Yes Yess This Is So Good! (3

yes yess this is so good! (⁠ʃ⁠ƪ⁠＾⁠3⁠＾⁠）

Long live the Emperor …

synopsis — he was a very jealous man and he would do anything to send his message. you were his and he would make sure everyone knew who you belonged to.

warning - nsfw, dubcon, arranged marriage, public sex, throne sex, cock warming

shameful. it’s a shameful display of power and greed and no one dares to say a word. the court has been in session for what felt like hours with many people passing through with important requests for the emperor.

their voices are low and some even stutter, scared to look away but even more afraid to anger their emperor if they dare look at his royal consort.

“you may speak” he says, his voice as steady as any other day only that he has his beautiful wife on his lap in a thin sheer robe that leaves little to the imagination despite how long it is. it’s a beautiful shade of green, see-through and no doubt only appropriate for your private quarters.

you’re beautiful with the finest jewellery fit for the royal consort and despite your obvious discomfort and embarrassment, you know you can’t move. his cock is buried deep inside you and if you were to move, it sends a shiver up your spine that you want to hate. your husband has no respect for you privacy at all, wanting to make a point to all the men who stare at you. you belonged to him and he didn’t care if you were young and new to this side of the world.

you had just turned 18 and your father had promised you to him and no matter how much you begged and pleaded with him, he forced you to marry the emperor and now you were being shown off like some prize in front of everyone.

“m-my king” the man below speaks, but his unable to look at the king in the eye so he keeps his eyes downcast, his cheeks are red and so are his ears. you want to feel sorry for the poor old man but you saw the way he looked at you when he first entered and he was no different than anyone else in the court.

“speak up!” ran shouts, “if you’re here to waste my time, then my guards can see you out”

“i’ve come to ask for h-help” the man clears his throat, “my people, we have been struggling with-”

the man can barely get his words out and it’s so obvious that the king is bored. he helps his people and his not a selfish man but he’s very different with you and it’s clear that the people have angered him enough to push him this far. he circles his hips and grips your waist.

you can’t hide the shame that fills you the moment you moan, your mouth falling open in surprise as he thrusts up into you. his cock is big and even though you had become well acquainted on your wedding night, it was still difficult to get used to something so thick.

there are whispers throughout the court and you don’t have to see the king’s face to know he’s smirking. the smug bastard knew exactly what he was doing and he would do it again to send the message across.

you belonged to him.

moonlight sonata.

★ pairing: toji x reader

☽ summary: you’re not one of toji’s regrets.

★ genre: pure fucking fluff

☽ warnings: some curse words but thats it

★ a/n: another blurb until i finally finish the geto fic i’m writing. this is like totally self indulgent but i’m sharing anyway hehe. as always, ur likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated. enjoy.

“can you tell me a secret?” you ask, your hand smoothing back and forth across his chest as you lay alongside him.

the night is thick and you can’t see anything around you, but you can feel the steady rise and fall of his chest beneath your cheek. you know it’s definitely ridiculous just how much you bug him, knowing that he’s an old man with a rotting conscience, but you can’t help it. especially when he gives you a look that says: “i’m too fucking old for this.” it’s your favorite past-time now and you don’t feel guilty about it. not even a little bit.

“secret?” he groans, nudging his chin against the top of your head. “what kinda secret?”

“any kind, toji, i don’t care.”

“i don’t have any secrets, y/n,” he states. “unless we’re talkin’ about you.”

you laugh, slapping his torso. “don’t humor me, toji. you’re an open book when it comes to me.”

“you’re actually a pain in my fuckin’ ass.”

“yeah well,” you smile, patting him. “you should’ve killed me when you had the chance. now you’re stuck with an uppity bitch that fixes you oatmeal for breakfast. cinnamon oatmeal.”

he makes a gruff sound. “dear god, don’t remind me of that shit again. you tried to poison me.”

“i sure did. and now you’re stuck with me.”

“i have regrets,” he sighs a minute later but his arms squeeze you closer to him, nevertheless. “seriously. i got no secrets, baby. just regrets and mistakes.”

“and i’m one of them?” you joke, even though your heart clenches.

he presses a fleeting kiss to your forehead before he’s tilting your chin up towards him. he can’t see you but he doesn’t need to to know that your eyes are still looking up at him like they always are.

“never,” he whispers, lips hovering above yours. “you could never be one of ‘em.”

© cacophonies 2022

You Are Made of Stardust

Though the billions of people on Earth may come from different areas, we share a common heritage: we are all made of stardust! From the carbon in our DNA to the calcium in our bones, nearly all of the elements in our bodies were forged in the fiery hearts and death throes of stars.

The building blocks for humans, and even our planet, wouldn’t exist if it weren’t for stars. If we could rewind the universe back almost to the very beginning, we would just see a sea of hydrogen, helium, and a tiny bit of lithium.

The first generation of stars formed from this material. There’s so much heat and pressure in a star’s core that they can fuse atoms together, forming new elements. Our DNA is made up of carbon, hydrogen, oxygen, nitrogen, and phosphorus. All those elements (except hydrogen, which has existed since shortly after the big bang) are made by stars and released into the cosmos when the stars die.

Each star comes with a limited fuel supply. When a medium-mass star runs out of fuel, it will swell up and shrug off its outer layers. Only a small, hot core called a white dwarf is left behind. The star’s cast-off debris includes elements like carbon and nitrogen. It expands out into the cosmos, possibly destined to be recycled into later generations of stars and planets. New life may be born from the ashes of stars.

Massive stars are doomed to a more violent fate. For most of their lives, stars are balanced between the outward pressure created by nuclear fusion and the inward pull of gravity. When a massive star runs out of fuel and its nuclear processes die down, it completely throws the star out of balance. The result? An explosion!

Supernova explosions create such intense conditions that even more elements can form. The oxygen we breathe and essential minerals like magnesium and potassium are flung into space by these supernovas.

Supernovas can also occur another way in binary, or double-star, systems. When a white dwarf steals material from its companion, it can throw everything off balance too and lead to another kind of cataclysmic supernova. Our Nancy Grace Roman Space Telescope will study these stellar explosions to figure out what’s speeding up the universe’s expansion. 

This kind of explosion creates calcium – the mineral we need most in our bodies – and trace minerals that we only need a little of, like zinc and manganese. It also produces iron, which is found in our blood and also makes up the bulk of our planet’s mass!

A supernova will either leave behind a black hole or a neutron star – the superdense core of an exploded star. When two neutron stars collide, it showers the cosmos in elements like silver, gold, iodine, uranium, and plutonium.

Some elements only come from stars indirectly. Cosmic rays are nuclei (the central parts of atoms) that have been boosted to high speed by the most energetic events in the universe. When they collide with atoms, the impact can break them apart, forming simpler elements. That’s how we get boron and beryllium – from breaking star-made atoms into smaller ones.

Half a dozen other elements are created by radioactive decay. Some elements are radioactive, which means their nuclei are unstable. They naturally break down to form simpler elements by emitting radiation and particles. That’s how we get elements like radium. The rest are made by humans in labs by slamming atoms of lighter elements together at super high speeds to form heavier ones. We can fuse together elements made by stars to create exotic, short-lived elements like seaborgium and einsteinium.

From some of the most cataclysmic events in the cosmos comes all of the beauty we see here on Earth. Life, and even our planet, wouldn’t have formed without them! But we still have lots of questions about these stellar factories. 

In 2006, our Stardust spacecraft returned to Earth containing tiny particles of interstellar dust that originated in distant stars, light-years away – the first star dust to ever be collected from space and returned for study. You can help us identify and study the composition of these tiny, elusive particles through our Stardust@Home Citizen Science project.

Our upcoming Roman Space Telescope will help us learn more about how elements were created and distributed throughout galaxies, all while exploring many other cosmic questions. Learn more about the exciting science this mission will investigate on Twitter and Facebook.

Make sure to follow us on Tumblr for your regular dose of space!

━━━ ❝ if you let me, I'm yours...❞

↳ ; ༄ gojou s. x f!reader

"he was the strongest when he walked out of that door but inside of those four walls you called home — he was just a man. a man that only wanted to be loved and wanted it from no one but you."

content ; ༄ sexual content, soft!dom gojo, sickeningly passionate sex, he’s a little clingy in this but it’s bc he’s in love with you, dirty talk, riding, pussyjob, breeding, mentions of pregnancy, loving aftercare, slightly clingy reader, just a lovestruck gojo that wants you & only you

w.c ; ༄ 12.2k

↳ note from syn ; ༄ i haven’t been super active but i’m always writing behind the scenes and this is something i’ve been working on for almost two months so this past week, i finally managed to scrape up enough inspo to birth an ending and here we are 🪷 hope you enjoy & if you reblog, you’ll get a kiss from yours truly hehe ୧

↳ p.s. this lovely little human @arcanedevil here helped me by editing this entire thing :”) cleaned up behind me perfectly & needed to make sure i gave her the proper credit otherwise y’all would’ve been sooo mad at me for the thousand of mistakes i couldn’t catch LOL luv ya babe ᰔ

“Fuck, you’re tight.”

The headboard weeped under Satoru’s strong grasp, threatening to break under the pressure.

His other hand was preoccupied, loosely curled around the length of his cock as he watched with a focused gaze, sinking further into you inch by inch.

Your face was hot like an iron, clearly out of the norm for you to have a man you’ve claimed to dislike so much on top of you with one of your legs thrown over his shoulder. This was a man you cursed at while you two could be seen working together but during the nights… It was obvious you couldn’t leave him alone and neither could he with you. You needed each other, but he could be such a piece of work.

Gojou Satoru knew nothing of boundaries or pleasantries. He saw no need to announce his presence nor did he care about being even the slightest bit polite towards you. He treated you as if you were a longtime friend of his. Arm over your shoulder, tugging you places when there was clearly a job to do and buying you unnecessary gifts because he believed in surprises when you hated surprises. There wasn’t particularly anything you liked about him unless he was quiet — which was almost never.

Satoru was annoying, but he always meant well.

As a fellow sorcerer, you couldn’t deny how caring he was. Deep down, there was more to him that many people didn’t know. Only those in his very tight-knit circle knew what he was really like when he turned off the bright smiles and obnoxious laughter. Deep down was a man in constant pain that only wanted to quiet the haunting voices from his past.

That was how he ended up in your bed almost every night.

He’d come knocking on your door bearing gifts. Those gifts contained a bottle of wine and your favorite takeout.

It worked every time.

The two of you would sit, eat and talk about each of your days, how it went and such before pulling out the wine. Greasy food plus the dull ache of alcohol only ended up creating an atmosphere that quickly filled up with heavy sexual tension. Satoru wasn’t a shy man. When he wanted something, he went after it. Often, that was you and you never saw a reason to tell him no.

“Ah, ‘toru,” you planted a hand against his abdomen, feeling him finally bury himself full, your walls tighten around him with a grip unlike anything he’d ever felt before. “Hold on.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he teased, a half smirk on his face that made you roll your eyes. As you focused on catching your breath, you also watched the way his abs would tense up with each breath he took.

It was no secret that Satoru chose you to be his regular sleeping partner because of the mind blowing sex you two had. Not to mention, you were undeniably gorgeous in his eyes and there was nothing about his lifestyle that he felt the need to hide because you were also a sorcerer. You were aware of the small amount of extra time he barely had on his hands, and never pestered to see him more than he was able. Though, you two were only fuck buddies and nothing more — he’d been with plenty of women that just didn’t get it. He was a busy man. Always saving the world and all. When he came over, he left all of that pressure at the door and fell into his security blanket in the form of you.

You and your plush thighs and cute little body. He couldn’t get enough of it. Although you weren’t all that insecure about your body, it still felt a bit strange that a man as attractive as him would choose to lay in your bed rather than someone more of what you felt was his type. At first, you looked at it as a one time thing and that maybe he was just curious of what sex was like with someone like you until he kept coming back. Several nights in a row he’d show up and nothing you said or did turned him away.

At the beginning, you had a thought that maybe he was put up to it. To talk and get to know you with the purpose of getting in bed with you. All because you didn’t trust Suguru, his best friend, at all.. The man tried hitting on you once before but you were kind when you politely told him that you weren’t interested. He wasn’t your type and it was because of his personality. You didn’t have a long list of men you dated, but it was enough to make you realize what you did and didn’t want in someone.

It turned out that Satoru talked to you of his own volition. He wasn’t dared, wasn’t involved with any sort of bet between him and someone else — just wanted to genuinely get to know you because he claimed to see something in you that no one else did. Curious, you agreed to becoming friends and it was like getting on the bullet train and never getting off from there.

One of Satoru’s guilty pleasures was taking you shopping and letting you spend his money however you wanted. Except…you never wanted to do that. He was the one buying you gifts and pretending you were the one using his card to treat yourself. Instead, you used your own money and whenever you two went out, mostly on downtime between the missions you had, it was your card you swiped with each purchase. With each dollar sign he saw, the bigger the crack in his obnoxious little heart got. You figured it was just him overreacting but he had this unshakable need to take care of you.

You lived in a nice one bedroom apartment close to downtown Tokyo that wasn’t too expensive for you to keep up but he owned a penthouse in central Tokyo. You were happy with what you were able to afford and he knew you two were just friends but sometimes…

Sometimes Satoru could see you two being more and maybe that was why you felt he’d begun acting differently around you recently.

Less texts, less calls, less random appearances knowing it always annoyed you and he’d gotten a bit quieter when near you. It was like he’d set up an invisible wall between you and him, much like how his infinity seemed to work. It was as if he was keeping you at a safe distance and you were perceptive enough to figure that out. The question was, why did that bother you so much? You were just friends. With…benefits, but friends no less. Hadn’t it always been about the sex though? There was never really more to it than that, yet you still felt some sort of way about how he moved around you.

There were a few instances where you texted him just to be nosy and see what he was up to. He texted you and told you that he was out with Suguru. That was it. No extra details, just out with his best friend. Usually, he was all under and over you. Times where it was physically impossible to remove him from your body. Where he and you would be cozied up on the living room couch like a couple, watching some romcom. He’d fall asleep on your stomach and you’d be in and out for about two hours until you’d suggest moving to the bedroom to sleep properly.

Satoru was the only man to sleep in the same bed as you since your ex boyfriend you left two years ago. No one else has had the same luxury since then, other than Satoru.

You inquired about his strange behavior around you but he tried settling your worries with a simple, “It’s nothing,” and carried on like it was just that. Nothing. You couldn’t look at his new attitude towards you as nothing but you were already suspicious enough. It wasn’t normal how much Satoru liked being around you. Well, before he got all weird on you. You were questioning things back then too, and it would seem it was for good reason.

Right now, however, he was on top of you. Seconds away from splitting the wood of your headboard in half or fucking you brainless with furrowed brows and his bottom lip tucked between his teeth. Both of you gave it another second, eyes stuck on how flushed his pelvis was against yours. After you were sure it was okay for him to move, you pulled your hand back and his sterling blue eyes connected with yours.

“Now?“ he muttered.

“Please?” you pleaded.

If having sex was the only way you could have him close to you again, you weren’t going to think twice about it. He’d become such a big part of your daily routine that it pained you to think about him never showing up again. He was like oxygen for you now. Needing him to breathe and it was definitely a bad sign. He couldn’t know how you felt about him. It wasn’t like it was easily explainable at the moment, but knowing that you now wanted him around more than usual, it was going to only ruin things even further.

You couldn’t allow yourself to care too much. He wasn’t worth putting all of yourself into. He was a friend that you sometimes fucked. Why did it have to get any more complicated than that? It was simple. There were no attachments on either end. No pressure to be more. Not only could he be a little too much for you at times but his job as a sorcerer prevented him from even getting into a relationship. Although, a relationship was the last thing you wanted.

“Are you comfortable?” He asked, stirring you out of your thoughts.

The way his eyes seemed to gleam underneath the lamp’s faint tinted glow, it almost made you want to look away. Whenever he came over, he didn’t bother to wear his shades. You kept your place a bit dark so it helped the strain on his eyes, but it didn’t help keep you from staring back sometimes. It was like looking into a diamond. So many different shades of blue with crystallized touches in them. You knew that he was able to see more than anyone on earth could but you wondered if he truly knew what his eyes looked like from someone else’s perspective. They were too captivating to look away from and oftentimes he teased people for staring, being cheeky about it but to you — they were the most beautiful set of eyes you’d ever seen.

“Mhm.”

The short response only made the smile on his face bigger as he glanced back down to the way your pretty pussy lips hugged his cock, keeping his strokes slow for the moment.

“You’re in your head again,” He muttered, almost low enough for you to miss. “How do you do that?”

“Huh?” You blinked, unable to ignore the way his length dragged itself back and forth, against your soft sensitive walls. “Do what?“

“Think this much while I’m fucking you.”

“Oh. S’nothing,” you quipped, then turned your head to the side, biting your lip.

Satoru stared at you for a moment, believing that if he looked hard enough — he’d see every single one of your thoughts. He’d know what you were thinking about.

He remembered that at the beginning of all this, your mind had been on one thing. Him in between your legs, invading your little cunt, watching the way his name fell from those pretty lips of yours. No talking. Just the sound of yours and his moans intermingling together. But it was because of his loud moaning and the headboard hitting the wall persistently that caused the neighbor to come out and warn you two about filing a complaint recently. Since then, Satoru started to just hold the stupid headboard while he fucked you, but you began seeing that maybe that wasn’t such a good idea either. It was close to breaking in half. It definitely wasn’t going to last much longer.

Deciding to force your attention back on the present — him rather — he leaned down and joined your chests together, hips creating long rolls that had your hands instantly gripping at his arms. A small gasp escaped your lips, feeling him slowly pull out only to slam back in with a smack against your thighs.

“‘Toru!” You mewled out, moving your head back to look at him. He smirked and dived down to your neck, giving it open mouthed kisses, fucking you again. His thrusts were desperate this time. He still had a hand on the headboard but his other hand was now at your plush waist, gripping it tightly to keep you in place. So you wouldn’t try and crawl away. Truthfully, if he didn’t keep at least a hand on you at all times, he was afraid you were going to disappear. Fall from his grasp — never to be seen again.

In some ways, you were like his anchor to this world. As if you were keeping him from becoming nothing. Mere particles in the air until he fizzled out into pure nothingness. He even hated to close his eyes because that meant he couldn’t see you and he needed to see you. To hear your laugh that sounded like pretty bells chiming into the air. To feel the warmth of your touch against his cold one.

And you were always so warm. He usually had to wear layers where you typically settled for a single sweater or turtleneck. It was why he liked being on or under you. He was always so very cold, but not when he was near you. You were his own personal furnace that kept him shielded from the harsh winters of his tormenting thoughts. When he was with you, nothing else mattered. It was just you and him. He was the strongest, but you made him weak.

His savior, and tragically — his kryptonite.

If he had to be honest, you’d become someone he would die for.

Never in his life had he felt this way about anyone else. Too many times he’d escaped the clutches of desperate women after a good lay, and barely made it out. They always wanted something from him, even when he went the extra mile to tell them beforehand that he wasn’t a commitment sort of guy. He was tall, criminally attractive, and rich. They did their best to sell their worth to him, but he just wasn’t buying any of it.

