Ada Shelby - Tumblr Posts

February 12th

Each of the Shelby Sibling’s grieve different, a year after, you, their sisters death. 

Warnings:death, swearing, grief.

All Gifs belong to their rightful owners

One shot 2300 words. 

It had been 365 days around the sun without you and that dreaded February 12th came with the cold breeze of spring, a time when it was difficult to celebrate new life when you would never walk the earth again.

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The Night We Met

Written for @runnning-outof-time lovely challenge, based on The Night We Met by Lord Huron.

This is a part 2 to my fic February 12th which can be found here. It can also be read independently.

After his younger sister dies at the hands of Billy Kimber, Tommy wishes he could go back to the night they met.

‘’She was beautiful, your sister- she’ll be sorely missed’’ a local woman approached Tommy, her hand falling to his back in condolence. The local people were afraid of the blinders, but they would come out for you. After all you might have been the sister of heathens but that did not mean you weren’t kind. You’d babysit the local kids, you’d take round bread- and you’d show up at church even though you didn’t believe. Appearances were everything, Aunt Pol had taught you that.

Tommy was exhausted-and he carried the emotions of those around him heavy on his chest. Your death was his fault, even secondhandedly, even though Kimber had fired the bullet- it was his debt. They blamed him. He could tell from the way that Polly slammed his plate down a little harder in front of him. The way that John wouldn’t take direction anymore. He could see it in Ada’s eyes as she sat tearfully trying to nurse Karl. The collapse in Arthur’s knees as he drank one too many. Just like the war, they’d never come back from this the same.

It was Tommy who now, with your funeral smoke still latched onto his shirt found himself sat in your bedroom. It felt like you’d only been there a minute ago, in a way you had. ‘’I remember the first night I met you’’ he whispered, his finger trailing across the dust of the shelf to find a photo of you. A family photo, you rested in his arms- your favourite place to sleep.

He did remember that night clearly. The walk home from the stables on a crisp cold December night. Frost on his boots that glistened against the stones of Watery Lane. Back then he was a simple 19 year old stable-hand, his only ambition to own his own yard. ‘’She had a girl’’ Polly had whispered, her hand caressing eighteen month old Michael’s hair as he slept on her lap on the sofa. Ah yes, his mother was due today. Babies seemed to be born in abundance as of late in Watery Lane.

‘’Do we have a name?’’ Tommy had responded, shaking the snow off his hat as he embraced the warmth. ‘’Not yet, your mums been too tired to decide, and your dad hasn’t been home’’ Polly sighed, moving to make Micheal more comfortable. ‘’The baby is in your room- to let your mum rest’’

You laid silent in your cot. Hours old and already accustomed to the loud noises of living within the den. Michael’s chubby hands had already examined you, and your older sister had already pushed her dolls brush through your slight curls. John, at seventeen had given you a disinterested glance and Arthur had wriggled you over his shoulder. The only one left to meet you was Tommy.

‘’Hello, you’’ he had whispered, leaning over to get a glimpse at you. Your brown eyes peering back at his blue inquisitively. You were trying to make out this face you had not seen before. ‘’Sorry, I’m the last one to meet you’’ Tommy had lifted you, placing you into his arms as you let out a small cry. He was cold. ‘’Oh, I’m sorry’’ Tommy had whispered, placing his finger in your mouth as you suckled softly. There was nineteen years between you, and Tommy had become an older brother before but this time was different- this time he felt responsible.

‘’She’s a beauty’’ Arthur Snr had leaned against the door frame. His eyes glassed from the beer and his loudness causing you to lean into your brothers arms. ‘’She’s quiet’’ Tommy spoke softly, looking down at you. ‘’Wait til she gets older son, then like most of the women in this family- she’ll never shut up’’.

Who would you become? Tommy wondered. Where would you fit in the world that couldn’t secure its safety for even someone as small as you?. It was no secret that your father had other women he pursued, it was also no secret that your mothers schizophrenia was worsening by the weeks. Tommy knew that if the world were to crumble around you, someone had to protect you- and that someone would be him.

‘’I can move her, if she’s bothering you-‘’ Polly had asked, coming to the door to find Tommy sat by your crib, a book in hand. ‘’I was just reading to her, Pol’’ Tommy whispered, you weren’t asleep but you were enjoying the soft tones of his voice.  ‘’Don’t you think Alice in Wonderland is a bit much for a 12 hour old? Or is it more for you than her’’ Polly asked, amused as he lifted the book. ‘’Reading to her distracts me, helps me forget…about Greta’’ Tommy sighed, taking a cigarette out his pocket and lighting it. He needed your comfort as much as you did his. It was the first time his mind had been given a moments rest in weeks, he’d never forget the night you met.

And then I can tell myself

What the hell I'm supposed to do

And then I can tell myself

Not to ride along with you

‘’He won’t answer to me, to fucking curly, anyone Tom’’ Charlie had exasperated as the black horse screeched in the stable- handing the reign to Tommy who rested his hand down its side. ‘’You’re missing her, aren’t you boy?’’ Tommy kissed the horses side. ‘’I get you- I want to kick this whole fucking stable down too, but that’s not gonna bring her back’’

‘’You didn’t have to react like that’’ you had sighed, hand caressing your horse as you heard the footsteps enter the stable. You knew they were Tommy’s. You’d been caught kissing Harrison Lee down the canal and John had found out through Finn. The gossip had spread like wildfire and before you knew it you’d been summoned to the office. Accusations running wild about your purity and John had already headed down to the camp to threaten Harrison. It was a ridiculous response to a childish game of kiss chase. After all, you were fifteen- nothing had been on your mind except a swig of cherry wine and a kiss against an oak tree. It was a lot less than they had been doing at your age.

‘’I know’’ Tommy had responded, watching as your mouth closed- it was ready to protest, you were always ready to protest lately. ‘’Good, I’m glad you realise you behaved irrationally’’ You sighed, not taking the eyes off of your horse. Tommy knew that it had been an inflammatory response, but it had only been three weeks since he’d found out Ada was pregnant. He couldn’t bear to think of you ending up in the same situation.

‘’Is it wrong to want you to be my bonnet wearing little sister for a little bit longer, eh?’’ Tommy sighed, sitting against a hay bale, and lighting a cigarette. ‘’I hated that bonnet’’ You groaned, as he raised his eyebrows at you. ‘’I thought it looked cute’’ Tommy smiled, watching as your face wrinkled in response. ‘’Go easy on us too, we leave for war and you and Ada, you’re these little angels plaiting each others hair, playing with dolls- we come back and she’s pregnant and you’re out snogging lads on the lane’’ Tommy spoke softly, your heart softening slightly. He had missed so much, you both had. ‘’It wasn’t a snog Tom, more of a passionate peck’’ you teased, watching as his face grimaced as he dropped his cigarette and stamped on it. ‘’Alright, don’t make me bring up lunch’’ he groaned, as you grinned before turning serious. ‘’Tom, do you think Ada is alright?’’ you asked, as he closed his eyes for a moment. ‘’I’ll get Ada back’’

‘’I was going to go for a ride’’ you grabbed the reigns of your horse. ‘’Mind if I ride along with you?’’ Tommy asked. It would be the last time you rode together. He would never get used to not riding alongside you. God, he wanted to go back to the night you first met.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do

Haunted by the ghost of you

Oh, take me back to the night we met

‘’I think we should do something to celebrate’’ Polly spoke softly, looking over at Finn who was eagerly looking for their approval. ‘’Finn wants to bake a cake’’ . ‘’Finn, you have to fucking stop this now- she’s dead, Finn’’ John shouted, shoving his newspaper onto the table.

‘’John you’re hurting- we all are’’ Polly interjected, as Tommy dropped his fork. ‘’No, you’re right- we should do something to celebrate, she originally wanted a party at the Garrison to celebrate turning sixteen- so that’s what we’ll do-‘’ Tommy sighed, as Finn grinned in agreement.

‘’This feels wrong’’ Ada spoke tearfully watching as your friends all gathered in the Garrison. They had grown up so much in the last year- one day they’d grow up for good, get married, have children- all the things that you wouldn’t. ‘’I just want my annoying sister here’’ Ada tearfully spat, as Tommy reached for her hand.

It was good to laugh. They hadn’t for a while. It was good to hear music, your favourites playing on the gramophone. The same music they’d tell you to turn down, now louder than ever. Tommy’s eyes focused on his whiskey glass, spinning the ice around in thought. As he looked up, he was sure he caught glimpse of your red dress entering the bathroom.

‘’Button’’ Tommy had shouted- your nickname falling effortlessly from his lips. Entering the bathroom in instinct. His own belief desperate that somehow you’d be standing there. ‘’It’s just me, Mr Shelby’’ Anna, your school friend looked up from the basin confused. It wasn’t the first time Tommy had been haunted by your ghost.

He didn’t believe in spirits and spells, but he had seen you. He was sure of it. He had heard your footsteps in the next room as he tried to sleep. Seen your face in the reflection of his office doors. Watched as Karl followed nothing around the den but giggled in response.

‘’Sixteen eh?’’ Tommy knelt at your grave, the red roses that he placed in the pot that was shiny and gold. His hands reaching to behind the pot where a book lay drying in the sun from the rain. Alice in Wonderland, and as Tommy sat down by your grave as he did your crib, he found himself gently reading from beginning again. How he wished it was the night you met.

When the night was full of terrors

And your eyes were filled with tears

When you had not touched me yet

Oh, take me back to the night we met

‘’I forbid you from going-‘’ You had crossed your arms in defiance as you stood on the platform. Eleven years old, and you’d already said goodbye to Arthur and John. It was Tommy’s turn today. ‘’You need to help Pol and Ada take care of Finn’’ Tommy had sighed, throwing his cigarette to the ground and kneeling to your level. ‘’If you don’t come back-‘’ you had muttered, holding Finn’s hand tight. ‘’Who said anything about not coming back?’’ Tommy nodded, and lifted your chin.

‘’You listen here, eh, we are a family, whether we are in the same house or a million miles apart, anyways I have to come back because whose going to run the fucking office eh?’’ Tommy smiled as he swallowed a sob. He was scared, but more scared of never seeing any of you again.

‘’I was making sure Arthur was alright’’ you whispered, sat on the floor next to Arthur who was asleep on the sofa- Tommy interrupting the silence. ‘’He’s just drunk, Button’’ Tommy had sighed, watching as you relit the candle which had gone out. ‘’He’s always drunk’’ you rolled your eyes, as Tommy handed you a blanket out of the basket. ‘’Well, it helps with the night terrors’’ Tommy responded, sitting by the fire.

‘’He’s not the only one who gets night terrors’’ you swallowed a sob, as your brother looked at your dark eyes turning glassed. ‘’Why didn’t you tell us about them, if you’re having nightmares?’’ Tommy asked, a softness returning to him he hadn’t been able to show until yet. ‘’Because, I don’t matter- I didn’t fight at war, I have nothing to be afraid of’’ you whispered, watching as Arthur turned in his sleep. ‘’Of course you matter, eh’’ Tommy placed his hand out to yours and you flinched.

‘’I can’t touch you yet Tommy, if I do, I’m afraid you’ll disappear’’

I had all and then most of you

Some and now none of you

Take me back to the night we met

The sound of silence as Tommy held the gun to his head. Taking a deep breath as he processed his thoughts. His silence interrupted, by the sound of you in the distance. ‘’Tommy! Tommy!’’ you shouted, as he looked confused before exiting the vardo- him tumbling down the hill towards you as you clasped in his arms.

‘’Did Polly send you?’’ Tommy exasperated, his arms clasping around seven year old you as tightly as possible. In his last moments, his mind had gone to you. If there was life after this Earth, it was you he wanted to see first. Your curls falling down your back and the bonnet secured on your head. ‘’You’re little’’ Tommy looked up, him examining your face as you sweetly smiled before fading in his arms.

‘’That’s how you imagine me, when you think of me’’ you spoke, your now adult frame standing on top of the hill. ‘’Button?’’ Tommy questioned, as you nodded with a grin. ‘’29 this year, Tom, can you believe it?’’ you responded, as he looked at you with sadness. ‘’I’d have given anything to have seen it’’ Tommy sighed as you sat next to him. ‘’I see a lot of you in my children, in Charles and Ruby’’

‘’So why are you going to leave them?’’ you asked, as Tommy sighed. ‘’Because I’m sick, Button’’.  ‘’You’re not sick, Tom, do us a favour and relight the fire? You’ll see then that you’re not sick’’

‘’See, I told you!’’ you spoke brightly, watching as he examined the newspaper. ‘’By the way, Tom, I think I’m a little old to be going by Button now, I think it’s time I start going by my real name, Alice, since you named me’’ you whispered, fading as Tommy turned around.

