Atsushi:

atsushi:

akutagawa:

atsushi:

akutagawa:

atsushi:

akutagawa: so you come here often, jinko?

atsushi: this is my shower. you are fully clothed and standing in my shower. you do understand that, right?

Falling asleep in one of the House of Lamentation's common rooms can be a gamble. At best, somebody kindly carries you back to your room and tucks you in. Or maybe they leave you where you were, but drape a jacket or blanket over you.

Sometimes they go overboard, and you wake up with too many blankets. It's sweltering hot and excessively heavy. You thought the brothers were just being supportive in a weird way until Mammon accidentally revealed everyone is trying to break the record of 23 blankets and three duvets.

Sometimes you wake up with a full manicure and facial in progress. Asmo likes the practice.

Sometimes you wake up wearing Lucifer's reading glasses or Mammon's sunglasses. The Anti-Lucifer League must have thought you make a good hiding spot.

Sometimes you wake up with fresh food next to you. Particularly if you fell asleep near mealtime. The strong smell of Devildom cuisine rouses you awake, and you catch Beel trying to tip-toe away.

Sometimes you find... offerings. Bottled tea, or sticker sheets, or a coin placed on your cheek. Levi started taking pictures and in thanks decided to make a shrine dedicated to his idol (you).

Sometimes they draw on your face. The first person to do so will leave a marker for anyone else who happens to feel creative. You've woken up with whiskers, a mustache, fake eyes drawn over your eyelids, money signs drawn on your eyelids, swirls and hearts, a goatee, a big unibrow, and you're pretty sure the twins are the culprits behind a game of tic-tac-toe.

Sometimes you get notes. Simple reminders, or a notice that Lucifer's left the house so please make sure to check that everyone's behaving when you wake up. Occasionally you wake up completely covered in post-its with silly messages.

Sometimes you get kisses. They leave no trace, unless their sender gets carried away and sticks around.

MomBroDad?

Demon (sneering): How about you go run to your mom, loser!

Satan: Well, I don’t have a mom. I was born from my brother!

Demon (confused): What…

Satan (smirking): Yeah, got nothing to say now, right?!

Demon (bewildered): Dude, what even are you then?

Satan (defensive): W-what do you mean? I’m a demon.

Demon: Yeah, but even demons are born from their moms. I’ve never heard of being born from a dude, let alone your brother.

Satan (uncertain): I don’t know… life is different for everyone.

Demon: I guess, but doesn’t that make him your mom, dad, and brother? He’s like your mombrodad.

It finally hits Satan how weird his creation is.

Satan (shaken): Excuse me, I have to go.

Satan barges into the House of Lamentation, looking distressed.

Satan: What are you?

Lucifer (raising an eyebrow): What?

Satan: What are you to me?!

Lucifer (concerned): Satan, is something wrong?

Satan: Just answer the question.

Lucifer (calmly): I’m your brother, why?

Satan (upset): Because if I was born from you, then you are my parent.

Asmodeus: Ohhh, this conversation is finally happening.

Leviathan (surprised): I really wasn’t expecting this today.

Asmodeus (grinning): Right? This is the drama I need right now. I’m gonna get a snack. Call me if anything juicy happens.

Lucifer: It’s complicated if you think of it that way.

Satan: How is it complicated?! I was born from you, right? So, then you are technically my mother/father.

Lucifer: If you choose to think of it that way, yes.

The rest of the brothers come to watch.

Mammon: What’s going on?

Leviathan (whispering): Satan is having a mid-life crisis.

Satan: So, if I think of it that way, then my “brothers” are technically also my uncles.

Belphegor (stunned): Holy shit, I didn’t think of that…

Beelzebub (shocked): Neither did I.

Asmodeus (giggling): Omg, I have a nephew!

Lucifer (trying to explain): No, Satan, well… if you want to think that way.

Satan (overwhelmed): What, I need to process this… Why did you make me call everyone my brothers then?

Lucifer (softly): To help you fit in more. And it’s not like I raised you from infancy to adulthood, so I wouldn’t consider myself a parent.

Mammon: If I can say something—

Lucifer (firmly): No.

Mammon: Well, I’m going to anyway. Even if you didn’t raise Satan from being a baby to now, you did technically raise him, even if it wasn’t conventional. He was in you; he was taught everything from your eyes.

Belphegor: Okay, but if he’s from Lucifer’s anger and was just dormant in him this whole time, wouldn’t he just be a different version of Lucifer, not his child?

Leviathan (nodding): Yeah, kinda like a Lucifer 2.0.

Asmodeus (concerned): Satan, you okay?

Satan: So, I’m not my own person…

Lucifer (gently): You are your own person, Satan.

