of the car and bought some snacks, when you were getting back your boyfriend hugged you from behind and told you you were about to arrive. He kissed your cheek and circled the car to get on his seat, he didn’t see your face properly, but if he had done it he would have seen the smile on your face disappear. You got in the car with him and after fifteen minutes you asked if he could roll the windows down.

“I think I’m getting car sick.” You explained, sinking in your seat as you felt how your stomach turned upside down.

“Carsick?” He repeated. “You never get car sick.”

“I do.” You tried to argue, but he didn't believe you.

“I’ve been driving for three hours and you were just fine.” He told you, but you decided to ignore him. He looked at you for a brief second before turning his gaze to the road again. You shut your eyes close and frowned in discomfort, hugging your tummy like you were about to vomit. “Or is it that you’re nervous?”

You opened your eyes, offended. “I’m not nervous, I told you I’m getting car sick.”

Maybe Yoongi tried to forget you so hard months ago that he ended up memorizing every single thing about you. Only after you began to date him, you realized how much he knew about you. He bragged about it, and it was cute when he remembered that you didn’t like mayonnaise or what kind of wine you liked, but it was annoying when you couldn’t keep a secret away from him because he could read it in your face.

The truth was that Yoongi made the mistake of telling you how his mother didn't have a good relationship with his past girlfriends, in fact she didn’t even have a relationship at all with them. She had met all of them in other circumstances but never invited them to their house, she only needed one meeting to decide if she didn’t like them, and now you were in physical pain just thinking of the possibility that she didn’t like you either.

Of course that all this fuss came from your last experience with your ex boyfriend, who’s mother made it very clear that she didn’t like you. You didn’t know what it was, maybe the fact that you weren’t catholic, or maybe that she liked Dan’s ex girlfriend more, who knows? You didn’t want that to happen again. Different from Dan, you really wanted to stay in Yoongi’s life.

When you saw the first sign with the name of Yoongi’s hometown next to the highway, you finally admitted it, hoping that your boyfriend could give you an answer.

“How do I know if your mom doesn’t like me?” You asked him, automatically making him scoff.

“She won’t dislike you.” He just said.

Yoongi was a man of few words, but that wasn’t good enough for you.

“How do you know?” You insisted.

“Because I like you, don’t I?” He smugly answered, making you want to rip off his head for laughing at you.

“But you said your mother thinks you have bad taste in women.” You reminded him, but he shook his head in denial.

“You can’t rely on that.” He said “My mother also thinks that I should be a doctor, she has her own perspective of reality and it’s impossible to please her.”

“That doesn’t make me any less nervous.” You whined.

“You don’t have to be nervous, I’m sure that both of them will love you. You made them a pie!” He tried to encourage you, but you weren’t content yet, your mind couldn’t stop making scenarios.

“But what if they think ‘What a pretentious bitch, she wants to buy us with food’?” You kept insisting. Your question seemed rational to ask, but it only made him fail to suppress his laugh.

“They will think ‘What a nice girl, she made us a pie’!” He acted.

You rolled your eyes. “I don’t believe you.”

“I don’t know how to make you believe me.” He laughed “I can tell you the truth, my mom is a complicated woman, it’s impossible to please her, but if you just be yourself she will like you, if you’re trying too hard that’s when she will dislike you.”

You still weren’t happy with his answer. He seemed too cool about the whole situation, you didn’t understand how he wasn’t at least a little nervous.

“Your advice sucks.” You spat, crossing your arms over your chest “Then, what if she doesn’t like the way I am?”

He sighed, thinking about it for a second. “I mean…” He said, dragging his words “What’s not to like?”

Then, you punched his arm, making him whine.

“Quit playing with me.” You cried.

At this point, Yoongi was just trying to mess with you. He wasn’t lying when he said his mom was complicated, but he also knew how excited she was to welcome Yoongi’s first girlfriend after so long. He knew she would be happy just knowing he wasn’t single anymore, but after meeting you he was sure she was going to love you. Maybe it was cruel, but he decided to keep that for himself.

“But I’m serious!” He protested, rubbing his arm “First, I know my dad will like you, and even if my mom is intense, she will like you too because I know her and I know you. You get along with older people, you’re smart, you know how to cook, you’re a future teacher. What else can I say to stop you from vomiting in my car?”

You kept silent for a minute like he had just scolded you, reevaluating if he had made a good point or not. Maybe you were right and someone like Yoongi’s mom would never like any of his son’s girlfriends, but maybe Yoongi was right and you were overreacting. It hurt you to admit that you were.

Yoongi had never seen a person more nervous than him to see his mom. In front of his eyes it appeared the same image of his mom’s face that he saw on his mind earlier that morning. Years passed before Yoongi stopped doing what his mother thought was best for him, even if sometimes she was right, sometimes she was not, he learned to stop caring what she thought of him. His brother had a more stable job, but it was not until recently that he got a stable girlfriend, so he had two points in the game. Even though his family was proud of him now, years ago her mother considered that his job was not stable and he had no girlfriend until three months ago, so back then he had zero points. Yoongi said fuck the game long ago, his mother’s claims had no effect on him anymore, but he didn’t expect you to react like this when he told you about his mother’s behaviour with his past girlfriends, he realized it was only logical, even if he knew his mother would like you.

“Stop.” You told him, the feeling on your stomach slowly disappearing.”You’re obsessed with me.”

You watched him trying to hide a smirk, but he didn’t deny it.

“You stop.” He said “Stop worrying, I’m sure everything is going to be fine.”

You were not willing to admit he was right, you decided to change the subject.

“So… Will they make us sleep in separate rooms?” You asked, “Since we’re not married.”

Your question was only innocent, it was genuine, but the clarification made Yoongi laugh.

“My mother is insane, not conservative.” He said, like it was hard to tell the difference. “Maybe a little old-fashioned, but no. Besides, I don’t think she thinks I’m saving myself for marriage.”

You rolled your eyes. “I was just asking.” You clarified “It’s not like I’m… fucking you in your parent’s house.”

“Why not?” He teased you, but you ignored him, refusing to take the conversation any further.

That seemed to clear the air at least for now, but when you arrived at his house he was not surprised at all to see you get along with his parents, especially his mother. You didn’t know that you already had a few points in her game thanks to Yoongi’s brother, and you gained even more when you offered to help with cooking. Yoongi thought that was a good sign, his mom never let anyone but his brother help with her food.

His mom kissed both of you in the face as she sent his dad to leave your bags in Yoongi’s room, and not even half an hour later you were in the kitchen, chatting with her as you rolled up your sleeves and started cutting carrots.

What a fool you had made of him, he laughed at him in secret when random sentences appeared on his mind when he looked at you. You were wearing a brown sweater and blue shorts and for a moment he thought you looked like the last day of spring, like summer but not quite summer, like summer before he met you, summer when he didn’t know your name or how your mouth tasted. He saw the dark green color of the walls and smelled the coffee from the morning and it seemed like you always belonged there, somehow, he found you just in time before his mom decided to change the color of the walls like she was telling you, you camouflaged yourself in them like you were part of the kitchen, like you were part of his home. You told his mom that it was a shame to change the color, you liked it that way.

When the food was ready you sat beside him. It only took one question from Yoongi’s dad, who just asked how old you were, to stop his mother from holding herself back and start bombing you with every question you could imagine, you didn’t mind, she was just curious. You tried to ask questions back, trying to know them just as much as they wanted to know you, but it was difficult when Yoongi’s mom was barely interested in something else that wasn’t your relationship with her son. From your job, to your career, your family and friends, and how and when you meet Yoongi. He felt like an observant, like he was five years old and his mother told him that he could only stay at the adult’s table if he could keep quiet. You always said that you struggled at being social, but you seemed so natural as you laughed and moved your hands, telling his father that you were sure that you were graduating this year.

“Yoongi barely graduated from high school!” His dad said, making you giggle.

After lunch he offered to wash the dishes as he saw you disappear in the back door with both his mom and dad, she explained that she wanted to introduce you to her plants in the garden. He craned his neck and tried to spy on you from the window of the kitchen, but he could hardly see you or hear anything. He was not sure if he could leave you alone with them yet, but he knew that you knew enough about plants to charm his mom.

As the day came to an end, you forgot why you were worried that morning. That night, Yoongi searched for you in his living room and found you sitting with his parents on his couch, freshly out of the shower as you shared a cup of tea and his mother showed you some family photos. Yoongi tried not to roll his eyes, it was just a matter of time until his mother pulled their family albums for the guest to see. He sat next to you and noticed that all of you were looking at a picture of him and his brother on a school day, there was a big smile plastered on Jeasung’s face, but a six year old Yoongi looked like someone stole his favorite toy, you laughed thinking it was the same upset face he had when something was bothering him, he still looked the same.

Yoongi’s mom explained that his youngest son never liked to wear his high school uniform, she told you that she had to dress him several hours earlier so he could get used to it and forget he was wearing it when it was time to leave.

“Of course he never got used to it.” She complained, “But it’s normal, life itself it’s like a uniform for this kid.” His mother never failed to tease Yoongi, and he only laughed because he heard you laughing.

But she was not wrong, Yoongi always thought that his clothes didn’t fit him well and that his shoes were uncomfortable for him, he never liked being in his parent's car for too long because the seatbelt was too tight. He was irrationally afraid of thunder and the dark, he liked to stay at home most of the time and watched maybe too much tv. As a kid Yoongi thought that perhaps his body belonged to another planet, he believed that someone dropped him on earth and expected him to get used to this life, a life that wasn’t for him, to a bed that couldn't fit him, to a house full of rules that he didn’t know how to follow. When he grew up he was quick to blame the rural town he was raised in, he used to say that it held him back, but when he moved to the city he found out there was no apartment big enough to fit his heart. And when he met you last summer, he noticed that suddenly his clothes fitted him just right and that his shoes were never the problem. Maybe his body never belonged to earth or to mars, but belonged to you. As he watched you observing his baby photos he remembered what Jungkook said, you liked simple things, he realized he liked them too.

He spent an hour with you and his parents, until his father decided to go to bed and Yoongi noticed it was his turn to take a shower, but his mother didn’t care that it was almost midnight, instead she poured you another cup of tea.

“I’ll go to take a shower.” Yoongi announced, “After that, we’ll go to sleep.”

“You don’t tell me when it’s my bedtime.” You joked, turning the page of the birthday photo album.

But when Yoongi got out of the shower after twenty minutes, he opened the door of his bedroom and found you there, changing into your pajamas. You jumped, startled when you saw him “You scared me.”

Yoongi murmured a quick ‘sorry’, sitting at the edge of the bed as he observed you change, noticing that your pajamas were actually just an old shirt of his.

There were many scenarios where Yoongi pictured you and him together, but this was never one of them. You, in the middle of his childhood bedroom doing basic things such as getting ready to bed. It was different from the bedroom at his apartment, this was the bedroom where he grew up and knew all his life, all those events from today made him feel like an arrow pierced through his chest and made his heart bleed, like he was high and couldn’t open his eyes properly because he was so blinded of love.

He wouldn’t like to call it the honeymoon phase, that would annoy him, but he could tell he was so drunk in you that the withdrawal of you being apart could hurt him terribly. That night he hoped to get tangled with your body one last time before giving away all his fears, he hoped to get in bed, kiss your face and whisper the truth to you, you were part of him, you had embedded yourself in his soul and now he couldn’t picture his childhood home without thinking that you were part of it all along, he had been waiting for you, he had been waiting to feel like everything was okay.

“It’s strange seeing you here.” He told you, making you turn around to see him “It's like running into your teacher in the supermarket.”

You giggled. “It’s strange for me too, being in the room where you probably brought a hundred girls.”

Yoongi looked around his room, asking himself how you didn’t notice yet. He thought that the poster of Slam Dunk in the back of the door would have given him away, maybe the stickers of Batman in his wardrobe, but you were dead serious. “You are crazy if you think I ever brought a girl to this room.”

You frowned, walking to lay in bed next to him. “I don’t believe you.”

“I’m not lying.” He insisted “When my brother left for college and left me the room I was like fourteen, I was not very popular with girls back then.”

“And later?” You questioned.

“Later I moved in with Seokjin when I was like seventeen. Besides, the fear that I had of my mom finding out that I sneaked someone here was stronger than anything else.”

You looked like you were doing the math in your mind, after calculating, you said one simple word that made Yoongi choke. “Virgin.” You pronounced.

Yoongi glared at you, offended. “No, you’re wrong, that doesn’t mean I was a virgin before moving in with Seokjin.”

“So your bed is a virgin.”

“Yeah, whatever.” Now Yoongi turned to you, laying on top of you and placing himself between your legs to kiss you softly. He was just trying to be sweet, but you knew better. He grabbed your hips and pressed you firmly against him, breaking the kiss to leave a few pecks on your lips. “I mean, if you want to…” He offered, making you scoff.

“I will kick you in the balls, stop.” You whined, grabbing him by his shoulders to stop him from kissing you again.

“Okay, I’ll stop for now.” He said, not really convincing you. For now, he changed the subject. “What did my mom tell you in the garden?”

You squint your eyes, trying to remember “Oh, nothing, really.” You replied, tilting your head to see him more clearly. “We were talking about her plants. She wanted to know how many I could name.”

He laughed just by thinking of it, of course his mom would do that.

“What, like a test?”

“It seemed like it.” You said, laughing too. “But the good news is that I think I passed.”

“That gave you points.”

“Do you think?” You wondered out loud “Do you think she liked me?”

“Wasn’t it obvious?” He laughed, “I’ll get her review tomorrow, but dad already told me.”

“What did he say?” You wanted to know.

You noticed that Yoongi’s dad was very quiet, just like him, he said just the right amount of words, unlike his mother, who couldn't stop talking for a minute. Yoongi said that they complemented each other.

“He said you were a very polite girl, and that you were funny but too pretty for me.”

You pouted “That’s not true, you are a pretty boy.”

He smiled, fighting for his life not to blush “That’s what I said as well.”

“They don’t have much faith in you.” You joked. Yoongi sighed, thinking that it might be true, his dad joked and asked him where did he got you from, where in the word he had found you, he kept his answer to himself, he couldn’t say to his father that he felt like the stars aligned the day he met you, he would laugh in his face.

“You said it yourself, I have a bad boy reputation to keep up with.” He murmured, reminding you when he bought you a necklace and you said that you wouldn’t tell anyone that he was so sweet. “But I hoped that changed, he told me not to fuck up.”

You saw his smile and silently wondered when you were going to stop visibly melting under his gaze, the whole conversation had your heart jumping inside your chest, you were afraid it would run away from your chest.

“That’s great advice.” Your voice came as a whisper.

“Yeah, I mean, I’m trying.” He scoffed, laying his head on your shoulder and burying his nose in the crook of your neck.

As the silence took over the room, Yoongi felt your hands in the back of his neck, running your fingers through his hair and feeling like it was time to sleep, but Yoongi’s mind was still racing.

“Did you have a good time today?” He asked before you fell asleep, you just hummed in response. “Will you come back with me next time?”

“Yes.” You laughed “Will you bring me back?”

“Of course.” He murmured against your neck “I didn’t bring you here just to meet my parents.”

“Didn’t you?” You frowned, making raise his head to look at you again. He shook his head in response. “Was there another reason?”

While you grabbed the wet strands of his hair that fell on his face to curl them around your fingers, he pretended to think his answer. “Yes, I brought you here so you know that I’m serious about you, I want you to be part of every part of my life.” He tried to sound cool, he hoped you didn’t notice he practiced that sentence the whole ride while you were sleeping and minutes ago in the shower.

You couldn’t escape from his words when he was just centimeters away from your face, it was impossible not to blush.

“Where is this coming from?” You asked, not being able to hide your smile.

Where was this coming from? He remembered suddenly. Yoongi knew you from head to toe, he memorized every part of you face, he knew every single mole in your body, he knew what sound you made when you were about to wake up, he knew exactly what you liked and you didn’t like, yet it was ridiculous how unsure he was about your decision to stay with him. In that moment where the light from the lamp on his nightstand illuminated the right side of your face and made only one of your eyes shine, he looked at you and could only read one thing in your eyes; ‘finally’, they said. How relieved he was in that instant.

“From a lot of places.” He confessed. “I don’t want to hide how I feel and make the same mistakes twice, so I needed to tell you.”

It was not shocking to you that Yoongi had these thoughts once in a while, but you were happy that he was okay with talking about it with you. “It’s okay, you don’t need to worry about that.” You whispered “But it’s nice to hear that, I want you in my life too, for as long as I can keep you.”

Yoongi laughed, you had no idea that it was the other way around.

“Forever, then.” He offered, rubbing his nose against yours.

“Okay, but first you have to tell me you love me.” You murmured “To seal the deal, so I can be sure.”

“I love you, baby.” He said in a sweet tone, making your heart melt like it was the first time you were hearing it, like it was a confession.

“That’s good news, I love you too.”

Friends

You always believed that to be a good lover, you had to be a good friend first. Maybe that’s why things didn’t work out with your last boyfriend, he hardly ever cared about you the way you cared about him. What’s love if not friendship first? A friend is always there, always knows what to say and if that’s not the case, a friend always listens. A friend always saves your seat in crowded rooms and knows how to read your mind when you want to escape. A friend knows every part of you, even the embarrassing ones, the most damaged ones. A friend knows your past and knows your flaws, knows your favorite songs and the food you don’t like. A friend knows that one person you despise and talks shit about them with you even if they don’t know them, a friend knows your family drama and maybe the color of your toothbrush.

Yoongi was that kind of friend to you, except that he also was the kind of friend who kissed you during the nights and early in the morning, a friend who shared shirts and socks with you, a friend who memorized every part of your body and the kind who took showers with you. If Yoongi wasn’t your friend you couldn’t let him see you hungover, or allow him to hold your hair if you were vomiting in the bathroom, you considered that it was a perfect balance.

Eight months after you began dating, he had left and returned from tour after three months of not seeing him. You barely saw him at the airport when you welcomed him that morning, but as soon as you arrived at his apartment, he fell asleep on his bed after a short kissing session. You only visited him once last month when he surprised you with a plane ticket as a present when he couldn’t be there for your graduation, but a month was too long to be apart from him, even if he texted and called every day and sent pictures of him after his shows. Now his hair was longer and you could see a bit of facial hair on his chin, but you liked him like that.

You wished you could wait for him to wake up to spend the night with him, but he had come back a few days earlier and you already had plans to go to a bar with Yongsun and Nayeon that same night, but you had promised Yoongi that when you were done you would make Nayeon drop you at his apartment.

What is love if not friendship first? If Yoongi wasn't your friend, you would never have allowed him to see you in the state you were in when you came back to his house that night.

Yoongi was about to hit the tenth hour of sleep when he was woken up by the sound of someone trying to open the door. In the distance, he heard the key hitting the wood but never entering the lock, he knew it was you, but he was too sleepy to realize that you were far too drunk to open the door in the first try (or the second and third one). You told him you were coming back not after two, but when he looked at the clock on his nightstand and saw that it was almost five, he decided to stay in bed, thinking that you were just struggling to open the door in the dark. When he thought he was about to enter into another dream, his sleep was once again interrupted by the sound of your high heels stumbling through the hallway. Were you with someone? Your laugh could reach his ears from his bedroom, were you alone? What were you laughing about?

He should’ve known you weren’t in your five senses before your silhouette appeared at the entrance of your bedroom, now with your shoes in your hands, leaning on the wall as you tried not to stumble with your own feet. You clearly didn’t notice he was awake, so he took advantage of that.

In the dark, he saw you walking towards the mirror beside his bed, covering your mouth and trying not to laugh when you saw your reflection. Your make up was ruined and your hair was a mess, for some reason it was the funniest thing to you.

Yoongi waited silently on the bed until you decided to join him, but you seemed to be taking your time, soon enough you began stripping from your clothes as you danced to a song playing in your mind, then you began to hum it. You left your jacket on the floor, then you decided to unzip the black dress you were wearing, staying in your underwear only. Yoongi couldn’t recognize the song, he felt like it was a private moment between you and yourself only, even if he had seen you with less clothes than that, he felt guilty for spying on you, but it was too funny to look away. He tried not to laugh and pursed his lips when he saw that you had almost finished your little dance, you brushed your hair with your fingers and adjusted your underwear. Before you got into bed, you turned around and took one last look in the mirror, except this time you were notably checking your butt.

You giggled one last time before getting under the covers. He closed his eyes, scared to be caught watching you.

He felt your hands shaking his head, trying to wake him up. “Bubba, I’m here.” You slurred, hugging his body close to yours. Yoongi pretended to wake up and opened his eyes.

“What are you doing?” He asked, faking a sleepy tone on his voice and wrapping his arms around your torso. “Why are you naked?”

“I’m not… naked.” You chuckled “Not completely.”

Yoongi took a second to scan your face in the dark, which was smudged with dark gray eyeshadow and glitter. That night you seemed to have worn red lipstick, but now it was all faded, that happened when you drank (vodka, he could smell it).

“It’s cold.” He informed you, feeling your cold feet trying to find his own so he could warm them. “And it’s late.”

It was not usual for you to get drunk, so Yoongi had barely seen this phase of you in the last months. He quickly learned that you were a happy drunk, laughing at him when he told you it was too late to wake him up. It was funny, and Yoongi thought it was the end of it, but when you kissed him, trying to shut him up, he knew you were going to be awake for a bit longer before finally sleeping.

It turned out that you didn’t only smell like vodka, but you taste like it too, that and watermelon as well. If you hardly ever got drunk it was because you didn’t like most alcoholic drinks, of course you were going to get drunk with cocktails. But your kiss was slow and sweet, and he liked watermelon after all. You only pulled away to kiss his nose.

“Did you have a good time?” He asked, hoping that small talk will tire you, needless to say that he was about to fail.

“I was missing you the whole time.” You replied, taking him by surprise when you began to straddle his lap to get on top of him, leaning to kiss his lips again. “But yes, I did.”

“What about your friends?” He murmured against your lips, but you didn’t want to stop kissing him. “Was Nayeon the designated driver?”

“Mhm, yes. She had to take care of me.” You laughed, sneaking your hands under his shirt. “She was afraid I would throw up in her new car.”

Yoongi was sure you were staining him with the red lipstick that remained on your lips when you began to leave small kisses on his neck, but you seemed happy, so he supposed it was okay. “I would be afraid of that too.” He joked. “What about Yongsun?”

“Oh, you wouldn’t believe me.” You exclaimed, being a bit too loud “She danced with a guy and kissed him, he wanted to go home with her.”

“What?” He asked, running his hands down your thighs. “Did she say yes?”

“Mmm, no, girl’s night only. But can you imagine?”

Yoongi hummed, happy to hear you talk about your night but knowing that you were not in the mood for sleeping yet. “What about you?” He continued to ask “Did you dance with a lot of boys?”

You gasped at the assumption “Me? Of course not.” You denied, leaning forward to kiss him again. “However, I must confess, I’m a pretty girl, bubba, a lot of guys approached me.”

“Yeah?” He raised his eyebrows, not willing to picture the image in his head. You nodded “And what did you say to them?”

“I said that I was not interested because I have a boyfriend.” You said in a pout, encouraging him to kiss you again.

Even if he tried to be strong and send you to sleep, he was too tangled in your games to run away from your kisses, or from you anyway. “Mhm, such a good girl.” He hummed against your mouth.

Suddenly, you pulled away from him. “Don’t say that.” You whined. “I’m already horny and I know you won’t fuck me since I’m tipsy.”

A loud laugh escaped from Yoongi’s mouth, surprised at your confession. “Are you horny?”

“Don’t act like you didn’t know.”

“I didn’t.” He denied. “And you’re not tipsy, you’re drunk as hell.”

“Whatever.” You huffed. “I was thinking about it the whole ride home.”

“Is that why you’re naked?” He kept laughing.

“I’m not naked.” You insisted. “But yes…”

Over the past months you naturally made a lists of ‘do not fuck if’ without noticing. You were the one who started it, telling him that you weren’t going to have sex if you were already showered or if it was wednesday, which was the day you were most tired. You had made very clear that you weren’t going to fuck him if you were on his parent’s house or while having a shower in your apartment if Nayeon was around. Of course Yoongi was the one who tried to do it in all those situations like it was a bucket list for him, but he had only one condition that could not be broken: do not fuck if you’re drunk. This was never a problem until that night.

Yoongi noticed that you were letting too many words out of your mouth, words that you would be embarrassed to remember you said the next day, that’s when he knew that it was time to sleep, but first, he wanted to tease you just a little more, that was allowed.

He grabbed your hips and put you down next to him, pressing your body against his. “And what were you thinking?” He asked you, making you believe that he was about to break. You were too drunk to notice that he was just playing with you.

“I don’t know If I can say.” You whispered, grazing your fingers over his face.

“C’mon, baby, you can tell me.” He insisted, but he had an idea of what you were thinking. “You wanted to ride me?”

“Well, yes.” You sighed, looking at his lips, tempted to catch them between your teeth. “But I really don’t have the energy to do that now, so then I thought that you should do all the work.”

It was maybe the first time that Yoongi heard you talk about sex like it was a procedure. “All the work?” He laughed. “Should I just open your legs and do all the work?”

You seemed offended by that offering. You frowned, shaking your head. “No!” You protested, “You must be… romantic.”

Yoongi scoffed. “I’m always romantic.” He said, reaching for your lips, opening your mouth lazily to briefly introduce his tongue, getting your hopes high again. You gripped his shirt, but he pulled away before you could do something else. “Am I not? I bring you to my house, I fuck you in my bed, I let you sleep naked on it, I make you breakfast. I’m romantic.”

“But you aren’t being very romantic right now.” You murmured against his mouth. “And I’m not naked.”

“I’m not fucking you tonight, you’re very drunk and I can be romantic in other ways.” He finally said, but you weren’t willing to give up yet.

“I don’t want other ways.” You kept insisting “I’m literally begging you.”

“You always do that, though.” He said, too cheeky for his own good. You rushed to cover his mouth with your hands, as if there was someone else in the room hearing.

“You can’t say that out loud.” You cried, trying to prevent him from talking again, but he was quick, biting your pinky finger to get himself free. You protested, but he didn’t pay attention.

“You’re the one begging to be fucked.” Yoongi laughed, but the frown on your face wasn’t going away. “Meet me halfway here, I can kiss you until you fall asleep if you want.” He tried to negotiate.

“You can kiss me somewhere else.” You said, making him snort. “I’m conscious enough, and I missed you this whole month”

“No, you’re not. And you’re going to regret saying that when you wake up.”

“Yoongi!” You cried.

“Oh, is it ‘Yoongi’ now?” He asked, wrapping you around one of his arms and making you rest your head on his shoulder, getting you ready to sleep. “It’s only ‘bubba’ when you’re trying to fuck me?”

“It’s only ‘Yoongi’ when I’m mad at you.” You groaned.

“I don’t care, it’s past your bedtime.”

“I didn’t know I had a curfew.” You kept trying to fight him.

“Tonight you do.”

“That sounded hot.” Now you were beginning to test your boyfriend’s patience.

“Oh my god.” He sighed, running one of his hands over his face.

“I like when you talk with a deep voice and you get all serious.” You kept going with your rant, but he was not having it anymore.

“Fine, stop.” He rushed to say “You can tell me all about that tomorrow, I promise I’ll do anything you ask me, but now it’s time to sleep.”

You turned your head to the clock beside you and saw the hour you came back home, you had no idea it was that late. “You could say it’s early.”

“Baby…” He warned you, last warning. Your gaze was kind of blurry and you were not as conscious as you bragged to be. It was difficult to admit that you were about to give up.

“Okay, I’ll sleep.” You said, snuggling near his chest, “But is the kissing session offer still available?”

“No, I don’t trust you anymore.” Yoongi had already closed his eyes “But I can allow a reduced amount of kisses.”

Finally surrendering to his conditions, you stretched out a bit and kissed him three times before falling asleep.

After that night you made sure no one else saw you that drunk, it was like a part of you that you didn’t know. You would have preferred not to remember anything the next day you woke up, but you remembered every single thing that you said. Even if someone erased your memory, Yoongi would have been there to remind you of the whole conversation, he couldn’t stop teasing you for the whole month.

A friend surely was in charge to stop other people seeing you in that state before you start vomiting every word that crossed your mind, but that wouldn’t prevent him from keeping those moments to himself. You promised to control yourself the next morning, but you forgot about it weeks later when you shared way too many glasses of wine with Yoongi one night, luckily there was no one around, and this time you weren’t drunk on vodka like before, so Yoongi laid on the couch and poured you the last glass before deciding it was time to turn off the lights and go to sleep, if were for you, you would have spent the whole night there, talking with him without noticing the words were slipping out you mouth.

You could tell that his eyes were becoming smaller and that his voice sounded deeper, he was getting sleepier but you couldn’t stop talking.

“We should get in bed already.” He announced “Before you tell me all your secrets and regret it the next day.”

“I’m not that drunk, you’re just trying to get rid of me.” You snuggled next to him, shaking your head. “And I don’t think that will work, you already know all my secrets.”

“Do I?” He doubted.

“Mhm.”

“Like what?”

Maybe Yoongi didn’t notice, but you told him a million things that you never told anyone else.

“Like when I told you that I shoplifted that MAC store back home.” You reminded him, making him laugh. “I don’t tell that to anyone because people think I would steal their makeup.”

“But you were like seventeen.” He said.

“Well, but I don’t regret it.” You admitted.

“You just told me that because I don’t use any makeup.”

You huffed, thinking about it “Maybe I keep a secret or two from you.” You confessed. “But a girl needs to have secrets.”

“Like what?” He asked again.

“Don’t manipulate me into telling you my secrets.” You said, dragging your words. He chuckled, leaning to kiss your lips briefly.

“Tell me all your secrets.” He insisted, whispering against your lips. You swallowed, feeling like his piercing eyes were burning your skin.

“I can’t tell you all of them.” You tried to be firm.

“How many you’ve got?” He kept insisting.

“A few… I don’t know.” You answered, counting them in your head, but you were too tipsy to even try. Even if you could, you would forget half of them.

“Tell me five.” He said, grabbing your waist and pulling you closer to him. Taking advantage of your position and kissing you once again, hoping you would fall for him, he tried to melt you with slow kisses while caressing your bare thighs with his fingertips. Yoongi was fine with you having secrets, he just wanted to know what you had to say that night.

You sighed against his mouth, “That’s too much.”

“I’m fine with three.”

You guessed you could find three things you never told anyone, three things that you knew Yoongi would keep for you.

(It should be noted that Jungkook’s plan to get you back together was off limits, you were drunk, not dumb)

“I never liked Nayeon’s food.” You said “She thinks that I always cook because I enjoy it but the truth is that I don’t like it when she does. But it’s a secret, don’t ever tell her.”

You didn’t want to be rude, so you kept it a secret. You thought that Yoongi would be surprised for some reason, or maybe it was your drunk self thinking that what you were saying was very shocking, but Yoongi looked like he already knew.

“Is that your secret?” He complained “I already knew that, it’s not a secret for me.”

“How did you know?” You asked, wide-eyed.

“I can see it in your face.” He explained. “I don’t think she knows, but I sure do.”

“Don’t ever tell her, Yoongi.” You begged like he was threatening to do it. “I tried to help her, but she never gets better.”

“Don’t worry.” He assured you “Your secret is safe with me.”

You believed him, even if he didn’t consider it a secret you kept from him. You tried to think of something that he couldn’t know just by looking at your face, which was the most difficult thing when Yoongi could read every expression of you.

“Okay, I have one that I don’t think you’ll guess.”

“Fine, let’s see.”

“I don’t like when you use socks in bed.” You spat “It’s really uncomfortable and you end up taking them off in the middle of the night.”

Now Yoongi was surprised, he never thought you were so bothered about his socks.

“Are you serious?” He questioned, but you seemed really sure of your statement.

“I’m serious.” You confirmed. “You do it especially at my apartment, you never care to look for them after you take them off and they just stay in the sheets until I find them. Do you know how many of your pairs of socks I have in my closet?”

Your boyfriend frowned at the question. He always bragged about being an organized person, what do you mean he has been forgetting socks at your place? What do you mean he never noticed?

“You don’t like when I wear socks to sleep?” He checked again, only for you to confirm it once again by shaking your head. “That doesn’t sound like a secret, that just sounds like you have a problem with me wearing socks when we sleep.”

You rolled your eyes “I get that you have cold feet, but once you are under the covers they get warm, you should know that since you take them off in the middle of the night.”

“Are you asking me to stop wearing socks in bed?” He asked, pretending to be offended. Of course you were too drunk to notice that, and even if he was almost completely sober, he seemed to be infected with your drunkenness as he spent more time beside you. The conversation began to sound silly, but he couldn’t stop pushing the topic. Was it so wrong that he forgot his socks between your sheets?

“I’m not asking you anything.” You whined, throwing your head back against his shoulder. “I’m just telling you my second secret.”

Yoongi scrunched his nose. “Your secrets are not really secrets, baby.” He said, making you roll your eyes again.

“Whatever, that’s all you’re gonna get.”

“Mmm, no. You still have one left.” He reminded you.

You raised your chin, realizing he was right.

Even drunk you could remember that there was a cabinet of secrets that you couldn’t say out loud, not even to Yoongi, like Jungkook’s plan or the things that made you jealous, they were things that maybe you were not ready to tell him yet, not because of him but because you really believed you should keep a few things for yourself. As he booped your nose with the tip of his finger, you thought that you could share at least one of that kind.

“Fine, but don’t laugh at me.” You warned him.

He raised both hands, claiming to be innocent. “I would never.” He assured you.

You squint, but in the end you just said it. “I like babies, I want one someday.” You confessed “Maybe a boy, but I’m fine with anything. I want to raise them in a house with a backyard in a pool. I never had a pool and my backyard was scary as hell, the grass was as tall as me.”

That did sound like a secret to Yoongi, he never knew about that. He stayed there, feeling like the blood drained from his face, even if he wanted to make fun of you, those words were now stuck on his throat. Surprised that having a baby was an illusion of yours, he didn’t know how he never noticed. He saw you cooing at babies on the street and how you were always so good tutoring middle school kids back when you hadn't graduated yet, but the thought never crossed his mind, he never saw you that way.

“You want to be a mother?” He asked. It seemed like you generated a short circuit in his brain.

“Yes, that’s what it means to have a baby.” You said.

“But when?” He continued to ask, almost worried. You laughed at that, of course you didn’t mean now.

“Someday, I don’t know. When I get the house with the pool, maybe when I find someone that wants a baby too.” You teased him, observing how he stopped looking surprised and he began to look upset.

“What do you mean when you find someone?” He protested. “I’m right here!”

“Mmm, I’m not sure about that.” You said, turning around to face him. He grabbed your waist, pulling you closer, if that was possible. “Do you want a baby, bubba?”

“Yes.” He affirmed without hesitation. “I want a baby if it’s with you.”

“Are you sure?” You asked, intertwining your fingers in the back of his neck “You don’t just say that to a girl.”

You were right, people just don’t say that to girls, but you weren’t just a girl for him. Right there, wrapped around your fingers, he felt his heart hammering against his chest, he never had that kind of conversation with anyone else, he wondered if any of his past girlfriends ever thought about sharing more than the present with him. Yoongi didn’t want to keep living in the past, but he couldn’t help but think about how different it was with you, even if it was terrifying to think that someone could trust him with being… a dad, that sounded so weird. The idea of having a kid was maybe years away from that moment, he couldn’t even grasp it. Babies were the epitome of fear for him, but he smiled at the thought that you had been thinking about it, it warmed his heart to think that you included him in the picture.

Yoongi couldn’t even think about the future without feeling dizzy, he was happy being your boyfriend, but it was like you pinched him and woke him up with that secret, was that what he wanted all this time? Maybe.

Being fair, he thought he should confess something as well.

“You aren’t just any girl to me.” He said “You’re the girl I love, the love of my life.”

Suddenly, you felt your heart dropping to your stomach “Am I?” You managed to ask.

Being in love was a curse, being in love with Yoongi was even worse. After eight months of dating him you still melted like butter when he opened his mouth and dropped the sweetest sentence he could ever say.

“Of course, I fought a lot with myself to figure that out, so I won’t back down now.” He murmured.

“I’m glad that you won, then.” You chuckled, leaving a peck on his lips.

He grabbed your face to keep you close to him and looked you straight in the eye, not willing to let it go yet. “Baby, please.” He asked, low enough so only you could hear him “Don’t have a baby with anyone else.”

You bit back a smile, trying to be serious. “I can promise that if you promise not to tell anyone my secrets.”

Yoongi nodded repeatedly, “I can promise that.”

Good thing that a friend knew how to keep secrets.

Now the bottle of wine was empty and your head began to spin more than before, it was about time that you vomited your last words of the night.

“And by the way,” You said, catching his attention with your sleepy voice “I feel like you’re the love of my life too.”

What would Yoongi of the past think of the Yoongi that was seated next to you now? He wouldn’t believe he was now hanging by a thread, hoping that your next words wouldn’t be your last and being so in love that his heart was about to give up. That's how it felt to listen to you, drunk and tired, confessing once again your love for him.

“How is it that you feel it?” He asked, curious enough to let his mind speak for him.

“Do you think it’s too early to tell?” You wondered out loud. “I never loved anyone like you, I don’t think this would ever happen to me again. I just feel it on my chest.”

That made sense, Yoongi felt it on his chest too. He didn’t want the feeling to wear off as one month faded into another, but it stayed, he guessed you were the reason. There wasn’t a trace of doubt in your eyes, he could only hope you saw the same thing in him.

Home

Fridays were always the same since you started at your new teaching job at a high school near Yoongi’s apartment, you woke up in your bed, took the subway, tried to finish your hours peacefully and visited Yoongi to have dinner with him.

This time was different, you took the subway back home and tried not to look at your phone.

You reminded yourself that fights in relationships were normal, but you didn’t expect Yoongi to still be mad after three days. After the big fight you had that night that made you think you wouldn’t see him again, you decided to communicate better, to talk things before exploding, so you didn’t have big fights since then, maybe silly ones about house rules or tiny discussions that were long forgotten within an hour, but never three days.

If you ever thought that Yoongi could not be any more stubborn, you were wrong.

It started on wednesday, when you came to visit like every other day, but he seemed to be drowning in his thoughts, dragging his feet and zoning out every five minutes without realizing. It was not about work, that much you knew, there was something else in his mind, but he didn’t say a word about it.

When you began washing the dishes, he stood by your side, quiet as ever, letting you do all the talking about your day and hardly answering your questions. You were almost sure you had nothing to do with his mood, if something was bothering him he was the first one to bring it up, but this was not the case. He usually saved these moments to tell you something about his week as he waited for you to finish, he struggled to get the words out, but at the end he just said it.

It turned out that Yoongi had some trouble with some deal he closed a few weeks ago, he had been offered to make an appearance at a rap show that was being held a month from now, someone had stepped down last minute and he was offered the spot. He would love to do it, the only reason he wasn’t part of the initial line up was because he had a break planned for this time of the year.

Yoongi had said yes, signed the contract, closed the deal, and the next week found out by Hoseok that none other than Park Jimin was hosting the event. Once again, Yoongi felt like a coward, wanting to call it quits and forget about the whole thing. All of his friends who were going to be part of the show laughed at him for not being aware that his ex best friend was hosting and was also one of the headliners, but these weeks Yoongi had been too caught up with normal life to know who was performing at a show he wasn’t going to be part of to begin with, and yes, maybe he was going to go since he was probably going to get free tickets from his friends who were performing, like Namjoon or Hoseok.

He felt like someone slapped him on the face when he realized he was an adult and couldn’t run away just because Jimin was part of the event.