His eyes sore from the smoke as he headed up the hill and faced his burning vardo. Everything burning, apart from underneath lay a pristine copy of Alice in Wonderland. He knew that would be the most important night, the night you met.

Thomas Shelby x Kidnapped!Reader

An imagine in pieces : Requested? I think so?

Tommy was always precautious when you went out.

Finn or John would usually accompany you when you went out

But now it was Isiah who kept you company when you where out

“Stop looking at women like that Isaiah, it’s disrespectful.”

He chuckled and shook his head.

What a bean.

You had been a big fan of reading.

Once and a while Tommy would send you out to find new books to read so you could tell him all about it when he tried to sleep.

The library was like a maze and being the clumsy person you are, you lost Isaiah.

As you read around the library, you would hear Isaiah calling out for your name.

You wandered around and slightly panicked when he stopped calling your name

Turning onto one of the bookshelve corners, you saw Isiah on the floor.

Then everything turned black

When Isiah went into the Garrison, it was late, he was bloody and tired.

Tommy could have almost killed Isiah if it weren’t for Michael, telling him that Isiah is the only person who knows what happened.

“Send a search team, every man, working or not, I want them searching everywhere for Y/n, now!”

Tommy not sleeping for days until he found the first lead to who might have taken you.

Drinking heavily because you aren’t there to stop him.

Him not admitting that he misses you.

“We’ll find her Tommy.”

“I asked you to do one thing for me and you lose her. You fuckin lose y/n, Isiah! Do you know what that means?! That means I’m fuckin’ lost to shit because she isn’t here!”

People not realizing how much you meant to Tommy until now.

Tommy still not sleeping because at night he would go out and try to find you himself.

Polly trying to calm him down but knowing she couldn’t.

Everyone knew you where his anchor- Everyone.

Arthur staying up with Tommy a few days, making sure his brother was in check.

Ada reassuring him.

But when he got a clear lead. Oh how he almost killed every man in that room until he got a straight answer.

When they had located where they were keeping you, a whole mission was set up second by second to make sure you would be safe.

When he walked into the building, you were set up like bait.

Tied up onto a chair in the middle of the room.

Beat up.

Cut.

Bruised.

Soaked in freezing water.

His heart shattered.

You looked up at him and smiled. “Is Isaiah alright?” God, you didn’t think he could ever look so upset. “Is he alive?”

“He’s alright.” He slowly stepped closer.

“No, don’t. Don’t come near me. I’m bait, Tommy. We both know it.” He hated that you where right. “Make them suffer Tommy. It’s not like I can go anywhere.” The light chuckle that came out of your lips scared him. He knew that if this was your last moments, you would be okay with it.

As you sat in the chair, your heart started beating slower. You had been starved, dehydrated and beaten. Your body couldn’t handle it anymore but you determined to stay awake. His name would slip out of your lips a few times, trying to warn him that your body was giving out. But then everything went black again.

You were safe at home when you woke Tommy was by your side with the book you had picked out at the library. You dropped it when they took you. “Don’t be angry at Isaiah. It was my fault.” He looked at you, his expression was apathetic but his eyes gleamed.  “I wandered off on my own. He called out for my name when he couldn’t find me, I found him on the floor. That’s when they took me.”

Never have you seen Tommy so heartbroken You knew he was looking at every ingury.

The cut on your lip

The bruise on your cheek

The rope marks on your neck

“I’m alive, Tommy. That’s all that matters.”

“You could have died.”

“But I didn’t. And don’t you dare give me some bullshit about leaving me because, “it’s the best for me” when it’s fuckin’ not. I knew what I was getting into and nothing will ever pull me away, Tommy.” You put your hand on top of his, as it rested on the lower portion of your thigh.“I made the most amazing mistake of falling in love with a Shelby and I’m never takin’ it back.”

Hail MAry im back, quick update on my life. 

Im alive, i still love tom holland and cillian murphy. I have fallen into the fandom of Sherlock and ¡ I have a boyfriend? Ill talk about that later. But I think i just needed some time to finally want to get back into writing. In two weeks its my spring break and i’ll be in france and Italy! My 11 hour flight will be for any writing and my inbox and request for anything is open 24/7!!! 

- Love, Me!

IM BACK! Watch the trailer for my new fic Safe and Sound coming on Friday

After months of dating in secret, Eve Shelby and Alexander Herrine’s lives are torn apart when their families declare war on each other.

Always Mine.

After a one night stand leads to a pregnancy, Tommy longs for a relationship with the child that’s out of his grasp.

This was requested by a lovely anon, I hope i’ve done you proud.This is a GIF IMAGINE. (All gifs belong to their rightful owners).

Word count: 3900      Warnings: Swearing, mentions of drinking/sex/loss. 

11th February 1914, The Garrison.

It had been Arthur that night who had insisted on going to the Garrison, determined to drag Tommy out of the heartbroken slump he had been in for six weeks straight. It had been six weeks since he’d lost his Greta, six weeks since he last held her hands in his and felt even a tiny bit whole.

There was whisky, and music, smoke, and ash. Arthur with his hand wrapped round the barmaid and a cigar in the another. John, who had barely even drank before, had found his place in a poker game in the back den. Every one had found their place but Tommy, whose eyes kept wandering over to the blonde in the corner- her face the same deflated expression as his.

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I've had this peaky blinders story I've been working on for years and was just wondering if I should publish it here or not. Would anyone be interested???

Since it’s Sunday here’s some Peaky Blinders text post to bless your timeline!! 💜

Tag yourself I’m Arthur and Finn, Esme and Johnny…

Peaky Friends 

more peaky friends and foes

Junior Peaky Boys

Tommy Shelby 

Tommy pt 2

tommy pt3

shelby siblings

shelby brothers

peaky women

Peaky friends pt.3

peaky friends pt4

peaky villains

˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆ FLUSHED CHEEKS ˚୨୧⋆｡˚ ⋆

━━ ada’s brothers won’t believe her when she tells them that she’s dating a world famous fashion designer / model icon.

word count: 1328

pairing: fem!reader x ada shelby

warnings: none

The day you met Ada was the day that made the remainder of your life perfect.

You memorized clearly that you encountered her during one of your visits to London for a fashion exposition.

One of Ada's friends somehow managed to acquire two tickets for the exposition and invited Ada.

Within thirty minutes of arriving there, Ada had to go use the restroom.

When she entered the women's bathroom, she noticed you seated on the tile floor with a cigarette in your hand. Your head was leaned back against the wall, while your heels had been discarded beside you.

When you heard the door opening, you looked up to see Ada. At first, you assumed you were so high that you were dreaming of angels, but after having examined her clearly you realized that you weren't dreaming.

Ada had shifted uncomfortably as she was at the mercy of your cold stare, but momentarily realised that you were y/n y/n/n the world-known fashion designer and model.

When Ada ultimately came back to her senses, she was relatively surprised to see you there considering the fact that you were the main guest of the fashion exposition.

When she timidly questioned you about it, you just told her that you didn't particularly like these kinds of events and that you were inclined towards hiding in the restrooms if you had the chance.

Ada merely nodded, not knowing what to do as you resumed staring holes into her head before she took cover in a toilette stall.

After she had composed herself, she unlocked the door again to see that you still hadn't moved and walked over towards you.

She gestured for you to shift slightly to create a place for her to sit before sitting down beside you and turning to look at you.

“Are you alright, Miss. y/l/n?” She questioned you softly, as you studied her features quietly.

“Yes, of course I am Mrs.-?”

“Miss. Ada Shelby,” she finished for you with a sweet smile resulting in the corner of your lips turning upward.

“It's a pleasure to meet you, Miss. Ada Shelby,” you spoke while seizing her delicate hand in yours and pressing a soft kiss to it which made her blush.

The remainder of the evening was spent in the women's bathroom, with you divulging to her all about your life as a famous fashion designer and model while she told you narratives of her life in Birmingham.

Occasionally someone would come into the restroom, but they mainly disregarded the two of you, thinking of you as some drunk women who were up to no good.

When the evening was reaching its end, you recalled not wanting to part ways with Ada. Having spent these few hours with her made you happier than the previous months when you were constantly miserable.

So, you gave her your address and told her that she could visit you anytime she desired.

You knew it was foolish to give your address to a stranger, but you couldn't help yourself as you looked into her sparkling blue eyes that had now become your favorite color.

Currently, you were driving your car to Birmingham because Ada wished to introduce you to her family.

When Ada informed her siblings and aunt that she was dating a woman, they couldn't believe their ears.

Surprisingly, Tommy had been the first one to smile and congratulate her sincerely before threatening whoever dared to date his little sister.

The remainder of her family soon followed, and she found herself to be supported by her family members, which was a tremendous solace to her.

When John ultimately raised a question of who you were, she told them that she was dating y/n y/l/n the famous fashion designer and model.

Ada had felt extremely offended when Arthur and John burst out laughing while Polly was scolding them.

So, here she was dragging you from your manor all the way to Birmingham to prove that she was dating you. That you weren't some figment of her imagination. And of course to introduce you to her family.

“You alright?” You questioned her as you saw her fiddling with the necklace that you purchased for her on her birthday.

“What?” Ada twisted to look at you with a perplexed expression as you examined her features carefully.

“I asked whether you are alright,” you repeated before taking her hand in yours.

“Oh, yes. Just jitters I guess,” she replied with a kind smile on her face.

“If you say so,” you mumbled before leaning over to kiss, which made her giggle into the kiss.

The ride to Birmingham passed painfully slow, but around the evening you finally reached your girlfriend’s hometown.

You unlocked your car door before strolling around the car to open the passenger door, where Ada had been applying a fresh coat of red lipstick.

You put the keys to your car into your pocket before you pursued your girlfriend towards her aunt’s house, where her family had been waiting to meet you.

Ada knocked harshly on the door, resulting in you lingering for a few moments before it swung open to reveal a youthful boy who you believed to be Finn, Ada’s youngest brother.

Finn’s eyes broadened at the sight of you as he stood there staring at you with his mouth agape.

“Finn?” Ada’s voice seemingly revived Finn out of his daze, rendering him to straighten out before he offered you a nervous smile.

He entirely ignored his sister as he outstretched his hand for you to shake.

You complied but rather than shaking your hand, he kissed it softly, which made Ada roll her eyes at her brother.

“I’m Finn, you must be Miss. Y/l/n,” you nodded with an amused smile on your complexion, resulting in him blushing slightly.

“Oi, Finn! Are you gonna let the ladies in or not!” Arthur Shelby’s voice bellowed throughout the house, which made Finn widen the entrance before stepping out of the way to allow you two into the house.

Ada whacked the back of Finn’s head, which made him hiss at her before they lead you towards the living room where the remainder of Shelby’s were.

When you entered the room, you first noticed an older lady who you assumed to be Polly. The noblewoman had an exceptionally great taste in fashion if you had to be honest.

Polly made her way towards you before shaking your hand politely as she smiled at you.

“It’s nice to finally meet you, Y/n. Ada’s told me a lot about you,” she spoke, causing the others to come out of their previous astonishment that Ada was, in fact, dating you.

John and Arthur nearly dashed towards you before Arthur pushed John out of the way, much to your amusement.

“I’m Arthur Shelby,” he flirted while kissing your hand before John reappeared behind him and shoved him out of the way.

John let out a breath of air as he quickly restored his hair before also kissing your hand with a cheeky grin plastered on his face, which made Ada once again roll her eyes at her siblings.

“It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Miss. Y/l/n. I’m Ada’s older brother, John.”

Polly scoffed at her nephews before shoving both of them away from you because they were nearly all over you.

Eventually, the last man, who you identified as Tommy, in the room approached you with confident strikes. His icy blue eyes boreholes into your skull as he halted in front of you.

“Y/n,” he said briefly.

“Thomas,” you copied as he eyed your figure narrowly.

“I prefer Tommy, but it’s good to finally meet you,” he nodded curtly, provoking the corners of your lips to turn upwards slightly.

“Pleasures all mine,” you responded before turning back to Ada, who looked willing to slaughter all of her brothers.

©cupidsheqrt , 2022.

Okay but why is no one talking about uncle Charlie being in love with his sister. Girl i-

He's still one of my favourite characters in the series tho.