When it came to you, he found himself seeking you out instead. You hardly texted him the day after a night together, and he was always the one reaching out to you. Instead of feeling frustrated by this, he was intrigued. He didn’t mind the chase, the person just needed to be worth it — and you were fucking worth it, that was for sure.

His movements were deep and long, the two prominent veins on his cock rubbing against your tight wet walls so good, you could hardly think straight.

Satoru skimmed his nose up your neck, and pressed it against your soft cheek, “You’re so quiet, baby,” he muttered, lips ghosting your warm skin. “Let me hear you. Please.”

Your sweet moans were a sense of validation for his self esteem. He was confident that he still knew how to make you feel good but when you got quiet, it bothered him. Then again, it was probably just you in your thoughts again but the thought of your mind being elsewhere for the second time in a row while he was several inches deep within you — it was enough to kill his hard on.

“Satoru,” you whispered and he didn’t waste any time connecting his eyes with yours. You gave him a small smile and placed a hand on his cheek, “Stay with me tonight, won’t you?”

“S…stay?” He asked, dumbfounded. You’d never asked him that before. What was the special occasion? “You want me to stay after this?” He decreased to slow rolls, taken aback.

You nodded. “If it’s not too much to ask?”

“Baby,” he breathed and you bit into your lip, feeling him press several tiny kisses against your cheek until you cracked, and gave him the smile that he’d been looking for. He grinned. “Of course I can. As friends though, right?”

He wasn’t sure who he was asking that for.

Himself?

You?

What answer did he even anticipate? It was agreed by the both of you that things would stay neutral. That the sex was just that. Nothing more, nothing less. Thankfully you were on the same page but he feared that he, himself, was trying to turn it. Trying to make this mean so much more than it was originally ever supposed to.

What were you doing to him?

Your little nod made him visibly frown but concealed it by hiding his face in your neck again, mentally berating himself for letting things get so out of hand. You were such a good friend to him. A reprieve from always being around Suguru. Someone that loved taking him out to different party scenes and hooking him up with different pretty women. Since Satoru met you, he hadn’t brought anyone else home. You hadn’t seen the inside of his four walls either, but he didn’t feel the need to bring some woman home to fuck when he now had you. Always ready. Always willing. Each time he knocked at your door, you were there, promptly — like you’d been waiting for him to come by.

Maybe things were perfect as they were. If they were slightly different now, then the lack of labels should’ve been relieving. And yet…that didn’t seem like the case. He was growing frustrated with the way things have become. Frustrated with his own feelings and frustrated with not knowing yours. You were so good at hiding away your real thoughts while he remained outspoken about his. He didn’t mind confronting what confused him, but you weren’t as willing. He understood but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

“Satoru…”

“Mm.”

“Why did you stop?”

He opened his eyes and breathed in the intoxicating floral scent stuck to your skin from using your favorite body wash earlier. For several moments, he stayed that way until you brought his face back in front of yours. A cute unsettled look on your face that he almost melted from.

“Is there more to this?” He outwardly asked, finally letting go of the headboard. He dipped a hand into the sheets near your head, grabbing a fistful as he awaited your answer.

Tilting your head to the side in wonder, you asked, “More…to this?”

“Yeah. Between us.”

“Oh.”

It should’ve made you jump out of the bed and run straight out of the apartment. Just run until your feet blistered. Far, far away from a man that you now saw for who he really was. Broken and only wanting to feel wanted.

What did you provide that he wasn’t able to get from anyone else? You cared for him like you cared for yourself. Sure, he was a bit annoying and over the top with everything but he was a good man. He deserved nothing shy of the best, and you were desperate to give that to him. Nothing less than you’ve given yourself, but you had to be honest. There was more to it.

Nanami was evidence of that.

— flashback.

“He’s coming over? Again? Tsk, that’s three nights in a row. I’m surprised.”

You were seated right across from him, thighs pressed together with a small cup of coffee tucked in between your delicate fingers. You took a slow slip, staring at the table in front of you.

Nanami had a leg crossed over the other, comfortably sitting back against his chair with tea in one hand and a piece of the cake he ordered in the other. He looked at you for a moment, wondering why you were still entertaining Satoru in this manner if you were a woman of class. Always claiming that you wouldn’t fall victim to Satoru’s charming ways and yet there you sat — another meeting with him tonight hanging over your head.

What was so special about Gojou Satoru? A man to be vehemently complexed and dangerously damaging to the mind, body and soul. Someone with a heart like yours did not need to be with a man like that. Someone unstable and unsure of what he wanted from life itself.

Nanami could see it. You were on such a narrow path that it couldn’t fit anyone else. It was one that you clearly needed to walk alone but Satoru found a way to make it a two person journey. He was someone that defeated all odds at all costs. Someone that, if he lost the game, he’d simply change it. He was the strongest sorcerer alive and yet…

You only saw weakness when you stood in front of him.

Satoru was a man that exercised all things of control and yet, he found you on top of him on multiple nights. Letting you do whatever it was you wanted because he was now under your control whether you’d realized that yet or not. Moments where you’d stare down at him like he was the only man you saw in your eyes. Staring back as if you were the only woman in his.

No one ever saw him like that. So vulnerably and miserably open the way he was with you. When he was around you, alone, his guard was down. He was sure that if you chose to attempt it, you had the power to destroy him once and for all. He was the strongest when he walked out of your door but inside of those four walls you called home — he was just a man. When he walked through your door, he kept his infinity down because there was no need to fear you. In that, when he fell asleep in your lap or on your couch while you cooked, it would’ve been easy to sink a blade through his neck or through his heart. Easy to end his life where he laid.

You had more power over him than anyone alive. It scared him but not more than his fear of you not feeling the same way as him.

And what feeling was that?

“I can’t explain it,” you mumbled, and set your cup down to lean back in your chair as well. “I want to leave him alone. I should leave him alone…so why can’t I?” Your eyes fell on customers that began walking in, a few couples that were holding hands. You felt a faint smile tug at the corner of your lips. “I just can’t seem to say no.” You scoffed, looking back at your friend. “As if I’d want to. When he comes to my door with that stupid grin on his face holding takeout and wine, the last thing I want to do is close the door in his face. I don’t ever plan on having sex with him. It just happens. We talk, we laugh and then by the time we’ve both finished our third glasses of wine, we’re already shoulder to shoulder. I don’t know…” You looked down at your lap, blinking in curiosity. “There’s something about him… Something I’m so drawn to…”

“The ability to share your pain with one another can become addicting,” Nanami commented, sighing. “It’s a beautiful thing at first. It feels similar to buying new clothes or getting a new phone. A new love interest, if you will. Overtime, that feeling gets lost in the shrouding mist of redundancy.” The confused look on your face made him smile as he sat his own drink down to give you a better explanation. “Two things end up happening. One, you’d end up getting bored of it. Bored of the feeling you’d become so attached to. And Two? Well…that addicting feeling goes away and gets stripped down to its real components. It becomes toxic; poisonous. If you have the guts to leave the person, you’d be able to see it for what it was when you were in it. It’s hard to see through a glass you’re on the other side of. Does that make sense?”

“Entirely.”

You understood what he was saying but that wasn’t how things were for you and Satoru. He didn’t run his mouth about his childhood days or anything but you recognized that it was bad enough to remain unspoken of. You knew that he had several responsibilities from being the strongest sorcerer in the world, and knew the pressures of keeping people safe because of it. His spunky personality was more for show than anything else. That wasn’t to say that he walked around in pain because he looked happy whenever he was around friends but you couldn’t imagine how he felt going home afterwards. Alone with his thoughts with no means to escape them.

He’d once told you that he didn’t sleep well when he stayed at his apartment. He’d stand in front of his bedroom window, staring out at the nightlife below with a glass of alcohol in hand. He said that it was to drown out the voices. To dull the numbing ache of reality that he was forced to wake up to every morning, if he was graced with any sleep at all.

Being a sorcerer meant that you had to understand that people could die. That you weren’t going to be able to save everyone. It was impossible but Satoru didn’t believe that. He believed he held the power to protect and save all innocent life, and whenever he failed at saving another — it ate away at him.

The higher ups only wanted to see him succeed. His clan made it their life’s mission to breathe down his neck in order to make sure that he did his job right, and it was a lot to carry on such narrow shoulders. Too much to expect out of just one man out of the entire world before him. Most of his time was spent in front of curses. It was a wonder how he hadn’t gone insane yet.

Maybe that was due to having good friends that he could trust around him. Without you and everyone else — there was no telling who he’d be by now.

In a way, you felt a sense of responsibility for him. Nothing unwanted, but something you voluntarily wanted to bear. A position that no one else had the ability to fulfill. Not the way you could.

The way you accepted him, and treated him with care. All things he’d missed out on as a child. Naturally, with his childhood stolen from him, he often appeared child-like. He knew when to be an adult but most of the time he was jokes and laughter. Sometimes he pulled a few pranks on Nanami for the hell of it. Throughout all of that, there was still a man in pain inside. A man that needed those things to get through the blurred days without losing his sanity in the midst of it all.

You were there for him. No matter what.

He couldn’t have been more grateful to have you in his life.

— present.

“I think…” What did you think? Was there more to what you had with him? There couldn’t be…but unexpectedly, was there?

“You don’t have to answer that,” he quickly intervened, which was followed by a low sigh, hoping to trash the topic as soon as it came. “Forget I said anything.”

“No,” your eyes held his, determined to talk about whatever was bothering him because it was clearly distracting him. “Let’s talk about it. I just don’t think it would be smart of us to start something from this. We’re supposed to be friends that sometimes fuck. Are you really starting to have real feelings for me, Satoru?”

“Are you?” He repeated, almost holding his breath for an answer he felt was going to be exactly what he didn’t want to hear.

You blinked, sitting in silence, trying to collect your thoughts because were you developing feelings for him? It was beginning to become clear as day that he held some for you and wanted to feel like you were also feeling something for him. That he wasn’t alone or delusional to think that liking you more than a friend was unwise. In order for things to work itself out, you had to be honest.

“I…I don’t know. Maybe?”

Was it idiotic to let yourself open up the way you were? He already found himself sleeping in your bed, bringing you food, calling and texting you almost every minute of each day, acting like your boyfriend. Would it have been wrong to allow him to stay? Make a home in your heart, entrusting your very soul to another man that had the ability to crush it at any given moment? If you didn’t allow yourself to be vulnerable enough to let someone else in, how were you ever going to be happy?

Without even knowing it, you were like a hamster on a wheel. Constantly running, believing you’re getting somewhere when you’re only going in circles. Always on a moving train, regrettably missing your stop every single time. You were afraid. Too apprehensive to put your trust into another man. Especially someone so broken like you. What if he hurt you? Led you to believe his love was true only to catch you when you got down, and break your heart all over again?

In truth, if something did start between you and him, you had hopes of it working out. Even though there was a major part in you that didn’t want to let him in, you could see a future with him. Something solid and true. You couldn’t trick yourself into believing that you weren’t deserving of real love anymore. Not when you knew, deep down, that you were more than deserving of it. You were owed it for all the heartbreaking years of being with a man that never saw you for more than what he felt you were worth. There was more to you than meets the eye and Satoru saw it. He saw you, and maybe that was what scared you the most.

That he was able to see into the very essence of what made you who you were, and wasn’t scared. Wasn’t too afraid to reach you and take that part of you into his arms, telling you that it was okay. He made you feel warm. That it was safe to fall for him, and maybe it was. Maybe you’d been deluding yourself to believe that he wasn’t made for you. That you were in his life to help him heal and move on. To find a way to live his life authentically and happily. A pawn in his success to happiness. Were you? Or were you meant to remain a part of his life but as something more than just his supportive friend? There was only one way you were going to be able to find out, and that was through trusting him.

To trust him to not let you fall.

“Maybe, huh…” he said under his breath, looking off to the side with a deep look on his face. As if the wheels were turning in his head, trying to make sense of your response. “Wanna know what I think?”

“I do, actually.”

“I think,” he looked back at you, smiling. “I think that you do have feelings for me. Maybe it’s safer for you to pretend as if you don’t or that you’re still figuring things out for yourself but I can see it. You’re scared of being vulnerable but, can I tell you that I was too?” He pushed some of your hair back from your face, sighing. “I’ve always been too scared to let someone in and it’s made me unhappy. It made me realize what I’m missing out on. I don’t want to go much longer without it, so that’s why I’m telling you how I feel now. If not, I’d only regret it.”

You understood what he was saying and it was a slight shock because you’d once believed that he wasn’t capable of feeling something strong for anyone else but himself. Not in an egotistical way but as a coping mechanism. To protect himself from anyone meant to do him harm. It would’ve been well within his rights to do so but it would’ve been damaging to himself. Finding out that he was willing to put himself out there, becoming more vulnerable around you than he already was — it meant something and maybe it was time you stopped ignoring it.

This entire time, he was the one making the obvious efforts in an attempt to get you to see his feelings for you. The sudden lack of calling and texting were sure signs of it. He’d been trying to distance himself from you to save his own feelings, but here he was, letting that all go. Risking his heart in hopes that you’d return the feelings.

What were you going to do?

“Satoru, I’m afraid,” you told him in a shaky whisper, trying to hold back the tears. “I’m afraid that you’re going to hurt me.”

He quickly took your face into his warm hands, looking into your sorrowful eyes, “I know, baby, I know, but you’re gonna have to trust me. I’m willing to trust you. We’ve both got a past. We just have to overcome it and I’d rather do it with than without you.” He pressed his forehead against yours, closing his eyes. “I just need you to let me in. Let me show you that I can take care of you. Please.”

There were reasons to believe that he wasn’t going to make good on his foreshadowed promises, but there were also reasons to believe that he was going to do just that. Take care of you and your fragile heart. That he wasn’t going to be like the last guy and treat you worse than dirt, but love you like you were always meant to be loved. He had just as much to lose as you and maybe that was why you chose to give it a shot.

“Okay.”

With a small gasp, he pulled back and stared at you with wide eyes. “Okay?” The excited tone to his voice made you smile as you rolled your eyes, nodding. He bit his lip to keep from smiling back, but he couldn’t help it. He kissed you and laughed, “So you’re my girlfriend now?”

You giggled, wanting nothing more than to hide your face. “I mean…yeah?”

Satoru cupped your face into his hands again, your skin melting against his gentle touch. His beautiful eyes held yours captive, face visibly flushed from the rush of emotions within him. His heart rattled against the cage of his chest, desperate to jump over the ledge and fall into the depths of your awaiting hands.

It felt like a millennia waiting for you to give him a yes, but an eternity for you to realize that he deserved a chance just like everyone else. You needed to be open to the possibility that maybe he didn’t waltz into your life to hurt you. Maybe he came to show you that good people still existed. He wasn’t perfect by any means but who was? Satoru came into your life for a reason and it was imperative that you gave him the chance to show you why he was there. Even if a relationship ended up not working out between you two, it was best to try and see what did. If a friendship awaited you two at the end, then didn’t you want to stay and find out?

In his eyes, you saw a man that longed to be loved, understood, cared for and given a chance. He wasn’t looked at as a human being by most in the jujutsu society. They saw him as the chosen one; powerful and born to stop all evil that flooded the streets of Japan. He was raised as a weapon. Never knew what a proper childhood was like. His life was stolen from him; it was no wonder he’d lost hope.

Until he met you.

You gave him reason. Gave him hope. Hope that his story is still unwritten. That there was more to come. That at the end, there weren't any credits but a sequel.

Gojou Satoru met you and found his new purpose. A reason to keep going because he wasn’t done living. He needed to stay because you existed, and became his world. He found you, and he wasn’t going to let you go. He needed to protect you, protect his treasure; protect his purpose because without you…he was no one. As much as you were his kryptonite, you were also his heroine.

He was drawn to you like a magnet. Your touch, your smell, your lingering perfume that clung to his clothing after a night of just holding you — those were the things that he held onto whenever he went back to his place. However, they faded after a day or so. He was forced to find you again, repeating the process because you helped him stay sane in this insane world of his. When you weren’t around, he needed to have a piece of you to anchor himself because he’d lose sight of his purpose.

The days could drag on, agonizing him to his limits but seeing you—seeing you made it all better. He was himself again and hated it when he had to go back home and look in the bathroom mirror after a long hot shower, watching his tormented expression stare back at him.

But now that you were officially his, there was nothing standing in his way. He could stop holding his breath and breathe. Take in your intoxicating fragrance again and again, and memorize it. Keep it with him at all times by not letting you out of his sight unless he truly had to. Not for too long or he’d come and find you again because you were his drug, so very addicting. Too painfully aware that one day, you might not be good for him anymore. That his possessive need to keep you close to him would become an obsession. If he wasn’t careful, he’d watch you slip through his fingers, but no. He couldn’t think about those things right now. Absolutely not.

You agreed to become his girlfriend. You were his now.

That was all that mattered.

“Thank you,” he whispered, eyes glistening with tears as he tried holding them back.

Your face softened immediately, holding his wrists gently, “What are you thanking me for?”

The air was still.

You blinked and watched as he dropped the last wall he still had up, ultimately letting you in, completely.

“Loving me.”

You were sure that nothing in this godforsaken world was better than kissing Satoru, the strongest man alive. How he made a simple kiss feel like your one and only hope to true salvation. How he enveloped not just your mouth but your body, your entire being into himself, shrouding your soul with warmth and a promise to keep you safe. That you could depend on him like he was going to learn to trust and depend on you. How he cradled your face like delicate porcelain, sliding his tongue over yours, sighing into the kiss that he never wanted to end.

Unfortunately, you had to breathe and pulled back, but he wasn’t done with you.

Not even close.

He wrapped his arms around you and turned over, switching your positions so that you were now on top of him, his hands at your hips, dangerously close to your thighs that begged to be touched; held.

Through his pale lashes, he stared at you, sweeping his eyes across your naked form that sat deliciously in front of him, waiting for his next move. Devouring the sight of you in silence made you feel anxious, pressing the plush tips of your fingers against his chest as you sat, staring back at him. Your breath hitched in your throat when you felt one of his hands move inward, between your thighs, towards the source of heat he could feel.

He wore a growing smirk, intently focused on your twitching thighs, ears not missing the diminutive shy sounds that tried to sneak through your shaky breaths. Once he reached his destination, he couldn’t help but soak in the pleasurable look on your face as he pressed two of his slender fingers against the spot you needed him most.

“Satoru,” you moaned quietly under your breath, pleading him with your eyes not to tease you this way.

He chuckled with casual raised brows, head tilted a bit to the side, “Awh, come on. You always have so much to say. What happened to all of that?”

He was clearly torturing you. How mean he could be.

The pulsing at your core felt unbearable. If he was going to treat you with a bit of disrespect, then he’d need to remember that when you got on top — he didn’t have control anymore.

You did.

“You’re not being very nice.”

The steady tone of your voice wiped away the smile on his face as you wrapped a hand around his throat, pulling his attention away from your clit.

