I Want That Jacket I Want That Hair I Want That Necklace

i want that jacket i want that hair i want that necklace

someone find me a jake clone bc what is this

GRGRGRGRRGR

[JAKE] Have a good weekendd!!❤️

I SAW THIS THIS MORNING IM SCARED

i cannot emphasize how necessary it is to have a buddy to participate in fandom with. completely elevated experience. don't have a buddy? find someone you like and message them and be their friend. gush over every sketch and drabble and insane headcanon they have. live life to the fullest.

WHYS THIS REAL LIKE KM PULLING MY HAIR OUT FR ISNSKSNSLS DC

Niki's blonde hair in bite me era is my roman empire bc

LOOK

AT

HIS

HAIR

AUGHABYEHSHSG

why you scared hehehehehehehe *smirks totally not evily*

IM SCARED IM RUNNING AWYA TO MOROCCO

i’m actually sobbing why do i do this to myself

i actually need to stop reading angst

ILY FOR THIS ITS SO GOODHSISNSISBX

bandaids are no good for heartache - y.j.w.

summary — with jungwon so busy with work, you've been feeling like less of a priority to him.

pairing — bf!idol!jungwon x gf!reader

genre — angst with a pinch of fluff

wc — 4.5k

warnings — lots of break up talk, super brief mention of potential cheating (no cheating happens tho), jungwon on his knees begging (very much self-indulgent and i am not sorry)

a/n — #ILOVEANGST <3 tbh i'm not super proud of this but i rly wanted to put smth out during my lil uni break. also i almost wrote my name instead of "y/n" multiple times while writing this ... the delusions are getting to me i think. anyway this whole fic is extremely self-indulgent (mostly the begging i just love when men beg *evil laughs*)

your eyes sting as they stay trained on the screen of your ipad, illuminating your face in the dark room. it’s been weeks since you saw him last, and now you watch your boyfriend dancing across the stage in a livestream of his concert, catching it in the early hours of the morning because of the time zone difference. he looks so happy. he always looks the happiest on stage, doing what he loves. you continue to watch him jump around and laugh with his members, trying to remember the last time you saw him smile like that with you.

as the concert comes to an end, you watch jungwon’s sweet grin as he waves goodbye to his fans. fans. honestly, that’s what you’re starting to feel like too. it’s been months since you felt his presence in yours—even when he’s with you, it feels like his mind is spiraling elsewhere, never keeping his attention on you. is it his fault? of course not, and you know that. being as young as he is, and having as many responsibilities as he has can definitely take a toll on someone, especially on top of constantly being on the road. although you’ve always been supportive of him, there are times where you feel like you’re not getting enough back. this is something that’s been in the back of your mind for a while now, but you could never bring yourself to voice it to him. you know how much jungwon appreciates your support and care, and you cannot fathom putting more of a burden on him when he’s already so stressed and busy. so, you stay silent, just as you always have. it’s just a little seed of concern anyway.

what you didn’t notice though is how over the years, that seed of concern started growing as resentment in the silence of your heart, spreading roots that tangled with your love for him, making it harder and harder to separate the two.

your thoughts and worries fade into nothing as you fall into a quiet slumber, your body curling into just one side of the bed in jungwon's absence.

--

the day of jungwon's return home arrives like any other. it’s a routine you’ve fallen into—knowing he'll walk through the door sometime in the evening, bringing with him the familiar mix of exhaustion and relief. as you await his arrival, you decide to make his favourite dinner as a small surprise. 

as you prepare the dining table, you hear the rattling of the door knob, turning around just in time to see your fatigued boyfriend come through the door. despite his exhaustion, he wears a lazy smile on his face, always so happy to see you.

“wonie! i missed you so much!” you jump into his embrace, his arms instinctually wrapping around you, dropping his bags in the process. you feel his face fall into the crook of your neck, taking a deep breath as if to ingrain your scent into his mind.

“i missed you a lot too, baby,” he pulls back to look at you and give you a chaste kiss before setting you down, keeping his arms wrapped around you. “i’m hungry as hell though. we had snacks for the road but fuckass sunghoon ate them all in the first half of the ride.” 

you snicker at his expression of distaste towards his friend’s actions. “well, lucky for you, i made your favourite!” you gesture towards the table set up with your home cooked meal. you watch jungwon’s eyes sparkle with excitement as he looks between you and the dining table. you feel his arms wrap around you tighter as he pecks the top of your head. “what did i do to deserve you, y/n…” he asks rhetorically, affection prominent in his voice.