Like i understand that it was probably more normal back then but damn thats straight up incest.

Wow.

made for display, part one. thomas shelby x reader

summary: a widely known performer seems to catch the attention of a gang leader who can't seem to get her out of his head

warning/s: swearing, drinking, really bad writing because i don't want to revise my old writing, smoking, harassment, and slight violence

slater’s note: this was originally a wattpad book of mine (just slightly edited) with an original character (kiera knightly as a faceclaim) but y’know, let me post it here 😁😁😐

you love the way people stare at you even when they have no reason to. their eyes could simply be wandering the room and then land on you for no reason and just stick there.

you loved it because it gave you some form of power that no one could seem to place. the attention they fed you reflected off of you and gave you a glowing effect, attracting more eyes. it was a mentality really; no one could be you, no one could beat you, there was no like you.

however, the attention came to be a bit much when it came to certain men, especially men like harvey lucas. a man who made constant passes at you and when rejected; he made other equally indecent men make passes at you.

there was a constant growing of discomfort that would just form in the pit of your stomach each time he came into your vision. you just couldn't avoid him no matter how hard you tried, he always found his way to you.

you made money by playing piano at the hudson; a large ballroom that was open every night, and had you play every saturday. you made good money but you also made good impressions on some of the men that would watch you, making it easy for harvey lucas to find someone to force on you.

you leaned against the copper bar rail with a glass of wine in hand as you observed the men and women that swung along to the music together.

a small smile of amusement formed on your face as you continued to watch until it was suddenly dropped when you saw the eager face of harvey from the corner of your eye; he was looking for someone.

he was looking for you.

you quickly adjusted yourself off the bar railing, setting down the glass half full of thick red wine before pushing yourself into the crowd of dancing people in hopes his eyes wouldn't catch you.

you looked around frantically, looking for someone to hide behind or to just to talk to so you could drown out harvey who was soon to find you. it was always better with the company of another person, it always made it hard for the man to push on his abrasive words.

your eyes land on a man who, conveniently, was looking right at you. you almost smirk but he slowly diverts his eyes to somewhere else with a blank expression, almost thinking you wouldn't notice him if he was subtle, but it was too late, he was already quick pray.

you glided across the slick polished wooden floors to the man who stood to the side with a glass of whiskey.

you smile when his eyes find their way back to you when you’re only five feet away. he seems unaffected, as if he expected you to come around eventually, like this was his plan the whole time, even as he had no idea who you were.

and you smiled to yourself knowing he was very well unaware that you had no intention in sleeping with him, but only to escape from the drooling men that chased after you.

"do you dance?"

maybe you liked him, chose him because he wasn't drooling all over you, and of course that's the way things go? you desire the ones who don't desire you.

he nods slowly and always hesitantly, taking a sip of the drink in his hand, not offering you any verbal response. but you take that as an opening to drag him onto the dance floor as he wasn't speaking; wasn't protesting.

eyes seemed to land on the two of you, including the ones of harvey who was after you. you smiles to yourself as you can see the disappointment clouding his features from the corner of your eye.

thank god.

thomas shelby reluctantly places his hand on your hip as well as lacing his fingers with yours. he purses his lips while studying your features as your eyes dart around the room, as if your anxiety was turned to a high and he found that strange.

"these people, mr. shelby, they take great interest in you," you mumble while studying other people and the way they look at you, no, the way they look at him.

"who are you?"

you finally look to him, finding his icy eyes that seem to stare into your soul. they make you lightly shiver, but you keep your composure, slightly smiling to hide the fear that started to creep into the back of your mind.

you were a fool to consider him as a dance partner so lightly.

his eyebrows were raised high, "how do you know who i am?"

"i don't."

he leaves your eyes, looking at the crowds of people who you were referring to, and he frowns at your incorrect observation.

"they're all staring at you."

thomas has never seen you a day of his life until now. it took him on edge on how well you seemed to know him for no reason, but it's as if he forgets how notorious him and his brothers are.

"they're staring at the both of you."

you closed your eyes tightly at the voice, leaving tommy all the more confused. he formed his lips in a tight line glancing at the man who stood uncomfortably close to the two of you who continued to dance to the music.

"fuck off, eh? harvey," you mumbled, your eyes wandering around the cream colored room.

"wouldn't you like that, huh, y/n?"

thomas looks between the two of you, loosening his grip on you and you notices right away, your head flipping to him. you give him a desperate look that he sees a lot from woman.

you didn't want him to leave you to another conversation with the man that continued to stand next to you in an awkward stance.

but thomas fully lets go of you, nodding to the man named "harvey".

you bite the inside of your cheek as you watch the man smooth down the front of his nice three-piece suit while walking away, back to his scotch.

"you look nice."

you scoff, marching back to the bar where your alcoholic drink also awaited.

maybe, you thought, maybe if i act like he's not here, he'll go away.

but he didn't. he continued to talk about the hotel room he had up in the hudson and how he was ready to go up at anytime.

"harvey, you really have no idea how much i'd like to strangle you right now," you mumbled, connecting the tip of your wine glass to your lips.

you glanced his way while you take in the thick liquid down your throat. he thinks while looking at his shoes before looking back up to you.

he comes in really close to where his lips are connected to your ear, "i'd prefer to be the one who strangles while fucking you senseless."

you could feel your blood boiling to the point you couldn't even think, so you smashed your wine glass over the top of his head.

navigation

@thecraziestcrayon @transias @cc13723things @heyitsmeimdead @nyx3028

Cillian Murphy ━ PEAKY BLINDERS, portraying Thomas Shelby. 

the show first started in September of 2013 and is still an ongoing series.  

Peaky Blinders + brides

she is gorgeous

PEAKY BLINDERS (2013 - )

unexpected luck?

Summary: Your parents kick you out after they find out you are pregnant. Pregnant by a Shelby. But even John does not react to the news as you would have liked.

John Shelby x reader.

Words: 2784

Warnings: None, correct me if I´m wrong

English is not my mother tongue, so forgive me for mistakes.

**********

Your whole body is shaking, the strict glance of your mother burn under your skin. 

,,Who is it?” she asks with an angry voice, but you only shake your head. You couldn't answer. It only would make them angrier.

Your fathers fist hits the table. ,,Tell me! What's his name? Who got you pregnant? Or do you not even know? "

,,Shelby.” you whisper, tears running out of your eyes. 

,,You get yourself knock up by one of this fucking gypsies! I never trought that you are that dump.” your mother cursed. 

,,Get out. Ge out of my house! You brought shame on this family. I never want to see you again. After today, I no longer have a daughter.” your father say with a calm voice, and you know, when his voice has this tone you doesn´t argue. You just did what he said. So you grap your coat and run out of your house. The cold air hits you wet cheecks, tears still running out of your eyes. You run trought the dark streets, your lungs burn but you don´t stop until you stand vor Pollys door. It´s the only place you could go. You knock a few times at the door and it tooks a moment for Polly to open her door. She only wears her nightgrown, worry all written over her face. As she sees you she realxes for a second, than she saw your terars. ,,Y/N, what happend?” she asks and drag you inside in the warm house. You sad yourself in the kitchentabel still crying, Polly sits beside you strokes your back and remains silent. She waits for you to start speaking. . ,,My parents throw me out.” you said after a moment. 

,,Why?” 

You know she already knows, you saw it in her face yesterday, after John makes fun of you for sleeping the whole day and still being tried. Last week you ask her if she ha cherries in the house. Polly knows normally you hate cherries. You knows it since a few weeks, but hasn´t told John. Because you are arfraid of his reaction. He was only 17 Years old, you even a year younger. No one of you was able to look after a child. 

,,I told them that I am pregnant.” you whisper. Polly takes a deep breath and than she smiled warmly. 

,,What wonderfull news.” she said, you know she lied, its not. Times were hard and it doesn´t get better when you bring another mouth to feed at her table. But Polly knows that you need someone to reacts with joy. 

,,Have you told John?” she asks, don´t doubt for a second that he is the father. You two were dating for almost 1 Year now and both of you are head over heels in love. John doesn´t even mind that you can´t bee seen in public together, he understands that your parents would send you to your aunt in London in the second they will find out that you are dating a Shelby. Your parents hate the Shelbys, because of their not so legal business and because their are Gypsies. For your parents their were a plague, but you doesn´t mind. You fell in love with John in the second you meet him. You has a project at school with Ada, so she took you to her place and after a few minutes her brothers came through the door. Laughing and chase eachother through the small kitchen, of course the tea Ada hat place at the tabel spills all over you. John laughts at you and his blue eyeas sparkled in the light. In that moment you lost your heart to him. 

,,No.” you answerd. ,,I am to afraid. What if he insists that I get it taken away? I don't know if I can do that.” 

,,Should he do that, I'll take my kitchen knife and cut off his fucking cock” 

You can't help but laugh softly. Polly wipes the tears from your face. “Go to sleep now, it's late. And if you want we can tell him together tomorrow. Okay?"

,,Okay. Thank you Polly. " She gives you a warm smile and then sends you upstairs. You quietly open John's room door, his loud snoring sounds in your ears. You drop your coat on the floor and slip off your dress. Only in underwear you climb into the warm bed. When you snuggle up to his side he wakes up, immediately his arms close around you and he presses a kiss on your forehead. ,, Y / N. What are you doing here? ”He asks in a sleepy voice.

“I'll explain it to you tomorrow. I'm too tired to talk right now. "

John gently strokes your arms and pulls you closer to his warm chest. ,,Okay.“ He's too tired to worry about why you sneak into his bed in the middle of the night and it's too dark for him to see the tears on your face. He kisses you and crosses his legs with yours, he wants you to be as close as possible to him. You listen to his calm breath and his heart. The rhythmic beating of his heart and the familiar smell quickly lull you into a dreamless sleep.

 You wake up before the sun really comes up. John is peacefully sleeping next to you. And even if you are emotionally and physically exhausted, you cannot lie down. Carefully you free yourself from Johns embrace and climb out of bed. You put your dress back on and sneak down the stairs. Tommy is sitting in the kitchen with a cup of tea and the newspaper. A cigarette hangs in the corner of his mouth, the smell of the smoke makes you sick for a moment.

"Good morning Tommy."

,,Good morning Y / N. What are you doing here? Didn't even know you slept here. It was suspiciously quiet for you to be there. "

"Shut up, Shelby." Those nights got you into this shitty situation in the first place, or the afternoons by the river, or the evenings in the back alley next to the Garrison. You don't even know how long you've been pregnant. 5 weeks? Maybe 6? Or longer? You take a cup of tea and fill Tommy's cup again. Then you let yourself fall on the kitchen table. Tommy's gaze attentive is to you. You haven't looked in the mirror, but you're sure that you look like a mess.

"Are you okay?"

"No." You shake your head and take a sip of tea. Before Tommy can ask any further questions, John comes down the stairs into the kitchen.

"I thought I had dreamed that you were here when you weren't lying next to me this morning." He says, he sounds happy and you'd like to start crying right away. He puts a kiss on your lips and lights up on one of Tommy's cigarettes. Polly walks into the room and gives you an encouraging smile. "Slept well?" She asks the group. Tommy and John nod but you just stare into your tea. Polly pats you on the shoulder as she walks past you. "Tommy. Please leave us alone for a moment." Tommy looks confused at his aunt, but then gets up and disappears from the kitchen with his newspaper. John looks back and forth between you and his aunt in confusion, his happy smile has disappeared from his lips.

"Can't we wait a little longer?" You ask quietly, but Polly shakes her head.

"Wait with what?" Asks John skeptically, he grabs your hand but you pull it away and clasp your cup. He looks at Polly. "Wait with what?" he repeats his question. Polly takes a deep breath, lights a cigarette, and joins you at the table. You wish to be very far away, your whole body is shaking and you feel sick. He will leave you, you and the child. His child. ,,What the fuck is going on here? Would someone please talk to me? Y / N? What's happening? Please talk to me. "He sounds a little desperate, fear is reflected in his blue eyes.

“I have decided that Y / N will be living here from now on. This decision stands and will not be discussed. "Says Polly determined and looks at you encouragingly. You knew that Polly would never put you on the street, not like your parents. But to hear that you have a home here, no matter what, it lowers your nervousness a little.

"John." You start and stare further into your tea, but John carefully grabs your chin and forces you to look at him. "I'm pregnant with your child. Our child." Shock and disbelife are reflected in his face, he lets his hand drop. He doesn't say a word, then he gets up and storms out of the kitchen.

