And Now I'm Crying, Thanks Op

and now I'm crying, thanks op

i love how fang's the only one to get an actual apology out of ed and also there's like ZERO teeth-pulling Cancelled Youtuber vibes in this apology at all bc ed apologizes to fang for something different, he apologizes for the Knife Parade game they used to play because ed genuinely didn't realize fang was terrified back then

because ed is not the kind of person to fuck with his crew like that for shits and giggles. ed doesn't want to hurt his crew. when he realizes that a game he used to play with one of his crew members scared him, he's instantly and effortlessly apologetic. and yet ed didnt give a proper apology for what he did in his kraken era yet. and that's because the kraken was something different. ed still didnt want to hurt his crew, but hurting the crew was all part of how he went about hurting himself

everything ed did from pushing lucius overboard to steering his new crew into a storm was a result of ed's hatred for himself outweighing his care for other people's wellbeing. in e10, izzy's job in the narrative is to verbalize ed's worst fears and insecurities. he pushes until ed snaps and chokes him out and then he responds to being choked out by gently stroking ed's face and telling him, "there he is." and ed believes in that moment that he is a monster, less than human, unworthy of love and joy.

so he pushes away a boat full of people who might care about him. he makes his crew miserable running raid after raid every day in a row. and the lower he gets, the more miserable he is and the more he hates himself, the more ed is willing to hurt his crew in more ways than just psychological. ed put everyone's lives at risk when he steered the ship into a storm and got rid of the wheel because that was the point when his self loathing was SO STRONG he was willing to put everyone's lives in danger in his effort to hurt himself.

and the thing is that ed doesn't need to learn that it's wrong to push his employees past their limits and create a toxic work environment, he doesn't need to learn that he can't take out his own issues on other people, he doesn't need to learn that his actions have consequences. because he knows that already. that was literally why he did it!! he was trying to PROVE he's an unlovable monster. he was trying to goad the crew into finally putting him out of his misery because he hated himself so fucking much.

and THAT. is a MUCH harder thing to apologize for. when you're still slowly unlearning that you don't deserve to be happy.

it's incredible that tumblr fandom went from DESPERATELY trying to see ANY sort of queer love in the shows we liked, to having shows—high budget, well-made, interesting, mainstream shows staring known actors—that are ABOUT queer love. explicitly, without argument. and just ten years later.

i saw (and reblogged) a post about how GO, ofmd, and wwdits are the new superwholock and i havent stopped thinking about it. cuz i was there, i was in the trenches back in the day. i was there when the writers and actors made fun of us for seeing on screen chemistry and perfect stories to set up romances. they all humored us then shat on us and saw us as a joke. a bunch of weirdo faggy teens that don't think two men can just be friends.

and now look at us. we're seeing the on screen chemistry and it's REAL. it's ON PURPOSE. these ARE romantic stories about queer people. we're not projecting or have wishful thinking... it's TRUE!! it was written and directed and edited and acted that way in earnest. i will take NO SHIT regarding these shows and people's love for them.

and do you know WHY these shows are being made now? these well thought out, feels-real, non-pandering queer stories? it's BECAUSE OF WHAT WE DID ten+ years ago. a lot of queer media never got the green light to be made because execs don't think there's enough of an audience. that more people will dislike the gays than like them. and we've shown them that that's unequivocally untrue. the outcry we had for all those years, the reviews we left, the statements we made, the backlash, it gave show runners ammunition to say "hey. people will watch this. they will like it. let us make it."

rhys deserves an emmy for this scene alone

"now you say, we're having a talent show" "that doesn't sound like me, why would i say that"

ed doesn't remember the talent show. i'd be willing to bet that he doesn't remember very much about that night. he seems to remember some things - he seems to remember pushing lucius off the ship, and taking izzy's toes, and so on, but he doesn't remember what was going on around him. becoming the kraken was so traumatic huge pieces of that night are just. gone.

with fang, he clearly remembers chasing him with a knife. doesn't remember fang correctly - he's got it rewritten in his head as a game, as fang laughing, and when fang corrects him (the absolute bravery of fang in this moment by the way, the confidence that ed is getting better, holy shit) ed's like. woah that's fucked up, i'm sorry. and that sorry i think is huge because it is genuine and immediate and we're meant to understand it as genuine and fang accepts it. and ed clearly doesn't remember being beaten by fang, either, but fang tells him, and

this is in keeping with ed's history though, right! the kraken killed his dad. he knows it wasn't the kraken, but his memory is all tied up in the trauma until being safe with stede gives him room to sort through it and say it out loud: the kraken didn't kill my dad, i did.

i don't know how much more of this we'll see from ed, but i think we can safely assume that part of working through ed's trauma is going to involve a lot of sorting out what's real and what's not. the gravy basket, as buttons said, still has a bit of a hold on him. i think ed had one foot in the gravy basket looooong before the night in the storm.

i think most of the fandom was hoping for the Loki/Sylvie duo to be more siblings oriented, something that represented Loki overcoming his self hatred, because that makes perfect sense and fits into the narrative wayyyy better. but no. Marvel decided that men and women can't have non-romantic associations with each other, regardless of the weird fucking self-cest shit. Loki and Sylvie work well together because they literally are different versions of the same person, and they understand what's going through the other's mind, while still being separate people with different motivations. Marvel could've made the Loki series incredible with beautiful character arcs and interesting relationships between the characters, but they decided to do some queer-baity shit all for the sake of an outspoken minority of people who believe that men shouldn't kiss.

i have SO MANY thoughts on the new episode holy shit, first off my girl sylvie is too hot to work at MCDONALDS they did her dirty.

second of all brad being the only one to ever call loki and sylvies relationship weird was a major unexpected W and it KILLED ME and mobius was just like “yeah.”

ALSO BRAD IS SUCH A FUN CHARACTER.

AND OB AND CASEY ARE SO CUTE I CANT WAIT TO SEE MORE INTERACTIONS WITH THEM.

also i hate to say it but loki and sylvie are a great duo, even if making it romantic was huge mistake they do work great together and the fighting scene was awesome.

BUT THE LOKI AND MOBIUS EATING PIE SCENE WAS MY FAVORITE OMG loki trying to comfort mobius and ACTUALLY DOING A GOOD JOB AND BEING LIKE “lets go get some pie”

ALSO WATCHING MOBIUS STRAIGHT UP PUNCH A BITCH WAS SO AWESOME I WILL FOREVER LOVE HIM. SEEING HIM FINALLY LOOSE HIS COOL WAS SO REWARDING BECAUSE HES ALWAYS BEEN KIND OF PUT TOGETHER AND SEEING HIM GET MAD WAS SO FUN

but yeah will definitely be posting more thoughts as i process this episode

Tell me you don’t understand Loki as a whole complex character by not telling me you don’t understand Loki as a whole complex character. The Loki showerrunners will start: the character is so self involved that he falls in love with an alternate reality female version of himself and he’ll do anything to protect her. Instead of falling in love with the only character besides Frigga and Thor who actually showed him real compassion and took the time to get to know him because said character is A MAN AND WE DONT DO GAY HERE FOLKS

at first i thought the first sentence was directed at me and was like whooaaaa chilllllll but no ur right say it louder