“yeah, sometimes i ask myself the same thing,” you reply teasingly.

as you two start to eat away at your hard work, jungwon tells you all about what happened at the concerts they had in the past two months. 

“no way, he did that? oh my god, that’s so dangerous!”

“i’m serious, he jumped off the platform while it was still in the air! it was insane, but you know what jay’s like during concerts, so it’s not too shocking.”

you sigh as you poke the food on your plate with your spoon. “i wish i could’ve been there. the livestream didn’t show that,” you huff.

jungwon smiles at your pouting. “well, we’re having a show here in two weeks, so you can come to that one!”

he looks at you expectantly, waiting for your squeal of excitement, but it doesn’t come. what he gets instead is a blank stare, that quickly turns into a hesitant smile. “oh, nice!” you try to muster up as much excitement as you can, but your disappointment is too evident. he just came back and they’ve already planned the next concerts, meaning he’s not going to be around at all for those two weeks since he’ll be too busy preparing and practicing. you’re going to be alone again. you can’t help but feel a bit selfish for thinking this way, but you’re starting to feel like you don’t know how much longer you can handle this for. at the same time, you feel like you can’t bring it up because you don’t want to burden jungwon even further.

he raises an eyebrow at you. “nice? that’s all i get? i thought you’d be more excited about this.”

“i am excited, wonie,” you lie as you start to get up to clear your plate when you feel your eyes begin to burn with tears. as you walk towards and into the kitchen, his eyes don’t leave your face for a second.

“okay, obviously you’re not, y/n. i know you, and i know when you’re not telling the truth,” he says, his eyebrows so furrowed that they’re almost connected. “what’s wrong?”

an uncomfortable tension starts to settle in the air as you continue to lie to him. “nothing’s wrong! i’m just tired.” you hope he didn’t hear the slight crack in your voice as the tears start threatening to fall. unfortunately for you, jungwon knows you better than you know yourself and he knows when you’re upset. he heard the familiar crack loud and clear, and he knows exactly what it means.

“wait, baby, are you crying?”

you swallow down the tears rising in an attempt to hide them from jungwon. “no, what do you mean?” you try to mask your sadness with a chuckle, but jungwon knows you better than that.

“my love, you know you can tell me anything, right? talk to me,” he says softly.

and apparently, that’s your last straw. the second his words hit your ear, the dam breaks.

alarms blare in his mind as soon as he sees the first tear fall, screaming for him to get up and wrap you into his chest, as he usually does in this type of situation. and so, that’s exactly what he does, just as he has in the past. the only difference here is that when he reaches for your crying form, you brush him off and leave for your room. jungwon feels his heart crack while he watches you walk away from him in this state. this is the first time he’s felt like he didn’t know how to help you, since he doesn’t even know what he’s done wrong.

after hearing the door of your shared room shut, jungwon cleans up the rest of the dining table. he decided to give you some space to cool down, while also giving himself some space to figure out how to approach this. now that he’s thinking about it, he hasn’t seen you cry in months. you’ve always put on a smile for him, and now he can’t help but wonder what he's been missing. after what feels like a long few minutes, he decides he can't wait any longer and heads to your room. he doesn't want to push too soon, but he can't stand the thought of you hurting alone. lifting his hand to knock on the door, he calls out for you.

“y/n? can i come in?” hearing a muffled noise of approval from your side of the door, he hesitantly enters the room. the first thing he sees is you lying under the covers with your back facing him.

you feel a dip in the bed behind you as he sits next to your sad figure. not knowing what to say, he gently smooths down your hair, hoping to relieve you from even an ounce of your heartache. the tenderness of the act, although small, is enough for you to start crying again.

before jungwon came into the room, your mind was reeling with thoughts about how this is going to work out. how can you tell him that you need more from him when he’s already working himself to the bone for his career? you can’t put that pressure on him, so instead you came to the conclusion that maybe it’s time to let go. he deserves to focus on his career, and you can’t keep waiting for someone who's never fully present. when he starts petting your head to cheer you up, the guilt hits you like a truck. you sit up, thinking it’s better if you just bite the bullet now.

jungwon worriedly looks into your teary eyes, now filled with sadness and a hint of something more complex. he’s never seen you like this before, and it scares him. sure, he’s seen you cry before. many times actually. after all, you’ve been together for two and a half years. but usually, the first thing you do when you’re upset is lean to him for comfort. the second he opens his arms for you, you fall right into them. this time, it almost feels like you’re pushing him away, like you don’t want his help. and that terrifies him. 

his eyes are stuck on your wandering ones, as you don’t have it in you to look at him as you say this. jungwon’s hand goes to hold your cheek, gently urging you on, encouraging you to speak. he holds you so softly, so delicately, as if you’re the most fragile thing in the world. your eyes shut with guilt. you need to get it out now, before the moment slips away from you.

