This Isn't "goodbye", This Is Simply "see You Later" - Series Part 1 : Goodbye My Lover

This isn't "goodbye", this is simply "see you later" - Series Part 1 : Goodbye my lover

Summary: It was suppose to be a normal Thursday. But this Thursday brings you the worst news you can imagine. Your boyfriend John has volunteered for the army and is going to war. The love of your life will leave you and you can't bear to let him go.

Pairing: John Shelby x Y/N 

Words: 4240

Warnings: Angst, mention of death, swearing, Mention of sex (not explicitly described) 

A/N: Timeskipes are marked with ---

English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own. 

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                            Part 1 : Goodbye my lover

The rain pounds on the ground and leaves Watery Lane as one large mud puddle, the dirt splatters over your boots and stains your dress up to your knees. But you don't care, you're completely soaked anyway. Of course you forgot your umbrella at home. You quickly run down the streets to Polly's house and open the back door. As you step into the kitchen, you are immediately enveloped in a pleasant warmth, which comes from the fire in the fireplace. You put the basket full of purchases on the table and try not to dirty the whole kitchen floor. ,,Hello? Someone there? "You call into the quiet house." Aunt Polly? " "I'm here dear." Polly comes from the betting shop, which is full despite the rain. "Did you get everything?" You sigh “Of course not. There are no more potatoes, only beets. " "There will be better times again." Polly goes to the cabinet and takes out the old coffee can in which she hides her money and takes out a pound note to give it to you for your purchases. "It's okay." You say and start to put away the food. "Y / N" starts Polly, but you don't let her finish. "I don't want your money." "And I don't want your handouts." Polly sounds a little annoyed. "It's my father's money as well." Your father would probably kill you if he knew that you don't spend his money on new clothes as you claim, but to buy food for the Shelbys. You know that Polly is too proud is to ask for money, but you also know that times are bad and that the war is making it difficult to support five children. "Besides, you're feeding me anyway." You add, and Polly finally clears the money away with a sigh. "Thank you Y / N." "Not for that, you're family." The Shelbys aren't really your family, at least not yet. “I change quickly and then I cook. Are everyone at home? "  "No, only Ada, Finn and I are there. Unfortunately I don’t know, where the noble gentlemen hang around.  “All right. So cold food for the Shelby brothers. " Polly laughs lightly as you slip off your dirty shoes and then run up the stairs to put some dry clothes on. "Y / N!" Ada comes towards you halfway up the stairs and immediately grabs your hand. "You're freezing."