His eyes fluttered with surprise, hands gripping onto your legs to steady himself as he felt you slide back, brushing against his length that was now in between your wet folds. He groaned deeply, squeezing his eyes shut, holding himself back from embarrassing himself by creaming the outside of your pretty cunt. It was like sprinting towards the edge of a cliff and being forced to stop just before soaring to his death.

His dick twitched. With your weight on him, moving your hips agonizingly slowly, up, down and over the head of his cock like that — he was bound to lose his mind. He wanted nothing more than to impale you on his length and fuck you with nothing on his mind than showing you who was really in control here, no matter that you were now on top. However, with your hand on his throat, bullying his cock with your teasing hip rolls, he was completely at your mercy.

Good.

Because he was.

You leaned down, lips brushing his with a taunting smile, “Ohh, come now ‘Toru. You always have so much to say,” his breathing picked up, eyeing you down with nothing but want in his eyes. “What happened to all of that?”

“Please,” he begged, voice cracking in the process as his fingers dipped into your skin with desperation. “I’ll do whatever you want, just fuck me please.”

“Mmm,” you cooed teasingly, grinding down harder against his pathetic cock that laid against his lower abdomen, pretty tip an angry red from the lack of real attention. “But do you deserve it?”

Of course he didn’t but that didn’t mean he was going to say that out loud. He was willing to say whatever you wanted him to just to get his dick wet and either way — you were going to give it to him because seeing him whine and beg was one thing, but actually giving him what he wanted was what you found to be the most fun.

His feet were planted into the mattress, hips daring to move up just to get more of that friction that you were unfairly denying him of. Oh how he wanted to just use your body until he was satisfied, filling your pretty pussy up again and again, ignoring your wants and needs just as you were ignoring his own. Did you deserve it? That question applied just as much to you as it did him. And did it matter?

His cock slid in between your puffy folds, willing to cum just from grinding up against you. Your eyes bored into his, curiously watching your boyfriend surrender to the desperate struggle that was now forced upon him. His hands flew to your hips, tugging you down each time the head of his cock disappeared into the warmth of your cunt. The low grunts that spilled from his lips made your body tingle, but you didn’t make a move to stop him.

Not yet.

“I’m g-gonna cum just like this,” he groaned out, forcing himself to stare down at the way your pretty pussy was now shiny with his pre and your arousal, a dangerous mix. “Fuck.”

“Satoruuu,” you sang in a light tone, quickly grabbing his attention again. “You would rather cum like this than inside of me?” Your face pulled into a fake pout, one he only saw as real through his lust blinded eyes. “That makes me a bit sad.”

If you’d stayed silent any longer, he would’ve thought about using your thighs or your tits to cum. You were being so rude a moment ago, he would’ve had no choice. Now you were offering him what he’d wanted the entire time. Your generosity always did come with a price. He couldn’t think of what that was going to be. Like he was really able to think at all at this point.

When you moved to hover over his twitching dick, blue irises flickered up between himself and you, skin itching and fingers prickling with anticipation.

“Please,” he looked at you again, obediently lying there awaiting your next move.

A smile found its way to your lips as you wrapped a soft hand around his length, directing the slick covered tip towards your sweet cunt, teasing him a few times by purposely missing the mark just to hear his breath hitch between attempts. His fingers curled around the sheets of the bed underneath him, eyes almost glossy with frustrated tears until he felt the kiss of warmth that came from you finally sinking down, little by little, onto him.

His moan was louder than yours, face twisted up in such a mesmerizing sight. Now that you didn’t need to hold him while letting him stretch you open, you chose to witness the way he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth, letting the blood rush to his neck and covering the skin in blots of red. His skin was beginning to glint with sweat, face flushing and chest heaving with long low breaths. He looked so pretty underneath you.

You couldn’t wait to ruin him.

Once he was fully swallowed whole, you slid your hands up his abdomen to his chest, lightly tweaking at his neglected pink nipples, giggling at the way he shook under your touch. His eyes were closed now, deciding to let his other senses take over. He felt you move up, pitifully slow, before you dropped back down, causing him to cough out a broken moan.

Now you were just torturing him.

“Before you say ‘please’ again, know that I’m still in control. Therefore, I’m allowed to do whatever I please,” your cheeky smile made him sigh, hands taking refuge back at your hips to ground his shattering existence from sinking right into the mattress from the feel of your tight, beautifully silk, walls wrapped so deliciously around him. He’d give up just about anything to keep you right where you were. It was a feeling he’d die for.

“Then I won’t say anything,” Satoru replied, hazy blue eyes focusing on you, “I’ll take whatever you give me.”

Your heart was likely to jump out of your chest from the way he was looking at you. Like you were his diamond in the midst of endless fields of sand. The brightest star in the sky and the warmest sun in the galaxy. His gaze was unwavering, and it almost made you want to look away. He was probably unaware of the amount of power that he held over you. You were never someone to be too vocal about your affection for him. Not for any particular reason other than being too scared to love another man. Especially him.

You knew how busy he could get. What his schedule was like. How dangerous his job was, and how willing he was to risk his life doing it. How, if he left one morning, there was no guarantee he’d come back the following evening. There was no doubt that he was strong enough to hold his own and protect other people but he could also be a bit reckless when he fought and sometimes, that scared you. Sometimes you couldn’t go with him on some missions, so he had to go alone and you were left wondering if he’d even come back.

Worrying about such things would’ve only drove you up a wall so you tried to force those thoughts back down from where they came. Focusing back on the task at hand.

He was your boyfriend now. It wasn’t weird to worry or scold him for things. You now had the right to tell him what was on your mind, no matter what it was about. It was strange, though. Calling him your boyfriend. You two worked so well as friends that now being a couple, you wondered how you were supposed to act around him. What was meant to change or not change?

Suddenly, you felt a slap across your bottom and you blinked, looking back down at him. Satoru had a frown on his face and you knew what he was going to say next.

“Are you overthinking again?”

You were forced to tell the truth. Wasn’t that the key to a successful relationship?

Another blink and you began to smile, dropping your eyes down to your hands on his chest. “Maybe…but I was just thinking about a few things. Nothing to talk about, really.”

“I would love to sit and talk about whatever it is that keeps grabbing at your attention, but can we do that after this?” There was a faint lopsided smile on his face now, hands already moving up your sides, thumbing at your soft skin. “I just really need you to be focused and here with me. Can you do that?”

“Can I do that?” You mused, playing with his nipples again. He twitched under your touch in response, eyes almost closing. “Of course I can. You’re so needy, you know that?”

You didn’t give him a chance to answer when you began rocking your hips again, stalling it right on his tongue as he watched your tits bounce from the motion in front of him. Ultimately became distracted, attaching his lips around one of your neglected nipples. Your hands moved into his soft hair and gripped a handful of it, pushing your chest into his face to let him know to not stop.

Satoru’s thighs twitched against the curve of your ass until they began to shake when you shifted to leaning back, bringing your legs up. You planted your hands on his legs and used them for leverage, lifting yourself up and down on his cock, keeping your eyes on him. His eyebrows were pressed together, chest heaving and eyes fixated on the way your cunt slid along his length with ease. The only sounds that filled the room were your breathy moans and his whiny pleas that fell upon deaf ears as you kept at it until you began to feel your thighs burn.

“Can’t cum like this,” he mumbled, almost missing it over the sound of skin slapping against skin, from each time you sunk down on his cock. “Wanna see you. We need…ah…to switch.”

When you slid back down, you stilled and tried catching your breath. Pushing your body forward again and falling flat against his chest, you felt his upper body vibrate, getting your attention.

He was laughing.

You rose your head at him in curiosity to find a curve at his lips. As drowsy as he looked, you knew that he wasn’t there yet and neither were you.

“Tired?“ he asked, and you graced him with a small nod, eyes falling shut when you felt his lips against the middle of your forehead. A squeak slipped past yours when you felt his hand move across your ass. “Good,” he smirked, “Now it’s my turn.”

Your positions were once again flipped but this time, he settled for turning you on your side, your back meeting his chest. One of his arms snaked across your middle to settle a hand around your waist.

“You always choose the more intimate positions don’t you?”

His deep chuckle against the shell of your ear sent chills down your spine, feeling his lips move against your warm skin.

“You know me so well.”

He didn’t have to spread you open to push himself back in because you did it for him. You tossed a leg over his bent one, parting yourself with nothing but impatience to feel him back inside. He didn’t waste any time pressing the head of his cock past your pretty folds, groaning out into your neck, wanting nothing more than to be back in you as well. Clenching onto him the minute he invaded your cunt, it almost sent him over the edge.

“If you knew what you felt like being wrapped around me like this,” he breathed near your ear again, smirking lazily. “You’d lose your mind too.”

Slightly, you turned your head so that you were able to see him, meeting his hazy blues. “Are you gonna fuck me or would you rather talk for the next 10 minutes?”

His frown made the butterflies in your stomach stir because you knew what provoking him entailed. There was going to be no more talking. Just the sounds of him fucking you to completion and your gratifying moans to translate how good it felt and how close you were getting.

He snapped his hips forward, jolting yours in the process. He repeated that until he met a comfortable pace, burying his face into your neck once more and letting himself get lost in everything that made you, you. The way you tried to conceal your shaky moans, too afraid of being too loud for the neighbors to hear and how your plump ass bounced against him with each thrust he made. The way your curves fit against him just right, like your body was made for him. How you curled a hand around the arm he had around your midsection, desperately wanting to use him to keep yourself anchored to this world. To him.

Everything about you drove him insane and even when you’d finally given yourself to him — every single part of you — he still couldn’t get enough. He needed more of you. He wanted to push his body into yours until he was able to combine your souls into one. Claim your entire essence and being as his, marked forever as the one that saved him from himself. You were his beaming light amongst the black ocean of his heart. Where he was drowning in his inescapable hell, you saw him and pulled him out of it all. How else could he thank you? Being your perfect imperfect boyfriend didn’t seem like enough. He wished to pull the stars down from the night sky and hand them all to you because you deserve something no one on earth could give you. Something only he was capable of giving you.

What was that? What was the very thing he could give you that no one else could? Something he hadn’t already given you?

It had to be a proclamation. He knew of your past with the other men you tried dating and knew none ever worked out because he was in your life now. You were never appreciated the way you should’ve been nor were you given the time that you deserved. You were unlike anyone on earth and yet — you were never treated as such. You deserved more than the petty “i like you’s” and “maybe you’re the one for me” because Satoru was there, desperate to show you that he felt more than that. He was a real man that knew what he wanted, and he wanted you.

Satoru couldn’t stomach the thought of you moving on to someone else. He hated the thought of leaving you behind for an assignment without a way for you to let people know that you were no longer available in any sort of way. Granted, nothing could stop someone from hitting on you no matter how apparent your relationship status was, but you’d best believe he was going to do his best.

And he knew exactly how to do it.

“Marry me.”

Unconditional love from a man that was oh so clearly written in the stars for you. A man that finally found his way to you and wanted nothing more than to make you completely his.

Your breath quickly got caught in your throat, trying to stop your head from spinning to make sure you’d heard him right.

“Satoru…” your eyes landed on him again, but his face was still hidden within the depths of your cozy neck. He kissed your skin with gentleness but continued to fuck you like he was on a mission. A possessive one. You held your moans back to fully connect with the sudden sprout of conversation. “What are you on about? Marry you? Is that what you said?“

His eyebrows furrowed, arm pulling you infinitely closer to his own body, ears blooming red. “Yeah…Marry me.“

“Hey,” you maneuvered to where he was forced to look at you, clearly embarrassed by what he feared your answer was going to be. It didn’t seem like it was going to be good. “What’s the matter? Why are you springing this up right…right now?” You stuttered out, wishing he’d stop for just a second so you could understand what this was all about.

“Nothing’s wrong. I just…” he looked into your eyes and felt like he was nearing a sharp cliff except, instead of being scared like he usually would’ve been, he was ready to leap right off of it. Arms out and ready to fall into yours. Ready to give you what no one else ever did. “I love you. Like…I’m in love with you.” Your eyes widened. “I just need you to be mine in every way possible.” His head dipped back down, trying to shy away from the shocked look you were giving him. “Wanna skip this boyfriend-girlfriend bullshit and just put a ring on your finger already.” He finally stopped moving his hips and smiled, pressing his cheek against your shoulder. “Just marry me, will ya’? We’ve known each other for a really long time. What’s skipping a few more chapters gonna do?”

“I…” You’d only just gotten used to being in an official relationship with him and now he was proposing to you? It was fast. Too fast, in fact, and again — you were the logical thinker between the two of you. He clearly didn’t like using his head. Was more fond of letting his heart do the deciding instead. Making such a lifelong decision wasn’t an easy one. Boyfriends in the past were merely flings on a flimsy promise of there one day being something more. You’d never met anyone that loved you the way Satoru was prepared to. A ring was materialistic but a promise to love you and only you for a lifetime — it was forever. The kind of promise that you couldn’t break no matter what. You viewed marriage as something sacred and long lasting. Not something done from a whim but because you’d fallen in love, and needed a bigger more real promise to keep that love alive.

You were prepared to deal with the fact that, one day, Satoru wouldn’t come home from a mission. As his girlfriend, it would’ve made things easier to handle but as his wife — that was asking for a little bit more. You were meant to love him above all else and place him in the most special part of your heart. A part so fragile, so small, so naked and vulnerable — a place not even seen by the bare eye or the best microscope in the world. A place reserved for that lifelong partner you were meant to die alongside with. You weren’t sure if you were ready to open that place inside of you just yet but truth is, were you ever going to be ready?

Falling in love was risky. It wasn’t about being ready. It was about everything that came with loving someone completely. Till death do you part.

But like a logical thinker, you tried to balance the stakes and whims that came from making such an important decision when that was exactly where you kept failing. Love…was risky. It wasn’t something you could predict or follow. Love was reckless; perilous even. You’d fallen into its trap and now you were finally being put to the test.

What was your answer?

“I…”

“Don’t worry about it,” he quickly said, feeling regretful. “It’s fine. I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that. I mean,” he sighed, “it’s too fast anyway. I asked you to be my girlfriend and now I’ve asked you to be my wife.” He dryly laughed, wanting to just disappear from the room altogether. “I can’t help but make a fool of myself I guess.“

“Yes.“

He stopped rambling and stared at you, almost feeling the air still around him. “Yes…what?”

When you started to move around, Satoru pulled out of you and let you turn to face him, his breath hitching at finally being able to see your face the right way. Your hand fell softly onto his cheek giving him a reassuring smile, heart racing within your chest.

What was your answer?

“Yes. I’ll marry you.”

His bottom lip quivered and you couldn’t fight back a giggle watching a tear gather in one of his eyes, wasting no time tumbling across his cheek and onto the pillow he was laying on.

“You…you mean it? You’re saying yes? You wanna marry me?”

“Yes silly,” you pecked his lips, pulling at the fat of his cheek. “I will marry you…on one condition.”

His crystal blue eyes sparkled with excitement, arms already finding their places around you, pulling you against him.

“Anything, baby. Anything you want.”

You licked your lips before releasing a small breath, “You have to sell your penthouse. As your wife, I would like for us to live in a real home. A home that we can call ours with enough rooms…for our future…kids?” You let the question hang in the air, hoping it was something he wanted too. For as long as you’d known him, he always seemed to stay in very luxurious apartments. With him also being a sorcerer, he barely lived in any of them. You knew that part wasn’t going to change much if any, but a home was something you weren’t really willing to compromise on. His penthouse was surely nice, even though you hadn’t seen it, but as a married couple — it made more sense to build a life together in a bigger home with a nice yard. Maybe with a dog too. Or a cat.

Satoru gave you a flat look, almost surprised by your response.

“Is that it?”

Your face flushed with heat, fidgeting in his arms, “I mean yeah, uh… I was thinking that was going to be something I’d have to fight for since you’ve only lived in apartments. Sure it’s a pretty big change for you, right?”

He hummed and kissed your nose, eyes capturing yours, “Mmm, you’re right. It will be. I mean, having a real girlfriend was a major change but now a fiancé, future wife? With a nice big house? Kids? Hmm,” you giggled again as he looked thoughtful, holding you close to him. “I think it’ll feel like a new life, honestly. So yeah. Pretty big change but I’m ready for it. Ready to be your husband. God, I just realized something.”

You wrapped your arms around his neck, smiling warmly, “Uh oh. That’s never good.“

His broad shoulders shook with laughter, “Relax,” he whined. “I realized that I’ll get to make sweet love to you all the time now.” He smirked, pecking your lips once, twice and another. “Feel like the luckiest man alive.”

“Maybe,” you bit into your lip, letting your nails scratch along the upper part of his back, feeling his hands circle at yours. “-–we should start that lifelong journey right now. Let tonight be our first of many, yeah?”

“Your brain is just so sexy,” he dove down to your neck, biting and nipping at a few places he knew were your weak spots. Your back arched against his hands, letting out a small moan. “Kinda like the way you think, pretty.” He moved his lips to your ear, grinning devilishly. “Maybe I’ll do you one better and put a baby in you right now.”

You gasped but before you would have responded, you were turned back over onto your back just like you two started the night out, and watched your hungry fiancé hover on top of you. He used one of his hands to grip at the headboard once more, and peered down at you with dark blues and a conniving smile.

“Ready to be a mommy, baby? Because quite frankly, with how hard I’ve been for the past 20 minutes,” he used his free hand to lift one of your legs up and on his shoulder, kissing at your calf without cutting eye contact. “I definitely won’t be able to pull out.“

You let your hands travel up his toned abdomen, up and over his chest and back down, fingertips teasing the head of his cock. His eyebrows creased together as he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth. His face was once again flushed and so was his tip, glistening and aching to be touched or inside of you again.

“Then how about you don’t,” you replied and his eyes were instantly back on you.

“You mean…”

You smiled, “We’re going to be married soon anyway, and I have faith you’d make a pretty decent dad. Wouldn’t you agree?“

His dick twitched against the palm of your hand. To you, it almost looked like he was salivating and touched at the same time. It was cute.

“God, I love you so fucking much,” Satoru mumbled before he bent down and closed his mouth on yours, groaning as he lined himself back up to your cunt, wasting no time pushing himself back in.

And like a missing puzzle piece, he fit perfectly.

With your nails dug deep into his muscled back and his lips on yours, cock so deep it was like he was bullying your pretty pussy to open back up for him — you felt like you were floating on cloud nine. Even though he held the headboard tight in his hand, it kept slipping and hitting the wall each time he slammed his hips into yours. Neither of you paid any mind to it and eventually, somewhere in the midst of it all, he ditched the effort and focused on you. He chased his high and snuck a hand down to your sensitive nub, giving it quick circles that had you moaning so loud, you were almost positive you were going to get an eviction notice this time from the noise.

“Gettin’ close pretty girl?” Satoru said against your lips, smirking at the way you couldn’t keep your mouth closed even when it counted the most.

“Uhuh–,” you indulged him, unable to form any actual words at the moment.

