I Gotta Make My Own Food Around Here. No One Helps In This Kitchen

I gotta make my own food around here. No one helps in this kitchen

SY transmigrates early, system beta test or something, does the wandering cultivator thing for a few decades, realizes the strays he picked up have formed a sect and he's the leader and no he doesn't get a choice in the matter

In terms of most powerful cultivators, SY is #10 in the cultivation world, but his sect is seen very poorly because, well, it's made up of strays and he encourages any noble kids to go to HHP because he needs to save his resources for kids who need him

Yue Qi and Shen Jiu get picked up by one of SY's staples and brought in. Their potential is insane and after a little training and researching current events he's pretty sure this "Yue" and "Shen" belong in CQM.

But it's already been 3 years. The boys aren't interested in sex yet, but they have been mommy-wife beamed thoroughly and fight him when he tells them he's made special arrangements with the CQM sect leader to accept them

He pulls the whole "Don't you want to be strong?" Schtick and they are not happy, but they are children and easily carried by a cultivator of his caliber

Shen Jiu swears revenge and SY breathes a sigh of relief that things are finally back on track.

But he misses them and tries to lose himself in traveling and oh no, this poor demonic snake is injured! (Fully juiced up by TLJ zzl just took snake form to lick his wounds more safely bc he's in the human realm) Zzl is fully prepared to transform and eat SY whole, but instead sy is very very gentle, asks permission before touching and coaxes the injured Zzl to last in the warm inside of his arm within his sleeve.

Sadly, Zzl has duties to his lord once he's healed, but he'll be back for this cultivator. Blah blah, plot happens, SY scoops up baby bingy (and the washer woman) and plants them in his sect, intending to send LBH off to CQM at the appropriate time.

He realizes his interference might have made SJ less of an asshole in general, but he DID swear revenge so maybe that's the angle the abuse will take.

Joke's on him, the first thing YQY does when the Qing generation steps up is strong arm SY into an alliance marriage. Shen Jiu becomes first wife.

(YQY isn't legally married for political reasons, but as SJ explains while dragging him into the marital bed, they are a set)

Zzl actively seeks SY out for help with TLJ and while SY can't do anything about that, he fishes up a plot amulet that gives Zzl free shapeshifting.

Zzl insists marriage is the only way to repay SY (tlj's advice) and eventually SY caves.

Wife count: 3

LQG has never met SY but heard rumors about him being a celestial fairy or wherever, so he's concerned SJ is treating him poorly and follows SJ to his marital sect. He catches SY on the way out to hunt some great beast

Wife count: 4

airplane as a cosmic force in the pidw universe except in a spinozic sense where he is one and the same with every being and thing without any real conscious control on airplane’s part. and this explains why everyone loves shen yuan so much. in their original world shen yuan was the one person that wanted more for airplane and airplane fell deeply in love with him, this witty insane caring person that stayed with him from pidw’s conception, and that love is imbued into the world. the people of pidw can’t help but be drawn to shen yuan. love for shen yuan is literally part of their essence. even the storms and the sun are gentler for shen yuan. not that shen yuan notices the affection he so naturally engenders or the little pocket of temperateness that follows him where ever he goes. and not that airplane himself is even consciously aware that that is what's happening either. just a thought to entertain x

[Beauty and the beast bingqiu]

LBH, human: "Shizun! We've broken the curse! No longer will you have to suffer the indignity of loving a beast!"

SQQ, a monsterfucker: [gross sobbing]

Shizun Binghe would be so freaking mad that Shang Qinghua is friends with Shen Yuan.

Okay see the most dangerous think about Shang qinghua being shen yuans friend is that binghe doesn't understand the appeal. With mu qingfang he's always worried mqf will abuse his authority as a doctor to feel up shen yuans body, or he sees shen yuan praising Liu qingges fighting skills and nearly goes crazy.

But Shang qinghua is the only person shen yuan will be outwardly rude with. They share secret letters. They're from the same hometown, and sometimes talk in its unintelligible dialect. They say they've known each other for years. The way they're so obviously close but don't feign politeness makes binghe SO envious. That should be HIM and shen yuan bickering like an old married couple. He hates it.

Binghe: Shang qinghua is one of your spies isn't he

Mobei jun: yes

Binghe: interrogate him. Torture him if you must. We need to find out what "memes" are and why they make shen yuan laugh so easily-

Mobei: they're jokes

Binghe: YOU ALREADY KNOW!?

They're all ambushed on a night hunt and the bandit leader says he'll allow binghe to surrender. Binghe looks dead at shen yuan and says "nah I'd win." Shen yuan is choking screaming . It's so corny. He's so bad at this. The protagonist is like an old person trying to be relatable to the youth. Its terrible. It's amazing.

Okay guys I have an extremely important post to make.

Firstly, Shen Yuan in his old life. I firmly believe Shen Yuan was 5'6 and here's why.

Average men's height (both worldwide and Chinese) is 5'7. Shen Yuan would not care that he's one inch shorter than average bc that's too small to care about.

Now imagine an au where he does not transmigrate into shen jiu, and the system half-assedly just makes a model using his old body. BUT this is a fantasy setting where all men are absurdly tall and all women look like models.

Speaking of models, most professional models are very tall:

So here's Shen Yuan, a man who has never cared about masculinity that much before, all of a sudden surrounded by:

Luo Binghe (6'2)

Yue Qingyuan (6'2)

Liu Qingge (6'1)

Shen Jiu (6'0)

AIRPLANE (5'9)

Many of Binghe’s love interests (5'9)

And then him.... (5'6)

All of a sudden "one inch less than average" is very embarrassing for him (and very adorable to everyone in love with him)

Modern Shen Twins AU

SJ teaches literature and reading at a 'prepare for university' level. He's evil, always gets tons of complaints, but the school can't argue with the results. (And systemic child abuse, tiger parents,etc, etc)

Well, his totally platonic 'roommate' Yue Qi gets in a bad car accident and SJ has to be a full time carer, but the school won't give him time off, so he calls in didi to cover for him at work.

(SY's main job is freelance consulting and he's gotten a lot of lucky big jobs so he's okay on money and can sub for a while)

Anyway, the school staff are fooled bc SY has listened to ge complain about them enough to aim enough spite and snark their way, but the students think they're having a stroke

Teacher Shen is suddenly treating them like his own precious puppies (though his marking standards and expectations are the same)

LBH is cooked in two days.

Day one, he thinks it's a trap.

Day two he gets a head pat and it's all over.