I'm Sitting Here In Class Trying Not To Laugh My Ass Off...

I'm sitting here in class trying not to laugh my ass off...

This. Is. Canon. FIGHT ME

Okay, but the real question the Dimileth shippers should be asking is how disastrous is the wedding?

You think Alois and Seteth aren’t going to throw down over who gets to give away Byleth? Alois considers himself Byleth’s older brother and Seteth says he, Flayn, and Byleth are family in their A support. Those two are going to throw down right after the announcement and you can’t convince me otherwise.

Then there’s the Rhea drama to consider. She’s your grandmother-daughter and she’s high key going to have a mini crisis over here. She’s probably expected to oversee the damn wedding and she’s totally not going to be able to do it because as far as she’s concerned her mom is getting married and she’s going to have to start calling Dimitri dad.

If Annette isn’t squealing about trying to manage the whole thing single highhandedly than I’ll eat my own foot. Then Mercedes and Flayn gets in on it and suddenly the wedding planning committee is getting out of hand. Dedue somehow gets involved because, of anyone, he’s the most determined that Dimitri has a fantastic wedding. No one can stop this man, he’s going to crack down harder than anyone on the wedding planning. With Annette, Flayn and Mercedes by his side he is an unstoppable force of nature. The palace cooks tell horror stories for years to come, the gardeners still fear his face.

It’s a good thing Faerghus is blue coded, because if this was a traditional Russian style wedding than a red wedding dress would clash like heck with Byleth’s mint green hair.

I bet that they do that crystal glass shattering thing where you throw down the glass to tell how many happy years the couple will be together and Dimitri’s monster strength shatters the thing to dust.

Sylvain probably begged to be the best man, but the position was firmly given to Ingrid, who is the single owner of a brain cell during this entire event. Felix is forced to give a speech, he calls the King a Boar that somehow fooled Byleth in marriage. Ingrid tries to stop him, but it’s too late. Sylvain then takes over and it somehow gets worse. Goddess damn it you guys, you had one job and that was to pretend you weren’t awful for a moment.

Gilbert may or may not have spent the entire time crying. No one noticed because Alois cried louder. Ashe spent the whole time taking a sniff or two as well.

Dimitri’s last name is effing Welsh, he totally carves a Welsh Love Spoon for Byleth and nothing can convince me otherwise.

And dear GODDESS the guest list.

Don’t you think for one moment Claude isn’t going to drag his butt all the way from his plans to witness THIS disaster. Hilda is right on his heels because there’s no way she’s not going to miss a party this big. In fact, all the Golden Deer show up. It’s wild. The after party is the nightmare of many a castle servant for years to come.

The staff of Garreg Mach are all there too. A certain nurse and songstress is seen consuming alcohol in high volumes and crying about treachery. How dare Byleth get married? They were supposed to die single together if Manuela couldn’t find a man.

Everything falls to disaster so fast that it’s legendary. Faerghus tells stories of it for years to come. There are dramatic plays. Dimitri despairs.