The headboard thudded loudly against the wall the faster he went and soon, he felt his balls tighten up, finally releasing his load into your fertile cunt, feeling you squeeze around him with a grip as tight as a rope. Burying your face in his neck as he did with you, you kept yours legs wrapped tightly around him as you panted and whimpered. You shook in his arms, walls fluttering around his cock. He held you tightly, kissing at your slightly damp skin, rocking his hips slowly to ride out both of your orgasms.

After a few quiet moments, he pulled out of you and kissed your thighs before moving off of the bed, telling you that he’d be right back. You didn’t miss him for long when he padded back into the room with a warm, clean towel.

“Not like I wanna do anything but push all of this back into you but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable so let’s get you cleaned up shall we?”

Your little smile made his heart skip a tiny beat as he moved the cloth across your inner thighs towards puffy folds. He chuckled, watching your legs twitch with each soft touch.

He continued to clean you up in a quiet atmosphere, listening to just your breathing and the way the wind outside howled against the tall windows. The silence almost lulled you to sleep until you felt a pat against one of your legs, causing your eyes to fully open again.

Satoru greeted you with a small smile, “Done.” He shifted back off of bed and pointed a finger at you as he walked away. “Don’t go fallin’ asleep on me. Not until I come back to join you, yeah?”

Your lips formed into a cute pout, bringing a pillow over to hug against your chest as you moved to lay on your side.

“Yeah, yeah. Hurry and come back or you will find me asleep.”

“Ughhh. Alright, alright,” he groaned out like a child as he sulked out of the room, borderline speed walking to hurry back like you told him to.

The bed was so cozy and the sheets felt so warm. It was almost enough to force you to sleep, but you tried your best to stay conscious long enough to hear his footsteps come down the hall. Your face was pushed into the pillow that you were still hugging, so you didn’t see him walk in but heard him. Then you felt the bed dip down in a few places until you felt the heat from his body against your back, and muscled arms encircling you. He pulled you back until you were flush against his chest, his nose finding purchase against the nape of your neck.

His warm breath fanned across your skin creating little goosebumps.

“Still awake?”

“Mm.”

You felt his lips stretch into a smile. “Good.” He tightened his hold on you and closed his eyes. “I really meant it by the way.”

“Meant what?”

He was quiet for a moment. You almost wondered if he had actually fallen asleep on you when you heard him inhale softly.

“That I’m in love with you.”

A smile tried to form but you bit it back, squeezing the pillow in your arms. You could feel your heart begin to race and tried to calm it down enough to give him a decent response back.

“Well…I think you’ll find it a little surprising that I also feel the same way.”

“You’d better,” he grunted, kissing your neck. “I’d be pretty sad if you didn’t. Kinda proposed to you and everything. Would’ve sucked.”

You giggled. “Yeah, it would’ve.”

“My wife…” he said under his breath but you heard him nonetheless. “Now that’s got a ring to it. No pun intended.”

Your silvery laugh made him cough out a chuckle, hiding his face in your back, spreading small kisses along your shoulder.

“You’re so annoying, you know that?”

He smirked before humming, “Mmm, think I’ve been told that once or twice by a pretty lady before. Wait a second…I think I know this pretty lady.”

“Satoruuuu,” you whined, pushing your face further into the pillow, smiling like a schoolgirl.

“Babyyy,” he drew out, clearly teasing you.

Then the two of you heard a faint knocking at the door. Your head popped up, trying to make sure it was a knock you heard. Then it happened again and you looked over your shoulder at Satoru who was already looking at the bedroom doorway, an eyebrow raised.

“Who is that?” You asked, but before Satoru had the chance to say anything, you heard a familiar voice yelling outside your door.

“I know you two are still in there! Just know I’m going to the office tomorrow to file my final complaint on you two horny fuckers! Pack your bags because I am making damn sure you’re out of here by next month! Better fuckin’ believe it!”

After a few very quiet moments, you heard your neighbors front door slam closed and when you made eye contact with Satoru again, both of you bursted out into a fit of giggles.

It was a good thing you and him were going to be looking for houses soon. There was no way you were going to be able to fight to keep your lease after tonight.

Satoru pulled you into his arms so that you were now facing him and kissed all over your face, not missing a single spot.

“Love you.”

You smiled and breathed in the faint hint of cologne that was still stuck to his skin, “Love you more.”

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what ep is this again?! i need to re-watch this 😭

you’re finally awake, sasuke.

ughh seriously this bad for mah heart.. goodness i know there is still few chapters left so you better make them out alive author-chan pls 🥹

Never Let Me Go - Chapter 4

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader

Genre: Zombie Apocalypse AU, Fluff, Smut, Angst, Strangers-to-Lovers, Slow Burn, Slight Horror & Action

Series Summary: A lethal virus has killed 90% of the world’s population and turns 9.8% into zombie-like, cannibalistic mutants who are extremely vulnerable to the ultraviolet rays in sunlight. You and Eren Jaeger are both survivors crossing paths in the cruel world, but together, you’re able to find some beauty in it.

Chapter Summary: As the sun sets below the horizon, the dead roam the earth once again. With only a few knives and guns in your hands, both you and Eren have no choice but to fight back the Darkseekers. You promised each other that you’d survive this, but Eren has already bid you his final goodbye.

Content Warnings: zombies, graphic descriptions of death and murder, explicit sex (cunnilingus, blow job, fingering, hand job, car sex, abs riding, dry humping, unprotected sex, corruption kink, praise kink, etc), use of weapons (guns, knives), substance abuse (use of drugs and alcohol), traumatic past, anxiety attacks, depression, crude words, dark humor, sexual assault.

Poster art by the most talented @rainbuniart on Twitter

The moon is pale and the woods are bone-chillingly quiet.

The trees cast unnerving shadows on the road, swaying from side to side, dancing eerily from the night breeze. There are no screeching owls, no buzzing insects, no yelping frogs. Everything is silent, as if someone has muted the sounds of nature, or turned your ears deaf. The absolute stillness raises the tiny hairs on your nape, causing your inner voice to turn clamorous in your head, louder than a lion’s roar. It reminds you of the death reaper waiting on your doorstep, maybe with flesh between its teeth and dark blood dripping down its chin. 

Ghosts whisper through the wind and Eren’s rapid heartbeat is the only gravity that keeps your thoughts together. You both cuddle close in the rear middle seats, lying down with your bodies facing each other, your temple almost brushing against his collarbones. You thought it would be better to hide in the backseat but Eren reminded you that the last thing you wanted to have was trapped inside a car with a zombie as it would leave you with barely any space to fight. At least this way, you can kick the door open and run if you need to.

Your machete sticks close to your spine while your fingers curl around one of the handguns Eren has lent you. He has placed the shotgun underneath the seat, where you can both easily retrieve it in case of emergency. It holds eight shells in the magazine tube, which is not much but it serves as a reassurance. Hopefully, you won’t need to use it.

None of you dares to speak, not even in sign language. The car windows are too wide but you’ve covered them with clothes and any fabric you can find so they won’t detect your movement from the other side. But the moonlight still seeps through the little holes, painting your skin white and making you feel even more vulnerable with every intake of breath. You don’t have the bravery to take a peek through the glass. All you can do right now is just stare at the same spot of Eren’s shirt, trying to breathe as quietly as possible.

In a desperate need to soothe yourself down, you close your eyes and rewind the moment you shared with him before you both climbed into the car.

“You sure you don’t want to take my magazine?” Eren asked as he offered his spare handgun to you. “I still have three left.”

“No, I’m better with knives anyway. You can make better use of them than me.” But when you held his gun in your hand, it added more comfort than you’d expected. “I really wish we don’t have to use this.”

“We’re not going to,” he consoled you with a smile. But no matter how sweet it was, it wasn’t enough to wash your anxiety away. The sunset was stunning, possibly the most beautiful one you’d ever seen. The sky was ablaze with its fire, streaks of orange painted across cerulean blue. Under different circumstances, watching the evening sun with your lover would’ve become one of your most cherished memories but you felt like you couldn’t breathe. A certain ominous feeling shrouded you like a thick fog, erasing whatever hope you had left. Your heart was thrumming in your ears, your stomach tied in knots.

What if… this is it? You gloomily mused. What if this is the part where we die?

“Hey,” Eren’s gentle call snapped you back. “Can you re-do my hair?”

You were stunned to hear such a mundane question during a moment like this. Searching his eyes, you wondered if he felt just as terrified as you were. But even if he was, on the outside, Eren was fearless—relaxed, even, unlike how he was when he first discovered the truck blocking your path. His boyish grin refreshed your memory of the time when you were about to enter the supermarket in search of food. You remembered how you had accidentally placed your lives on the line back then too, even almost losing him in the process. But you survived, didn’t you? Maybe you could survive this one too.

‘Maybe’ is such a terrifying word. No guarantee, no certainty, only false hope.

“Sure thing, Rapunzel.” You forced yourself to be at ease, even when the load in your chest only got ten times heavier. “Squat down.”

“Why don’t we do it like this?” Instead of lowering himself, Eren scooped you up in his arms, lifting your feet off the ground. A startled gasp escaped you before you tangled your legs around his waist in reflex, your hands circling his neck to maintain your balance. His grin broke wider on his face.

“You serious?” You asked, staring flatly at him. “Did Tom Cruise do this? Are you trying to re-enact his scene again?”

“Oh my God, shut up.” He covered his embarrassment with a roll of his eyes. “I was trying to be romantic.”

“Hmm, yes, I can tell from the way you have your hands plastered against my ass.” 

“I’m just supporting your body so you won’t fall.”

“And you can’t do that without grabbing my ass?”

“It’s just easier this way, Princess.” Shamelessly, he gave you a little squeeze, making you yelp in surprise. “That was cute,” he giggled. “I didn’t know you could squeal like that. So very girly of you.”

“Ugh, you’re so annoying.” But the smile you once feigned morphed into something real. For a moment, you could forget the situation you were in. No, not forget, pretend that everything was okay. Because what if this was your last time doing this with him? Touching his hair, feeling his warmth, exchanging laughter while being in his arms like you were meant to be together for eternity. What if everything was going to end in a matter of hours—minutes, even—and this was the only chance for you to be happy?

Taking a deep breath, you tried to savor every second left.

“Okay, hold still.” Unfastening his hair tie, you carded your fingers through his strands before you tied it up in his usual bun. You patted his shoulders once you were satisfied with your work. “There, all done.”

“Yaaay.” Eren brought you back to the ground, his hands resting a few seconds longer than necessary on your waist before he released you. “Thank you, milady.”

“You’re welcome.”

He had his hand stretched out, fingers stroking the side of your face before he, as predicted, tucked your hair behind your ear. Seeing you bite your lip to prevent your grin from breaking, he asked, “What?”

“Nothing,” you answered. “It’s just… You do that a lot.”

“Do what?”

It was adorable the way he was so oblivious about it. “This.” You gestured to his hand that still lingered on your strands.

You weren’t sure if it was the sunset that painted amber on his skin or if he was simply flustered at the realization. “I’m—I’m sorry.” He retracted his hand immediately, alternating to rubbing his nape to stop him from touching you again. “It’s just…” Landing his eyes anywhere else but yours, he watched his shadow on the ground stretching out underneath his feet. “I can see your face better that way and…” He paused, a few seconds longer than necessary. 

“And?”

“You just look…” His gaze slowly drifted back to you. “So beautiful to me.”

The way he vocalized the words, the sincerity and the softness of it, made your stomach flip in delight but you kept your grin impish. “Do I look beautiful enough to make you want to kiss me?”

He noticeably gulped. “You want me to kiss you?”

You shrugged. “If you want to.”

“God, I want to.” 

In the blink of an eye, his fingers held you firmly by the side of your jaw, lifting your face as he brought his head down. His mouth crashed against yours with enough force to make you stagger on your feet, stealing a gasp from between your lips. He was pushing you against the side of the van, your spine glued to the door, your chest to his. Circling your hands around his body, you raked your fingers down his back, nails scraping against the fabric of his red leather jacket as you separated your mouth to welcome him inside. Eren was an excellent kisser, not simply because of the way he moved his lips but the way he conveyed his feelings through it, pouring his passion, affection, and devotion all at once. You could feel his emotions every time he kissed you. When he was happy, when he felt lonely, when he was needy—you could always tell. But right now, you could feel none of those three.

There was only fear. Fear of the dark, fear of dying, and ultimately, his fear of losing you.

He ended the kiss just as sudden as he started it but he kept his face close enough for his breath to caress your cheek.

“Eren—” 

He kissed you again, effectively swallowing your words even if it was as light as a feather. The sudden change of vigor in the way he touched you made your chest constrict. It was the kind of kiss that you imagined Romeo had planted on Juliet’s lips when he kissed her for the last time before he took his own life in the name of their love. You felt your heart shrivel, sadness bubbling in your chest. 

This wasn’t a kiss. This was him bidding his final goodbye.

Eren gathered you in his arms when it was over, his lips brushing against your temple once before he placed his chin on top of your head. He turned pensive, letting the silence take the lead of the conversation for a moment before he rediscovered his voice. “We should go inside,” he murmured. “It’s time.”

“Just a few seconds more.” You tightened your arms around his waist, burying your face in his chest, breathing in his scent. With your eyes closed like this, it felt like you were at home—protected and safe, drowning in the bliss that only he could offer. “Hold me just a few seconds more, Ren…”

Eren shut his lids too, relishing in the strawberry scent of your hair. “I would hold you forever if I could…”

Your forever didn’t even last ten seconds. You broke away and he rewarded you with a smile. “How are you feeling?”

“So nervous I’m about to pass out, honestly,” you said, which he reciprocated with a small chuckle. “You?”

“Well, let’s say I’m glad I’m wearing my brown pants if you know what I mean.”

“I wish I didn’t.”

Humor vanished at once the second you both stepped inside the car. Eren locked the door, exhaling a deep breath before he faced you with his jaw set. “And now we wait.”

“And now we wait.”

Eren laid himself down on the seat, his legs bent on the knees before you joined him and cuddled close. Swatting the bangs out of your eyes, he whispered, “We’ll survive this.”

“I know.” And you both knew that you were lying to each other. Nothing was certain. It was strange how you felt much braver when you were on your own, as you only had to think about yourself. Only had to fear your own death. If everything fell apart, you just had to plant your own bullet in your head and case closed. But right now… 

“Please don’t die,” you pleaded, landing your forehead on his chest. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you.

As much as he wanted to promise you so, he couldn’t. “I promise you I will never let you go,” Eren said instead. “I’ll protect you with my life.”

“No.” You shook your head. “No, don’t say that. I want you to focus on saving yourself tonight.”

“But—”

“If I see you losing focus because of me and something happens to you—I will never be able to forgive myself.” You tilted your chin upward, meeting his gaze with your consuming one. “Do whatever it is necessary to survive. I know how to fight. I can protect myself. So if you want to promise me something, Eren, promise me that you’ll stay alive. Promise me that and I’ll promise you the same thing.”

You knew Eren could see the fear and uncertainty that were written in your eyes, but you didn’t care. You wouldn’t let him say otherwise.

“Okay,” he said, embracing you close but you stopped him before he could.

You raised your little finger in the air. “Promise me.”

His smile was frail but he hooked his finger around yours. “I promise.”

You’re not sure how many hours have passed since you both laid down in that position but it feels like years. Eren suggested you to sleep as he took the first watch, but you couldn’t catch a wink. You’re in the middle of running through your thoughts, going through multiple different scenarios to prepare yourself for the worst when your ears perk up at the slightest noise. The sound of leaves dancing in the wind. The creaking sounds of branches being stepped on. The footsteps on the ground.

Then the snarlings.

You lift your face at the same time Eren tucks his chin, locking his gaze with yours. They’re here. Stay alert. You nod in silence, all your muscles tautening at once as you feel the suspense choking you. The noises grow louder with each second passing by, driving you even more to the edge. You can feel your heart rising to your throat, the weight in your chest suffocating you. Eren shifts his hand from your waist to your ear, pressing his palm against it so he can muffle their eerie growls along with the sound of their feet being dragged across the concrete. You both keep your eyes on each other, communicating in silence and bated breath. 

Don’t move. Don’t make a sound. We’ll be okay.

He speaks with his eyes and you chant the words like prayers in your head, hoping your inner voice would sound louder than their wails. Your fingers tighten around your weapon, and Eren does the same with the handgun resting in his right palm. He’s taken the bandage off his hand, wearing both of his leather fingerless gloves just like you, as he can’t afford to have his gun slipping off his grip. None of you lift a muscle. None of you should, because by the sound of it, there are more than three of them outside. 

Their footsteps grow fainter, but you don’t let your heart rest easy. Not yet. Not until sunray can pierce through their decayed skin. How many minutes or hours are left till the break of dawn? You wonder anxiously. If they find out we’re here, we’ll—

A hand smashes against your window, hard enough that the sound rumbles through the night like a thunderclap. No matter how much you’ve prepared yourself for it, your body still jolts in reflex. Eren slaps one hand against your mouth, his eyes shaking in horror. 

Be still.

You let out a shuddering breath through your nose, eyes closing shut when the same hand slams again, repeating the motion. One of the shirts that you used as a curtain slips off the handgrip, leaving one window exposed. The moonlight drenches your bodies, your presence exposed.

They can see us. The terror in your eyes says it all. Eren, they can see us! What are we going to do?

You see him swallow, his bottom lip quivering. You both try to breathe as little as possible. Maybe if we play dead, they won’t notice we’re here. Three seconds pass by in silence with invisible hands strangling your necks. You wish you could hear their footsteps marching away but what you hear is another thunderous bang.

And the window starts to crack. 

The Darkseeker is now hammering its head against the glass, again and again, and again until your biggest fear transforms into reality. Lured by the noises, another Darkseeker appears on the other side of the car, slamming its entire body against the door, growling like a starving beast. The car is being rocked back and forth. They know.

You both sit upright at the same time, adrenaline pumping through your veins. With the ruckus they’re making, they’re only going to attract more of them to your spot. “We need to kill them fast!” Eren shouts, snatching the clothes away from the windows. “Aim for their heads. We can’t afford to waste bullets or we’ll—”

You both freeze in an instant, petrified to your bones.

There are five of them. Then six. Then seven. Then you stop counting.

They’re slamming heads and blood-stained hands against the windows. Without needing words to communicate, you aim the gun to your right while Eren aims to his left. Drawing a sharp breath, you both pull the trigger at the same time.

Two bullets pierce through the windows, tempered glasses shattering into tiny, blunt pieces at once. Eren’s lead makes a nest on its head but he already shoots another one before its body hits the ground, targeting another Darkseeker that tries to break inside through the opening. He’s always better with his aim than you are, and it’s easier to land a clean shot when these corpses are plastered against the window. Three bullets are shot and three corpses lay cold on the ground, cloudy white eyes staring vacantly at the moon. 