You knew Jimin and Yoongi's history too well, they met each other as soon as Yoongi arrived to Seoul when he was seventeen, he was still renting recording studios per hour, selling his tracks for cheap prices to pay the rent of the dorm that shared with Seokjin and working full time delivering pizza. Jimin was an aspiring dancer and singer, it was like underdogs seemed to find each other in the streets of Seoul, when Jimin met Yoongi no one could separate him from his older friend.

Ten years of friendship didn’t disappear just like that, Yoongi began to distance himself from everybody as soon as Dasom, his ex girlfriend, started to have problems and her addiction became worse, mostly from Jimin.

Maybe Jimin had a list of reasons that made him want stop seeing Yoongi for good, reasons that chased Yoongi in his sleep every october when he knew Jimin’s birthday was approaching, but he knew that Jimin’s last straw was when Dasom was too drunk at a gathering full of his friends and began to make Jimin uncomfortable when she began to crack jokes about cancer. Dasom was always known for his “dark humor” and not being politically correct, but no one expected her to make those jokes when one of Jimin’s closest friends had passed away of that same disease not even a year ago. Jimin stormed out of the room, having Yoongi follow him to try and talk to him. Back then Yoongi thought Dasom was too overtaken by his addiction to even understand what she was saying, but Jimin knew she never liked the relationship he had with Yoongi, she was jealous she didn’t take all the attention from him, the same happened with his brother and family. Yoongi didn’t want to see it, he wasn’t trying to defend her but he asked him not to pay her attention. Jimin couldn’t do that, he was heartbroken, not hurt by Dasom but hurt by his friend’s words, he wished Yoongi would have stood up for him, said something since his words got stuck in his throat as he expected someone to say anything because he couldn’t utter a word. Yoongi regretted it every night, he will always remember how Jimin said that Dasom had always been horrible as a person, she always made those kinds of jokes and Yoongi just tried to ignore them because he loved her, this wasn’t nothing new of her. That was the last time they talked, even if Yoongi tried to call him, Jimin was determined not to see him ever again, too hurt to even think of talking to him again.

Still so stubborn, that wednesday night, after he vomited all his thoughts, he hoped for you to say that he should go to the show, and that he shouldn’t be uncomfortable around Jimin, he hoped to hear you saying that even if it was bad that he defended Dasom in that situation, Jimin should’ve understood that Yoongi was in a shitty place and couldn’t be in the middle of the two of them. Imagine how upset he was when you told him that you understood his position back then, but maybe he should consider calling Jimin before overthinking the whole situation and figure things out with him, he should at least try, maybe something good could come out of it.

Yoongi was not happy with that answer, he just wanted to hear you say something that just magically would make him feel okay, he was terrified of facing Jimin after so many years. The outcome was different, he went asleep upset and stopped texting after you left for work the next day.

You weren’t mad at him, he needed time to think, you knew that he just wanted someone to endorse his stubborn behavior of running away from his problems.

That night you ate alone, Nayeon was suspiciously out (not to party) for the fourth friday this month, so you were on your own. There were no texts from anybody on your phone, no missed calls, no instagram messages of cat videos, no invitations to a party, not even a mail from the school. Being a substitute teacher wasn’t so hard for now, you had taken the job of a teacher who had a maternity leave, but you supposed she was a workaholic since she sent you the full schedule for the rest of the school year, so that left you with almost no work for the weekend expect for the papers you had to grade.

Embracing your loneliness, you took out a pot of ice cream and put on a movie for the rest of the night.

You thought that a night without you wouldn’t kill Yoongi, but as your eyes started to close and the movie was coming to an end, the sound of your vibrating phone startled you from your sleep. It was past midnight when Yoongi called you.

“Hello?” You answered, your sleepy voice reaching the other line.

“Were you sleeping?” He asked, without even saying hi.

“No, I’m in a club and came to the bathroom to answer.” You teased him, you could almost see how he rolled his eyes.

“Ha-ha, so funny.” He said. “What were you doing?” His voice was soft, being careful knowing you hadn’t spoken since you left his house.

“Just watching a movie, about to sleep, actually.”

There was a few seconds of silence on his line, but then, he made the question he was planning to ask when he called. “Why didn't you come home today?”

“I have a home of my own, actually.” You said, not breaking character.

“You know what I mean.” He insisted.

“I just didn’t think you wanted me there today.” You were just saying that to talk about the topic, sometimes Yoongi believed he could get away from trouble without facing it first.

“Don’t be silly, I always want you here.”

You rolled in bed, looking at the window to check if it was raining yet, but it wasn’t, though the sky looked like it was about to.

“I don’t know about that.” You said in a high pitch. “I was getting another message when you stopped texting yesterday.”

Yoongi was still not ready to admit he got mad at you.

“I guess we’re from different generations, I’m not on my phone all the time like you.” He tried to defend himself.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.” You huffed. “We’re not from different generations when you ask for nudes in the middle of the night, aren’t we?”

You heard Yoongi almost choking, struggling to find words to fight you back on the other line.

“Fine.” He said, giving up “You’re right, I’m sorry for not texting. And I’m sorry for getting mad at you, I wasn’t ready to hear what you said, I just needed some time alone.”

You sighed, hearing how the rain began to hit against your window.

“It’s okay, I understand.” You told him “You can take your time, just don’t lock yourself alone in your room forever.”

Yoongi smiled as he laid on his bed, wishing you were there with him. “Can’t promise that.” He joked, making you laugh.

There was a moment of silence between the two of you, the sound of the rain filling the room as you waited for the other one to say something else.

“What were you doing awake this late, grandpa?” You murmured, wrapping yourself in the blankets once again.

“I wanted to talk to you, to say sorry, tell you something.” He answered, making you curious.

“What you wanted to tell me?”

“I’ve been thinking about what you said, about calling Jimin.” He said “I don’t know, I was not ready to consider that, not ready to get rejected by him.”

“Things can always be different.” You encouraged him.

“Well, yes. I know, but my mind works in strange ways.” He laughed, you sensed a bit of wavering in his voice “I made a decision today and I called him, just got off the phone with him.”

You gasped, startling him from the other side of the phone. “Really?” You almost yelled, the excitement leaking from your voice. “What did you say? What did he say?”

“Not as much as I would want to, I told Namjoon to get me his number and he did, I spent the whole day thinking of what should I say, imagining what he would tell me” He replied “He picked up, didn’t sound angry or mad, just surprised… I told him I regretted taking so long, he told me it was okay, we talked for about an hour without thinking about our fight, I actually talked him about you.”

“You did?”

“Yeah, I told him you were the one who pushed me to call him, and then decided to meet to… talk properly.” It took almost three years for Yoongi to make that call, and Jimin only seemed to be struck by nostalgia when he heard Yoongi’s voice, he hadn’t stopped thinking about his friend either. It was weird, it wasn’t like he wasn’t angry anymore, but both regretted how things ended. Yoongi didn’t know that, for some reason, he thought that for Jimin it was easier to forget about him.

“Oh, baby, I’m so happy for you.” You said in a high pitched voice. “Everything will work out fine, I know it because you deserve it.”

“I hope it works out too.” He murmured under his breath. “I just wanted to thank you, I guess you were right. You are always right, it’s annoying.”

“You should get used to it already.”

“Yeah, I suppose I should.” He said, you could almost hear him smile. “I’m still upset that you didn’t come home, we could still be mad at each other while cuddling.”

“Mmm, I don’t know about that.” You laughed just by thinking of that situation “I’m having a pretty good time in my bed without your big feet taking up all the space.”

“That’s rude.” He sounded offended. “I’m sure you like my big feet.”

“Oh my god, gross, shut up.” You said, scrunching your nose.

“Whatever, I’m just saying… You should drop by.”

“Now?” You asked, “It already started to rain.”

“I’ll send an uber.” He offered.

“How romantic, I thought you were going to come pick me up.” You kept teasing him.

“The car is in the garage and I’m on my bed already, romanticism can wait until you get here.” He tried to convince you without much success.

“I don’t see why you should stay comfortable on your bed and I should go to you.”

“Because you love me, I don’t know.” He chuckled “C’mon, baby, I just want to sleep with you tonight, in my bed.”

He didn’t need to beg too much before you folded, it didn’t take much to convince you when he said he was going to pay the uber, so you put on a hoodie and your flip flops and waited for the uber at your doorstep.

“Were you just booty calling me?” You managed to get out, shifting in your place as you laid under him, grabbing his shoulders to gain some balance.

This was supposed to be a cold rainy night, you were supposed to get in Yoongi’s bed and cuddle before falling asleep. That was the usual routine of fridays, you visited him after work and took a nap before dinner was ready, you left parties and meetings with your friends for the weekends, friday nights were to rest. You began to believe that you spent too much time next to Yoongi the way you refused to leave the house after ten pm, especially during winter.

You knew him too well not to notice how the situation was getting sidetracked the more time you spent together in that bed. He hugged you and showered you with kisses as he apologized for not texting or calling once again, asking you about your day and talking about Jimin a little bit more before his kisses began to trail down your neck and his warm hands sneaked under your big shirt, pulling you closer to catch your lips between his teeth.

“Don’t say that.” He groaned, thrusting languidly inside you as his fingers dug into the skin of your hips, setting a slow pace “I just missed you.”

Shutting you up with a kiss, you knew it was one of those nights for Yoongi. You didn’t know if you finally managed to break him at times, but there were nights like these when he couldn’t help but show how maniacally in love he was. He got rid of your clothes and took all the time in the world just for you, burying his head in your neck, being patient and careful, sucking love bites on your chest, showering you in praises and sweet words, fucking you deep and slow as he tried to prolong the feeling of your walls dragging up and down his cock for as long as possible.

He loved to tease and play with you, but he discovered he also loved giving you what you wanted just how you wanted, hearing you purr in his ear and sigh in relief as he sank himself inside your pussy, running his hands all over you body and fucking you lazily enough for you not to know when your orgasm was about to hit.

Arching your back, you pressed your body against him to meet his hips with urgency. He had been drilling in and out of you for a hot minute now, you began to feel your body becoming hotter, or maybe it was just his body, burning on top of you as he rolled his hips against you, responding to your body in an attempt to drive you insane.

“My sweet girl.” He murmured, brushing his lips against your own “Made just for me, always fitting me so well.”

He stole a kiss from your swollen lips, opening your mouth to slip his tongue inside, sucking on your tongue until you forgot how to kiss him properly and moaning on his mouth.

You felt yourself getting tighter around him, you supposed that by now you were well adjusted to his body but every time you seemed to be wrong. You felt his skin brushing over your clit and his body getting heavier on top of you, your orgasm began to build so slowly that you almost didn’t notice it, “I think I’m close.” You cried, digging your fingers into his shoulders.

He nodded, kissing your forehead “I know, baby. I’m close too.” He breathed out, his hand reaching for one of your hands to intertwine your fingers with him. “Where do you want it?” He asked.

“Just… inside me, please.” You pleaded, too intoxicated to think of anything else. He already knew your answer, but your words made his cock throb inside you anyway, making you shut your eyes closed, overwhelmed as he pounded inside you, picking up a faster pace.

It didn’t go unnoticed to Yoongi how in love he felt that night, he was sure that your whines and the little sounds you made were going to chase him in his sleep for a whole week, echoing through his mind, making him wake up in the middle of the night feeling like his skins was on fire. His mind didn’t make fully sense that you were his, so he had to repeat it out loud to you all the time. “Mmm, do you want me to fill you up?” His voice sounded raspy, meaning that he was in the same position as you, he could barely handle the way you were clenching around him.

You nodded repeatedly, not willing to open your mouth in case your voice failed you, but Yongi got drunk with the expression on your face, your mouth hanging open as you moaned, your hooded eyes fighting to see him clearly and your swollen lips just begging to be bit. You squeezed his hand, letting him know you were just a second to come undone, “Baby I’m- Shit, shit, shit.” Your words were cut by the feeling of shock waves of pleasure washing all over your body, sobbing his name as he helped you ride your climax, pounding in and out of your cunt as your whole body shivered.

“You did so well, baby.” He hissed, thrusting for the last time, urging to reach his own climax “Such a good girl.”

Just the sound of you sobbing his name was enough for him to finally snap, spilling himself inside you as he groaned your name, pounding inside you for the last time before he carefully removed himself from you, crumbling on top of you.

Yoongi looked at you, with eyes full of love, about to fall asleep. “You’re so cute.” He murmured, leaving a small kiss on your shoulder “And this wasn’t a booty call.” He cared to clarify once again. You ran your fingers through his hair, laughing. “Sometimes things turn out like this.”

“Yeah, I know, I was just teasing you.” You guaranteed him, kissing the tip of his nose.

“This is not fair, anyway.” He complained “If I want to see you in the middle of the night you have to take an uber to see me, it’s not fair.”

“I live only twenty minutes away, Yoongi.” You reminded him, but he didn’t like that answer, he rolled his eyes.

“I want you to live zero seconds away.” You heard him mumble against your neck “I don’t like this anymore.”

“What is that you don’t like?” You inquired, pulling away to see him properly.

“That you spend more time with Nayeon than with me.” He explained, making you giggle.

“Well, but someone has to pay the other half of the rent.” You said.

He huffed, grazing your fingers over your face “Mmm, I don’t care about that. I just don’t like you being away for so long.”

“For so long?” You repeated, laughing at him “Three days is that long?”

Of course it was, you knew it.

“Three days is eternity, baby.” He groaned, closing his eyes shut “I want to come home to you, don’t you?”

You tried to ignore your heart hammering against your ribcage, “I miss you all the time when you’re not with me,” You confessed, a smirk tugged from the corner of his lips, he looked at you for a second and then scoffed.

“You’re so cheesy.” He blurted out. You wasted no time in punching his arm, making him groan.

“And you’re so mean.” You complained “Don’t you miss me all the time as well?”

As much as Yoongi liked to tease you, you were right. “Yes, I do, I miss you all the time.” He admitted “I miss you right now knowing you will leave me tomorrow.”

“At least I can promise that I’ll text you.” You kept teasing him, but he was very persistent about his argument, he didn’t want to hear any of that.

“No, I don’t want you texting me.” He murmured, pulling you by your waist to press you to his bare torso. “Move in with me, baby.”

Yoongi watched your eyes widen in surprise, not knowing if he was serious.

“You want me to live with you here?” You asked, just in case.

“Yeah, this is basically your home too.”

“But what if you get sick of me?” You tried to argue, half joking, half being honest “What if you don’t like how I make the bed and how I fold my clothes?”

Yoongi squinted his eyes, wondering if that was a real concern of yours “I think we can figure that out along the way.”

You didn’t miss the feeling on your stomach when you thought about living here with him. You had been sharing lives for quite some time now, when he wasn’t at your apartment you were here, when you weren’t sleeping on his bed, he was sleeping in yours, but the routine of everyday was different, Nayeon was always around and you couldn’t act like the apartment was all yours. On the other hand, you could wander around freely at Yoongi’s apartment, you could wake up in your underwear and walk around the house as you prepared breakfast without problem, could dance in the kitchen without fearing that someone would catch you and hang out in the living room for as long as you wanted. But apart from that, waking up next to Yoongi every morning sounded really nice, he felt more like home than anybody else.

“Okay, deal.” You said “But I think I will miss sleeping with you in my bed.”

Yoongi snorts, mocking you. “Yeah, sure. Good thing I won’t.”

It was sad for you to see your bed go when someone who wanted to buy it on Facebook Marketplace came to pick it up by the end of the month, but it only meant a new start. You didn’t have many things, most of the furniture in the apartment belonged to Nayeon, including the couch where you had sex with Yoongi multiple times, poor her, she didn’t need to know how many times it happened.

But anyway, after that, there were many things to be excited about, at first it was your promotion as a titular teacher, there was family and friends and Holly, there was shared bottles of wine and summer nights, music and books, movies and food, there was holding hands during long walks in winter and calling in sick when it’s raining, and at the end of the day, there was always him.

Yoongi had wandered the world feeling like he was different for so many years, he resented the people that passed by on the street, thinking they had any kind of blame that he couldn’t stand living in his own skin, with a frown on his face, a hot black coffee without sugar on his hand and a bad attitude on the mornings, he believed himself to be disconnected from this world. Yoongi didn’t like his birthday, hated taking the bus, hated taxis, hated rainy and sunny days, hated flowers, they were for the death. He waited all year to get on stage and forget about all the people that he had hurt and all the people that hurt him, almost feeling like his life was slipping through his fingers. It was embarrassing to even admit that that only changed when he fell in love with you.

Love? He didn’t know a proper definition for that word, he just know he liked his birthday if you were going to be there, took the bus or a taxi if you were going to make him company, he liked rainy days if he was going to be cuddled in his bed with you, and sunny days didn’t seem so bad if you were beside him when he took Holly for a walk. He even started to like flowers when you bought a tulip for him on the first day of spring.

He wasn’t so different from everybody else, but maybe you were the different one, putting a smile on every situation and being optimistic, adoring your job, loving sugar, laughing at everyone’s jokes, even if they were bad. You had an efficiency to escape from the bureaucracy of school, work, society, life, how come he hadn't met you before?

He spent months trying to run away from you only to find out that he encountered you in every corner of his mind, in every corner of his bed, in every corner of his life. He was a fool if he thought he was the one keeping you, you were the one who decided to keep him.

Well, as you went on kissing him goodbye every morning, sharing baths with him after a long day, buying him tulips on spring days, Yoongi thought that as long as you were there, he should be okay.

taglist: @rvelvett @kimseokjinbangtan @minmin2022 @minvlush @bids97 @cowboylikevicky @jiimtaee @jjkmspace @localmoonchild @youre-on-your-ownkid @tarahardcore @kookstempo @yoongimentita7 @jwlmnbt @almosttoopizza @floriiansgrave @damn-u-min-yoongi @starbtslove @pelicanpizza @deliciouslydisturbed365 @g0lden-sunset @side-effectss @iwishselena @rosquilleta @funsizemarsbar92 @cosmiclatte-world @miss-jupiter @linosluna @staradorned @bxcndd

Lights Out, Words Gone

[yoongi x f!reader] [1.4k+ friends to lovers, light angst]

A/N: So, there was an attempt, by me. Heh. I'm just really trying to get back into creative writing. I used to enjoy writing, but no one told me that turning that into a career and years of writing newsletters and articles for corporate dulls the mind and at this point, even journaling feels like a chore. But if you found this fic and somewhat enjoyed it, I'm grateful.

-

It's ridiculous, you think to yourself. How can someone be easily disarmed by a smile?

One minute, you're furiously driving at 2 a.m. to fetch Yoongi from a dive bar—miles and hours from where you live so you're well within reason to cuss him out; the next, you're giggling next to him after he told you the lamest joke you've ever heard.

"Y/N, what did the full glass of water say to the empty glass of water?"

In no mood for his shenanigans, you slide the bottle of water you bought during the drive over, closer to him. Unperturbed, he continues with a grin, "You look drunk."

You let out an annoyed sigh. The joke doesn't even make sense, and yet, because it's Yoongi's gummy smile and his contagious giggles that echo across the empty chairs and fills the bar, your mood shifts.

Suddenly, you snort a laugh. Hearing your amusement, his giggles turn into hearty laughs, and you follow.

Yoongi catches his breath after a minute and fluffs his hair. Suddenly, he looks so soft and cuddly. You feel your breath winded.

Feeling compelled to break the silence, you tease, "Did you steal that joke from Jin?" You don't wait for an answer. You usher Yoongi out of the corner of the bar he hid himself in and he lets you push him out as he weakly argues, "Did not. I thought of it myself. I can make funny jokes too, you know." You hum in response, amused by the pout forming on his face.

-

Yoongi trudges straight to his bedroom as soon as you arrive in his place. You follow, wanting to at least make sure he's tucked in with a bucket on his side of the bed—a precaution, lest he hurls his guts in bed, which rarely happens. But better to be safe than sorry.

You eye Yoongi as he grabs a shirt from his drawer and take that as your cue to leave.

"Stay the night," his voice gravelly. You stop mid-journey out the door.

What.

"Uh, Yoongi—"

"It's too late to drive," he crosses the room and pulls your hand to take his shirt. "And if you think I'm letting you take the couch, I'm offended. Sleep here."

A beat passes. "It's not like we haven't shared a bed before," he winks.

Right. As if you'd forget. You remember all too well how Yoongi gets needy and cheesy when drunk—which is why you hesitate. You need to distance yourself before your feeling overwhelms you and make you do something you would regret.

"Remember hell weeks shared in Jin's fancy dorm room? You snored like a fucking berserk honking truck," he chuckles, probably remembering those younger versions of you whose only problems were exams and thesis defense.

The nostalgia hits you, and you quip, "Ya! I remember Jungkook and I pulling an all-nighter for all those times. It was actually you who loudly snored."

Yoongi erupts in soft gummy giggles as you playfully give him the stink eye.

-

Laying stiff beside him, you almost succeed in willing your mind to slip into dreamland when you hear comforters shuffling until you feel him closer to you.

"You awake?" he faces you. "I am now," you huff. You open your eyes to adjust to the dim room, the only light source coming from the street lamp post outside his bedroom window and the tiny static light of your charging phone on the bedside table.

"I just…" he starts, "I wanted to thank you for picking me up. The guys were either out of town or probably too deep in their sleep to hear their phones ring."

"Yes, well… I was on the other side of the town and deep in sleep when you called." You weren't sure what your point was. Probably wanted him to know that you know he definitely did not call anyone else but you tonight.

But of course, he knows that you know. He knows he can't bullshit you. Not when you used to spend every waking moment since you met in college, which was almost 24/7, since you barely slept then. Years of friendship synced you together—getting used to one's idiosyncrasies, being able to read each other across the room, and sharing the same opinion on all things you deemed important.

"And yet you still came. I'm surprised you actually picked up after weeks of radio silence."

Yoongi starts to pick at his nails, his anxiety peaking. Atuned to even his habits, your hands reach to envelop his and you rest your cheeks atop.

"I actually thought it was one of my booty calls," you joke. He doesn't laugh or react, so you turn serious, "I'm your friend, of course, I'll come get you."

Always.

You smile at him, "It actually wasn't a bother. Get some rest, Yoongi." Thinking you ended the conversation, he suddenly confronts you, "You say that but you suddenly cut me off. Why?"

Ah.

Now, you consider if he orchestrated the whole thing. Trying to corner you so he could finally confront you. It wouldn't be out of his character.

You unclasp your hands.

"I didn't cut you off," you lamely defend yourself and hope he lets it go.

Again, this is Yoongi who's calling you out. You can't evade him just like he can't bullshit you. So he holds out.

"Right. So you suddenly dodging my calls and missing weekly hangouts when I'm available to join, is what? Coincidence?" His voice remains calm, but you would miss how it sounds heavier if you hadn't known him for years. Each word is weighed down with pent-up emotion, and now those fueled words hit you like bricks.

"I've gotten busy. Everyone did after graduation." A half lie, half truth.

He shifts a bit closer to you. "You know, even in the dark, I can tell when you're lying, right? I may not see how your eyes get shifty, but your voice has that lilt at the end when you speak. Almost as if you're also trying to make yourself believe in your lie."

You can already feel the onset of a headache from your lack of sleep, but what's more pressing is how your heart dreads being this close to him again, even more so now that you're being called out and you have no excuse. At least nothing good enough to pass Yoongi.

As the minute passes, the silence thickens, and you feel yourself growing even more tired. It could be from the drive, lack of sleep, or that you just fucking had the most mentally-draining shift just hours before that you finally resigned with honesty. Besides, now that you take a glance at his curled-up form beside you, you admit that he, at least, deserves to know why you distanced yourself.

Yoongi has been your best friend for years—the one who made sure to look into your eyes as he encouraged you to take the extra classes because if you thought it would help you secure the job of your dreams, then he believed it would pay off in the end, and you needed to believe that, too.

Yoongi, who held your hand when you went through mental and emotional hurdles. You honestly believe you wouldn't be here now, living and breathing, had it not been for him.

If only the way you looked at him stayed the same, and how his hands felt in yours remained unnoticed, like those days when he held you as you hurled your guts at bar restrooms after chugging down cheap vodka and beers.

If only your affection towards Yoongi didn't root themselves in what you thought was your uninhabitable heart and grow its tendrils over the years of laughing, crying, and sharing even the most mundane moments with him.

And so you will be honest, but you don't know where to start other than offering an apology.

"I'm sorry, Yoongi. I fucked up," tears brim your eyes but you look at him. You let your repressed emotions out and they're coming out all at once that you're overwhelmed. But you need him to know

Yoongi doesn't respond but motions for you to continue. It's his turn to take your cold hand in his and warms it between his. And it is during this delicate moment that you let it out, "I seem to have fallen in love with you."

How cliche, you rebuke yourself.

You hear him let out a sigh. Out of relief or disappointment, you're unsure.

You shift your eyes to the window behind him and get a glimpse of the rising sun. The aura of the rising sun breaking the dark blue night sky.

You don't know how many seconds, minutes passed. Yoongi remains silent.

Oh god. Surely this can't be a good thing.

You should leave now. You pry your hands away, but before you could even leave the bed, Yoongi finally breaks his silence,

"Then I fucked up, too."

-

>> Read Lights Out, Words Spill

falling in love 》 series m.list

note: for the sake of timelines ,, let's say this extra takes place around ch 5 !!! the text (pic 1) is considered part 1 for this extra <3 hope that makes sense !!!

warnings: implied smut !!! jk is abt to eat her out lol

taglist request: CLOSED

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar

//

“Oh, what the fuck? How’d you get in?” 

Jungkook’s eyes are barely open, but he is already lifting his covers for you to join him. He can’t help but offer you a sleepy smirk as you undress your outside layer. Eyeing your thin and flimsy pajamas, you attempt to sound strict and lay the boundary for tonight.

“Stop looking at me like that…” You warn. “Jungkook, we are not fucking.”

He puts his hands up, pouting innocently. “Can we revisit the topic after your meeting?”

You glare at him. 

“... Fine,” you huff, settling beside him. Jungkook feels instant relief as he reaches for your body and pulls you closer. 

Happily, he wraps his arms around you, resting his head on your stomach. He has waited for this all day. It was the one thing he was looking forward to. Even if you didn't come, he was looking forward to dreaming about it. Yet, here you are... Holding him like he's all yours.

Which he is.

The placement is just a little shy under your boobs, so you can’t blame him when he sneakily slides his hand under your shirt and squeezes them. 

“Jungkook!” you laugh, playfully pushing him away. “Seriously? Just wait an hour.”

“So we are fucking after your meeting? In an hour to be exact?”

You purse your lips at him. “Pookie, can’t you just behave?”

He ponders. Then, he remembers he doesn’t give a shit. 

“When does your meeting start?” He asks. 

You reach over for your laptop and turn the screen on. Reading the time, you shrug at him in response. “Hmmm... In like 20 minutes.”

“20 minutes is enough time,” Jungkook insists, giving you no time to escape. Hastily, he places small and sweet kisses on your lips and then on your cheeks. 

Giggling, you push him off with a groan. “Yah, Jungkook—”

“Oh come on, pookie! Did you really think my back was the only thing that was gonna get rubbed tonight?”

Your mouth drops. 

Jungkook laughs heartily as you roll your eyes at him and complain about his unhinged behaviour. Once your whining dies down, he pulls you even closer and sinks into your body. He holds you tight as you rub his back. 

“Were you napping to ignore your problems?” you ask him quietly. “And can you—holy shit—I can’t breathe! Do you have to hold me so tight?”

It feels like your bones are about to be crushed. Jungkook’s body is warm and so fucking beefy. It’s comfortable and all but wow do you need some air. In response, he buries his face in your body, tightening his grip. You let out a squeal. 

“Yes,” he murmurs. “If I don’t, you might run away.”

Dramatically, you gasp for air. “J-Jungkook, I won’t run away. I’m in my pajamas. I’d have to get dressed first, of course!”

Your joke doesn’t amuse him. 

“When I fall asleep… You might leave.” Jungkook says, revealing his hidden feelings. 

You bite your inner cheek, navigating through your feelings. Honestly, his room was warmly lit… It’s pretty chilly tonight… Not to mention that it is getting kind of late… Maybe you should stay the night. Although it’s kind of funny he assumed you were going to leave. Never have you ever done that to him. Never ever could you do it. 

“I’ll only leave if you snore.” You tease him, booping his nose. “Also, I didn’t know you were such a light sleeper."

He scrunches his nose in response. “Now you know. Take note for next time,” Jungkook yawns. “And yeah… I didn’t know if you were actually coming so I thought I would just sleep off my bad mood.”

“Did it work?”

Jungkook lets out a drowsy-like chuckle. “No. You woke me up.”

“Geez, okay… I’ll leave—”

Jungkook plops up on his elbows and hisses, “Shut up and listen to my day, woman. You’re the only good thing in my life so you’re not allowed to leave. Don’t even joke about that. God, you’re so fucking mean—”

You cup his cheeks and bring his lips to yours. Kissing him gently, you add another peck as you pull away. Holding his face close, you kiss his cheeks and murmur, “Hmmm, sorry, sorry…”

He huffs, pouting for another kiss. You give in. 

Then, he begins to ramble about all the things that made his day so horrible. 

You lay there, rubbing his back, and offer a few, “Mhmm,”’s “Oh, seriously?” and a few, “Eww. No, you’re so right. That sounds awful. I’d be upset too.” Listening to his tired voice makes you sleepy. Not that he’s boring but more because it was so soothing. That’s something you would have never admitted a few months ago…

But things change. 

He changed.

You changed too. 

Unexpectedly, being together is so comforting. Despite being each other's pain in the ass, you two were always there for each other. You two, for some odd reason, have begun to need one another. 

Each other’s warmth, each other’s touch, and each other’s presence—all of it. 

God, you two just made everything better for one another.

If falling in love was a feeling… This is it. 

Being with Jungkook is so easy.

Like... You never understood when people said that about their significant other, but now you do. The weird part is... He isn't even yours.

It's like whenever you have issues that are blown up in your head, he doesn’t try to find solutions. Instead, he listens and helps you reflect. Jungkook has a good understanding of what is his to handle and honestly? He handles you well. 

Besides, being with you is his favourite part of living. It’s as if his body wasn’t aching from the 4 hour long soccer practice. It’s as if nothing mattered because at the end of the day—if it meant that he could be with you. 

Your meeting goes smoothly. Jungkook behaves (let’s give him a gold star!) and at one point, he falls asleep. His little snores made you roll your eyes, but it didn’t motivate you to leave. If anything, it’s the reason you stayed. When the call ends, Jungkook slides his hands down your shorts and chuckles. 

“Forgot to eat dinner,” he claims, peaking with one eye. “Lemme eat that pussy…”

You blink at him. 

He returns your look with a pout. 

“Pretty please?”

You stay still. 

Then, he huffs and abruptly gets up. “You’re so annoying,” Jungkook groans as he walks to his door. Just as he’s about to leave, he makes his final comment. “Do you know how hard it was to not eat you out while you were being all cute and academic? I behaved and now I’m starving. I’m gonna make some food. You craving anything—oh fuck yes.”

Jungkook’s words are cut off as you fling your panties onto his face. 

He blinks at you, scrunching your panties in his hands. His eyes almost fall out of his head as you open your legs and lean back against his headboard. Oh, god... He is so lucky. Today truly is the best day of his life.

Jungkook watches with steady eyes as you lift your flimsy top to expose your breasts. Then, you put your hands to your sides and grip his bed sheets. He loves the way you look right now... It's mesmerizing.

Therefore, Jungkook wastes no time.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you..." He praises your body, more than ready to dive in. You roll your eyes at him but secretly love this. You know you do. You feel it between your legs and even in your heart.

He positions himself in between your legs and kisses your inner thigh. As he begins, you grip his hair with one hand and whimper, "y-you... Craving you."

10.5: love 》 series m.list

note: we made it !!! i am so incredibly grateful for everyone's love and support with c2u <3 meeting u all was so fun ,, answering ur asks and interacting thru comments truly made my day ! i'm glad i was able to share this silly goofy concept and have it well received . as usual ,, please lmk ur thots !!! i have 3 extras that will be posted soon (ie: their first hook up, a comfort scenario, and one final smut extra) so please look forward to those !!! thank u for ur patience ,, all the love 💗

warnings: sex tape vibes (kind of), pussy eating (nom nom), fucking LOL ... dirty talk & creampie! easy shit yk? lmaoo

taglist request: CLOSED

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar

//

As much as Jungkook loves to play soccer for the glory, he loves it best alone. 

When the bleachers are empty and the field is wide and free—that’s when he feels the most love for his sport. To others, it comes off as lonely and sad but to him; it’s serenity. Sometimes, it’s the only place he feels like he can truly be himself. It’s a place where he doesn’t have to be anything to anyone. It’s a place where he can be lost and found at the same time. It’s also his go-to place when he can’t sleep. Jungkook hasn’t slept well in weeks. He figured it was time to be in his own space.

His haven. 

His favourite part has got to be when he plays so hard that he doesn’t even notice the world is waking up. The moment Jungkook looks up and sees the sunrise—he always gets this feeling in the pit of his stomach. It’s an easiness that can’t be explained.

It’s an incredible relief. 

When he sees the sun, he stops playing. He takes a break and sits down to watch the sun bloom on the horizon. There’s so much bliss in the stillness of the world. He feels so much clarity when it’s just him, the net, and the ball. It’s like nothing else matters and his mind can focus on one thing: winning.

Jungkook has only done these late-night sessions a handful of times in his life. 

The first time was the day before Uni tryouts and he doubted his talent. Everyone kept telling him he had nothing to worry about, but that didn’t make him feel any better. To Jungkook, his luck was just like everybody’s. He was afraid of it not coming through when he needed it the most. Therefore, he worked his ass off regardless of his luck history. 

Note: Jungkook was the first in his year to get in. 

The second time was when he fucked up at a game and cost his team a minor setback. It wasn’t the end of the world—he just felt like shit.

The third time was the day he redeemed himself and scored the winning goal that got the team to championships. It was the best game he had in a while. It was also the first time felt tired of it. Tired of the game, tired of the play… Just tired. 

The fourth time was when he decided to take a break from soccer and tend to his burnout… Eventually, he came back after a few months. Of course, he did. He loves soccer more than anything in the world…

That was until you.

He didn’t go back to the field and have a session to himself to celebrate. No, he celebrated with you instead. You didn’t know and he never told you… But that’s what he did. The first day he came back to soccer, he went to you right after. With you, he found rest. 

That’s when he realized something… 

He wasn’t tired anymore.

At least, whenever he was with you.

He wasn’t tired. That’s all he could really ask for, right? To fall in love with someone that was his safety net. 

The fifth time would be today. 

Jungkook has been out here since 3AM, kicking the ball and practicing drills. It upset him, to be honest. He thought being here would help ease his heart. Everything feels so clogged up and messy to him. It’s like no matter what he does to try to clean up his mess, everything stains. So, he thinks to himself that maybe if he ran enough laps or kicked the ball hard enough—it would stop.

The mess. 

The yearning.

The loving. 

But it doesn’t.

No, instead his heart continues to ache. As he clenches it every so often, he thinks of you. Then, for a second, his heart is still. In the stillness, he tries to think of good things around him. 

At least the rain wasn’t pouring as hard as it was an hour ago.

At least the sun is coming up and it’s a new day. 

At least you were here—

Wait. 

You’re here?

Jungkook rubs his eyes. Partly due to disbelief and partly because the rain made it hard to see you clearly. Yet, somehow… In his heart, he knows it. He knows it’s you. 

How’d you know where he was? More importantly, why are you here? 

Why was his heart racing so fast again? 

Be still. 

He isn’t sure of what to do. Should he wave? Should he call your name? Are you here on accident? 

Considering it’s almost 6AM… It can’t be an accident, right?

Just as much as Jungkook’s head begins to fill with questions, yours does too. As you walk closer and closer to him, you can’t help but only hear your heartbeat pound louder and louder. Is this normal? To feel like your heart could jump out of your chest if it meant getting to him faster? You let your mind spin. 

Why the fuck are you here? 

What are you doing again?

Did you write everything down?

You sure felt a lot braver ten minutes ago… Suddenly, seeing him has made you doubt all the courage you worked to have for this moment. At the same time, the complex feeling of pure happiness and relief blossoms. You can’t help but smile at the sight of him. There’s a stillness in the world and it’s only when you look at him and it’s good. You know that now… But oh my god. 

You’re about to lose your shit. 

How did you get here?

When did it all begin? 

Was it from the first night you two slept together? Or was it the karaoke night when you realized you were waiting for him to kiss you? Could it be time he fucked you in front of your mirror and you vowed to never drink coffee before meeting up with him ever again? 

… No. 

Maybe it was when Mina came along. 

You gave him a blowjob just to stall him from going (bad move, by the way. That was pretty bitchy). Oh, and we can’t forget about the time you craved him when you were drunk out of your mind and all he did was take care of you. Half asleep, you woke up to him mounting your mirror on the wall… And well, maybe…

Maybe it was then. 

When he fixed your mirror, he fixed your heart. 

That’s probably why the time you two hooked up in his bedroom at the party felt so right. It was finally clicking.

You were into him then.

You just didn’t know how to admit it. Then, it got fucked up because you were caught off guard. 

The perilla leaf.

The exile. 

The hate sex. 

Everything good and bad has led to this moment and you can’t help but feel like you’re falling apart. Finding the origin of it all feels exhausting… In your head, you debate it all. In your heart, you’ve always known. 

You see, it wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

The friendship, the sleeping with him, the hurting him—the loving him… It wasn’t supposed to do this to you. You aren’t supposed to be this nervous and so impatient at the same time. You aren’t supposed to feel this stupid either… 

But you do. 

… And that’s okay. 

Sometimes, with love, you’re going to feel a little stupid. You just have to cross your fingers and hope the person you’re being stupid for is just as stupid as you. 

In your case… There’s a good chance he is. 

As you stand on the sidelines, Jungkook places his hand over his eyes to see you clearer. He tilts his head in confusion as you drop your bag. 

Then, just like that…

It happens. 

His thoughts pause, his heart goes still for the nth time, and his world slows down as he takes in the sight of you. Nothing will ever be better than this. The same way he feels an ease when he watches the sunrise—he feels it as he looks at you right now. 

God, he loves you so much. 

He has known it for so long but this… You in this moment; it’s bliss. 

Complete and utter bliss. 

If that isn’t enough… His heart is completely undone the moment he realizes two things: one, you’re wearing his jersey, and two; you’re holding a towel in your arms for him. He can’t help but let a laugh escape his lips. All that shit you said about how you would never be a part of his fan club and how you could never be that girl…

Oh, this is gold. 

Honestly, it’s more than enough. For you to show up and make this effort—it fills his heart. Yet, you’re you. Always full of surprises and ways of making his heart go on overdrive. As he sinks in his thoughts and soaks this moment in; he watches you take a deep breath. Then, slowly but surely, you extend your hand out to him. 

It’s then when he knows it. 

The wait was worth it.

The wait is over.

You and Jungkook sit on a bench, under the technical area’s cover. For a while, you two watch the sunrise in silence. Both too afraid to say anything to ruin the moment—both so undoubtedly in love. Once the sun is fully up, you brace yourself. 

This is it. 

Jungkook turns to you, chasing your eyes. 

“You nervous or something?” he jokes, as he begins to dry his hair with the towel you placed around his neck. 

“Yeah,” you confide. “Am I doing this right?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen as you scoot closer to him and take the towel. In your continued silence, you take over and start to dry his hair. Scrunching the towel, you pat dry his neck and cheeks. He gulps, unsure of what to do… He likes it though. He likes that you’re taking care of him and that you’re trying. He knows you are. 

As you pat dry him, you try to find your words. It takes a moment, but you think to yourself… It’s now or never, right? You’re already here. You’ve already folded. 