“It's cold outside." "Not that you get sick." She paddles and then pulls you into her room. You quickly slip out of your wet dress and put on one of Ada's dresses. Your best friend is sitting on her bed and has that special look on it, which she always has when she messes up. "What happened?" You ask as you slip into dry socks. “Freddy was here. He knew Tommy was away. " “And?” You ask, you can't suppress your grin. Ada has always been in love with Freddy. "He kissed me," she whispers and then begins to giggle. "Oh Ada." You call happily and take her in your arms. "He said he really liked me." “And what did you say?" "That I like him too." “And now?" ,,I don’t know. Tommy will be angry. " "Don't worry about Tommy for once and enjoy your first great love Ada. You will miss the feeling once you are my age." You say and brush one of the brown strands of hair from her face. You are mostly annoyed by Tommy's alpha male behavior anyway. “You´re not even two years older than me.” “But almost.” you say and wink at her. “Ada, Y / N. I'm hungry. "Finn suddenly shouts through the house. You and Ada roll your eyes. "Who raised this child?" "Nobody." Ada laughs and jumps up from her bed. She leaves the room, grabs Finn, who is standing in the hallway, and takes him in her arms. "Will you help us cook?" "Arthur says that's women stuff." "Arthur has no idea about women's stuff, you shouldn't listen to him." You say and ruffles his hair. "Okay, then I'll help you." It's so easy to convince children of something. If only it were the same with adults. Then you don't have to lie to your parents and tell them you're in nursing school when you actually go to the Shelby's every Thursday. Ada lets her little brother get on his feet again and he runs into the kitchen. Finn isn't really a help in the kitchen, but he enjoys helping Ada and you and so you pretend you have important tasks for the little one. You are about to peel the beets when the kitchen door opens and Tommy, Arthur and John come in cursing. "Shit weather. Fucking rain, that's unbearable" Says Arthur and hangs his wet coat on the rack. “Don´t curse before Finn.” you said and hit him with a kitchen rag. "Is the meal fucking ready yet?" Asks Tommy with a curious look at the pots you are cooking in front of you. "Not yet." Ada replies, and hits her brother on the back of the head with the wooden spoon. "And it doesn't go any faster if you're in the way." "Wow Ada, you are in a fucking good mood today." Laughs John, then his gaze meets you and his smile becomes even wider. "Hello princess." He comes up to you and wraps his arms around you to kiss you on the cheek. "Hello Love." You say and nestle into his arms. John Shelby is the love of your life, and you couldn't be more grateful that you found him at the age of only 14. Despite all the difficulties your families have made you, the last years have been the best of your life. "God, I'm getting sick with all this cuddling and kissing." Arthur says. "Please do that in John's room." “Please do not! The walls are extremely thin and I have the room next door." says Tommy. John gives his brothers an angry look. Even though you spend at least one night at the Shelby house every week, there hasn't been anything Tommy could have heard. “Boys. Be quiet. Y / N comes from a decent family, you still know what is proper. And how often should I tell you that no one curses in front of Finn?” Polly calls out when entering the kitchen. "Now put on dry clothes, otherwise you will get sick. Then you wash your hands and help Finn with the table-setting. And don't you think you don´t have to tell where you've been all morning. " You and Ada start laughing when the three brothers make faces to match the weather outside. It doesn't take long, and the food is on the table. Of course, Tommy, Arthur and John skilfully avoided setting the table by simply spending the rest of the time in their rooms changing. Polly's little kitchen is filled with the smell of food, warmth, and the feeling of family. During the meal, John's hand lies on your knee the whole time, you can't deny the