Richard Siken / Barbara Kruger

richard siken / barbara kruger

𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑮𝑶𝑶𝑫 𝑷𝑳𝑨𝑪𝑬 .    (   sentence  starters  originating  from  season  one  of  ‘ the good place ’ .   adjust  pronouns  as  necessary ,  mature themes are present!)

❛  oh ,  one question.  where  am  i ,  who  are  you ,  and  what’s  going  on ?  ❜ ❛  cool .  cool .   i  have  some  questions .  ❜ ❛  are  you  sure  you  want  to  hear ?  ❜ ❛  cool ,  bring  it  in ,  man !  ❜ ❛  you’ll  stand  by  my  side  no  matter  what ,  right ?  ❜ ❛  promise  me .  say  it :  “ i  promise  i  will  never  betray  you  for  any  reason ”  ❜ ❛  somebody  forked  up .  ❜ ❛  i  mean ,  you  do  get  how  that’s  worse ,  right ?  ❜ ❛  maybe  it’s  not …  ACTUALLY  all  that  bad .  ❜ ❛  i’m  just  asking  you  to  fudge  a  little  bit !  ❜ ❛  i  have  a  stomachache .  ❜ ❛  that’s  ‘ fun ’ .  ❜ ❛  okay ,  that’s  really  specific  and  makes  me  think  that  you  definitely  did  do  that .  ❜ ❛  what  a  condescending  bench .  ❜ ❛  let’s  just  face  it ,  [ name ] ,  you  don’t  belong  here !  ❜ ❛  this  is  a  putrid ,  disgusting  bowl  of  ethical  soup .  ❜ ❛  that  was  my  first  time  as  a  fashion  “ don’t ”  and  i  was  NOT  here  for  it .  ❜ ❛  you’re  the  most  self - obsessed  person  i’ve  ever  met .  ❜ ❛  time  to  pick  a  designated  driver .  ❜ ❛  before  you  say  anything …  that’s  it ,  i  just  don’t  want  you  to  say  anything .  ❜ ❛  we’re  gonna  bang  it  out .  ❜ ❛  okay ,  i  won’t  let  you  down …  starting  now .  ❜ ❛  remind  me  what  i’m  getting  out  of  this  again ?  ❜ ❛  oh ,  so  NOW  i’m  supposed  to  be  nice  and  make  friends ?  ❜ ❛  i’m  telling  you ,  [ name’s ]  out  to  get  me .  ❜ ❛  i’ve  got  something  you  could  slip  into .  ❜ ❛  of  course ,   the  opposite  might  be  true .  ❜ ❛  huh !  what  do  you  think  that  means ?  ❜ ❛  throwing  sand  is  an  excellent  way  to  put  out  a  vodka  fire .  ❜ ❛  good  people  make  me  insecure .  ❜ ❛  i  would  LOVE  not  to  listen  to  you .  ❜ ❛  that’s  a  very ,  very  bad  idea .  do  NOT  be  yourself .  ❜ ❛  i  said  a  lot  of  other  nice  things ,  toughen  up ,  nerd .  ❜ ❛  it’s  nothing ,  it’s  a  tiny  little  inconvenience .  ❜ ❛  dude ,  you’re  hiding  something !  what’s  wrong ?  ❜ ❛  what’s  wrong ,  what’s wrong ,  what’s wrong ,  what’s  wrong ?  ❜ ❛  what  have  you  done  to  me ,  you  monster ?  ❜ ❛  you  are …  unbelievable .  ❜ ❛  get  your  story  straight ,  bro .  ❜ ❛  i  am  VEXED ,  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  you  have  nothing  to  prove ,   not  to  anybody .  ❜ ❛  i  know  we’ll  never  be  soul  mates ,   but  we’re  friends .  ❜ ❛  i’ve  never  actually  done  this  before ,  it  was  a  theoretical  fantasy -  ❜ ❛  ‘ dEspitE yOuR cONsTaNt MocKerY ~ ’  ❜ ❛  i  once  posed  as  a  hot  prom  date  for  my  cousin .  ❜ ❛  i  even  watched  all  ten  seasons  of  the  show  ‘friends’ .  ❜ ❛  if  i  feel  sympathy  for  anybody ,  it’s  [ name ] .  ❜ ❛  what  is  all  this  junk ?  ❜ ❛  you  devious  little  monsters ,  you .  ❜ ❛  you  have  a  very  ‘ psycho  burnout  guy  mumbling  to  himself  at  a  library  computer ’  type  of  vibe .  ❜ ❛  this  is  gonna  help  both  of  us !  ❜ ❛  we  should  keep  our  eyes  peeled  for  twigs  who  may  have  a  nefarious  agenda .  ❜ ❛  i  just  ethic’d  you  in  the  face !  ❜ ❛  lies  are  like  tigers .  they  are  BAD .  ❜ ❛  we  need  to  cancel  this  party  immediately .  ❜ ❛  why  do  bad  things  always  happen  to  mediocre  people  who  are  lying  about  their  identities ?  ❜ ❛  the  ends  justify  the  means .  ❜ ❛  what  are  you  talking  about ??  it’s  SO  easy  to  live  with  a  lie .  ❜ ❛  i’m  not  supposed  to  be  here .  ❜ ❛  you  forgot  your  own  birthday ?  ❜ ❛  alright ,  i  will .  for  you .  ❜ ❛  can’t  we  just  chalk  this  up  to  a  hilarious  mistake  and  move  on ?  ❜ ❛  can  we …  skip  around ,  and  circle  back ?  ❜ ❛  why  is  everyone  so  jealous  of  me ?  ❜ ❛  oh ,  hello  -  you  look  like  a  piece  of  crap .  ❜ ❛  hey  now ,  come  on ,  let’s  not  insult  people .  ❜ ❛  go  get  me  a  drink .  ❜ ❛  somebody  made  a  person  out  of  wet  mulch  and  leaves  and  like …  dead  slugs ,  and  that’s  you .  ❜ ❛  did  you  two  go  to  pound  town ?  ❜ ❛  i’m  better  than  i  used  to  be .  ❜ ❛  alright ,  i  have  to  ask .  is  this  thing  gonna  happen ?  you  and  me ?  ❜ ❛  you  need  to  stand  up  for  yourself !  ❜ ❛  you’re  barely  even  a  regular ,  functioning  person !  ❜ ❛  woah  woah  woah ,  you  think  i’m  into  [ name ] ?  ❜ ❛  i  need  to  step  outside  for …  some  air .  i  will  not  be  back  for …  many  days .  ❜ ❛  why  are  you  so  nice  to  me ?  ❜ ❛  oh  good ,  you’re  back .  ❜ ❛  pobody’s  nerfect .  ❜ ❛  well ,  the  nightmare  continues .  ❜ ❛  i’m  a  moron !  ❜ ❛  that’s …  not  great  for  my  case .  ❜ ❛  i’ve  ruled  the  fart  inadmissible  as  evidence .  ❜ ❛  now  i’m  bored .  walking  is  dumb .  ❜ ❛  i’m  gonna  need  a  drink …  or  three .  ❜ ❛  i  only  cared  about  making  money  and  doing  cocaine .  ❜ ❛  there’s  no  time  for  any  of  that  morality  nonsense ,  sweetheart .  ❜ ❛  this  way ,  i  don’t  owe  you  anything  -  you  don’t  owe  me  anything .  ❜ ❛  we  MUST  remain  emotionless .  i’m  talking  kristen  stewart  on  the  red  carpet .  ❜ ❛  please ,  i’m  begging  you ,  please .  ❜ ❛  does  your  brain  work ,  actually ?  do  you  have  a  functioning  head ?  ❜ ❛  sorry ,  [ name ] ,  but  i  can’t  let  us  leave .  ❜ ❛  what  are  you  DOING ,  you  goon ?  ❜ ❛  that’s  what  you  think  hell  is ?  ❜ ❛  it’s  scary ,   like  the  movie  ratatouille .  ❜ ❛  oh ,  that’s  a  joint .  ❜ ❛  REAL  weird  vibe  in  here .  ❜ ❛  i  was  definitely  expecting  some  applause .  ❜ ❛  in  my  opinion ,  which  is  objective  fact  in  this  case  and  all  cases  ever …  ❜ ❛  i’m  not  going ,  i  don’t  wanna .  ❜ ❛  it  is  literally  impossible  for  me  to  do  that .  ❜ ❛  well  -  it’s  been  real ,  dawg .  ❜ ❛  i  feel  like  i’ve  failed  you .  ❜ ❛  i  was  dropped  into  a  cave ,  and …  you  were  my  flashlight .  ❜ ❛  we  can  be  together ,  away  from  everyone  else .  ❜ ❛  holy  motherforking  shirtballs .  ❜ ❛  man ,  this  is  torture .  ❜ ❛  you  ruined  everything ,  you  know  that ?  ❜ ❛  i  was  so  close  to  pulling  it  off !  ❜ ❛  it’s  actually  a  filthy  dumpster  of  our  worth  anxieties .  ❜ ❛  i’m  surrounded  by  people  who  are  literally  better  than  me .  ❜ ❛  you  don’t  love  me ?  ❜ ❛  this  was  supposed  to  be  my  big  moment !  ❜ ❛  dammit ,  [ name ] .  you  are  the  WORST ,   and  you  can  all  suck  it .  ❜ ❛  you  had  no  idea  i  was  gonna  do  that !  ❜ ❛  yeah ,  that  came  out  of  nowhere .  ❜ ❛  oh …   but  it  didn’t  matter .  because  my  motivations  were  corrupt .  ❜ ❛  there’s  something  you  don’t  know  about  me .  ❜ ❛  the  only  thing  you  succeeded  in  doing  was  bringing  us  all  together .  ❜ ❛  uh …  next  time ?  ❜ ❛  if  this  thing  goes  sideways  again ,  you  are  DONE .  ❜ ❛  UGH ,  you’re  useless !  ❜ ❛  alright ,  let’s  try  again ,  shall  we ?  ❜ ❛  YA  BASIC .  ❜ ❛  hold  that  thought .  is  it  okay  if  i  go  work  out ?  ❜ ❛  i  think  this  is  yours .  ❜

&. 𝐡𝐢𝐭 ‘𝐞𝐦 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐭 𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐭𝐬 𝐬𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐬.