It catches Jungkook off guard when you suddenly tug him close. Putting the towel aside, you cup his cheeks with your hands. Your hands are cold, but he doesn’t mind. If anything, he’s holding himself back from kissing them. With a pout on your lips, you begin your confession. 

“I hate being your friend.” 

Jungkook squints at you and chuckles. He removes your hands from his cheeks, smirking at you. “What bullshit are you on now? Didn’t we agree on—”

“I never agreed,” your eyebrows knit together. “It’s been like… A day and a half and I’m going crazy being your stupid friend.”

“Fine,” he snaps. “Enemies?”

His suggestion annoys you.

You lift your hand to hit him, but he catches your wrist. Then, he opens his hands for you. You sigh teasingly but take it. Intertwining your fingers together, you two sit in silence again for a moment. 

Holding hands, watching as the rain pours, and preparing to give your hearts to one another… It feels like this could be a dream.

“Tae and Yuna, ” you begin, breaking the silence. Your voice sounds weary and desperate. “They’ve been friends since the very beginning. He always had feelings for her and she did too… But she didn’t do anything about it until it was too late. He’s dating Mina’s friend now or something—it’s so messed up. It’s so unfair, y-you know? They deserve each other so much and I—”

“Breathe,” Jungkook comforts you. “They’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t want that to be us,” you blurt. 

Jungkook blinks at you. 

“It’s so scary. Jungkook, I don’t want that to be us… B-but it is us, isn’t it? Y-you hate me because of—“

His eyebrows knit together. “___, I don’t hate you. Don’t say that.”

Your lips quiver, unsure of how to navigate through this talk. Maybe you should have planned it better. Maybe you should have written this whole speech out instead of word-vomiting like this… But that’s the thing. 

You aren’t good at this.

Regardless, you’ll try for him.

“I’ve been selfish,” you admit, letting your eyes dart to the field. You can’t look at him. It feels too overwhelming to.  “I’ve been inconsiderate and I know I can’t justify my actions because they hurt you—I just need you to know that I was scared. It was so scary trusting you, falling asleep beside you, and waking up next to you. It was so scary watching you laugh with other girls and not knowing how to tell you how I felt… I’m sorry I started fights while trying to figure out how I felt about myself… Honestly? I think I was so scared because you made it so easy.”

A beat.

“T-the truth is… I’ve always known how I felt about you.” 

Jungkook can’t help but smile. He wonders if you know what you’re doing to him… Do you? He’s afraid you don’t.

“Really?” he pries, moving closer to you. “How do you feel about me?”

Attempting to be intimidating, you turn to face him with a glare. 

“D-don’t push it.”

Jungkook pouts. “But I want to know… Please, please, please?”

For a moment you contemplate. Then, you look at him and take it all in. His wet hair, soft eyes, and pouting lips… How were you ever strong enough to say no to him before? Truly, you’re a changed woman.

Curling your fist, you shut your eyes and say it. You tell him the whole truth. 

You give him your heart. 

“You said you got ahead of yourself… But have you ever considered that I was beside you the entire time? L-like you said you’ve had feelings for me since the first time you made me laugh… Me too. I knew it then too. I just didn’t know what to do because every time I dated guys, it all felt the same… With you, it was different from the start. I don’t know how to explain it… All I know is that I like you in every way it’s possible to like someone—I like you. My heart has been yours all along. I’m sorry it took me so long to give it to you. It just felt like everything with you kept falling into place and I was terrified I was f-falling too… I think—n-no, I… Umm, I know that I…”

Something others may not know about Jungkook is that he’s consistently bad at one thing. That one thing is playing it cool when it comes to you. He has to fight his inner demons to stop himself from professing his love for you every 10 minutes. So, it would be a lie that he wasn’t loving this. He loves watching you feel what he feels. 

Your words, sweet and well-awaited, completely captivate him. 

He can’t help it when you’re like this. So perfect, so cute, so his. He can’t resist!

Which is why he kisses you mid-confession. 

Jungkook kisses you slowly and deeply. Like never before, you lose your breath from how passionately he kisses you. Once you two pull away, he rests his forehead against yours. Smiling, he sneaks in a couple more kisses. 

Timidly, you say, “So… You aren’t mad at me anymore?”

With a laugh, Jungkook shakes his head. “God, you drive me crazy.”

“So… That’s a no, right?” 

Jungkook rolls his eyes and purses his lips. You press your lips against them and kiss him once more. 

“___?”

“Y-yeah?”

“... I checked my phone a moment ago and Yuna ratted you out. She texted me like ten minutes before you came. Said if you don't show up I should knock on your door and fuck your feelings out of you.” You gasp, burying your face with your hands. Sighly dramatically, Jungkook makes a cheeky comment. “Once again, I waited for you.” 

You hit his chest playfully. In pure disbelief, you groan at him. “What? Y-you knew and still made me do the whole speech—”

"I didn’t know!” You ignore his claim. “Although, I wouldn't have had any issue fucking the feelings out of you—"

"Are you insane?" you fume. "I was literally sick to my stomach trying to get this confession thing done right!"

“I was excited!” He teases, and nudges you. You remain annoyed at him. Jungkook can’t help but find it cute. “Awh, ___! Come on. It’s not every day that a guy gets to see his girl in his jersey, holding a towel for him on the sidelines! Also… I just really wanted to see what all your fuss was about. I promise, I didn’t know.”

It’s too late. 

Just as you stand up and storm away from the embrassment, Jungkook catches up to you. Out on the field, the rain continues to pour on you two. Drying him off was useless if you were going to be this dramatic. 

As he catches your wrist, you shove him away and cross your arms. 

“I feel stupid,” you sigh. “Y-you knew how I felt about you. I was worried and anxious the entire time and y-you knew!” 

Jungkook shuts his eyes and can’t believe how feisty you are. It’s entertaining and frustrating at the same time. God, you were so complex… But at the same time, he knows you’re just afraid. This is you finding an out. This is also you trying to stay. 

He takes your hand. 

You don’t shake him off say anything. 

You let him take it. 

He holds it like it’s all he has ever wanted to do (it is all he has ever wanted to do).

“I didn’t know everything! Hey, the fuss was cute,” he ensures you. “Do it again.”

“No!” you cry, feeling your clothes start to stick to your skin. It’s pouring now and you instantly regret being dramatic.

Except, Jungkook looks so perfect. His hair is wet and his shirt is soaked so you can see the way his muscles curve. He’s so handsome that you have to gather all your strength as a woman to keep yourself from jumping on him.

“This shit is so hard!” you complain through the rain. “How did you do this? You confessed like every time we fucked—”

“Yah!” Jungkook warns, feeling a little embarrassed. Maybe he should be the one to storm away now…  “Be nice to me or else I’m about to reject you.”

You roll your eyes at him. Grabbing him by the collar, you tug him to your eye level. Happily, he complies. 

“Do it then,” you call his bluff. “Reject me right now.”

Jungkook looks into your eyes, loving the way you look at him. He blinks at you slowly and bites his inner cheek. For a moment, he’s silent. You’d think he’s contemplating or something… But he’s not. He’s been sure about you since your first laugh, remember?

“Kinda cruel considering you’re all I’ve been waiting for,” Jungkook confesses, as he dips his head low and kisses you. 

As he kisses you, you squeeze his hand. Holding his hand tighter, he smiles into the kiss. The rain continues to pour, making everything feel unreal. As he pulls away, he looks at you the way he always has… This time, you get what Yuna was talking about.

The warmth in his gaze.

The love in it.

The you in it.

After what felt like endless heartache with other boys—this felt healing. 

This was yours. 

Him. 

And that’s when your heart tells you something you never knew… 

You waited well too. 

You two escape the rain and make it to your place.

In your bedroom, you quickly get undressed and sit in front of your mirror to dry your hair. Jungkook comes out of the washroom all clean. Passing by you, he plants a kiss on the top of your head. You watch from the mirror as he reaches inside your closet for one of his shirts. 

Your high from the moment at the field suddenly dies. Suddenly, you realize the confession wasn’t enough to move forward. For fucks sake, he has his clothes in your closet.

“Jungkook?” you ask cutely.

“Mhmm?” he responds as he dresses himself.

You almost choke on your words. “What are we?” 

He grins, coming back to you and swaying you side to side. Without batting an eye, he answers: “friends, of course!”

Instantly, you push him away. Your shoulders slump as you glare at him. He laughs his ass off, loving the way you reacted. When he calms down, he kneels in front of you and apologizes. 

“Okay, bestie,” you play along as he gets up. “Should we eat perilla leaves to celebrate?” 

Jungkook’s mouth drops. His eye practically twitches at the mention of perilla leaves.

Throwing his hands up dramatically, he cries, “Oh god... My girlfriend is so mean to me… She’s so hot, holy shit.”

Girlfriend.

That sounds about right.

He’s so big. 

Sometimes, you forget that.

It slips your mind because Jungkook has always been a giver. You never really had to worry about it being uncomfortable. He makes sure you cum first and always puts his needs above yours—tonight was a prime example of just that. 

As he towers over you, he leaves a trail of kisses from your neck to your lips. Each kiss is so soft and intimate, your pussy clenches at his very touch. It doesn’t help when he places his thumb on your clit, rubbing and stretching it out to stimulate you even more. As you moan into his ear, he feels shivers go down his back. 

You gasp as he bites your skin, enticing you to want him even more. 

“Jungkook,” you breathe, “put it in, please.”

“Mhmm,” he moves the hair strands on your face and kisses you. “Be good for me, okay? Be patient. Gonna fuck you good so I need you to be on your best behaviour.”

“B-best behaviour,” you repeat rather lewdly. “Okay… W-whatever you want, love. You have it. You have me.”

Love.

God, you and your fucking words.

Jungkook bites his bottom lip, trying his best to take his time. Truth be told, he wants to fuck you silly right now. He wants you so bad that your legs won’t work and he’ll have to tend to your soreness. He wants to fuck you so good that you scream his name and lose yourself in him… But he’ll take his time tonight. 

He wants to show you so much. He wants to show you how good he can make you feel. How you won’t ever regret your decision of being with him. He wants to show you what kind of man you chose and what kind of man you get to have.

A good man.

A man that has wanted you for so long that now that he has you—oh was he ready to drag it out.

Jungkook gently places his dick in between your folds. It’s hard and thick. You can feel it against your wet pussy and want nothing more than for him to put it in. Instead, Jungkook lifts himself and sits in between your legs. There, he holds the base of his cock and slaps it against your pussy. He rubs his cock up and down your folds. Then, he splits them open with his fingers and spits on it. He then spreads his spit with his cock. You feel so lucky when he pokes it inside once in a while. Like a tease, he takes it out so quickly that you begin to feel frustrated. 

“P-put it in, please…”

Jungkook smirks. 

“Put what in?”

You glare at him.

“Your hard, thick, stupid cock. Put it in my wet, needy, desperate pussy right now… Please?”

Jungkook lets out a sexy chuckle. “Not yet,” he tells you, as he fully stops. He then moves over and helps you sit up. Leaning against your headboard, he spreads your legs. Just when you think you can predict his next move, he reaches over to your nightstand and grabs his phone. Unlocking it, he passes it to you.

“Film me.”

You nod, following his orders.

Tapping record, you angle the camera to your pussy. You watch through the phone screen as Jungkook positions his face in between your legs. Gulping, you throw your head back as he makes his first lick. 

Jungkook holds onto your thighs, helping you keep your legs open. He digs himself into your pussy, devouring every inch of it. To deepen himself, he digs his nose in and curls his tongue as he licks you. When he pulls away for air, he sucks on your clit making sure to keep you on your toes. 

“Oohhh,” you sob. “S-so good. J-Jungkook—“

“Mhmm,” he murmurs onto your skin. “Tastes so good.”

“A-aghhh! Oh my god!”

The thing is… Jungkook has eaten you out before.

But this was different.

It was slow and sensual. The way he licks you and eats you out just feels so surreal. Your toes curl, your stomach winces, and your pussy tightens as you’re about to climax—

Jungkook pulls away. 

He has a devilish look on his face. You stop the recording and toss his phone aside. Suddenly, he takes hold of your ankles and tugs you down. On your back, you open your arms and welcome him in again. Gladly, he buries himself in your breasts and moans at your softness. 

“That was—“

“Everything my girl deserves,” he tells you sweetly. “My girl…”

“Your girl,” you pull him in for a kiss. “All yours..”

Jungkook moans, unable to stop himself. He lifts his hips, making space for him to quickly pump his cock before guiding it inside you.

… And oh my god.

He feels so good.

Him inside you is so fulfilling and healing. 

“You okay?”

You nod, mesmorized by the man he is.

“More than.”

With that, Jungkook kisses you and begins to fuck you. He thrusts in and out, making you feel his entire length with each stroke. Your body takes him in as if it’s welcoming him home. As he feeds you your craving, he picks up the pace. You wrap your legs around him, moaning from how good it feels as he buries himself in you. 

“F-fuck,” Jungkook hisses. “Love this. Feels so good.”

“Mhmm,” you whimper. “J-just like that!”

Jungkook continues to fuck you, drilling himself deeper and deeper. Soon, you’re chanting his name and his ego begins to boom.

Jungkook fucks you like he loves you… And you know it. You can feel it. To express so, you claw his back. Digging your nails deeper and deeper, holding him close.

“N-nghhh! I’m gonna cum—”

“Cum for me, pretty girl. You behaved so well,” he praises. “Proud of you.”

Your heart flutters. 

Then, your pussy clenches as you release. He feels it. Jungkook groans, accepting that this round will be over soon. There will be plenty more, for sure. As he pumps inside you lazily, cautious of being sensitive to your climax but also because he’s hitting his. 

Then, he creams your pussy. It oozes out, but he pumps himself a few more times to stuff you.

As he spills himself onto you, he lets out heavy breaths and collapses on top of you. You let him catch his breath there as you tangle your fingers in his hair. 

“I love you,” you confess. 

“Good… I was hoping you would.” Jungkook lets out a tired laugh. “I love you too, ___. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted. You’re everything I’ve ever loved.”

You hold him tighter.

“I love you more.”

Jungkook bursts into laughter. “Love, we are not going to play that game.”

Tilting your head at him. “Why not? It’s true.”

“You think you love me more than I love you?”

“Mhmm.”

“Prove it.”

With that, Jungkook laughs as you shift position. Leaving him on his back, you climb on top and straddle him. As you lift yourself to guide his dick inside, he lets out a whiney moan. You are so sexy. You are quite literally his favourite part of living.

“I’ll prove it,” you accept the challenge. “Will you last though?”

Jungkook’s lips slight part, amazed and shocked at your initiative. In response, he relaxes and gestures at your body. There’s a tightness that overcomes his entire body. It’s mixed with excitement and relief. For the nth time, he gives in.

Jungkook folds.

Happily, he gives himself to you.

“With you? Forever.”

Forever.

After 3 rounds, you two call it a night. As you drift to sleep, Jungkook holds you. Before this, you two talked as much as you could and even began to make plans. There is an indescribable comfort in being with each other.

Upcoming dates.

Better ways to communicate.

Everything and anything in between—you two want it all.

As the rain pours, Jungkook finally shuts his eyes. He pulls you closer, kissing you for the final time tonight. There would be tomorrow to kiss you anyway.

Tomorrow and the day after that… And the day after that. And the days that follow—he’d do just that.

He can’t wait to kiss you forever.

To hold your hand forever.

To love you forever.

For the first time in a while, Jungkook finds rest. His heart stays still and feels loved. Besides, this is what he has wanted to be all along—

Close to you.

unhinged extra (2) // series m.list

note: these moments take places between ch 3-6!! ps i’ve never watched singles inferno 🤣

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar

fic taglist: @mint--yoongs @bloopkook @suciedad-divina @xelenavazquezx @kyjjk @parkinglot-nights @skzthinker @rrjkive @hyuneyeon @chemicalclub @bbtsficrecs @italiekim @02shifts @insomniaroses @jayjahni @greybears123 @eunthv @petalsofink @aerikook @wildflower98 @lachimolalajeon @bunnybearrj @peterstarkchrishiddleston @kaiparkerwifes @7thsthings

10: time 》 series m.list

note: i said i'd wait until valentines day to post their endings.. yikes. i'm a liar!!! can't wait to write their finale <3 i have 2 extras in mind btw! so they're not realllllyyy gone yet huhuuuhu. thanks for waiting everyone !!! mwahh

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “c2u” // DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar

fic taglist: @mint--yoongs @bloopkook @suciedad-divina @xelenavazquezx @kyjjk @parkinglot-nights @skzthinker @rrjkive @hyuneyeon @chemicalclub @bbtsficrecs @italiekim @02shifts @insomniaroses @jayjahni @greybears123 @eunthv @petalsofink @aerikook @wildflower98 @lachimolalajeon @bunnybearrj @peterstarkchrishiddleston @kaiparkerwifes @7thsthings @jungcockthirst

3: the favourite snacks // series m.list

note: ohhh... it's kinda cute here ;) how are we liking them? lmk ur thoughts! oc's moment to shine is coming soon !!!

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “aao” // DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar @jkslvsnella @parkinglot-nights @kissyfacekoo

fic taglist: @seagulljk @peterstarkchrishiddleston @thekookiecorner @sneezedonthebeatandthebeat @kyjjk @bbtsficrecs @rainypainting @skzthinker @lachimolalajeon @wildflower98 @bluesoulsoul @loumin908 @jk-190811 @survivalistghost

//

As usual, Jungkook interrupts your reading time. Before, it didn’t mean much. Before, he would quietly sit beside you and mind his own business until he got out of his mind bored. Then, he would bug you and you would have no choice but to put your book down. You didn't mind it before. Before, it was whatever.

However, the scene is different today.

Today, he ran to the library after his lecture and couldn’t find you. Disappointed, Jungkook turned his heels to head home… But as fate would have it; he found you along the way.

At the sight of you, right then and there, Jungkook decided that this was his favourite season. 

The season of you.

How could it not be when this… You… Are just so beautiful? As you sit on the grass, leaning against the tree trunk, the wind gently blows cherry blossom petals around you. It’s beautiful. It looks magical.. Like it was fake. I mean, it had to be right? You look so perfect. It looks like those made-up scenes in movies. Jungkook rubs his eyes to make sure it isn’t. This is real life. 

This is you. 

However, his dream-like state of mind is shaken awake when he approaches you, and you refuse to give him the time of day.

First, he stands in front of you and greets you warmly. You ignore him. Then, he sits down beside you and nudges you. Even though your body moves to his push, you still remain silent. Now, this is his last attempt before he loses his mind. 

Jungkook inches closer to you. You sit still, doing your best not to move away. You have to stay put. You have to stand your ground! But life gets 10 times more difficult because he smells so good. As he leans forward, he fixes your hair, and you're awestruck. He tucks your hair behind your ear, sending chills down your spine. You swear it’s just the cool breeze, but you know in your heart it’s him. 

He makes your heart race. 

He smells good.

He looks good, too.

It's no wonder your body betrays you. You squirm from his touch, unable to hold yourself still. It’s gentle and light—but it’s just so ticklish! As you react, Jungkook offers a smug smile. In return, you push his hand away and huff at him. 

“I’m not talking to you.”

Jungkook’s smile drops. 

“What? Why?” His mind spins with confusion. Meanwhile, you keep a straight face and go back to reading. “What did I do?”

Keeping your book up, you answer him without really answering him.

“You know what you did.”

Jungkook thinks for a moment. What could he have done? The last time he saw you was a few days ago. You two met up to have a quick study session together. It was the same routine! What could he have done wrong since then? Rather, what did he do wrong then?

“... I’m not really sure what I did wrong… Can I have a hint or something?” His tone is genuine and curious, making it harder for you to dish-out your anger.

So, you don’t respond.

Impatient and annoyed at your pettiness, he grabs your book and lowers it to see your face. 

Infuriated, you whine. “Hey! I’m reading—”

“—And I’m trying to talk to you.” Jungkook snaps. "Come on, ___. What's going on? Talk to me, please."

You glare at him, completely baffled at his audacity. Does he seriously think that he can play dumb? He can't. You won't let him.

“Well, I’m not talking to you.”

With an eyebrow raised, he speaks out his thoughts. “Why not? I don’t think I did anything wrong—”

“You lied to me!” You blurt. “You lied to me, and you know it. I looked so stupid!”

Jungkook’s throat feels dry. 

Lied to you?

About what?

He tries to run everything he has ever said to you back. He tries to remember everything from the moment you two first met to this very moment now… Every story he has ever said and every tiny side comment—yet, he can’t think of a time he was dishonest. He had no reason to lie to you! Talking to you is so easy because you’re such a good listener. If anything, talking to you has compelled him to be more honest… Jungkook reflects and concludes: no. He is not a liar. Besides, it’s not like he was hiding anything—

“You can skate,” you reveal. 

Jungkook blinks.

“Who told you?”

Fed up, you shove your book to Jungkook's chest. He lets it hit him and drop before reaching for your hands. Quickly, you swipe them away from him. No way is he holding your hand! Not after all the crap he just pulled.

Crossing your arms, you begin to confront him. “Yoongi and Jin were drinking last night. They called me and teased me about how dumb I was… How naive I was because you knew how to skate the entire time! I took the time to teach you how to skate because you kept falling—a-and to what? Find out you were pretending the entire time? W-why would you do that? Why would you lie to me?” 

Oh, it’s bad. 

It’s pathetically horrible how Jungkook is so into you right now.

It melts his heart how you could be this serious and hurt over this little fib. This has to be the cutest thing you could ever do… Be mad at him for wanting to hold your hand just because he was mischievous about it. 

He wants to laugh. He wants to tell you that you’re cute and the entire thing was just a stupid boy-coded play… But, considering how bruise-hearted you’re acting… Jungkook thinks twice about it. 

Then, he decides to give in and abide by your needs. 

Answers.

You want answers and answers is what he’ll give you. 

“First of all: you’re not dumb,” Jungkook reassures you. You make a sour face and shake your head at him.

Groaning, you tell him: “Yes, I am! I looked like a total idiot trying to teach you how to skate when you’re literally a hockey player—”

“Second, I’m not a hockey player,” he chuckles. 

With a half smile, you return: “Right… You’re just a liar.”

Okay. 

… He deserved that. 

Jungkook doesn’t know what to say or do… Honestly, what are you supposed to say or do? The issue is ridiculous but at the same time, he understands you feel deceived. So… now what? 

Honesty. 

“Okay… I admit it,” Jungkook sighs, accepting his defeat. “I lied to you about not knowing how to skate. I’m a liar. I’m sorry—”

“Ah ha!” you point your finger at him. Then, you poke his chest. “That's why I’m not talking to you—”

“But I’m apologizing—”

You shush him. “Doesn’t matter. At least, not right now. Like... Oh my goodness, Jungkook! I’m so embarrassed! It’s bad enough that—”

“—That I like you?” Jungkook interrupts you. You’re tongue-tied, unable to find words to deny or confirm. With shaky eyes, he does his best to look at you with the sincerest gaze. “I refuse to apologize for my feelings."

"It's not about your feelings—"

Jungkook plays smart. He's all in anyways. "Okay. Fine, it's not about my feelings. It's about yours, okay? ___, I’m sorry, okay? I just wanted to hold your hand… Is it that bad? Am I that awful for wanting to hold your hand?”

Slowly, you shake your head. You didn't meant to make him feel bad about his feelings for you! That wasn't the point. The point was... Well..

Oh, god.

What was the point again?

Your words beat your thoughts. “N-no… I just… I don’t understand why you didn’t just tell me.”

Jungkook looks at you softly, and it makes your heart stumble. Booping your nose, his lips curve into a smirk.

“It’s called flirting, dummy.”

“Hmph,” you pout, turning your face away from him. Under your breath, you mutter, “... So you’re calling me dumb too, huh?”

Jungkook panics. “W-what? No! That’s not what I—”

Without much thought, he grabs your hand and squeezes it. You turn to him, eyeing the way he’s holding your hand. You send him a look, and immediately, he drops your hand and puts it up in surrender. Then, he reaches for his backpack and unzips it. 

“Look! I know my apology doesn’t mean much to you right now, but it’s true. I am so sooo sorry, ___. I’ll deal with the guys. I’ll tell them to shut up and drop it. You’re not dumb—okay?” Jungkook digs inside his backpack and pulls out a plastic bag filled with various items. “Snacks! I was at the convenience store... Then, I suddenly thought of you. So, I bought your favourite snacks. Then I headed to the library but then you weren’t there… And now I’m here—a-and there’s so many! So many snacks, ___! There’s banana milk, some Yakult, and oh, I even bought that cup with the fancy ice—”

“... Is that pocky?” You shift, taking a small peek.

Jungkook’s eyes light up. He nods, shaking the bag in front of you. “Almond crush… Cos I have a crush on you—” You sit up and send him a warning look. Jungkook leans his body back and laughs. “Okay, okay, okay! Sorry! Almond crush is for me… The strawberry pocky is for you… Your favourite, cutie.”

Biting your bottom lip, you give in.

Your heart can refuse Jungkook, but it remains powerless against strawberry pocky. Jungkook takes out your strawberry pocky first. You’re drooling at this point… Before you can hold your hand out and ask for the pocky, Jungkook already opens it for you. When he successfully gets through the box and rips the wrapper, he offers the pocky to you as a peace offering. 

Unspoken, he knows he’s forgiven the minute you take it from his hands. 

Yet, he plays it safe. He waits for you to get a few bites in and for the smile on your face to appear. Once it does, he smiles cheekily at you. 

“Still mad at me?”

Between chews, you reply, “Let me think..."

"Whatever you need to do, my smart girl."

You shove a few more pieces of pocky in your mouth. After you chew and he laughs at you, you voice your decision.

"Nope... Not mad at you anymore. We’re good.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes as he reaches for the top of your head. He ruffles your hair and continues to laugh to himself… Perhaps, it wasn’t just about the lie. You were hangry. Mentally, he notes to always keep strawberry pocky in his bag. In case of future screw-ups or of hangry ___ moments. 

When he’s sure your mood has improved completely, he opens his pocky. 

You watch as he does so. Jungkook takes a bite out of his pocky stick and moans in approval. As he eats, he takes a moment to look out at the view of the rest of the field. Jungkook takes it all in. Other students are sitting on the grass, under the other cherry blossom trees, and even playing. It's a calm late afternoon, and he can't help but think about how much he likes this moment.

How the raspberry lemonade sky is peering over the horizon. How you're beside him. How cool the spring breeze is... It just feels so good to be with you.

“This is a nice spot!" He tells you. "I like the view. I like you—"

"You're ruining my peace," you complain. Shutting your eyes, you focus on the pocky. "But yeah, it's a nice spot. I found it while I had that whole week of avoiding you."

Jungkook laughs. "So I found your new hideout? Sorry, not sorry."

You shrug and point at the Yakult inside the bag. He digs in the bag and takes it out. Like the pocky, he prepares it before giving it to you. When he hands you the drink, you take a sip.

"Can this be our spot?"

You choke.

Jungkook's shoulders drop, finding it hilarious and also a little offending at the same time. Was it really this hard to flirt with you? Are you this childish? He never noticed.

It's annoying that his feelings only grow even more.

"Oh my god," he moves closer to you and pats your back. You take another sip to help relieve your throat. As you recover, he lectures you. "Fine. You can have this damn spot."

When he moves back to his spot, you sit and stare at him. Jungkook continues to eat his pocky. Moving on, he pushes the conversation forward.

"Ahh, I forgot how good this is. Almond is the best.” 

You tilt your head at him, wondering what it’s like to be completely wrong about a simple thing. It's like all your pressing thoughts dismissed themselves.

“Strawberry is better,” you claim. You say it rather simply. You say it honestly.

Jungkook copies your head tilt. 

“Strawberry is overhyped,” he argues with you. “Almond is more expensive. The ingredients are more worth it. It’s not just a fruit-flavored cream—”

You huff at him. “Strawberry is not overhyped! Just because it’s cheaper doesn’t mean it’s worth less—”

“Actually… It does.”

The anger that you had earlier? The one that went away? Yeah… It’s back. 

Fuming, you begin your rant. “Strawberry is classic. Almond was made because people got bored of chocolate, so they added almonds to trick people into thinking it was completely different… It's the same thing! Strawberry is an original flavour like—” As you explain, you put another stick in between your lips and suck on the cream. “Mhmm! It’s the best—”

Your words cut off. 

Not because Jungkook retaliates. 

Not because you’re chewing your pocky. 

No. 

It’s because Jungkook dips his head low and takes a bite out of the other end of your pocky stick. He pulls away rather quickly, but it happens… 

It happened. 

His lips brushed against yours. 

Oh my god. 

Jeon Jungkook kissed you! 

Wide-eyed, you pause for a second. Then, you panic. “W-what—”

“Mhmm.. I guess it’s okay,” Jungkook swallows his bite. “I think I still like—”

“Y-you kissed me!” you exclaim, bringing your hands to your lips. 

Jungkook blinks at you.

“No, I didn’t.”

“J-Jungkook," you breathe, “are you gaslighting me? You literally just kissed me!”

Your mind is spinning.

How the heck did that just happen? One second you’re defending strawberry pocky with your life, and the next… You feel more alive than ever. Jungkook has always been sneaky, but you never expected this. It was so innocent yet so mischievous—you have no words!

Perhaps, your inability to explain how you truly feel is what frustrates you and causes you to sound so naggy. 

On the other hand, Jungkook knew exactly what he was doing. He has no issues facing the repercussions. In his heart, he knows he’s just following it… So, why does it matter? This is him taking a chance. This is him… Winning. 

This is you folding. 

“___, that was not a kiss.” Jungkook reasons with you. “Why? Are you upset because you wanted it to be?"

No words. 

"It's okay to be disappointed," he adds. "I'm disappointed you don't want to share this spot with me. The library is boring as fuck so I don't really want it to be our spot, you know—"

“Y-you’ve got to be k-kidding me!” you cry. “Leave the library alone, you hater."

"... Okay?" Jungkook snickers. "You're greedy today. Do you always have to be right? Is that a thing I should know about you, future girlfriend?"

"Future what?" your eyes bulge. "O-okay, fine. Fine! You win. It wasn’t a kiss. It was horrible anyway. I expected more—”

Jungkook squints at you. “We didn’t even kiss, and you’re already accusing me of being a bad kisser? Damn, at least let me prove you wrong.”

Shaking your head profusely. “T-that’s not what I’m saying! I’m sure you’re an excellent kisser—in fact, I should brace myself, right? B-because you’re probably going to kiss me one of these day, and I’ll—”

“Do you want me to kiss you?”

You pause. 

“W-what?”

“You heard the question,” Jungkook inches closer to you. In your mind, your body stiffens… In reality, you’re melting. Your body slightly leans in towards him and Jungkook has to bite his lip to stop himself from smiling. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

“Y-you already did.”

“You said it wasn't a kiss... Who's the liar now?"

You stay silent. Partly because you have no words and partly because you're afraid of what will happen if you don't speak.

Jungkook presses on. "You’re not answering my question…”

Silence.

Then, as he speaks again, you realize you're stuck either way… You’re too shy to actually say the words, but he will take your silence, and find the truth. Or... You can say it for yourself. So, okay.

Fine.

You give in.

“Y-you can do what you want. I just… I thought you already kissed me.”

Jungkook rolls his eyes at you for the second time this afternoon. “No, silly… If I kissed you, it would’ve been like this—”

Before you know it, it happens. 

It really happens. 

Soft, slow, and sweetly—Jeon Jungkook kisses you.

He kisses you under the cherry blossom tree with the raspberry lemonade sky above, and the spring breeze. He kisses you until you can't breathe, and your heart falls for him. Jungkook kisses you in your spot.

The spot.

Yours and his.

drunk | myg

Summary: You had not seen Yoongi for three weeks after your fight, you start to think that he gave up on you. You seem to be terribly wrong.

this is part four of so it goes: series masterlist

<part three part five>

—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of? they're in love) to lovers, lots of angst!!

—warnings/tags: cursing, alcohol consumption as a coping mechanism, mentions of alcoholism, emotional constipation, introducing taehyung!!! and jimin....👀

—words: 9.5k

a/note: hi friends! I finally decided to sit and finish this chapter after a month of posting ghost of you. I suck at coming up with summaries but give this one a chance!!! A little secret about this chapter is that I cried writing the first part and that I listened to You & I by Shinee while doing it (you can do it too for a better experience). As always, feedback is very appreciated, you are welcome to discuss the chapter in the asks. pd if you want to be in the taglist let me know.

Two years ago

When Yoongi met Dasom he quickly learnt one thing: she was mean, but she was not a regular mean girl, she was worse. 

Dasom was reckless and relentless, her kisses tasted like beer and cigarettes and she could never keep a promise. She liked to dance with guys who weren’t her boyfriend and she loved making people angry, she was one of a kind. But she was funny, and Yoongi liked that. Dasom had the perfect comedic timing and the quickest comebacks, she knew all of Yoongi’s favorite songs, she had the brightest smile and the most bruised heart in the room. She was not kind and she was not sweet, but the world hadn’t been kind or sweet to her either. Somehow she found love in Yoongi’s arms. 

To be in love with Dasom was knowing that she could never stay, but you could never leave. 

The thought of leaving her never crossed Yoongi’s mind, he could never do something like that, but in that moment, standing under the rain at the entrance of some club, he waited for a second, hoping for a voice in his head to finally tell him to run away. He felt in his bones that it was the right decision, but he stayed.

His girlfriend had stopped speaking to him five days ago, but that night she called him at three in the morning, asking him to pick her up from some club downtown because she was too drunk to go home alone. Yoongi didn’t hesitate to do it, but when he stared at the black doors of the club he couldn’t help but feel a little bit stupid. He didn’t even know the reason why she was mad at him this time. 

It wasn’t difficult to find her, it was a small club and it only had three bars inside. He found her sharing drinks with some guy who was probably paying for them. Dasom never spent money on clubs, she said they were too expensive. She pretended she didn’t see him until he was standing right in front of her. 

Dasom darted at him that look, the one she used to give to him when she didn’t want him around. 

“Let’s go home” He announced upon arrival. The guy on her side stared at him confused. Yoongi was wearing a big hoodie and his pajama pants, he would have stayed in his car if she had picked up the phone, but he had to enter looking like that.

“No, you can go back home.” She replied.

“Come on, you asked me to pick you up.” He tried to remind it to her, already feeling it was useless.

“I changed my mind.” She said, “You can leave.”

Yoongi sighed, wisely thinking his words before speaking again “Don’t do this to me right now.” He begged, but she only rolled her eyes. “Who’s going to take you home later?”

“Him!” She pointed to the guy who was awkwardly standing next to her. He seemed uncomfortable, it was visible that he didn’t want to be involved in the discussion they were about to have. Dasom turned to look at him, looking for reassurance in his eyes, and when she didn’t find any she scoffed, she got down from the stool she was sitting and decided to follow her boyfriend to his car. 

“Have fun paying for all of that.” Was the last thing she said before disappearing into the darkness of the club.

Yoongi felt like he was holding his breath all the way to the car. 

He loved the woman who was sitting beside him, but she was different from the person who he fell in love with three years ago. Yoongi was sure that person was deep inside her, he just needed to look for her in a million dark clubs to find her. 

The sound of the rain hitting the windows wasn’t loud enough to drown the uncomfortable silence between them, so he decided to turn the radio on. She stared at him funny, Yoongi hated listening to the radio. 

“Are you still mad at me?” He asked her. 

“Yes, of course.” She replied like it was obvious, it wasn’t. Yoongi didn’t know what he did wrong, he asked her but this time she didn’t bother to make up an excuse. It was always the same fight, she stopped speaking to him until he begged her to know the reason, not once she told him the truth, but Yoongi was patient enough to wait for her to speak to him again. 

“I’m not mad at you.” He felt the need to remind her. 

“Why would you be mad?” Dasom questioned with a cheeky expression on her face.

Yoongi tried to think of an answer as he stared at the empty road ahead of him, ‘because of this’ he wanted to answer, but that was not fair, and he could never tell her that without having to face a tantrum. 

Both of them stayed silent during the rest of the ride and when they arrived at Dasom's apartment, he helped her to get out of the car and climb the stairs to the second floor. He watched his girlfriend take off her shoes and walk towards the bathroom to remove the makeup off her face. 

He leaned against the door of her tiny bathroom and crossed his arms above his chest “I wanted to talk to you about something.” He announced.

“About what?” She slurred without looking at him.

“I don’t want to make this about me, but…” 

“Don’t.” She interrupted him and stared at his reflection through the mirror. Her face was wet, the bags under her eyes were dark from the traces of mascara and she looked tired of him. “Don’t talk to me like I have a problem, you know I don’t.”

“I’m not trying to do that, I just wanted to help you, I always do.” Yoongi hid hands under his arms when they started to shake, somewhere deep in his heart he knew that this wasn’t the best time to have a discussion, but he started to become desperate under her cold gaze. Dasom left the bathroom and walked past him, making him follow her to her room. 

“I don’t want you to.” She said, unzipping her dress until it fell from her body to the floor. “I just wanted to come back home, I don’t need you to analyze me. I want a boyfriend, not a fucking father.”

“I am your boyfriend,” He assured her, “and I love you and I care about you and I can’t allow myself to let you do this everyday. I want you to be fine, but I need to know what’s going on because I don’t understand.” Yoongi rushed to finish the sentence, he felt like time was ticking. He tried to reach for her hands but she took a step back, she had a serious expression and even if she could see the desperation in Yoongi’s eyes, she was not willing to give in, not completely at least. 

“I don’t need you Yoongi.” She spat. “And I thought you knew that. I know what you are doing, I didn’t want to remind you again that I don’t need anyone. I didn’t need my mom, I didn’t need my dad and maybe you think I do but I don’t need the fucking help of Seokjin’s family. I certainly don’t need you telling me all this shit.”

Yoongi’s insides twisted, Dasom could see the surprise in his eyes as he took a step back. She scoffed, thinking she had no time for all of this. A few weeks ago Seokjin and him had a cathartic talk about the complications of their relationship and how worried he was about Dasom’s drinking problem. Later that night his friend sent him a text offering the number of his cousin who was a therapist and a specialist on addictions. Yoongi declined the offering, he knew Dasom would refuse, but he was sure she didn’t know anything about it. 

She didn’t care how hurt he was in that moment, and as she started to put on her pajamas something clicked on Yoongi’s mind, that’s why she stopped speaking to him. 

“Dasom, that was just a text he sent to me, it was something private and…” Yoongi didn’t know what to say, millions of words got stuck in his throat but none of them sounded coherent. 

“It was not private, it was about me.” She raised her voice.

“I know, but he’s your friend too, he was worried.” 

It was hard to imagine his girlfriend going through his phone and reading his texts, she was never jealous of him and Yoongi thought it was clear that he only loved her. Regardless of that, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for talking to Seokjin about her. She looked at him like he was talking shit about her. 

“You don’t need to explain anything to me, Yoongi. I’m fine, and if weren’t fine you wouldn’t be able to fix it, get over it.”

He thought his heart was about to escape from his chest and run away far away from him, but his heart never left, it just broke into a million pieces.

“Wait, listen, I’m sorry, okay? I was upset about all of our fights and I needed to talk to someone, he just wanted to help, but I’m sorry if that made you angry.” 

“Don’t be stupid.” She stopped him. “That didn’t make me angry.”

“Then what was it?” He asked. “Dasom, you seem to be angry all the time these days. I know you and I know you are not telling me the truth, I just want you to stop lying to me, I’m tired of it.”

Dasom darted him a look, it tempted her to say something hurtful again, she wanted to scream that if he was so tired he should leave her alone already, but she hated to be called a liar. Her eyes encountered Yoongi’s shaking hands and then his tired face. She wondered what time he went to bed that night before she called him. 

She wanted to cry, he knew her well indeed. 