butterflies that are dancing in your stomach. Polly waits for everyone to finish. "Finn please go upstairs." The little boy looks at his aunt annoyed, but then does what she says. John tenses next to you, Arthur avoids all looks, only Tommy remains calm on the outside, the only sign of his tension is that he is pulling harder than usual on his cigarette. All three of them know that they can't evade Polly anymore, and by the way they act you know that they screwed up a lot. You and Ada exchange a curious look. "Where have you been?" Asks Polly, her tone revealing that she will neither accept discussions nor lies. The three Shelbys stay silent, they are silent until Tommy has put his cigarette out in the ashtray. "We enlisted ourselves." It will take you a second to understand the meaning of his words, then it hits you like a slap in the face. You turn to John. "You did fucking what?" "I'm going to France." He replies without looking at you. "No." you shake your head. "No way!" you jump up, his hand slipping off your knee and leaving a cold chill on your skin. ,,Absolutely no way" "I don't think that's your decision Y / N." Tommy interferes. "Shut up." You hiss at him. John slowly gets up from his seat, his gaze searches for yours and he raises his hands reassuringly. "Y / N please listen to me." ”No! I don't want to listen to you, and you won't go to war either. " "None of you will go to war," says Ada, there are tears in her eyes and she is clutching Arthur's hand as if she could hold on to him. "We have to go there sooner or later anyway." Tommy tries again in a calm voice. "Better later, then." Says Ada. “Ada, Y / N. Calm down. "Says Polly, but her voice also trembles with suppressed anger. “Calm down? The fuck no! This is crazy, this war is crazy, and you will die over there." Now the tears are running down your cheeks. You shake your head, give John another disappointed look and then run out of the kitchen. As you run, you slip into yours Boots and run out into the street, of course it's still raining. "Y / N!" You hear John calling but you just keep running. Actually, you wanted to slam the door behind you, but John was faster, catches it and follows you. He caught up with you in a few steps. "Wait." He takes your hand and pulls you towards him. You try to pull yourself away, but he's stronger than you. Not once did John say that he wanted to go to war. He didn't even mention this goddamn war. “Let me." “No. Please listen to me." “No, I don't want to listen to you. Why should I? You're doing what you want anyway! You go to war, leave me here, and then you die. Don't even think for a second that I'll sit here and wait for you while you do the stupidest thing you've ever done." John looks like you punched him in the face or kicked him in the balls. Or both at the same time. "You won't wait for me?" His voice trembles. John's voice never trembles. You look into his blue eyes and see only pain, pain and tears. You have never seen John cry and this second it breaks your heart. You don't want to be the reason he's crying, ever. You feel as if there is no more air in your lungs and your words burn like poison on your tongue. More and more tears run down your cheeks as you shake your head and nestle against his chest. "Of course I'm waiting for you." You sob. "Please don't leave me." John hugs you like he's never going to let go of you. “I won’t leave you. Never." You completely forget the rain and the cold. The only thing that matters right now is John. You take a deep breath of his scent, trying to memorize how his arms feel around your body. “Then don't go to war. Don't go to France. " “I must. If we don't go willingly, they will soon force us. You know that. At least now it´s our decision. Please understand that." You hate yourself for it, but of course you can understand him. "When?" You ask, tears are still running down your cheeks, John looks at you and carefully wipes them away. “In a week." he whispers and blows a kiss on your lips. Your heart contracts and you dig into his shirt. In a week, you only have one week with the love of your life.

