Batfam - Tumblr Posts
jason: i think we should get a divorce
steph: what are you doing?
jason: just practicing
steph: why are you already planning your hypothetical divorce?
jason: i don't know. i'm getting old, i think i'm having a mid-life crisis
steph: you don't even have a girlfriend
jason: hypothetically divorce me
steph: okay, then i'm hypothetically taking half your assets
jason: well, you didn't sign the hypothetical prenup
jason, to duke: it's called a prenup, right?
duke: yeah, it's a prenup, and you DID hypothetically sign one
steph: who the fuck is this guy?
duke: i'm his hypothetical lawyer in this divorce case
steph: well, then, i'm taking the hypothetical kids
steph, to tim: right? we can get those, right?
tim: yes, we can definitely get the hypothetical kids, don't worry about it
jason: who the fuck is this hypothetical fucking idiot? a hella fucking nerd idiot
tim: wow, that is a lot of hypothetical insults. i need to keep these on for continuity because i look like the other lawyer
steph: this is MY hypothetical lawyer, and we have been hypothetically sleeping with each other
jason: how could you hypothetically do this to me?!
steph: because you hypothetically are an alcoholic!
Pt.19 Gotham Twitter AU
<<Part 18<< Master List >>TBC>>
I've eaten my ama's pozole four days in a row now bc my ama is a basic señora who decides to make it in the heat of summer. Am I tired of it? Absolutely not. My ama's pozole are the gods gift to earth.
Very sad cuz I post these on tiktok too, but the last one I tried posting got taken down for "violating community guidelines" and am trying to appeal, but no luck so far and they won't let me post anything else 😭
PT. 17 Gotham Twitter AU
A month (four days) without uploading and he comes back with a tag (new post).
Sorry yall, my noggin ran out of funny haha juice, so I needed 3-4 business days to refill it.
Posts may be coming in slower from now on, but don't worry I don't plan on stopping anytime soon.
<<Part 16<< Master List >>Part 18>>
Gotham Twitter AU Pt. 20
Had maruchan without tapatio today, and it was a very sad experience.
<<Pt. 19<< Master List >>Pt. 21>>
Pt. 27 Gotham Twitter AU
<<Part 26<< Master List >>TBC>>
Happy One Month Anniversary 🥳🎉 Can't believe it's already been a month since I started this!!
Babysat two of my nieces and one of my nephews today. Can you guys guess which thread was inspired by them 😭
Been on motorcycle tiktok… thinking about these two f-ing around on their motorcycles…
—
Duke: There’s a cop
Jason: Just drive away it’s fine
Duke: No s*** I’m already on the other side of the city
—
Bruce: We’re on the same side of the police, even if they’re corrupt we’re all for justice
Duke, a Robin during the Robin War, a motorcyclist, and a black teenager: Uh huh. Of course
—
Dick: There’s a motorcyclist going 200 in Crime Alley
Jason: Damn, that’s me
Dick: Sick, do a wheelie
batfam imagines??
I keep imagining that when the reader left, they explored their career more, and became like really famous for some reason. But maybe the Batfam doesn’t know, because they changed their name and all that. I can also imagine I’d going to like the Grammys and winning a whole bunch of titles for our songs. I know that’s probably impossible, since they would know, cuz they are famous and all that.
But! Imagine that when we get captured again, they rediscover our music and maybe some of the movies the reader played in 😮. So when there is movie night, they play our movies. And when music plays, they play our music, and maybe watch our music videos.
I know it’s a wild thought but I just keep thinking of it. I’m delusional if you haven’t noticed 🙃
THE DANCE OF THE BLACK WIDOW
bruce wayne x black widow! reader. this is based on the gotham verse but you can picture any bruce you want :3.
playlist: i did something bad - taylor swift, bellow the surface - griffinila, you don’t own me - saygrace, cardigan - taylor swift, static - steve lacy , dark red - steve lacy , softcore - tnh
[ a widow is trained like a machine, meant to have no emotions, no chance of feeling love…. but what if bruce wayne, the man she is protecting teaches her how to love. ]
[october 1st ]
“number 001, enter” dreykov called out to you, he was the owner and founder of the red room. the place you had trained at since you were a child, sat next to him was oswald cobblepot aka the penguin. you entered the big office room and you bowed your head to both men. “001, this is my friend and our new client, penguin.” dreykov smiled at you.