"JOHN!" Polly yells after him, but you collapse and start crying again. He didn't say anything and just ran away. He left you, just as you feared. Although you didn't actually think he would ever leave you. Maybe force you to have an abortion. But in none of your horror scenarios that have been going through your head for the past few days he has left you. Even in your worst nightmares, you can't imagine him leaving you. Still, he just did it.

Tommy comes back into the kitchen.

"What's going on?" He asks, then his gaze falls on you. You are still crying at the kitchen table, subconsciously you have placed a protective hand over your stomach. Tommy notices this and understands immediately. "Where is John?"

"Run away. Like a bloody coward. "Polly sounds angry. She hadn't expected such behavior from John. Polly sits down next to you and rubs your back soothingly.

"I'm tired," you utter between sobs.

"Of course." Polly says gently. "Get some sleep and I'll bring you some food later." You nod and drag yourself up the stairs, Finn is sitting on the top step.

"I was listening," he says quietly, sounding incredibly guilty.

"It's okay."

"What does it mean to be pregnant?" Asks the little boy.

“It means that I'm going to have a baby. And you have a nephew or a niece. " Finn nods even if you're sure he doesn't really understand. After all, he's only four years old.

"Then why are you sad?" He asks.

"Because your brother is a fucking ass."

"No cursing around Finn." Tommy calls up the stairs, which puts the slightest smile on your face.

You bend down and kiss Finn's hair. "Polly is waiting with breakfast." The little boy jumps up and runs down the stairs. ,,Are you not coming?"

"Leave Y / N alone today, she is very tired and needs to rest." Finn still looks confused but doesn't question his aunt's words. You open John's room door, the bed is unmade and his things are scattered all over the place. You sigh, push a pair of dirty pants aside with your foot and lie down in his bed. The sheets smell way too much of John and tears are streaming down your cheeks again. You curl up and cry yourself into a restless sleep.

 You are woken up by loud screams from below. You can't understand exactly what is being said, but you can hear Polly's angry voice. You carefully wrap yourself out of the sheets and creep into the hallway. Finn is already back at the top of the stairs and you let yourself sink down next to him.

"Are you listening again?"

"Yes." You concentrate on the voices, although the door has been closed you can now hear them clearly.

"... like a goddamn idiot, how could you do that? You impregnate her and then run away! What kind of man are you? "

"Shut up your fucking mouth Polly. I didn't run away. I'm here now, just had something to do first."

"Buy a train ticket?" You hear Ada's angry voice, of course the whole family has already been informed about the situation. "Or borrow money for the doctor? What are you going to do John? Do you want to force her to have the baby removed? Y/N is the best that ever happend to you and she brings you wonderful news! And what are you doing? You run away even though she needed you. "

You hear glass breaking. Probably John's patience has come to an end, and then he reacts like a wild animal in a cage, he attacks.

"Stay here." You say to Finn and run down the stairs. You have to prevent bloodshed between the siblings.

You open the door and enter the room, immediately everyone is quiet and looking at you.

A relieved smile appears on John's lips and he comes up to you to pull you into a hug.

"They didn't want to tell me where you are." He whispers, his voice sounds relieved, but you tense up and push him away from you. Tears gather in your eyes.

“I don't want an abortion. I know we're too young but I can't. I could never come to terms with the idea of ​​killing my baby. "Your hand wanders back to your stomach to place it protectively on your unborn child." I know it's unfair, but I made my decision and if you did then want an abortion, then.. then… I don't know either. " you take a deep breath. "Don't worry, you don't have to take care of us, I can do it myself."

,,What? No! Why is everyone here always talking about a fucking abortion? That child will stay right where it is  for the next nine months. And you don't have to do anything on your own. "

You look at him confused. "Then why did you run away? If you're not angry, why did you leave me? "

,,I did not leave you. Sure, I was shocked and yes we are young but a child! You have our child, why should I leave you? I love you Y / N and I will love our child. I just had to do something. "

“What was so important? What's so important that you leave me alone in the worst moment of my life. "Tears are running down your cheeks again, you can't understand why he ran away the moment you needed him. John takes a deep breath and takes yours hand.

“I'm sorry I ran away, I know it wasn't the right reaction. But I need a ring for a proposal. "He smiles at you and then goes down on one knee. With his free hand he pulls a silver ring out of his vest pocket. Polly and Ada utter a surprised cry while you just put your hand over your mouth and look down at John in shock.

"Y / N, would you do me the honor of making me the happiest man in the world and marrying me?"

You can only nod. John smiles in relief, gets up and kisses you full of passion and love. "Yes?" He whispers against your lips.

"Yes of course you fucking idiot." When he puts the ring on your finger, his hands are trembling slightly.

Arthur and Tommy start clapping and cheering. Ada pulls you into a tight hug, you smile at Polly over her shoulder and she smiles back, all the anger is gone and suddenly there is a happy mood in the air.

 A week later you and John step in front of the altar. You sent an invitation to your parents, but they didn't show up. Of course it hit you, but you don't need them. The moment you walk out of the church with John by your side, you know everything will be fine. After all, you're a Shelby now.

There's a little party at the Garrison, of course John's whole family is there, and a couple of friends, Freddie Throne flirts with Ada all the time, but her brothers are too drunk to really notice. You smile at Ada across the table and raise your glass. She rolls her eyes and turns back to Freddie.

"At least the kid isn't going to be a bastard," laughs Arthur.

"Shut up you fucking asshole." You and John shouts at the same time.

Arthur starts laughing and Tommy gives him a brotherly slap on the shoulder. "Y / N already sounds like a Shelby."

“Yes, because she is  a fucking Shelby. Isn't it Mrs. Shelby? "

Hearing your new last name for the first time makes you feel warm and you can't help but smile at your husband. "Of course, finally I'm your wife, Mr. Shelby."

This isn't "goodbye", this is simply "see you later" - Series Part 1 : Goodbye my lover

Summary: It was suppose to be a normal Thursday. But this Thursday brings you the worst news you can imagine. Your boyfriend John has volunteered for the army and is going to war. The love of your life will leave you and you can't bear to let him go.

Pairing: John Shelby x Y/N 

Words: 4240

Warnings: Angst, mention of death, swearing, Mention of sex (not explicitly described) 

A/N: Timeskipes are marked with ---

English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own. 

Part 1/3

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                            Part 1 : Goodbye my lover

The rain pounds on the ground and leaves Watery Lane as one large mud puddle, the dirt splatters over your boots and stains your dress up to your knees. But you don't care, you're completely soaked anyway. Of course you forgot your umbrella at home. You quickly run down the streets to Polly's house and open the back door. As you step into the kitchen, you are immediately enveloped in a pleasant warmth, which comes from the fire in the fireplace. You put the basket full of purchases on the table and try not to dirty the whole kitchen floor. ,,Hello? Someone there? "You call into the quiet house." Aunt Polly? " "I'm here dear." Polly comes from the betting shop, which is full despite the rain. "Did you get everything?" You sigh “Of course not. There are no more potatoes, only beets. " "There will be better times again." Polly goes to the cabinet and takes out the old coffee can in which she hides her money and takes out a pound note to give it to you for your purchases. "It's okay." You say and start to put away the food. "Y / N" starts Polly, but you don't let her finish. "I don't want your money." "And I don't want your handouts." Polly sounds a little annoyed. "It's my father's money as well." Your father would probably kill you if he knew that you don't spend his money on new clothes as you claim, but to buy food for the Shelbys. You know that Polly is too proud is to ask for money, but you also know that times are bad and that the war is making it difficult to support five children. "Besides, you're feeding me anyway." You add, and Polly finally clears the money away with a sigh. "Thank you Y / N." "Not for that, you're family." The Shelbys aren't really your family, at least not yet. “I change quickly and then I cook. Are everyone at home? "  "No, only Ada, Finn and I are there. Unfortunately I don’t know, where the noble gentlemen hang around.  “All right. So cold food for the Shelby brothers. " Polly laughs lightly as you slip off your dirty shoes and then run up the stairs to put some dry clothes on. "Y / N!" Ada comes towards you halfway up the stairs and immediately grabs your hand. "You're freezing."

“It's cold outside." "Not that you get sick." She paddles and then pulls you into her room. You quickly slip out of your wet dress and put on one of Ada's dresses. Your best friend is sitting on her bed and has that special look on it, which she always has when she messes up. "What happened?" You ask as you slip into dry socks. “Freddy was here. He knew Tommy was away. " “And?” You ask, you can't suppress your grin. Ada has always been in love with Freddy. "He kissed me," she whispers and then begins to giggle. "Oh Ada." You call happily and take her in your arms. "He said he really liked me." “And what did you say?" "That I like him too." “And now?" ,,I don’t know. Tommy will be angry. " "Don't worry about Tommy for once and enjoy your first great love Ada. You will miss the feeling once you are my age." You say and brush one of the brown strands of hair from her face. You are mostly annoyed by Tommy's alpha male behavior anyway. “You´re not even two years older than me.” “But almost.” you say and wink at her. “Ada, Y / N. I'm hungry. "Finn suddenly shouts through the house. You and Ada roll your eyes. "Who raised this child?" "Nobody." Ada laughs and jumps up from her bed. She leaves the room, grabs Finn, who is standing in the hallway, and takes him in her arms. "Will you help us cook?" "Arthur says that's women stuff." "Arthur has no idea about women's stuff, you shouldn't listen to him." You say and ruffles his hair. "Okay, then I'll help you." It's so easy to convince children of something. If only it were the same with adults. Then you don't have to lie to your parents and tell them you're in nursing school when you actually go to the Shelby's every Thursday. Ada lets her little brother get on his feet again and he runs into the kitchen. Finn isn't really a help in the kitchen, but he enjoys helping Ada and you and so you pretend you have important tasks for the little one. You are about to peel the beets when the kitchen door opens and Tommy, Arthur and John come in cursing. "Shit weather. Fucking rain, that's unbearable" Says Arthur and hangs his wet coat on the rack. “Don´t curse before Finn.” you said and hit him with a kitchen rag. "Is the meal fucking ready yet?" Asks Tommy with a curious look at the pots you are cooking in front of you. "Not yet." Ada replies, and hits her brother on the back of the head with the wooden spoon. "And it doesn't go any faster if you're in the way." "Wow Ada, you are in a fucking good mood today." Laughs John, then his gaze meets you and his smile becomes even wider. "Hello princess." He comes up to you and wraps his arms around you to kiss you on the cheek. "Hello Love." You say and nestle into his arms. John Shelby is the love of your life, and you couldn't be more grateful that you found him at the age of only 14. Despite all the difficulties your families have made you, the last years have been the best of your life. "God, I'm getting sick with all this cuddling and kissing." Arthur says. "Please do that in John's room." “Please do not! The walls are extremely thin and I have the room next door." says Tommy. John gives his brothers an angry look. Even though you spend at least one night at the Shelby house every week, there hasn't been anything Tommy could have heard. “Boys. Be quiet. Y / N comes from a decent family, you still know what is proper. And how often should I tell you that no one curses in front of Finn?” Polly calls out when entering the kitchen. "Now put on dry clothes, otherwise you will get sick. Then you wash your hands and help Finn with the table-setting. And don't you think you don´t have to tell where you've been all morning. " You and Ada start laughing when the three brothers make faces to match the weather outside. It doesn't take long, and the food is on the table. Of course, Tommy, Arthur and John skilfully avoided setting the table by simply spending the rest of the time in their rooms changing. Polly's little kitchen is filled with the smell of food, warmth, and the feeling of family. During the meal, John's hand lies on your knee the whole time, you can't deny the butterflies that are dancing in your stomach. Polly waits for everyone to finish. "Finn please go upstairs." The little boy looks at his aunt annoyed, but then does what she says. John tenses next to you, Arthur avoids all looks, only Tommy remains calm on the outside, the only sign of his tension is that he is pulling harder than usual on his cigarette. All three of them know that they can't evade Polly anymore, and by the way they act you know that they screwed up a lot. You and Ada exchange a curious look. "Where have you been?" Asks Polly, her tone revealing that she will neither accept discussions nor lies. The three Shelbys stay silent, they are silent until Tommy has put his cigarette out in the ashtray. "We enlisted ourselves." It will take you a second to understand the meaning of his words, then it hits you like a slap in the face. You turn to John. "You did fucking what?" "I'm going to France." He replies without looking at you. "No." you shake your head. "No way!" you jump up, his hand slipping off your knee and leaving a cold chill on your skin. ,,Absolutely no way" "I don't think that's your decision Y / N." Tommy interferes. "Shut up." You hiss at him. John slowly gets up from his seat, his gaze searches for yours and he raises his hands reassuringly. "Y / N please listen to me." ”No! I don't want to listen to you, and you won't go to war either. " "None of you will go to war," says Ada, there are tears in her eyes and she is clutching Arthur's hand as if she could hold on to him. "We have to go there sooner or later anyway." Tommy tries again in a calm voice. "Better later, then." Says Ada. “Ada, Y / N. Calm down. "Says Polly, but her voice also trembles with suppressed anger. “Calm down? The fuck no! This is crazy, this war is crazy, and you will die over there." Now the tears are running down your cheeks. You shake your head, give John another disappointed look and then run out of the kitchen. As you run, you slip into yours Boots and run out into the street, of course it's still raining. "Y / N!" You hear John calling but you just keep running. Actually, you wanted to slam the door behind you, but John was faster, catches it and follows you. He caught up with you in a few steps. "Wait." He takes your hand and pulls you towards him. You try to pull yourself away, but he's stronger than you. Not once did John say that he wanted to go to war. He didn't even mention this goddamn war. “Let me." “No. Please listen to me." “No, I don't want to listen to you. Why should I? You're doing what you want anyway! You go to war, leave me here, and then you die. Don't even think for a second that I'll sit here and wait for you while you do the stupidest thing you've ever done." John looks like you punched him in the face or kicked him in the balls. Or both at the same time. "You won't wait for me?" His voice trembles. John's voice never trembles. You look into his blue eyes and see only pain, pain and tears. You have never seen John cry and this second it breaks your heart. You don't want to be the reason he's crying, ever. You feel as if there is no more air in your lungs and your words burn like poison on your tongue. More and more tears run down your cheeks as you shake your head and nestle against his chest. "Of course I'm waiting for you." You sob. "Please don't leave me." John hugs you like he's never going to let go of you. “I won’t leave you. Never." You completely forget the rain and the cold. The only thing that matters right now is John. You take a deep breath of his scent, trying to memorize how his arms feel around your body. “Then don't go to war. Don't go to France. " “I must. If we don't go willingly, they will soon force us. You know that. At least now it´s our decision. Please understand that." You hate yourself for it, but of course you can understand him. "When?" You ask, tears are still running down your cheeks, John looks at you and carefully wipes them away. “In a week." he whispers and blows a kiss on your lips. Your heart contracts and you dig into his shirt. In a week, you only have one week with the love of your life.