Though not as successful, you manage to shoot two right in the heads, wasting a couple more bullets than Eren did. But without the glass separating you, they can easily break through. A Darkseeker lunges toward you, its body leaning halfway inside the window before another one follows. The cracking sound of their bones can be heard as they try to fit through the frames, four hands stretching out, clawing against your chest. You shoot another bullet, the metal pierces through its brain, sending the first body to slide down the window. As if triggered, the other Darkseeker drives itself in with more force, its fingers clamp tightly around your wrist, making it impossible for you to point your gun. Opening the car handle with your free hand, you kick the door open with as much strength as you can muster, sending the corpse to fall on its back. You jump out of the car, aiming the gun at its head, and ending its life for good. You’re about to breathe in relief when a zombie jumps from the roof, tackling you down to the concrete.

Eren hears your surprised screech and his blood runs cold but he can’t afford to lose focus, not when a Darkseeker is close enough to spray saliva on his face. He takes a shot only to find that he’s run out of bullets. Cursing under his breath, Eren unlocks the door, pushing it open with brute force until the two of them topple to the ground. With hasty hands, he snatches a loaded magazine from his thigh harness, jamming it into the gun. But a Darkseeker grabs a hold of his leg, yanking him out of the car before he can take his aim.

You are separated, fighting your own battles, protecting your own lives. Eren is facing two Darkseekers at once, while you’re trapped underneath a zombie who’s twice your size. The corpse tries to bite your neck but you push your gun inside its mouth. You pull the trigger but there’s only a click that can be heard. The Darkseeker slaps the pistol out of your hand and you’re panicking. In this position, with your back pressed flat against the pavement, your machete is out of reach. You have a knife glued against the side of your thigh, but you need both of your hands to keep the zombie away. 

You can hear gunshots from the other side of the car, and for a split second, you feel relieved, knowing that Eren is still alive and fighting. You try to roll your opponent over to its back, using the same method you used to knock Eren off of you during your first encounter. But the zombie is much stronger, much bigger, and you’re losing your strength. The hands you land on its chest to keep its teeth away from your skin are growing weaker by the second. 

Eren, help!

You grind your jaw, teeth-gritting as you try to restrain yourself from saying it out loud. You don’t want him to lose focus, not when his life's on the line. But the Darkseeker’s weight is crushing your body, making it almost impossible for you to breathe. How much longer can you keep this up? 

Eren feels like his heart is about to break through his rib cages. He’s taking too long, and you haven’t made a sound. Please, he begs in his head. Please be okay. 

Another Darkseeker attacks from his blind spot, wrapping its arm around his neck from behind, getting ready to latch his teeth on his shoulder. Moving purely on instinct, Eren snatches another gun from his belt and shoves its barrel against the underside of its jaw. He pulls the trigger, the shot deafens him as his bullet makes a hole through its mouth before it punctures its brain.

Two more, he breathes out heavily, his ears ringing. Two more and I’ll be there to save you.

With two pistols in each hand, he aims them both toward the Darkseekers’ chests. Usually, he would remind himself not to spend more bullets than necessary but his desperation to save you dulls his ability to think straight. He can’t waste a second. He needs to know if you’re okay. Their movements are too fast and he knows better to aim at their chests instead of their heads as it would reduce the chances of him missing his shots. He pulls the triggers repeatedly, shooting two bullets at the same time, watching the way they drill holes in their bodies. He can’t kill them on his first try but he tries again and again until eventually, the bullets find home in their hearts and they collapse to the ground. Both handguns in his hands are now empty but he doesn’t stop to reload. He doesn’t have time. Eren doesn’t even let himself breathe. 

Pivoting on his heels, he dashes toward your spot, his eyes largening in dread when he sees a Darkseeker’s face hovering just a couple of inches from your neck. With that much adrenaline rushing to his head, his brain stops functioning. All he knows is that in a matter of seconds, that zombie will have your flesh between its teeth and it will be over for you both. Instead of jamming another magazine, Eren tosses his guns away and charges forward. He tackles the Darkseeker by its waist, their bodies rolling on the ground, his skull slammed against the hard concrete. 

You spin to your stomach, coughing and gasping loudly for air. Blood as dark as the night painted your faces and soaked your clothes but you don’t taste copper on your tongue. You’re safe.

But Eren is not. He’s pinned to the ground, his hands gripping tightly around the zombie’s wrists, trying to fend it off. His hold slips and the Darkseeker sinks its teeth into his shoulder. “Fuck!”

There’s no time for you to look for his gun. Dashing to his spot, you reach for your machete and you plunge it against its back, driving it straight to its heart. Within two seconds, the Darkseeker’s body falls limp above him and the night suddenly turns quiet again. That zombie was the last one of them. 

“Eren!” You sink to your knees, using both hands to push its body away from him. With frantic hands and shaky eyes, you hurriedly check on him, forcing him to sit on the ground with your hands fisting his shirt. He hisses, groaning lowly as he places a hand to cover his shoulder.

Your fear coils in your stomach, so much, that you can feel the world shaking before it narrows down to one thing: Eren’s face turning as pasty as the moon. You weren’t even trembling this hard when you nearly had your life taken away. 

“Let me—” You swallow thickly. “Let me take a look.” 

Eren releases his grip from his shoulder, letting you push back his leather jacket to examine the injury. You hold your breath, screaming prayers inside your head. Please. God, please, don’t let there be bite marks on him. I beg you.

With his jacket falling loose on his shoulders, you drag the collar of his white shirt to the side. Its teeth were sharp enough to tear his jacket apart, but they didn’t impale his skin, only leaving angry red marks on his shoulder. It takes you a couple of seconds to let it sink in before you can finally breathe again.

“Oh, thank God,” you whimper, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and cradling his head close. He’s not bitten. He’s not bitten. He’s okay. We’re okay. You can’t form a word no matter how ear-splitting your thoughts are. You just embrace him tightly with all the strength you can muster, teeth grinding as you prevent yourself from crying. Knowing that he’s safe—that he’s still here, warm and breathing in your arms—feels a million times more relieving than the fact that you’re still alive.

A bit baffled by how you act, Eren returns your hug and cards his fingers through your hair. “Princess..?”

“You’re okay,” you say, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “You’re not bitten.” We can still be together.

He smiles timidly to himself. “Still hurts like hell, though.”

“Yeah, no kidding,” you try to laugh through your tears. Quickly erasing them away with the pad of your thumb, you pull away, grabbing him firmly by his upper arms. “Why didn’t you use your gun?”

“I was—I didn’t think there would be enough time for me to reload—”

“So you just threw yourself at it?!” You almost bark, startling him with the sudden change in your attitude. “Eren, that was such a reckless thing to do! You’re lucky you’re not bitten!”

“I panicked.” He reaches out a hand to stroke your cheek. “I thought I was going to lose you.”

You can relate, of course. If the roles were reversed, you would’ve done the same thing but it doesn’t change the fact that he almost sacrificed his own life for your sake. “Thank you for saving my life,” you say. “But don’t you ever try to save me like that again, okay? If a situation like this happens again, I want you to run.”

“And live the rest of my life without you? Don’t be ridiculous.”

“At least you could live. You promised me that.”

“It only feels like living when I’m with you,” he says, fingers framing your face. “Princess—”

You stop him by gripping tightly around his wrist. “You’re saying you’d rather die?”

“What will you do then?” He challenges, peering deep into your eyes. “Will you abandon me if that’s the case?”

You tighten your jaw, releasing a harsh breath. Running away from the topic, you swat his hair away from his eyes, observing his features with your gaze turning tender. “How are you feeling?”

“Could’ve been better,” he replies, still a little bit out of breath, just like you. “My palm is bleeding again.” You notice a few trails of fresh blood running down his wrist, staining his jacket’s sleeve.

“Okay. I’ve got some bandages we can use. Right now, we just need…to…” Your words die on your tongue as you look past Eren’s shoulder. There, in the distance, perhaps a few hundred meters away from you, are Darkseekers. There are more than you’ve ever seen gathered in one place. Twenty, no—maybe thirty. And they’re running.

They’re running toward you.

Your adrenaline rush kicks back in, dilating your pupils, and heightening your senses. With your heart rate increasing rapidly, you yank Eren back to his feet. He’s paralyzed by the sight of the Darkseekers sprinting at such high speed he’s never seen humans do. 

“Focus!” You snap at him. “Grab your guns and get into the car!”

“How are we going to—”

“Now!”

Eren complies with cold sweat breaking on his temples. But the second he takes a step forward, pain shoots through his entire body like a knife tearing his skin apart. His heart drops as he looks down, eyes glued to his right ankle. Is it broken? Or is it just a sprain? He can’t tell. The only thing he knows is that he won’t be able to run fast. And when you can’t run… 

You’re just as good as dead. 

Fuck. He tries to fight through the stinging ache, focusing on gathering his guns from the ground and returning to the car. You don’t notice the way he limps as you hasten to the other side of the vehicle. Throwing himself at the passenger's seat, Eren jams the magazines into his handguns, preparing for the worst. You sit behind the steering wheels, shoving your car key inside the hole and the engine blares through the night. You’re going to attract even more of them, but you don’t care. This is the only way you can think of to survive.

“What are you going to do?” Eren asks, fighting the chaos of his fear.

“I’m gonna run them over.” Your voice, unlike his, is surprisingly calm. “Put on your seatbelt.”

“What?!” But despite his protest, he does as he’s told. “There’s like thirty of them—we can’t just—”

“I’m not gonna sit here and die!” 

You step on the gas, driving your foot all the way down. The sudden rise of velocity sends you both backward, bodies plastered against the seats, your heart racing just as fast. You’re getting closer to them, your headlights shining across their rotten flesh. With the distance provided, your speed manages to reach seventy miles per hour before— “Hold on!”

A moment of impact. In three. Two. 

One.

It’s shockingly jarring and loud when you crash against them, your fingers tightening around your steering wheel so you wouldn’t lose control. Most of the Darkseekers are thrown back, tossed to the side of the road while some of them are hurled forward to the hood of your car. “Shoot them!” you shout, but Eren already has his guns ready in both hands.

One bullet pierces through the glass and the windshield shatters. Shots after shots are taken repetitively, each one goes straight to their heads. Bodies are being smashed under the tires and you don’t slow down. Eren pulls his trigger again but it ends with a click. “Fuck, I’m out of bullets!”

“The shotgun!” You remind him and he unlocks his seatbelt, reaching over to the middle seat to retrieve it. 

A Darkseeker crawls over to your seat from the bonnet and you drive your spear point knife through its face. It’s enough to blind its vision but not deep enough to tear through its brain. Its hand latches around your wrist, almost causing you to swerve the vehicle abruptly. “Eren!”

It’s your luck that he’s returned to his seat just in time. Raising the gun in firing position, he takes a shot and its brain scatters apart. Now lifeless, the body rolls off the hood before it falls and meets the earth.

“Thank you,” you vocalize, your body still trembling in fright. “That was a close one.”

“Don’t mention it.”

You are now ahead of them. Those Darkseekers you ran over, they’re not dead, not until they have their heads smashed to pieces. Some of their limbs are crushed, bones fractured, necks bent in the wrong direction, but it does nothing to them as they no longer have the ability to feel pain. They rise back to their feet, chasing after you.

“We’re just gonna have to drive until the sun comes out,” you utter. “How many bullets do you have left?”

Pumping his shotgun, Eren heavily answers with, “Seven.”

“Fuck.” There are no Darkseekers ahead of you but there are more than fifty behind, chasing after your trail, sprinting out of the woods. “How much longer till sunrise?”

He checks on his phone. “Fifty-two minutes.”

Your eyes automatically drift down to check on the lines on the gas gauge. Eren, watching you from the side, notices the way you’re swallowing your breath. “How much fuel do we have left?”

“We have enough,” you say, though the shiver in your voice betrays you. 

Eren returns his gaze to the road, his jaws clenched tight. He tries to think of ways, not to save his life but yours. “Okay, listen. If the car stops before then, I’ll go out and distract them—”

“We have enough fuel.”

“—in the meantime, you can run toward the woods and hide—”

“Eren—”

“—I won’t be able to fend them off for too long, but I can at least give you a few minutes to—”

“Eren!” Your scream is blood-curdling, silencing him at once. “We’re not going to die, you hear me?” You keep your eyes on the path before you, forced to reduce your speed to forty miles per hour as it would be risky to go faster than that on a serpentine road. “We’ve got enough fuel until sunrise. And even if we don’t, I won’t leave you.”

“Princess—”

“Damn it, you said you wouldn’t let me go!”

“What I meant was I wouldn’t abandon you!” He shouts back, sounding as desperate and as frustrated as you are. “And that’s what I’m doing now! I’m trying to save your life—”

“Well, I’m not leaving you!” It’s almost a sob that comes out of your mouth, startling you both. You don’t expect yourself to break down to tears, but you’ve only ever felt this scared one time in your life before, and that was on the day you decided to drive your knife through your sister’s heart. “I’m not going to leave anyone again!” Hot tears line down your cheeks, running over the dry blood that coats your skin. “I’m not leaving. I’m not letting you go. I’d rather die than—” You choke, your throat constricting. “I will never…” Losing strength, your voice wavers like something seen through water. “I’ll never let you go, Eren… Please don't do this to me, I beg you…”

Eren’s heart thrums painfully in his chest. Only now does he realize that you see him in the same way he sees you. You both value each other’s life more than your own. It’s better to die together than to live by yourself, shrouded in guilt, drowning in regrets. It’s just not an option you can choose.

“Okay…” he says, wetting his lips. “Okay, we’ll stick together.”

You harshly wipe the rest of your tears away with the back of your hand. “We’ll survive this.”

He nods, chanting the same prayer in his head. “We’ll survive this.”

***

The car’s engine starts to sputter, yet the sun remains still in its slumber.

A wave of panic crashes through you but you don’t let it be seen on your face. You’re not fooling anyone else, however, as Eren takes a deep breath and says, “We need to pull over.”

“No.” To your luck, the narrow, winding road has ended, leaving you with only a straight path to take where you can accelerate your car to the maximum speed. 

“Don’t,” he reminds you as you step further on the gas. “If the engine dies—” 

Hydraulic power to the brakes and steering die with it. “I know, but it’s not like I’m planning to stop anyway.”

Funny how you criticize him for being reckless when you’re doing exactly the same thing, probably ten times more dangerous. How laughable would it be if you survived the zombie apocalypse just to die in a car crash? 

You take a glance through the rear-view mirror, trying to see if the corpses are still chasing after you. They’re far behind now, their presence invisible to your eyes. But it will only take less than twenty minutes for them to catch up, you assume. And what if other Darkseekers are lurking ahead of you? What are you going to do when the car stops?

You’ve only begun to think of a solution when you notice a loss in power. No, you beg internally. No. No. No. Please, the sun isn’t out yet.

Eren inspects your expression closely from the side, not saying a word as he can feel his own dread rising to his throat, but he has expected the worst outcome. Unlike you who’s been drenching yourself with hope, he’s given up a long time ago. Right now, he just wishes he could find a way to save you.

The engine dies and it takes a few minutes more before the car finally puts into a complete stop. With tremors in your hands, you unfasten your seatbelt. “We need to run,” you say through chattering teeth, leaning over to the middle seat to snatch your backpack. “If we’re lucky, we can find another car that works. If not, we can hide in the woods. We can climb a tree or something.” You’re not sure if it would work, but zombies are unable to use common sense as humans do as their brains no longer function. They have fast reflexes, strong instincts but you just need to outsmart them to survive. If you can get to a higher ground where they can’t reach, perhaps you can wait until the sun comes out. And you’ll be okay.

We will be okay.

You jump off your seat, placing back your machete to the back of your shirt before you hurriedly march to his side of the van. Eren steps down with his left foot, supporting himself with one hand on the door before he swings his other leg. As expected, he cannot bear his weight on his ankle. He tries to keep a straight face but you notice the pain that crosses his eyes. 

“What?” you ask him, your eyes boring into his. “What happened?”

“I think I broke my ankle,” he utters, stiffening you with his answer. 

“How bad is it?”

“Bad enough for me to be a burden to you.”

You clench your fists. “It’s okay. I won’t abandon you.”

He feebly smiles. “I know.” Which is why this feels ten times worse for me, he adds with regret.

Eren has given up on arguing about it with you. If this is your last moment together, he wouldn’t want to spend it by painting tears in your eyes. He wouldn’t want his name to be spoken through gritted teeth. So he lets you wrap an arm around his waist while he lands his right one across your shoulders. He leaves his bag but he carries his shotgun with him, slinging it securely on his left shoulder. With your lead, he takes a step forward and he stumbles, almost falling to one knee if you weren’t there to catch him. “Sorry,” he says, ashamed for being so powerless. He wanted to protect you and here he is, being nothing more than a liability.

Except you don’t think of him that way, and you never will. He’s your life savior, in more ways than one. He’s the glue that keeps your sanity intact, the gravity that keeps you standing on the ground. Here, being shrouded in his arms, is exactly where you want to be. “It’s alright. Just match your stride with mine,” you advise gently. “One step at a time, okay? No need to rush.”

No need to rush. If only he could find the strength to laugh. Eren nods and he does as he’s told, trying to sync his movements with yours. It’s awkward at first, but once you’ve managed to pass it, you start picking up your pace and maintain it when you both have found your rhythm.  

The first sight of lightness comes into view. A small portion of the sun's rays illuminate the sky and the fainter stars begin to disappear. “Twilight,” you sigh in relief. “It won’t take long until sunrise. We can survive this.”

“Yeah.”

Eren’s palm still bleeds, dripping fresh blood all over the pavement. You wish you could stop for a moment and treat it with care, but you have to keep yourself moving. If you can survive for another twenty minutes, you will be safe. Anything else can come after that.

You’re counting the minutes that pass by in your head. Six, seven—twelve minutes have passed. “Just a little bit more,” you keep saying the words to keep yourself sane. Not sure why, but the panic that once has receded comes crashing back in like waves under a heavy storm, submerging you with it. “Just a little bit more, Ren.”

He keeps himself mute, cold sweat sliding down to his chin. Anything can happen in a matter of seconds, let alone minutes. He wishes he could feel safe, but he can’t. He’s terrified.

And when you stop dead on your tracks, your body frozen as if you were icebound to the ground, the fear in his chest doubled by tenfolds.

You can hear their rapid footsteps. They’re closing in.

And they’re closing in fast.

As your breathing turns labored, you take a look at your side. There are pine trees you can climb, but how can you get him up there? You’re not strong enough to pull him up, and he can barely stand on his own feet.

Fuck, what am I going to do?

Eren’s heart breaks at the sight of you biting hard on your lip to the point it almost bleeds as you switch from one scenario to another. “Princess—”

“Shut up,” you snap back, already figuring out what he’s going to say. “I’m not abandoning you.” You spin your head around, facing him. “But we have to run. Can you endure the pain for a moment?”

He gives you two firm nods and you both race as fast as you can. Eren feels like his ankle is about to snap like a twig, crushed underneath the pressure. It’s fucking painful, every step he takes feels like he’s walking on daggers. He groans in agony, and you hold him closer to your body. “I’m sorry, just a bit more.” Their growlings reach your ears, just as strident as your increasing heartbeat but you keep yourself focused. 

“Princess!” Eren shouts, terror in his voice. “We can’t outrun them!” 

