Leftists, I Want Yall To Destroy The Idea Of Laziness Yesterday

Leftists, I want y’all to destroy the idea of “laziness” yesterday

Motivation, patience, and energy are limited resources, especially for people with executive dysfunction, mental disabilities, and physical disabilities.

Next time you want to assume you or someone else is being “lazy”, consider the actual reasons behind why there is not enough in them to do the thing.

Left to their own devices, free people are naturally driven to improve their lives and the lives of others,

Right wing arguments’ foundations depends on the assumption that humans are naturally selfish, evil, and “lazy”, and must be controlled by higher powers and punished when they don’t contribute enough (with the insistence that certain groups of people are more deserving of being controlled and punished than others)

Next time you notice you or someone else is struggling to accomplish something, don’t assume “laziness”, instead ask yourself: am I tired? Depleted of patience? In a bad mood? If I keep pushing myself through this, will it really be worth the distress?

Maybe what you need is rest, someone to talk to, mental health support, or to just be safe, with all your needs being met. Maybe we should eliminate “laziness” as an easy explanation and instead consider our needs first.

One maladaptive coping mechanism that turns very toxic when you’re not defending against abuse is to read any uncomfortable situation as a deliberate personal attack, and sometimes extrapolate one incident into a whole pattern of malicious intent.

Examples:

“Hey, I have a headache, could you please lower your voice a little?” - “FINE I guess I just won’t say anything at all!”

“Hey thanks for inviting me, but I’m not feeling well, so I’m sorry but I can’t make it. Maybe (x day) instead?” - “Sorry for asking! I guess I’m just too needy for you!”

(Someone forgets to call you back.) - “Yeah I don’t think we’re friends anymore, she acts like she hates me.”

“Hey, what you just said about me was literally not true. Why did you say that?” - “Right, I’m just a piece of shit who should never talk at all I guess!”

“I don’t really feel like sex tonight.” - “Sorry I’m so repulsive to you!”

“You really hurt my feelings. Why did you do that?” - ”Go ahead and just break up with me, I know you’ve been wanting to.”

This kind of response escalates an interaction from a two-way conversation about a specific problem into a fight about your own self-worth. Instead of reponding to what’s actually happening or interrogating whether an attack was intended, this response immediately changes the conversation into a defensive argument where the only relevant question is if you’re an okay person that people care about.

Like I get feeling this kind of reaction, I get having a knee-jerk response of fear and shame and self-loathing. Sometimes when you’re feeling vulnerable it is very, very difficult not to read super far into anything negative. Sometimes it just reflects off all your internal fears and amplifies inside of you until a polite “no” feels like everyone you’ve ever liked is telling you they hate you.

But it is possible, with some work, to separate your feelings from your actual knowledge of the situation. It’s possible to feel one thing in your heart and still recognize with your mind that the reality is different. You can learn to notice the difference between someone actually attacking you and something just feeling like an attack because you’re extra vulnerable.

You can also learn not to react based solely on your feelings. You can learn to take another person’s actual words and actions into account and respond based on what you think - not just feel - their intent actually was. That work is as necessary as it is difficult.  

People need to be able to tell you things that aren’t overwhelmingly positive without you making them feel guilty for saying anything and treating their concerns as an attack.

Otherwise, you wind up in a position where they can’t be honest with you. They can’t say no to you, can’t tell you when something you do hurts or scares them, can’t point out worrying things as friends do to take care of each other, can’t bring up their own needs without the conversation devolving into comforting you again.

This habit interacts especially badly with the way many other trauma survivors are terrified of upsetting anyone – when your reaction to them bringing up problems or saying no is consistently disproportionate, they may find it easier to just do what you want even against their own will.

It is possible to deal with those awful feelings and get the comfort you need without resorting to lashing out when you feel bad. It’s okay to be honest about the fact your emotions don’t always line up with reality so people know what you’re going through. It’s okay to just ask for the emotional support you need or for confirmation that they mean what they say.

You may even find that when you make a continuous effort not to treat these uncomfortable experiences as crises, they deescalate and you wind up feeling more secure each time.

Look, this coping mechanism, like many forms of manipulation, is a useful survival tool in the context of an abusive relationship where you really are being attacked insidiously, and where you can’t just ask for comfort and expect to get it. But if you are no longer in that kind of situation, it’s time to reevaluate the usefulness/danger ratio and figure out what other strategies might be better for you and the people you love.

