List Of Values And Priorities

List of Values and Priorities

When you want to practice a DBT Skill like ABC (Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions, Build Mastery, and Cope Ahead), it’s very important to first figure out what your values and priorities are.  By being able to clearly identify some core values and priorities, you’ll be able to know where to direct your energy when working to Accumulate Positive Experiences/Emotions most importantly, but these values and priorities can also give you guidance when working to Build Mastery and to Cope Ahead as well.

In order to reduce our emotional vulnerability, we often have to first try to tailor our behaviour to be more in line with our values and priorities.  These are the things that guide us, that can help us clarify our identities or recognize a shift in our identity, and adapt our lives to fit where we currently are as people with needs that must be met in order to build a life that we want to live. 

It’s okay if our values and priorities shift and change and are not absolutely set in stone.  Circumstances change, and we as people change as well.  But it’s important to be mindful of these changes and how those changes may necessitate a re-evaluation of our values and priorities, and how we intend to work towards building a life that places those things at the centre of them.

As mentioned previously, this list most importantly applies when you’re working on the “A” sub-Skill of the ABC Skill, particularly when you’re working towards Accumulating Positive Experiences/Emotions in the Long Term.  This list is by no means exhaustive, and you may have values or priorities that are not listed here.  Those values and priorities are still valid. This list is only meant to be a guide, especially for people who have trouble putting these needs and desires into concrete concepts and words.

The Big List of Values and Priorities:

A.  Attend to Relationships

Repair old relationships

Reach out for new relationships

Work on current relationships; feel secure in current relationships

End destructive or unhealthy relationships

Other: ____________

B.  Be part of a group

Have close and satisfying relationships with others

Feel a sense of belonging; feel accepted and welcome and respected

Receive affection and love

Be involved and intimate with others; have and keep close friends

Have a family; stay close to and spend time with family members

Have people to do things with

Other: ___________

C.  Be powerful and able to influence others

Have the authority to approve or disapprove of what people do, or to control how resources are used

Be a leader

Make a great deal of money

Be respected by others; surround myself with people who respect me

Be seen by others as successful; become well known; obtain recognition and status

Compete successfully with others

Be popular and accepted

Be a trendsetter

Other: ___________

D.  Achieve things in life

Achieve significant goals; be involved in undertakings I believe are significant

Be productive

Work towards goals; work hard; have a good and recognized work-ethic

Be ambitious

Other: ___________

E.  Live a life of pleasure and satisfaction

Have a good time

Seek fun and things that give pleasure

Have free time; have the freedom to do what I enjoy

Enjoy the work I do

Other: ___________

F.  Keep life full of exciting events, relationships, and things

Try new and different things in life

Be daring and adventurous; seek out and pursue new adventures

Have an exciting life; have a “life lived to the fullest”

Build positive memories of exciting experiences that feel good to remember; be able to reminisce with others about unique experiences; have good stories to tell in the end

Other: ____________

G.  Behave respectfully

Be humble and modest; do not draw unnecessary attention to myself

Follow and honour traditions and customs

Behave as my culture (or family, or social group) expects of me

Follow the rules; do not cheat or gain an unfair advantage over others

Treat others well; be fair; be gracious; be kind

Other: ____________

H.  Be self-directed

Follow my own path in life

Be innovative, think of new ideas, and be creative

Make my own decisions and be free

Be independent; take care of myself and those I am responsible for

Have freedom of thought and action; be able to act in terms of my own priorities

Assert my boundaries firmly and have them be respected; do not compromise my boundaries or values for another person’s wishes; do not tolerate violations of my boundaries

Maintain my self-respect

Other: ____________

I.  Be a spiritual person

Make room in life for spirituality; live life according to spiritual principles

Practice a religion or faith

Be an active part of a spiritual community

Grow in understanding of myself, my personal calling, and life’s real purpose

Discern and do the will of my Deity/Deities/Higher Power and find lasting meaning in life

Other: ____________

J.  Be secure

Live in secure and safe surroundings; live in an environment with minimal stressors or triggers

Feel safe and secure in my relationships or community; be surrounded by people who make you feel safe

Maintain my health: Be physically healthy and fit; take care of myself in order to maintain my health or minimize/not exacerbate my illness; seek and receive appropriate treatment for any ailment, illness, or disability in order to improve my quality of life

Maintain a good quality of life for myself

Have a steady income that meets my own and my family’s basic needs; secure some form of long-term financial security for retirement, for my children’s education, for unexpected illness or disability, etc.

Other: ____________

K.  Recognize the universal good of all things

Be fair, treat people equally, and provide equal opportunities

Understand different people; be open-minded

Care for nature and the environment

Work to improve the quality of life of others

Other: ____________

L.  Contribute to the larger community

Help people and those in need; care for others’ well-being; improve society

Be mindful of societal or systemic inequality and work to correct it; be an activist for social or political or economic change

Be loyal to friends and devoted to close people; be committed to a group that shares my beliefs, values, and ethical principles

Be committed to a cause or to a group that has a larger purpose beyond my own

Make sacrifices for others

Other: ____________

M.  Work at self-development

Develop a personal philosophy of life

Learn and do challenging things that help me grown and mature as a human being

Strive for self-improvement in my work, in my hobbies, in my relationships

Be dedicated to self-discovery and obtaining knowledge of my self

Learn new things

Work towards recovery; work towards self-acceptance and self-love

Work diligently to unlearn harmful or maladaptive thoughts, beliefs, and behaviours; ask for help when I need it; seek out resources to help me obtain my goals

Other: ____________

N.  Have integrity

Be honest, and acknowledge and stand up for my personal beliefs and boundaries

Be a responsible person; keep my word to others; don’t make promises I can’t keep but keep the ones I do make

Be courageous in facing and living life, especially in the face of challenges and setbacks 

Be a person who pays debts to others and repairs damage I have caused

Be accepting of myself; be kind to myself; learn self-love

Maintain my self-respect; assert my boundaries and stand by them

Make the best of what you have; live without regrets

Accept life as it is; live without resentment

Other: ____________

And there it is, the Big List of Values and Priorities.  It is very big despite not covering all the possible values people may have, but I’ve tried to expand on the list in the DBT Skills Training Manual to include some key ones that I think were neglected, but I’m obviously biased towards values I hold for myself.  Again, if one of your personal values or priorities isn’t on this list, that does not in any way make your values or priorities invalid or unimportant.

On a good day, go through this list and pick two or three general categories of values and four to six specific values that you feel are most important to you.  Try and determine which of these shortlisted values are the most important to you, and rank the values you’ve chosen from highest priority to lesser priority to work towards.  From there, you can start to brainstorm ideas for how you can go about living in accordance to these values, or the things you need to do to centre your life around these values. 

Remember, values exist to give us guidance, especially when we feel directionless or lost.  They are often core beliefs held by ourselves that can provide direction when we’re not sure what to do in a given situation.  They can help us choose which path to take.  However, sometimes values conflict, and you may have to sacrifice one for the sake of another–usually you would follow the one that most strongly aligns with your long-term goals, but sometimes it’s hard to see which one that really is.  Using your Wise Mind can help you come to the best conclusion.

-Pandora

How to love yourself <3

woag! i didnt know that and i already forgoted what you told me

i won’t say anything weird anymore i prommy (different way of saying promise)

clay club