---

“You're too late." “I'm sorry. I had to do something. " "For Tommy?" You roll your eyes. "You go to war tomorrow and still he uses you as his errand boy." “I'm not Tommy's fucking errand boy. I just had something to do. Please don't argue with me. Not on our last day. " You sigh, tears come to your eyes again, the idea of ​​being separated from him tomorrow will tear your heart apart. "Hey, princess, don´t cry. I'll be back before you can really miss me. "He strokes your cheek and presses you a light kiss on the lips. ,,Come on now! I have a surprise." “A surprise? You?" "Yes, I've thought we´re doing something romantic today." You can't help but laugh. "You?" John gives you an angry look and lets go of your hand, he turns his head to the side, but you can see his cheeks turning red. "Then not and stop fucking laughing. " Immediately you stop and grab his hand to pull him towards you. He allows it, but his posture is still tense. “I'm sorry. But Jonny Boy, your idea of ​​romance is drinking a bottle of Whisky on Aunt Polly's roof. " "Star gazing is romantic." "So do we look at the stars?" You ask and press him a kiss on the cheek, finally he smiles again. “No, not today. Come on now, wifey. " Your heart skips, sometimes he calls you that and every time you can't help but smile at the thought of being Mrs. Shelby one day. John takes your hand and starts walking. He pulls you to a car and opens the passenger door for you. "Where did you get that car from?" You ask in surprise as you climb into the car. You have never driven in a car and somehow you are also sure that John has never driven too. "Borrowed from a friend." “You don´t have any friends. Did you steal it? " "Would that turn you on?" He grins cockily at you. "A little bit maybe." "Be quiet or I'll take you here and now in this fucking car." You feel the blood rush to your cheeks and you lower your eyes. John starts laughing and starts the car, to his surprise he really seems to know how to drive. You drive for a while, away from the dusty roads and smoky air of Small Heath until the area becomes rural and through a small forest. You breathe in the fresh air deeply, the sun shines through the leaves and warms your face. John parks the car in a small clearing and climbs out of the car. You want to open your door, but John hits the hood once. You flinch and look at him in shock. "Stay seated." He says, comes around the car and opens the door for you. You roll your eyes, but then take his hand and let him help you out of the car. "Since when are you such a gentleman? If the other Peaky Blindes would know. " "Just for you." He says and kisses you, you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him closer to you. John breaks away from you and smiles at you, then he takes your hand and pulls you across the clearing to a large picnic blanket and a mountain of pillows, with a picnic basket next to it. You stop and notice how tears well up in your eyes. "Did you prepare that?" “Yes. I wanted to do something special. " "John .." you start and notice how a tear is running down your cheek, John sighs and carefully wipes it away with his thumb. "No more tears today, princess." "I'll try." ,,Let's eat. I'm hungry and Polly has made sandwiches. " You sit down on the soft blanket and John gets the sandwiches, a bottle of wine, a bottle of rum and a pack of cigarettes from the picnic basket. "You want to drink all of that?" You ask, slightly amused, as you take the bottles. "Maybe I need it." He whispers, so softly that you are sure you shouldn't have heard it. So you don't say anything and just smile. You enjoy the sandwiches and drink a little of the wine. After dinner you snuggle up to John and let the sunshine on your face. He puts his arm around you and pulls you to his chest, carefully drawing small circles on your upper arm. You take a deep breath of its familiar smell and wish that time would stand still. You wish that tomorrow never comes and that you two could lie here on this blanket forever. You wish there wouldn't be a war, there wouldn't be strict parents, and somehow also that there would be no Peaky Blinders. You just wish there wasn't anything that John could take away from you. "Y / N?" His voice breaks the silence. You lift your head and look into his beautiful face. John sits up a little and takes a deep breath. "I love you." “And I love you." “I know. And I know you don't want me to go to war. " "I understand that you have to go." John smiles slightly and strokes his light hair. “Yes, you understand. You understand me, always, and I couldn't be happier to have you. I know the next few weeks will be difficult. For you, for me and for our relationship. I'll be far away and I don't know how often I can write to you. "John takes another deep breath." And there's a small chance I won't come home. " Suddenly you get a bad feeling in your stomach. Is he breaking up with you right now? ,,I will wait for you. I'll wait for you my whole life if I have to. "Your hand shakes as you reach for his. “Can you please let me finish? Only once! "He says with a slight laugh. "Sorry." You say and look at your hands. John puts a finger under your chin and forces you to look at him. "I don't want you sitting around at home all the time, feeling sad and waiting for me to come home." He actually wants to break up with you. "I want you to be happy." "No!" You interrupt him. "No, you won't do that. It won't happen, ever." John looks at you in shock, his eyes suddenly full of sadness. "You're not breaking up with me now." You claw his hand as if you could stop him, as if he weren't stronger than you, as if he couldn't just tear himself away from you. "You think I want to break up with you?" Suddenly a smile plays around his lips and his eyes are full of joy again. That confuses you even more. “Yes, but that won't happen! You can't break up with me, I won't accept that. You said you love me, and I love you! We're not breaking up. You go to this fucking war and then you come home to me. And I'll wait here, write you letters and miss you until you get home. I'll wait until you come home. "Your voice almost cracks as you keep talking. “God Princess. I don't want to break up with you, I'm trying to ask you here if you want to marry me! " You look at him in shock for a brief moment. “Oh."

"Oh?" Asks John, a little uncertain. “Yes. Yes of course I want to marry you. You idiot! I thought you'd break up with me! That was a shitty marriage proposal! When you propose, the other person doesn't think you want to break up. " "If you don't let me finish again then I won't propose to you." John laughs and presses his lips to yours. "Are you quiet now so I can ask you the right way?" "But I already said yes." “Wifey! Shut up and for God's sake let me finish. "He says in a mock angry voice. You bend up again and kiss him. "Okay." You whisper to his lips. Then you sit up a little longer and look at him waiting, but you cannot banish the smile from your lips. John reaches into his pocket and pulls out an engagement ring. “Y / N. Would you do me the honor and become my wife? " You look at him in silence for a brief moment, exactly until his gaze becomes uncertain again. “Yes." John is breathing heavily. "You're going to bring me to the grave." You laugh and pull him back to you to kiss him. "I love you and don't say anything like that." "I love you too, princess." John takes your hand in his and carefully puts the ring on your finger, it fits perfectly. Tears well up in your eyes, but this time it's joy tears. You will become his wife. John kisses you again. "You promised not to cry anymore today," he whispers to your lips. "I said I would try." You answer and wrap your arms around his neck, you never want to let go of him again. The kiss becomes more intense, you bury your hand in his hair and pull him even closer to you. "I love you." You whisper between two kisses. "Not as much as I love you." He replies, his lips wandering over your cheeks to your neck. You let yourself sink back on the soft pillows below you, and John follows you. His warm body over yours, he leans on his upper arm so you don't feel his weight. John's lips find yours again and his hand moves over your body to your hip. You press yourself against him, your hands move to his neck and when John bites your lower lip lightly, you scratch your fingernails lightly over his skin. John moans softly.  You wrap your legs around the middle of his body, his hand wanders from your hip to your thigh, while he pushes your dress up slightly so that his warm hand runs over the skin of your leg. Your hands wander from the back of his neck over his muscular shoulders. John's lips wander back to your neck, first he spreads feather-light kisses on your skin, when he suddenly bites you moan softly. A pleasant warmth flows through you and you want to feel John even closer to you, you want to feel his skin on your, his hands on your body. John's hand moves slowly up your thigh. You have been at this point over and over again over the past few years, usually your body is tense now and you flinch away from its touch. You know he's waiting for it, he's waiting to pull back and hug you and whisper in your ear that it's okay and that he loves you and that he can wait until you're ready. But today you don't want to flinch. You are so flooded with happiness and love that it feels right, you feel ready. So you don´t flinch when his hand reaches the center of your body. “Is it okay if I touch you here?” His voice sounds darker than usual and leaves you with a pleasant shiver. You nod. “Words Princess.” “Yes, it´s okay. John I want you.” He comes off your lips to look you in the eyes..

“Are you sure? We don't have to do that. We can wait till I get back, we can wait until our wedding night. Or longer. I don´t care." “But I do care, I am sure, please John, I don´t want to wait any longer. Please. Make me your wife.”   He groans softly at your words, then he kisses you again full of love, passion and affection. John is careful, he takes his time to explore your body. You exchange whispered vows of love and promises about the future, about a future together. He doesn´t just take your virginity, he makes love to you. And when you lie sweaty and out of breath next to each other, you have the feeling as if your heart is jumping out of your chest for sheer happiness. John pulls you into his arms. “I love you, my wife.”

---

The platform is full, people crowd everywhere to say goodbye to the soldiers. You stand between the people, nestled close to John. “I'll come back to you. I promise you. " he whispers. “I'll wait." You kiss again, his lips taste salty from all the tears that run down your cheeks. Then you break away from each other. You look at him and try to memorize every little detail about him. You want the sight of him to burn in your brain and in your heart. John hugging his aunt and sister, and you are saying goodbye to Arthur and Tommy. Arthur kneels in front of Finn on the dusty platform and takes him in his arms. “You are the man in the house now. Take good care of our women and our business. Got it?" "Got it." Finn tries to sound brave, but he's crying too. Even if he doesn't really understand why his brothers have to go. The brothers get on the train, which leaves a few minutes later. Ada clings to your arm and cries, Polly pulls you both into a tight hug. “The three of them will be back soon. Don't worry, they'll all be back soon. "It sounds more like a prayer, and god you want to believe her.

----

Part 2 

This isn’t “goodbye”, this is simply “see you later” - Series Part 2 : Without you

Summary: John is far away in France to fight in a terrible war. And you stayed behind, you wait for him. But everything has consequences and when you find out about your pregnancy, the construct of lies that once was your life falls apart and you are alone, without your fiancé.