“I’m not sure about us anymore.” Unlike before, her voice sounded soft. Expecting him to process her words, she paused for a minute. Dasom stared at Yoongi and realized he was not the man she met three years ago. Shit, he wasn’t even the man from four months ago, his hair was red and his face was rounder, his eyes were swollen and his fingers were damaged because of his habit of biting his nails. 

Yoongi accepted her words and allowed himself to fall sitting on the bed, covering his face with his palms “How are you not sure?” He asked her, not because he wanted to argue but because he wanted to know what went wrong. 

“I don’t know… I just-I’m not. But it’s not your fault.” She assured him. “I’m not sure about anything lately. I haven’t been happy for a while and I don’t know if it’s fair to keep you with me, no one wants to tell me if it’s wrong or right… The only person I know that is wise enough to tell me is you.”

There was something about her words that made Yoongi stay quiet for a few seconds. Dasom was terrible at expressing her feelings, like there was some kind of bug in her code that prevented her from being vulnerable. At the same time she didn’t like lying, so Yoongi knew she was telling the truth despite trying to hide her feelings. 

Yoongi knew he couldn’t make her stay, but he couldn’t leave either. 

“Yoongi?” She called him. “what should I do?” 

“What do you want to do?” He asked her. 

“I want to be alone.” She affirmed. 

“For tonight?” He dared to question. 

Dasom paused and thought about it. 

“No.” She replied, “I think… Until I figure out some things, if that is not too corny. Forever if I can’t.”

He raised his head and didn’t see Dasom, he saw the little girl that she was on that picture with her grandmother when she visited the circus, it was one of the few pictures she had with a member of her family, she used to hide it from Yoongi until she finally decided to show it to him. She didn’t look like the woman she was, she looked unsure like a little girl. 

It wasn’t his fault and it wasn’t Dasom’s fault either, but it would be easier to blame someone else than accept that this wasn’t working for them anymore. He wanted to laugh at himself for thinking he could ever find the old Dasom in a million clubs, now he knew he didn’t have to, she was right there in front of him, asking if it was right to leave him or not. 

“There’s no right or wrong decision.” He finally said.

“But.. would you judge me?” Her voice trembled as she stared at him standing in front of the bed.

Yoongi looked defeated, 

“I would never.”

He understood, he always did, there wasn’t space for him in her life anymore and he couldn’t do anything about it. Even if he got down on his knees and begged her not to leave him, he couldn’t make her love him anymore, there was no use of doing that. He was the only man who could ever read her twisted mind, and at that moment he knew it was over, she couldn’t love him.

Dasom took her eyes off him, she struggled to find the right words.

“I don’t think I can fix this.” She said “And I don’t think you can’t either. I’m grateful for you but I don’t love you anymore, I can’t keep telling you otherwise… So I need you to leave, is that okay?”

Yoongi couldn’t allow himself to cry in front of her, somehow he felt cruel doing it. He realized it was time to go. 

“Of course it's okay, Somi.” He used that silly nickname she didn’t like just to annoy her for the last time. “I understand you don’t but… I do love you, will you remember that?”

She nodded repeatedly, “I will remember.” 

When Yoongi met Dasom he quickly learnt one thing: she was mean, but she was not a regular mean girl, she was worse. She was not kind and she was not sweet, but the world hadn’t been kind or sweet to her either. Dasom cried on father’s day because she missed her dad and hated mother’s day because she hated her mom. She didn’t like romantic movies, didn’t like meeting new people, didn’t like the relationship Yoongi had with his family, she ruined the friendship he had with his best friend, but for some reason she made Yoongi happy for a while, until she left him crying at five in the morning as he drove to his house, wishing he could call Jimin, but he knew he wouldn’t pick up. 

He heard a voice in his head that told him that it was okay to leave, he felt it in his bones.

Present

The morning you left Yoongi’s apartment was almost automatic. You took advantage of the fact that Yoongi was a heavy sleeper, you sneaked into his kitchen and stole those ecological bags he used to do groceries and put all your clothes on them. You had barely managed to get into the subway when you realized something; Yoongi had lied, his apartment was nowhere near to your dorm. If it was, you wouldn’t have to go through the torturous experience of crying on public transport during rush hour. 

When you looked around and watched all those people going on with their lives, you wondered if they didn’t notice that it felt like the saddest day of the year. You couldn't help but wish that everyone felt as sad as you.

When you arrived home you closed the door behind you, finding Nayeon having breakfast. It was early and she was free for today, but you were supposed to spend the morning with Yoongi, hence her confused face. 

“You must have had fun last night.” She almost laughed, “Your hair looks terrible.”

It was silly, but that was the last straw before you broke down crying in your living room, you felt like you couldn't hide anymore. Your friend gasped, running towards you thinking she had hurt you with her words. “I was joking!” She said, grabbing your face and making you look into her eyes. Nayeon quickly realized that you had been crying for longer than she thought, she frowned “Wait… You aren’t crying because of your hair, are you?” You shook your head. “Well, you should be.”

To tell your friends that you got your heart broken was nothing but embarrassing.

You sat in front of Jungkook and Nayeon and told all the things Yoongi said and couldn’t help but remember all the times you showed Nayeon a text from Yoongi that left you giggling like a teenager, the memory made you cringe. 

“He is being a dick.” Jungkook said. 

“He is a dick.” Nayeon corrected him. 

You turned off your phone for three days and Jungkook scolded you for not telling him anything, he had to call Nayeon and ask if you were alive. You were alive, but in terrible pain. 

“Am I exaggerating?” You asked your friends as you interrupted the movie for the eighth time that afternoon. They decided to make you company for the day, but you couldn’t stop thinking about Yoongi, couldn’t stop feeling sad. “Like, who cries this much for a guy? I didn’t cry this much with my ex.”

Nayeon shared a look with Jungkook, ignoring the fact that you were sitting in the middle of both of them. 

“You weren’t in love with Dan.” Jungkook stated. The name of your ex boyfriend gave you chills, almost as if Jungkook had named a dead person.

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows. “Who told you that? I loved Dan.”

“Well, not at the end of your relationship, at least.” Nayeon reminisced.

“I cried.” You remembered her. 

“Yes, because your ego was hurt, not because he broke your heart. You didn’t like that he met someone else.”

You opened your mouth to contradict her, but then you closed it. You loved Dan… but not that much, which annoyed you. That was not the kind of love that you wanted, you wanted to love him deeply and him to love you the same way but you were too stubborn to accept that he wasn’t the right person. He realized that faster than you when he met another girl and left you for her, they were still together last time you stalked him on Instagram. 

“At least he took me to meet his mom.” You murmured, sinking on the couch.

“And she hated you.” Jungkook reminded you, making Nayeon scoff. 

“You are not allowed to make fun of me today.” You protested. “You’re supposed to make me feel better.”

Your friends were trying to make you feel better, they cursed Yoongi in every language and told you a million times it wasn’t your fault that you got your heart broken. Yes, maybe Yoongi wasn’t ready for the words girlfriend and relationship, but the way he acted was completely opposite of his words. You were right to be mad at him, but running away seemed like a terrible choice now, you felt like you left something unfinished, even if he hurt you the idea of not seeing him again sounded crazy. 

You wished you didn’t have to go through this, the weight in your chest did not allow you to go on with your day without thinking of the pile of his clothes in your wardrobe and the ten missed calls on your phone. He stopped calling after he realized your phone was off, you wondered if he gave up. 

“I know what you need.” This time, Jungkook interrupted the movie. “You need another guy.”

Both you and Nayeon turned your heads to look at your male friend. “What the fuck, Jungkook?” She sighed heavily, an idea like that could only come out of Jungkook's mouth. 

Jungkook straightened up in his place and smiled proudly, as if a light bulb had been turned on over his little head.  “Don’t look at me like that, I’m being for real!” 

“Of course you are.” You rolled your eyes and crossed your arms over your chest. 

“Let me introduce you to… Drum roll, please.” He asked Nayeon. 

“I’m not fucking drum rolling for you.” 

“Taehyung!” He exclaimed, ignoring her.

“The last thing I want to do is to meet another man, much less one of your friends” 

“Listen, I have a plan.” Jungkook stopped you. “You said Yoongi was jealous of Kevin, meaning he’s probably a natural jealous person, so you need to make him jealous.” Your friend explained the plan like it was the most brilliant idea that crossed his mind, needless to say that it wasn’t. Yoongi was a jealous person, but what would that get you? He had already called and you didn’t answer him. 

“And after that?” You asked, not because you were curious but because you wanted him to listen to himself and realize that the idea didn’t make sense.

“He realizes that he loves you and begs for forgiveness.” He concluded. Sometimes Jungkook seemed to live in his own world, too much to realize that the idea utterly annoyed you. Sometimes you needed to remind yourself that despite being your best friend, he was a man first. 

“I don’t want him to realize that he loves me because he saw me with another boy.” You huffed. “I wanted him to realize that he loves me just because he does.”

“Yeah, Jungkook.” Nayeon backed you up “That’s very patriarchal of you.” 

He scoffed. “Well maybe I didn't express myself right. What I wanted to say is… Taehyung is hot.”

“How hot?” Your friend on your right questioned, now a little curious. 

“Like, really hot.” 

“We don't trust your judgment.” You argued. 

“I’ll show you.” Jungkook wasted no time in taking his phone out of the pocket of his jeans and looking for a picture of said friend of his. He showed a selfie of a long haired guy, he was tilting his head, shirtless, only wearing a gold chain. You and Nayeon shared a look. “He’s a friend of Bora.”

He was right, this Taehyung guy was actually pretty hot, the little devil on your left shoulder stood on her tiptoes and whispered in your ear that you should try to make Yoongi jealous with him, for a moment you considered it. Until the rational you slapped you on the face and reminded you of the situation. 

“Look, I’m not saying it’s a bad idea…” You started saying as a tiny smirk tugged from the corners of Jungkook’s lips. “But I don’t think it’s what I want. Yoongi already called but I don’t think he knows what he wants either, I’m pretty sure he just feels guilty. I don’t want guilt or jealousy, I just wanted the truth.”

The smile on Jungkook's face disappeared and the three of you stayed in silence. If Jungkook’s main goal was to get Yoongi to talk to you, he had already done that, but instead of picking up the phone you decided to turn it off and run away from him again.

A part of you knew that you simply weren’t like that, and the other part of you allowed herself to daydream about the situation.

“I get your point, you know?” Nayeon said. “But you’re being too hard on yourself.” You lifted your gaze from your hands and stared at her. “You’ve been trying to convince yourself that he pities you and that he feels guilty but I don’t see it like that. I don’t know Yoongi as much as you do, but I know that what you two had wasn’t just sex like he implied.” 

“Gross.” Jungkook joked, making you giggle.

“Shut up.” She scoffed, “I can’t tell you what you want to hear because I don’t know about that, but I can’t stand here and hear you say how much he pities you either.”

You felt yourself becoming tinier and tinier between your two friends. Now the fear of not being reciprocated was much greater than the longing to be loved that you felt every time you were laying on his bed. How foolish of you to get caught up in his words, it hurt to think that the pain of his past was much stronger than whatever he felt for you. 

“What’s the correct thing to do, then?” You asked, not really expecting an answer from them. 

“Honey, I’ve been trying to be politically correct since you came here crying the other day. You know I’m not, so don’t even think there’s an idea of the correct thing to do in my mind at this moment.” She paused. “It pains me to say this, but Jungkook’s idea sounds a little fun right now.” 

Yoongi put on his headphones for the tenth time that night and ignored another upcoming call from Hoseok. He had finished all his projects with him, so he had no interest in talking with anyone unless it was about work.

He received the notification of the missed call and allowed himself to check the lock screen, there was nothing from you, of course there wasn’t.

The morning after the fight he woke up sore on his couch, hoping to see you still sleeping on his bed. He went to his room but didn’t find you there. It wasn’t a surprise, it was dumb to expect you to still be there after all he said.

Yoongi tried to call you a few times, but it was out of desperation. He didn’t know what to say or how to say sorry to you; his mind was still a mess and instead of finally using his time to think about his situation, he decided to overwork himself and not to think of anything. 

He should be drinking a coffee now, maybe a tea before going to bed. Something happened yesterday and the heating of the entire building was cut off, despite the cold he opened another can of beer and hoped to drink so much that the next morning he could wake up drunk enough to not remember you. 

As he brought the can to his lips, he heard the loud sound of the ring bell, making him jump on the chair. He checked the time on his phone, it was ten pm and he didn’t order any food tonight. Curious, he headed to the kitchen where there was a small screen with a view of the entrance of the building. He saw Namjoon, who somehow could tell that Yoongi was observing him from his kitchen. His friend waved to the camera with a smile. 

“What do you want?” He asked through the communicator. His deep voice startled his friend. 

“To see you!” Namjoon replied loudly. Yoongi had no option but to let him in.

In less than five minutes Namjoon was in Yoongi’s apartment taking his shoes off “It’s freezing here!” Was the first thing he said. 

“I know, the heating was cut off until next week.” Yoongi cared to explain. 

“Don’t you have a heater?” Namjoon asked, confused as he headed to Yoongi’s couch, making himself comfortable. 

Yoongi didn’t have a heater, maybe because he took the heating for granted. 

“Obviously I don’t.” He answered, waiting just long enough to ask his friend what he was doing there without sounding too rude. ‘To see you’ wasn’t a valid reason for Yoongi.

“The richman’s life,” Namjoon laughed as he snuggled on the couch “he doesn’t have a heater.” 

Yoongi joined him sitting next to him, a little annoyed that Namjoon couldn’t notice that he wanted to be alone. “What happened?” Yoongi asked. 

“I don’t know, you tell me.” 

Namjoon looked for Yoongi’s eyes but he avoided his gaze. He wasn’t planning to talk to anyone today, he wasn’t planning on talking to anyone for the rest of the week.

“Nothing happened.” 

Namjoon squinted “Why are you getting drunk by yourself, then?” 

“I’m not drunk.” Yoongi lied. 

“You are drunk.”

“Are you interrogating me?” 

“Maybe… Why didn't you come to the studio for three days?”

“I’m the boss.” Yoongi slurred. 

“That would be very unethical of you.” Namjoon shook his head in disapprovement. “But I know you’re lying. I asked Jungkook to talk to you about a new project and do you know what he said?” 

“I don’t.” Yoongi suppressed a burp.

“He said that he couldn’t talk to you, huh? I thought you two fought, which I found weird. Imagine how surprised I was to find out that you actually fought with your little girlfriend.”

“Who told you that?” Yoongi frowned, getting closer to his friend as the conversation started to interest him.

“Are you not listening? Jungkook!”

“Is Jungkook mad at me?” Yoongi managed to ask. 

“Yeah, I mean… A little, I guess.” 

“That’s not fair.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “He can’t pick a side. He’s my friend too.” 

“Pick a side? Was it that bad?” Namjoon asked. “Come on, tell me what happened.”

Yoongi hesitated for a second, feeling himself getting smaller under Namjoon’s gaze, but due to how drunk he was it was easy for Namjoon to extract all the information he could from him. The hard part was getting Yoongi to finish a whole sentence without tripping over his own words.

It would have been difficult to admit that he was an asshole if he was sober, but as the drunkenness wore off he became more aware of Namjoon’s judging eyes. 

A friend would never judge you, except if you fucked up really bad. 

“Is there a valid reason for why you did that?” Namjoon asked. “Because as your friend, I’m trying really hard to think of one.”

Yoongi closed his eyes and threw his head back, already annoyed, trying to imagine that Namjoon wasn’t there asking him all those questions. “I don’t need you to scold me.”

“I just… I don’t understand!” He laughed “You managed to make a girl like that stay with you and you let her go?”

He opened just one eye to stare at Namjoon. “What do you mean?” He whispered. “Don’t you think I can make a good girl stay?”

“You just pushed her away, Yoongi.” Namjoon reminded him. 

“I wanted it like that.” He argued. 

“Didn’t you just tell me that you called her after she left?” He questioned.

Yoongi wasn’t sober enough to lie properly. “That’s none of your business.”

“I’m your friend, it is my business.”

“Yeah, well-” He tried to argue “It's hard to explain .”

“Bullshit.” Namjoon said “Just try me.”

Yoongi sighed, defeated. He felt like the thought had been rotting his mind for too long now, it prevented him from going on with his day without feeling like something bad was about to happen. There was no use in blaming someone else, he himself had caused the situation. 

But Namjoon made him feel safe, he had been there for Yoongi for so long that sometimes he was afraid he took him for granted. It was easy to tell him the truth, even if he didn’t know if Namjoon would approve. His young friend seemed to be wiser than him sometimes.  

“I had a dream the other night… About Dasom.” Yoongi started saying. Namjoon felt like a ghost passed behind him when he heard that name, his expression suddenly changed. He couldn’t remember when was the last time that Yoongi mentioned his ex girlfriend, he surely didn’t expect to hear her name in this conversation. 

“Yeah? What was the dream about?” He asked, barely hiding his surprise. 

“It was just the memory of the night she left me.” Yoongi explained “No wonder I dreamt of her, I have been thinking about her non stop, about everything that happened during that time. When I remember her my chest hurts and I get really sad. I can’t help but feel guilty, I’ve been a bad friend and to move on without fixing my mistakes feels wrong.”

“You’ve been a bad friend?” Namjoon repeated, not really understanding.

“You know I have” 

Namjoon took a second to think. 

“You are talking about Jimin.” Namjoon realized. Yoongi silently nodded. “That’s a strange way of seeing things, Yoongi.”

“Doesn’t it make sense?” He asked “I ruined my friendship with Jimin because of my relationship with Dasom and for what? She left me, I couldn’t help her. I can almost hear him laughing at me.”

His friend struggled to find the right words, he didn’t have a say when it came to the friendship that Yoongi and Jimin used to share, but he tried. He could see in Yoongi’s eyes that he was lost in the memory of his ex friend, he just wanted to hear something to ease the pain he felt on his chest. 

“I know it still hurts that you fucked things with him. I still think about him too, about what he said and everything. I wish we could have done things differently too, but don’t you think I agree that that’s a good reason for pushing her away.”

“I know it’s not a good reason.” He said “But I haven’t thought of anything else since she left.”

“Mmm… So what you’re saying is that you want to fix things with Jimin and then you can move on with your life?” Namjoon tried to joke, but in Yoongi’s mind it made sense. 

“Jimin didn’t want to see my face ever again.” He reminded Namjoon. “So that’s kind of impossible.” 

It wasn’t in Yoongi’s plans to talk about Jimin today, it was a sensitive topic for him. Talking about him was almost like talking about a dead person, his name stained the room with sadness. 

“The solution is to never be happy again because you lost a friend, then.” 

“Don’t say it like that.” Yoongi whined, throwing his head back on the couch. Namjoon couldn’t help but laugh at him.

“Like what?” He giggled. 

“Like you don’t understand.”

“No, I understand. I remember you hurt Jimin, but I also remember that you were in a terrible place.” He remembered “You weren’t in position to choose between your friend and your girlfriend, you made mistakes and that’s okay. People make mistakes and the world keeps spinning. I think Jimin would understand.”

“Jimin hates me.” Yoongi whined, he couldn’t stand to hear his name one more time.

“Jimin just wanted you to be happy.” He lowered his voice, like he was telling him a secret. Yoongi knew that, but he found out way too late. “And she’s not Dasom.” 

“I know she’s not, but…”

“Yoongi, what is it that you want?” His friend got closer to him and grabbed him by his shoulders, making Yoongi roll his eyes. He wishes it was as easy as wanting something or not.

“I don’t know.” He half lied, half told the truth. 

“You seriously don’t have a clue?”

“I want her.” He confessed. 

“How much?” Namjoon insisted. 

“Badly.”

“Badly? That’s lame” He mocked him.

“I love her.” Yoongi let out. He swore he felt like a weight was lifted off of him, but Namjoon didn’t look surprised like he expected, he knew him too well not to realize that Yoongi was in love. He fooled himself if he thought he was keeping it a secret. “Too much, actually. She’s a good friend to me, not just a lover, she understands me.”

“But?”

“But I don’t know how to make her happy.” Yoongi replied, Namjoon couldn’t believe what he was hearing, his friend was too immersed in his own world to realize that what he was saying made no sense. 

“You are kidding right now.” Namjoon laughed, but Yoongi was not joking at all. 

He knew that happiness was a very short-lived concept, but when he fell in love with you all those months before, he thought that maybe that was wrong. He felt happy all the time when he was with you and when you were gone he hoped and waited to see you again just to feel that again. Was it happiness, was it obsession, was it love? He didn’t have an answer, he didn't need to explain himself when he was with you. 

“Yoongi, that girl adores you.” Namjoon informed him “You are crazy if you think that she is not happy when she’s with you.”

“How do you know that, anyway?” Yoongi tried to sound defensive, like Namjoon didn’t know what he was talking about, but deep down he just needed some kind of confirmation that you weren’t going to be totally miserable like Dasom was next to him. 

“Because I have eyes!” He laughed “She likes being around you, she would have left earlier if she didn’t.”

“It would be different to be in a relationship than what we have now… Or had, I don’t know.”

“It’s literally the same thing. You are starting to annoy me by making all these excuses just because you are afraid.”

Yoongi frowned and glared at his friend, almost angry to hear him. “I am not afraid.” He tried to deny it. 

“You are!” Namjoon shouted, silencing Yoongi “And it’s not bad to be afraid, you know what’s really bad? What you did to her.” 

He stayed there, looking like Namjoon stole the words from his mouth. He was right, Yoongi spended the last days making up excuses, trying to convince himself that he actually wanted to say all of that to you, that he was not pushing you away because he was afraid. 

That wasn’t him, he wasn’t the asshole who told you that he wanted you all for himself and the next week told you that you confused things. He wasn’t the asshole that pretended that he didn’t act like your boyfriend too. He was the person who waited for you with burned food and you were the girl who ate it and didn’t mention that it tasted bad. He was the person who you could trust and you were the person who he could trust.

“You were a great boyfriend to Dasom and you are a good guy. But now you tried so hard not to be an asshole that you ended up being one anyway.”

“Don’t fucking tell me ‘I told you so’.”

“It’s not about telling you that I told you so, Yoongi. It’s about making things right. Stop lying to yourself by saying you wanted her away.”

“So what should I do?” He asked, that night his friend seemed to have all the answers. “I obviously fucked up really bad this time.”

“Give her space, time to think.” Namjoon responded “Keep in mind that you told her the worst thing someone can say to their girlfriend.” It was funny how Namjoon assumed that you were always his girlfriend. “Give yourself some time to think too, apologize. But don’t compulsively call her again, that’s creepy. If you want to fix things, look for her. Come on, Yoongi. I thought you knew more about girls.”

Yoongi had been with more girls than he could count during the last two years and hadn’t learned shit about any of them, except for you. He knew you were kind, sweet and the most intelligent person he knew. You loved romantic movies and said hello to dogs on the street. His brother liked you, his friends loved you and you made him happy. He wanted to believe he could make you happy too, but he made you cry instead. 

“I thought the same thing.” He murmured. 

Namjoon stayed until Yoongi was fully sober and before leaving he asked him to answer Hoseok’s calls, Yoongi promised to do so. He felt grateful that Namjoon laughed at him, it made Yoongi feel like it wasn’t the end of the world. 

After ten years of friendship with Jungkook, just now you realized that trusting him blindly never brought you any luck. You should have known that Jungkook’s plan was going to be terrible, he had arranged a fake double date with Bora ━his girlfriend━ him and Taehyung, and when you asked him how he was going to get Yoongi jealous, he managed to deliver the most absurd answer you’ve ever heard. 

“I’m going to post an Instagram story.” He explained as he drove to Taehyung’s pace. You looked at Bora, who was sitting in the passenger seat, already rolling her eyes. 

“Is that your whole plan?” You asked.

“No, I’m going to post a story and I’m going to tag you and Taehyung.” He concluded, like it made any difference. 

“You are joking.” 

“I am not!” Jungkook defended himself, a smirk appeared on his face as he pictured the situation “Imagine Yoongi’s face when he taps on Tae’s profile and he sees you are on a date with a super hot guy.”

“The last thing Yoongi is going to assume is that I’m on a date.” You argued.

“Yoongi is not going to assume that you’re on a date.” He said “Yoongi is going to see that you’re on a date.”

“I’m not liking this idea.” You already felt sick in your stomach. 

“When Yoongi comes begging at your doorstep you are going to thank me.”

“I hardly doubt that’s going to happen.” Bora said. Even if you thought the same, it made you a little sad to hear it from her. 

As Jungkook got closer to Taehyung’s apartment you daydreamed of what your night could’ve been if you stayed home. It was a cold night, you could have watched a movie and sink in your loneliness since Nayeon was away for the week visiting her family. 

The plan of making Yoongi jealous didn’t sound as fun anymore, maybe the idea comforted you for a moment when you joked about it with your friends, but now the feeling was wearing off. You did not like conflict, it was never like that with Yoongi. Things were calm with him, they were simple. 

You thought that after two weeks of not seeing him things would get better, but they were worse. It made you think that everything he said was actually true, he didn’t call again, he didn’t text, you didn’t see him anymore.

Vaguely, you remembered that earlier Jungkook had told you not to lose hope, it made you giggle in the moment, now you were wondering if it was really worth it.

When you saw the big poster of The Godfather hanging in Taehyung’s living room wall, you tried to suppress the thought. Then, you paid attention to the pink cardigan he was wearing, he lit up a cigarette and offered a glass of wine. You couldn’t help but wonder, wasn’t he a little… pretentious? 

Well, you don't like to judge people at first sight, but you were quick to judge men, especially the ones you had fake dates with. But if you were being honest, all the movie posters in his walls were bothering you, precisely the one of Scar Face that you saw on the way to the bathroom. Later you realized that it wasn’t Taehyung’s fault that you saw Yoongi everywhere.

At least Taehyung was kind enough to pose for the story that Jungkook posted. In the photo you were turning your backs to the camera, observing the framed poster. It was ridiculous and not subtle at all, but Jungkook assured you that it looked like he just wanted to take a picture of the poster and you just happened to be there next to Taehyung. The part where he tagged both of you was unjustifiable. 

On the other hand, you found it funny that The Godfather was one of Yoongi’s favorite movies. 

Now you were in Taehyung’s balcony with him alone, Bora and Jungkook stayed inside since it was colder than an hour ago. You just wanted to be in silence for a minute. 

Taehyung took out the cigarette box from his pocket and extended it to you, you shook your head. “I don’t smoke.” You declined.  

“Good for you.” He responded, lighting up one for himself. “I actually quit months ago but came back to it recently.”

“You can always quit again.” You mentioned. You saw a small cloud coming out of your mouth as you talked. Even if spring was close it was still freezing at night.

“Yeah, I’ll try again when I feel less nervous.” His voice sounded weird when he had the cigarette between his lips. 

“Are you nervous now?” You tried to joke.

“I’m nervous all the time. Especially now after Jungkook posted that, I don’t know how he dragged me into this.”

“What do you mean? You didn’t want to do that?” You asked confused, he turned his head to you and shrugged, a shy smile appearing on his face. 

“I don’t think my girlfr- ex girlfriend would care very much.” He explained, leaving you more confused than before.

“What are you talking about? Jungkook convinced me about that story because he said that someone I like would get jealous.”

“Really?” He frowned, taking another drag of his cigarette. “My girlfriend left me three weeks ago, he told me if I can make her jealous with you she’ll text me. I don’t have much hope now, I thought his plan was smarter than this.”

Jungkook forgot to mention that Taehyung was in a similar situation to you. What a fucker, you thought. You would talk about it later. 

“I thought so too. I had a little bit of hope that it would work out but I don’t think that Yoongi would ever believe it.” You admitted.

“Oh, so you’re Yoongi’s girl.” He recognized you. 

“Do you know him?”

“No.” He said, his cigarette was now half of it. “But I know that he signed Jungkook, he loves him.”

“Yeah, well, he kind of left me too. Jungkook said that I should get him jealous but he’s not like that. He’s not gonna get jealous if he sees me in a picture with a guy, especially if it’s instagram. He doesn’t care about stuff like that.”

“It’s a terrible idea.” Taehyung laughed, he crushed the cigarette in the ashtray and left it there, crossing his arms above his chest. “You and I should think of a better idea to get both Yoongi and my ex girlfriend jealous without Jungkook’s help.”

“We should hang out near Yoongi’s studio.” You proposed it as a joke. 

“Yeah, we should have a fake date in front of Lucy’s apartment, she would totally call me after that, she would fall in love with me again.” Taehyung joked too, but the tone of his voice was sad, you immediately felt a wave of nostalgia washing over you. You looked inside and observed Jungkook and Bora laughing, it was completely opposite of the situation you shared with Taehyung, both of you seemed to be deeply heartbroken. 

“Though the idea sounds very tempting, Yoongi would know if I try to make him jealous, he would probably laugh.”

“Lucy would think I am an idiot.” He said. “If she doesn’t already think I am.”

“This is a sign of the universe, maybe.” You said, sounding like Nayeon. 

“What is the universe telling us, exactly?” Taehyung couldn’t help but laugh, at least he felt accompanied in his sorrow.

“That we should move on.” You explained. “I mean not now, we deserve to cry for a while, mourn the situation. But then we should move on if the other person doesn’t really care.” 

Taehyung thought about it, somehow he believed you, even when you didn’t fully believe in your own words. 

“We should make a pact.” He proposed. “Take the sign first.”

“How?” You questioned, interested in the proposal.  

“Well, we wait for Yoongi or Lucy to see the instagram story, if they don’t text we should move on.”

“After mourning the situation.” You remarked.

“After mourning the situation.” Taehyung repeated.

“Deal.” You extended your hand and offered it to him. “He hasn’t called in two weeks, I don’t think he will.”

“Deal.” Taehyung took your hands and shook it. “But if we regret this, we should do the fake date instead”

You laughed, agreeing right away. In his eyes you could see that even if you shook hands, it didn’t mean anything for either of you. You wished that letting go of Yoongi was as easy as that.

After two hours you came back home with a new friend, who promised to let you know if his ex texted him, and if she didn’t too. You promised to tell him if Yoongi called, already knowing that he won’t. 

Your apartment was empty, dark and cold. You turned on the heating and the lights before making yourself a tea and preparing for bed. You had never been so happy to get under the sheets like that night. 

You saw the story that Jungkook posted, you told yourself it wasn’t that ridiculous, maybe it will bother Yoongi, but you cursed your friend for not coming up with a more intelligent idea, and cursed yourself for still thinking about it. You fell asleep thinking nothing else could interrupt the next nine hours you were planning to sleep. You were wrong. 

The sound of your phone vibrating incessantly in your nightstand woke you up at two in the morning. You grabbed it in your hands and with barely open eyes you saw a chain of texts from different people and two missed calls. 

[jkjk]: Yoongi saw the story earlier lolololololol

[jkjk]: FINGERS CROSSED. 

[jkjk]: manifesting. 

…

[Yoongo]: wos teahjying

[Yoongo]: !

[Yoongo]: ? 

[Yoongo]: im

[Yoongo]: otsid

[Yoongo]: here

[Yoongo]: 🦿

You jumped out of your bed when you read Yoongi’s name in your phone, running towards your closest window to check if Yoongi’s car was outside. Your heavy eyes scanned the dark street, but there wasn’t a soul outside, and especially not Yoongi’s car. 

A shiver ran down your spine when you heard the sound of the doorbell. You didn't like loud sounds when you were alone at night, and this was the sound of the front doorbell, not the one downstairs. 

[Baby]: Is that you?

“It’s me!” You heard Yoongi’s deep voice behind the door two seconds after you sent the message. Your heart started beating loud against your ribcage, suddenly your legs felt weaker. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked, managing to sound upset. 

“I wanted… to talk.” He replied “About my heating!”

You pressed yourself against the door, trying to hear him correctly without opening it. “Your heating?” You continued to question.

“My heating!” He reaffirmed. “It was cut off… three weeks ago. I don't have anywherrre to stay.” His slurred voice hinted to you that he was drunk, hence the way he wrote those texts.

You opened the door before realizing that it would be a mistake. You weren’t ready to see Yoongi yet, or hear him or have him close. You weren’t ready to see him at your doorstep in his pajamas, wearing a big hoodie and flip flops. The only things on his hands were his phone and the copy of keys you gave him two months ago. 

“How the hell did you get here?” 

“A taxi, duh.” He slurred, leaning against the door frame.

“Well, you know you can’t be here. You shouldn't have come in the first place.” 

You dried your sweaty hands on your pajama shorts, you were worried that he could notice how nervous you were. Your whole body felt hot and there was not a single coherent thought in your mind right now. You hated how vulnerable he made you feel, so nervous and unsure.

“Why?” He questioned, crossing his arms above his chest. “Because you are with Taehyung?”

You felt like your heart dropped in the pit of your stomach in one second. You took a step back, but he took a step forward, staring at you like his eyes were daggers. 

“Taehyung?” You repeated, giggling nervously. 

“Taehyung!” He shouted. Again, you didn’t like loud sounds at night. You grabbed his arm and pushed him inside, afraid that one of your neighbors might wake up. 

“Don’t scream!” You scolded him. “It’s two in the morning, you should be at your house. I don’t want you here.”

Yoongi ignored you, he looked around your apartment trying to find any trace of another man. He closed the door behind him and started walking towards your room. “Why?” He kept shouting “Because Taehyung is here?

You followed him, gripping his arm tightly and turning him around. The smell of alcohol on his breath hit your face centimeters away from it, you didn’t like to be that close to him. You felt a need to push him away, to call a taxi and send him back home, but you stood there in the hallway and stared at him like it didn’t hurt you.

“Taehyung is not here.” You spat “What the fuck are you talking about?” 

“Wh- What am I talking about? I saw Jungkook’s instagram.” He explained. His gaze was soft unlike yours, you were looking at him angry, explicitly stating that you didn't want him there. Even drunk he could tell how angry you were. He looked sleepy and his eyes were glassy. He tried hard not to look at you like that conversation was normal, like he didn’t break your heart, but he failed. 

“I need you to leave.” You insisted, but he ignored you again.

“What should I do?” He wondered to himself “I have… been thinking s-since you left. Do you want me to…?” You saw him trying to find balance. Confused, you frowned when you realized that he was trying to beg for your forgiveness but he was struggling to get down on his knees. You suppressed a laugh and tried to stop him. 

“Stop!” You exclaimed, gripping his wrist once again and pulling him back up. 

He fought to free himself from your hands and in the middle of the attempt he fell to the floor, bringing you down alongside him. 

“You are being irrational.” You said, fighting to keep your voice steady, but the emotions were leaking from your words. Yoongi scoffed.

“Am I?” He questioned. 

“Yes. And you’re being cruel.” Yoongi looked up and encountered your eyes filled with tears. “You can’t do this to me, not after what you said to me.”

He lifted his hand and tried to reach for your face, but you pushed it away. 

“I got desperate.”  He tried to explain, but you shook your head.

“You will regret this when you wake up.”

“But it’s still winter.” He managed to say. 

“Yoongi…” You warned, but he kept ignoring you. 

“It’s still winter and I miss you.”

“I don’t want to listen to you.” You interrupted him. 

“Maybe in summer it was hot and I didn’t notice it but now it’s cold and I don’t have you to keep me warm.”

You felt your heart clenching, it was like he crushed it with his own hands and returned it to you expecting you wouldn’t say anything. You hated that Yoongi mentioned last summer like that, you had been thinking about it during the last weeks. It was cruel to come here and expect you to welcome him, expect you to act like he didn’t leave you shattered. 

“But the only way to talk to me was to get drunk first?”

“Baby…” 

“Don’t call me that.” You stopped him “If you want to come here, you ask first, you shouldn't do this. This is not nice.”

Yoongi was quick to realize that you were being dead serious, that this wasn’t the right thing to do. He had been hoping to see you again for so long that when he had you in front of him, it was too late to notice that he had been wrong. 

“You are right.” He admitted. “I’m sorry.” You sighed heavily, looking at the ceiling. It was hard to separate this Yoongi from the Yoongi of three weeks ago. This one seemed harmless unlike the other one, but you couldn’t bring yourself to pity him. “I wanted to talk to you.”

“About what? Taehyung?” You scoffed. 

“No, about us.”

“I won’t talk to you unless you’re sober.” You sentenced. Yoongi nodded, looking resigned. 

“Could you wait for me, then?” He dared to request. “Just a few hours, until I get sober.”

Was this what you wanted? To consider his request felt wrong, you didn’t want things to end up like this. Your brain was telling you to send him back home, but you knew that you deserved to give yourself closure, something that didn’t make you feel like you ran away and left things undone. You nodded, giving him the benefit of the doubt. 

“Just a few hours. And you’re sleeping in my bed, I’ll wait in Nayeon’s.” 

“I only like your bed when you are there.” He was bold enough to say. 

“Shut up and stand up.”

taglist: @scqrl3tte @kimseokjinbangtan @minmin2022 @minvlush @bids97 @cowboylikevicky @jiimtaee @jjkmspace @localmoonchild @itsfinallymyyearhenderson @tarahardcore @kookstempo @yoongimentita7 @jwlmnbt @almosttoopizza @floriiansgrave @damn-u-min-yoongi @starbtslove @bastard--bunny @pelicanpizza @deliciouslydisturbed365 @g0lden-sunset @side-effectss @iwishselena @rosquilleta @funsizemarsbar92

ghost of you | myg

Summary: After a few months Yoongi starts to think that his feelings for you are getting out of his control, but they never were in the first place.

this is part three of so it goes: series masterlist

<part two part four>

—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of? they're in love) to lovers, fluff but lots of angst!!

—warnings/tags: just cursing.

—words: 4.8k

a/note: Hello friends!! This is the shortest part i've written, but I hope you like the angst. It was difficult to write the dialogue and I hope it makes you angry!!! or sad!!!! as always, feedback is very appreciated, it makes me want to keep writing 😁 you are welcome to discuss the chapter in the asks. pd if you want to be in the taglist let me know.

What is love? And what does it look like?

Yoongi couldn’t remember half of the names of the romcoms you made him watch since you met him, he put himself in your shoes and tried to understand How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days. He didn’t like The Notebook at all, but he loved 13 going 30. He laughed watching Crazy, Stupid, Love and asked if you found Ryan Gosling attractive.

“Not really,” You answered “He’s not my type but he’s cute here.” He nodded and kept watching the movie. 

Yoongi should have known that you weren’t just his fuckbuddy when he started to invite you to his apartment just to watch movies and eat pizza. You were supposed to be naked under him as he fucked you stupid until it was time for him to take you home. You weren’t supposed to be wearing those pink pajama pants and laying on his chest as you watched some movie with Lindsay Lohan and Chris Pine. 

Did you find Chris Pine attractive?  

“Yes!” You confirmed  “He’s cute with glasses and he’s on The Princess Diaries 2”

“I don’t know that one.”

“Have you never watched The Princess Diaries?” You asked, wide-eyed.

“Do I look like someone who watched something called The Princess Diaries?” 

“You’re about to.” You threatened.

He sighed, but as soon as you woke up the next morning you made him watch the first part, and when it finished you watched the second one with Chris Pine. As he tried not to get jealous of a movie character (the fact that you sighed everytime he appeared didn’t help) he thought he didn’t know what love looked like, he didn’t know how to see it coming, no amount of romantic movies could teach him about love. 

The memory of the moment he realized he was in love knocked on his door every night since you left his apartment that weekend. He remembered your red lips and the words they spoke and wished he could read between them, wished he could relive that night one more time just to see if he missed something, a clue that could help him solve the riddle in his mind. 

Yoongi thought love looked like you and Holly sharing his bed, he thought it sounded like you saying his name in a whimper at night. It felt like your hands covering his when it was cold, It tasted like your strawberry lip gloss. 

For a while he thought he had control of things, he thought he didn’t have to worry about what he said at Nayeon’s birthday. Yoongi should’ve known that things were out of his control when you asked about his birthday. 