“jungwon, i don’t think i can do this anymore.” your eyes are still closed, afraid that seeing his face will make you regret your decision. the words leave your mouth much weaker than you intended them to, but jungwon hears you loud and clear. hoping you don’t mean what he thinks you mean, he asks for confirmation.

“what can’t you do anymore, darling?” although you can’t see him, you hear the shakiness in his voice, suggesting that he’s holding back tears. when you finally open your eyes, you’re met with the view of his glistening eyes and sad smile, as if he’s unable to accept your words.

your heart aches at his state, but you have to do this. for the sake of both you and him. “jungwon, please don’t make this harder than it has to be.” 

his heart shatters at that. disbelief, sadness, and anger seeps into his bones. harder than it has to be? his beloved girlfriend of almost three years is breaking up with him, is this supposed to be easy? 

what part of losing you could ever be easy?

“what? are you serious?” he manages to muster out, the words barely audible in his state of shock.

he stands up from the bed, hand going straight through his hair in frustration. “okay, y/n, what the fuck is going on? why are you doing this? you’re breaking up with me, for no reason, and you think i’m just going to be okay with it? what, you think i’m not going to fight for us?” 

“jungwon, i’m sorry--”

“no, y/n, you’re not sorry, because this isn’t happening. we’re not breaking up, because there’s literally no reason to.” he looks at you with a twinge of insanity lingering behind his eyes. have you lost your mind? no way in hell is he letting you go, especially when you two have been fine until now.

but now you’re starting to get frustrated with the tone he’s taking with you. jungwon’s talking to you like you’re crazy, as if this is something you decided on a whim. you’ve both raised your voices at each other before, but this time it feels like new territory. “alright, tone it down, jungwon.” you say, gentle but firm.

your demand seems to anger him even further as he stares at you with disbelief etched into his features.

“oh my god, y/n, can you even hear yourself? telling me to tone it down when you just tried to dump me, of course i’m going to be upset!”

“i really don’t want to fight right now—”

“do you think i want this to be happening right now? of course not! i just came back from tour and i’m so fucking tired. i don’t want to be here right now either!” the words slip out quickly, before he can even think about them. for a split second, his face twitches with a hint of regret, but he quickly masks it again when he sees your stare piercing into his.

at that, you snap. “yeah, i can tell! you never want to be here, and i know that because you never fucking are! you’re always off on tour or at group dinners, and i basically live by myself at this point!” the words spill out uncontrollably, too late to stop them even if you tried. your tears are all dry now, the previous feeling of sadness in your body now being replaced with anger.

“you’re never here, jungwon. and even when you are, it’s like i don’t even exist to you!”

jungwon blinks at your outburst. you’ve never vocalized these feelings before, and it takes him by surprise. he had no idea you felt this way.

“y/n, that’s not fair. this is my job—you knew this when we started dating.” his voice is calmer now, but there’s a hint of wariness, as if he’s trying to tread carefully, afraid that your frustration with his career might mean you’re really ready to walk away.

before you can respond, jungwon’s phone buzzes, interrupting the charged moment. he glances at the screen, and you can see the frustration carve deeper lines on his face. “it’s my manager,” he mutters, eyes narrowed. “i can’t believe this is happening right now.”

the irony makes you scoff, jungwon head snapping away from his phone to look at you. “this is what i mean, jungwon! i know it’s not your fault but i can’t keep doing this anymore! even when you’re with me, your mind is constantly somewhere else!” you exclaim exasperatedly.

“okay, y/n, but what am i supposed to do about that?” he yells out, his voice raising once again. “i just don’t know what you want from me right now. you knew about my job since we met, you knew what you were getting into,” he breathes out, frustration filling him to the brim.