“hello mr. penguin, how may i be of use.” you turned to him and you saw his face light up. dreykov gave you the look. the look was kinda like a green light of sorts, like a code for ~go ahead show off your skills~. dreykov whistled and two big men entered the room, you walked down to a corner of the room, the men followed and when dreykov banged his fist on his desk you got to work, you punched and kicked and flipped both dudes until they dropped on the floor.
they were both bloody and bruised while you didn’t even have a scratch on you. “she’s amazing, my god!!” oswald clapped and laughed like a mad man. dreykov grinned. penguin looked at you ignoring dreykov. “what else can you do.”
“karate, judo, kung fu, wrestling and i’m trained in acrobatics.” your voice sounded almost emotionless and that’s what oswald liked most about you. “she’s skilled in every combat style, she’s a master assassin” you nodded. “I might know of a certain billionaire who might be interested in her” penguin smiled. “bruce wayne? he’s mere boy. what could he use my widow for?” dreykov rolled his eyes.
“all these villains want to kill him. a widow will do him good.” penguin laughed. you swore to god that dreykov gave a genuine smile. “why did u request 001. she’s fresh. i have more experienced widows.” he was right, you just started getting missions at fifteen. other widows like yelena have had over twenty eight years of experience. so why did he want you?.
“bruce is a man of particular taste, y/n is a young beautifully… dangerous woman, just his type”. after about ten minutes of discussion, dreykov dismissed you and told you to pack your things. if things go according to the plan bruce wayne would bid on you and win. you didn’t know why dreykov and oswald wanted bruce to bid on you? but you were raised to follow orders not to question them. widows just do. they don’t ask why and they never said No.
that night you returned to your chambers and started packing your things. all your belongings fit into one medium sized suitcase. you’ve done research on bruce, how his parents died. how villians want him dead. the things he cares about the most some theif named selina kyle, his butler alfred pennyworth.
it was the night of oswalds auction you changed into your stealth suit. it was black with a red hourglass logo on the belt. all widows had white hourglasses on their suits, but dreykov made yours red you never knew why. a handler woman named lorna came and escorted you outside where a limo was waiting for you. you grabbed your suitcase and opened the door. on one side it was the penguin and dreykov.
you sat down on the right side of the limo and sighed. this was going to be a long mission. Oswald cleared his throat “don’t worry, this is only temporary, right?”. dreykov nodded grinning a bit. “right. you’ll be back in two months.” he grabbed champagne and poured himself a glass.
•
you were tucked away in a corner with dreykov watching bidders bid on top of the line weapons, historical paintings that should have been givin to the gotham museum. you kept your eye on bruce he was bidding on some painting, all night he was just reckless spending money. “I LOVE ART. I LOVE IT! YEA” he screamed you weren’t even close to him at all but he was still so loud. “that kids an absolutely brat but he’s definitely gonna love you.” dreykov glanced up at you patting you on your shoulders. “why? does he need to love me.” you cleared your throat. “all in good time my dear.” he chuckled.
you heard bruce and a woman with a white bob have a bidding war over a knife. a knife for god sakes. “woah ms kean. that’s a lot of money, for someone like you” bruce shouted. what an asshole you thought. “TWO MILLION DOLLARS”. bruce just spent two million dollars on a stupid looking knife. you saw oswald run to the stand and bang the wooden gavel. “SOLD! to mr. bruce wayne” people applauded. dreykov chuckled. penguin gave dreykov the signal. penguin was going to go get him interested in well basically renting you.
bruce’s pov:
“i do love seeing that woman lose.” oswald laughed and applauded me. i gave him a fake cocky smile. i was still supposed to be acting like a complete brat after all. he came closer to me and whispered. “a little piece of friendly advice. barbara kean does not give up easily” i nodded pretending to be looking concerned. “she will be coming for that knife. i would just,uh, keep a close eye on it if i were you” oswald grinned. “or you could pay someone else to do it. like a highly trained assassin. she’s the best of the best. they call her a widow. im auctioning her off for two months.” oswald whispered even lower. now he kinda was peeking my interest. “i think you’d like her. you could use a henchman or in this case a henchwomen.” he patted my shoulders and walked back up to the stage. who was he talking about?