Passive aggressive maybe, but like...healing and getting better isn't easy. When I see people make posts about "LOL google says I should make a schedule to help manage my ADHD but I can't make a schedule bc I have ADHD" it's like. People saying that stuff know it's hard. That's part of why you gotta do it.

Sometimes healing is easier. Sometimes it's something really small that becomes routine. But sometimes it's hard! Sometimes you gotta push yourself to do something and it sucks! But I don't know what to tell you, other than that you don't need to be good at it right away.

Using the calendar example, I have ADHD + semi-frequent memory loss, so it can feel really difficult to try and make a calendar when both of those things can directly get in the way. So I started with making sure recurring events were in it, like therapy and med reminders. Now I'm usually able to remember to put in appointments or other one-time events in as soon as I know about them. It takes a lot of work.

I don't know. I just think sometimes people on this site are sitting in mud and complaining about being dirty. You really do need to try.

maladaptive daydreaming…. isn’t just making up cute scenarios on long car rides… it’s stopping to do whatever you are doing because your brain just had an idea and then walking around the house, throwing a pen around, thinking until your mom gets annoyed with you

and, boy, does my mom get so annoyed because i just can’t stop pacing. sometimes i have to actually run back and forth because my it just stimulates my thoughts. how many times has she just shouted at me to stop. i calm down for a moment, then i’m up and running around five minutes later… again.  moving vehicles give me peace because the car or train or whatever is doing the movement for me. and i really need to move

i just go into this whole another world and i can’t really stop it. i can’t really spend a moment without thinking what this and that character would do in this and that situation. i can’t process my feelings without projecting them to some made-up person. sometimes i have to mimic the gestures of the character i’m thinking about. sometimes it happens in the middle of the street. sometimes people might stare.

and i can’t stop running around or carrying small things, like pencils. 

and it’s not awesome at all. it annoys the heck out of people around me (expect maybe my brother). i always have to explain to my friends why i suddenly jump up from my chair and run across the room. i do it without realizing it. and it is really hard to explain. and falling asleep is also tough since every ten minutes and seem to sprint out of my bed because my brain gets excited about a made-up scenario.

thinks of all time i waste just… fucking daydreaming.

if you call yourself a maladaptive daydreamer for thinking about fictional characters much… well, knock yourself out, but think for a moment how bad it can be for others. and this thing is not taken seriously at all. my mom definitely doesn’t. 

anyone who’s experiencing this, writing might help. too bad i have too many thoughts and can’t write them all down. and new scenarios surface every day.

i already said this but here we go again

do not refer ‘maladaptive daydreaming’ as in you’re just daydreaming about something detailed and long.

maladaptive daydreaming is a term that means when your daydreams take over a significant part of your life, making it hard to adapt fully in real life. it’s not when you daydream about something so detailed and long.

so i hope when y'all say “i maladaptive daydream everyday”, y'all are talking about your daydreams being a thing that make it hard for you to adapt fully in real life, not about what you daydream and how you daydream.

there is no different between normal daydreaming’s way of daydreaming and madd’s way of daydreaming, they’re the same, except one is normal and one is maladaptive.

please dont say ‘my maladaptive daydreams’ only if you’re about to talk about what you’re daydreaming, like daydreaming about holding hands with somebody and going on dates, because that’s not what it means. it’s just gonna give people the wrong idea. just say like your daydreams or something, unless if you’re gonna talk about how it becomes a huge part of your life, etc then go ahead.

Maladaptive Daydreaming

What is maladaptive daydreaming (Madd) ?

Maladaptive daydreaming (madd) is a mental disorder/condition that describes excessive daydreaming, most times hours at a time, that interferes with one’s life. The key factor here is not what you daydream about. It’s for how long you daydream and how much it prevents you from living reality.

How do I identify Maladaptive Daydreaming?

Spending more than half your day with your mind wandering to the point that it disrupts your life is the biggest indicator that your excessive daydreaming has become maladaptive.

Maladaptive daydreamers:

do facial expressions, move around, talk, sing or dance while daydreaming

have multiple universes, characters and stories 

use music, books, movies or day to day situations to help them daydream about specific situations

feel safe inside their daydreams

daydream hours at a time, sometimes even an entire day

daydream while supposed to be asleep at night

find it hard to stop daydreaming

find it hard to focus on a movie, song or book because they automatically feel the need to daydream

What Maladaptive Daydreaming is NOT

Do not confuse Maladaptive Daydreaming with having halucinations, psychosis, or other similar mental disorders or just normal daydreaming. Maladaptive daydreams are aware of the fact that they’re daydreaming and are able to distinguish daydreaming from reality.