Yoongi didn’t like his birthday too much. When he was a kid he liked the presents and the cake but as he grew older the feeling started to wear out, presents started to disappear and his mom was far away in a different city to make him a cake. When he met Namjoon and Hoseok it changed, they forced him to go out and celebrate but he still felt that cloud of awkwardness that came with the passing of the years, like he was too old to celebrate.  

“It’s just another day.” He would say. 

Maybe it was the fact that Yoongi had to grow up quickly, not having much time for birthday cakes or colorful birthday parties, but when you noticed his birthday was just around the corner, you tried to make him say it. 

Rolling on his bed with your phone in your hands, you put your head on his shoulder as he texted Hoseok about the track they were working on. 

“You are a pisces, aren’t you?”  You asked him, knowing damn well his sign. 

“Uh, yeah, I think so.” Yoongi answered without taking his eyes off his phone. 

“Do you know your rising?” He locked his phone and looked at you like you just asked him to solve a math problem. 

“What are you talking about?” 

“Your rising sign, Yoongi.” You said rolling your eyes, he was such a grandpa. 

“I don’t know my rising sign, I don’t even know what that is.” 

“Okay, what time were you born?” You asked, already looking for an internet page that could easily calculate Yoongi’s natal chart. Then, you started to explain to him what a natal chart was. 

“I don’t believe in all that stuff.”  He simply answered with his hands on his phone, typing a message to his mom that said “Mom, do you know what time I was born?”

Yoongi’s mom answered in just a few minutes, you typed his location, the time he was born and his birthday: march 9th, that was just three weeks away. 

“You’re an aries rising…” You said scrolling through the chart, he looked curious, trying to understand the weird graphic shaped like a circle that showed on your phone.

“What is that?” He asked.

“Well, you know you’re pisces, that’s your solar sign which can say a lot about you but not enough. Your solar sign represents your inner self and rising your external self, like inside you’re a pisces but outside you show as an aries.” You explained to him “Which is quite interesting, you show like you’re fiery and strong but on the inside you’re emotional and sensitive.” 

“You’re like, psychoanalyzing me now.” He laughed.

“See, it’s real.”

“I never said it was.”

“Anyway, your moon is in Virgo and Venus is in Aries, how about that?”

“Venus?” Yoongi asked again, you looked at him like he made a forbidden question, already feeling your cheeks burn. 

“Venus is the planet of love.” You almost whispered, like it was a secret “Quite complicated, you want things right away and get bored easily.”

“How do you know all of that?” He asked again, bringing you closer to him by hugging your waist. 

“I don’t know anything, but Nayeon does, she talks about it all the time and I learned some things.” 

Yoongi nodded, taking his eyes off you. Then, he can’t help but ask one stupid question:

“What’s your venus?” 

You bite back a smirk before answering.

“My venus is in taurus. So don’t get your hopes too high, we’re not compatible.” 

You heard his laugh right next to your ear but then, nothing else. Suddenly it seemed like you remembered the main goal of the conversation. 

“Your birthday is in three weeks.” 

“You’re smart, I see.”

“What are you planning?” 

“Nothing, it’s a tuesday. I have to work, you have to go to school. Probably just… I don’t know, sleep three hours more, that would be a good present.”

You rolled your eyes again. 

“You should be doing something. You don’t turn twenty-eight everyday!” 

Yoongi didn’t know, but you started to plan his birthday right at that moment.

“Come on!” You insisted. “You can say it’s just a dinner and everyone would know that after eating they have to leave.” 

“I have to feed them, too?” He asked, laughing. 

“Oh my God, Yoongi, you’re really that boring?” 

“Not wanting to feed my friends on my birthday doesn’t mean I’m boring.” 

“Yes, that means you’re boring. That’s literally the definition in the dictionary, look it up.”

He sighed again, thinking for a few seconds. 

“Okay, I’ll be inviting them to eat. But as my birthday present I want you to cook for me.”

You looked at him, happy that you convinced him, grabbing his cheeks and pressing him a short but loud kiss on his lips.

“That’s the only thing you want?”

“Mmm… Maybe you in a babydoll, too.” 

An ugly loud escaped from your mouth, making him laugh with you. 

Three weeks later, you kissed him on the cheek and whispered the third happy birthday of the day before leaving his bed. Hours later when you finished your classes you looked for him in his studio with a box full of chocolate cupcakes in your hands. 

He thanked you with a smile, grabbing your hips to sit you on his lap. As he chewed the first one he asked, 

“These aren’t yours, are they?” 

“No, these are from that lady friend of mine.”

“Grace?”

Grace was an old woman you had met in a pastry course months ago, you always envied her skills, she never seemed to struggle. Instead of hating her and her cupcakes you decided to be friends with her and steal all her secrets. 

“Yes, I asked her to make them for your birthday, you know cupcakes aren’t my thing.”

“Tell her thank you.”

“I will, she wished you a happy birthday.”

Yoongi smiled and as you shared the cupcakes he imagined your conversation with Grace. Did you tell her it was your friend’s birthday? 

You arrived at his apartment shortly after and he helped you place the food and drinks on the table and together waited for his friend to arrive. Yoongi couldn’t help but smile the whole night and towards the end of the dinner he looked at you and asked you if you were going to stay the night. 

“If you want to.” You answered. He kissed you and he tasted your strawberry lip gloss.

When everyone went home you waited for him sitting at the edge of his bed. He grabbed your chin and made you look at him. 

“Are you my present?” He asked. 

“If you want to.” A mischievous smile tugged from the corner of your lips. 

He took off your blouse and kissed your neck, you heard him scoff. 

“What?”

“I’m a bit disappointed.” He confessed “About the babydoll, you know?”

You punched his arm “You’re kidding.” Yoongi’s shoulders started to shake as he laughed. 

“Maybe for my next birthday. Or christmas.”

Yoongi felt like he was floating on a cloud for a whole week. You were next to him the whole time but he couldn’t help but feel that something was about to go terribly wrong. 

Maybe things started to go wrong way before, but he felt it for the first time at one of Jungkook’s gatherings at his house. It was just him,Jungkook, Namjoon, Hoseok, Nayeon and you, everything was okay until Namjoon asked something. 

“What about your girlfriend, when do we meet her?” He asked Jungkook.

“She’s not his girlfriend yet.” Nayeon answered for him. Everyone stared at her. 

“What do you mean?” Jungkook questioned her.

Poor boy. 

“Have you asked her?” You asked this time. 

“Well… no, but..”

“Then she’s not your girlfriend.” Jungkook and every boy in the room looked at you like you just insulted him.

“Does it matter?” He was bold enough to ask. 

“Of course it does.” Nayeon supported you. 

“It’s important for a girl to know if a guy wants the whole deal.” You said. 

Jungkook seemed to be one of the most attractive men in the world yet he still didn’t know shit about girls, but the worst thing was that Yoongi realized that he didn’t know shit either. 

Of course he knew you weren’t his girlfriend, but he thought there was an unspoken agreement about your relationship. The bad part about unspoken agreements was that you couldn’t talk about them, you can’t talk about the terms of them, you can’t discuss them, you have to act like they don’t exist. 

So where did that leave the two of you?

“Wouldn’t it be dumb to ask her?”

“You are dumb for asking that.” Nayeon informed him. 

“You wouldn’t have an anniversary date otherwise.” You added. 

Yoongi could see Jungkook made a mental note of asking his not-girlfriend to finally be his girlfriend. Then, he felt himself sinking in the couch next to you, feeling like he was staying behind, dragging you with him. 

You came back to his house like every other night, laid on the bed laughing as you remembered a joke Hoseok made and how red Nayeon’s face turned because she couldn’t stop laughing. You told him that no other man was capable of getting more than a scoff from her. Yoongi managed to giggle and got in bed with you. 

There was a heavy weight on his chest again, but no actions or words from you were capable of easing him this time. He hugged you from behind like it was the last time he was going to do it, like you were about to get up and leave. He fell asleep feeling like he was hugging the ghost of you. 

How selfish he was, he thought; you woke up the next day and didn’t leave the bed until he did, it was one of those special mornings where he asked you to stay and you did. You looked at him with shiny eyes and he knew you felt the same for him, how many people could look at the person next to them and say the same thing?

Yoongi knew that people thought you were completely opposite from him, but he also knew that was not true. You both passionately loved music, you liked the comfort of silence, cooking together, every old sitcom airing after midnight that no one watched except the two of you. You liked driving around and going to the movies, you laughed at the same jokes and liked to help your friends whenever they needed it without complaining. You were similar and yet, he wished he could be a little more like you. He wished he could look at you the same way you were looking at him that morning without wanting to run away and hide forever. 

Coward. 

He was a coward, he couldn’t escape from that. 

When he left you at your apartment he came back to his own and as he walked down the hallway he couldn’t help but feel he was walking towards the guillotine, towards a home which every corner reminded him of you but you weren’t there. His sheets smelled like the soft perfume you were wearing the night before and your coffee mug was freshly washed on the counter. He looked at your slippers, asking himself when he decided that to buy you a pair of slippers was normal? And when did he let you buy those curtains for him?

The next days were like hell.

He needed some time alone to think.

Yoongi and you almost never fought. You couldn’t call them fights, it was always a misunderstanding or something silly. 

You remembered one time when Yoongi was upset with you because you forgot a date he had planned. It was okay, you thought it was a different day and you said sorry. 

Two months ago he ruined all your notes when he spilled coffee all over them while he was trying to mess around with you. You got upset but it was okay, it was an accident and he helped to save some of the pages afterwards.

You almost never fought, why would you? Maybe Yoongi barely texting in the past four days could be a reason, but not really, he was working on this big project with Namjoon and Hoseok, you couldn’t blame him. 

You texted him about it, just in case. 

[You]: Is everything alright? Just checking. 

[Yoongo]: Yeah, just tired from work

[You]: Okay, take care of yourself.

[Yoongo]: I will. 

On Friday you decided to go to his apartment before he arrived from work. Using the spare key he gave you, you opened the door and took off your shoes before realizing the mess that his place was. Was he this busy?

Holly came running to greet you, he looked at you like he knew something that you didn’t.

“What happened here, Holly?” You asked, squatting down to greet him too. 

There were a bunch of clothes in the chairs, shoes all over the place, two empty boxes of pizza on the table and those were the things you could notice at first glance. You figured you could help him, do a nice thing if he was stressed with work, he would have done the same thing for you. 

You dropped your bag on the couch and started picking up some of the clothes, throwing them in the laundry basket or folding them to put them in his room. Holly followed you around as you put Yoongi’s shoes in their place and made the bed. You saw a few beer cans next to his music equipment, you grabbed them and threw them in the trash. It was hard to remember a time when Yoongi was so caught up with his work that his place ended up looking like this, you felt bad for not checking up on him sooner.

After an hour you sat on the couch, satisfied when the place didn’t look like a mess anymore. Yoongi didn’t have candles in his house but you wished you could light one after cleaning the place, so you made a mental note to buy him one. He would laugh at it at first because he’s not the type to light candles, but with time you would introduce him to the world of candles and he would like them, you would laugh at him then. 

Holly laid his head on your lap and both of you waited for Yoongi to arrive. 

You heard him opening the door a few hours later. When he entered you saw a very pale and very tired Yoongi. When he saw you he jumped a little, surprised to see you there. 

“You scared me,” He murmured as he took off his shoes. 

“Sorry, I thought it was okay if I… dropped by.” Your voice sounded hesitant, for some reason he didn’t look like everyday Yoongi. But he did not look tired, he looked exhausted. “Have you eaten?” 

“Uhm… No…” He said as he looked around the living room, pressing his lips in a straight line, he stared at you like the mess was supposed to be there. “There’s some left overs in the fridge if you want. I’m gonna go ahead and try to sleep.” 

You frowned and got up to follow him “Wait, have you been eating lately? You look very pale, Yoongi.”

“Yes, it’s okay. You don’t have to worry.” 

“It didn’t look okay when I got here.” He opened his wardrobe and stared at it for a second. 

“You didn’t have to do this.” He mentioned in a low tone. 

“It was no problem, you said you were tired and I wanted to help.”

“Yeah but…” He said grabbing one of his tshirts “I didn’t ask you to.”

His words took you by surprise, you noticed he tried to sugarcoat them with a scoff but it didn’t work, it made it worse. 

He disappeared in the bathroom without giving you  a chance to respond to him. After a few seconds you heard the sound of the shower and then, nothing, just your thoughts.

What happened for him to be in such a bad mood? He always said thank you, no matter what. 

You wait on his bed, thinking of what to say next. 

When he came back he said nothing, you knew he was not going to. 

“Is something wrong?” You asked and Yoongi looked at you then, bare feet wearing a blue blouse he had never seen before, wearing your hair up in a ponytail like you never did, looking like a foreigner on his bed when you were supposed to feel like home. 

“No.” He answered. 

“Then, what was that?”

“I just… I didn’t ask you to come here and take care of me. I don’t need it, that’s all.” He murmured, avoiding your gaze. 

“I didn’t come here to take care of you, I just wanted to do something nice. Are you upset about something?” 

“I already told you no.” 

You take a second to think, you surely didn’t think Yoongi would be bothered by this. He was not the type of person who would be annoyed if someone touched his things, he didn’t care if someone looked into his wardrobe, certainly not you, who stole his clothes all the time. Have you done something that may upset him lately? You tried to think, but he seemed okay when he dropped you home the last time. 

“You don’t sound like nothing is wrong…” You insisted.

Maybe a rational person would get up and leave, thinking that maybe he needed some time alone, but you weren’t quite the rational person, you were stubborn and you were worried about him. 

But he just sighed as if he was already tired of the conversation, already tired of you. 

“You know, I don’t want you to… confuse things.”

A pause. 

“What do you mean you don’t want me to confuse things?” You toned changed and he noticed, but he couldn’t turn back now. 

“You know what I mean.”

An uncomfortable silence settled in the room. You stared at him but he didn't stare at you, you tried to look for his gaze but you couldn’t, he ran away from you.

“I don’t know, actually.” You murmured. 

“You don’t have to feel responsible for this.” He tried to explain “You don’t have to feel like you need to do these things, we are not, I’m… You’re not my girlfriend.” 

You felt your stomach drop, his words echoed in the room and then, a moment. Reality hit your face because he was right, he was not lying, you weren’t his girlfriend, but why did it hurt when he said it like that?

The rational person would choose to leave, but you chose to be angry and stay. 

“So you think that because I folded some of your clothes I’m acting like your girlfriend?” You spat. 

“In general, yeah.” He just said. 

“Are you kidding me?”

“Okay, I’m sorry.” He retracted himself  “I shouldn’t have said that, but I mean it when I say that I don’t want you to confuse things anymore.”

Yoongi tried to act calm, but everytime he spoke it made you feel angrier. 

“No, you shouldn’t have said that. You shouldn’t tell me not to act like your girlfriend because what have you been doing these past months, Yoongi?”

It was weird to see you angry. Yoongi had seen you sad, upset, happy, disappointed but never angry. When you were sad he wiped your tears and told you everything was okay, when you were upset he tried to make you laugh and forget about it, but he didn’t know what to do when you were angry, especially if you were angry at him. 

“Well, maybe I should have been more careful and put limits to this, you’re right. That’s why I don’t want to talk about these past months, I…” You take a big step until you are facing him, his words get caught up in his throat. Maybe he knew you were right about more than one thing, but he didn’t want to admit it.

“Too bad.” You said “Because I do want to talk about these past months, like what the fuck was that whole thing at Nayeon’s birthday party and what the fuck is this?”

He raised his head and looked at you after a long time, he looked at you like you should have known, you should have been smarter. 

You weren’t smart enough. 

You sighed deeply, staring at his face you realized there’s no right answer for your questions, just a bunch of messed up, senseless reasons. It was a test and you failed. You felt it, it’s time to go home. 

You took a step forward and tried to reach his bedroom door but he stopped you, grabbing your wrist and putting you back in the place that you were. 

Let me go already, you thought.

“You know I can’t make any promises.” He said. For a moment you thought you saw a glimpse of the Yoongi you knew, but it disappeared in a second.

Yoongi always talked like that, for a while it flattered you but now it just made you want to vomit. 

“You know how much I like that movie.” He would say. “You know I don’t like my coffee too sweet.” or, “You know I can’t keep my hands off you.” 

You know, you know, you know. But sometimes you didn’t, even when you should have. 

“But you did.” You answered “Countless of times you did, and now you want to act like you didn’t, like I invented everything in my head because I confuse things.” 

You felt your eyes fill with tears. You tried hard not to cry but it was difficult to keep talking.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” 

You wanted to scream. 

“No, Yoongi.” You stopped him “That’s exactly what you meant. I was patient, I waited after you made me meet your friends, I waited after you made me meet your brother and I waited after Nayeon’s birthday but now I realize that I looked like a fool the whole time.”

“I never asked you to!” He exclaimed, you close your eyes as if that would make him disappear. “I never wanted you to wait for me, I told you I’m not built for this and you did whatever you wanted.”

A silent sob escaped from your lips but he didn’t stop because of it, he didn’t lean forward and tried to wipe the tears falling down your face. He stood there and waited for you to say something. 

You took a step back and tried to look at him. 

“Stop talking to me like that.” You said “You’re an adult, we both are. You should talk like one.” 

Yoongi stares at you, paler than ever, not expecting what you were going to say next. 

“You told me your ex girlfriend broke your heart, that you couldn’t trust people like that. The next month you gave me the keys to your place. You told me she was an alcoholic and almost destroyed your relationship with your family and friends, then you introduced me to your brother and every single one of your friends. You told me you can’t make any promises but on Nayeon’s birthday you told me I was the only one you wanted. I tried to stay away from all of this but you keep looking for me and don’t misunderstand, I would never stay if you don’t want me here, but what was all of that? Why are you acting like I’m the one who confused things when you were the one who confused me?”

Your face was all wet from your tears but he couldn’t say anything, he was speechless because how could he explain that he was a coward?

“Were you lying on Nayeon’s birthday?” Your voice trembled. “Why?”

“I wasn’t.” He confessed “But it’s hard to talk about it right now, I need time.”

You looked around the room, you stared at the bed, the mirror, his clothes that were yours as well, the space he had made on his desk next to him for you to study and the plant you gave to him. You knew this was not forever and you were lying if you said you didn’t see it coming. How could you allow yourself to feel at home with him?

The human being is not so complex, and you thought that you were the least complex human being to ever exist. You were weak, you failed the test. 

“I can’t allow myself to wait for you anymore.” You whispered, feeling the tears falling  down your face. “Not after everything you said.”

You started walking down the hallway and tried to reach for your shoes, you heard his steps behind you. 

“No, don’t go yet.” Yoongi stopped you. 

“I want to go home.” 

“Don’t, please stay. We can talk about it later. It’s just… We don’t have to talk about it now.” He begged. 

“I’m leaving.”

“I can fix this. Stay, please. It’s late, you don’t have to leave.” There was a certain despair in his voice, but you didn’t understand it. You couldn’t connect this Yoongi to the one who told you all those horrible things. You were too tired to try.

You wiped your tears with the sleeve of your blouse “I don’t want to stay here anymore. I don’t want to stay with you, I don’t want to see you.”

In his eyes you could see that your words hurt him, but you didn’t care, he did it first. 

“I’ll sleep on the couch and I’ll leave you alone for the night if you want but please, stay. Stay and we’ll think about it and talk about it later.” 

He’s not willing to let you go, not tonight at least. You wipe your tears once again and think about it for a second. Then, you said,

“You know something? In my mind you needed to say just one thing for me to stay, and just one thing for me to leave. But not this, never this.” 

You start walking towards his room again, feeling like the dumbest person on earth, coming back to the place where he destroyed you just a few seconds ago. When you reached the door you closed it behind you. 

Yes, you stayed the night, but when the morning came you left before he knew it. 

taglist: @scqrl3tte @kimseokjinbangtan @bluesharksandfish @minmin2022 @minvlush @bids97 @cowboylikevicky @sugainmybowl @jiimtaee @jjkmspace @localmoonchild @itsfinallymyyearhenderson @tarahardcore @kookstempo @yoongimentita7 @jwlmnbt @almosttoopizza @geauxlsu79 @floriiansgrave @artgukk

I think he knows | myg

Summary: You knew that Yoongi liked the angel costume you were wearing for the birthday party, but he seemed to be too.. into you that night? You could help but asking yourself, was Yoongi jealous?

This is part two of so it goes: series masterlist

<part one part three>

—pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of? they're in love) to lovers, lots of fluff!!, smut.

—warnings/tags: grinding, unprotected sex, hickeys, riding, dom!yoongi (i guess), emotional constipation, jealousy, oc gets kind of sad 😫. etc etc etc

—words: 11.2k (whattttttt??)

a/note: hiii!! i finally get to post part two of so it goes, I'm so happy to share it but scared at the same time. I struggled a lot writing this so bare with me I wanted to show yoongi and the oc's relationship when they're not alone and to write the oc's feelings, it got this long at the end but give it a chance. I already started writing the next part so let me know what you think about this one, feedback is appreciated :) and again if you want to join the taglist, send me a message or comment this post.

The lights were off, the only thing that lit up the room  were the party lights that Nayeon bought to celebrate her birthday party. You were sitting on the couch around your friends when you looked at Yoongi, dressed like Tony Montana, leaned against the wall with crossed arms. He was wearing a whole white suit with a red shirt underneath, you found yourself wanting to take off his jacket, maybe his shirt and pants too, but he looked so good you might as well make him keep them on. 

You know him too well, he shot you a look that could only mean one thing. 

‘Come. Here.’ His eyes said, but you shook your head just to annoy him.

‘Come get me.’

It's his turn to shake his head in disapproval. You would be lying if you said that you weren’t thinking the same thing as him, you got maybe too intoxicated in his cologne when he arrived at your apartment and he whispered in your ear that he didn’t know if he could control himself if you were wearing that white mini skirt. Yes, you knew that Yoongi liked the angel costume and white corset you chose, you knew he got a little turned on when he saw you wearing fake angel wings and lip gloss, but he seemed to be… maybe too into you that night? He couldn’t stop looking at you from across the room, and when he was next to you he kept his hand on your waist, bringing you closer and closer to him. You saw him walking towards you, he offered his hand and you took it. You both laughed like you shared a secret and  guided you to your room as if you didn’t know the way. Then, the question you tried to avoid all night popped in your head once again, was Yoongi jealous?

It all started when he was sitting on his studio chair, his phone rang three times receiving a chain of cryptic messages sent by you.

[Baby]: Friday night, you and me.

[Baby]: My place.

[Baby]: Bring a costume.

[Yoongo]: roleplay?

[Baby]: ????

[Baby]: No??? 

[Baby]: Nayeon's birthday party, she invited you. I forgot to tell you, you have to bring a costume. 

[Yoongo]: i don't have a costume

[Baby]: Then get one, big boy.

[Yoongo]: it's not even halloween ? 

He waited for your answer but you didn’t reply. He stared at the “Seen at 4:12 pm” on his phone screen, leaving him talking alone.

Two days passed since you sent those messages when he opened the door of his apartment on a wednesday and you were already there, on his couch watching A Cinderella Story.

“Maybe giving you the key was a bad idea.” Yoongi said, taking his shoes off. Except for that night last month, he thought, when you waited for him on his bed wearing lingerie, but that was a whole different discussion.

Yoongi walked towards you and you made space for him on the couch.

"Did you think about your costume?" You asked, ignoring him, going straight to the point. 

"Can I go without one?" 

"Nayeon is gonna be pissed at you if you go without one. You would be the only one." 

Your flatmate and Yoongi got along pretty well, Nayeon liked him as long as he treated you right and Yoongi had learnt to like her, he couldn't understand how you, two completely different people, were best friends. She was too energetic, almost chaotic, and talked all the time, when you were more quiet and timid. In the last seven months Yoongi got used to spending time with Nayeon when he was at your apartment, and he was fine with it, until that led to him to wear a costume for her birthday party. 

"Who's going, anyway?" He asked. 

"A bunch of people. Jungkook, Eric, Yongsung, Kevin..." You started to list all of your friend’s names, but Yoongi stopped listening when he heard that name. Suddenly, the idea of going to the party didn’t sound so bad.

"What are you wearing?" Getting closer to you, he put his arm around your shoulder, pressing your body against his.

"I was thinking about an angel costume." You answered, playing with the straps of his black hoodie. 

"Mmm... like a Victoria's Secret angel?" He asked, kissing you softly for the first time that night. 

"No, but if you wear a costume I can be one for you by the end of the night." 

Then, Yoongi started to think of a costume.

Now you were there, just a few seconds away from disappearing in your room with him, but the question still hung in the air. 

Earlier that night, he arrived and gave Nayeon the present you bought together. It was just a simple silver ring with a beautiful stone on top of it, but you knew your friend would love it when you picked it. Then, people started to arrive and your apartment started to get full. How many people did Nayeon invite? How were all those people going to fit in your tiny place? She didn’t care, she was already dancing in the living room under the green and purple lights, it wasn’t her fault that everywhere she went, she made a new friend. 

Nayeon was your best friend and you loved her, you agreed with her when she proposed to wear matching outfits —she was wearing a red dress and red horns, dressed as a devil—, you helped her with the snacks and to decorate the place. It wasn’t a big deal, you loved doing things for her, especially on her birthday. When she started to move her hips towards you as Super Bass by Nicki Minaj started playing, you tried to draw the line and say no to her. You failed. 

“There’s no right way to dance to this, please.” You whined in embarrassment as you tried to follow her steps, she grabbed your hands and brought you closer to her, guiding you to a ridiculous dance. You knew your face was red, but Nayeon’s happy face was enough for you  to ignore it. 

“I know you loved this song!” She said.

“I love a bunch of songs,” you said over the music. “I don’t dance to all of them,”

That didn’t stop her to force you to keep dancing, her dance moves were ridiculous, but you looked more stupid trying to follow her.  

The song was about to end when you felt two strong arms wrap around your waist, suddenly you were being dragged away from your friend, who looked behind you, faking an upset grin.

“Sorry,” Yoongi’s deep voice resonated behind you. “you already got your share of her. It’s my turn now.”

“But it’s my birthday!” She complained.

“Not in South America.” He replied, making Nayeon roll her eyes. Classic Yoongi. 

He spinned you until you were facing him, grabbing your hips and pulling you closer to him. When a slow r&b song started, you remembered one thing about Nayeon: she didn’t know how to make a playlist, let alone a party playlist. It was either have her phone connected to the speakers Jungkook lent her, or pay an expensive dj (that was her excuse). But the song was fine, it worked.

“Is Min Yoongi taking me to dance?” You wrapped your arms around his neck and he placed his hands on your lower back, making you feel butterflies when he slowly started dancing with you “Are you trying to seduce me?” 

You saw his gaze traveling from your eyes to your lips and back to your eyes again, he lowered himself, you parted your lips just waiting for him, but he pulled back. 

“I don’t need to do that, I already did it” 

He swung from side to side to the rhythm of the music, grabbing your hips so you could move alongside him. Neither you or him were the type to dance at parties, both were too aware of people around you, but maybe if you pretended that it was just you and him, it wasn't so bad. 

Yoongi was taller than you and most of the time, when you were that close to him, you had to lift your head to look him in the eye. If you didn’t, the only thing you could see was his chest. And in that moment it was hard not to think of it  when it was right in front of you. 

You tried not to laugh at the thought, if you told Yoongi all the tiny things about him that turned you on he would laugh too, he would tease you about it every time he had the chance. You liked to think that you keep those things as a secret, from his exposed chest to way he pressed his fingertips on your hips, the kind of things that weren’t necessarily sexual but made your stomach flip. You liked when he stroked your hair a certain way and how deep his voice got in the morning, when he was driving or when he lay down on the bed and put his hands under his head, flexing his arms.

You snapped out of your thoughts when you felt his hands on your face, making you look at him. You could notice that it was hard for Yoongi to make eye contact, and you liked looking at him until he ran away from your gaze. Sometimes you think that Yoongi doesn’t like eye contact because maybe if you looked into his dark eyes for long enough, you would discover a secret. In that moment, you thought that you were about to do it. 

“You look hot.” You confessed to him, but he scoffed at the compliment. 

“Do you think?” 

“Yeah, I thought you weren’t going to make an effort. Like Jungkook.”

You looked at your best friend as leaning on the wall, dressed in blue boxing shorts and a black tshirt, his blue boxing gloves hanging around his neck. That wasn’t a costume, that was just Jungkook on a tuesday. 

“What’s up with him, by the way?” He asked, whispering in your ear in case your best friend might hear him. “I saw him glued to his phone since I arrived.”

“Oh you know…” you sighed “ladies problems, I think.” 

“Is he fighting?” 

Yoongi was one nosy bitch. 

“Not at all, I think he wanted to invite her or something, but he didn’t.” You ran your fingertips on the hair of his neck, watching how a little smile appeared on his face as he observed Jungkook typing on his phone. “Don’t you dare…” You warned him, making him pay attention to you again. 

“What?” He asked, playing dumb.

“Don’t tell him that I told you.” You clarified. Sometimes it seemed like Yoongi’s only purpose in life was to tease poor Jungkook. 

“Why do you always think bad about me?” He whined, his lips forming a pout. 

“I don’t! But I know you want to. You’re gonna get me in trouble.” Standing in your tiptoes, you kissed away that ridiculous pout on his mouth. 

When the room started getting too hot, you took Yoongi to the little balcony your place had. It was small but it had a view of the campus and the dark sky. Then again, for the second time that night you felt Yoongi’s arms hugging your back.That was maybe one of the first clues you got that night, it was rare for him to do things like that in public. Usually, you were the one who showered him in kisses or hugged him in places that weren’t his bedroom. A tiny you was dancing of happiness in your stomach, wanting to turn around and steal a kiss from his lips. But the other tiny you, the rational one, was telling you not to get used to that kind of stuff, they never lasted for you. 

You tried to shut her up, turning around to see Yoongi’s smirk plastered on his face. 

“You are going to ruin my wings if you keep doing that.” You warned him. 

“Okay… I prefer you like this anyway.” He leaned forward  to leave a short kiss on your collarbone. It was a cold night and you weren’t wearing much clothing, but that wasn’t what sent a chill to your spine. “And I like your wings.” 

“They look good, don’t they? The lady in the store thought they were for a kid! I didn’t tell her they were for me.” 

“If I have to guess, she supposed that because only kids dress up?” He tried to annoy you, still opposed to the whole costume party thing. 

“Don’t you know what fun is, Sir?” You teased him, tilting your head. 

“I know what fun is. I am a fun guy.” He defended himself. 

“Debatable. But you showed up today and I must say this, no because of the nature of the relationship we share, but because I mean it, you must have the best costume tonight.” 

“Wait, what’s the nature of our relationship?” A cocky smirk tugged from the corners of his lips, pulling you closer, if that was possible. 

“Shut up, that’s why I can never compliment you.”

“Tell me baby, will the nature of our relationship get me a pass for going to sleep instead of cleaning tonight?” He asked. 

“Don’t even think about it” You said, shaking your head. “You get no privileges, you and Jungkook are helping me. God knows how drunk Nayeon will get.” 

Yoongi laughed and didn’t argue with you anymore, but his question stayed in your head for a few seconds, and the word ‘relationship’ almost vanished into thin air, creating a cloud above your head, you blamed yourself for using it.

Sometimes you thought you were so awkward, you didn’t know how Yoongi was never capable of seeing it. You said things and then immediately regretted it, wondering if he thought you were getting too attached to him. 

You hardly ever lied to yourself, you could never escape the giant monster of your thoughts and you always had to deal with the truth. It was difficult to accept it, but carrying with the feelings you had for the man in front of you was worse. 

Seven months after meeting Yoongi you found yourself in this place, with his arms wrapped around your waist at the birthday party of one of your best friends. Almost all your friends knew him, all of them liked him, and you were happy to say that all of his friends thought the same about you.

For a second, you asked yourself how was the image that he had of you, did he really think you were built for that? You saw yourself as a person who could never go against her own feelings, you knew that if you feel something it’s better not to suppress it. Since the day Yoongi kissed you in his car you knew that if you developed feelings for him, you were screwed.

And screwed you were. 

The human being is not so complex, and you thought that you were the least complex human being to ever exist. You saw yourself as weak and if someone was staring at you the way Yoongi was doing right now, you would fall. 

You tried not to melt at his fond dark eyes, he was way too close to your face, making you nervous. Why was he making you nervous? Was it his gaze or the way his hands were tied together on your lower back? Or was it the way you were caged between him and the urging feeling to spit certain three words on his face? 

Lately you felt like you and Yoongi stared at each other from across the room like you share a secret together, and it was a matter of time until one of you screamed it. The thing was, you believed your secret was not the same as his. 

“What?” You asked when the silence and his gaze upon you were too much to bear. 

“I have something for you.” He confessed.You watched his eyes fly to another place that was not your face, escaping from it. 

“Like what?” His eyes come back to you to stare at your rosy cheeks and glossy lips curved into a tiny smirk, almost inviting him to bite them. Instead, he bit his own, holding himself back. 

“Like a present.” Yoongi answered like it’s nothing but you knew he expected you to be surprised. You lift your eyebrows, satisfying him. “What is that face? Is it impossible to believe I wanted to give my girl a present?” 

Then, your stomach turned upside down, you were sure your cheeks were burning red and the tiny you (the one who didn’t give a fuck) screamed so loud that you were afraid he might have heard her. 

“No, I just thought you were going to say something inappropriate.” You tried to play cool. You failed, making Yoongi throw his head back and laugh at you, shaking his shoulders.

“What did you say?” He teased you “Inappropriate? Do you think I say inappropriate things?” He made emphasis on the word every time it rolled out of his tongue. 

“Oh my god, shut up!”

“I don’t think you thought I say inappropriate things the other night when you told me… mmm, what was what you told me?” 

Your eyes popped open when you realized what he was trying to say, putting a hand on his mouth before he could answer his own question. “Stop it…”

“I don’t want to.” He whispered, almost daring you to make him say whatever he was going to say next. You were wrong, Yoongi’s only purpose in life was not just  to tease Jungkook, but you as well. 

“You’re mean. I want to know what it is.” 

“Just for that you have to wait.” He said and you rolled your eyes. “But I like when you use funny words.” 

Breaking news: Yoongi was soft. Was this a secret? Not to you at least, but you could tell.  Not only because he bought you a present, not only because he grabbed your face and left little pecks on your lips until he thought they were enough.

You didn’t make Yoongi vulnerable, you just showed him that it was okay to be vulnerable with you. 

Between giggles and short kisses, you felt like you were alone again, until Jungkook entered the balcony with a bottle of beer in one hand. He stared at both of you, not really looking guilty for interrupting the moment. 

“You guys should get a room.” He joked as he leaned on the railings of the balcony. “No funny business in public, that’s what I say.” 

“What’s up, kid?” Yoongi asked him, not taking his hands off you. “Are you jealous because your girlfriend couldn’t come?” 

Your eyes snapped at Yoongi the second the question slipped out of his mouth. You hit his shoulder, regretting ever telling him about Jungkook’s not-girlfriend. Jungkook’s eyes moved like ping pong balls, they went from you to Yoongi and back to you again. 

“What? Did you tell him?” Your poor friend looked at you like you betrayed him. You felt guilty for a second, but to be honest, he was a little bit… dramatic, and Yoongi laughing in the back knew it. 

“It was an accident! You never told me not to tell anybody.”

“But you should have known!” He argued. 

“How could I!?” 

“You just… should have?” Jungkook’s expression changed to a calm one, realizing you are right, he never told you to keep the secret, but he can’t help to be a little upset at Yoongi for reminding him that his not-girlfriend was at her house instead of being there with him. 

“You are like two old ladies.” He said drinking from the bottle “Always gossiping.”

You and Yoongi gasped, looking at each other like Jungkook insulted the both of you.

“We weren’t gossiping!” You tried to defend the man beside you and yourself “I mentioned it to him and he didn’t know.”

You were totally gossiping. 

“Anyway…” Jungkook said, sighing in defeat  “I didn’t know if she wanted to come.”

Yoongi and you share glanzes, knowing it was really easy to make Jungkook talk, it was really easy to make him forget that you told Yoongi at least. 

He couldn’t be mad at that though, in the back of his mind he knew that telling you something automatically meant that he was telling Yoongi too. 

“Why do you think that?” Yoongi asked,

“I don’t know, what if she is not interested in meeting my friends?”

“Oh my god, Jungkook. She’s probably right now at home wondering why you didn't introduce her to your friends already.” You said like it was obvious. Been there, done that. But it didn’t seem obvious to him, Jungkook snapped his eyes at you like he just remembered you were a girl too. In that moment, his mind made a strange connection; if you were a girl, you must know every girl’s secret. 

He took a step forward, now interested in the conversation. 

“How do you know that?”

It was difficult to make a guy understand that kind of stuff, so you took a second to think about it. 

“Think it this way, okay?” You started, now you had two pairs of eyes paying attention to you. Yoongi listened to you like you’re about to reveal a code from the secret book of girls. “Imagine it’s friday, you don’t have any plans except for playing games until you pass out. You text your girl, ask her what is she doing tonight and she tells you she’s going to a party. She tells you everything about it but doesn’t ask you to go with her, you stay at home playing fortnite with… Seokjin? How would you feel?”

“Terrible.” The answer that came out of Jungkook’s mouth was automatic, his eyes were filled with horror. Again, Jungkook was dramatic after all. 

“Well, I don’t know her to say that she would feel terrible, but I would be kinda bothered.”

“Would you?” Yoongi asked. You looked at him, trying to imagine a scenario where that situation happened to you. You think of the Yoongi of the past, and the way all the pretty girls throw themselves at him at parties. But you also think of the Yoongi in the present, the one whose arms are wrapped around your waist. Mmmm… You would be bothered anyway.

“I mean… Yes, I think so” You answered. He just nodded, looking like he just did a mental note. “Next time, invite her.” You said now to Jungkook. 

He answered a short “I will” and started typing on his phone again, his presence becoming unnoticeable. Yoongi’s lips were curled in a tiny smirk when you body returned to his arms. 

“Are you sure you’re not majoring in psychology or something?”

“Are you implying that next to him I look like a psychology major? That’s kinda rude, bubba.” You said, making him laugh. “But no, men are too dumb to notice what’s in front of them sometimes, especially Jungkook when it comes to girls.” 

You remembered the first time Yoongi introduced you to his friends, you had already met Hoseok and Namjoon, met Seokjin at an event that Jungkook invited you to, but you never met his other friends, the ones who weren’t  from work or famous. 

One night he invited you to meet two of them, Minho and Jinyoung. You thought about the way he introduced you, just saying your name, not “this is my friend” or “this is my girlfriend”, just your name. You never expected him to give you a title, at that time it was okay, and his friends never asked about it. They were friendly and they seemed to like you. Yoongi cooked for the four of you and throughout the night they kept sharing stories about their teen years, asking you about your years in high school too. Yoongi couldn’t erase the smile off his face, he was happy and so were you. By the time they left his apartment he was a bit drunk, so you took him to bed and said goodbye to Minho and Jinyoung. When you were on the bed about to fall asleep he slurred a sweet ‘thank you’ and told you that he could tell that his friends loved you. 

“Do you think so?” You had asked him.

“Yes.” He confirmed “You’re easy to love.” 

Yoongi fell asleep right away, but you stayed awake for another half an hour after that. The warm memory of that night came back like a sweet kiss on the cheek, feeling like you were on top of the world. 

Yoongi stayed on the balcony talking with Jungkook, you see him through the glass as you sit on the couch next to your friends.  It was endearing to watch them together, when Yoongi took Jungkook under his label he promised all the good things to him, and in a couple months he managed to keep those promises. You appreciated that, before Yoongi, Jungkook tried so hard to make his dream of being a singer come true, but he always found complications along the way, making him come back to square one over and over again. When he told you that Yoongi had signed him, you were as happy as him. You believed that Yoongi saw Jungkook the same way that you did, both of you believed in him. 