“well there’s a new wrinkle, isn’t it?” alfred sighed. “we should stay for the last item. i’d like to see her.” i turned my head back to the stage. “her? you do have a taste for the dangerous. don’t you master b” i rolled my eyes and chuckled. “i do need as much help as i can get against ra’s al ghul” i whispered.
oswald brought up a girl in a black jumpsuit on stage. she was well gorgeous , h/c hair, e/c eyes and a beautiful complexion. she had a a gun strapped on her left thigh. a red hourglass logo was on her belt. “a trained widow assassin. two months of safety guaranteed. she’s made to kill.” oswald laughed. the girl had said nothing. not a word. “can i get a thousand dollars.” i was about to raise my hand to bid but then a old guy in a red suit came close to the auction stage. “three thousand dollars.” the old guy muttered oswalds face changed to an annoyed look.
“five thousand dollars and 89 cents.” i raised my hand but this creep kept bidding more. “fuck off” I told him. i don’t know why but i needed to be near her. “a million and fifteen cents” oswald winked at me and raised his gavel to bang it on the desk. “SOLD! to mr bruce wayne again.” some people clapped, the others gave me dirty looks.
•
dreykov grabbed your suitcase and your hand and escorted you to bruce . you kept a smile on your face and you had your hands to the side, almost dangling over your gun. “mr. wayne. congratulations this is 001. my personal favorite widow” dreykov chuckled a bit. “so she’s a bodyguard?” alfred questioned. “yes and so much more. she has many different talents, ill pick her up november 30th unless you decide to rent her again. you bowed your head before speaking. “mr.wayne, i am at your service.” he smiled and shook your hand.
you shook alfreds hand and greeted him. “mr pennyworth” you bowed. “no need for that child.” he smiled. you were put off by it, it’s like a fake smile. maybe he felt bad for you. but you didn’t really know. you haven’t felt anything. only anger and fear. “so i’ll let you get going.” dreykov handed you your suitcase and left, probably going to find penguin. you clutched your suitcase but suddenly alfred grabbed your suitcase from your hands. “alright master wayne. miss 001. let’s get going.”
the car ride to bruce’s home was really awkward. he kept asking you questions about dreykov and about widows, you gave him very vague answers. “why do they call you 001?” he asked. “i don’t know. dreykov picked it out.” you said blank faced. “widows don’t have names?” he asked like a curious boy. a complete 180 from what u seen him act like at the auction. “some do. dreykov gives us names when he thinks we deserve it.” you sighed it was chilly in his car. alfred watched you two from the rear view window. “alfred when we reach the manner could you prepare tea, i have a lot of questions for 001”
• 
“don’t you feel that its dehumanizing that dreykov auctioned you off.” bruce sips his tea as alfred pours you some. “well i don’t really feel much of anything really. dreykov is like a father. this is how i repay him.” you bowed your head to alfred and sipped your tea. “how long have you been um- uh?” he choked on his words. “widowing? since I was fifteen so 4 and a half years.” his eyes wandered around your face. “you’re alovely miss. why become something so deadly” the older man asked while taking a seat next to bruce at the dinning table. “girls are often under looked by men. i use my lovely face to manipulate men and then I shoot them dead” alfreds eyebrows raised.
you really shouldn’t be sharing any of this with bruce but you did anyways it just felt natural talking to him. “i noticed at the auction earlier. that you have a red hourglass on your belt.” bruce placed a scone on your plate with some tongs. “it’s a symbol all widows agents have but only mine is red.” it wasn’t necessary to tell him the last bit, yet you did. “the black widow has an red hourglass marking” he bit into his scone. “i like it. that spider is deadly” you grinned “the name suits you well. 001 the black widow. doesn’t it alfred?”. “yes sir but she’ll need a name we won’t be calling her a bloody number.” alfred chuckled.
“im sure we will come up with something but in the meantime we will call her widow. is that ok with you.” he looked to you. “of course sir.”
[bruce’s study ]
it was big and rustic looking. lots of books on fancy looking shelves. he sat down on his chair in front of a desk. you adjusted your a suit a bit and made sure your gun was loaded and ready, as well as your escrima sticks. “do you ever have days off?” oh god more questions you thought. “nope. i love this job.” eh it was half true. “i don’t really know you but something tells me that i want to”
“mr. wayne there’s nothing to know.” you sat down on the couch near the desk. “on the contrary. i think there’s much to learn.” he grinned. bastard. you were feeling things you shouldn’t have. COULDN’T HAVE. widows don’t get butterflies in their stomachs. they don’t deserve it. love. you wouldn’t even know what it’d feel like. widows are basically like machines.