Satan (teary-eyed): I’m gonna go to my room.

Leviathan (regretful): Maybe we should have just not mentioned the Lucifer part.

Asmodeus (sighing): Ya think?!

Later that day, Lucifer knocks on Satan’s door.

Lucifer (softly): Satan, can we talk?

Satan (muffled): I’m fine, just go away.

Lucifer (reassuring): We aren’t the same person, Satan. Yes, you are a part of me, but you have your own personality, looks, likes, and dislikes.

Satan (opening the door, eyes red from crying): That’s not the point. I’m still you.

Lucifer (sincerely): Even if you’re just an extension of me, you are a better me.

Satan: How?

Lucifer (smiling softly): You don’t let others control what you do. You don’t let pride control you either. And though you were built from my anger, and that makes you short-tempered, you’ve grown to show how much you can control it. So yes, you are a better me. But you are also your own person.

Satan (sniffling): Thanks, Lucifer.

Lucifer (gently): It’s no problem at all. You know who you are. Don’t let yourself think otherwise.

Satan (closing his door, softly): Goodnight.

Lucifer (trying to walk away, softly): Goodnight.

(This is made from questions I have about Satan’s existence and how confused me, and he are😭. I don’t know if anything I say is canon at all, I’m also not sure if I wrote Satan correctly. But hopefully, you enjoyed it.)

I don't play Obey Me anymore, so I'm not familiar with the layout of the house. I write all my fics before bed, so please bear with me.

Lucifer: Belphegor, did you push someone down the stairs?

Belphegor: I have no idea what you're talking about.

Lucifer: Don't play dumb. You know exactly what I'm talking about!

Belphegor: Hypothetically speaking, if I did push someone, don't you think I'd have a good reason?

Lucifer: There is no good reason to push someone down the stairs, Belphegor!

Belphegor: Oh, there are plenty of reasons, Lucifer! What if I was fighting someone and started losing? Boom, push them down the stairs and the fight is over!

Lucifer (trying to stay calm): Did you or did you not push someone?

Belphegor: You'll have to speak to my lawyer.

Lucifer: And who's your lawyer?

Belphegor: Satan. In fact, I'm calling him right now.

Lucifer: You've got to be kidding. Fine, call him. Both of you, come to my room.

In Lucifer's room

Satan: Alright, what exactly are you accusing my client of?

Lucifer: He pushed a student down a flight of stairs.

Satan: Do you have any evidence to support this claim?

Lucifer (turning his laptop around): Actually, I do. Here’s Belphie asleep on the steps, the student wakes him up, and as they’re leaving, Belphie pushes them and walks away.

Satan: Belphie, sidebar, now.

Satan (whispering aggressively): What the hell, Belphie?

Belphegor (whispering back): I didn't know there was footage!

Satan: Always check for cameras if you’re going to commit a crime!

Belphegor: I was too tired to notice.

Satan: Fine. I’ll claim you weren’t in the right mental state. You just woke up and were unaware of what you did.

Belphegor: You think that will work?

Satan: It better.

Lucifer: Are you two done?

Satan (walking back): Yes. I'd like to argue that wasn't Belphie in a sane mental state—

Lucifer: Excuse me?

Satan: Let me finish. Yes, that's him physically, but mentally, it wasn’t. Belphegor wouldn’t commit a crime intentionally.

Lucifer: He killed MC…

Satan: He’s a changed man.

Belphegor: Didn’t you try killing them multiple times?

Satan: This isn’t about killing! This is about a push. And Belphie pleads insanity.

Lucifer: Since he's so 'insane,' he can start by bettering himself with some chores. He can clean the bathroom.

Belphegor: What?!

Lucifer: Then the kitchen, the living room, actually the whole house until I deem him fit to be around others.

Belphegor: What kind of lawyer are you?!

Satan: You know what? I'm a free lawyer. I don’t need this disrespect. I’m out!

Belphegor (leaving too): What an asshole. Both of them.

As Satan and Belphegor head to their destinations

Satan (on the steps): Belphie, what the—?!

Belphegor (pushing Satan down the stairs): You're a terrible lawyer!

Satan (lying at the bottom of the steps): Belphie, what the fuck!

Belphegor: You deserved it.

Satan (laughing, pointing behind Belphegor): Oh, you're in big trouble now.

Lucifer: Belphie…

Belphegor: How do you always spawn behind me?!

Lucifer (dragging Belphie to the bathroom): You're going to clean until I can see my reflection in every tile!

Belphegor: Get off me, you old bitch! Your ugly ass doesn’t need to be seen in every tile!

(Firmly believe that Belphie is a menace and constantly getting punished. Satan is equally bad, if not worse, but much sneakier.)

He never told him