istharoth - Istharoth/Ania
Istharoth/Ania

HELLO!!! Istha/Ania | she/her | 18↑ ( ´∀` )b https://archiveofourown.org/users/Istharoth/works

218 posts

You Think Yuri Is The Type Of Guy Who Would Go Crazy Over Seeing Ankles? He's A Victorian Man Seeing

You think Yuri is the type of guy who would go crazy over seeing ankles? He's a victorian man seeing ankles for the first time.

Yuri sees PC's ankles: "THIS IS UTTERLY PREPOSTEROUS!! T-THIS PRONOGRAPHY!"

Jiro causally bleeding on the bed: "How scandalous. Please tend to my wounds."

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More Posts from Istharoth

9 months ago

“Favorite movie.” Ren asks, staring at his cellphone's screen instead of you.

You purse your lips, thinking about it for a second, before coming up with your answer.

“Frances Ha.”

He scoffs.

“Frances what? Is this one of those cult french movies? Are you trying to sound intellectual right now? Be for real.”

You roll your eyes and look up from your own phone, where you were writing Ren's own answers to the 20 questions game you were forcing him to play.

Haru had almost begged you to try and actually become Ren's friend, just like a concerned father with a problem child. How could you possibly say no to one of the few people who liked you?

Ren isn't a problem child, though. He's just incredibly, terribly, horribly annoying.

“It's not a cult movie. Maybe if you didn't watch only B-horror movies, you'd know about it” you stick out your tongue and flip your middle finger at him.

The “Become friends with Ren” plan was going great.

“Oh yeah? Then tell me about it and I'll be the judge of whether or not it's worth watching.” he flips his own middle finger back at you and then grabs a chip from the ridiculously big bowl of snacks you had prepared for the game. You were pretty sure you had depleted Darkwick's stock of chips just to be sure you had at least one type Ren would like.

Hey, no one could ever say you'd ever half-ass a mission after all. Maybe Leo could. But he doesn't count.

“Since when are you the judge of whether or not movies are good? You'd give Rubber an Oscar if you could.”

Ren gasps at the mention of that movie, almost choking with the handful of chips he had stuffed in his mouth.

“You know Rubber?!” he mumbles almost incoherently in between chews.

“The horror movie about a freaking homicidal car tire? Yeah, Ren, I think everyone knows about that movie because it's basically a meme… You're the only one that takes it seriously” you sigh, shaking your head. Why weren't you surprised that he knew and liked that abomination. What was wrong with him. God.

He sneers at you, shrugging.

“You just don't get the irony of it. The sarcasm! And you also can't appreciate the special effects, okay? Don't blame me just because you're a close minded uncultured human.”

You groan loudly.

“Oh goooood, before you try to fight for that movie's honor, can we please continue the game?” you say, exasperated.

“Not before you tell me why you like the cult french movie.” he puts his phone on the table face down and dramatically crosses his arms, adamant about continuing on the same topic. Suddenly you could understand why Towa called him Wolfsbane.

“It's not french!” you sigh “Fine, what do you want to know?”

Ren hums in thought for a moment, tapping his chin with his index finger.

“Why do you like it?” he finally asks, and you widen your eyes.

You weren't actually expecting him to ask why you liked the movie. You thought he'd ask about the plot or the cast or the cinematography, but not about your personal connection to it. Maybe it was just a whim or pure and random curiosity, but you still grab that and run with the idea that he is finally warming up to you and getting interested in knowing about his new “friend”. Haru would probably accept that as a sign too.

“I… relate to the main character, I think. She's, uh. Messy, has a hard time with relationships and all that.” you try to answer, avoiding his gaze and scratching your head. How much could you share with him, truly? Does he REALLY want you to step on a soap box and tell all of the reasons why you like the movie and why you relate to the main character? You hardly see Ren as someone who likes emotional or deep things if his disdain for cult movies is anything to go by. So you just say the bare minimum.

Ren deadpans.

“Wow, you gave me so much information to work with right now.” he says, voice dripping with sarcasm.

You roll your eyes.

“Do you really want to know why I like it?”

“Well, yeah? That's why I asked?” Ren raises an eyebrow.

Huh. Okay, I guess. Here goes nothing, you think.

“Okay. There's this monologue in which she talks about what she wants from love.”

Ren groans, loud and dramatic, slapping his own forehead.

“Nooooooo! Not the cheesy shit!”

You shush him, getting flustered in spite of yourself.

“Goddammit Ren, I KNEW you'd act like this! But you asked! Now let me finish!” you croak, embarrassed, avoiding his eyes.