“yeah, i know, and i thought i would be okay with it, but i can’t keep waiting for you like a sad puppy while you’re out having the time of your life with who knows who.” you don’t mean that. you know you don’t. but right now you can only see red, and all you want to do is hurt him the way you’ve been hurting. 

and that you did.

your words hit jungwon in the chest like a truck. of everything that’s been said today, this one hurts the most. as if his heart wasn’t already in pieces, it feels like an anvil has crashed down on the fragments, crushing them even further. his eyes fill to the brim with tears, and he does everything he can to keep them from falling.

as your words continue to sink in, hurt flashes in his eyes. “you think i’m out there having the time of my life? with “who knows who”? you really think i would cheat on you?” he looks at you incredulously as he says that, as if he can’t believe those words even came out of your mouth. jungwon’s voice is quieter now, everything coming out in a whisper. “you have no idea how hard it is for me to leave you every time i go on tour,” he sighs, his voice laced with frustration and shock. “i’m not some asshole who’s choosing this over you. i’m doing it because i care about us, y/n! it’s like you don’t even know me anymore.”

the pain in his voice goes straight to your heart, but you know you can’t stop now. “i barely do, jungwon, that’s what i’m trying to tell you! this relationship is going nowhere because we’re never around each other anymore… i thought i’d be able to handle you constantly being away but i guess i overestimated myself.”

jungwon lets out a bitter laugh at your remark. “overestimated yourself or your love for me?” he pauses for a second before continuing, “you know what, maybe you’re right. maybe it is best if we break up,” he looks at you, his sweet brown orbs now replaced with piercing feline eyes filled with anger and sadness, “because if you really loved me, you wouldn’t have given up this easily.” his fists are clenched tightly as he speaks, nails digging into his palms almost painfully. he doesn’t really want to break up, right now he’s just throwing your words back at you in a pathetic attempt to hurt you back.

your heart sinks at his words. “oh my god, jungwon, don’t you get it? it’s been like this for months now, this isn’t a new issue,” you stand up and face him, hands reaching out for his arms to hold him down, trying to ground him to get him to listen to you. “i’ve reached my limit, jungwon. we’re at two different stages in our lives right now, and i can’t keep spending my life waiting for you while you’re out living yours,” you say, your voice much more gentle now as you watch his eyes soften back into the adorable big brown eyes you’ve always loved to lose yourself in.

he squeezes his eyes shut, struggling to contain the whirlwind of emotions swirling within him. “i can’t help my job, y/n. i want to be there for you, but you’re acting like i’m actively choosing my job over you as if i have a choice... it’s just not that simple.”

“i know, none of this is.” your hands move to brush his overgrown bangs out of his face. silence hangs heavy between you, both of you grappling with your emotions. jungwon’s gaze flickers away, and for a brief moment, he looks lost. “i didn’t realize how hard this was for you,” he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. “i just... i thought you understood.”

you soften at his sad tone, all the anger drained from your veins now. “i do, jungwon, but i feel so alone sometimes, and i can’t go on like this anymore. this is what’s best for us. for both of us.” despite the tears softly trickling down your face, your voice was steady, almost serene, as if you had been preparing yourself for this moment. jungwon’s confusion deepened, his brows knitting together as he tried to process the calmness that radiated from you.

“how can you be so calm about this?” jungwon asked with a sniffle, almost in disbelief. his voice had softened, but there was a hint of desperation behind it. “you’re just… okay with breaking up? just like that?” his heart drops to the bottom of his stomach with the realization that this is really happening. you’re really breaking up with him right now. his eyes fill with tears for the nth time this evening as he looks at you, waiting for an answer.

you met his gaze, and for a moment, jungwon saw a flicker of something he couldn’t quite place—was it resignation, or acceptance? he couldn’t tell, and that only made him feel more unsettled.