He’s right. There is no other way. Stopping abruptly, you spin on your heels, snatching your machete from your belt. “Then, we’ll fight back,” you say, jaw clenching at the sight of Darkseekers sprinting towards you. They are not as many as they were before, probably ten or twelve, chasing after you at different speeds. But you only have seven bullets and a few knives. Eren can no longer fight and your legs are shaking underneath your weight due to exhaustion. There’s no way you can win this. This is it. This is the end. 

You think your body will start trembling in fear, but it doesn’t.

You think that when the grim reaper stands before you, his scythe ready to swing right through your neck, you’ll start pleading for him to spare your life. But you don’t. You’re not afraid of him. You welcome him like an old friend.

Because you’re not alone anymore, are you? Eren is here. And maybe just like him, it’s not death that you’re terrified of. It’s loneliness. It’s the feeling of surviving just to exist, without any purpose, without any emotions. When you met him, everything changed. With him, you’ve found everything you wanted to make your life worth living. 

It was a good life, these last five months you’ve shared with him. You were happy, weren’t you?

I was, you smile to yourself. I truly am happy.

So, there you are, standing with your hands steady. You take a step forward, bracing yourself as you shield him with your body. He’s shouting something at you, perhaps telling you to escape or stay behind him like always. His voice rings clamorously through the air, but to you, he sounds like he’s underwater, trying to mouth the words that you can’t hear. Your thoughts are louder, and they don’t speak a word of fear. They only speak of regret.

You wish you could say a word or two, maybe bid him goodbye, or tell him how grateful you are for his presence. For giving you so much joy, more than you deserve. For taking care of you. For loving you. But you’re running out of time.

Ah, you realize, as a Darkseeker, one that runs the fastest among others, lunges himself toward you. I haven’t told him I loved him yet.

Eren’s gunshot blares through the sky as you fall onto your back. The corpse hovers above you, its teeth dripping saliva but you slice its throat with your knife and kick its body away with your knee. Eren takes a few more shots, shooting each one right on the head as you prepare yourself for another. Two more zombies hurl themselves toward you, sending you both to the ground almost at the same time, his shotgun trapped between its teeth, your machete plunged deep into its chest but not quite hitting its heart.

They said during a near-death event, your life would flash before your eyes but now you see that it’s not true. You don’t see your entire past spooling out before you. You don’t see a replay of all the most significant moments in your life. You only see him.

Eren.

You see his smile and his adorable crooked teeth that peek behind his impish grin whenever he leaves you baffled with his witty retort. You see his eyes, emerald with flecks of strength—the kind of green that comes only as summer advances. You see his kindness, his adoration, and the love he holds for you, the fire of his passion that almost burned him whole—the same passion that consumed you just as much only a night ago.

And you wish you could turn back time and respond to his confession with honesty. Because the truth is, all those words he said to you—about how he missed you every second of the day, how he thought about you both in his wake and his dreams—you feel that too. When the words “There’s no life without you,” slipped out of his mouth, you heard them well and you felt it so much within your heart that you wondered if it was you who spoke the words. 

Eren gives your life meaning. He gives you more happiness than you could take.

I should’ve told him, is the only thing you can think of when you feel your stamina decreasing fast. I should’ve told him that I’d been in love with him too. 

God, I wish I could tell him now.

The zombie is clawing its nails against the front of your throat, your machete stuck between rotten flesh. Maybe it’s time to give up. You’ve fought long enough. Maybe you can use yourself as a distraction. You’re not sure how, but if you can at least give Eren a chance to escape, then it would be worth it. You just need to—

Time stands still. Suddenly, all you can hear is your ragged breathing.

The Darkseekers stop moving. They raise their heads, their white eyes staring straight at the horizon, their jaws hanging low on their faces, black saliva dribbling down their chins. They begin to wail then they run away abruptly, scattering into the woods, desperate to find shades to protect themselves from sunlight. It happens so fast that it leaves you both stunned. 

What just happened?

You and Eren are left panting on the ground. The rising sun casts a rosy hue across the morning sky, its first rays lighting up your skin. 

Sunrise.

You tilt your head to the side, catching Eren doing the same thing at the same time. Locking gazes, he mumbles out, “We’re alive…” He sounds like he’s in disbelief, his body is still in shock like he’s been trapped in a nightmare for so long and he’s woken up by a slap.

You’re not any better. Perhaps it’s because your heartbeat is slowing down significantly that you start to feel delirious. Or maybe it’s because your adrenaline rush is dissipating so fast from your veins, that it leaves you incapable of thinking straight. Because out of all the words you can say, you find your lips forming the three words you didn’t think you were allowed to state.

“I love you.”

Eren’s eyes widen at once, his breath leaving him as his lips part in a silent gasp. For the first three seconds, that’s all he can do. His eyes shake as they peer deep into yours, trying to unravel your every secret but he realizes he doesn’t have to. You’ve laid everything out in the open. For once, you let yourself be as transparent as the dew that kisses the leaves in the morning. You let him peer into your soul, let him understand that you're saying the words not simply because you almost died with regret for not saying them out loud. You say it because you feel it in your bones. You say it because you love him. 

And once he understands that, his expression changes. “I love you.”

You both meet each other halfway, bodies lying on your sides, faces trapped between eager hands as you capture each other’s lips. “I love you.” Tears dampen your eyelashes as you whimper the words, your lips moving against his smile. “I love you.” You sound like a broken record to your ears, but it’s a lullaby that he’ll remember until his last dying breath. 

I really love you, Eren.

He responds to each one with the same words followed by a whisper of your name, and you can feel it. This joy, this sense of completion as if you have finally achieved what you’ve been searching for your whole life. For the first time, you allow yourself to feel the happiness that he paints on your lips. You receive the affection that he carves into your heart, and you accept the love he gives you.

You accept the love that you deserve.

***

Eren has survived more near-death experiences than a person could have in a lifetime. Every time he did, he always questioned himself: Why do I have to try so hard to live? Why can’t I just let myself die? What’s the point of surviving when the whole world burns to ashes?

Will it have any meaning if I live through another day?

Today, he finally can answer his questions with yes, I’m glad that I’m alive. I’m glad that I can still bask under the sun, to have air in my lungs, to feel like I still have a soul inside me. To feel like I’m human.

And if he closes his eyes, all he can see is you. You make me feel human again.

You’ve brought him hope, his sense of purpose. Eren no longer lives to survive. He lives to spend every second of every hour he has left with you, creating memories, exchanging love and passion, and neverending bliss. He wants to embrace these feelings for the rest of his life—engulfed with joy, a sense of relief, and endless gratitude. He doesn’t feel like he just escaped death. He feels like he’s being reborn.

And God, it has never felt this good to be alive.

Eren looks to his side, blatantly staring at you with a goofy smile on his face. He’s dumbstruck—no, lovestruck at the sight of you. You’re the woman who stayed with him till the end, the woman who fought till her last breath, protecting him with no fear written in your eyes. You’re the woman that he loves, and the woman that loves him back. The woman that nurtures the flickering spark of hope inside his chest into a blazing flame. The woman that allows him to do the same to you.

“What?” You ask him with your cheeks burning bright, knowing that he’s watching you closely. You keep your eyes on the road with both hands on the steering wheels of your newly discovered SUV. It’s an old Chevrolet with dents all over the car but you consider yourself lucky enough to even be able to find one. It has enough fuel for you both to reach Aspen Pine before noon. You can find another car in the city if you need to. 

“Nothing,” Eren replies, still smiling sheepishly to himself. “I’m just, uh… Hoping you’ll say it again.”

“Say what again?”

“You know…” He scratches his nose, the blush that blooms on his face matches the pinkish glow of sunrise bursting through the clouds. “The three words you said to me earlier.”

Your ears are buzzing from how much blood is pooling on your face. An hour has passed since you both confessed your feelings to each other and yet, it feels like a decade has gone by where it becomes awkward for you to restate the words. Funny how you have all the bravery to face flesh-eating monsters, but when it comes to showing affection, you’re curling yourself into a ball of shame. 

“What three words?” You switch gears. “Any three words? Like, ‘Shut up, stupid?’ Or ‘You’re so annoying?’ Or maybe ‘Keep saying that and I’m gonna kick you out of my car?’”

He pouts—actually pouts like a child. “The last line isn’t even three words.”

“It is if you split them into four parts.”

“Ugh,” he groans, rolling his eyes. “Princess, you said it, like, ten times in a row an hour ago.”

Your cheeks are replaced by fire at this point. “Well, then you’ve heard enough to keep yourself satisfied for a lifetime.”

“I want to hear it!” You thought it would be impossible for a 193-cm tall brawny man to whine like a three-year-old, but there he is. “Can’t you just say it one more time?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“‘Cause, it’s embarrassing.”

“Then I’ll say it first. You can just reply to me right after.” He said that but you can see him releasing a shaky breath from the corner of your eye, trying to mentally prepare himself. Although he has thought about them for months, the words still feel foreign in his head, let alone on his tongue. But Eren turns his body to face you, his gaze intense enough to burn holes. “I love you,” he says, sounding too formal and rigid to be romantic. It even feels a bit ridiculous, but you’re too nervous to laugh.

You tighten your jaw, your lips are pressed tight into a white line. You can’t. No matter how much you try, you can’t just say the line like that. It’s just so uncharacteristic of you to do so.

Eren waits with a palpitating heart. He feels like he just confessed to you all over again, not knowing whether you’d reject or accept his feelings. When three seconds pass by in silence, his blush smears right to his ears. “W-why are you not saying anything?!”

“Because it’s embarrassing!”

“But now I look like an idiot!”

“You are an idiot,” you retort, holding back the laughter that bubbles inside your chest.

His face matches the color of his red leather jacket. “Stop laughing!”

“I’m—” You clasp your lips tightly when you feel a giggle threatening to break free. “I’m not laughing.”

“Fine, you know what? I’m not gonna say it again until you say it first,” Eren says with a loud huff, throwing his face to the side and grousing like a child with his arms folded on his chest. 

“Fine by me.”

A muscle in his jaw twitches. Glaring at the scenery outside his window, he grumbles under his breath. “Whatever. You’re an idiot.”

“I’m an idiot?” You blurt out, your tone full of mirth. “For what, for not saying I love you?”

You fall into his trap. Without knowing, you say the words he wants to hear, even if the rest of your sentence contradicts its meaning. “I love you too,” Eren says within a split second, beaming at you with a boyish grin. “See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”

“I wasn’t—oh, shut up.” You spit back, tossing him a bar of Snickers to refill the calories he’d burned. You couldn’t carry much stuff in your backpack during your move, only a bottle of antibiotic ointment, some bandages to treat your wounds, a few bottles of water, some carbohydrate bars, and Eren’s favorite snack: Snickers. “Go get some sleep. Aspen Pine is still an hour away.”

“Okay.”

“I’ll stop by at a gas station to get us something better to eat, then we’ll find a house to stay in.”

“Okay.”

“And maybe by then,” you sigh, noticing that he’s still looking at you with the same dopey look on his face. “You can stop staring at me.”

Eren isn’t listening to you. He hasn’t been for a while. “Okay.”

“Ren.”

“Hmm?”

“Stop staring at me!”

“I’m not staring at you,” he tries to argue. “I’m trying to sleep by staring at you.”

“That’s it.” You snatch back his snickers bar with one hand—which he only took a bite from—and wolf everything down in one try. “There. Now, you can eat air for the rest of the day.”

“Wha—Princessssss!”

***

“I thought we were going to the lake?” Eren asks one and a half hours later as you drive past the final exit sign, indicating that you’re now at the border of Aspen Pine. But instead of taking the right turn as you’re supposed to, you’re taking left, changing lanes, and heading toward a new direction.

“There’s a small town nearby,” you answer, taking a gulp of water. Both you and Eren have finished your first bottles, leaving you only with one more each. You need to make a stop soon. “It’s only half an hour away from here. We need to find some weapons. Going through people’s houses will take too much time. I’m sure they have some guns and spare magazines we can steal at the police station.”

“Ah, yeah, that’s a good idea.”

Rather than being a good idea, it’s more likely to be the only option you can choose. Knowing that he can barely walk, it would be suicide for both of you to enter uncharted territories without a gun in his hands. You’re not sure you can protect him with your stomach growling and your muscles begging for some rest either. 

No houses are in sight as you steer through an empty road, only woods surrounding you, with the sharp, sweet, refreshing scent of pine trees and conifers tickling your nostrils. Combined with Eren’s soft breathing as he falls asleep with his arms crossed and his skull resting against the headrest, you can finally have a moment of serenity to yourself. 

That is until you can sense the smell of rotting flesh in the air.

“Eren,” you wake him up with a gentle call. “We’re here.”

The brunette male rubs his eyes away from sleep, squinting them to adjust to the morning light. His body tenses the second his nose picks up the smell. “Darkseekers?” He questions with a frown. “Can’t be. The sun is out.”

You don’t answer him. Slowing down the vehicle, you keep yourself alert to your surroundings, eyes scanning every part your vision can reach.

 Welcome to Ash Ville, a road sign says. We hope you’ll enjoy your stay.

You prepare yourself, inhaling and exhaling. You’re about to march into a town you’ve never stepped a foot in, and as much as it is nice to travel to someplace new, you’re shrouded in nothing but dread. If there’s one thing you’re certain of, not every town stays the same as it was before the outbreak. And within a few minutes, you’re about to find out you're right.

Blockades surround the town, made from barbed wires with thorns and spikes, stained with blood and pieces of rotting, human flesh. “They must have taken their own measures to contain the outbreak the second they heard about what happened in other countries,” Eren says, with which you silently agree. “It was smart of them to think that fast.”

The people in this town had built security perimeters, blocking every entrance to get to the city hall except the main gate. One that you assume used to have local officers identifying each person entering the town. The stone walls are certainly strong enough to keep the Darkseekers away, but the black wrought iron fences, which you thought would’ve been impenetrable, are destroyed, pushed with hard enough forces that they tore open the doors.

You decrease your velocity to twenty miles per hour, trying to find a police station or a supermarket nearby as you drive past the gate. A few meters in, you notice something. 

The people in this town didn’t die from the outbreak. The virus had never gotten to them.

They were massacred.

Shivers run down your body as you see corpses after corpses lying down on the street. It’s not the first time you’ve seen something like this. The virus used to be airborne. Once it was inhaled into your lungs, it would attack your body from the inside, and if you were weak, you’d explode, almost quite literally, within minutes after infection. Blood would seep through your pores and your body would decompose so fast, that it would only take less than 24 hours for your skeleton to show. The blood would turn black and it would stain the pavements as if the night had melted and drenched the earth.  

But that is not what happened here. The ground that stands before your eyes right now is painted crimson.

“The Darkseekers must have managed to break through the gate.” Eren’s voice turns deep with regret, his striking viridescent eyes turn dark as they’re painted over by anguish. “To think that they managed to slaughter the whole town in one night…”

A string of questions pops up inside his mind and it shows vividly on his face. What if the Darkseekers never left? What if they’re still here, watching our movements, waiting until the sun goes down before they rip our throats apart?

“Stay within the light,” you assure him, even though your fingers are gripping tightly enough around your steering wheels, enough to turn your nails white. “As long as we stay within the light, we’ll be okay.”

You try to swerve the vehicle to avoid the corpses. You’re not sure how much time has passed ever since the incident, but by the stench of their decaying skin, bodies start liquifying, teeth and nails falling out, maybe it’s been a few weeks. You don’t linger too long to find out.

“Just focus on finding the police station.” You wonder if you sound cold, or seem apathetic to his eyes but Eren doesn’t say a word. The world is cruel but you both have known it since the day you and Eren drove your knives through your loved ones’ hearts. This is nothing new.

It’s a small town that’s brimming with brick storefront housings, chock full of quirky gift shops specializing in crystals and moonstone pendants. The colors are vibrant and warm, and if the world wasn’t ending, this would’ve been a lovely town for you to travel to. But not anymore.

You spot a police station down the road and Eren tightens his grip around his shotgun.

“How many bullets do you have left?”

“One,” he answers. One bullet may seem like it offers nothing but a small reassurance, but knowing how good he is with his shots, one bullet can save a life, whether it's yours or his. Little do you know that Eren only intends to use it to save yours.

“Then wait here,” you order him to stay put as you pull on the handbrake, parking your car recklessly without a care in the middle of the road. There are no bodies around, no corpses lying nearby, and no signs of life. “I’m gonna go inside and check.”

“I’m going with you,” Eren insists almost immediately, his hand ready to lurch forward and seize your wrist if he needs to. It’s to be expected of him, knowing how chivalrous he’s been from day one. 

You don’t want to sound harsh by reminding him that with a broken ankle, he will only become a liability to you but he can be just as stubborn as you are, if not more, when he wants to. “Eren, you can’t walk.”

“I’m not letting you go inside alone.”

You turn your face to the side, watching him with weary eyes. You can see the determination on his face, how he’s not going to change his mind as long as you have your life on the line. Of course, it makes you happy to have someone who cares this much about you but still, it would be a terrible decision to bring him along. “Well, I’m not letting you step down from this car with a broken ankle.”

“Do you think I can just sit here and watch you risk your life for us?”

“Do you think I can just allow you to come with me when you can’t even run?”

He clenches his jaw, hating that he doesn’t have any better argument to fight you on it. “I know I’m no use to you right now, but…” It’s heartbroken to see him this way, to see how much he hates himself for being so powerless, for being such a burden, when all he wants to do is to protect you. “Princess, if something happens to you…” he speaks softly, his eyes losing the bravery and determination that filled them a moment ago. “And I’m not there to protect you as best as I can, I will never be able to forgive myself. I’d rather die trying to protect you than to live on my own.”

Although deep in your heart you feel the same way, you answer with a scoff, “That’s stupid.”

“That’s what I want,” he corrects, staggering you for a second from how solemn he looks. “I don’t want to live with regret. Not anymore.”

There’s a pregnant silence with thick tension stretching between you. Eventually, you release a defeated sigh, folding your arms above the steering wheel before you use them as a pillow to rest your forehead on. “Why do you never listen to me?” You ask, sounding much more exhausted than intended. “I’m trying to do what’s best to keep us alive.”

“We’re stronger in numbers,” Eren says, a sudden juvenile grin breaks on his lips, and you’re reminded of the words he said to you when you first met. “Besides, Princess, if we can survive last night, I’m sure we can survive this one too.”

“You’re weirdly optimistic.”

“You’re just too pessimistic.”

The little laughter that you try to suppress sounds more like a snort than anything else, but Eren can see a hint of amusement on your face. “Fine,” you say. “You’re coming with me. But if a Darkseeker shows up and you miss your shot, Jaeger, I swear to God, I’m gonna shave your head. Let’s see if you can still do your cursed Tom Cruise impressions with a bald head.”

Eren shrugs. “He was bald in Tropic Thunder.”

“Oh, shut up.” You land a small punch on his shoulder before you both trade demure smiles. “Well then, should we come up with a plan?”