“She says she wants to love someone in such a way that... when her eyes meet the eyes of that person, even if they're distant or in a crowd, they know they have something special. Like there's a whole secret world between them. Then she would know that that is her person in this life.”

You pause for a moment.

“And in the end, you find out that this special person, for her, is actually her best friend! I like this idea, you know. This depiction of- of love. And that's… uh, that's it.” you finish, clearing your throat and getting more embarrassed with every word you said.

Ren stares at you in silence for a long while after you finish.

“Well?” you ask, anxiously.

He stretches his arms wide, elbows and shoulders popping after being hunched over the table for so long, and then leans back on his chair, folding his hands in front of him.

“Well. It is some cheesy shit after all.” Ren says, flatly.

And then he starts laughing.

Ohhhh, this JERK. You spilled your most personal thoughts about your favorite movie right in front of him and he had THE GALL to laugh and mock you!

You grab a handful of chips and quickly throw them at him. He shields himself with his hands, still laughing.

“Hey! That's harassment! Abuse of power!” He says in between his laughs. “I'll call Ritsu! I'll sue you! I have a case against you!”

“You're insufferable!” you yell, cheeks tingling with embarrassment, and you hide your mouth with your hands to keep him from seeing the small smile that was appearing on your lips at the sound of his laugh.

Right as you were going to grab another handful of chips to throw at him, the entrance door slams open, and Haru saunters in. The red head gasps loudly at the scene unfolding in front of him.

“Ohhh, will you look at that! Ren laughing! Now that's a sight for sore eyes!” Haru says, voice brimming with joy.

“Ugh… The creep is back” Ren quickly morphs back into his gloomy mood like his happy switch had been turned off at the mere sight of Jabberwock's captain.

He grabs his phone, putting it inside his pocket, before grabbing a handful of chips from the bowl.

“Wait, you're leaving? We barely started the game!” you protest, picking up the chips that had fallen to the ground during your "attack".

“Yeah, he ruined the mood, obviously” Ren says, rolling his eyes and quickly making way to the stairs that led to the bedrooms.

“Awww, don't be shy to interact with your friend, Ren!” Haru says, blatantly winking at you at the word ‘friend’.

Ren only grumbles a complaint, to which Haru just sighs and shakes his head. He turns to you, immediately changing the subject to some errand he would love to get some help since his dorm mates definitely weren't going to fulfill their responsibilities at all and how you are the only one he can trust.

As Haru goes on and on about how you'd be a lifesaver if you just lent him a hand for a moment, your eyes flit towards the top of the stairs.

Ren was slowly dragging his feet through the last steps, lazily looking down at where you were standing.

Your eyes meet despite the distance between you two and, even though he blushes, startled, when you meet his stare, he sustains your gaze.

You smile.

Favorite Movie. Ren Asks, Staring At His Cellphone's Screen Instead Of You.

Get it? Get it? Please tell me you got the end

Anyway here's the monologue mentioned in this fic! Frances Ha isn't my favorite movie but I love it deeply <3 wrote this on a whim because there's barely any Ren love here! I know he's this close 🤏 to being an incel but we can fix him 😔


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9 months ago

indirect kiss

loosely related to this, but not necessarily a continuation

Warnings: angst with a bit of fluff, pining, pining, pining, PINING, did I say pining? I'm sorry I make you suffer so much in my fics, Rui...... oh, and some suggestive themes, but nothing explicit!

Indirect Kiss
Indirect Kiss

Rui was never one to walk around with his hands stuffed inside his pockets. No, he was always too confident for that, too self-assured. He was as poised as a lion – head held high, unafraid of occupying space.

He couldn't touch anyone anyway, so why should he refrain himself from being as loud with his personality as possible? He was just all bark, no bite after all.

Yet with you, he quickly figured out he had to shove his hands deep, deep inside his pants’ pockets, all to quell the urge of reaching out to you. He figured his brain would shut off at any time and only his instincts would prevail – the burning desire to touch you being the only thing left on his blank mind.

So he bound himself, or at least as much as he could in a way that wouldn't appear insane.

Still, as you walked beside him, his eyes flitted from your lips to your eyes and to your hands that swung back and forth, back and forth – he couldn't do anything but be painfully aware of your presence, right there beside him; just a few centimeters away, yet still untouchable.

You had given him the grace of your presence during a short, simple mission outside, and now he cursed himself for inviting you for a short walk before going back into the campus.

He had no idea it'd be so hard to walk with you without intertwining his fingers in yours.