You were talking with your friend from class, Yongsung, when your gaze got blocked by someone who sat in between you two. 

“What do you think?” Kevin asked, making you judge his costume “Do I pass?” He was wearing just a white shirt and black pants, in his collar was tied a short cape and on the corner of his lips there was fake blood, he was a vampire. You and Yongsung analized his outfit, it was simple but it worked. 

“Basic.” Yongsung answered, “But you pass.”

“Basic?” Kevin repeated like he was offended. “I’m doing my best here.”

“If that’s your best, I don’t want to see your worst.”

“I think you look great.” You said so you could stop them from fighting “At least you dressed up, I’ve seen some guys who didn’t. Nayeon said that if she saw someone without a costume she would kick them out.”

“Did she?” Yongsung asked.

“She didn’t, but she wanted to.”

You spent a few minutes talking with them, judging people’s outfits like yours weren’t the cheapest thing you could find in the store, but it was fun and you didn’t know most of them, you wondered if Nayeon did. 

You were closer to Yongsung, you had known her for a few years and you shared almost all your classes with her. With Kevin too, but he was barely a new friend. You had a suspicion that he didn’t see you like that, but a potential-something-else.

You met Kevin a few months ago, at a time when you felt like you had no control over your mind and heart. It was after you failed an important exam and he offered to help you for the next one. You appreciated it, but the only thing that made the sadness go away that week was a hug from the man in the red shirt outside. 

You remember that week, it was the beginning of winter when he gave you his number and a warm smile, promising you that no one died because of a failed exam, it was hard to believe him. Your mind was tired after studying all those weeks, your heart was tired too, but for another reason: you were in love with a man who didn’t want to be in love, how bad was that?

Transitioning those days with only questions filling your mind after admitting the truth to the mirror, wondering what you were supposed to do, tell him? leave him? stay quiet and pretend everything was okay? The last option was the one you thought was the most effective, but it was not. Everytime you looked at Yoongi you felt like you were at home, how could you run away from him? How could you stay? 

Yes, Kevin was nice, funny, charming and handsome, but the tiny you inside your mind couldn’t help but scream: He is not Yoongi!

You had already declined the subtle invitations of Kevin to hangout, you liked him but as a friend, were you clear enough? It was like you had the spot saved for another person but you weren’t sure if that person wanted that spot, it felt stupid. 

The consequences of your choice of pretending everything was okay were slowly taking over, but you didn’t realize until Kevin started to flirt with you right under the gaze of Yoongi, who stared at you from the balcony: he put his arm on the side of the couch, almost rounding your shoulders, a friendly gesture, but you knew better “You look great, too.” he said in a low voice, like no one was supposed to hear that, except you.

But let’s get things straight: Kevin didn’t know about Yoongi, unlike everyone else, your other friends knew he was your not-boyfriend and that things were… complicated? He was not your boyfriend but you were exclusive? If you were to explain that to Kevin he would laugh, he didn’t need to know, you wanted to keep things private, not everyone needed to know about your sex life, especially not the guy who joined the group two months ago. 

It was simple for him, you didn’t have a boyfriend? You were single, how could that be complicated?

“Thank you, I improvised. If it were my choice, I would have chosen another outfit, but Nayeon insisted. You know how she is, she likes to be in control all the time. Her rising sign is virgo.” You started to rant, feeling like he was getting too close to you. It was a habit of yours that you could never get rid of, if you were nervous, you started to talk to fill all the silent gaps. 

“Yeah? What’s your rising sign?” He asked curious, Kevin didn’t know shit about astrology. 

You never really had a serious relationship until your last (and first) ex, but growing up you had a large group of female friends who shared with you every single thing about their relationships with their boyfriends. If there was a secret book of girls, it would have been written by you. Somehow, you had learnt how to read men, they were basic and all of them reacted the same way to the same things, they said the same things, did the same things, and flirted the same way. It was the first time you perceived Kevin as part of those men, when he got closer and started getting bolder. Was this the same Kevin from class? Or this was the beer taking place instead of him? 

“Uh… Cancer…” You said trying to pay attention to anything except his eyes. 

Rule number one: Men have this misconception when they’re flirting, they think that if you stare at them long enough, it means you want to kiss them. If you don’t, avoid their eyes!

“What does it mean?” He kept asking. 

“I don’t really know, I’m sensitive I think, that’s what Nayeon says, she knows a lot about that stuff. By the way, did you give her a present?” 

A tip that can be useful: try to make them remember that you are friends. 

“Uh… No… Do you think that I should have…?” Accidentally, you crossed eyes with him again, he was giving you one of the most radiant smiles you’ve ever seen. Kevin was really beautiful, you know he has like a thousand girls waiting for him to take them out, but you weren’t one of them. Sometimes you wonder if your heart would have felt something for him if it wasn’t so in love with another man. 

“Maybe you should have, Nayeon loves presents.”

“What did you give her?” 

You looked at him hoping that he didn’t notice how your mind flew directly to the day you picked Nayeon’s present with Yoongi, you had the idea and he knew a place. The image of Yoongi standing outside the apartment with the present on his hands earlier that night flashed your thoughts. You smiled, and Kevin wanted to believe you were smiling because of him. You weren’t. 

“A ring, she’s into that.” 

He nodded, looking at the tiny space in the couch that separated you from him, you were a few centimeters close to make him think that you liked him a bit more than you did.

“That’s nice…” He said, hesitant. You played with your fingers, already choosing the blurt of words you were going to say before he said something you didn’t want to hear. But he was too quick “So, I know you have a few days free, huh?”

Yes, you had a few days free, but they were occupied by Yoongi’s birthday. 

The question faded in the air as you connected your eyes with his dark gaze outside. His eyes went from you to the masculine arm resting on your side of the couch. It was nothing, yet, Yoongi could notice. 

A light bulb went on in your head when you remembered rule number two: sometimes men will stop insisting when they know you have a boyfriend. Was it sexist? Yes, it was. Was Yoongi your boyfriend? No, he wasn’t. But it could work.

“Have you met Yoongi?” You answered with another question, trying not to feel bad for ignoring him. You invited him inside with a simple hand gesture, Yoongi didn’t hesitate to start  walking towards the window, he opened and entered inside, Then, you looked at poor Kevin again, who was waiting for an answer.

“Yoongi?” Kevin repeated with eyebrows furrowed, but his eyes shifted to the man next to you when he noticed his presence. 

“That would be me.” He said sitting next to you and grabbing your waist to pull you closer to him, leaving his hand in that place for so long that you felt like it was burning through your clothes.

That was another clue. 

You could describe Yoongi listing the things that he was and the things that he was not: Yoongi was  talented, funny, a little bit grumpy, passionate and kind. Yoongi was not selfish, not picky, not ungrateful, not jealous. That’s what you would answer if someone were to ask you a few days before that night, but now you were a little unsure about that last one. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Kevin.” He introduced himself, as his arm dropped from the side of the couch you felt like something in the room shifted. 

“Oh, yeah. I think she mentioned you once.”  

Yoongi was polite too, but today was the exception. No hello, no nice to meet you, just a “she mentioned you once”, talking like you had to read between lines. Lucky for you, you were an expert in all Yoongi things. 

Translator of Yoongi: “she mentioned you once” meaning “She said your name once, but you aren’t important enough to be mentioned twice.”

What you didn’t expect though, was what Kevin was about to say next. 

“I see, she never mentioned you” The words came out of his mouth almost hesitantly, like he tried not to sound so bitter but he did anyway. The worst part was that he was right, you never mentioned Yoongi to Kevin. 

You expected that he would finish the sentence with something else but he didn’t, that was it. Silence for the longest five seconds of your life. But Yoongi was smart, scoffing at him like he just told a silly joke, the grip he had on your waist became firmer. You feel like you just became smaller between the two men, but most importantly you wonder, what the fuck was that?  

The moment passed when Eric and Youngsung saw Yoongi and turned to talk to him. Did you already mention that they loved him? Because they do. 

“What’s up Yoongi? Did the queen already judge your outfit?” Yongsung asked him. He looked at you smirking and then back at her. 

“Yeah, and I think I won the contest, she told me it was hot.” He said, making your friends laugh, or at least Youngsung and Eric. 

“She only said that because she wants to get in your pants,” Eric said “don’t trust women like her. The moment she gets bored of you she will say that your outfit looked like trash.”

He was talking about what you said about his costume, he was the Joker. You didn’t say it looked like trash, you said it looked cheap, but only because he said that yours looked like the kind of halloween costume they mention in Mean Girls, when you were going for A Cinderella Story. In other words, he said you were dressed like a slut. Who wants enemies with friends like that?

“I didn’t say it looked like trash, I said it looked cheap!” You repeated. 

“You’re a mean girl in real life, you know?” Your friend said. 

“She’s right, though.” Yoongi defended you with a devilish smile on his face, the words of Kevin were almost long forgotten, but something made you feel like they weren’t. You would have paid to know what was happening in Yoongi’s mind. 

“You just said that because you want to get in her pants, you’re just like her.” 

“It takes one to know one.” Youngsung joined him. 

You couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty, it wasn’t Kevin’s fault that you couldn't talk about your relationship with Yoongi because it was… complicated. It wasn’t Kevin’s fault that you didn’t know how to get out of situations, asking Yoongi to come and save you. You weren’t expecting Yoongi to react that way, didn’t expect Kevin to say that. Now, you were thinking how to make it up to Kevin and how to make it up to Yoongi, wondering if Yoongi even cared about what Kevin said. 

A sense of comfort was wrapped around you when you saw Jungkook joining the couch in front of you, thinking that he could save you from the situation you believed you created. You looked at him, holding your gaze and raising your eyebrows, hoping that he understood what you were trying to say. Jungkook looked at Yoongi and the way he was hugging you and then at Kevin, who seemed out of place next to you. Jungkook raised his shoulders. 

‘What is happening?’ he tried to say. 

‘I don’t know’ you communicated. ‘Save me’ 

But he can’t help you, and even if he could, he wouldn’t. He crossed his arms over his chest, marking a distance between the two of you. On this side, you were between two men, the one you loved and the one you tried to push away, on the other side there was him, laughing at your situation. That’s what you got for judging his outfit and saying he didn’t make an effort. Jungkook failed to be your best friend tonight, but you deserved it a little after laughing at everyone’s costumes. 

Looking to your right you stared at Yoongi thinking of that knowledge in men you thought you had, looking at him in the eyes you realized that Yoongi was not like other men, it was harder to read when it came to those things. You knew how to tell when he was tired, when he was upset, when he was happy. You knew the look on his face when he wanted you to stay the night, you knew the smile that appeared on his face when he was about to say something snarky, but there was a barrier when it came to things like that. 

The night passed and he disappeared with Jungkook in the living room to appear again against the wall, inviting you to your room like it was his own. 

You walked through the crowded hallway, bumping into people and stepping on crunchy chips, already thinking of the mess you will have to clean after all of them leave, but all the thoughts vanished when you entered the room and he closed the door behind you. 

Yoongi pushed you against the wood devouring your lips, introducing his tongue inside your mouth without permission. He sneaked his hands under your skirt, squeezing your ass cheeks in his palms and pressing you against him, he couldn’t bear to be another second away from your body. He kissed you desperately, like he waited for that moment all night. You tried to follow his pace, grabbing his hair in your fingers and making a mess of it. 

“Listen,” you said between kisses “stop looking at my boobs, you’re too obvious.” You scolded him, but he just laughed against your lips. 

“I can’t.” He confessed, catching your bottom lip in his teeth to bring your mouth closer. “How do I take this off?” You felt his large hands looking for the bow that tied the corset together, but you stopped him, grabbing his hands to guide him to your bed

“No, you can’t.” You tried to kiss him again, but he looked at you confused, furrowing his eyebrows. “It’s hard to take it off and we have to be quick, what if they start singing happy birthday?” 

Yoongi rolled his eyes but he allowed you to take his white jacket, exposing his strong arms in that tight red shirt. You put your hands on his shoulders, making him sit on the bed. 

“So I can’t eat you out?” He asked with disappointment in his voice, you shook your head. “Let me finger you, then”

“No,” You climbed your bed when he sat against the headboard, straddling him “it’s supposed to be a quickie.”

“I don’t want a quickie”  He whined, grabbing your hips and pushing them down to his own. You huffed, looking at the little pout that formed on his mouth about to give in to him. But no, you wanted to sing happy birthday to your friend, so you forced him to play along. Your hands traveled up to his chest and kissed him with urgency, feeling like time was running out of your hands. His fingers dug into the flesh of your hips to make you roll them against his crotch, the only barrier between you two were your panties and the thick fabric of his pants. 

Yoongi had no problem with fucking any way you wanted, he was happy to do it either way, but he had his preferences. He liked to have his time and to be on his bed, yours was too small. He wanted you fully naked because he liked to be the only one who got to see you like that. He tried to hit it from the back a few times before and it was good, it was always good with you, but it wasn’t the same. He preferred having you right in front of his face, to feel your shaky breath against his mouth and hear your whimpers next to his ear, to kiss you until you were so lost in the feeling of his cock inside you that you couldn’t kiss back anymore. 

But when he didn’t have much time he enjoyed it too. The memory of a rainy night on his bed assaults his mind sometimes, one thing led to another and you confessed that you had a current fantasy of getting fucked on his studio chair. Yoongi opened his eyes so big you thought he saw a ghost, and even though it was the heat of the moment and he confessed some pretty nasty stuff too, your words pierced through his mind. Did that mean that every time you were sitting on his lap you were thinking about… that? The thought made him shiver like he was a teenage boy all over again. He remembers how nervous you looked when he confessed the things he would like to do with you, but it took just one confession from you to tear him apart. If Yoongi thought you were wrapped around his fingers he was wrong, you had him ten times worse. 

He decided to make your fantasy come true, even if it was slightly uncomfortable and during work hours, even if you weren’t fully naked and not on his bed. 

You knew he liked it either way, so why did he want to keep you in your room so bad?

At that point the question was still on your mind, but you wouldn’t dare to ask him, not yet. It only took a second for you to forget about it, when you felt his tongue running d0wn your neck you were already thinking about other things. 

“You’re too greedy” You said as you tried to keep up with the pace of his hips, it was enough to forget about Yoongi’s behavior that night but not enough to satisfy you or him. 

“You made me like this.” He murmured. His nose brushed the column of your neck and then he trailed wet kisses down again, you closed your fists on his shirt tightly when he picked up a  faster pace, a tiny moan left your lips. You felt like you were seventeen on the couch of the guy from school you had a crush on, making out all afternoon but never doing anything. It was different with Yoongi, you anticipated all of his movements and all of his kisses, wondering what he was going to do next, and he enjoyed watching you trying to get off on top of him, helping you grind yourself on him so he could fuck you right later. 

Then it came the confirmation that he was jealous, his teeth nipping the skin of neck with only one mission: to leave a mark. It was unusual for him to leave marks in visible places, he preferred your inner thighs or the top of your breasts, he didn't like scandalous things. He was simpler, he enjoyed knowing that you had marks under your skirt but he was the only one who knew about them. 

But he was a man too, and men were simpler than simple.

You almost let him do it, you were too focused on the pressure between your legs and the grip his hands had on your ass, until a groan that escaped from his mouth shook you back to reality for one second. You grabbed his round cheeks from the crook of your neck and made him look at you. 

“No funny business.”

“I’m trying to fuck you right now.” He whined again, trying to get back to his original plan, but you stopped him. 

“I mean it, we have to get back.” You warned him, looking down to unzip his pants, encountering a similar but better surprise: he was pretty hard. You smirked to yourself, quite proud to be honest, getting his pants down. 

“Stop smiling like that.” He caught you as his fingers found the strap of your panties under your skirt. 

“Why?” 

“Don’t play dumb.”

“You’re seeing ghosts.”

He squinted his eyes towards you but didn’t answer the question, instead he grabbed your hips and lifted them just enough to slide your panties down your thighs. You helped him to take them off and sat back again on his lap. He wasted no time, his boxers followed his pants and with a swift motion his hands came back to your hips to push them down, pressing your wet core against his dick, making you gasp.

“You think you’re funny, don’t you? Laughing at me like it wasn’t your fault.” You bit your lips, trying to hold back a moan. “Laughing at me like you weren’t dripping right now.”

Yoongi started to roll his hips just like before, but this time it felt ten times better, it showed in your face, and even if he always tried to keep up his dominant mask, it trembled sometimes. He preferred to have you naked on top of him, with your bare tits in front of his face like you were just for him, but there was something about fucking you in you angel costume that was about to drive him crazy, especially in that white mini skirt that wasn’t long enough to hide the way you were rocking against him.

You wanted to answer him, to spit a snarky comment or to laugh on his face, but there was no time for that, his low voice made your stomach flip, your outfit started to feel hot, the two pieces of clothing you were wearing started to suffocate you. A devilish thought  was built in your mind in just a few seconds, the tiny you begged you to ask him to flip you over and fuck you however he liked, to eat you out and miss the happy birthday if he wanted, the tiny you didn’t care. 

The rational you didn’t exist anymore, she disappeared when Yoongi’s cock started to rub your clit, kissing you softly, a contradictory gesture from the way his palms on your ass were pressing you to grind on his cock.

“Now you’re quiet? Don’t you have something to say?” 

“Yoongi... Stop!” You whined quietly, but he didn’t take you seriously, he laughed at you again. 

“You’re funny like that, trying to tell me what to do.” He groaned, positioning yourself so your entrance would align with the tip of his cock. Your whole body shivered at the feeling, now you were paying full attention to his words. “Trying to tell me how to fuck you. But guess what, baby? I’m gonna fuck you the way I want, how I want, as long as I want and you’re gonna love it, okay?” He looked at you waiting for an answer, but you just nodded, enough for him to start introducing his member inside you slowly, you bit your lips hard, digging your fingernails on his shoulders. “Now be a good girl and hold your skirt up so we can watch how you get fucked.” 

You obeyed, grabbing the hem of your skirt and holding it up against your abdomen, starting to feel the slow drag of his member filling you up. Both of your moans left your lips at the same time, your bodies were aching for each other since your friend let him in wearing that fucking costume. 

He grabbed your ass to sink you deeper until you were full of him, his eyes focused on the direction where your bodies connected and then they came back to your face, catching the perfect sight of your face, you furrowed your eyebrows as you bit your lips trying  to hold back the sound that was about to come out of your mouth. He slid his hands up your clothed body, traveling up to the white corset to squeeze your boobs. Oh, how he wished to take that stupid corset off and wrap his lips around your nipples until you were creaming his cock. He could do it, he could convince you to throw it away and waste the next hour inside of your room, but if you wanted to sing happy birthday to Nayeon so badly, he would let you. 

You waited for him to move first, you feared that if you did it you would lose control of the sounds you would make, and he noticed, not really happy with the idea of you holding back. 

“Why so shy, baby?” He whispered, starting to set a rhythm with his hips.

“There’s… people outsid-…ah…” your voice got interrupted by a high pitched moan that escaped from your lips, he smiled satisfied and then, you started to move with him, pushing your hips forward to meet with him over and over again. 

“What about it? You don’t want them to hear?” he teased “You don’t want them to know how good I’m gonna make you feel? I think they already know.” 

The idea of your friends knowing that you disappeared with Yoongi in your room was embarrassing, but the urge set a pace and fuck yourself on him was stronger. Riding him always made you feel like you hadn’t fuck in months, and the last time you did was just last wednesday, when you woke up in the middle of the night and cuouldn’t go back to sleep. 

If the headboard was making any noise as he thrusted into you, you didn’t notice. Your body responded to him like it was second nature and your hands clung to his chest in search of some stability. “S-stop t-that…” you could only whisper but it was useless trying to be quiet, your whines were already giving you away, maybe the headboard too, but you convinced yourself it wasn’t making any noise. 

“That’s what you want, baby?” He asked in a sweet tone, leaning forward to brush his lips over yours “You want me to stop?” He slowly stopped his movements, gripping your hips to keep you in place. 

You shook your head in denial “N-no, that’s not what I..!” a choked moan slipped out of your lips when he thrusted his hips forward, you felt how your walls clenched around him, begging him to keep going.

Yoongi loved having you on top, he loved watching you trying to set the perfect pace so you could fuck yourself better on his cock. He knew one thing: every time you did it, you did it better. On the other hand, you were sure that riding him was just an illusion of power, there were very few ways to dominate Yoongi (one of them being pink heart shaped handcuffs, but that’s a story for another day), riding him wasn’t one of them. He always found a way to take control of things, now it was to grip your hips and sink you deeper on his cock. 

The position made you feel every single inch of him, quickly building a strong feeling down your belly and between your legs. You were a little embarrassed by how close you already were, but he wasn’t much different, the way his adam apple moved up and down gave him away. 

“Keep going, please…” 

“Are you gonna keep telling me what to do or are you gonna let me fuck however the fuck I want, huh?” You watched the way his lips moved with hooded eyes, regretting the decision of not letting him eat you out. 

“Please, just… just fuck me, I’ll stop.” you cried as you got closer to him, pressing your palms over his chest and enveloping his lips into a desperate kiss, he didn’t oppose, he was easy like that. His hands went to squeeze your ass cheeks one more time, thrusting deeper inside you again. He helped you move up and down until you caught up with his fast pace. 

How could you have a man like that and not be in love with him? No one ever kissed you with such determination, so sure of himself yet so scared to let you go, like time was about to end every second that passed. 

You never had that level of intimacy with anyone, not even with your ex, he never kissed or fucked you like that. With Yoongi everything was passionate, he made you squirm under him during the night and made breakfast in the morning. He told you how pretty you looked when you jumped into his car and listened to the songs you recommended to him. He sneaked you into your own bedroom just because he was jealous and horny. 

“Fuck baby, you’re so tight.” God, your ex boyfriend didn’t have a mouth like Yoongi either. He wanted to sit back and enjoy the view of your tits bouncing out of your corset, but if he did he would lose it immediately, he didn't know where to look anymore. You responded with a deep moan, allowing yourself to rest on top of his chest, a clear sign that you were about to cum “Are you going to be my sweet angel and cum for me?” You nodded, his thrusts starting to get sloppy yet faster.

“I-I’m... so close.” you managed to say. 

There would be time to worry about your appearance later, but the sight of him lost on his own pleasure, with his eye barely open and messy hair made you realize that you looked as fucked up as him. But he looked so hot like that, you wouldn’t want it any other way. 

“It’s okay angel, I’m close too.” The nickname rolled in his tongue in such a natural way, in the end Yoongi was not so wrong about the roleplay thing. You found it cute, in his voice it sounded sweet. 

You were too intoxicated in the way he was pounding inside you, too on edge of your climax. The worry of being heard left the room a long time ago, replacing it with the dirty sound of your wetness, your cries of pleasure and his deep groans. 

“Don’t stop, please” you whined.

“How could I when you feel this good?” You felt his cock throbbing inside you, making you arch your back and press your chest against his “Cum for me baby, want to see your pretty face when you do.” It only took one thrust of him to make you cum around his cock, he helped you ride your high as you filled the room with choked cries and the tortured sound of his name. “Can I cum inside you?” he asked as you tried to focus your blurry gaze, nodding because you didn’t trust your voice. “Okay angel, now lift your skirt again and let me see the mess you made.” His voice came out as a shaky breath, the desperation slipping out of his tongue. You rolled your hips once again to help him to reach his climax, crying out at the feeling of his cum slipping out of you, wondering how the fuck you were going to walk out of this room acting like nothing happened, Yoongi’s low moans were enough to make you forget about it. 

You felt like every muscle of your body was on fire, your thighs were shaky and sticky but something made you smile. You rested your head in his chest, feeling his fingers brushing your hair as he sighed. The room became silent, the only sound you could hear was the music outside and your heavy breathing. You stayed like that for a while, he was too content to break the silence.

But curiosity was eating you alive, so you lifted your head and kissed him on the lips, he closed his eyes and kissed you back, having no idea what you were going to say next. 

“Bubba, are you jealous?” You finally asked him. He opened his eyes like you just said a forbidden word. 

“What?” He murmured, furrowing his eyebrows.

“Don’t look at me like that!” You laughed

“Baby, I’m still balls deep inside you, do you think this is time for a conversation?”

“Yeah, why not? I wanted to ask.” You said, playing with the chain that hung around his neck, he huffed. 

“I’m not, why would I be? Why should I be?” He started questioning, the words slipping out of his mouth like he couldn’t control them. 

“Don’t lie to me” You warned. 

“Jealous of who?” He asked, avoiding your gaze. 

“Of Kevin!”

He stayed in silence for a while, and then his eyes came back home to yours, looking at you with the funniest expression, trying so hard not to snap. For a moment you thought he was about to lie again. 

“And what if I am?” 

“I knew it!” You exclaimed before he could retract himself “But why?”

“What, I can’t? I don't want other guys to be looking at your tits. Is that so wrong?” 

Your hands came up to cover your chest, furrowing your eyebrows “He wasn’t looking at them…”

“He was, baby. I know because I was looking at them too.”

“Oh my god, Yoongi...” You complained, why did he always have to make your cheeks burn red?

“Don’t Yoongi-me...”

“He wasn’t, but that was not the point.”

“What is it, then?” 

“That you don’t have to feel jealous of him.” You almost whispered. 

“Then why did he say that you never mentioned me?” He asked. In that moment you could see a different layer of Yoongi, one that didn’t use words to hide what he was really feeling, he couldn’t find a way to ask that question in any other way than to be direct. 

“I have known him for only two months, bubba.” You explained “He barely knows anything about me, I told him nothing about me. But I’m sure he likes me and said that to upset you, don’t pay attention to him.”  

“Only two months?” He asked.

“Yes, he helped me with that failed exam that made me cry. We always talk about school, but tonight was different, I don’t know why.” 

Yoongi looked like he was thinking about it, processing your words and changing his mood. You were right, there was no need to be upset. After all, all your friends knew him and loved him. His face softened.

“And besides, I only want you.” He stared at you from above. He was face to face with you and yet  he was so blind to see what you wanted. He was the only guy who could have you like that yet he still got jealous of someone you never thought about. 

You thought about Yoongi all the time when he was gone. You thought about him when you were cooking, wishing he was there to taste your food. You thought about him when you passed by the music store, when you see a fluffy brown dog down the street or when you hear the sound of the piano in a movie. 

You thought he knew all this stuff, but he was unaware of all of it, even if he was the only person you allowed to be inside you and have a conversation at the same time. 

“You do?” He asked.

“Yeah, pretty much. I mean, look at me, You know I don’t do these things with other boys.”

“Yes, I know.”

“Then stop pouting!” 

He laughed with you and shut you up with a short but sweet kiss. 

“Stop scolding me.” He whispered against your lips. 

“You need to be scolded sometimes.”

“Get up, let me clean you up.”

You sat on your bed before leaving the room, staring at yourself in the mirror, wondering if you were presentable to go out. Then, you remembered something.

“What did you get me?” You asked him. “Tonight you said you got me something.”  He nodded, remembering the gift. He stood up from the bed and looked for something in the drawer of your nightstand. He took out a thin but long black box and handed it to you without saying anything. “Did you hide it in my drawer?”

“Yes, when I arrived.”

You opened the box to find a golden necklace with three white pearls in the middle, it was the same necklace you were ogling in the store where you bought Nayeon’s ring. He came back and picked it for you. 

You stared at him with the sweetest look you could ever give him and jumped right into his arms to hug him. 

“You’re the cutest” You said between giggles “Thank you, it’s beautiful. I love it”

“Of course you do, I saw you in the store about to go bankrupt  to buy it. I couldn’t let that happen.” He laughed. He knew you so well. 

“And people think you aren’t sweet.”

“Don’t tell anybody about it.” He joked, hugging your waist and pressing a kiss to your lips “No one can know.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect your bad guy reputation.” 

Yoongi and you left the room acting like nothing happened, you sang happy birthday to a drunk Nayeon and ate the cake you made for her, everyone liked it, including Yoongi, who ate two pieces. 

Kevin didn’t try anything anymore, not after Yoongi kissed you in front of him, he got the idea. Nayeon gave you a funny look when he saw you again after half an hour, like she knew a secret she wasn’t supposed to know. 

Everyone left except Yoongi and Jungkook. You decided to clean the apartment the next day. Jungkook slept in Nayeon’s bedroom on a spare mattress and Yoongi followed you to yours to change into his pajamas and prepare to sleep another night in your one person bed. 

“I’m gonna buy you a bigger bed for your birthday,” He said, hugging you from behind “we can’t keep sleeping like this.” 

“I’m afraid we have to, a bigger bed won’t fit in this room.” 

You secretly loved sharing your small bed with him, there was no way for him to escape from you and the only comfortable position to sleep in was spooning. 

“That sucks.”

“But I like spooning.” You confessed.

“We can spoon in a bigger bed.”

You laughed, grabbing the hand he had on your waist and bringing it closer to your chest. He buried his face on your hair, attempting to fall asleep, only then you allowed yourself to step inside your mind. The rational you made an appearance and got informed about the events that happened during her absence.

Even pressed against him on the bed you felt like there was an abyss between the two of you and the things you wanted. The rational you did a list of them: firstly, you didn’t do “casual”, you never did, you didn’t like it. Yet, there you were, wrapped around some guy’s arms, waiting for him to tell you he was ready to be serious about you. 

You enjoyed the night, you didn’t want those thoughts to cloud your mind, but it’s almost impossible to stop them. A version of you that you never met was created in your head as you allowed those thoughts to wander in it. She looked like a nightmare, like someone you wanted to erase, a version of you who waits for someone to love her or leave her, not really sure what the man she loved was going to choose to do, not really sure of anything at all. You start to feel embarrassed, wondering if this is the view your friends had of you, if Nayeon or Jungkook saw the way Yoongi had you saving a spot he wasn’t sure if he wanted.

You were about to be dragged into one of the deepest places of your mind but then, his deep voice reached your ears, making all those ugly thoughts disappear in a second. 

“You know that you’re the only one I want too, right?” He asked, referring to the previous conversation you had.  Did you know? You felt like it was news to you. 

“Now I know.” You answered. He kissed your cheek and said something before falling asleep.

“Now you know.” 

You found it funny how Yoongi was the one to blame for all those thoughts but also the only one who could make them disappear. You fell asleep right after him, deciding not to torture yourself with any more questions, at least for tonight. 

taglist: @scqrl3tte @kimseokjinbangtan @bluesharksandfish @minmin2022 @minvlush @bids97 @cowboylikevicky @sugainmybowl @jiimtaee @karlamoralese @localmoonchild @wespers-jaan

so it goes | myg

 Summary: You and Yoongi have been hooking up, having dates and spending most of the week together for almost seven months. He was comfortable without a title, until the last two weeks, when you couldn't see him because of your busy schedule, Yoongi can't understand why he misses you so bad if your relationship is just sex to him. Or maybe he does, but he's too much of a coward to admit it.

series masterlist,

part two

 —pairing: rapper!yoongi x reader

—rating: +18

—genre: friends with benefits (kind of?) to lovers, fluff, smut.

—warnings/tags: fingering, unprotected sex, dirty talk, mentions of blowjobs, dom!yoongi i guess? (he's soft tho!!) yoongi is in denial, he asks himself lots and lots of questions, emotional constipation!!! etc etc

—words: 6.8k

a/note: hiii, this is my first time posting something for bts and i'm really excited!!! i'm planning to write more about this couple so feedback is appreciated :) pd: english is not my first language. taglist is open if you want to join!!

You were five blocks away from Yoongi’s apartment when your phone vibrated in your pocket for the second time in the span of five minutes.

[Yoongo]: Hurry up

[Yoongo]: Dinner is almost ready

[Yoongo]: If you don’t start running I’m gonna start eating without you.

You giggled looking at his contact name, he made a typo when he wrote his name on your phone and you never changed it, you liked it that way. Yoongi wasn’t going to eat without you, he was the one who invited you, but you started to walk faster anyway.

The memory of the Yoongi who wrote his name on your phone seems so distant now, he was so different from the one who was waiting for you at his apartment, maybe because your mind had unconsciously decided to divide the image you had of him into different parts. The first one was the Yoongi everyone else knew, the rapper, producer and founder of his own label, a well respected name in the industry. The second was the one you knew from the media and the paparazzi pictures of him that came out every weekend, coming out of the club with a different girl by his side every time. Getting bored too fast, never getting enough of that life or anything at all.

The cold wind hit your face as you remembered the first time you met Yoongi, it was the night that Jungkook decided to throw a party, celebrating the start of summer. During that time, your best friend had recently signed with Yoongi's label and was very excited to introduce you to his new friends. You met Namjoon and Hoseok and a few other members of their team, but all you remember was Yoongi’s lingering gaze and intimidating aura, he said hi to you but nothing else, clearly not interested in meeting new people, clearly not interested in meeting you. But as the night passed and Jungkook's party was coming to an end, the only thing you could focus on was his piercing dark eyes staring at you. Why would he be staring at you all night, giving you sneaky glances until you left but never making a move?

"Because you were Jungkook's friend" Yoongi would answer if you were to ask him now, and then he would say something about not fucking people who he could possibly see again. What an asshole, you thought at your imaginary conversation.

At that time you didn't lose sleep over it, didn't question it too much, but even though you two had way too different personalities, you couldn't deny that he was attractive enough for you to find yourself thinking of him once or twice during that week.

The third and last part of the image you had of him in your mind was very different from the last one. You remember discovering it at Jungkook's barbecue party. It was a hot afternoon, Yoongi took a seat next to you and he asked what you were studying at college, he tried to sound interested when you answered history. You made a lame joke and that was the first time that you saw his gummy smile. You liked it so much that you wanted to tell another joke just as bad.

He was quiet, calm and observant, nice enough to offer you a ride home. Nice enough to offer you a ride home every time since that day. He used to say that your dorm was on the way to his house, which was a lie but you didn't know it back then.

You let him drive you home, you enjoyed the music he played and the way he listened to you when he asked you about your life, you enjoyed listening to him talk about his. You thought you were so lucky to know that part of him, and you were so embarrassed when you realized you had a huge crush on him. He was just being nice, no matter how kind he was or how flirty he sounded, he could never feel the same way about you. That's what you thought, until he kissed you before you jumped out of his car one night. That's what you thought until he started kissing you every single time after that.

It wasn't the first time that you asked yourself why Yoongi was so adamant to not let you go, you weren't his girlfriend and he wasn't your boyfriend, but why, after being with so many girls, he decided to keep you? Why did his actions say that he liked you more than his words did? You were pretty, you could admit that, but so were all the other girls, what did you have that they didn't?

You remember asking him about it once. After a long debate about which movie to watch, you beat him by outright refusing to watch a sci-fi movie over a romcom, you and him were laying on his bed with your head on his chest and his hand stroking your hair when a scene of a romantic monologue started, you lifted your head and looked at him.

“What do you like most about me?” Smiling, you watched him trying to act like you didn’t catch him off guard. His eyes popped open but automatically a stupid smirk appeared on his face.

“Your ass.” He answered and you punched his arm before he could finish the last word, he let out an “auch” as his shoulders started shaking from laughter. Then, he decided to correct himself. “I like that you’re sweet”

“That's the lamest thing to like about me” you complained, “I'll pretend that you just said my ass.” you pretended to focus on the movie again, taking your eyes off of him.

During the six months that you had met him, you learned how to manage him a little bit. Sometimes offering food worked, in the worst of the cases it was to throw a tantrum, but that day it only took a pout for him to break.

“Don't” he grabbed your chin, making you look at him again “You're the sweetest,” he confirmed again and kissed you tenderly on the lips “you make laugh. And you're hot.”

“The hottest?” You joked.

“You bet.”

Yoongi was a man of a few words and you always cherished the ones he had for you. Like when you started going to his studio to bring him food that you cooked only for him, Yoongi forced himself to work long hours and most of the time he forgot to eat, but when you brought him food he ate every single thing.

He always grabbed you by the waist and sat you on his lap, he asked you about your day and you asked him about his. He shared food with you and feed you on the mouth.

“Your food is always the best, babe” he murmured with his mouth full of food.

You still thought about the first night you invited him to your dorm one time that your roommate wasn't home. He ordered food, drank wine with you, watched half of a movie, decided to take off your clothes and fucked you on your bed for the first time.

Your bed wasn't as big as his, he had a king size all for himself while in yours only fitted you and maybe half of him. But Yoongi didn't care, not when he was on top of you. Holding your legs up, fingers digging into the flesh of your hips and his wet lips whispering against your neck, he made you look at him the whole night while he fucked you open nice and slow, he liked to take his time. You remembered Yoongi squishing your face between his fingers making you pout slightly, he thought you looked so pretty like that, with parted lips and furrowed eyebrows willing to let him fuck you as long as he wanted, however he wanted. At that point he knew your body too well, he knew how to touch you and where to kiss you, but you knew him too, and you knew he talked too much when he was close to his climax, letting the words escape from his mouth without permission. You don't remember everything he said that night, but you do remember a couple lines because during that time, they kept you awake for a few nights.

“My pretty girl, always taking me so well” he said as you threw you head back when he started leaving kisses down your neck, sneaking his hand where your bodies connected so he could slowly rub his thumb on your clit, making you whine his name as you felt your walls abruptly clench around him, he loved that shit, he loved how high pitched your voice sounded as he thrusted in and out, brushing the spot that made your toes curl "My only girl, only mine.”

Pressed against him because the bed was too small for the two of you he hugged your waist and hid his face in the crock of your neck, you fell asleep wanting to ask him if he was serious about that, were you his only girl? You were too afraid to believe him.

You remember that week when you failed an exam that you studied really hard for, he invited you to his place and you decided to try a new recipe, it tasted so bad you wanted to burst into tears in the middle of his kitchen. You loved cooking and that was the last thing you needed. Yoongi grabbed you by your face, assuring everything was okay.

“You can try again another day,” he offered "my mom always says that it takes a few tries. I'll take you to Daegu, she'll teach you.”

He was almost joking, saying those words like it wasn't a big deal. The idea of meeting his mom made you feel butterflies, it was so stupid that something like that changed your mood for the better.

Five blocks away, Yoongi was in his apartment about to have a mental breakdown. He was about to order food when he saw the mess he made in the kitchen, but he promised to cook for you tonight in exchange for a weekend with him. He wanted to think his head was all over the place because of work, but that was a lie, it was because of you.

He had hardly seen you the last two weeks, you had spoiled him, you used to visit him mondays, wednesdays and saturdays, you came by his studio every friday but now it seemed like you had no time for him in your schedule. Having tons of projects and final exams, that week you had only visited him the day before in his studio. You didn’t even let him come to visit you because you said you were going to let him distract you.

It was okay, Yoongi told himself, he appreciated that you came yesterday, but at the same time he missed you so bad, he couldn’t remember the last time he kissed you properly, and the memory of last night didn’t help. Namjoon invited you with some friends from the company to a bar, but you couldn’t come because you were celebrating the end of a project with your friends in a whole different bar. You deserved it, Yoongi told himself that, but when he arrived at the bar by himself and everyone started asking him where were you he thought he might explode because of how much he missed you, couldn’t help but wish you were wrapped around his arms. Why did everyone ask him about you? Why didn’t they ask Jungkook, who was your best friend? Why ask your not-boyfriend?

Yoongi always thought that you two didn't need a title, things were good like that, you had good sex and he liked having you around, but at the same time he wanted to scream last friday when you told him you couldn't come over to his apartment because you had a group project with some asshole called Kevin. Who the fuck was Kevin anyway? Did Kevin know that you had a not-boyfriend whom you cook for every friday and you fuck three times a week? What do you mean he doesn't?