Pairing: John Shelby x Y/N Words: 8796 Warnings: angst, unplanned pregnancy, family problems, talking about abortion (please let me know if i forgot something)

A/N: Timeskipes are marked with — English is not my first language. All mistakes are my own. Part 2/3    -> Part 1

GIF not mine 

You can also read this on AO3.

                                           Part 2: Without you 

It hasn't rained in 3 days and the air is a little too warm for this time of year, but you don't mind. You enjoy the sun while you can, autumn would come soon enough. You are walking down the streets next to a school friend, Emily. She said goodbye to her brother yesterday and is obviously worried about him, so you figured you'd distract her a little. "Who do we pick up again?" asks Emily. "An old friend of mine, Ada." you answer her. Polly asked you to look after Ada, she have gone into her room and won't come out. Ada's aunt worries that she will get sick and at least you go to nursing school. But you know she doesn't get sick, you know why she doesn't come out of her room. Freddy also went to France 1 week ago. Ada is like you, her lover went to war and left her behind. So Ada needs a little distraction too. You all need distraction, and a good tea and an afternoon with friends would be good for you all. You've cried a lot since John went to war, and every night you lie awake for hours hoping he's okay. The last 6 weeks without John have been difficult for you, but he would surely be back soon. A light wind blows through your hair and your dress blows around your legs. It's your favourite dress, maybe because it hugs your body so softly, or because John gave it to you as a gift. Probably both. "Hey sweety." you hear a loud whistle, but you don't turn to the voice, it's probably just another drunk worker, of whom there are more than enough here. Emily looks over her shoulder and tenses a little, but you keep walking down the street towards your destination. "Come on ladies, don't you fancy a little fun?" You roll your eyes and quicken your pace a little, Emily grabs your hand uncertainly. She is not often in this area and is more used to socializing with other people. Suddenly someone grabs your arm and holds you tight. Angry you turn around and Emily next to you looks at the small group of men in shock and fear. "Let me go." you say and try to tear yourself away. The self-assured look of men suddenly becomes insecure. "Let go of her, that's John's girl." says one of the men. "He said he would kill anyone who touches her." The stranger lets you go. "Excuse me, Miss Shelby." “It's all right,” you say, grabbing Emily's arm and pulling her down the street. "You are John Shelby's wife?" asks Emily in shock. "His fiancée, it's a secret." Meeting this men confused you. You know John and his brothers do a few things that are not legal. But you didn't know that the Peaky Blinders are causing so much horror in Birmingham that these men would listen to his threats. What does John do when he's not with you? "You really lead a double life." says Emily, her eyes glowing with excitement. "I don't. But please don't tell anyone." "Of course not." You arrive at Pollys house, and you open the door to the betting shop, there isn't much going on inside. Polly is sitting at Tommy's desk, concentrating on a few papers. "Hello Aunt Polly." "Y / N, nice to see you." her gaze goes to Emily. "A friend of mine. We wanted to pick up Ada." Polly nods, she looks a little tired and suddenly you have a bad conscience, you haven't been here the last few days. You have a hard time being in John's home when he's not there. Everything reminds you of him and then you miss him even more. "Do you need help?" you ask "No, it's okay. Could you just take a quick look at Finn's writing practice?" "Of course." you go through the shop to the back where Polly's house is. Finn sits at the kitchen table and writes a few simple words in a messy script. "Hello little one, how is it going?" "Good. I can already write my name." he tells you proudly. Then he sees Emily. "Who is this?" he immediately asks sceptically. "A friend of mine." "That's fine then." he tries to sound older than he is, which makes you smile. You correct a few small mistakes and then send him out to play. "You will be back before the sun goes down." "Yes Sister." he calls out and then disappears out the back door. Emily looks around the small kitchen a little. "You really lead a double life." she says again. "The Shelbys are my family." "Does your real family know that?" she asks, but a slight smile plays around her lips. "No, and that's better that way. Come on." you go up the stairs and knock on Ada's door. No answer. "Ada? Ada open the door, I know you're there." you say and knock again. It takes a moment and Ada opens the door. "What do you want?" "I told you I'd come over today. Come on, get ready. We'll spend the afternoon together." Ada rolls her eyes. "But I don´t want to." "I don't care, you have 5 minutes or I'll drag you out of here in your nightgown." you try to put on Polly's stern look, but you're pretty sure you won't quite make it. Nevertheless, Ada sets herself in motion and gets ready. 20 minutes later the 3 of you are outside and let the last warm rays of sun shine on your face. And you were right, the day was really good for all of you. In the evening you accompany Emily and then Ada home. As you step into Polly's house, the smell of food envelops you. "You have perfect timing." Polly greets you. "The food is almost ready." The back door opens and Finn comes in, he's full of dirt and dust, but his eyes are bright and his cheeks are flushed from running. "Letters have come. From France. Y / N here, your name is on it." You will instantly recognize John's handwriting and your heart will skip a beat. Finn hands you the letter and when you are excited to hear from John again you pack him the bag of your dress. "You don't want to read it?" asks Polly, she's also holding a letter in her hand, with Arthur's handwriting on the envelope. "Yes, of course, but calmly. I read it at home." Polly nods, then opens Arthur's letter, her eyes darting quickly over the lines. "They are fine." she then says and then passes it on to Ada, who also quickly skims the lines. You read over her shoulder, but Arthur's handwriting is so messy that you can barely read his words. It doesn´t take long and you  all sitt at the dinner table. Finn tells a little about his adventures down by the river today. His childlike light-heartedness does not fit into the mood of the depressed and warlike mood that prevails in England, but it gives you the feeling of home and cheers you up. After dinner you help Polly clean up while Ada forces Finn to take a bath. Then you say goodbye and make your way home. "Y / N there you are finally. You missed the meal." your mother greets you. "I'm sorry, I went shopping with Emily, we forgot the time." Your mother shakes her head, but she's not really mad. "I'll ask the maid to reheat the food." "I'm not hungry. But I am very tired." Your mother had to give you a critical look. ,,Okay. Good night my child." "Good night mother. I love you." "I love you." your mother gives you a kiss on the forehead and you run up the stairs to your room. You quickly lock the door behind you and take John's letter out of your pocket.   My beloved princess, I hope you are alright and you don't miss me too much. Just a little bit, so you don't forget me. I am sorry that I will only get in touch with you now. The trip to France took longer than we all thought. I don't want to bore you with details about the war. But France is really beautiful, the landscape, the cities, the weather is also a little better than at home. It doesn't rain that much, but it's very cold. I think you would like France, maybe one day we will travel here when the war is over. I think about you all the time, about you and about our future. Tommy is joking about me, but I don't care. I wake up every morning and look forward to coming home to you. I miss you so much. How is it in England? Are Finn, Ada and Polly all right? Arthur is always in a bad mood, I think he misses the English alcohol, and France is probably too cold for him. But otherwise, he's fine, we're all fine. I'm supposed to give you best regards from Tommy and Arthur. I love you so much. And I'll see you soon, I promise I'll be back before Christmas. John   You lower the letter and take a deep breath. Even if it's total nonsense, you imagine that the letter smells a little like John. Your heart contracts painfully and you feel like you're going to throw up if he's apart from you for just a second longer. It's been the same for six weeks, you can distract yourself easily during the day, but as soon as you're alone in your room you miss him so much that it hurts. You sit down at your little desk and start writing an answer to his letter. ---   The sun shines through your curtains and blinds you a little. You blink a few times and then turn away from the sun. Your eyes still sting a little from all the tears you cried that night. Not every night is that bad, but most are. John has been in France for 3 months now, but you still miss him as much as you did on the first day. You climb out of your warm bed and get ready for the day. "Y / N, are you coming for breakfast?" your mother's voice shines through the house. You look again in the small mirror in your room, with a little make-up you don't look that tired, but you can't get rid of your tearful eyes. You quickly run down the stairs and meet your parents in the dining room. The maid has already set the table and prepared breakfast. Like every morning, your father has disappeared behind his newspaper and your mother is trying to have a casual conversation. But you're too tired and too sad to play the happy girl you were a few weeks ago. Before John left. "Are you coming to my office today after school? The books need to be checked." asks your father after reading the newspaper. "Yes of course." not even your favorite task is giving you anticipation. You go to nursing school because your mother wanted it, but only on the condition that you can still help in your father's office. You love numbers and math. "Actually, I had thought that Y / N would not go to school today and would spend the day with me instead." your mother interferes. "We hardly have mother daughter time because she has so much to do with school, then the study group and the practical hours in the hospital." There is neither a study group, nor practical hours in the hospital, they were all excuses to be able to spend more time with the Shelbys. "All right, but then tomorrow." says your father and you nod. After you've finished the family breakfast, your father goes to work. Your mother puts a cup of tea in front of you and looks at you carefully. You are uncomfortable with her look. "Who is the father?" "What?" you ask in surprise. "Who is the father Y / N?" your mother's voice sounds very calm and she smiles at you understandingly. "What are you talking about?" you ask, you have no idea what she means. "You are tired all the time, but you sleep a lot, you look a little bloated and your pain pills in the bathroom are still full. So you didn't get your monthly bleeding. Who is the father?" You feel your heart start beating faster in your chest, you didn't even notice. You were so busy with school, taking care of Finn and missing John that you didn't even notice. Are you pregnant? That can't really be. You notice how tears well up in your eyes as you sink onto the soft sofa in the living room. Your mother is by your side and hugs you. "That can't be. It was only once." "That's enough dear." says your mother and then sighs. "So the father, who is it and will he marry you?" Your hand goes to the engagement ring hanging on a chain around your neck. ,,Yes. He promised. As soon as he comes back from France. " Your mother sighs again. "That can take a while." "No, he said he'd be back soon, before Christmas." You can see in your mother's eyes that she doesn't believe it. Still she smiles. "Will you tell me his name?" You swallow once and look down at your hands. Even if she's not mad just yet, she will be as soon as she knows that John is the father. How many times has she told you stay away from the Shelbys? They are not good company, they will ruin you, they will drag you into their criminal activities. Your mother had told you all this so many times. "John Shelby." you whisper and now the tears are running down your cheeks. Your mother gets up in one quick motion. "That gypsy!" she pronounces it like a swear word. "Mom please. I'm so sorry, I didn't want this to happen." "Did he force you?" "What no! Of course not, he loves me and I love him. And we will get married as soon as he is back in England. He promised that." "Men promise a lot if they want under your skirt. I thought I taught you that." ,,Mom please. He loves me.” Your mother sighs. "Did he tell you that?” "Yes! And that he will marry me. And that we are a family." you answer and cross your arms stubbornly over your chest. "Men lie! Believe me, they all lie." "Not John. Mama believe me, he loves me. And we're engaged." "Another lie, he won't marry you. Please believe me, men like him get bored of women easily." "You don't even know him. He's a good man and he won't be bored with me, we've been together for years." "What?" asks your mother in surprise. "We've been together for years, secretly. Because you and Dad would never have accepted him. Although you don't even know him, he's a gypsy who cares? But he's also friendly, loving and good. And his family treat me like I'm one of them already. The Shelbys are good people, please believe me. " Your mother takes a few deep breaths and is silent for a long time. "He's living with his aunt right?" You nod. "I want to speak to her." your mother gets up and rings the bell for the maid. "Please get our coats, we're going out." "You want to meet Polly? Right now?" you ask in surprise, you would have expected your mother to scream and be angry, but definitely not that. "Yes." The maid brings your coats and you make your way to Watery Lane. Your mother's gaze is sceptical of the run-down houses, the children walking barefoot across the street and the drunk workers. "Nice environment." she snippets off. "Can you please not be so biased?" "I'll try." You keep walking down the street, a few of the men glare at you and your mother grabs her expensive coat tighter. But you don't worry, in the last few months you've realized just how big the influence of the Peaky Blinders is in Birmingham. Everyone respects John and his brothers, and their word applies even when they are far away in France. "You don't have to be afraid." "Here you will be robbed if you look the wrong way." "Yeah, maybe, but we don't." "And why are you so sure about that?" "Trust me." You arrive at Polly's house and you open the door. Immediately you feel at home. "Y / N!" Finn yells and comes running towards you. He jumps into your arms and hugs you tightly. "Finn, not so stormy." you say, but you also hug him. In the past few weeks you've always been too tired to really play with him, and of course the little boy noticed that. Since Finn doesn't know how to deal with the new situation and no one has taught him how to express his feelings properly, he reacts either angry or clingy. You're glad he's clinging