Rui felt the hair at the back of his neck stand up as he suppressed a shiver. How long has it been since the last time he has touched someone with intent? How long has it been since he had been touched? His touch starvation was barely acknowledged at this point, because it had become who he was. He didn't exist without it. Just like breathing, it was his nature. It clogged his pores, ran in his veins and invaded his lungs. Much like a chronic disease one has to learn to live with, despite how agonizing it is.

His medicine was to be distant. To keep everyone at arm's length, so he'd never be affected by the torture of longing.

He kept Haru and Romeo at arm's length, restricting his role to just being their bartender.

He kept Lyca at arm's length, just caring for him like a dutiful but distant parent.

He kept Ed at arm's length, but it didn't matter – he kept himself isolated anyway.

He even kept his old best friend at arm's length – Haku, whom Rui avoided like the plague. He thanked what little mercy the Heavens had for him, for Haku knew when to mind his business. He knew not to pry.

And despite all his efforts, you appeared. Burrowing your way through his walls until you had found your place in his mind.

However, his name on your lips didn't sound damned and, for the first time in so long, he found himself wishing for a cure for his plight. Wishing he could find that wretched anomaly and then finally drop his peaceful act – he'd rip its head off and drink its blood if it meant he could touch you.

Rui laughed darkly to himself. What would even happen if he actually touched you? He would probably be so pathetically excited that he could feel your seemingly soft skin under his hands that he'd end up cumm–

“Rui!” you barked, snapping your fingers in front of his face. He interrupted that forbidden thought immediately.

“Yes, sweetie?”

You huffed, brows creasing on your forehead.

“Did you hear anything I said?”

Rui laughed awkwardly, running a hand through his luscious hair.

“Sorry cutie, I was a bit lost in my thoughts there. What did you say?”

“I said I wanna go to an arcade. I want to have a go at the claw machines.”

Rui frowned.

“Claw machines? You know those things are, like, scams right? They're rigged!”

“Oh my god, Rui” you snorted, and Rui swore he could drown at any given moment due to his suffocating affection for you. “You sound like a worried dad! And don't worry, I know all about claw machines and how to win.”

You smiled devilishly, rubbing your hands together like a little imp ready to cause problems.

“Um…” Rui grimaced, delighting himself with all your expressions, but mildly worried. “You're not gonna, like… Try to kick them or steal something, are you? I know I am your ride or die, darling, but we'd be in big trouble if we ACTUALLY broke the law, you know…”

You raised an eyebrow.

“What are you even talking about, Rui? I just meant I know the strategies to win.”

His lips formed an 'o'.

“Ohhh, I see! I thought for a second that you were up to no good!”

“Me?” you scoffed. “Never. I'm an angel.”

You said it sarcastically, but, to Rui, that's what you were. An angel, a saint, a deity. He was ready to kneel on nails if it meant he could worship you.

Rui watched you make your merry way towards a shiny and loud arcade, with rows upon rows of claw machines right next to the entrance.

It felt good to turn off his racing thoughts by thinking of harmless little fun things with you.

Even if you were the main reason for said racing thoughts.

If you wanted to play with claw machines, by all means, he would play them all until you got sick of it. Although he still thought they were rigged.

Rui leisurely walked behind you, watching while you scanned every machine for something of interest.

His heart warmed at the sight of you pressing your nose to the glass, tip-toeing to see the mess of plushies a bit better. You'd also click your tongue and pout, walking towards the next machine, disappointed with the selection of dolls.

You were just too cute. How would he ever survive you?

“Oh! Look at that! Rui, look!” You said, after perusing through that endless corridor a bit more. Apparently something pretty had finally caught your eye and Rui made his way towards you to take a peek as well.

“Did you find something cute?”

“Yeah, look at that!”

He followed your gaze, and was met with a black bunny plushie – its eyes were made of black buttons held tightly by white threads, with a long white ribbon wrapped around its neck. It wasn't anything too impressive (there were many other plushies in there that definitely looked a lot more striking), but he wouldn't say it wasn't cute.

“Are you going to try to get that little guy? Isn't he a lucky one, being chosen by you.” Rui winked, relishing in the way you rolled your eyes, already immune to his flirting.

“Yup. Gonna get that one.” you said, decisively, picking a few stray coins from your pocket.

“Allow me to help then.” Rui picked up his own wallet and you shook your head.

“You don't have to.”

“I want to. It will kinda officially turn this into a date AND I can call the plushie our son if I help you get it.” he smirked, fishing out a few coins and then placing them right next to the machine's slot.

You side-eyed Rui, before you allowed a smile to spread across your face.

