Whats Your Hoard

whats your hoard

from iguanamouth

How to deal with street cats

Be nice to them. They’re doing an important job. Do not chase them, grab them or harass them. 

Always bring some food with you, it’s just polite. 

Approach them slowly, and let them come to you. Sometimes you might have to sit on the ground and tap it a few times. This is what you brought food for. 

At some point after you have managed to touch the cat it will turn and sprint away. This is when you start following it.

Cats do not want you to get lost, but they can be fast. Never lose sight of them, you should stay with it until your return. This might still look like your usual street but you are in a liminal space already. Try not to get lost. 

(NOTE: do not follow cats with mismatched eyes. You can pet them, but the moment they run away you should immediately turn your back to them and walk in the opposite direction.)

Black cats:

Follow black cats into the floor-level vents. Don’t worry, there are many spider webs but there aren’t any spiders.

Do not lose sight of them in the dark.

When you emerge, you will be in the same street you were before, but there will be no people to be found.

Do not stray, follow your cat. Sometimes it might want to just catch a bird and go back. Do not stay longer just to explore.

 If you hear the sound of a crowd in the distance do not try to follow it. Your cat will never lead you there.

You can take anything with you but you cannot take pictures or record video or sound.

Orange cats:

Orange cats hang around train stations for a reason. Follow them into the next train. You will not need a ticket.

If the cat wants you to scratch its ears during the trip, do it.

The landscape will not look like the area around your town.  Do not panic - this is normal.

The people in the train will not speak a language you understand or recognize, but they will have clothes and devices similar to yours. They are usually nice.

Get down at the same stop as your cat. You will not understand the name of the station, and no one will get off in the same station as yours. You should follow your cat, but it will never leave the station. Follow it into the next train to get back home.

Never stay in the train. Never wait for the last stop.

White cats:

White cats live on the edges. They will take you to many places but at the same time they will never take you anywhere.

If you meet them during the night-time, the sun will start rising, regardless of the time. If you meet them during the daytime, the sun will start setting. It will stay like this for the duration of the trip.

Follow them to the edge of a forest that smells like honeysuckle. You will hear the song of birds and the flow of water. You should never stray and enter the forest on your own. Your cat will not follow.

Follow them to a building where a fancy party is being held at. Through the windows you can see the food and the champagne. The guests will ask you to join them, but your cat will keep walking. Do not accept the invitation, and never eat the food or drink the champagne.

Follow them along the edge of a swimming pool. People will be bathing, playing and laughing. It will be hot, regardless of the season. Do not step too close to the edge, because they will try to grab your ankles and pull you into the water. Keep walking.

Once the sun finally sets or rises you will be back home. Never enter your house until you are completely sure the sky is changing.

Calico cats:

Calico cats are the safest. They will follow you instead.

Walk around your town and you will see everything is the same, but you will not be able to make the connections between the streets.

If you want to go to a certain place you will find it is no longer where it used to be.

You will not recognize anyone. Every single person in the street will be a stranger. They are not dangerous but do not look them directly in the eyes.

Never try to find your house. Because you will find it.

When you want to come back take the cat back where you found it. This might be more difficult than you expect.

Remember to always take some food with you, something make of iron, and comfortable shoes.

And remember to always be nice to the cats!

[if you like my writing consider buying me a coffee? your girl works night shifts ;u;]  @senshi76 gave me the suggestion for this one!

Can you please do me a favour and reblog this if you think people with acne and acne scars can still be attractive?

I’d really appreciate it. Thank you.

shit my criminal justice professor has pulled

On the second week of class wore a baseball cap and sunglasses and attempted to go undercover within the students before class started just to “catch wind” of the latest gossip

wore a maternity dress over his regular clothes and then another layer of regular clothes on top of that just to make a joke in the middle of class by stripping down to the maternity dress

This thing called “Mowen dollars” which is just a piece of paper with his face on it that counts as extra credit if you turn it in with a test or paper

Called us his “little ducklings” on multiple occasions

Told us to flip off the class in the hall as we were leaving because they interrupted the middle of his lecture

Also has this thing called “infinite generosity” where if you ask him to do something he won’t say no

For example, we can now use notes on every exam

Constantly photoshops his face onto pictures on his powerpoints

Got a speeding ticket and went to court to argue it with science about inclines and how it artificially adds speed to a car when they’re going down. 

Lost the case and had to pay the ticket anyways. 

 Used his infinite generosity to grant us the option of actually turning in our final term paper without repercussions

 Bargained with us that if 84% of the class responded to the teacher survey sent out by the university we could basically take the final test as a class

Has had the highest rate of teacher survey response in the department for 4 years running and considers it a personal victory

Took multiple pictures of the armored trucks that our local police department has purchased from his home while only wearing underwear

In his infinite generosity, he made the final term paper optional because some kid asked him to like a week before it was supposed to be due

GUYS THE YURI!!! ON STAGE EVENT IS IN A FEW HOURS, AND LOOK AT THIS, “with a WISH” made wedding tuxedo suits, collaboration exclusively for YOI, I CAN’T.

(source.)