(  more  angst  to  devastate  your  writing  partners.  metaphorically.  )

❛ you’re a weapon, and weapons don’t weep. ❜

❛ you can’t save everyone. ❜

❛ it should have been you. ❜

❛ did i do good? ❜

❛ i’m sorry that i can’t save you. ❜

❛ wait for me, will you? ❜

❛ i can’t lose you again! ❜

❛ you were dead, i saw you die. ❜

❛ we won’t forget each other, right? ❜

❛ i’m real. i’m here. ❜

❛ you already know how this will end. ❜

❛ it’s always my fault, isn’t it? ❜

❛ i don’t want to go. ❜

❛ can you remember how you died? ❜

❛ i love you, but you’re not mine. ❜

❛ have you ever lost someone? ❜

❛ i didn’t ask to get made. ❜

❛ you’re as beautiful as the day i lost you. ❜

❛ i never meant to hurt you. ❜

❛ is it really you? ❜

❛ their blood is on your hands. ❜

❛ it would have been better to die. ❜

❛ i’m not ready to lose you yet. ❜

❛ i wish i met you sooner. ❜

❛ let’s just stay here. grow old. ❜

❛ you’re the first friend i ever had. ❜

❛ i told you not to fall in love with me. ❜

❛ you always push people away. i just thought you’d never do it to me. ❜

❛ everyone i’ve cared about has either died or left me. except for you. ❜

❛ i know i have a heart because i can feel it breaking. ❜

❛ they’re not coming back. ❜

❛ i’m sorry, have we met? ❜

❛ in my dreams, we’re still together. ❜

❛ you’re the one good thing left in this world. ❜

❛ i hate the way that i don’t hate you. ❜

❛ it’s okay. you can let go. ❜

❛ you mean nothing to me. ❜

❛ we’re on our own now. ❜

❛ you can’t kill me, i’m not alive. ❜

❛ it wasn’t supposed to end like this. ❜

❛ do you remember when we first met? ❜

❛ we’ll see each other again. ❜

❛ there’s nothing you could have done. ❜

❛ we did it. we won. ❜

❛ let’s not go back. not ever. ❜

❛ thanks for playing with me. ❜

❛ why does it feel like this is goodbye? ❜

why are u as a man greeting someone by cutting open the front of their shirt? to see man boobs? to see man nipples? because ur gay?

“Well, we’ve never exactly been what you’d call normal to begin with. We’ve always been…rough…on each other. Arguing, rough-housing, c h o k i n g… I liked it, until I didn’t.” He patted his golden leg lightly. “Sometimes the people you love take too much from you, you know? And that’s how you learn that’ll they’ll keep taking until there’s nothing left, if you give them the chance.”

@indestructiblelittlefxcker cont'd from HERE

“In my defense, who among us has not assumed a surprise nocturnal mutilation was an attempt to rekindle an old flame? Could happen to anyone, really.” Izzy sat back, crossing his prosthetic leg over his lap. The extent to which his body was actually extant in this state was still unknown to him, but he could still move it, so he did.

Orin wrinkled his nose, knowing full well that he was hardly innocent when it came to relationship transgressions, but he'd never removed someone's body parts before. And this guy had taken as some kind of romantic gesture?? He knew that masochists could be a wild bunch, real fuckin' weirdos, but this guy certainly took that cake. "I'm gonna be real fucking honest with you, man....that is something that has absolutely never happened to another person in the history of the world."

Well. Apparently he’d hit a nerve. Izzy sat back in his chair, squaring his shoulders, and took a deep draught of his drink in turn. He wasn’t in the habit of taking guff from other pirates, even from one as tall and solid as this one appeared to be. However, his days of picking fights in bars just to feel the thrill of another man’s hands on him and the dull but satisfying pain of bruises blossoming across his skin were long over. The place where his stump met the prosthetic was starting to feel sore, as it often did towards the end of the day, and reminded him of that quite firmly. “I don’t disagree, if I’m honest. Made for a hell of a learning experience, and not one that I’m keen to repeat. Next round’s on me, if ya like.”

“Well, we’ve never exactly been what you’d call normal to begin with. We’ve always been…rough…on each other. Arguing, rough-housing, c h o k i n g. I liked it, until I didn’t.” He patted his golden leg lightly. “Sometimes the people you love take too much from you, you know? And that’s how you learn that’ll they’ll keep taking until there’s nothing left, if you give them the chance.”