to you today. "Mum, may I introduce you. Finn Shelby, John's brother. Finn, this is my mother." you introduce the two of them, your mother holds out a hand to Finn, but he only tilts his head. "You have to shake her hand." you say softly and nudge Finn. He nods and grabs your mother's hand with his dirty little hand to give her a quick shake. "Is Aunt Polly here?" "In the shop." "Will you get her please? And then go upstairs." "But.." "Do not discuss with me." you say in a stern tone. You don't want to be mean or dismissive to him. But you're too tense to care for his feelings at this moment. You have no idea why your mother would want to talk to Polly and to be honest you're terrified. Finn rolls his eyes, but then turns to get Polly. Polly enters the small kitchen. "Y/N, what happened? Lot to do today." she stops when she sees your mother standing next to you. Polly closes the door to the betting shop behind her and forces a smile on her face. "Mrs. Y/L/N. How can I help you?" "Your nephew got my daughter pregnant." your mother says with suppressed anger in her voice. Polly doesn't react at all surprised, she just nods slightly. "I know." "Since when?" you ask shocked. "About a week. I read your tea leaves. It will be a healthy girl." At her words, a strange feeling of happiness and calm washes over you, even if it doesn't completely replace the panic. "Gypsy nonsense" spits out your mother. "It's not that. Did you just come to insult my family or is there anything else I can help you with?" Polly now asks your mother and you admire her self-confidence once again. Your mother is used to always being treated with kindness and respect, and because of her family and her good marriage, she is used to getting what she wants. "I'll take Y/N to a doctor in London tomorrow, after that the problem will be solved and I don't want any more contact between my daughter and your nephew." "The two are engaged, I can hardly forbid John the contact with his future wife." "Oh please! We both know that this marriage will never happen. We both know that John will never marry my daughter, he never intended to, all he wanted was someone to warm his bed. " You want to yell your mother that John will keep his word and that he loves you. But Polly is faster. "Get out of my house! I will not have you slander the honesty and honor of my nephew and my entire family with your lies. John is a good man, he will keep his word and he loves Y/N . If you accept that, you're welcome back here, not until then." "Gypsy pack." says your mother. "Y/N, come on, let's go home, there's a lot to do until tomorrow." "No!" you say and take a few steps away from your mother. "I won't come with you, and I won't go to London tomorrow either." You put your hand protectively on your flat stomach, even if you can't imagine that a small person is really growing in it. "You have no choice Y/N! What do you think happens? Do you think you can stay here? And wait for John to come back and then you get married and live happily ever after?" your mother's tone is taunting, but you don't care. "Yes! That's exactly how it will be." you know yourself that you sound naive. But you know that John loves you and that you will be a family. Your mother shakes her head. "Fine, make that decision! But don´t come back when you're out on the street in a few weeks." she throws another disparaging look in the direction of Polly and then disappears from the small kitchen. As the door closes behind her, tears begin to fall from your eyes, even though you can't really believe what just happened, even if you can't believe your mother just really let you down. Polly is quickly at your side and hugs you. "Take it easy dear, everything will be fine. Don't get upset, it's not good for your child." "I don't know what to do now." you bring out tears. Polly strokes your hair soothingly. "First you stop crying, then I want you to get some rest and then we'll see, alright?" you nod "Well, then go up to John's room and get some sleep, I'll tell some of the Blinders to get your things from your parents' house." "No! My mother will freak out if the Peaky Blinders show up at her door. She'll call the police." Polly sighs. "Maybe you're right. There are only the younger ones here and I really don't have time for problems with the police right now." she thinks aloud. "I still have a few things here." you say weak "That will be enough until everyone has calmed down and until John is back." your voice sounds hopeful, as soon as John comes back in a few weeks everything will be fine. Polly nods. "All right, we'll take care of that later. Rest now." You nod and leave the kitchen to go up the stairs to John's room, when you've just reached the stairs Polly calls after you. "And of course you won't end up on the streets, no matter what happens here you will always have a home." Polly's words bring tears to your eyes. "Thank you Aunt Polly."   You sleep most of the afternoon and only wake up when Ada knocks on the door and sticks her head in the room. "Can I come in?" "Yes." you sit up a bit in bed, Ada slips out of her shoes and sits next to you on the mattress. "Polly told me everything. How are you?" "I don't know. I'm scared and I'm sad about my mother's behaviour, but at the same time I've never been happier in my life. I'm having a baby! A real little human. I want to believe that everything will be fine. " "It will be for sure! John will be home soon and so will Tommy and Arthur and then everything will be like before." says Ada. "Freddie will come home then." you say and lightly nudge Ada in the side, she sighs. "I haven't gotten a single letter yet. And he said not to write to him, he doesn't want Tommy to find out." Now you have to sigh too and take Ada in your arms. "It'll be all right. You said he said he loves you." "But men lie." "You sound like my mother." Ada grimaces. "Don't say something that horrible." she then says with a slight laugh. "Polly says your mother was pretty mean." her tone becomes serious again and this time you sigh. "She practically threw me out of the family." you reply, you want it not to matter to you, but it doesn't. It hit you hard. Ada rubs your back. "She's coming to her senses." she then says. "And besides, now you really are my sister." she tries to cheer you up. "What did I do to deserve this?" "Hey." Ada nudges you lightly in the ribs, not as hard as she used to, but gently. Like you're fragile, even if you're not. But now a little human is growing inside you, and that little human is fragile and weak. You must protect him, whatever the cost. "Everything is going to be alright." you say, more to you and your child than to Ada, but she nods anyway. "Would you like to help me in the kitchen, or do you want to rest?" ask her after you've been silent for a while. "I'm rested, I'm happy to help you."   In the early evening Finn comes home completely dirty, you send him to bathe first and then start to heat up the food with Ada's help. Polly closes the betting shop for the day and then joins Ada and you. "How are you Y/N?" she asks first. "I'm better, I slept a little." Polly nods and smiles at you, then she goes to help Finn and a short time later they are all eating together. But domestic peace does not last long. Your father comes barging into Polly's house. "Y/N!" he yells. "How could you be so irresponsible? Your mother told me everything. You don't really think I'll let you get away with this stupid idea, do you? A gypsy in our family? Never! You're coming home with me right now and tomorrow morning I'll drive you personally to London to see Dr. Conner." Your father is walking towards you, your whole body is rigid with fear, you have never seen your father so angry. Finn jumps up from his chair and stands in your father's way. "No! Y/N stays here with us, she's family." You don't know who told Finn everything, or maybe he's just getting more than you think. "Get out of my way kid, who do you think you are?" "I'm the man of the house! And I take care of the women and the business." he says, he can't help the trembling in his voice, but you're so proud of him that it doesn't matter. Your father looks at Finn confused and angry, the vein in his throat throbbing violently under his skin. "You heard the boy." Polly says, unbeknownst to you and Ada, she has drawn her gun and is now tapping it on the kitchen table. "Get out of my house. Like your wife, you are not welcome back here until you can talk to us in a reasonable and civilized manner about the future. Until then, have a good day, Mr. Y/L/N." To your surprise, your father leaves the house without saying another word. "Eat on children, otherwise the food will get cold." Polly says after a moment and puts the gun back in her skirt pocket. "You did well Finn." The little one is beaming with pride, he has done his job as Arthur told him to do. You and Ada also start picking at your food again, even if you're not hungry you have to eat for your baby. ---   You won't hear a word from your parents for the next few days. You're trying to get into a normal daily routine. You go to nursing school, do the shopping and take care of Finn with Ada, even if you realize that it all costs you more energy than before and you often sleep a few hours before eating. It takes you over a week to sit down and write a letter to John.   My dear John,   I hope you're doing well, I hope you're all doing well. I miss you so terribly. But I also have news. Good news I think, at least that's what Polly says all the time. I wish I could look you in the eye and deliver this message to you personally, but unfortunately I can't. I'm pregnant, we're going to have a little baby. I don't know if you're happy or not, I hope you are. I hope it's good news for you too. My parents are very angry, not only because of the pregnancy, but also because they know about us now. About us and our engagement. Father was very angry, I think he would have liked to get on the next train to go to France to put a bullet in your head. I hope he comes to terms with the new situation. Mom wanted me to have an abortion, but I want to have this child even though we're not married yet. I'm staying with Polly now. It's okay, although I'm saddened by my parents' reaction. But everything will be fine. Once you're home everything will be fine. I know that! I just hope you'll be with me again soon. I can't wait to see you again.   We're waiting for you at home.   Love Y/N     Polly will make sure the letter gets to the post office the same day. You're nervous about John's answer, but deep in your heart you know that everything will be fine.   ---   The next few weeks go by far too quickly, your belly is growing all the time and it's becoming difficult to hide it under loose clothing. On a Tuesday afternoon, after your class, the director of the school comes up to you. "Miss Y/L/N." you startle, but you smile. "How can I help you sir?" his stern gaze doesn't soften for a second, he first looks at you, then his gaze goes to your stomach and then to your finger, on which the engagement ring is stretched but no wedding ring yet. In that second you know he knows and you swallow the lump in your throat. "Your tuition has not been paid so I have spoken to your father and he has clarified your situation to me. I hereby inform you that you are no longer welcome at my school. Have a nice day." with that he turns away and leaves you standing. You feel tears welling up in your eyes, but you swallow them and turn to leave. You just want to get out of here. Emily slips past you, when she sees your face she stops. "Y/N, what happened?" ask her worried. "Nothing." you say, but your voice trembles way too much. Emily doesn't believe you. She grabs your hand. "You're lying, tell me what's going on." her voice is soft, but you still shake your head. "Believe me, you don't want to be seen with me." you say, break free and just run away. As you enter Polly's house, you finally let the tears roll down your cheeks. Ada looks at you, startled. "What happened? Is something wrong? Is something wrong with the baby?" she asks immediately. "The baby is fine." you say quickly to calm her down. You didn't want to scare her. "I was kicked out of school. My father stopped paying and told the principal everything. Of course they don't want unmarried pregnant women at their school." Ada hugs you. "What assholes." "Don't curse in front of the baby." you say softly which makes Ada giggle. "I try it." You wipe the tears from your face and try a smile. "It's not that bad, I never wanted to be a nurse anyway." you say and carefully stroke your growing belly with one hand. Even if you never wanted to become a nurse, you enjoyed the training and it was a nice feeling to have something of your own, to be able to learn. But because of your pregnancy, that's being taken away from you now. It's unfair, the whole world is unfair. But then you have to think about the little baby growing inside you and you know it's worth all this trouble. You would go through hell for your little baby and it's not even born yet. "Letters have come from France." says Ada suddenly. "Why don't you say that directly?" you say, all sadness and anger is suddenly forgotten. "I thought it was something with the baby." Ada takes a letter and holds it out to you. You immediately recognize John's handwriting and rip the letter out of Ada's hand, but when you try to open it your hands are shaking too much. "What if he wants an abortion." you say in a toneless voice. "We're still so young, and don't get married either." Adam sighs. "I don't think so. But you have to read the letter for it. I can stay here and hold your hand if you want." You nod and sit down next to Ada on the small sofa. Her warm hand encloses yours and you carefully open the letter.   My beloved wife,   I know this is a difficult time for you, but nothing in my life has ever made me happier than reading that you are pregnant. I don't care that your parents hate me, but I'm sorry you're suffering. I wish I could do something. Maybe your parents will forgive us once we're married, after all we're family then. I miss you so much my princess. I just think about you and our little baby all the time. When I come home we'll get married and I'll buy a house and we'll be a real little family. Just that thought makes me happier than I've ever been in my life. You're my reason to stay alive and come home and now you've given me another reason, I swear I'm coming home to you and our baby. I'll be back before the baby comes and I'll hold your hand during the birth, I promise.   