The plan isn’t much of a plan to begin with, but it’s the best you got. Sticking your machete in the back of your shirt, you jump out of your car and move to his door. 

Eren blushes when he sees you stretching out both hands to help him step down from the car. With one hand supporting himself against the railing, he swings out one leg. “I can do it myself,” he says, but right after he finished his sentence, he slips his footing, his body stumbling forward, crashing against yours. You both topple over to the ground, your back hitting the earth with a thud and a painful groan is snatched away from your mouth. Eren has his face buried in your chest before he props himself up with both palms on the concrete. “I’m—I’m sorry!”

“For falling on me like an idiot or for almost motorboating my tits like a pervert?”

His jaw is seconds away from dislocating from his face. “I– I’m not–”

“You’re both,” you answer it for him. There’s a painful throb at the back of your skull that makes your vision slightly unfocused.

“I’m sorry,” he winces. “Are you okay?”

“I’m okay. I’m this close at kicking you in the balls right now, but I’m okay.”

Eren laughs as he’s reminded of the earlier days when you spent ninety percent of your time together throwing playful banter like this. His smile is so contagious that you find your own lips curving up. It falters once he lays a hand on your face, thumb stroking your cheekbone. His palm, just like his ankle, has been treated with antiseptic and bandage. His blood has stopped gushing out from his wound.

“What?” You ask him, time seems to slow down as you focus your gaze solely on him. You watch his eyes drift down to your lips, his gaze lingering as if they are entranced by the sight. You know that look. “Don’t do it.”

Eren wets his lower lip, whether it’s a sign of nervousness or him just aching to have a taste, you’re not sure. “Why not?”

“Because it’s the most cliche thing ever.” 

“To kiss you when we’re in this position? I think it’s understandable.” 

It’s harder to stay unfazed under his coy, little coquettish smile, and his seductive whisper than to take a clear shot of your target, but fortunately for you, you manage. “There’s a correct time and place to do this, Er—”

He dives and brushes his lips tenderly against yours—a questioning kiss, brief and timid. Yet, you find yourself holding your breath when he releases you.

“It always feels right to me,” he says, smiling more with his eyes than his lips, a pair of beautiful crescents. “Anywhere with you feels like Paris in the rain.”

“Seriously?” You stare flatly at him. “Trying to woo me over by quoting a line from a mainstream song? Really?”

He knits his eyebrows together, puzzled. “What song?”

“Oh my God,” you groan. “So you’re naturally this corny? I mean I know you are but I didn’t think you were this bad.”

“Is it really a bad thing, though?” He murmurs, lowering his head for another kiss, slightly longer, slightly deeper that you could feel how despite they still feel soft against yours, his lips are a bit chapped from the cold. The saccharine smile turns into a devilish smirk. “Seems like you like it just fine, Princess.”

You knee him right on his crotch, not hard enough to make him cry in agony, but enough to serve as a warning. He grunts with his elbows supporting him on the ground, while you return to your feet and fix your leather jacket. “Stop wasting time and let’s go.”

“You’re not cute at all,” he pouts. He allows you to circle one arm around his waist as he lands his around your shoulder. You both make your way to the station, stopping right before the door where the sun can douse you with its light.

“Ready?” You ask him, grabbing your machete with one hand.

Eren releases you, standing with his shotgun in firing position. He gives you a nod.

Taking a deep breath, you kick the front door open. The wood creaks underneath the pressure, and by your third attempt, it swings open and slams against the wall. You’ve made enough noise to attract whatever is lurking in the dark. All you have to do is wait.

It’s only three seconds in, and a Darkseeker, dressed in a police uniform with black strings of saliva coating its bared teeth, advances toward you. You can hear Eren releasing his breath slowly as he prepares to take his shot. He pulls the trigger, the sound rings like thunder in your ears. The bottom half of its face is blown away, its body pushed back a few steps. But then it stares back at you, its snarl turning into a raging cry before it runs toward you with both hands stretched out. Eren didn’t miss his shot, but he missed its brain.

“Fuck,” he curses, stepping in front of you in reflex. He knows the sun will burn its flesh the second it walks past the door but he still tries to shield you just in case. 

“Move,” you tell him, pushing him away to the side with one hand while you snatch a spear point knife from the harness that tightly hugs your thigh with the other. You cast your blade forward, letting it pierce through the air before it lands right on the Darkseeker’s forehead, penetrating deeply enough to rupture its brain. The corpse tumbles back at once, body crashing against the wooden floor.

Eren stares in awe before he gulps. “Remind me not to get on your bad side.”

You don’t answer him, focusing on finishing your job first. Stepping into the room, you approach the spot where the Darkseeker is now oozing black blood to the ground. You go down to one knee, plunging your knife harder inside its brain before you drive it upward, splitting its head in the middle. You pull it away, wipe the blood on its tattered uniform, and place back the blade in its sheath.

Eren watches you from behind, completely enthralled. “Is it weird if I find you so hot right now?”

“Stop messing around and help me find some guns.”

“Yes, Ma’am.”

***

Last night might be the worst night of your life but today? Today feels like God is trying to make it up to you.

You’ve managed to obtain yourself three shotguns, two handguns, and five extra magazines from the station. As the cartridges you found didn’t match the ones he owned, Eren tossed his old pistols away and decided to use the new ones instead. “These are lighter, I like them,” he commented with a satisfied grin, tucking his new handguns around his belt.

Your forage for food went well too. There was a minimart nearby that offered bottles of water and a selection of canned foods—which were still gross, in your opinion, but Eren was having a feast. You got your hands on a few bags of chips, a few cans of beer, and coffee–Eren was immensely pleased when he found Corona Extra on the counter that you swore you saw him rubbing his tears away with his hand. With your heart feeling ten times more at ease, you continued with your journey.

You’ve decided not to switch cars, only stopped at a gas station to refill the tank. You drive twelve miles west, heading toward the lake. It’s only one in the afternoon, so there will be plenty of time for you to find a new house and get familiar with your surroundings before the sun sets.

“I’m so excited,” Eren giddily says, munching on a Twinkie. It’s two weeks past its expiration date but he doesn’t care. “Feels like we’re going camping.”

You snort. “Want me to set up a bonfire for you? I’m sure they would love to have a little Jaeger barbecue party.”

“Your sense of humor is disturbing, Princess.”

An hour later, you’re driving down a familiar lane, going through the small neighborhood framed by steep hills and majestic lake views. Tucked into its cozy tree-lined streets are some of the prettiest homes you’ve ever seen—a conglomeration of architectural styles that, while unique, are unified in charm. As much as you are itching to visit the varnish-clear lake to revive your dearest memories, you focus more on finding a place to stay for the night. But then—

“Hey, why don’t we stop by the lake first?” Eren suggests as he rolls his window down, his head peeking out like an excited dog. His hair, tied up with a few baby hairs sprouting out of his bun, is caressed by the wind. “You want to see it, right?”

It’s as if he reads your mind. “I guess we can if it’s just for a few minutes.”

“Yeah, just for a few minutes.”

So you follow his request and fulfill your wish, keeping your engine running until you can witness the glorious luster of the water before you. It’s the same skyline-silver lake where you used to spend every summer making cherished memories and endless laughter with your family. It feels nostalgic, the way the atmosphere is convent quiet, soothing, and yogi still. It’s lined with pine trees and the sky’s magnificence seemed to be emblazoned on the lake, making it look like nothing but a painting. The whiff of mint and the cedar-sweet smell wafts up to you the second you stop and open your door to breathe the fresh air. Feels so good to be home, your lips almost form the words. The idyllic scene still takes your breath away just the same, and when you spin your head around to see him, Eren has his lips parted in awe, looking just as enraptured by the scenery, if not more.

“You want to go out?” you offer him. “Just for a few minutes.”

He mirrors your smile. “Just for a few minutes.”

Climbing out of the car, you help him support his balance by holding him around his waist like before. Eren has his arm resting on your shoulders, the visage of the lake is reflected in his eyes. Sunray adds a golden tint to the face of the lake, and Eren thinks this is what paradise looks like. Untouched by the cruelty of the world. It’s a place with the kind of beauty that is unmatched, except maybe…

His eyes shift to your face again, only to be answered instantly by a gentle smile on your face. “Do you like it?” You ask him. 

Eren casts his gaze down when he feels you removing your hand from his waist, only to interlace your fingers together. You squeeze his hand lightly before your warmth seeps through his pores, and he wonders if you’re thinking the same thing. That this is a new beginning, for you and him. That this is finally the place that you both can call home.

“I love it,” he says, almost in a content sigh. He shifts his arm away from your shoulder, his hand doing the same habit of tucking your hair behind your ear. But maybe it’s not a habit. It’s just his favorite thing to do in the world. 

And he wants to say something. Wants to describe that even all of this scenery—everything that took his breath away—they’re nothing compared to you. But you’ve called him corny so many times and Eren’s knowledge of romantic phrases is close to none. All he can offer you is his honesty. 

“I’m in love with you,” he breathes out while your breathing stops. “I find endless joy when I’m with you, Princess. Loving you feels right as if it’s the reason why I’m here. I feel like I’ve loved you in my previous life, I love you in this one, and I’ll love you again in the next one.”

How can he say something like this? You wonder, turning bashful. So beautifully, so genuinely, so passionately. You could feel the attraction that pulses between you, a magnetic pull drawing you to him. For a moment, he renders you speechless. 

“This is the right moment,” you tell him.

He blinks. “Huh?”

Ah, damn it. With your face aflame, you speak through gritted teeth. “For you to kiss me, you idiot.”

“Oh!” The realization only overtakes his features for a second before it quickly turns to regret. “Oh, no, I just ruined it, didn’t I? I’m sorry, I should’ve—”

You pull him down by the collar of his jacket, standing on your toes as you plant your lips against his. It’s a bit more forceful than intended, but it delivers the message well. You break away only to whisper, “Stop talking and just… kiss me harder.”

And he does, kissing you with all the passion he feels. The need. The hunger. But Eren keeps his control. He just wants your taste on his lips. At least, for now. 

The kiss is different than what you shared with him a moment ago. There’s no elfin grin on his mouth, only parted lips and eager tongue—shy enough to penetrate deep into your cavern but bold enough to glide against your lower lip. There’s no giggle erupting from the back of his throat, only a deep moan and breathy sigh when he feels your fingers dancing across his nape. His right hand slithers around your waist, his other one cups you by your jaw, the leather of his fingerless glove rubs against your skin.

“Be with me.” He maps his way down to your jaw and the side of your neck to murmur the words before he returns home to your lips. “Stay with me.” It’s followed by your name, spoken like praise from a love poem. “Hold me like this and never let me go.”

I need you to promise me this, Princess. I don’t want this to be the last time I can kiss you. I don’t want tomorrow to be the last time I can see your smile. I’m scared. Deep down, I’m always terrified because…

What if death comes to take you but not me?

Eren had hopes before. He hoped for a better life, and he thought if he wished for it hard enough, he could have it. After all, things were really turning for the better, for both of you. But after what happened last night, he realized that his hopes were nothing more but a fantasy he could never achieve. Yes, you won the battle of your life, but how much longer until your luck runs out? It feels harder than ever now to keep on hoping.

Your legs feel weak, and you try to blame it on all the running you did trying to survive. You want to say it. You want to say it back. I love you. I’m so in love with you too. I’ve never felt like this before and it scares me because what am I going to do when you’re gone?

You land a hand on his chest, gently pushing him away just to get a few seconds to collect your courage. “I…” You lick your bottom lip as a way for your body to suppress your jitters. You taste like him. “Eren, I…”

Say it, you idiot! What is so hard about it?! Just tell him you love him!

Your heart is in your ears, and blood rushes to your face so fast that you know it’s going to change the color of your cheeks. “I, umm…”

Eren watches in silence, patiently waiting for the words to come out and it only makes it ten times harder for you to say it. Then his mouth twitches into a smile a second before a tiny peal of laughter escapes him. Flustered, you give him a little punch on his chest. “Why are you laughing?!”

“Because you’re so cute.” He gathers you in his arms, granting you a small kiss on your temple before he rests his chin on your head. “And you’re so transparent. I can literally see whatever thought crosses your mind.”

“Shut up.”

“You want to tell me you love me too, right?”

“Shut up.”

He chortles again and it's the most beautiful sound you’ve ever heard. Eren kisses you one last time before you break away. He feels it. Even if you don’t say the words, he feels your devotion for him in every fiber of your soul. Elation leaps through him and for a moment, all you can think of is the feel of his body against yours, the passion and the ferocity of his kiss.

When it’s over, he leaves you a bit disoriented. “Let’s go find our home, shall we?” He suggests, intertwining your fingers together.

With you, I’m already home. A thought crosses your mind and your chest is suffused with warmth. It’s until you can feel the way Eren’s hold around your hand turns rigid, that you realize you just said the words out loud, your mouth forming the sentence before your brain could tell you to stop. It came out in a whisper like you were mumbling in your sleep, but Eren felt it to his bones.

“I—” You panic, ashamed. “I meant—I don’t—”

Eren pivots on his heels, staggering quite a bit as he takes you by the hand and leads you back to the car. He rubs his nose, visibly abashed, where the color of his tip matches the crimson in his cheeks. “I didn’t hear anything.”

But he’s always been a terrible liar, hasn’t he?

***

Perched on the edge of the lake, there’s a Craftsman-style shingle lake house that peeks out from the towering pine trees that surround it. Even from the outside, the home is striking, designed to merge with the natural world with wood exterior, as well as the landscaping with native plants, blending into the six acres of surrounding forest. It has unfettered lakefront access, with multiple decks made of wood just feet from the shoreline, one of which has a hot tub.

“I think we just hit a jackpot,” Eren mumbles in awe. “This is literally the most beautiful house I’ve ever seen.”

You can’t argue with that. It looks like it’s taken straight from an architectural magazine. “Well then, let’s go check it out.”

Knowing how he’s going to be stubborn about not letting you go inside alone, you don’t bother to bicker with him this time. It is your luck that one side of the house is enclosed by a 30-foot-tall wall of windows rising above the lake. It aims to give you a gorgeous view of the waterfront, but you’re thankful for the sunlight that bathes almost every corner of the house. 

You enter the residence side-by-side, slowing down your pace to match his steps. Both of you have your handguns ready, scouring your surroundings with alert eyes and taut muscles. Albeit looking a bit abandoned with thick piles of dust coating every piece of furniture and untended plants growing in disorder, the house seems cozy and warm. There’s even a wood fireplace in the living room, and while it’s easy to imagine spending summers here, Eren can’t wait to enjoy a cozy winter night snuggled up with you as you watch the snow fall on the frozen lake. It reminds him of the dream house he often fantasized of sharing with his future wife and two, maybe even three children, where he would—

“What?” You ask him with a raised eyebrow, interrupting his thoughts. “Why are you staring at me like that?”

“N-nothing,” he blushes.

“Are you thinking dirty thoughts again? Really? Zombies can literally be hiding in one of the rooms right now, and you’re thinking about what, getting handsy with me in the hot tub?”

He nearly faints. “No, I was just—” He clears his throat, averting his gaze away. “I was just thinking about growing old here with my wife and kids. The house—it’s—it’s really, umm, nice.”

He’s an idiot. And you are the bigger idiot here because he didn’t even specifically state that he was thinking about you as his wife, and here you are, feeling like your head is about to explode from the thoughts of dancing with him in the kitchen as you make breakfasts together, or snuggling close on the couch with books in your hands and a guitar on his lap, and maybe when the kids are asleep, he’ll even trap your body against the window glass, his lips forming filthy words to describe how much he wants to make love to—I need to stop. 

“Go check the kitchen,” you tell him in a desperate attempt to distract yourself. “Find if we have food for the rest of the week.”

“What about you? Where are you going?”

Away from you. “I’m just going down the hall.”

“Stay within the light.”

“Stay within the light,” you mock him back, your cheeks still sizzle hot as you make your way to another hallway. You feel safe as you can still feel sunlight kissing your skin everywhere you go but your fingers remain tight around your handgun. 

Eren enters the kitchen as ordered, amazed by the sight of maple woodwork, a granite island, and a wine refrigerator that is stacked with top-class brands, ones that he could only dream of having. But that’s exactly what it is, isn’t it? This is a dream and he’s living in it with his eyes wide open.

He’s in the middle of rummaging through the top drawers, mumbling a little, “Lucky,” when he locates a numerous amounts of expensive canned foods, and jars filled with cookies and candies. 

The joy that sparkles inside him turns instantly into chaos when he hears your scream.

Eren spins on his heels so fast, he might have broken his other ankle but he doesn’t care. Mustering every strength in his body to run to your spot, he ignores the pain that burns his every nerve. “Princess!” He shouts out, his balance unsteady. “Princess, are you—”

“REINER!” 

Your scream is loud enough to deafen his ears. “Uhh… It’s Eren, actually.”

“No, I mean, it’s Reiner Braun!” Never has your voice sounded so high-pitched before. Your eyes are so wide open, that he wonders how they are not falling out of their sockets yet.  

Eren, still limping, walks closer to your spot with a frown. He looks over your shoulder, following the finger you’re pointing at one of the photo frames that decorate the wall. “Who’s Reiner Braun?” His gaze lands on a muscular man, probably in his early fifty, staring into the camera with a grin warm and kind enough to look unnatural on his bearded face. The man called Reiner is sitting on the couch with two teenagers hugging his sides—Eren assumes they’re his children as they bear striking resemblance to him. His wife, standing behind the couch, has her cheek pressed against the side of his head, smiling beautifully with her arms embracing her husband’s shoulders from behind. The amount of love and happiness they showcase through the picture is enough to warm your hearts, and Eren wonders if someday, he can take a picture with you like this too.

“The guy from Empire!” Your shout slaps him back to reality—a reality where you are now fangirling over another man. “Eren, this is his house! We’re staying in Reiner’s house right now, oh my God—I can’t believe this—”

“All right, chill.” But he can’t help but laugh at the way you’re practically jumping on your feet, drowning in your excitement. “What’s Empire? A boy band? That dude looks too buff to be wearing skimpy clothes on stage.”

You restrain the urge to slap the photo frame against his face, only because you care too much about the picture. “A rock band. He’s the drummer. They were pretty cool, my dad was obsessed with them. Instead of letting me listen to Justin Bieber, he kept shoving their albums down my throat. Thank God, though. Justin Bieber’s music is shit.”

“Hey!” Eren raises a finger in the air, stopping you. “Do not insult my man.”

“You were a Belieber?”

“I am a Belieber,” he corrects with a proud look on his face. 

“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“Why would I? He’s my pride and joy. I used to spend hours, just… You know, biebing.”

“Oh my God, don’t talk to me.” 

Taking the picture off the wall, your gaze softens as you recall your old days, reminiscing the time. “We used to jam to their songs every morning as Dad drove me to school. I think they’re in their seventies now, so they’ve retired for a while. Too old to be playing on the stage, I guess.” You place back the frame, shoulders sagging forward. “I wonder where they are now.” Are they still alive somewhere? Are they dead? Or worse, have they turned into one of them?