---

“You're too late." “I'm sorry. I had to do something. " "For Tommy?" You roll your eyes. "You go to war tomorrow and still he uses you as his errand boy." “I'm not Tommy's fucking errand boy. I just had something to do. Please don't argue with me. Not on our last day. " You sigh, tears come to your eyes again, the idea of ​​being separated from him tomorrow will tear your heart apart. "Hey, princess, don´t cry. I'll be back before you can really miss me. "He strokes your cheek and presses you a light kiss on the lips. ,,Come on now! I have a surprise." “A surprise? You?" "Yes, I've thought we´re doing something romantic today." You can't help but laugh. "You?" John gives you an angry look and lets go of your hand, he turns his head to the side, but you can see his cheeks turning red. "Then not and stop fucking laughing. " Immediately you stop and grab his hand to pull him towards you. He allows it, but his posture is still tense. “I'm sorry. But Jonny Boy, your idea of ​​romance is drinking a bottle of Whisky on Aunt Polly's roof. " "Star gazing is romantic." "So do we look at the stars?" You ask and press him a kiss on the cheek, finally he smiles again. “No, not today. Come on now, wifey. " Your heart skips, sometimes he calls you that and every time you can't help but smile at the thought of being Mrs. Shelby one day. John takes your hand and starts walking. He pulls you to a car and opens the passenger door for you. "Where did you get that car from?" You ask in surprise as you climb into the car. You have never driven in a car and somehow you are also sure that John has never driven too. "Borrowed from a friend." “You don´t have any friends. Did you steal it? " "Would that turn you on?" He grins cockily at you. "A little bit maybe." "Be quiet or I'll take you here and now in this fucking car." You feel the blood rush to your cheeks and you lower your eyes. John starts laughing and starts the car, to his surprise he really seems to know how to drive. You drive for a while, away from the dusty roads and smoky air of Small Heath until the area becomes rural and through a small forest. You breathe in the fresh air deeply, the sun shines through the leaves and warms your face. John parks the car in a small clearing and climbs out of the car. You want to open your door, but John hits the hood once. You flinch and look at him in shock. "Stay seated." He says, comes around the car and opens the door for you. You roll your eyes, but then take his hand and let him help you out of the car. "Since when are you such a gentleman? If the other Peaky Blindes would know. " "Just for you." He says and kisses you, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer to you. John breaks away from you and smiles at you, then he takes your hand and pulls you across the clearing to a large picnic blanket and a mountain of pillows, with a picnic basket next to it. You stop and notice how tears well up in your eyes. "Did you prepare that?" “Yes. I wanted to do something special. " "John .." you start and notice how a tear is running down your cheek, John sighs and carefully wipes it away with his thumb. "No more tears today, princess." "I'll try." ,,Let's eat. I'm hungry and Polly has made sandwiches. " You sit down on the soft blanket and John gets the sandwiches, a bottle of wine, a bottle of rum and a pack of cigarettes from the picnic basket. "You want to drink all of that?" You ask, slightly amused, as you take the bottles. "Maybe I need it." He whispers, so softly that you are sure you shouldn't have heard it. So you don't say anything and just smile. You enjoy the sandwiches and drink a little of the wine. After dinner you snuggle up to John and let the sunshine on your face. He puts his arm around you and pulls you to his chest, carefully drawing small circles on your upper arm. You take a deep breath of its familiar smell and wish that time would stand still. You wish that tomorrow never comes and that you two could lie here on this blanket forever. You wish there wouldn't be a war, there wouldn't be strict parents, and somehow also that there would be no Peaky Blinders. You just wish there wasn't anything that John could take away from you. "Y / N?" His voice breaks the silence. You lift your head and look into his beautiful face. John sits up a little and takes a deep breath. "I love you." “And I love you." “I know. And I know you don't want me to go to war. " "I understand that you have to go." John smiles slightly and strokes his light hair. “Yes, you understand. You understand me, always, and I couldn't be happier to have you. I know the next few weeks will be difficult. For you, for me and for our relationship. I'll be far away and I don't know how often I can write to you. "John takes another deep breath." And there's a small chance I won't come home. " Suddenly you get a bad feeling in your stomach. Is he breaking up with you right now? ,,I will wait for you. I'll wait for you my whole life if I have to. "Your hand shakes as you reach for his. “Can you please let me finish? Only once! "He says with a slight laugh. "Sorry." You say and look at your hands. John puts a finger under your chin and forces you to look at him. "I don't want you sitting around at home all the time, feeling sad and waiting for me to come home." He actually wants to break up with you. "I want you to be happy." "No!" You interrupt him. "No, you won't do that. It won't happen, ever." John looks at you in shock, his eyes suddenly full of sadness. "You're not breaking up with me now." You claw his hand as if you could stop him, as if he weren't stronger than you, as if he couldn't just tear himself away from you. "You think I want to break up with you?" Suddenly a smile plays around his lips and his eyes are full of joy again. That confuses you even more. “Yes, but that won't happen! You can't break up with me, I won't accept that. You said you love me, and I love you! We're not breaking up. You go to this fucking war and then you come home to me. And I'll wait here, write you letters and miss you until you get home. I'll wait until you come home. "Your voice almost cracks as you keep talking. “God Princess. I don't want to break up with you, I'm trying to ask you here if you want to marry me! " You look at him in shock for a brief moment. “Oh."