“You're impossible.” you said, shaking your head while you placed the first coin into the slot and began playing, laughter warming your voice like tea with honey.

He'd love to drink only that for the rest of his life.

“Is that a ‘yes, Rui, this is now a date and I accept you as the father of my child’?” He gasped dramatically, placing his hand over his heart.

You hummed, as if you were in deep thought.

“Maybe.”

The first attempt at the claw machine failed, but you were quick to insert another coin.

“I promise to take good care of our kid.”

“I will ask for child support if you don't.”

Nice. He had successfully strung you along that little joke. He was going to unabashedly use that plushie as an excuse to see you far more frequently. Bonding time between parents and son, right?

You clicked your tongue. Second attempt failed as well.

It's okay, Rui thought. He had plenty more coins in his wallet to keep you trying. Now getting that rabbit was a matter of life or death to him.

The third time's the charm.

Rui watched the bunny precariously dangle from the weak claws of the machine, holding his breath as you slowly moved the claw towards the opening, where you finally dropped the plushie. It fell easily, barely making a sound.

You jumped and pumped a fist into the air, celebrating your victory. You quickly turned to Rui and he saw the way your arm went back, as if you were preparing to high five him – before you awkwardly dropped it, when you remembered that you simply couldn't.

Did he truly need so many reminders of how he couldn't touch your fucking hand?

Rui shifted on his feet, smiling awkwardly, and motioned for you to grab your prize. Despite the bitterness in his chest, he wasn't going to let his godforsaken curse ruin his date. Nor any single moment with you. Not if he could help it.

He wasn't sure if he could actually help it, though. Not when he observed the way your fingers touched the plushie, gently feeling the softness of its black, velvety coat.

He gulped, eyebrows scrunching upwards.

It was painful, to have this much longing for you lodged deep inside his guts. It clawed and ate everything around it, until there was nothing else left and all Rui could feel was pure desperation.

He wanted you. So fucking bad. Some nights – when he couldn’t sleep, and all chores had been done, and his own touch was more of a humiliation than a quick, unsatisfying reprieve – it felt like dying might be more of a mercy than having to live with you by his side everyday and not having you to himself.

He wouldn't die at all, though. And in the morning, he would still choose to have you close every single time.

Despite coming to terms with his own feelings, Rui suddenly felt a wave of disgusting jealousy wash over him when you brought the plushie's shiny nose to your lips.

Those lips he admired so obviously whenever you drank a pretty little concoction of his own in his bar's glasses.

His mind ran miles per hour, sharp tongue ready to spit some bitter quip about your kiss, even if he knew that being jealous of an inanimate object was absurd, when he was inmediately shut by your actions.

You had pushed the bunny's nose into his own lips.

Rui's eyes widened, and he stared down at you as you slowly retracted the plushie and cradled it into your arms. He blinked, stupidly, rendered speechless. All his mind could focus on was the indirect kiss you two had just shared.

Meanwhile, you seemed to find hilarious how dumbstruck he was by your actions.

“What? We do have to kiss our son's little nose, don't we? He needs to know he's loved by his parents.” You teased, a smug smile plastered onto your face as you brought back the little joke he had created.

The spell had turned against the sorcerer who cast it.

A beat passed, while you watched him blink and gather himself.

“Huh…” Rui managed to blurt out and you laughed.

While you grabbed one of the rabbit's paws, you held out the doll towards him, offering the other paw.

You nodded your head towards the plushie when Rui didn't move.

“Come on. It's only natural for parents to hold their kid's hands while they walk back home, isn't it?” you explained, still finding his reaction extremely amusing.

After a few long seconds, Rui rubbed his face with his hands, barking out a laugh into them. He slowly dragged his fingers down his face, pulling it into a scowl, until he let his arms fall to the side and shook his head, still chuckling.

“You're the one who's impossible.” Rui murmured, half amused and half pained, as he grabbed the plushie's other paw.

You shrugged, grinning, as you slowly began to make your way out of the arcade and back to Darkwick – the plushie between the two of you throughout the entire way.

A buffer between your hands.

In a different world, Rui thought bitterly while you two walked quietly, there would be no need for a silly little doll between you.

In a different world, he'd latch himself onto you in his every waking moment. Even if he had the most boring days, the most mundane chores to fulfill – he would bring you with him, chasing your presence constantly. A sunflower chasing the sun's rays.

In a different world, he would make sure he would never have to fold his laundry alone ever again.

And he would memorize the texture of your favorite shirt and the scent of the one fabric softener that made you linger a little bit longer in his hugs, only to breathe him in deeply.