Eren, noticing the sadness that radiates off of you, lands a hand on your head. “Was Reiner your favorite member?”

“I like all of them. Their frontman was, like, the younger version of Kurt Cobain. Too bad he died in a car crash. Poor guy, he was so young too. So talented. And hot.”

The hand that’s been lightly stroking your hair stops. “Hotter than me? I doubt it.”

“Well, obviously—” You stop when realization dawns over you, whirling your head toward him so fast, it leaves you a bit dizzy. 

Eren blinks uncomfortably at the sight of you scrutinizing his features. “W-what?”

“Now that I think about it, you kinda look like him.” The second the words break free from your mouth, you feel like you need to wash the filth off your tongue. “But ugh, that is so gross. I can’t believe I just said that.”

Eren just casually takes in what he wants to hear and ignores what he doesn’t want to hear. “Wait, so you’re saying I’m hot? Like rockstar level hot?”

You kick him in the shin and walk away.

The more you tour around the house, the more surprised you are by its grandeur. There are five bedrooms and six bathrooms inside–one of them even has a Japanese bathtub where you can spend your time relaxing while indulging yourself in the scenery of the lake. There’s also a spa and sauna, a fully-equipped gym, and a game room with an endless collection of comic books and action figures, a massive billiard table, and an old Pac-man arcade machine. With all that, you might never want to actually go out on the lake, opting instead to take advantage of all these luxe features.

Checking the room one by one, you notice one thing. The linens on the bed used to be crisp white but they’re painted with yellow stains as they haven’t been used for months. But judging from the way the room is very organized–no pencils on the table, no creases on the sheets, no sweaters hanging in the standing coat rack–maybe the room hasn’t been occupied in years. In one of the photo frames you find on the table, you see the happy family attending their younger child’s college graduation, celebrating it with hugs and kisses. Maybe she’s moved out of the house?

The next room has a more masculine vibe to it. Instead of salmon pink, the walls are painted gray. His son seems to be taking after his father’s hobby, with drumsticks signed by popular musicians decorating his shelf. There’s an entire wall dedicated to the Gods of Metal, with posters of Iron Maiden and Black Sabbath plastered against it. But just like the previous room, this one seems like it’s been abandoned for a while.

“Seems like it was only Reiner and his wife who stayed here,” Eren comments as you head toward the last room–the master suite. “Or maybe this is just their vacation house or something.”

“Why would the front door be unlocked if they weren’t here?”

Eren is still musing to find the answer when you curl your hand around the doorknob and push it open. You’ve prepared yourself for the worst, maybe one or two Darkseekers turning their heads toward you, but what you see is even worse.

Eren, who’s following close after you, lowers his gun. “Well, I guess we found our answer.” 

Reiner and his wife—what’s left of them anyway—are lying down on the bed, their bodies are now dry, but still decaying very slowly. Bile rises to your throat as your nose picks up quickly on their stench, and if it was your first time encountering dead bodies, you must have vomited your insides. 

Seeing you turn pasty, Eren clamps his fingers around your wrist and leads you outside, closing the door behind him. “You okay there?” 

“I’m fine,” you say, inhaling as much fresh air as you can into your lungs. You loosen up your collar and hurriedly make your conclusion. “I think we can stay here. We’ll have to do something with the corpses later but… For now, we can rest.”

Eren nods. “I think I saw a door leading to the basement. Should we check it now or…” He stretches out a hand, caressing the side of your face with delicate fingers as his eyes droop in concern. “Do you want to take a break? I can do it on my own if you want to.”

He sees right through me, doesn’t he? You're trying your best to appear nonchalant but Eren always picks up every hint of distraught that bubbles inside your chest. “No, it’s—” You clear your throat. “Let's go.”

What Eren doesn't know is that you’re not saddened by the fact that the man who inspired you, who you so deeply admired as a kid, has passed away.

You’re crushed by the fact that it wasn't the virus that took him. It was the pills, taken from the packer bottle that sat on his nightstand, its lid still open as they didn’t find any reason to close it. They didn’t find any reason to do anything at all instead of swallowing down the pills and plastering a smile on their faces as they drifted away to sleep only to never wake up again. It’s acetaminophen, you know for certain, even without reading the label, as it was the same one that took your aunt’s life to free her from depression. It was also the one you considered taking, as a way to escape your fear of reality. Ten pills of those and death would take you on a journey.

Reiner and his wife didn’t die with black blood staining the sheets. 

They died holding hands.

***

The basement, it turns out, is not a fucking basement. 

It’s a soundproof media room with a Bang and Olufsen sound system, a wine cellar, a shelf full of Blu-ray DVDs, a karaoke player, and a music studio where you can locate the same set of drums Reiner used to play a few times in his concert decades ago. They have placed carpeted floors over wooden flooring, the walls are covered by textiles and porous materials to absorb the sound. The cabin-style basement is even completed with another fireplace plugged directly into the wall. It’s the electric kind that doesn’t need a ventilation system but still mimics a traditional wood-burning fireplace. The dancing flames might not be real but they can exude just as much warmth as the usual ones do. The rustic wood furniture is aesthetically pleasing to look at, providing a much more comfortable, warm atmosphere compared to the living room you saw upstairs. 

“Look at this couch.” Eren, completely forgetting that he has a broken ankle, throws himself carelessly on the L-shaped sofa. As expected, he winces from the pain but it’s soon replaced by a long, drawled-out moan the second he feels how soft it is. He shifts around, trying down several positions until he lies down on his stomach. “Oh my God,” he sighs in bliss with one cheek pressed against the leather, his hand sliding up and down in a way that is almost similar to the way he caressed your legs two nights before—not that you should think about it. You’re sure by the size of it, the couch can fit more than eight people. Hell, you can even have three Erens lounging with their legs stretched out and you will still have room to sit. 

“I don’t ever want to move out again,” he mumbles deliriously.

“From this house?” You can’t help but smile, folding your arms in front of your chest as you lean your back against the wall. 

“From this couch. I’ll eat over here, cry over here. I’ll pee all over it if I have to, I don’t care. You’re my baby now.” He’s actually talking to the couch, nuzzling his face against it. “I’m never gonna walk away from you, Sofi.”

“Sofi?”

“Sofi the sofa.”

“Hmm, figured.”

“I was going to name it Coochie the Couch but then I remembered that it’s like slang for something completely different.”

You snort. “You’re probably gonna name our child the most basic name like Jack, or Bobby, or something.”

Wait.

Did you say your or our?

Your eyes quickly dart back to his face, and it doesn’t take long for you to know that yes, you clearly said our, you giant idiot. 

“Your,” you correct hastily even though you know it’s no use now. Eren heard it well and now he looks like he’s about to burst with joy. The only choice you have right now is to disappear from the face of the earth. “I’m—” You scurry away. “I’m gonna go take a shower.”

You take hasty steps toward the stairs, shouting stupid, stupid, you’re so stupid, inside your head as you do. A moment before you close the door behind you, Eren’s voice rings in your ear.

“Irene if it’s a girl.” You stop at once, feet shackled to the ground. You don’t allow yourself to throw a look over your shoulder no matter how much you want to. “And Jace if it’s a boy.”

Your fingers are curling tight against the side of your jeans, your face catching on fire. Irene and Jace… Fuck, those names are actually cute. And now you can’t help but put faces to their names, a little girl with the same brown hair and green eyes, and a tiny, tiny boy who looks like a spitting image of him. They might have your smile, but that’s it. The thought of it is so fucking cute, you can feel your heart clawing its way to jump out of your chest. 

“Go take a shower, you stink,” is the only thing you can say with a dysfunctioning brain. Exiting the basement, you press your backside against the closed door. Your palm drifts up to conceal the bottom half of your face. You can almost quite literally feel your skin burning. 

Fuck, this is so bad.

It’s bad that I want it too.

***

Your house is the only one that’s located near the lake. You’re separated by a few miles from the other houses, where you can only hear the sounds of rippling water and swaying branches that are kissed by the autumn breeze, and the anthems that the frogs sing. Once the sky is ablaze with the fire of the setting sun, you close all the curtains, turn off all the lights, lock all the doors and windows. You can barely do anything with the 30-foot-tall wall of windows, but as long as you remain within your room, they won’t detect any movements from the other side. The windows are made from tempered glass, highly durable and resilient to impact, which adds to your reassurance even though you knew, they wouldn’t hold them back for long if they used all their strength to tear them down. But as long as they don’t notice you’re there, you should be safe.

“I think we should both stay in the basement,” you suggest, “It’s a perfect place to hide, soundproof and all.”

Eren’s heart jolted at the offer but he affirms with a steady nod. He’s not sure what he is so nervous about—it’s not like this is going to be the first time you share the room with him. Is it because you’ve told him you loved him too? Is it because he can tell you’ve been secretly visualizing yourself growing old with him in this house, just as much as he has? Or is it really something as simple as the way he can smell that addicting strawberry scent from your hair, your body fresh and warm from the shower you just took; or the way you look so cuddly wearing an oversized sweater with sleeves too long for your arms?

“Can you please, umm…” You scratch your cheek, avoiding his gaze. “Stop staring at me like that?”

A flush creeps up his cheek. “S-sorry.” 

Eren walks past you, still hobbling on his feet as he takes a seat on the couch. Just like you, he just finished taking his shower, rubbing off all the dirt and blood that coated his skin. He wears his hair loose, seemingly a bit longer now with the end of his strands stopping an inch below his collarbones.  

Trying to shake off whatever this awkward tension that surrounds you, you decide to treat his injury, just like you did a moment after the fight ended. Grabbing the emergency kit, you go down to your knees before him, carefully checking on his ankle. “Does it still hurt?” You ask as you unfasten his bandage, wanting to change it to a new one as it is damp after the shower.

He winces at the touch, even when you’ve tried your best to be gentle. “A little.”

Swelling and bruising around the joint, there are splotches of black and blue sketched upon his sun-kissed skin, tracking down toward the sole of his foot. You apply cold packs to the injured area, hoping it will decrease swelling and pain. Eren watches you with unblinking eyes, entranced with the way you seem almost motherly as you treat his wound. The flames from the electric fireplace cast amber on your skin, and you seem so pretty, glowing underneath the dim light. And when you raise a hand to push a lock of stray hair behind your ear, Eren almost groans, feeling utterly disappointed that he’s not fast enough to do it himself.

“I’m sorry.” Your voice, even if it’s softer than usual, still startles him as he’s been daydreaming again. “It must have been painful to move around the whole day. When did this happen exactly?”

“Umm… I’m not sure. Probably when I tackled that Darkseeker away from you.”

“Probably? Did you not feel pain when it broke?”

“I only noticed I broke it after I was sure you were safe,” he mumbles out sheepishly. “I was… too busy thinking about you, I guess.” 

Ah, damn it. You rise to stand on your knees only to flick him right on his forehead. 

“Aaw!” he hisses. “What was that for?”

“For being embarrassing like always.” You return to your kit, rummaging through the box to find a new roll of bandage. “You should take some ibuprofen,” you suggest, wrapping it around his ankle to restrict him from moving it too much. “It’s a painkiller, but it will also keep inflammation down. Lie down on the couch.”

Eren, noticing that you turned bashful by his words, follows your command with a little smile breaking on his lips. It turns out that the couch has a metal frame and a memory foam mattress underneath its seating cushions, and it feels even comfier than the actual couch itself. You’ve brought more blankets and pillows with you, transforming the couch into your prime sleep spot, hopefully for the next few weeks. Months, if you’re lucky. 

You place a pillow underneath his leg, elevating his ankle, and two more on each side to keep it trapped. “Try not to move too much,” you say, draping a blanket over his body and pulling it up until he has his shoulders covered. He already looks funny this way, a 6.3-feet tall muscly man, shrouded by a quilt like a child, but you decide to tuck the blanket underneath his body, transforming him into a cocoon. You beam at him with a cheeky grin which he reciprocates with a pout. 

“Happy now?” He asks, jutting out his lower lip as if he didn’t look childish enough before.

“Immensely.”

“How can I cuddle with you if I’m like this?”

“Who said we were going to cuddle?”

His jaw drops, nothing but disappointment gleams in his eyes. “We weren’t?”

You slam your pillow once against his face, muttering, “Go to sleep. The sun’s down in ten minutes,” before you move to your other side of the bed, sighing in bliss once you feel just how comfortable the mattress is. You let your muscles unwind, closing your eyes and taking a moment to thank whatever supernatural forces it is that have kept you breathing to this point. 

You can’t hear anything from inside the basement. Not the wind that caresses your windows, not the pit patter of raindrops, not the snarling or the sound of branches cracking under their feet. The tranquility of it all seems eerie at first, but once you focus on the steady sound of Eren’s breathing, you finally can believe that you are safe. 

“Princess,” Eren whispers, breaking the silence.

“Hmm?”

“It’s hot,” he says, struggling to break free. “Can you help me get out of this? My balls are literally sweating right now.” 

You restrain the urge to laugh only because you have to stay quiet. Rolling to your side, you help him loosen the fabric around him. “There. Now, you can—“ Eren pulls you into his arms without warning, using more strength than necessary that you end up with a little “Oof!” breaking past your lips once you land your face on his chest. He lays on his side, his strong, long arms wrapping themselves around your shoulders.

“I thought you said you were sweating,” your voice is muffled by the thin layer of his black sleeveless shirt that does absolutely nothing to hide the muscles of his chest and abdomen. 

“Yeah, but now I’m cold and you’re so warm.” He buries his nose in your strands, not so secretly inhaling your scent as he embraces you tighter. 

Back when you were a kid, you used to have a huge teddy bear plush sitting on your bed. You called it Mr. Cuddlesworth, and you talked to it every night, tangled your limbs around it, and stayed like that until morning. Your mother used to wash it often as you tended to drool all over it, and every time she took it away, you would find yourself staring vacantly at the ceiling, unable to sleep. You only managed to stop being attached to it when your dad accidentally gave it away to your cousin one summer, thinking that you didn’t need it any longer. You were devastated. It almost felt like you lost a family member. You even bought a new one to replace it, the same kind, the same brand, the same color, and size, but it didn’t feel the same. 

Until now. “Mr. Cuddlesworth,” you accidentally mumble out loud, sighing against the fabric of his shirt. 

“Mr. Cuddlesworth?”

In a desperate attempt to conceal your shame, you bury your face deeper in his chest. Eren’s chuckle reverberates deep where you can feel its vibration directly on your skin. “Who’s Mr. Cuddlesworth? Your ex-boyfriend?”

“My teddy bear. But yeah, my ex-boyfriend too, I guess.”

“What, I’m your teddy bear now?”

“Well, you’re big and you’re warm and you’re so cuddly and–” You catch yourself, ending your line abruptly with a pout. “I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

“Holy shit, you need to stop, Princess.” He hugs you in a way a child would hug his favorite doll. “You’re literally the cutest person I’ve ever met. But you’re also so strong and badass at the same time. How is that possible?”

“S-shut up.”

“See? You just got ten times cuter now–ouch, stop punching me! Show Mr. Cuddlesworth some love!”

“Ugh, I actually hate you.”

“And I love you too.” He catches your hand, filling the spaces between your fingers with his. That gentle brush of his lips against your forehead, the way his voice turns delicate, calms you down until you’re back to your previous position. “Wish we could stay like this forever,” he murmurs with his eyes closed, sounding more like a confession than a mere wish. “Just you and me.”

In different circumstances, you might pinch his nose and reprimand him for spouting out corny lines like usual, but right now, especially after what happened the night before, you feel like he’s saying the words you’ve been chanting in your head. So, instead of pushing him away, you rest your forehead on his chest, fingers curling against the front of his shirt as you breathe out, “Me too.”

And that makes him think. “Princess… Did you see the way Reiner…” His voice falters, unsure if it’s okay to continue but he feels you giving him a timid nod.

“They were holding hands,” you echo his thoughts. “They killed themselves.”

“Why do you think that’s the case?”

“Maybe they were too afraid. Maybe they felt it was better to die in their sleep than to have the virus rupture their organs from the inside. Or worse, be turned into one of them.”

Eren grows exceptionally quiet. It takes him almost a minute before he can form a response. “Do you think it’s right for them to do it?”

“No,” you say, and you feel guilt residing within you from telling such lies, as it was the same option you had considered taking months ago. “I think it’s wrong that they gave up before they tried to fight back.”

“Maybe the reason why they didn’t fight back is that they couldn’t afford to lose one another.”

“You think it’s better to die with your loved one instead of trying to survive for yourself?”

“I think it’s an understandable choice,” he answers. “It’s a nice way to die.”

A nice way to die? You feel your heart plummet to your stomach. Exhaling heavily, you rest your palm on his cheek. “Why don’t we just focus on living for now?”

“You’re right.” Eren naturally leans into your touch, lips curving up into a soft smile. “I’m sorry. Shit got depressing real quick, huh?”

For a moment, you consider stopping the conversation there, but there’s this fear that builds up quickly inside your chest, that you need to let out before it starts smothering you. “Eren… You remember what I told you, right?” You question him with your voice and your heart close to breaking. “Do whatever it takes for you to survive. With or without me. You promised me that once, and I want you to promise me that again.”

You can still see it, see the way his whole body is on the verge of screaming, “I would stay with you until the end, no matter what happens,” but his lips are pressed in a tight line, mustering all his willpower to contain the words from breaking free. 

Because you are crying on his chest. Softly, weakly, like a little child trembling in fear. It all comes so suddenly too, startling you both. “Why are you crying?” He strokes your hair a moment before he brushes his thumb against your cheekbone, wiping away the stain. 

The more you feel alive, the more you fear death. The more happiness he gives you, the bigger the pain he’ll inflict when fate cuts your bond for good. And with him sounding like he’d rather die with you than survive on his own, you fear death more than ever. But instead of telling him these words, you fist his shirt and lock your lips together.

Eren, stunned by the action, still has his eyes opened until you part away from him two seconds later. “Princess?”

“Hold me,” you whisper, hand sliding past his shoulder before it rests on his nape. Make me forget about everything. Remind me that at this moment, we’re still alive. That you’re breathing my breath and I’m breathing yours. Drown me with whatever you have until I can escape my fear, just for tonight. “Just… hold me close, Ren…”

Eren lowers his head until the tip of his nose brushes against yours. His hand slips through your strands, fingers tangled and pressed against the back of your skull. You have your eyes closed and so does he, and for a few seconds, you stay in that position with your foreheads glued to each other. Then he kisses you softly on the lips, pouring all his love into that one kiss until he burns you with it. And just like that, he fulfills your wish.

He’s alive. You both are. And you stop thinking about the number of days you have left. Even before the outbreak, everybody has their days numbered, so why should this be any different? All that matters now is that you’re living this exact moment with him where your heart feels so full and your body invincible from the amount of joy that surges through you. 

This. This moment right here. This is what matters the most.

***

AN: Hey, everyone! Thank you so much for reading! Sorry it took me a while to update this, but I hope it's worth the wait 😭 There will be a bonus chapter where Eren's gonna take you out on a date hehe please look forward to it!

Thank you so much Aleks, Coi and Ben for beta-reading this ❤️

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