Lucifer, Ranting: Oh And He's So Fucking Infuriating! Thinks He Can Just Waltz Into That Hotel, And Into

Lucifer, ranting: Oh and he's so fucking infuriating! Thinks he can just waltz into that hotel, and into my daughter's life! Daring to argue with me, ME! The King of Hell! With his stupid coat and the ugliest fucking haircut I've ever seen, strolling around as if he owned the place!

Asmodeus, Sin of Lust, able to tell Exactly what is going on, pouring him a second margarita: Mhmm, tell me more, girl.

Has Bruce ever packed the kids lunch when Alfred wasn't there? How'd it go?

[Wayne Enterprises]

Tim: Finally, time for my break.

Tim: *opens his mini fridge*

*dozens of apples fall out*

———————

[the library]

Steph: *chugs a gallon of milk*

Cass: *bites into a bread loaf*

Barbara: I'm not even gonna ask.

———————

[day patrol]

Duke: *opens his lunchbox*

Duke: *sighs*

Duke: *pulls out his bat-skillet*

Duke: *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg—*

———————

[West-Reeve Middle School]

Damian: Kent, I will trade you your cupcake for this head of lettuce.

Jon: ...

Jon: Deal.

———————

[Bludhaven]

Jason: Bruce packed our lunches. He said we're supposed to share.

Jason: *hands him a bag*

Dick: What'd you get?

Jason: A frozen turkey. You?

Dick: *opens it*

*fire alarm goes off*

The Summoner

So! Danny is not the Ghost King.

But he still has a good relationship with a LOT of Powerful and not-so-powerful Ghosts in the Zone. So much so that they have given him their Summoning Circle's with a blanket permission to Summon them any time. Not like they have much else going on...

This all leads to a hilarious situation where Danny can't use his Powers for whatever reason and is forced to Summon his friends for help. In front of a group of Heroes.

He has to explain everything to them, but accidentally convinces them that he has Summoning Magic and the Ghosts are all on his Contract. He also mentions Saving people from Ghosts and the JLA realize that he is a child Hero.

They ask him if he wants to join Young Justice, and Danny hesitantly agrees.

Now Danny is on Young Justice and the entire team thinks that he is a Hero with Ghost Summoning Magic.

And his name isn't Daniel "Commit to the Bit" Fenton for no reason.

Tim woke up after a very overdue nap to a see a toddler playing minesweeper on his supercomputer in one of his emergency bunkers in gotahm.

"You're awake! I got that coffee you wanted." Said the literal adopted bait in a hospital gown. He push aside the rolling chair and pick up a plastic cup tray with four Death Coffee from the Cafe that he literally banned off from Bruce bribing them all.

Tim look like he could cry as he snatch the coffee mug and inhale the sweet sweet scent of caffeine addiction. Sipping it every now and then as he speak to the kid.

"Um.. so how did we met again,..?" Tim asked cause his deprived coffee brain doesn't remember yesterday trauma of going to every Cafe in Gotham that told him he was banned from then until Bruce said it was OK.

"It's danny, and you look like you were going through obsession deprivation near the abandoned warehouse next to that fancy car, blabbering about dam- dang interventions, they can't stop me from having coffee and I asked if I can get you some coffee?

Then you shoved 3000 dollars in my face with the second crazed yet scariest look I ever seen, but i did got your coffee and you cried, but told me not to tell anyone then pick me up as a anti-intervention accompline, you drove us into this cool bunker then passed out after drinking 3 of the 6 coffee, and I started playing minesweeper on your computer, though weak password by the way." Danny said going back to playing minesweeper, nibbling on a chocolate muffin from that Cafe.

"So far 10 outta 10 kidnapping experience though, at least you didn't try to adopt me like the previous Fruitloop before, plus I got money out of it to last 8 months out there." Danny continued saying as he had literally beat Tim's minesweeper record.

Am AU where when Jason come back from the dead he recruits Tim instead of tries to kill him. Tim is the best hacker and is second to Barbra when it comes to surveillance and that’s mostly due to experience. It’s clear that Bruce is not appreciating the skill set of his new little bird, so Jason figured he might as well grab the kid before Bruce permanently ruins another kid.

Tim, fresh off of particularly harsh Bruce lecture and having been receiving the cold shoulder from Dick as well, runs into Red Hood who he almost immediately flags as his Robin and immediately accepts the offer. Tim hadn’t wanted to be Robin in the first place. Bruce was killing himself as Batman and if he ruined Batman then he also ruined Robin’s legacy and since Tim couldn’t save Jason while he was alive, then he would do everything it took to keep his memory alive now that he was dead.

Except Jason wasn’t dead he was in front of Tim, and wouldnt you know it, Tim has also suffered Exponentially at the hands of the Joker. Sure I can help you kill them.

Now we can go two ways here, both being equally enjoyable.

1) we follow the same or similar path. Jason becomes a crime lord stake his claim in crime alley and he and Tim come to an understanding on Batman not killing, why it’s important, and that they just kill the joker themselves. After this while things are tense, they still operate in Gotham.

2) Jason and Tim kill the Joker and decide to fuck out of dodge and essentially become a mercenary duo. Tim gets the info, Jason does the kills.

Additionally, do to shenanigans of your choice, Talia could choose to send Damian to Jason and Tim after the coup since Jason’s her pseudo so and technically still family.  

You know that headcanon about Tim solving cold cases while he stalks the bats? I’m having Thoughts about it. About him being pseudo-adopted by Commissioner Gordon. Aggressively fathered by the person he sends proof of drug deals and police brutality and solved cold cases to. He and Barbara hack into each other’s tech and leave messages. After Jason dies Tim follows Batman around on patrol and uses the Commissioner to get ambulances to whoever needs it. Tim becomes Robin and still works closely with Gordon and insists that Batman can’t kill but a week later maybe he’s presented with a licence to carry. Maybe Tim shoots Joker in the head, and maybe when Jason comes back he hugs Tim instead of beating him up, and maybe when his parents die Commissioner Gordon adopts him instead of Bruce. Babs is a great older sister. They’d spend so much time hacking into the FBI and Justice League for shits and giggles.

Idk. Thoughts.