Ned No Longer Working With The Try Guys Has Me In A Combination Of Disgusted With Men And Sobbing Over

Ned no longer working with the try guys has me in a combination of disgusted with men and sobbing over my childhood

WE'RE BACK FOR YEAR NUMBER THREE (3) OF MOVING INTO A COLLEGE DORM

-over. The door. Hangers. Rn. Go get em

- when you're packing clothes on hangers, put garbage bags through the bottom and loop the ties over the hooks, it'll keep everything together it makes your life so much easier I promise

- get. A. Chair. A nice one bitch because the shitty ones they give you?? Will send you to a chiropractor two weeks in. Get a chair

- desk shelf. Oh baby. Sometimes desks have shelves, sometimes they don't. Get one anyway, I'm telling you rn, go do it it helps I promise

- get organizers for the kitchen. plz. god it makes finding that one utensil you need in the middle of the night so much easier. We are all about ease here people

- couch. cover. That couch has seen unspeakable things. I'm telling you this with first hand experience. Get a goddamn couch cover, it'll make it so much more comfy.

- POWER STRIP BABY. GET AT LEAST TWO IM TELLING YOU NOT ASKING NOT SUGGESTING. AND TAPE THEM TO THE WALL OR COMMAND STICK EM GOD IT SAVES SO MUCH SPACE

As I unpack for the third time, that's all I got but add more, do it, I dare you.

College Packing Tips from a College Student

So I know COVID has prevented A Lot of us from going to college, or we just chose to not attend college. And that’s fine!!! You do you boo!!! In case you are, in fact, going to college this year and happen to be moving into a dorm (this also applies to moving into a new apartment) here are some tips for packing (and what to pack) when moving in. 

- pack a small bag for stuff you’ll need when you immediately arrive. This means disinfectant wipes, a mop/broom, paper towels, and command hooks if you happen to be needing them (you will, idc what you think, you will need them)

- bring command hooks!!!!! a lot of college dorm don’t allow nails in the walls for hanging things. I can already hear people saying they don’t need to be hanging any decorations and ooooohhhh boy you are in for a treat. Winter gear???? You want your coat on a heap on the floor???? towel???? you want the thing you dry your beautiful body with on the dirty ass floor????? bring command hooks coward

- wash your dishes before you get there. I know this isn’t possible in every situation, but if you can, wash your dishes/travel mugs/tupperware before you move in. one less thing you have to do 

- speaking of which, you will never have enough tupperware. you think I’m kidding??? I’m not. you bring that shit everywhERE you go, and you smuggle as much food as you can because your ass is paying for that, and by god, you will get your money’s worth

- communicate 👏 with 👏your 👏roommate(s) 👏 and this applies to apartments too. who’s bringing the mini-fridge?? who’s got the microwave??? are you having those in your dorm?? do they go to bed before or after 11pm??? comm👏un👏i👏cate

- bring,,,and extra,,,,,set,,,,of,,,,everything. towels, sheets, pillows, do it. yes it means a little more room in your bags, but pleaaaaseeee do it

- you will never have enough kitchen towels. I mean it. you will use those little shits for everything. wiping down a spilled drink, dusting, oven mitts, everything. I used them to wrap breakable things in my other bags

- I can’t believe I have to say this, but bring,,, shower,,,,shoes. If you are in a communal bathroom, there are probably dozens of college students using that same bathroom,,,,do you want foot fungus???? I didn’t think so

- door stop!!! sometimes dorm rooms don’t have these, always a good idea

- if you live in the north like me, and winter is a thing that happens for 6 months, think about bringing a shoe mat/tray for your boots. Doesn’t have to be a big one, but those boots are gonna be tracking in so much salt and snow and dirt, you want to put them somewhere

That’s everything I can think of off the top of my head, but please please please feel free to add more!!! stay safe!!!!! bring masks!!!!!! 

things you will see on a road trip across america

-so much desert that you will get scared 

-seriously from california to new mexico is terrifying like it’s eight straight hours of pale red desert and the sky is so large that everything, even your car, even your hands, looks like a tenuously small and fragile diorama placed on an endless pale red table and left there to dissolve. 