"Oh?" Asks John, a little uncertain. “Yes. Yes of course I want to marry you. You idiot! I thought you'd break up with me! That was a shitty marriage proposal! When you propose, the other person doesn't think you want to break up. " "If you don't let me finish again then I won't propose to you." John laughs and presses his lips to yours. "Are you quiet now so I can ask you the right way?" "But I already said yes." “Wifey! Shut up and for God's sake let me finish. "He says in a mock angry voice. You bend up again and kiss him. "Okay." You whisper to his lips. Then you sit up a little longer and look at him waiting, but you cannot banish the smile from your lips. John reaches into his pocket and pulls out an engagement ring. “Y / N. Would you do me the honor and become my wife? " You look at him in silence for a brief moment, exactly until his gaze becomes uncertain again. “Yes." John is breathing heavily. "You're going to bring me to the grave." You laugh and pull him back to you to kiss him. "I love you and don't say anything like that." "I love you too, princess." John takes your hand in his and carefully puts the ring on your finger, it fits perfectly. Tears well up in your eyes, but this time it's joy tears. You will become his wife. John kisses you again. "You promised not to cry anymore today," he whispers to your lips. "I said I would try." You answer and wrap your arms around his neck, you never want to let go of him again. The kiss becomes more intense, you bury your hand in his hair and pull him even closer to you. "I love you." You whisper between two kisses. "Not as much as I love you." He replies, his lips wandering over your cheeks to your neck. You let yourself sink back on the soft pillows below you, and John follows you. His warm body over yours, he leans on his upper arm so you don't feel his weight. John's lips find yours again and his hand moves over your body to your hip. You press yourself against him, your hands move to his neck and when John bites your lower lip lightly, you scratch your fingernails lightly over his skin. John moans softly.  You wrap your legs around the middle of his body, his hand wanders from your hip to your thigh, while he pushes your dress up slightly so that his warm hand runs over the skin of your leg. Your hands wander from the back of his neck over his muscular shoulders. John's lips wander back to your neck, first he spreads feather-light kisses on your skin, when he suddenly bites you moan softly. A pleasant warmth flows through you and you want to feel John even closer to you, you want to feel his skin on your, his hands on your body. John's hand moves slowly up your thigh. You have been at this point over and over again over the past few years, usually your body is tense now and you flinch away from its touch. You know he's waiting for it, he's waiting to pull back and hug you and whisper in your ear that it's okay and that he loves you and that he can wait until you're ready. But today you don't want to flinch. You are so flooded with happiness and love that it feels right, you feel ready. So you don´t flinch when his hand reaches the center of your body. “Is it okay if I touch you here?” His voice sounds darker than usual and leaves you with a pleasant shiver. You nod. “Words Princess.” “Yes, it´s okay. John I want you.” He comes off your lips to look you in the eyes..

“Are you sure? We don't have to do that. We can wait till I get back, we can wait until our wedding night. Or longer. I don´t care." “But I do care, I am sure, please John, I don´t want to wait any longer. Please. Make me your wife.”   He groans softly at your words, then he kisses you again full of love, passion and affection. John is careful, he takes his time to explore your body. You exchange whispered vows of love and promises about the future, about a future together. He doesn´t just take your virginity, he makes love to you. And when you lie sweaty and out of breath next to each other, you have the feeling as if your heart is jumping out of your chest for sheer happiness. John pulls you into his arms. “I love you, my wife.”

---

The platform is full, people crowd everywhere to say goodbye to the soldiers. You stand between the people, nestled close to John. “I'll come back to you. I promise you. " he whispers. “I'll wait." You kiss again, his lips taste salty from all the tears that run down your cheeks. Then you break away from each other. You look at him and try to memorize every little detail about him. You want the sight of him to burn in your brain and in your heart. John hugging his aunt and sister, and you are saying goodbye to Arthur and Tommy. Arthur kneels in front of Finn on the dusty platform and takes him in his arms. “You are the man in the house now. Take good care of our women and our business. Got it?" "Got it." Finn tries to sound brave, but he's crying too. Even if he doesn't really understand why his brothers have to go. The brothers get on the train, which leaves a few minutes later. Ada clings to your arm and cries, Polly pulls you both into a tight hug. “The three of them will be back soon. Don't worry, they'll all be back soon. "It sounds more like a prayer, and god you want to believe her.

----

Part 2 

You can never kill me.

“Stop swearing in front of the kids.”

a soulmate is a person that won’t complain about any of my music when i put my ipod on shuffle

There was an idea… to bring together a group of remarkable people. To make them work together when we needed them to, to fight the battles that we never could.

The one that got away