“i think i sense something sir. don’t be alarmed but im going to turn off your lights. stay put.” you walk over to the light switch and switch it off.
you stood very close to the window. you signaled to bruce to keep quiet. a couple seconds later a shadowy figure appeared in his study. you ran up and used your thighs to flip her over and on top of the ground. bruce turned his desk lamp on. “selina?” bruce said slowly like he wasn’t sure. “should I finish her off sir” you reached for your gun that rested on your thigh. “no. let her get up” you did as you were told. “ow! so this is the tramp you hired huh?” selina chuckled . “watch how you address her. she’s my widow.” he raised his voice just a little bit.
you felt a vibe between them. maybe they used to go out you thought. “apologies. we were expecting some else” bruce sighed. “who?” selina scoffed. “doesn’t matter. what are you doing here?” he sounded genuinely curious. you walked over to bruce’s side. you clutched your gun in you hands. you don’t trust the street rat you hear he is so infatuated with. “i heard about penguins auction” selina looked at you up and down. “so barbara sent you for the knife. figured i’d just hand it over” listening to these two bickering was hilarious. “something like that.” she smiled. “why’s it so important to her?”
“how should i know? she was supposed to get it for some client. a pretty dangerous guy.” selina huffed “and that if you were smart you’d hand it over and save yourself the trouble.” selinas eyes were calm. meant that she didn’t see bruce as a treat. that’s how she was able to talk to him so causally. “I spent two million dollars on it i think I’ll keep it” he began to raise his voice. you kept your words to yourself.
“why are you acting like this.” selina crossed her arms sounding a bit hurt. “me? what about you. are you barbara keans errand girl now.?” he stood up from behind his desk. “I’m her partner but she won’t see me as equals unless you do me this solid.” selina pleaded with him. “widow. you may be dismissed. there is no threat” you bowed and left the study leaving bruce and selina alone.
•
about an hour later alfred helped you settle into your bedroom. it was big and had plenty of room. alfred brought you some clean sheets and fluffy blue towels . you thanked the elderly man and bowed. “goodnight young miss.” he smiled and left you alone. you made your bed and unpacked some of your jumpsuits into one of the many closets. you grabbed a blue towel and went to shower.
you wanted to wash the guilt away. you grabbed your pill bottle and took two. dreykov would scold you if you didn’t take them. you packed a black pair of shorts and a tank top. a widows favorite pajama set. another thing you sneakily pack was a pair of pink pointe shoes. you didn’t enjoy much of anything but you did like ballet, tho you’d never say it out loud.
after you got out of the shower you brushed your hair into a tight bun. two knocks were heard. “widow.” it of course was bruce wayne. you closed your eyes and sighed walking to the door. “hello sir, do you need anything” you smiled. “no. i just want to let you know that im four doors down. and alfred’s room is downstairs. if you need anything.” he smiled.
“thank you sir” you bowed your head. “bruce is fine. tomorrow me and alfred have some errands to run but you are free to use the kitchen,gym and living room. alfred will set up a tv for you tomorrow” his voice was soft as silk, as sweet as red whine. “goodnight” he touches your arm and pats it. “night.” you said in response. he left leaving you feeling very much confused. how would you last two months?
Y'all that was a heavy couple of rants
To lighten the mood for my batman universe fans;
Batfam <3
alfred & bruce's relationship in gotham tv is so based. ur telling me bruce told alfred some asshole hit him and insulted martha wayne and alfred TAUGHT BRUCE HOW TO PUNCH AND DROVE TO THAT KID'S HOME JUST TO HAVE BRUCE PUNCH THE KID. alfred fucking pennyworth u absolute madman. no wonder bruce dresses up as a bat and fights crime as a grown ass adult
Batman for president. Right now. The only chief executive who doesn't need a secret service detail. Play with him if you want to! He from the east side of Gotham. Don't play wit him. 💀
And Nightwing can be his press secretary!