-a gas station that for some reason has large dinosaurs made out of scrap metal. they are 1000% awesome. sometimes they move. take a million pictures.

-a fruit stand that sells the best fruit you have ever eaten. later you won’t quite remember which fruit. strawberries, maybe? peaches?

-small black birds, subtly different in every state. some have gold eyes and some are a little iridescent and some are black from beak to toes. the sparrows they compete with for crumbs look exactly the same wherever you go. 

-a completely empty rest stop. no one eats at the concrete tables. no one plays in the tiny strip of grass or gravel. you will find a small and beautiful stone. 

-a hawaii license plate, somewhere around ohio. i still don’t know how they get the cars across the ocean. i don’t know why anyone would leave hawaii for ohio. i don’t know why anyone lives in ohio. 

-an incredibly weird duck. you had no idea ducks could look so incredibly weird, and you wish you were still ignorant of how incredibly weird ducks can, apparently, look. 

-a small folksy roadside waystation that sells fudge and incredibly tacky statues of eagles and wolves and cowboys. if you like fudge, eat the fudge from here. 

-a lizard doing pushups. if you are particularly fortunate: many lizards doing pushups.

-approximately one gajillion starbucks shops. don’t bother counting them. it will make you angry. 

-a storm somewhere around oklahoma, if you’re lucky. the clouds tower up in fantastic fluffy castles miles and miles into the air and are painted pink and gold and purple and the sky turns a dozen impossible shades of blue and when the rain comes down over your car it sounds like the world is ending. 

-weird burrs will stick to your legs. you’ll flick them out of the car eighty or eight hundred miles from where their parent plant was grown, and not be sure whether you should wish the little hitchikers well or not. 

-a dog wearing sunglasses with his head hanging out of a car window. this will be the high point of the trip. 

-the world’s most depressing restaurant. you will know it when you wind up there and have to eat the terrible food, and listen to the terrible music, and look at all the listless waiters and want to tell them get in my car, for god’s sake get in, i’ll take you out of whatever crapsack little town this is that you can’t get out of on your own. but you won’t say that because it’s rude. maybe they have family here. maybe they even like it here.

-a painting of a sailboat in a motel located at least a hundred miles from any significant body of water. 

-several genuinely hilarious postcards. buy them.

-a cat that will not let you pet it. this will be the low point of the trip. 

-corn. so much corn you will get scared. who the fuck is going to eat all this corn? 

-a small stream in some small woods and the light will come down perfectly and the water will be beautiful and the grass will be beautiful and there will be flowers maybe or the leaves of the trees are starting to turn gold and there are birds chirping and it will be so perfect you will want to stand there and stay forever and live in this little magical painting off the side of the highway and be some kind of highway druid. but instead, you’ll get bored after a while, and get back in the car. 

Some words to use when writing things:

winking

clenching

pulsing

fluttering

contracting

twitching

sucking

quivering

pulsating

throbbing

beating

thumping

thudding

pounding

humming

palpitate

vibrate

grinding

crushing

hammering

lashing

knocking

driving

thrusting

pushing

force

injecting

filling

dilate

stretching

lingering

expanding

bouncing

reaming

elongate

enlarge

unfolding

yielding

sternly

firmly

tightly 

harshly

thoroughly

consistently

precision

accuracy

carefully

demanding

strictly

restriction

meticulously

scrupulously

rigorously

rim

edge

lip

circle

band

encircling

enclosing

surrounding

piercing

curl

lock

twist

coil

spiral

whorl

dip

wet

soak

madly

wildly

noisily

rowdily

rambunctiously

decadent

degenerate

immoral

indulgent

accept

take

invite

nook

indentation

niche

depression

indent

depress

delay

tossing

writhing

flailing

squirming

rolling

wriggling

wiggling

thrashing

struggling

grappling

striving

straining

Palestinians are trying to rebuild their lives in Northern and Central Gaza as the occupation focuses its genocidal war machine on the South, particularly Rafah

Obi-wan really is an extremely tired father, and now we get to add Leia to his list of children