He wanted to ask about said project and that guy. Why was he doing a project with you? Were you put together? Did you choose him? Did he choose you? He knew he couldn’t bring it up, he could already hear your voice asking “Bubba, are you jealous?”

Yes the fuck he was.

His mind was a mess but he was sure about one thing, he didn’t want to be with other women, you were enough. Your kisses, bad jokes and the coffee you made was enough. He wondered if you felt the same about him, was he enough for you? What did he have to offer?

In his mind he pictures you like a good friend and good lover; you took care of Jungkook even if you were a few months younger than him, you made Namjoon laugh the loudest, Hoseok trusted you so much that he showed you new songs that he was working on to know your opinion and you were never afraid of kissing Yoongi in front of his friends. How could he be enough for you?

And anyway, when the fuck did he become like this? He used to think he was being subtle, that no one really knew how much he liked you, but everyone did, except for you. Now he was standing under the dim lights of his kitchen with almost burned food, his dog, Holly, head cocked on one side, looking at him as if he was asking what was wrong and the suffocating feeling that he might be in love with you.

Just for a moment he could be honest with himself, he was not subtle at all. But you didn’t seem to notice, however, he was afraid that one of those days you would find out how crazy he was about you.

He remembered that one summer night when you insisted on having a picnic under the stars, Yoongi thought it was so corny but he didn’t have it in himself to say no to you. You showed up in a short summer dress that hiked up your thighs every time you leaned to wipe the food out of his mouth. By the end of the night you ended up blowing him for the first time in the backseat of his car. Was it the best blowjob he ever received? He couldn’t be sure. Was it his favorite? Yes, it was. He couldn't stop thinking about it, about you and your teary eyes and your pretty mouth wrapped around his cock, Yoongi thought no one could ever get it, it was almost romantic, almost sweet. He expected you to be at least a little suspicious when he texted you the next day saying "I can't stop thinking about you", you didn’t mention it.

Months later and you were still in the same spot but way deeper. You came every weekend and fucked all night, woke up and ate breakfast together, watched a movie and go out on a date that you planned, come back and fuck again. Was that enough for you? What if you get tired of it?

That last question hung in the air until Holly ran to the living room when he heard the sound of the keys opening the door and Yoongi snapped out of his trance.

“Hello?” The sound of your voice echoed in the apartment, it seemed to be almost empty until you arrived, now it felt complete.

Yoongi didn’t respond, he waited for you to find him in the kitchen, he heard you taking off your shoes and say hi to his dog.

When you found him, you grabbed his face and kissed him briefly on the lips “What is that face?” You asked, leaving a bottle of wine on the counter “Are you not happy to see me?”

“The food got a little bit burned.” He sighed. He was, in fact, happy to see you.

"I'm sure it's fine, let me set up the table." You brushed it off and that was enough for him to forget about the food, but there was still a heavy weight on his chest, you were the only person who could take it off of him, but he didn’t want you to.

Once the table was ready you put some music and poured wine on his glass.

“Did you have a good time last night? Got drunk?” He asked like it was small talk, but he was dying to know.

“Yes and no. I was too tired to get drunk and I actually got home early, Nayeon was still awake when I arrived. What about you and the guys?”

If the food tasted bad you didn’t say it, you seemed to happily enjoy it as you listened to him talk about last night, laughing about the silliest things.

“They all asked about you.” He said, you tried to hide a smile but you failed.

“Did they? What did you say?”

“That you abandoned me.” Yoongi lied.

“Yoongi…” You whined in complaint, rolling your eyes when his shoulders started shaking as he laughed

“Okay, okay. I said that you were busy celebrating the end of your project.” He told you the truth.

The night passed between laughs, sweet smiles and fond looks. That was something he could not escape, your eyes; they always told the truth no matter what, they were sincere and could never hide what you feel, Yoongi had the blessing –or maybe the curse– to know exactly how to read them. In that moment he looked at you from across the table and he felt like he could almost touch your happiness. Yoongi was terrified that you could feel his as well.

“So he’s keeping it a secret” You mentioned as you were washing the dishes after you finished having dinner. Yoongi was beside you, leaned against the counter with crossed arms.

“But he told you.” He said with an annoyed tone in his voice.

“Of course he told me, he can’t lie to me, I know him too well.” You shake your head in disbelief.

“I’m really hurt that you didn’t tell me.” He joked.

Yoongi had always minded his business, he always was the quiet and calm guy, the one to trust, until he met you. There were countless nights where he found himself gossiping with you in the kitchen, you were calm and quiet too, were the one to trust just like him, but for some reason, somehow, you always seemed to know everyone's business, and you were happy to share them with Yoongi, whom over time learnt to loved those gossipy talks in the kitchen.

Tonight you were talking about Jungkook, who seemed to have not-really-a-girlfriend. Jungkook told you about her and no one else, you didn’t know this, so when you brought it up to Yoongi he was shocked because Jungkook didn’t tell him.

“I’m telling you now, I didn’t know he didn’t tell anybody!”

“Okay, so why is he being all mysterious and shit?”

“I don’t know, maybe the same reason why you didn't tell Namjoon and Hoseok you took me to the river that one time?” You asked taking him by surprise. Yoongi looked at you with raised eyebrows making you giggle. You remember one of your first dates when he took you to eat to the river, after a few hours Namjoon called in an emergency because he messed up the files on his computer, told him that he was calling him for hours and asked where the fuck he was –Namjoon’s words –. Yoongi never answered and later they found out he was with you. He tried to think of an answer, but you didn’t let him. “I don’t know, maybe he is not sure yet, it’s been a while since he had a girlfriend, but I know Jungkook, he really likes her, he will eventually come around.”

Yoongi stared at you as you were washing the glasses, too focused on cleaning to know what what’s going on in his head.

“Did you meet her?” He tried to change the subject.

“No! He would die of embarrassment, he said, but he showed me her instagram.” You said drying your hands to grab your phone from the back pocket of your jeans and looked for the girl’s insta. “See? She is cute.” Yoongi grabbed your phone in his hands and squinted his eyes like an old man, you laughed at that.

Yoongi saw a picture of a smiley girl seated on the beach with an ice cream cone in her hand, she looked nothing like the girls Jungkook was used to dating, but it made sense in his mind, he liked you after all. From the outside, everyone thought that you were too different, that Yoongi never liked a girl like you and that you never liked a guy like Yoongi, but from the inside he knew that there’s no one in this world that understood him more than you. He wanted to tell you all that, but something different came out of his mouth.

“You’re cuter.” He said with a straight face, making you look ridiculous when your cheeks burned red.

When you finished washing the dishes he changed into his pajamas and waited for you sitting on his bed, you were washing your teeth in the bathroom, leaving him alone with his thoughts. It was easier when you were around, he didn’t have time to think about correct or wrong decisions, it was just you in his head.

And then, one more question popped up in his head –or maybe a few more than one– , why did he want to keep you so bad? What did you bring into his life that he didn’t already have?

Yoongi tried to convince himself that he wasn’t in love with you so many times that day that he believed he was about to have a headache because of it. He stared at his bedroom ceiling hoping that the answer appeared written in the white of it, knowing that it was impossible, thinking that there was no possible way that he loved you that much. He almost convinced himself that those months full of nights of gossip in his kitchen, back hugs before sleeping and innocent morning kisses were only products of his imagination. He almost made it, until you walked into the room wearing the tiniest pajama shorts he had ever seen and the tightest tank top, now the only rational thought left on his mind was how bad he wanted to sink his face in your ti–

“What are you thinking?” You asked, kneeling beside him on the bed, you reached your hand to run your fingers through his black hair, he sighed and realized he was about to give up. What should he answer? “Your tits”? “The suffocating knowledge that I'm falling in love with you and I don't know if I'm ready to give you my heart”? "The terrifying suspicion that maybe I already gave it to you"? Maybe he should say the truth, but not today. Instead, he chose to change the subject.

“Holly missed you.” You scoffed, looking behind you expecting to find his fluffy brown friend, when you didn’t see him you turned your head, offering him a tiny side smile.

“Mmm.. Did he tell you that?” You asked, starting to straddle his lap and wrap your arms around his neck, he grabbed your waist to pull you closer to him and pecked your lips, a simple gesture yet so intimate, Yoongi never kissed someone like that, he never reserved the little things for anyone but you. That included the food he cooked for you, the afternoons he let you sleep a quick nap on his chest before a class, the squeeze he gave you when you held his hand, the space in his wardrobe that he saved for your clothes only. God, he was so screwed.

“Yeah, he did. He also complained because nowadays you barely come to visit him. He was so sad last friday when you turned us down, you should’ve seen him.” He murmured, avoiding your eyes.

“I’m getting the feeling that you’re projecting right now. Maybe it is because last time I checked, Holly couldn’t talk.” You raised an eyebrow at him.

“Mmm… give me a kiss.” Yoongi tried to reach for your lips but you pulled back, a devilish smile tugging from the corner of your lips.

“Bubba, did you miss me?” You asked. He lost count of the times he told you not to call him by that nickname, that it was the corniest thing in the world. You ignored him, you never stopped calling him like that. Deep down, Yoongi knew that he liked it, but he would never admit it.

“Did you?”

“I missed you a lot.” You never had trouble confessing things like that, there was never hesitation in your words, just the truth. “I wanted to invite you to come over so many times but I knew I wouldn’t get anything done if you were there…” Your hands played with the chain on his neck while his played with the hem of your shorts, there was an unspoken invitation in your words and he was happy to respond to it, you looked at him through your lashes with a innocent smile in your face which he scoffed at, he pulled you closer and caught your bottom lip between his teeth, never answering the question.

That night he was trying to fuck you hard and fast, maybe because he hadn't done it in two whole weeks and he was horny as hell watching you in those little shorts on top of him, or maybe that was jut an excuse and he, once again, was trying to convince his conscience that you two were just fucking, nothing more and nothing less, it didn't mean anything. But you turned his rough kiss into a sweet one, you dug your fingers into his hair at the back of his neck when he decided to grab your hips and flip you over to leave you under him. Yoongi knew that night you were in a sweet kinda mood when you stopped kissing his lips to start kissing his cheeks and trailed open mouth kisses down his neck. But he wasn't, he wasted no time in taking off your shorts and tank top, leaving you almost naked with only lace black panties as the only barrier for what he really wanted to see.

"Is that right?" He asked with a low voice as he started to drag his hand to your breast, circling your nipple with his thumb slowly. You sighed, too caught up in the feeling of his hand to answer him. "How much did you miss me?"

His other hand traveled down your stomach to stroke your center through the thin fabric sending chills to your spine. Yoongi didn't need you to answer, he knew how much you did by the way your body responded to his hands and the mix of stimulation, but he wanted to hear your answer. He moved his hand from your breast to grab your chin and move your neck to the side so he could start kissing your neck, making you whine his name softly as he pushed your panties aside and started rubbing your clit slow but hard.

“Too much.” You tried to answer in a huff, letting yourself lose in the sweet touch of fingertips and the sound of his low voice, getting wetter and wetter. It was so good but just not enough, and he knew it.

He took off his tshirt and his pants, creating the illusion that you were on the same page as him, but that was not the case. He curled two of his fingers around the black strap of your panties to push it down slowly, making you shiver. You were about to roll your eyes when he threw it away across the room dramatically, but his finger came back to your wet center making you whine softly, teasing your entrance with two of his fingers first before he sank them inside you.

Most of the time you were patient, waiting under him until he decided to make a move, but that night you were slightly desperate. It wasn’t a lie, you barely saw him in two weeks, the least he could do was not teasing you. You moved your hips at the same pace of his fingers trying to chase the feeling but with his free hands he grabbed your hips and pushed them down the mattress.

“Don’t.” That was the only word that could come out of your mouth.

“What?” He had the audacity to laugh.

“Don’t be like that with me.” You tried to argue but your words sounded almost like a beg.

“Why? Were you waiting all week for me to fuck you?” You watched his face going down your chest to find one of your breast to take it on his mouth, swirling your nipple with his wet tongue as his fingers kept fucking you slow, tortuously pulling them out to rub you clit and then coming back to curl them inside you, you arched your back. He caught your nipple between his teeth and bit it a little when you didn’t answer.

“Y-yes, I was.” You mumbled through a moan.

“Mmm… My good girl, so wet already for me, how bad you wanna get fucked?” He asked, accelerating his movements, the room filled with the sound of your cries only, two of his fingers deep inside you as his thumb fastly circled your clit.

“Yoongi..” You whined looking at him through hooded eyes and with swollen lips. Then, he stopped his movements abruptly.

“Do you want me to fuck you right now, to make you cum?” He removed his fingers and put his hands on each side of your head*. You sobbed silently in protest but he didn't care, that was exactly what he wanted from you. But you could only nod and redirect your gaze to his tight boxers. “I was going to make you wait, baby,” he scoffed, grabbing the elastic of his boxers and finally taking them off “Just like you made me wait for you for two weeks.” his hand gripped your thighs, opening your legs to display you as he liked, his eyes flying to his target, so wet and warm, he couldn't wait even if he tried. “But I can't when I have you spread like this just for me”

A cry left you when he started to rub his cock against your clit and folds, going up and down making you squirm under him, he told himself that he wouldn't tease that night, there was a little angel seated on his right shoulder telling him to be nice and not to do it, but the little devil seated on the left keep whispering to tease you until you were crying for his cock, he tried to find a balance between them, and he was going to try and making you wait and fuck you like he wanted, but he never liked a fifty-fifty in bed.

He pressed a kiss on your lips, opening his mouth slowly so he could languidly slip his tongue inside your mouth. His hands coming up to brush your nipples with his thumbs once again as he rolled his hips against your core making you gasp in anticipation, he whispered to your ear, “I need to hear what you want first.”

“I want.. you” You murmured, feeling caged between him and the mattress, mind too cloudy to think of an elaborated sentence.

“You want what, baby?” He asked, his nose touching with yours, lips brushing together as he spoke. The pressure between your legs started to become unbearable, your hips pushed forward to meet him but all he did was grab them to keep you in place. You arched your back and pressed your chest against his wrapping your legs on his waist, but that was not enough for him to decide himself to fill you up. He was so annoying, making you to say prescicely what he wanted to hear otherwise he wouldn't fuck you. You were the shy kind of girl in bed you met him, the first time he made you say your pussy was his, your face turned as red as a tomato, you never had said those things in bed but with Yoongi it was necessary, he loved hearing your whiny voice begging him to make you cum, and on the long way you learned that was exactly what you needed to do to get what you wanted. No matter how famous, or hot Yoongi was, at the end of the day, when he was balls deep inside of you, he was just a man and you took advantage of that.

“I want you… to fuck me.” You said giving in to him.

“Mmm… no pretty please?” He whispered, leaning to peck your lips sweetly as if he was mocking you. God, that made your walls clench around nothing in anticipation, almost daydreaming of the feeling of his cock fucking you open. He let out a mocking laugh when he realized how much it turned you on the way he was playing with you, he was such an asshole.

Decided, you grabbed his face with both of your hands and made him look at you, devoring his lips without warning “Please Yoon,” you said whining between kisses as you started to rub your center against his member, you could hear a low moan get stuck on his throat and you felt the grip on your hips get tighter “just fuck me please, it's been so long.”

It was rare to leave Yoongi without words when this wasn't the worst thing he had made you say in bed, but he was so hard at that point that all he could think of was being inside you. So he did, thrusting hard, stretching you open until your thighs started shaking.

“You always fit me so well.” Yoongi said out of breath. He was on edge too, trying to keep his chill-guy persona but already starting to fail as you rolled your hips just right against him, only focusing on your naked body and the the pretty noises you made, Yoongi was a bit dumb if he thought he had full control of you in bed when you knew exactly how to break him. “Tell me baby, am I the only one who gets to see you like this? To fuck you like this?” His voice came out in a groan as he pounded in and out your pussy slowly, the only thing you could think of was the hard drag of his cock wrapped around your walls and the tingling feeling in the low part of your tummy. Your breath got caught in your throat, he was being mean, making you wait as he dragged his hand down your body to circle your clit with the same pace as his thrusts. You were sure there was an answer somewhere in your mind, you just couldn't find it. When the only thing he heard in response were your sobs he slammed a particularly hard thrust making you snap out of your trance, squirming in pleasure.

“Y-yes! O-only you” You sobbed pushing your hips forward to meet his movements. It wasn't the first time that he asked questions like these when he didn't see you after a long time, Yoongi was almost predictable, almost.

He placed his face in the space between your neck and shoulder and pushed himself deeper inside you, happy with your answer he started to pick up a faster pace which left both of you breathing heavily, moaning loudly. “Are you going to cum all over my cock tonight, baby? Make a mess on my dick like a good girl?” He grunted, you tried to catch your breath to answer him but instead you nodded repeatedly, too lost in the sound of your bodies crashing each other and his low groans, his cock hitting all the right spots, brushing you sweet spot over and over again until the knot of your stomach started to grow tighter with each thrust. It wasn't long until you both started to get close to your climax, after all you had not fucked in two weeks after fucking every two days for months.

“My sweet girl, will you let me make you cum as much as I want?” He asked once again. Your mind tried to form a sentence good enough to answer him, but you could only moan in response, feeling how your pussy milked his member everytime it came out and came back inside. This time he doesn’t care that you don’t answer, too satisfied with the way your face looked, quiet cries slipping out of your lips, throwing your head back when he fucked you deeper.

Your walls started to tighten around his dick more and more, he was about to go crazy, thrusting a little sloppily already.

“Does it feel good?” He asks with a low voice just to feel the way your pussy clenched around him, he knew how much you liked the dirty way he talked to you.

“I-it feels too good.” You said, closing your eyes overwhelmed by how full you feel. A wave of pleasure washing over you, pressing your forehead against his shoulders, you knew you were close. Other nights you hold back as much as possible, enjoying the pressure between your legs, wanting to keep him inside you forever. Tonight you weren’t in the mood for waiting.

The sound of your moans invidaded him as he kept buring himself inside you, he hid his face in the crook of your neck as he was feeling how close he was to finish.

“Yoon.. I-I’m too… too close” You let him know in a sigh.

“I know, baby. Cum for me. Be a good girl and cum for me.” He said, still hiding in your neck, you nodded as if he could see you, his cock throbbing inside you in anticipation. He looked at you, wanting to see your pretty face as you came undone.

You came moaning his name uncontrollably as he kept thrusting inside you, helping you ride your climax. He followed shortly after as if he was holding on until you do it first.

When you finished he brought a wet towel from the bathroom and helped cleaning you, grabbing your panties and putting them on for you. He climbed the bed and pecked your lips, he saw your messed up makeup and tried to wipe it with his thumb, failing miserably.

“I'm really happy that you finished your exams.” He confessed “You worked really hard, I’m proud of you.” You smiled brightly, it was no surprise for him that you had a praise kink.

“Thank you, bubba.” Yoongi tried really hard not to roll his eyes.

“And I missed you too.” He finally said.

“I knew it.” You just replied laughing.

No, you don’t know shit, Yoongi thought. You didn’t know how many times the image of your fucked up face when you were about to cum showed up in his head since you did. You didn’t know how bad it messed him up the look you gave him when you asked to be fucked again later that night. You didn’t know how much he missed you in those two weeks.

But, on contrary belief, you knew a thing or two. You weren’t stupid, you remembered that one night when Yoongi confessed you that his heart was broken two years ago, he never used those words though, but you didn’t have to be a shrink to notice that Yoongi was afraid to get hurt again. He was so cliché, even when he tried so hard not to.

Yoongi was, in fact, kind of dumb for thinking that you could ever hurt him, but at some point in the last two years he learnt that he had to build a wall every time he met a girl. The problem was when he met you and he realized that he liked you more than any other girl he had met. The problem was when he let you meet his brother one day and his brother told his mom, and his mom called him demanding to meet his new girlfriend. The problem was that he got used to seeing you in his studio couch and on his bed wearing his tshirt only. The problem showed up when he realized it was hell every morning when you had to leave early to catch a class and he begged you to stay, you never skipped them, but he didn't mind trying over and over again.

The problem was in that moment when he was about to fall asleep, arms wrapped around your naked body, trying so hard not to give up but in the end he does, he’s in love with you.

no more 02 (m) || myg & reader

title: no more pairing: min yoongi x reader genre: some angst, fluff, one-sided love (unrequited love?), college!au, secret relationship, smut word count: 14.5k prompt: yoongi doesn’t like your consistent pining, and one day, after finally coming to terms that he will never reciprocate any feelings back, you give up. yet, for some reason, yoongi is the one who can’t come to terms with the consequences of when he says ‘no more.’ warnings: public sex (in the bathroom), unprotected sex a/n: so yes, you’ve heard it right, i deleted and rewrote this fic a total of 4 times! we are our own worst critics, and i admit sadly that it’s evidently true. i hope you guys enjoy because… like i said…. four times………. and… idk how i feel about this one but I’M DONE! (i have mixed feelings about this) it’s the end of my 2-part series!

taglist: @jalexad​ @hopeonysus​ @min-yus​ @cuteipat​ @flowerblu00 @cutechim​ @hecticwonderer​​ @joondala​​   01 || 02

Yoongi learns that pinks are his favorite color… at least, his preferred color on you.

He’s fond of when your lips are tinted a shade similar to strawberries from your sheer Dior lip balm he sees you apply on frequently. And when he presses his lips against yours, although it doesn’t taste as sweet as you look, he continues to shower you with pecks across your face nonetheless while you laugh uncontrollably at the ticklish sensation. Pink suits a pretty girl like you.

Or when you smile; cheeks rosy with an extra layer of an apricot blush, your skin radiates as if it’s been caressed by the sun, glowing in parallel to when it sets in the horizon. 

Weiterlesen

no blueberries (m) || kth & reader

title: no blueberries pairing: kim taehyung x reader genre: angst, fluff, minor smut, romance, college!au, minor artist!taehyung word count: 12.3k prompt: no more!taehyung gets his heartbroken to the point he doesn’t even love his favorite fruit, blueberries, anymore. then he meets you, the complete opposite of the girl of his dreams, and suddenly, blueberries taste sweet again. warnings: explicit smut,,, but short :) a/n: she/her is no more!oc :) also, thank you guys for your support for no more & for the interest of the spin-off for taehyung !! (also don’t come at me at the end if i made any mistakes bc i gave up on rereading any of my work LOL i’ve sat on this too long)

His love for the color blue dissipates along with her slipping through his fingers.

Weiterlesen

no more 01 (m) || myg & reader

title: no more pairing: min yoongi x reader genre: some angst, fluff, one-sided love (unrequited love?), college!au, secret relationship, smut word count: 15.2k+ prompt: yoongi doesn’t like your consistent pining, and one day, after finally coming to terms that he will never reciprocate any feelings back, you give up. yet, for some reason, yoongi is the one who can’t come to terms with the consequences of when he says ‘no more.’ warnings: unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), fingering, just doing the damn deed  a/n: sup people, i’m back at it again with a fic, a two part series so hold on tight!!! let me know what you think!! 01 || 02

Honestly, in your perspective, Yoongi is the pure definition of perfection.

Weiterlesen

2: the avoiding // series m.list

note: thanks for all the love w part 1! any guesses on what’s gonna happen w the next part?? 👀

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “aao” // DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

🏷️ permanent taglist: @joonsjuice @taetaecatboy @pb-n-juju @miss-rainy-days @firesighgirl @whoa-jo @vantxx95 @pamzn @kakixaku @casspirit0705 @tae165 @defzcl @sopebubbles @leefics @ggukkieland @bebebutbetter @yoongimentita7 @boraength @era-genius @4ksj @vampcharxter @miss-jupiter @floweryjeons @taegijns @jeonqkooks-main @ellesalazar @jkslvsnella @parkinglot-nights @kissyfacekoo

fic taglist: @seagulljk @peterstarkchrishiddleston @thekookiecorner @sneezedonthebeat @kyjjk @bbtsficrecs @rainypainting @skzthinker @cookysstuff @lachimolalajeon @wildflower98

//

Maybe Jungkook should’ve thought this through a little more.  

He should’ve seen this coming, right? For some reason, it slipped his mind.

It’s been a week since he admitted his feelings for you and holy shit—he’d kill for things to be awkward.

For something to happen.

For you to say something.

For you to do something. 

Instead, you’ve disappeared.

Okay, this isn’t a magic show or anything… It’s just… You’re shy. He knows that. You get embarrassed easily and often feel the need to take time for yourself. Which is valid and fair! You had no idea the whole him having feelings for you thing was going to come up that soon… Yet, it still stings knowing you’re doing this to him.

Isn’t it love over fear?

Perhaps, it’s avoidance and fear for you.

He thinks these things because it’s the only possible explanation of your behaviour recently. Your routine with him has been completely thrown out the window and he can’t seem to understand why.

Every time he went to your class, you had already left. He couldn’t even find you at your usual times and spots at the library. At one point, he stood outside your dorm room and threw rocks at your window like an angsty teenager. Still, you never came out.

No replies to his text messages.

Your voice mail was filled with his messages and missed calls.

Fuck, you’re even silent on Twitter! It’s so unlike you (you’re such a yapper on Twitter).

So, when Jungkook sees you enter the skating rink with Hobi, Yoongi, and Jimin—his eyes light up.

Who could blame him? He missed you.

Jungkook’s obvious look of love catches Jin, Nam Joon, and Taehyung’s attention. They all exchange looks with one another and snicker. This entire time, they had a hunch Jungkook was interested in you. This moment, however, proved their assumptions to be true. Besides, seeing the way Jungkook’s posture relaxes at the sight of you; it was no secret. 

He likes you. 

As the three of you skate to Jungkook and the rest of your friends, he keeps his eyes on you. You notice. Of course, you do. In response, you dart your eyes everywhere but his direction. 

“Nice of you all to join us,” Taehyung says happily. “You guys are only like… An hour late.”

Jimin huffs. “We would’ve been here earlier if someone wasn’t so hungover—”

“I’m doing my best!” Hobi cries, throwing his hands in the air. “God, why are we even ice skating? Who the fuck ice skates at 9AM?”

Jin reaches over, playfully hitting Hobi in the stomach. “Yah, Hoseok! It’s 2PM already. Get your shit together or you’ll fall face flat on the ice.”

Then, in attempt to fight back with Jin, Hobi tries to hit Jin back. Quickly, he fails and practically stumbles over and falls on his bum.

Hobi groans while everyone laughs in unison. You laugh too and Jungkook is sure to not miss the sight. When you catch his glance, you quickly compose yourself. He catches this and tilts his head with a grin at you. Suddenly, your stomach feels uneasy. 

“Yah, Jungkook,” Hobi drags, as he gets up. “Don’t be so shameless. I know I’m hot and all but stop looking at me like you’re into me. ___’s right here!” 

Everyone turns to you. 

Your cheeks quickly flush red. 

“Don’t say shit like that so unhinged, Hobi! You’re embarrassing her.” Yoongi pats your back as you try to laugh it off. Everyone awkwardly looks at each other, only making you feel even more embarrassed.

Clearing your throat, you make an announcement; “W-well… I think I’m going to skate a few rounds—”

“I’ll join you!” Taehyung pushes past Jungkook and links his arm with yours. “Let’s ditch these grandpas.”

As you two turn and skate away, Jimin lets out a whine. “Wait for me!” 

Just as Jimin picks up his feet to catch up, he turns his head and raises an eyebrow at Jungkook. “Aren’t you coming too? This is probably a good time to talk to ___ since she can’t escape.”

Jungkook nods, but turns Jimin’s suggestion down. “You go. I’ll catch up.”

“… You aren’t going to talk to her?”

“I will.”

Jimin tsks. “Okay… Then let’s go.”

“Not yet.” Jungkook insists. “I know my timing… Just go ahead. I’ll catch up in a bit.”

Jimin rolls his eyes and reminds Jungkook that he’s far too complicated for his age. The rest of the guys all shrug at each other, completely thrown off. To be honest… No one really understood Jungkook. He’s always just been their baby—their weird, lost puppy, lovestruck baby.

With that, Jimin skates as fast as he can to catch up with you and Tahehyung. Meanwhile, everyone resumes their conversations. Hobi talks about the wild party he went to last night and how Yoongi had to pick him up. Yoongi interrupts with details like how he found Hobi half asleep on the kitchen island and with only one shoe on. Hobi tells everyone about how he found his sock inside the hood part of his jacket and doesn’t remember why or how… As the story goes on, Jungkook keeps his eyes on you. He watches as you push Jimin and Taehyung around. How big your smile gets when you’re about to fall and how cute you are simply just by being you. 

As the three of you finish a round, Jungkook bids his goodbye to the guys and gets skating.

At least, he tries to. 

“Hey, ___!” Jungkook calls out for you. “Wait up! Oh, shit—oofffh”

You halt and turn to see Jungkook struggling to skate his way to you. His knees look stiff and he moves his feet way too fast. Before you know it, he’s tumbling over. Jimin and Taehyung continue fooling around, shoving each other. They don’t notice. The two continue to skate as you make your way to Jungkook. 

Skating to him, you get on your knees to check on him. “Oh my god, are you okay?”

He winces as you place your hand on his knee. Instantly, you gasp and murmur an apology. Jungkook sits still, letting you panic over him. Then, he bursts out laughing.

Slowly, you find his eyes and lower your gaze at him. 

“This isn’t funny! I thought you got hurt.” You sit up and cross your arms. “Do you seriously not know how to skate? I thought you were good at everything. Now you’re laughing because you got hurt? Or are you laughing because—”

“Are you avoiding me, ___?”

“W-what?” you stutter, turning your face away. 

Jungkook reaches over, cupping your cheeks with his hands. He holds you still, giving you no choice but to face him literally. He’s serious. The closeness between you two makes you shake. 

“You’re avoiding me. You’ve been avoiding me. It is because I like you?”

You gasp at Jungkook’s confrontation. It’s so forward. “Oh my god—”

“It is, isn’t it?” Jungkook asks and answers his question. 

How does he do this? How are his eyes so steady and his hands so warm? How does he ask such a ridiculous question with the sincerest tone? In fact, he asks in such a nonchalant way—you were almost convinced this wasn’t a big deal… Except, it is.

It’s a huge deal. 

Jeon Jungkook has feelings for you.

Who the fuck wouldn’t be freaking out?

“I like you,” Jungkook confesses for the nth time. You shut your eyes and take his hands off your cheeks. He lets you do so, but he continues. “I like you, ___. I don’t know how many times you need to hear it to know it—”

“I do know it,” you hush him in a panic. You take a look around before leaning in closer to him. Then, you whisper, “I know… You’ve said it once, twice, and now three times. I j-just… I don’t understand—”

Jungkook inches closer to you. “Well, what’s there not to understand?” 

You look at him blankly. 

“I like ___,” Jungkook raises his voice with each other. Then, before you know it… He begins to chant like a child. “I like ___. I have a crush on ___. Jungkook and ___ sitting on a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage—”

Your hands fly to his mouth.

“Shut up!” you beg. “What’s going on with you? People are starting to look!”

Jungkook grabs your wrist and pulls your hands away from his mouth. He sighs at you. “You avoid me for a week and now you’re asking what’s wrong? Come on, ___. Have you been ditching class? You aren’t even at the stupid library these days—”

“The library isn’t stupid.” You defend with a pout on your face.

He ignores you.

“You’re stupid for doing dumb shit like this,” Jungkook tease you. “Do you dislike me this much?” 

You pout, shaking your head at him. “N-no… It’s not that. I think I’m j-just confused? I’m shy… It’s like—I don’t know what you want me t-to say… I d-don’t know what to do.”

Jungkook offers you a shy smile. 

“Good.”

“Good?”

“Me neither. I don’t know what to say or do… I just hoped it’d be awkward like this. At least, I can work with this, you know? Kinda hard to figure my feelings out when you’re avoiding me and shit.”

You laugh. 

“I’m sorry about that. I think I just need time to adjust to my new findings… If that’s okay? I’m probably gonna be a horrible friend—“

Jungkook chuckles. “Breathe, ___…. It’s all good… Just… Stop? I’d appreciate it if the girl I have a crush on stops running away from me… It’s like we’re in the 4th grade all over again.. Anyways, I want you to know that I’m still the same Jungkook—”

“Except you like me,” you point out. “T-that’s different. That’s the new Jungkook.”

He nods with a crooked smile on his face. Jungkook finds the way you’re processing everything so endearing. Liking you is so easy when you’re like this. You make it too easy. 

So, he agrees with you. 

“Except I like you.”

Then, you let out a giggle. Getting up, you offer your hand to him. “Come on,” you insist. “I’ll teach you how to skate so when you scare me off again… At least you’ll be able to go after me.”

Jungkook laughs at your commentary and accepts your hand. As you two find balance, you wrap your one arm around him as he puts one arm around your shoulders. You point at his skates and begin to instruct him. Like old times, you two enjoy your time together and soon it feels like the ice has been broken. 

It’s not awkward anymore. 

From a distance, the guys watched the whole thing go down. They didn’t hear the conversation but they watched as you and Jungkook get up and skate together. It’s safe to assume you two are in a good place.

“What’s so funny?” Hobi asks Nam Joon. 

Nam Joon points at Jungkook, struggling to skate and holding his hand in an attempt to help him learn. Hobi shrugs at the sight. 

“So what?” Hobi adds. “Guess they talked things through. ___’s helping Jungkook skate! How cute…”

Snickering, Nam Joon nudges Yoongi and Jin. “Hey… Remember Spring break last year?”

Jin nods. “The one when you and Jungkook stayed on campus? What about it?”

Nam Joon squints at Jungkook and watches his feet and knees as they wobble. Then, he lets out a hearty laugh. “Someone contact the Emmys. Jungkook should win one.”

Yoongi shoots Nam Joon a questioning look. The guys minds race with different possibilities… They range is harmless news to life changing news.

“Why?”

Then, Nam Joon reveals the truth. 

“Jungkook knows how to skate.”

Jin bursts out laughing. “So… He’s faking right now?”

Nam Joon shakes his head in disbelief. “Yeah.. Well, more than that… Okay, the truth is that Jungkook was like super hyper-fixated on hockey a few weeks before the break. He asked me to stay on campus with him and teach him how to skate… I’ve been skating my whole life and yet, it only took Jungkook an hour and a half to be just as good as me. And you guys know Jungkook… He’s good at everything. By the end of the week, he was playing hockey by himself. He even told me that our Uni’s hockey coach came in once and caught him playing… Coach offered Jungkook a spot on the hockey team right then and there. He declined it saying he was just fucking around.”

The guy’s mouths drop. 

Yoongi speaks first, “you’ve got to be kidding me…”

Then, they all watch Jungkook skate by with you. With a big smile on his face, they eye you two holding hands and keep their mouths shut. 

Jungkook knew what he was doing. 

Perhaps, he did think this through.

Holding hands and shit.

Vows aka 10 ways to win your husband's heart Masterlist

An arranged marriage AU

You've been in your arranged marriage with Yoongi for five years, and he's never once retaliated for anything you've done to him. One day you realise you've lost your appetite for provoking him, and you set about trying to win his heart instead.

Vows Part 1 Part 2

Drabbles - Sorry, Pretend, Lonely, The suit, Choices, Geneva, Avila, Drive stick, Sire, Drown, Sulky

Schooled - Seokjin's revenge

Firsts

Everything

Doll

Penance

Every time like the first time

Switch pt 2

Untouchable

First Strike

Shiner

©hamsterclaw 2022-2023

Shiner

You've grown to love your emotionally unavailable husband, but part of you wonders if he feels the same about you. The final part of the Vows series, read the rest here.

Pairing: Yoongi x f! reader

Genre: Arranged marriage AU

Warnings: Sex, swearing, Yoongi gets a black eye

Rating: 18+

Word count: 6k

You blink yourself awake and stare blankly at the ceiling, trying to orientate yourself.

Yoongi’s bed. You can tell by the smoothness of the white ceiling, and if you widen your senses, by the feel of the soft, crisp sheets under you.

His smell on the pillow under your head.

You gradually become aware of an ache in your jaw, like you’ve been grinding your teeth.

You turn your head to look at the other side of the bed. 

The throbbing headache hits you like a sledgehammer to the temples. You moan a little and close your eyes again, but it doesn’t stop the room from swirling wavily around you.

Oh shit. 

You’re going to be sick.

You leap up, stagger to the bathroom, curl your arm around the cool porcelain of the toilet and hurl.

The contents of your stomach splatter into the water, and you groan again, retching until there’s nothing left inside you but bile.

You look up frantically when you hear footsteps.

Yoongi? 

He’s meant to be on a business trip.

You fumble for the flush and jump up to wash your face.

Your husband’s seen you in all forms of unattractive but he doesn’t need to see you with vomit on your face.

You splash water on your face, look around hurriedly for your toothbrush. 

Just in time.

Yoongi appears around the corner of the bathroom door, nose wrinkled.

‘It smells like sick in here,’ he observes.

‘I’m sorry,’ you apologise. ‘I’ll get it cleaned up.’

Yoongi approaches you. 

‘I’m not surprised you were sick, considering how drunk you were last night.’

You freeze with your toothbrush in your mouth and goggle at him.

Questions run through your head.

Why is Yoongi back early from his business trip?

How does he know you were out last night?

And finally, why the fuck does your husband have a black eye?

You rinse and spit, open your mouth to ask, but all that comes out is a whimper.

Yoongi looks at you unsympathetically as you press your fingers over your eyeballs.

‘Come on brat, Mrs Gye made us breakfast.’

***

You reach for the toast in the middle of the table and frown, confused, at your bruised knuckles.

The skin’s split over your index, and the rest of your hand is bruised.

Yoongi says, taking a sip of coffee, ‘you throw a mean left hook, wife.’

You gape at Yoongi. 

‘I punched you?’

Yoongi looks at you thoughtfully. ‘Don’t you remember?’

You dredge through the haziness of the night before, trying to remember.

‘Why did I punch you, Yoongi?’

Yoongi gives you a level look. 

‘Think hard, wife.’

You realise Yoongi’s skipped all the endearments he usually uses for you.

In fact, he’s been distant with you all morning.

‘I’m sorry, Yoongi, I can’t remember,’ you plead. ‘Can you tell me?’

Yoongi finishes his coffee, gets up.

‘I have an important meeting in a couple hours,’ he says. ‘I need to get ready.’

As he leaves the room you can’t help but feel you’ve done something terribly wrong.

***

A week earlier

You know Yoongi doesn’t like it when you fuss over him when he leaves for business trips, but you can’t help it this time, when he’ll be gone on the day of your wedding anniversary.

It’s not your first wedding anniversary, you’ve been married for years, but it’s the first one since you proposed to him.

Yoongi had laughed when you pointed it out.

‘You and your romantic heart, jagiya,’ he’d said, affectionately.

You’d laughed at his expression, but you’d felt a pang of disappointment in your chest just the same.

You’d changed the subject quickly, and he hadn’t brought it up again.

Now you’re standing on the front steps of your house in your pyjamas to say goodbye.

‘I might come see you in Bruges,’ you say hopefully, as Yoongi leans in to give you a hug.

‘I wouldn’t bother,’ Yoongi says, practical as always. ‘I’ll be working flat out.’

He studies your expression, and his face softens. 

‘I’ll be back soon enough,’ he promises you.

He lowers his lips to yours, wraps you in his arms.

‘Eat well when I’m gone, ok? Look after yourself.’

‘I will,’ you reply. You reach out for him again, but he’s already stepping away, getting into the car.

You wave him goodbye with your best smile.

***

Your phone lights up in your peripheral vision as you’re getting ready for bed.

You grab it so quickly it flips out of your hands onto the floor.

You swipe quickly. 

Your husband’s beautiful face fills the screen. He’s got one hand loosening his tie as he sits back.

‘Hey,’ you say, teasing. ‘Do I know you?’