@prettyvintageafternoon
not gonna cap, i feel like at some point all of gotham did in fact vote for Bruce Wayne as president. it scared the absolute shit out of him
What if instead of Marinette being a Wayne it’s Kagami, I mean we already see that Kagami takes after her mother you can see the similarities in the way that Bruce and Kagami act, both emotionally awkward and are both skilled in combat. I suppose that makes them more similar than him and Marinette besides her having brownish yellow eyes and being and not being a hero/vigilante like Marinette but we can’t forget that Kagami was involved in hero business for some time.
Anyways this was just a quick Drabble, thoughts???
✨𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭✨
𝐬𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐝: 08.08.2022
𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝: 07.06.2024
𝐭𝐨𝐭𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐤𝐬:
✨𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐥 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 ✨𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
✨𝐝𝐜 𝐮𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐞 ✨𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
✨𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 ✨ 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
✨𝐭𝐯 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰𝐬 ✨ 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
✨𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐬 ✨𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
✨𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐬 ✨ 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
✨𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐩𝐚𝐝 ✨ 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭
I'm working on a much bigger project featuring this guy. I'll probably start sticking stuff for it in here as it comes so be expecting a lot more DC from me lol. Now, headcanon time!
---
Jason Todd is probably one of my favorite DC characters, but also one that I feel has been generally mishandled.
One of the biggest things I think people forget about Jason is that he is, in fact, an anti-hero.
He does messed up shit because he knows that it's arguably the only way to really make a difference. Batman's methods, while generally noble, are relatively ineffective in the grand scheme of things. Due to the corruption of Gotham's justice system and rehabilitation system for criminals, the Big Bads really don't get their just desserts, which only leads to more people getting hurt and continuing the cycle of violence that has existed for so long.
Let's be real - the Joker has probably single-handedly ruined more lives than Batman could ever hope to save. I know, I know - that's dark, but it's probably true.
Trying a more drastic approach to keeping criminals off the streets doesn't seem too insane when those criminals don't get a clue to maybe stop after being beaten to a pulp by Batman.
I guess a lot of them are into that sort of thing lol.
In any case, Jason kills the bad guys so the families in the city won't have to worry about losing a child to the Joker's insanity, so women won't feel afraid to walk 100 feet down the sidewalk without turning into another missing persons photo on the ever-growing list, so that children don't have to worry about losing their parents to a hostage situation gone wrong.
I would argue that Jason Todd is not a bad person. In fact, I would argue that he is a very good person who is willing to go further than anyone else to help others because he knows exactly what it is like to be lost the grief, pain, and rage that comes from not being helped.
---
Anyway, that's all I've got for know. I'll probably do more character study stuff for the Bat family soon. Should be fun.
I made yet another thing. And it's on Youtube! That's pretty neat!
And then they laughed in the car for thirty minutes before finally going on whatever mission they had. I like to think that Bruce was originally going to say they had a family emergency or something but Jason was like, "Nah, I got this."
Anyway, headcanon time:
After raising Dick, whose humor consists mainly of puns, dad jokes, and bits of sarcasm, Bruce got whiplash when along came the hundred pounds of sarcasm and dark humor that was Jason Todd. And who tf hits Batman with a crowbar after stealing his tires?
Jason Todd was a menace and will continue to be a menace, and Bruce thinks it's hilarious.
Haven't done anything DC-related for a while so here's Dick and some headcanons.
---
Funnily enough, Dick Grayson is by far the most perplexing character in the Bat family (for me). He's been through a lot, seen a lot, done a lot, and yet he's still a shining beacon of hope and goodness for everyone in his life. He isn't possessed by obsessions for vengeance or rage, nor the trauma he's experienced. While the death of his parents and those close to him has certainly dictated some aspects of his life, it has never dragged him down into the darkness like it has others. It does, however, allow his to deeply understand people and their needs (see his relationship with Damian when Dick was Batman, how close he is with Jason, etc.).
And therein lies what makes Dick one of the best heroes (in my humble opinion). The overwhelming ability to care for others and the pure desire to help where he can - that, right there, is Dick.
In the darkness, there will always be light. It's surprising to see, especially in as dark of places as Bludhaven or Gotham.
---
Sorry for the long paragraphs lol. I have a lot to say.
So I noticed how that in this Tim. Is the only outlier. Like everyone else is in the rows while Tim is not, like is there any symbolism or am I reading too far into this?
Edit: I know there is not enough family members for even seating, that’s what I meant when I said “or am I reading too far into this?” It is a joke