And he would wash the dishes and give them to you, so you'd carefully place them in the cupboard. All while talking about whether you'd like to adopt one cat and one dog, or two cats and two dogs – and you'd probably think the more the merrier. Rui knew he'd end up cleaning most of their mess, but your happiness would be worth it.

And you'd make bitter coffee on rainy days, and he'd love to do nothing else but place his chin on your shoulder while you two watched the downpour; swaying gently to the sound of a silent music only you two knew of.

And he would love to travel with you to small villages and big cities, but his biggest happiness would be to lay his head down on his trusty pillow and look at you right beside him, snoozing softly in your shared old bed. His back would hurt, the mattress had to be changed, but he'd hide the pain because the memories of nights spent awake talking and kissing and touching your body were too precious.

And, oh, how would he touch your body, especially in those moments in which you were on your knees between his legs, like an angel, and sucking him dry, like a sinner.

Rui shook his head. He could not let his thoughts wander that path. Not if he wanted to keep walking with you and listening to you point out all the cafes you'd like to visit some other time.

Nothing like a raging hard on to ruin the walk back to Darkwick, he thought, chuckling darkly to himself.

Rui went to look at the small plushie that connected you two, only to be met with your eyes staring at him, his heart skipping a beat like all the times in which he looked at you before.

In that moment, he allowed himself to wonder if you dreamed of a mundane life with him as well. If you wanted him on his knees, shackled in devotion to you for the rest of your lives.

And in your smile and the endless pool of your eyes, he swore he could see a longing that mirrored his.

Indirect Kiss

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9 months ago

ok word vomit but thinking about the way some kids suppress memories as a trauma response, and how some kids have visceral reactions to triggers… jiro and zenji must have undergone something incredibly traumatic as kids (an Event), and jiro blocked it out?

it probably can explain why the presence of the crying child coincided with an attack - it either reminded him of himself crying or zenji crying in response to an Event and immediately launched a maladaptive behaviour to help block the memory from resurfacing.

perhaps the reason why jiro hasn’t drawn the link between trigger and behaviour is because he hasn’t met many crying children or things that remind him of his childhood (given that you know . his brother is dead)… or maybe because he and yuri have already linked the behaviour to a different trigger (forgetting to take his medication).

but zenji doesn’t have the same reaction, because he has to remember, because he has to take care of jiro. that’s how he can report case history to mc, tell her that that jiro’s presenting behaviour can strike anytime, and that jiro befell a tragedy that makes him forget etc etc, because he still remembers what happened and he knows its effect on jiro. and that’s how he also knows that (maybe) anything negative related to zenji or their shared childhood will trigger an attack.

which also explains why he wants to keep him being around a spirit a secret / doesn’t want to remind jiro of his existence - because he knows that jiro will suffer for it. maybe as long as jiro’s reminded of zenji dying in the clash, he’ll recall the Event from their childhood and his body’s physical reaction will be so extreme it’ll put him out of commission. no matter how proud he is of his baby brother and how much he wants to interact with him, he’s not willing to put jiro through a world of suffering just so jiro can remember him, especially not since jiro has such a bright future ahead of him.

but some part of jiro does remember, and some part of his network gets activated whenever he hears something zenji used to say. and maybe that’s why he responds with “…where did you hear that?” when mc parrots zenji’s somewhat atypical “many hearts make the dream work” quote…

which points to jiro’s semantic memory being intact post-Event. only his episodic memory has been affected, which again points more to some suppression instead of full on retrograde amnesia.

but iirc we don’t know how far back from before the clash it’s been wiped so this might all be nonsense lmao 🏃🏻

9 months ago

Does that say liar or am I tripping?

Does That Say Liar Or Am I Tripping?

ARE YOU LYING TO US TAIGA?! IS THERE REALLY A TRAITOR?! Or is someone lying to you? :0


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9 months ago

I don't know medicine but I heard bodies after death turn purple because your blood collects in your veins instead of your heart cause your heart stops pumping?

[He's the living dead o((⊙﹏⊙))o!!!]

Jiro Why Do Your Hands Look Like That?

Jiro why do your hands look like that?

Guess we know why he wears gloves.

Anyways it could be the lighting but I’m doubtful considering no one else’s hands has that sort of gradient on them.

Jiro Why Do Your Hands Look Like That?
Jiro Why Do Your Hands Look Like That?
Jiro Why Do Your Hands Look Like That?

I’d post more hands but I’m tired it’s 2:30 and I have to be up in 3 hours for work. 🫠


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