Yoongi smiles at you. ‘Forgotten me already? Don’t worry, I left you something to remember me by.’

You tilt your head at him quizzically.

‘Check the bedside drawer, jagiya.’

‘How’d you know where —-‘

‘You always sleep in our room when I go away,’ Yoongi replies briskly. 

‘You don’t know me,’ you mutter, out of habit.

Yoongi just laughs. ‘Go on, check.’

You reach over and pull it open, pick up the gift box and card inside.

‘Open it,’ urges Yoongi.

You tear open the card. 

It’s plain ivory cardstock, with a message in your husband’s familiar, barely legible scrawl.

Happy wedding anniversary. I’m sorry I can’t be there. 

The rush of emotion you feel takes you by surprise.

You flip your screen so he can’t see you blinking away tears.

Yoongi’s voice sounds through your phone.

‘I can hear you sniffling,’ he says, dryly.

‘Allergies,’ you reply.

‘Are you allergic to me being a perfect husband?’ asks Yoongi, sounding completely serious.

You furrow your brow.

‘If the card makes you this emotional, wait until you see the present,’ Yoongi says.

‘I’m opening it now,’ you tell him as you unravel the silver bow and lift the lid.

You’re grateful Yoongi can’t see your face as you stare at the delicate bracelet in the box.

It’s beautiful, expensive, tasteful.

You have no idea why it makes you feel so flat.

You muster up as much enthusiasm as you can as you say, ‘It’s beautiful! Thank you, Yoongi.’

You flip the screen so he can see you.

He looks worried.

‘If it’s not to your taste, jagiya —-‘

‘It’s very beautiful, Yoongi,’ you assure him. You fiddle with the clasp, wrap it around your wrist. ‘I like it a lot.’

You lift your wrist to the camera so he can see.

‘I haven’t got you anything yet,’ you say, worriedly. ‘I was hoping to see you on our anniversary —-‘

Yoongi says, quietly, ‘I’d love to see you, but I can’t promise you much time.’

‘I don’t care if there’s not much time,’ you say. ‘I can take care of myself, Yoongi, I’d love to see you too.’

‘Let’s think about it, ok?’ Yoongi says. ‘We can decide tomorrow.’

Now he sounds tired too.

You feel guilty for pressing when you know he has a lot on his plate.

‘Sure,’ you say, trying to turn the mood of the conversation around.

You smile brightly. ‘Thank you for my gift, Yoongi.’

‘I’m glad you like it, jagi.’

‘I should let you get some sleep.’

He doesn’t protest. 

‘Good night, Yoongi.’

‘Good night.’

***

You and Yoongi never actually agreed that you would fly in to see him, and you feel a twinge of nervousness as you step out of the airport in Ostend.

This close to Christmas, the weather’s chilly, and although it’s early evening, it’s already dark. You wrap your scarf around you as you wait for your car. 

At the hotel, you realise you don’t know Yoongi’s suite number.

You bite your lip nervously as you wait for Yoongi to answer your call.

The dial tone rings out.

You’re trying to decide what to do next when he walks into the hotel.

Your beautiful, polished husband, skin glowing and flushed with cold, his dark hair and eyes in striking contrast, his perfectly fitted navy coat unbuttoned over his perfectly fitted suit, walks in with his media director Park Gyuri.

His stunning ex-model ex-girlfriend Park Gyuri.

Your stomach drops, and it’s at that exact moment that he looks over and sees you.

He blinks at you, open-mouthed, then he’s changed direction and is walking over to you.

‘Jagiya,’ he says, as soon as he’s close enough.

He wraps you in a hug, and you hold him tightly to give yourself time to gather your composure.

You’d known that Gyuri was going to be on his business trip, she and Yoongi travel together often, she’s a core part of his team.

It was one thing knowing it, and another to see them walk in together.

Belatedly you realise the rest of Yoongi’s team have arrived too.

Yoongi pulls back to plant a kiss on your lips, and you hope he can’t feel the hammering of your heart.

‘It’s so good to see you,’ Yoongi says.

You meet his gaze.

Your husband is stunning, of course, but he also looks tired.

‘I hope it’s ok that I came,’ you say. 

You sound formal even to yourself, and Yoongi frowns a little.

‘Of course it’s ok, I’m happy you made it,’ Yoongi tells you.

‘I’m free this evening, we can have dinner together. I’ll get Sungho to make a reservation, ok?’

Yoongi glances around, looking for your bag. ‘Did you bring any luggage, jagiya?’

‘I have to leave tomorrow,’ you tell him. ‘I didn’t bring any pyjamas, is that ok?’

There’s a spark in your husband’s eye. ‘It’s ok, I’ll keep you warm.’

‘That’s what I hoped,’ you say.

Yoongi laughs, grips your hand firmly. ‘I’ve missed you,’ he says, dropping a kiss on your head, and the tightness in your chest finally starts to ease.

***

By the time you step out of the shower, Yoongi’s sprawled out on the huge sofa, so quiet and still you know he’s asleep.

You sit yourself next to him. Like this, his face is at ease, the frown line between his brows that you’ve seen more often lately smoothed out. 

You rarely acknowledge to yourself how much you love him. You’re scared it might be too much.

You run a hand down his chest, and he grunts softly, shifts so he’s flat on his back.

Your hand catches on his belt.

You undo it deftly, because it must be uncomfortable sleeping with a belt on, right?

You don’t really have an excuse for why you undo his suit trousers, apart from that you know your husband wouldn’t mind.

The scritch of his zipper unzipping makes him crack an eye open.

‘Jagiya,’ he says, voice so deep it makes you shiver, ‘what are you up to?’

You look up at him through your lashes.

‘I’m taking care of you Yoongi,’ you tell him. 

You press a kiss to his tummy, right above the waistband of his boxer briefs. ‘Can I?’

Yoongi’s looking at you, eyes darkening as you tug down his waistband, expose him.

‘I had plans for us,’ he says, as you curl your hand around his semi-hard cock.

You smile at him. ‘Me too.’

Yoongi lets out a long breath as you nudge your nose along his cock, breathing in deep.

You take him in your mouth, tongue against the underside of him, sucking a little, enjoying the way he swells up for you.

Yoongi’s got his head back against the back of the sofa, throat working as he reaches full erection. He moves his hips under you, grasps your shoulder.

You reach out to his hand, splayed on the sofa, and knit your fingers through it. 

If you were looking at his face, you’d see Yoongi’s expression change, the tenderness in his expression as he squeezes your fingers gently. 

You’re not, you’re looking at his cock, all your attention set on giving him as much pleasure as you can. 

He’s hard, and you can feel the way he jerks as you undo the tie on your robe to reveal that you’re bare underneath it. 

You tug your hand away from his so he can touch you, well you try to, but Yoongi holds on to you. 

He murmurs ‘jagi’ on a sigh, his voice beautiful like this, deep, mellow, rich. 

You glance up at him, and he’s watching you, his dark eyes so intense you don’t want to look away. 

You pull away, and his hips rise, as if to follow. 

‘Make me messy, oppa,’ you say. 

Yoongi smiles, wolfish, a flash of teeth. ‘Come sit on me.’ 

He unbuttons his shirt because he knows you like it when he’s bare-chested, reaches to steady your hips as you climb on top of him, like you’ve done so many times before. 

He tugs your robe off your shoulders, slides his hand under, his hand warm against your skin. 

He hisses through his teeth as you start to move. 

‘I’ve missed you,’ he tells you as he runs his hand over your front, making your nipples peak, pinching, kneading your flesh. 

‘Yeah?’ you say. 

There’s an unwanted flash in your mind, the image of him and Park Gyuri walking into the hotel. 

You push it away. 

‘I always miss you,’ Yoongi says. 

‘Don’t be romantic, Yoongi, it’s not your style,’ you say, teasing. 

If there’s a tug at your heart when you say it, you hope it doesn’t show on your face. 

Yoongi says, quietly, ‘I’ll be as romantic as you want me to be, jagiya.’ 

You can’t look at him, but it doesn’t matter, because he’s been rubbing his thumb over your clit, doing something with his hips that’s pulling you out of your feelings and into a tide of pleasure. 

You moan, deep, and Yoongi grunts, lifts his head to suck the tip of your breast into his mouth. 

You come with a cry of his name, and Yoongi groans. ‘That’s my girl, fuck.’ 

He utters your name, stretched out, over stuttering breaths, and you realise he’s coming too. 

When your breathing slows and your heartrate settles you realise that he’s still holding your hand.

***

You wake, with a start, to your alarm alerting you to the fact that you’ll miss your flight home if you don’t haul ass. 

Yoongi, beside you, is turned away, his back to you. 

The regularity of his breathing tells you he’s still asleep. 

You get dressed, and sit on the edge of his side of the bed to say goodbye. 

He’s always been beautiful, your husband, but he also looks so tired you haven’t the heart to wake him. He hasn’t stirred the entire time you’ve been getting ready. 

You press a kiss to his cheek and make your way out of the hotel room. 

***

Your best friend Nara’s always been on your side, supporting you in the best ways. When you and Yoongi were estranged in the early years of your marriage, she helped you plot some of your more elaborate stunts. 

It’s always worked both ways, of course, you were the first to support her design house, wearing her creations to all the most high-profile society events, backing her financially when her family threatened to cut her off for not going into the family business. 

Nara’s always been the practical one, the shrewd business mind to your impulsive nature, providing balance. You’re an effective combination, and before your reconciliation, Yoongi had borne the brunt of your antics. 

You’ve always marvelled at the way he’s never tried to reciprocate. 

Nara eyes you over your cocktail. 

‘What did Yoongi do now?’ she asks. ‘I thought he’d be thrilled to see you in Bruges.’ 

‘He was happy to see me,’ you tell her. This much you know, that he had been pleased to see you. You wish you’d been able to spend more time with him, but he’d said from the beginning that he’d been busy.

‘Gyuri was with him.’ 

Nara blinks. ‘She’s part of his team.’ 

Her statement is blunt, factual, but there’s sympathy in her eyes. 

You down the rest of your cocktail. 

‘You can never trust chaebol sons,’ says Nara, gently, ‘we grew up with enough assholes that we know that.’ 

You signal the waiter for a refill. 

‘But Yoongi is less of an asshole than the rest,’ Nara concedes. ‘Not like that fucking Kim Seokjin.’ 

You choke on the water you’ve just taken a sip of. 

‘You never did say what happened after you and Seokjin went to see Lee Sangcheol,’ Nara says, raising an eyebrow. 

‘We’re gonna need more drinks,’ you sigh. 

Five cocktails in, you’re watching with drunken amusement as Nara takes apart a hapless would-be suitor with her razor sharp wit. 

Unlike you, Nara’s tolerance for alcohol is legendary. 

You? 

The room’s dim and wavy around the edges, and you’re feeling maudlin about your trip to visit Yoongi. 

You look up, blinking curiously, as a man approaches you. 

He looks vaguely familiar, in fact he looks like your husband, but you’ve been seeing shades of Yoongi in almost everyone in this bar tonight. 

God, you miss him so much. 

***

Yoongi can tell by the way you’re holding yourself rigidly upright that you’re drunk. 

You look up at him, no recognition in your eyes. 

Yoongi nods to Nara and turns back to you. 

‘Would you like some water?’ he offers, signalling to the waiter. 

‘No thank you,’ you reply. ‘I’d like another cocktail.’ 

Yoongi orders you both a refill and some water. 

Your wedding ring sparkles as you lift the glass to your lips. 

Yoongi’s vaguely amused to see that you chose to drink water first. 

‘Are you having a nice time?’ he asks. 

You consider his question carefully. 

‘Yes, my friend and I are having a great night,’ you reply, finally. ‘And yourself?’ 

‘I’m not usually out at this time,’ Yoongi replies, honestly. ‘This is a rarity for me.’ 

‘Ah,’ you say, looking at him with interest. ‘What’s the occasion?’ 

You still haven’t acknowledged him with anything other than politeness, and Yoongi realises, with a flash of clarity, that you’re so intoxicated you don’t recognise him. 

‘I wanted to support a friend,’ he answers. He guesses it’s true, at least this way Nara won’t be responsible for getting you home tonight. 

You glance fondly at Nara. ‘Friendship is important.’ 

You smile at him for the first time. ‘Where’s your friend?’ 

‘Ah, they’re busy.’ 

You’re steadily sipping your way through the rest of your cocktail. 

‘You’re very beautiful,’ Yoongi says, neutral. 

‘Thank you,’ you reply. ‘You’re very good looking yourself. I’m sure if you’re looking for company, you won’t be short of offers.’ 

Yoongi swallows a laugh at your encouragement. 

‘Can you keep me company?’ he asks. 

‘Ah sorry, it’s girl’s night,’ you say, still polite. ‘Also I’m married.’ 

‘He’s a lucky man,’ Yoongi says. 

You smile. ‘I’m not sure he’d agree,’ you say, lightly. There’s a note of melancholy in your voice that makes Yoongi look at you carefully. 

‘Oh, I just mean I’m a terrible wife,’ you clarify. ‘I’ve done some awful things to him.’ 

Yoongi pours you more water. 

‘Whatever you’ve done, it can’t be that bad,’ he offers. 

You scoff, and he bites back a smile as you look at him scornfully. 

‘I’m capable of extremely terrible things,’ you insist. 

Helplessly endeared by your solemn, drunken expression, Yoongi touches your face. 

‘Do you really not recognise me, jagiya?’ he asks. 

You jerk away from his hand, nearly lose your balance. 

Yoongi pulls you into his arms to stop you from falling. 

He hears your gasp of outrage, and a moment later, the crack of skin against skin. 

Even through the flare of pain, Yoongi’s stunned at the realisation that you’ve just punched him in the face. 

***

Present day

By the end of the day, Yoongi realises he hasn’t heard anything from you all afternoon. 

He heads to your rooms, knocks on the door tentatively. 

When there’s no response, he pushes the door open anyway. 

You’re sitting curled up on the floor, leaning against your bed, facing the patio doors. 

As he approaches you, you grimace. ‘Stay away, I’m probably contagious.’ 

Yoongi takes in the clamminess of your skin, the way your hair’s stuck to your forehead. 

‘Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling ill? Have you been like this all day?’ 

He’s concerned, but he can see the way you flinch a little at the harshness of his voice. 

‘I’m fine, Yoongi, I drank too much and my head hurts.’ 

‘Seems like more than a hangover,’ Yoongi says. He brushes your hair back from your face. ‘Have you taken any meds?’ 

You gesture sadly towards the dressing table, barely six feet away. 

‘Everytime I move, the room spins,’ you tell him. 

Yoongi frowns. ‘Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling so bad? Come on, get into bed.’ 

‘I can’t,’ you tell him. ‘I’ll be sick if I move.’ 

‘You can’t stay like this,’ Yoongi says, exasperated. 

‘Stop scolding me,’ you mumble, closing your eyes. ‘Go away.’ 

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ Yoongi says. He takes a breath. ‘You shouldn’t drink so much.’ 

‘It was you,’ you say, suddenly. ‘It was you who groped me at the bar last night.’ 

Yoongi’s outraged. ‘I didn’t grope you, I tried to stop you from falling!’ 

‘You touched my face!’ you complain. ‘I thought you were a stranger.’ 

‘At least I don’t have to worry about you looking after yourself,’ Yoongi muses. ‘You can beat up anyone who comes on to you.’ 

‘Damn right,’ you agree. 

Yoongi sighs. ‘I’m going to get you some water and meds and then I’m going to put you to bed, ok? Can I do that, or are you going to punch me again?’ 

‘Just don’t grope me,’ you warn. 

‘You recognise me now don’t you? You never complained about me groping you before,’ Yoongi points out. 

‘Stop scolding me!’ 

‘I’m not —’ 

Yoongi huffs out a breath. ‘I promise I won’t grope you if you promise not to punch me.’ 

‘My hand hurts,’ you whine. 

‘You want sympathy?’ asks Yoongi, unsympathetically. 

He sighs. ‘Wait here. Let me get you a drink.’ 

‘Gin and tonic,’ you mutter. 

Yoongi ignores you. 

***

Yoongi’s trying to finish reading the specs his product development team has sent him, but it’s difficult to concentrate.

There’s something weighing on his mind.

It’s you, which isn’t unusual, but what is unusual is the way he feels. 

Uneasy, like he’s missing something.

There’s a knock on his study door.

‘Dinner in fifteen?’ you ask, peering around the heavy oak.

You look very pretty today, Yoongi notes to himself. 

You’re already closing the door when he calls, ‘Hey.’

You look at him enquiringly. 

‘You look pretty.’

You smooth your hand over your hip self-consciously. ‘I feel better.’

‘I was worried about you,’ Yoongi tells you.

You gesture vaguely to his face. ‘Your eye looks better.’

‘Come kiss it,’ Yoongi says. 

It always amuses him, the way you get a little flustered when he asks for affection.

Yoongi pushes away from his desk as you approach him.

‘I’m sorry,’ you say, softly, as you cup his face and press a gentle kiss to his brow.

‘I deserved it,’ Yoongi replies. ‘I’m sorry I wasn’t around for our wedding anniversary. I know that it mattered to you.’

‘It was silly,’ you say, but he can tell by the way you drop your gaze that he’s touched a nerve.

‘It’s not silly, of course you want to celebrate being married to me,’ Yoongi says.

You scoff. ‘You want two black eyes instead of one?’

Yoongi reaches for your hand, presses a kiss to your still-bruised knuckles. 

‘Don’t break your hand on my hard skull,’ he says, very gently.

‘I have a company dinner next week,’ you say, in an obvious attempt to hide how flustered you are.

Yoongi says, ‘Are you asking me to accompany you?’

You blink at him. ‘Would you like to?’

‘I’d love to,’ Yoongi tells you. 

***

You fiddle with the clasp of the stunning bracelet Yoongi gave you for your anniversary.

Objectively, it’s perfect, the diamonds sparkling like stars even in the flattering low lighting of the ballroom at this wedding Yoongi and you have been invited to. 

You’re trying not to think too much about why it leaves you feeling so empty.

He’d clearly spared no expense, you’ve seen this exact bracelet in the pages of a glossy magazine, and the workmanship is incomparable.

Yoongi’s voice makes you look up. 

‘They’re cutting the cake,’ he murmurs to you. ‘We should head back to our table.’

‘I’ll meet you there,’ you tell him. ‘Save me some.’

You head for the ladies room to compose yourself and touch up your makeup.

You’re retouching your lipstick when one of the doors opens, and Park Gyuri walks out.

She smiles when she sees you, nods a greeting. She takes the sink next to yours, and as she unclasps her purse a fiery sparkle draws your attention.

On her left wrist, a bracelet identical to yours.

It’s beautiful, you think it suits her better than it does you.

Now you know why the bracelet’s been bothering you as much as it has.

It represents everything about the chaebol life both you and Yoongi were born into, but though your husband seems perfectly at home in this microcosm, you’ve never truly felt like you belonged.

It makes you feel like Yoongi sees you as someone you’re not, and by extrapolation, that he doesn’t know you as well as he should, despite all you’ve been through.

As well as you want him to.

You force a smile at Gyuri, make yourself walk on legs that feel oddly stiff to exit the bathroom.

Back at your table, Yoongi rises to pull your chair out as you approach. Something in your expression makes him lean closer, voice low and worried.

‘Jagi, are you feeling ok?’

You nod, the smile on your face so frozen it feels like a rictus, a caricature of happiness.

You can feel Yoongi’s eyes on you, but you don’t think you can give him anything else right now, stricken as you are.

His hand finds yours under the table, and you draw comfort from his touch until the hurt and anger recedes and the tears retreat from behind your eyelids.

***

You’re not sure what’s changed, but Yoongi’s been so attentive lately it’s starting to make you feel uneasy. 

You’re trying to zip up the back of your cocktail dress, and before you can even look in his direction, he’s behind you, hands warm on your bare back as he helps you with the zip. 

You turn around, look him in the face. 

‘What’s up, husband?’ 

Yoongi raises an eyebrow at you. ‘You seemed like you couldn’t reach.’ 

‘Not the zip,’ you say, testy. ‘Why are you so —’ 

Yoongi waits, like he genuinely doesn’t know why you’re so tetchy. 

‘Why are you paying me so much attention? I swear, I’m not plotting anything.’ 

Yoongi looks like he’s trying not to smile. 

‘I don’t think you’re plotting anything.’ 

‘Then why?’ 

‘Why can’t I pay you attention?’ Yoongi asks. ‘We’re married.’ 

‘You never paid me this much attention before,’ you point out. 

Yoongi’s brow furrows. ‘Do you want me to ignore you?’ 

‘Yeah.’ You wave a hand. ‘Go back to ignoring me.’ 

‘Do you really want that?’ Yoongi asks. He glances in the mirror, straightens his tie. 

‘I like asshole Yoongi,’ you tell him. 

Your eyes meet in the mirror. 

‘I can be an asshole,’ Yoongi says, finally. ‘But I don’t want you to be unhappy because of me.’ 

‘Since when do you care?’ you say, teasing. 

Yoongi sighs. ‘I’ve always cared. I don’t like it when you’re sick and you don’t tell me, and I sure as hell don’t like it when you’re unhappy and don’t tell me why.’ 

‘You make me happy,’ you tell him. There’s a fluttering in your chest at his words, your taciturn, coolly detached husband isn’t normally this expressive. 

‘I’m glad, because you make me happy too.’ 

Yoongi glances at the bracelet he got you, that you’ve got ready to put on. 

‘Don’t wear that,’ he says. ‘You won’t tell me why, but I know you hate it.’ 

You stare at him. 

‘Don’t deny it,’ Yoongi says. He gives you a look, a challenge in his eyes. 

‘You don’t know me,’ you mutter, out of habit. 

Yoongi rolls his eyes. ‘I do know you, wife, and that’s the problem. You’re a brat.’ 

You scowl at him. Yoongi looks supremely unmoved by your pique. 

‘Come on, I don’t want us to be late for your company dinner.’ 

He takes the liberty of slapping his palm against your ass as he ushers you out of the door, and you don’t even have it in you to pretend to be mad about it. 

***

Yoongi’s by the bar, waiting to be served, watching idly as you converse with your social media team. 

He’s never been to one of your company events before, it’s rare that you invite him, and he likes seeing you with your colleagues. 

You’re well-liked, everyone seems to want to talk to you. 

He’s trying to suppress the urge to pull you into a corner and kiss you silly, because you look so pretty when you’re smiling and confident like this, when a conversation catches his ear. 

‘I’m pretty surprised that Min Yoongi’s here – I thought they were estranged,’ says a woman by the bar. 

‘Everyone knows he’s fucking Park Gyuri,’ says the man next to her, with a casual cruelty that makes Yoongi’s hand itch to slap him. 

Yoongi steps out in front of them, levels them with a look. 

‘I’m not fucking anyone apart from my wife,’ he says, mildly. ‘Although I fail to see how that’s anyone’s business but ours.’ 

There’s a stir, but Yoongi’s lost interest. He turns away from the bar, heads straight for where you are in the middle of the room. 

The smile on your face when you see him does a lot to curb his irritation. 

‘Yoongi,’ you say, hand on his arm. ‘They’re about to serve food.’ 

Your touch eases his annoyance, soothes him the way it always has. 

‘Let’s get you something to eat, jagiya,’ Yoongi says. 

He holds out his arm, feeling the familiar sense of connection thrumming through him as you slip your hand in the crook of it. 

It’s everything. 

***

Yoongi pulls out of the hotel, signals to turn towards home. 

‘Did you have a nice time, Yoongi?’ you ask. 

You’re leaning back against the seat, face tilted to his, half-shadowed in the darkness of the car. 

‘I liked it,’ Yoongi replies. ‘You should invite me to more of these things.’ 

‘You’re welcome to come anytime,’ you say. 

‘I will,’ Yoongi says. 

‘I heard that you stood up for us at the bar,’ you begin, a little hesitant. 

Yoongi glances at you in the rearview mirror. 

‘You know about that?’ he asks, quietly. 

‘People talk a lot of shit,’ you say. Yoongi doesn’t know if you’re consciously doing it, but your shoulders are squared, and there’s a stubborn tilt to your chin now. 

He’s never loved you more. 

‘They do,’ agrees Yoongi. 

You’re both quiet as he drives. 

It’s only when he parks up, at your home, that you speak again. 

‘Thank you for coming with me,’ you say. 

There’s a beat, two of searing eye contact.

Then Yoongi reaches out, cups the back of your head, and takes the kiss he’s wanted all night. 

You melt into his arms like you’ve been waiting for exactly this. 

‘Let’s go to bed,’ Yoongi murmurs, lips against your skin. 

***

Yoongi’s different tonight, holding you with an urgency you haven’t felt from him before. He’s focused completely on you, and as much as you love it, love him, you can’t help but wonder if there’s something behind it. 

You cup his face as he leans over you. 

‘Hey,’ you say. ‘You know we have all night?’ 

Yoongi’s hand stills on your side. 

‘Am I rushing?’ 

‘I’m just saying I’m here, Yoongi, I’m not going anywhere.’ 

Yoongi closes his eyes, leans into your hand, shudders out a breath. 

‘What’s wrong?’ you ask. ‘Is there a game on you don’t want to miss?’ 

Yoongi doesn’t even crack a smile. 

‘Do you love me?’ 

You blink at his question. ‘What?’ 

Yoongi waits. 

‘I don’t hate you,’ you say, trying to inject some levity into the situation because his seriousness is scaring you. 

Yoongi drops his head, groans into your neck. 

‘I love you,’ you assure him. You roll your hips under his. ‘I don’t put out for just any chaebol asshole.’ 

Yoongi lifts his head, searches your face. ‘I don’t deserve you,’ he says. 

‘That’s true,’ you say airily as he kisses his way down your neck. 

His mouth skims over the skin of your sternum, lips soft, reverent. 

‘Aren’t you going to ask me if I love you?’ he asks, lips poised over the round of your breast. 

His question pulls you out of your pleasured haze. 

Again, the image of Yoongi and Park Gyuri flashes into your head. 

The truth is, you’re too scared to ask. You know, in your heart, that you would love Yoongi no matter what, and you’re not ready to face that truth right now. 

So you smile at your husband and say, ‘Just show me.’ 

He does. 

***

You’re passing by Yoongi’s study when you notice the door is ajar. 

Yoongi raises a brow at you. ‘Come in, I have something for you.’ 

You frown at him suspiciously. ‘Is it your dick?’ 

Yoongi says, ‘Always, but I have something else too.’ 

You take a seat next to him on the sofa you always sit together on when you visit him. 

Yoongi reaches into the breast pocket of his jacket, hands you a jewelry box. 

You meet his gaze apprehensively. 

‘Is it a matching necklace?’ 

Yoongi just shakes his head. ‘Open it.’ 

You lift the lid on the box, and stop. 

It’s another bracelet, except this one is exquisitely carved jade, delicate and so perfect you’re afraid to touch it. 

Yoongi says, quietly, ‘I got this and the other bracelet at the same time. I chose the other one to give to you, but this one’s always reminded me more of you.’ 

You blink up at him. ‘Yoongi, it’s perfect.’ 

‘I know you like jade,’ Yoongi says. He picks up the bracelet, and you hold out your wrist as he clasps the bracelet around it. 

‘It reminds me of my mother,’ you say. 

Yoongi’s hands are gentle on your wrist. 

You catch sight of a sheet of note card under the silken lining of the box. 

It’s a list, in your husband’s handwriting. 

‘What’s this?’ you ask, skimming through it, curious. 

‘Didn’t you make one like this, a couple years ago?’ Yoongi asks. He’s not looking at you now. ‘It’s all the things I have to make up to you.’ 

Your heart stops. 

Thoughts race through your head, you can barely see the words on the card even though his handwriting is neat, beautiful. 

You’ve never asked him the question in your heart, and your husband’s answered it anyway. 

He knows you better than you ever thought he did. 

You press your lips together, trying to hold back the tears. 

‘I didn’t write them down,’ you say, finally. ‘I just worked off the top of my head.’ 

‘Yeah?’ Yoongi asks. He’s leaning close now, so close that if you turned your face your lips would meet. 

‘Yeah.’

Yoongi says, ‘I’m not sure what order to do them in. Can you help?’ 

You turn into his kiss, and it’s as lovely as it ever was. 

God, you love him. 

‘Yeah, I can help you with that,’ you tell him. 

You can feel the curve of his lips against yours, the rumble of amusement in his chest. 

‘Great. We should get started,’ he murmurs against your skin. ‘I need to win your heart, because I really don’t think any of this is worth it, without you.’ 

‘Goddamn it, Yoongi, looks like you’re a romantic after all,’ you tease. 

Yoongi reaches out, thumbs the tears off your cheeks. 

‘Looks like you’ve made me into one,’ he agrees. 

©hamsterclaw 2023

1: the confession // series m.list

note: been daydreaming abt this jk... enj <3

taglist request: send a request with the title of this fic “aao” // DO NOT comment here or on the masterlist . it gets confusing and i prefer answering and tagging through asks !!!

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fic taglist: @peterstarkchrishiddleston

//

The library is your favourite place. 

At least, that is until your predictable love for it comes to a disadvantage. May your tranquil moments alone rest in peace as your friends corner and gaslight you to leaving your sanctuary. Sometimes, it’s for parties. Other times, it’s for something stupid like driving to the next town to watch a movie at their theatre because their theatre chairs recline better. 

You won’t have it this time. 

No way. You have so much work to do!

"Oh, come on! Please, ___?” Hobi begs. “Come tonight! It'll be fun!" Suddenly, he’s clinging to your arm, making it harder for you to ignore him. You try shaking him off, but he pouts at you and clings on even tighter. 

“Hobi,” you whine. “Go to the party if you wanna go. Jimin said he’d meet you there! And Nam Joon, and Taehyung, Jin, and even Yoongi!” 

“But I want you to come!” He cries. “I need someone to keep count of my drinks—”

“Use a marker and tally it on your arm.”

“But then what if I need to throw up—”

“Then throw up.”

“... Jungkook will be there!”

You blink at him. 

“So?”

Hobi lets go of your arm and raises a brow at you. “What do you mean so? Isn't he your boyfriend?”

His accusation has you tongue-tied. This is the first time you’ve ever heard such an absurd thing! Jungkook became a part of the friendgroup after you. He’s the newbie. Actually, he has a whole other set of friends aside from you guys. Why? Because he’s cool. That’s it. Everyone on campus knows him and truth be told; he deserves his hype. He’s good-looking, kind, and a little weird (in a good way). He’s funny and smart (but not in an obnoxious way)... He’s just… Kind of good at everything? It intimidates you and often leaves you daydreaming. 

Come to think of it, everything happens by coincidence. Yours and his lectures usually start and end around the same time. Not to mention that he also loves the library! He usually walks you home after your study sessions. But, yeah… Aside from these things—you and Jungkook aren’t actually that close.

“W-what? I’m not dating Jungkook! Doesn’t he have a girlfriend?” you ask, careful not to sound too noisy. 

Hobi shakes his head. “Girlfriend? Yeah… You.”

Your eyes widen.

In a panic, you hiss at Hobi. “Don’t start rumours! That’s embarrassing for him to be associated with me—”

“Oh shut up,” Hobi laughs. “Do not get all insecure and pick me when the campus crush has literally been drooling over the past few weeks. Everybody knows. Everybody talks about it! Besides, they talk about him being all lovestruck—not you! So, spill it. What did you do, huh? Did you manifest it or some shit—”

“With all the time I spend in class, work, and the library… You think I have time to manifest?” you chuckle at him, ultimately trying to dismiss his suspicion. 

Hobi rolls his eyes at you. 

“For someone who reads fanfics and book loads of romance stories… You’re dense as fuck.”

Tilting your head at him, you try to find the words to defend yourself and fail. 

He’s right. 

You are dense. 

But that never hurt anyone before… So why does it matter?

“Earth to ___?” Hobi waves his hands to your face. You blink, brushing your thoughts away. Offering him a tired smile, he looks at you weirdly. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” you exhale. “Why?”

“You’re blushing like crazy,” he teases, poking your cheek. Your hands fly to your cheeks. He’s right. They feel warm and the sudden embarrassment just made you feel even more flustered. Then, he nudges you. 

“Get it together!” Hobi mutters, “Your boyfriend is coming!"

Turning your head, you see Jungkook making his way through the doors. He has his backpack on one shoulder and his eyes glued to his phone. Like muscle memory, he turns his heels and walks toward your direction. 

“Oh my god,” you hit Hobi’s arm. “Why did you plant these thoughts when he’s literally—”

“Plant thoughts? Babes, it’s reality. Helllooooo?” Hobi sings, tauntingly. 

You pout at him, unable to take this lighthearted. 

Then, before you know it, Jungkook approaches you. 

He pulls the seat next to you out and settles in. After offering a fist bump to Hobi, he quickly leans his body over and places his hand on your knee. He’s always done this but why was it suddenly so different now? It’s because of what Hobi said! Wow… 

“Hey, you.” Jungkook greets you warmly.

“... H-hi.”

He gives you a weird look. You avoid his eyes in return. Clearing his throat, he asks, “Why aren’t you packed up yet? Aren't we going to the party?”

Jungkook eyes your spread of notes on the table. You clunch your iPad closer to you and shrug. “Packed for what? Aren’t you going to the party?”

“Yeah, ___!” Hobi chimes cheekily. “Aren’t you going to the party?”

Hesitantly, you shake your head. 

“N-no… I have too much work to do. Here! I’ll just—” you pause your sentence and reach for Hobi’s arm. Pushing his sleeve up, you take the sharpie from your pencil case and write on his arm. 

If piss drunk, please return to ___. 

(xxx) xxx-xxxx &lt;3

Hobi reads it sideways and yanks his arm back. 

“I hate you,” he utters. With laser eyes, he glares at Jungkook. “Tell her you’re coming to the party. Drag her to come! She’s always here! Homework can wait for tomorrow!”

Jungkook exchanges looks with you. With a soft gaze, he shrugs and turns to Hobi. 

“She doesn’t wanna go.”

Hobi groans. 

“Fine. Let’s go. Let’s leave—”

“I’m staying,” Jungkook says calmly. "She's not going... Neither am I."

He picks his backpack up from the ground and begins to unzip it. Taking out his notes and laptop, he looks up and smiles at Hobi. “Can I see your arm?”

Huffing, Hobi shows Jungkook your note. As Hobi rambles on and on about how you and Jungkook are party poopers, Jungkook takes your Sharpie and crosses your number out. 

If piss drunk, please return to ___. 

(xxx) xxx-xxxx &lt;3

(xxx) xxx-xxxx - Jungkook

For the second time tonight, Hobi reads his arm sideways and yanks it back. He squints at the unfamiliar number. 

“Why’d you cross her number out? Whose number is this?” Hobi asks. 

“Mine,” Jungkook states, smiling at the correction. “Call me if you need anything.”

“What? Why?”

Jungkook blinks. “I’m not really crazy about ___’s number being on your arm for other guys to have and call her with.”

Hobi’s mouth drops. He slowly turns to you and gulps. Blinking at you slowly, he gives you crazy eyes. “You can not be this dense, ___. Jungkook is literally ripping me into shreds in his head right now—”

You laugh.

“Go. Have fun! Call me if you need anything.”

Hobi turns to Jungkook. 

Jungkook smiles at him sweetly with his eyes closed. He shakes his head slowly and wiggles his finger at him. “Don’t let them use her number.”

With that, Hobi grumbles a few exchanges before packing his stuff up. He waves goodbye and tells you that you’re lame one last time. You agree with him and wave him goodbye. As he leaves, Jungkook moves his chair closer to you. 

“So… Same schedule? Study until 9PM and then I walk you home? Or are you hungry tonight? Maybe we can wrap this up by 7:30PM and grab a bite to eat? I know a really good burger spot just up campus—why’d you do that?”

Your body stiffens.

“Do what?”

Jungkook eyes your chair distance. 

“You moved away.”

What the heck… How did he even notice? It’s not like you moved across the table! You just moved like… Half an inch. 

“No, I didn’t,” you deny. “But yeah… Sure! I’ve been craving a good burger with extra cheese—what are you doing?”

“I’m moving closer to you.”

“Why?”

“Because you lied to my face and moved away.”

“N-no!” 

Jungkook inches his face closer to yours. He boops your nose and scrunches his. “You sniff whenever you lie. Did you know that?”

“N-no…”

“Now you do.”

For the first time ever… You lose your breath. It’s like you forgot how to breathe. He’s so close to you. His eyes are so doey, you’re literally getting lost in them. The scar he has on his left cheek… You can see it so clearly—the detail of how his skin healed and all. His hair is brushing above his eyebrows and you can’t help but realize how much you like the way it falls on his face. He’s… Cute?

Oh god. 

“D-dont do that—uhh—” You move away from him. This time, there’s an obvious space between you two. Jungkook straightens his posture, completely confused by your burst of emotion. It’s… Conflicting? He swears you two were about to kiss… Now, what’s going on?

“___? What’s wrong?” Jungkook asks with a gentle tone. 

You turn away and shove your notes to your face. Mumbling into the paper, you tell him what’s on your mind. “Everyone thinks you have a crush on me and it’s embarrassing.”

Jungkook doesn’t hear you well. 

“Say that again,” he requests. Without warning, he takes the paper from your hands, leaving you to face him. “Don’t act all cute. What is it?”

You stay silent and contemplate.

Was this worth saying? Was this worth addressing? Would it change anything between you two after? What about the burgers? You’ve been craving a cheesy burger like crazy—

“It’s fine if you don’t feel comfortable. You can tell me later or never. I don’t mean to be pushy—”

Then, you blurt it out. 

“Everyone thinks you have a crush on me… Or something.” 

Jungkook doesn’t flinch. He doesn’t hold his breath. 

He doesn’t deny it. 

“I do have a crush on you.”

Your throat feels try. What?! Has he lost his mind?

“W-what? You can’t j-just—”

Jungkook tilts his head and pouts. 

“I don’t really understand why I should deny it. Why should I lie? Why should I make an excuse? This is how I feel. You just found out earlier than the confession… I guess this is it though, right?” He laughs. 

You hit his chest. 

“This isn’t funny!”

“Why can’t it be funny?” Jungkook laughs even harder. He catches your wrist and holds you still. “Doesn’t it make you laugh? That everybody on campus watched me wait outside your classes every day for almost 3 months… That everybody waits on me to go to parties but I don’t show up because I rather walk you home and stay home… That everybody on campus watched me enter this goddamn library of a snoozefest—”

“Hey! I like it here.”

“Yeah,” he rolls his eyes at you. “I like you. That’s why I’m here.”

“I… I thought you wanted to study.”

Jungkook laughs even louder, earning a few hushes from others nearby. He groans, throwing his head back. “I can’t even fucking laugh in here without getting in trouble. Why the hell would I like this place?”

“... To study!”

“To be with you.” 

You shut up. 

No words, no thoughts, no feelings. 

Okay…

Feelings. Lots of them. 

“I don’t understand why you’re so overwhelmed,” Jungkook murmurs, leaning his head against your shoulders. “I thought you knew. I thought you figured it out by now. I wasn't exactly discrete."

You sit still, not knowing if you should move or let him settle in. Before you can decide, he sits himself up and grabs your hand. He squeezes it tightly and brings it to his lips. Kissing your hand, he looks at you. 

“Doesn’t matter if you’re dense. Doesn’t matter if you don’t know how you feel right now. I’ll win you over… You’ll fold."

You yank your hand away from him. In response, he leans over and kisses the side of your head instead. You blush, and cover your face with your hands. He laughs heartily, tugging you close to him. You bury your face in his chest and groan at the sinking feeling of wanting to be anywhere but here. This was humiliating!

And just when you think it can't get any worse, Jungkook wraps his arms around you and hugs you tight. As he pats your back, he murmurs—

"You're falling for me already, aren't you?"