“i don’t know, jungwon,” you replied with a sigh, glancing away for a moment. “i’ve thought about this so much… and maybe i’ve just come to terms with it. we need different things, jungwon. you need someone who’ll be okay with your busy schedule, and i need someone who’s always going to be there for me.”

at your last sentence, jungwon’s resolve breaks, salty tears flowing out of his beautiful eyes. 

you need someone who’ll always be there for you. you’re saying you need someone else. 

hearing you say that you need more than him pains him to no end, as if each word is a dagger to his heart. he feels a surge of panic, the thought of a future without you consuming him. his mind races, replaying every moment, every laugh, every shared dream, and he realizes how much he’s taken for granted. he wants to scream, to tell you that he can change, that he can be better, but the words feel stuck in his throat. instead, he stares at you, feeling helpless and terrified, grappling with the reality that the love of his life feels abandoned in a relationship he thought was built on understanding.

jungwon’s face crumples at the thought of you needing someone else, his expression torn between hurt and understanding. “you’re right,” he says after a moment, his voice barely above a whisper. “i haven’t been giving you what you need, and i hate that i’ve made you feel so alone.”

your eyes widen as jungwon gets on his knees as he reaches for your hands, holding them tightly in his, as if anchoring himself. “y/n, i know i’ve been so focused on my job that i haven’t been there for you. but i don’t want you to feel like you need more than what i can give. i want to be enough for you—i need to be enough for you. i’m ready to change, to do whatever it takes to make this work.”

“jungwon—” he cuts you off as he notices your hesitancy to accept his words. 

“please, y/n. i’m not letting you go like this. not when i know i can give you what you need. just give me a chance to show you. please, baby, don’t leave me like this.” his hands are wrapped around your smaller ones, his watery, pleading eyes looking up at you as he begs you to stay with him.

you want to believe him, you really do. you’re just scared of nothing changing. he opens his mouth to speak again when he notices your silence. his grip on your hands tightens, as if he’s afraid you might slip away. “i know i’ve messed up,” he says, his voice raw and honest. “but i’m willing to fight for us. i’ll make time for you, i’ll change for you. just give me the chance to prove that i can be the boyfriend you deserve. the one you need.”

“please, princess, trust me.”

you feel a tear run down your cheek at his words. “i’m scared, jungwon. but i want to believe you. we can try again, but if things don’t change…” your words trail off, shaking your head while looking into his eyes, gesturing that this is his last chance.

“i understand, baby,” he replies, his tone earnest. “and i swear i’ll make it happen. i’ll show you that i can put you first. just please don’t walk away from me. i love you so much, y/n.”

“i love you too, jungwon.” you smile at him, a twinge of sadness still evident in your expression, a result of the heated argument you two just had. you pull him up by his cheeks, your lips meeting his a kiss filled with love, fear, and relief. you taste the saltiness of his tears on his lips as they continue to fall from his eyes. when you pull away from him, he gently drags you down onto the bed with him, his warm body enveloping yours in a tight embrace. you hear his uncontrollable sniffles coming from behind you, making you turn to face him. your hands instinctively move to his face to wipe his tears away, and his eyes close at the feeling of your fingers carefully treading his soft skin.

“wonie, baby, it’s okay, i’m here with you.” you whisper to him, kissing his nose in reassurance, trying to soothe his emotions that are still in the process of coming down from their high. his heart rate starts to slow at the sound of your sweet voice calling him by your nicknames for him again.

“i just can’t believe i almost lost you, princess. that was so scary,” your heart aches knowing that you made him hurt like that, but at the same time, you knew it had to be done. “please don’t ever do that to me again. i promise i’ll never give you a reason to feel like you need more than me ever again.” his hands move to rest on top of yours which are still placed on his cheeks.

“i won’t, baby. i didn’t want to hurt you, but i guess i needed you to understand how i felt. i never wanted to bring it up before because i didn’t want to add my needs to your already full plate.” you can’t shake the slight feeling of embarrassment that rises at the realization that this whole argument happened because you hid this one thing from him.

“you can always tell me anything, my love. your needs are my priority, your happiness being the most important thing to me over everything else in the world. please don’t ever think otherwise.” his eyes don’t leave your glossy, embarrassed ones as he speaks, ensuring that you remember his words. his chapped lips move to leave a soft kiss on your forehead, his lips barely grazing your skin as if he’s scared you’ll fade away at his touch. “and next time there’s something on your mind, please just tell me as soon as it comes up. slapping a bandaid on it is just going to let it fester and blow up again, and i can’t stress enough how badly i don’t want to lose you.” 

“i understand, wonie. i’m not going anywhere.”

he nods, relief washing over his features. “no more hiding our feelings, okay?” a small smile breaking through his tears.

“okay,” you promise, feeling the warmth of his hands still cradling yours, grounding you in the moment.

in that shared silence, you both know that challenges may still lie ahead, but you know you have each other. and right now, that’s more than enough.

@jayparked HOW DO WE FEEL

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