I love you. your husband John     His words lighten your heart and are all that keeps you going for the next few months. You can no longer hide your stomach under baggy clothes and you notice people's looks. They look at you like an outcast, some even shouting snide remarks after you. You try to ignore it, but you find it difficult. You write a letter to your mother asking her to come visit you. But she doesn't answer you. Ada tries to cheer you up all the time, but she doesn't succeed. You're sitting in the living room with Finn, practicing reading with him, when there's a knock and Emily enters. "Hello Y/N. I hope it's okay that I visit you." You nod, surprised that she is coming to visit you, but she sits down next to you and smiles kindly. "Everybody talks at school. They say you got pregnant and now the Shelbys are forcing you to have the baby. Some also say that Polly put a gypsy curse on your family." she says calmly. "I'm sorry." You don't know what to say and just nod. "How are you? What does the doctor say? Is the child healthy?" "I'm fine. I miss John and yes the baby is fine. The doctor says he's a bit big for his age so it's probably going to be a boy but Polly swears it's going to be a girl. I am it doesn't matter, I just want the baby to be healthy and for John to come home." "Would you like to go into town a little, maybe for some tea? I invite you." Emily still looks at you kindly and you nod. Distraction would certainly do you good. So the two of you hit the road and spend a relaxing time together, Emily shielding you from most looks, she doesn't seem to care that you're pregnant and unmarried. She seems like a really good friend. "I often get letters from my brother, he says it's terrible in France. He says war makes frightened children out of the best men. He says soldiers are dying like flies in summer." You set the tea aside, sickened at the thought that John might die. Emily catches your gaze. "Oh my god Y/N! I'm so sorry I wasn't thinking. Isn't John writing you?" "Yes, often. Just not about the war. He writes that he misses me and that he loves me. And he writes that he is happy about our child." you answer. Emily nods. "I didn't mean to make you sad. John is in a different unit, so maybe it's not so bad for him." "Yes, perhaps." you answer and try to find your good mood again. It's late when Emily escorts you home, the sun has set and the streets are dark ahead of you. Suddenly you hear a whistling from the side and three drunk men come towards you. Not again! Somehow Emily and you attract bad luck. "Nah sweethearts. Why so late on the road?" says a man, but you ignore him and walk on. But of course the men stand in your way. "Come on honey, I can see you're just a stupid whore. After all, you got yourself pregnant and that without a husband." his cold hand grabs your arm and you try to pull away. "Leave her alone." Emily intervenes, but she is held by another man. You panic, but you try to stay calm. Suddenly a loud bang cuts through the evening silence. You jump, startled, and only when the man collapses in front of you do you realize that the bang was a shot. The other men stare in horror at their friend, who is bleeding on the floor. "Nobody touch this woman! By order of the Peaky Blinders." Jeremiah Jesus is standing across the street, stowing his gun. He'd been in France for the last year, you know that. You didn't know he came back already and you didn't know he was in the Peaky Blinders. "Go home now." he says to you and Emily. You nod and then start walking. The shock is still deep, Jeremiah had just shot a man for you, on the orders of the Peaky Pictures. By order of John. Your whole body is shaking when you and Emily come home. "So much excitement is not good for the baby." Emily keeps saying, you can see from her pale face and her trembling hands that the whole situation upset her too. "Let's never talk about this again." you say in a cold voice and stroke your stomach. You are safe now, John saved you. That's the only thing you want to think about right now.   ---   John's next letter contains not only declarations of love and promises that he will be back soon, but also a list of children's names. You read through this list a hundred times and talk to Ada about which name she likes. "You don't have to worry about boy names. It's going to be a girl." says Polly with a slight smile on her face. "But the doctors say it will be a boy." or so you say. "The doctors are wrong my child." Polly strokes your hair once and then makes her way back to the kitchen. Finn runs into the living room and jumps on Ada's lap. "What are you doing?" he asks. "We're thinking of a name for your nephew or nephew." "For John and Y/N Baby?" "Right." you say. "I'm looking forward to the baby." Finn says. You kiss his head. "I'm looking forward to the baby too." you say and smile at the little boy. "Would you like to read us something?" asks Ada. Finn thinks for a moment. "I can't read very well yet." "That's not true. You read great, please." "OK." Finn jumps up and gets one of his exercise books. He really can't read very well, but it's Ada's and your job to boost his confidence and support him. You lean back on the small sofa while Finn reads, stuttering. You're incredibly tired again, but you're trying to stay awake. There is an incredible stillness in this moment and you look forward to your future life as Shelby. With John by your side and your little baby. He'll be home soon and he promised to hold your hand when your baby is born.   ---   John didn't keep his promise. When your water bursts you are alone with Ada and Polly, the men are still far away in France. You've never been in pain like this, the birth drags on for hours and you curse John for doing this to you and for not being here now. At the same time, you want nothing more than to hold his hand. But he's not with you, so you hold Ada's hand and cry with her. But when you hold the little bundle in your arms, everything is forgotten. There's nothing more important than your little girl and that she's okay. "She looks healthy and strong." says Polly. "You did well dear. I'm proud of you." You want to write John a letter right away, but you're too weak, you can't even sit properly by yourself. Besides, you'd have to let your daughter out of your arms and that's the last thing you want. "I can write him a letter." Polly says and you nod. "Please hurry, it's supposed to be out in the mail today. John must know we're fine." Polly nods with a smile and brushes a strand of sweaty hair away from your face. "I will write immediately." she says in a soft voice. "Sleep a little now, the birth was exhausting for you." "But.." "No but Y/N. Your daughter is sleeping anyway, and Ada can watch out for that." "I will not leave your side." Ada says, sitting next to you on the edge of the bed. "I'll take care of you and the little one." "Her name is Katie." you say in a low voice. You try hard not to fall asleep, even if your eyes keep falling. "That's a beautiful name." says Ada. "Sleep now Y/N. It's all good." Ada says soothing words and it doesn't take long for you to fall asleep.   You always thought John was the love of your life and nothing could replace him in your heart. But the second you looked into your daughter's eyes for the first time, you knew that John would be number two in your heart. You have never felt such unconditional love. Polly and the doctors say your little girl is doing well. And you couldn't be prouder of her. Your new favourite activity is watching Katie all day long.   Finn never leaves your side, he loves his nephew and takes care of her as best he can. Even though Katie takes up all of your attention and time, you try to take care of Finn as much as possible. You don't want him to feel replaced by Katie and get jealous of the little girl.   It takes about two weeks for John's reply to come from France.   My beloved wife, I'm begging you, never let Polly write a letter for you again. When I saw her handwriting and not yours, my heart almost stopped, I thought I lost you. Please don't ever do this to me again. But nothing in my life has made me happier than to read that our little girl is born. I'm sorry I couldn't be with you. I know I promised, but the war is still going on and unfortunately there is no end in sight. I never thought I'd be gone for so long. I'm sorry. I hope that I can come home soon. I miss you and our little girl even though I haven't met her yet. I'm also supposed to give you congratulations from Tommy and Arthur. They are also looking forward to getting to know our little girl soon. I hope you are doing well and you are happy.   I love you and Katie. Please tell her every day that her father loves her.   John   ---   One afternoon, you've just laid Katie down, there's a knock on the door. Polly is in the shop and Ada is shopping, so you answer the door. Your mother is in front of you. "Mom?" you ask surprised and let her into the little house. "Hello my child." says your mother, she looks around the little house a little bit, she seems out of place but she smiles at you. You don't know exactly what she wants from you. "I heard you had your baby." she says. "Yes. A girl, her name is Katie." you say. Your mother smiles and her eyes gather tears. "May I meet her?" "She sleeps." you answer. You feel the need to hug your mother and cry. But you're still angry anyway. You needed her and she wasn't there. "Y/N. My dear child. I'm so sorry. I know I reacted wrongly. I was just so angry that you didn't listen to me and kept your relationship with that Shelby boy a secret from me. And then the pregnancy, without marriage." "I know I shouldn't have kept it a secret from you. But I didn't know what else to do. Mom, I love John and he loves me. You and Dad would never have accepted the relationship and sent me away." Your mother sighs. "I understand you. It took time but I understand you now. And when I heard your baby was here my only thought was that I missed the birth and how sorry I was that I wasn't there for you. I know you needed me. I can never make it up to you. But please Y/N. I want to be a part of your life again and I want to be a part of my grandchild's life too." "Her name is Katie." "A beautiful name." You sigh and then you jump over your shadow and hug your mother. All your feelings are boiling over, the strain with Katie, the heartbreak for John, that he miss the first year of his daughters life and missing your mother. You don't want to be mad at her. You love her. "I like to watch Katie sleep. Would you like to sit with me?" "Of course. Thank you." You quietly go up the narrow staircase to John's room, which is now more yours and Katie's room. Your mother quietly enters the room behind you, her eyes immediately go to the small cot. Your little girl is sleeping peacefully. Tears come to your mother's eyes when she sees Katie for the first time. "She is beautiful." she whispers and grabs your hand. "She looks like you when you were little. Only the nose is different." "She has John's eyes too." you answer quietly. You spent hours looking at Katie, looking for similarities to you and John. You sit on the edge of the bed, your mother stands by the cot and looks down at the baby. There is only love in her eyes and you are so relieved that your mother has forgiven you. But you also know your father didn't. Otherwise he would be here and your mother wouldn't have come during his working hours. You know she's here secretly without her saying it. You don't know how much time has passed, but you hear Polly downstairs in the kitchen. She now closes the betting shop for a few hours in the afternoon. Enough customers only come in the evening, so that it wouldn’t be worthwhile to open the Shop the whole day. Katie slowly starts to wake up and cry. She is hungry. Immediately you are at her bed and pick her up. "I have to feed her." you say, your mother looks at you and you can see in her eyes that she is proud of you. "I have to apologize to Ms Shelby." your mother whispers, turning away from you and Katie. you nod "She's downstairs." Your mother takes a deep breath and then leaves the small room. You'd love to be part of the conversation, but priority is now on Katie. With her in your arms you sit down on the old bed and start breastfeeding her. When Katie is full, you wrap her diaper and then go down the stairs with her in your arms. In the kitchen, Polly and your mother are having a cup of tea and seem to be talking peacefully. When you enter the room, they both look up. A smile appears on Polly's face as always when she sees Katie. She stretches out her arms and you put the little girl in her arms. She immediately starts babbling happily as she lies in Polly's arms. Your mother looks at Polly with a sad smile, you know she would love to hold Katie too, but to Katie she is a stranger and you are not sure how your baby will react. "Your mother apologized to me." Polly says to you as you pour yourself a cup of tea. "She is now welcome back in our house." You're relieved to hear that. "Thank you Aunt Polly." then you turned to your mother. "Father doesn't know you're here right?" "I'm sorry. He's still mad, he says he doesn't have a daughter anymore." Actually, you would have thought that you would start crying now, but all you do is nod and pet your daughter's head. It's his bad luck if he doesn't want to meet your little miracle. "Would you like to hold her?" Your mother's eyes well up again. "Yes of course." You nod and Polly carefully hands Katie to your mother. Katie looks at your mother skeptically. "This is my mom. Your grandma." you whisper and kiss her head. Katie grabs your mother's finger and holds it tight. Now tears are running down your mother's cheeks. "Hi Katie. Nice to meet you. I'm sorry it took so long." she whispers. From that day on, your mother will come to Watery Lane at least once a week, bringing something with her each time. Dresses, hats and toys for Katie, coats for you, Ada and Polly. Even books for Finn. Sometimes she slips a little money in your skirt pocket. "We don't need the money." you say, even if it's a lie. "I know, but I want to support you. Please let me do that for you." When your mother is with you, she never mentions your father, but you've come to terms with the fact that your father will hate you forever. For the so-called mistake you made, but you wouldn't give up on Katie for the world, she's not a mistake, she's the greatest happiness of your life. The only thing missing from your life now is John.   Katie starts crawling without meeting her father. Katie starts walking without knowing her father. Katie stutters her first words, she says “Mama”. And even if at this moment your heart is overflowing with happiness and love, you would like to start crying because John is not here to hear her first word.   ---   Autumn is slowly coming to an end and it is getting colder and colder. You wrap yourself in your coat while you carry the groceries home. A cold wind whistles around your ears and you are glad when you finally step into the warm house. Finn and Katie run towards you immediately. "Y/N, Katie is stealing my toys." says Finn and clings to your legs. You place the heavy basket of groceries on the table and bend down to the ten-year-old. He has long been too heavy for you to pick him up. "Ada says I can." says Katie, you brush her blond curls away from her face. "Share the toys." you suggest. "I don't want to share with her though, she's still a baby." says Finn. You sigh "You're right Finn. But if a baby wants to play with your toys, doesn't that mean you're too old for them?" you ask and tilt your head. Finn thinks for a moment. "You're right, I'm too old for toys like that." he says and hands Katie the carved wooden horse. "These are toys for babies." Katie doesn't care, she grabs the horse and hugs it to her chest like it's her greatest treasure, she knows the little wooden horse used to belong to her father. Suddenly the door behind you flies open and Ada storms into the kitchen. The newspaper in her hand. "The war is over. They're coming home." Tears run down her cheeks and she laughs with joy. "They're finally coming home."

This isn’t “goodbye”, this is simply “see you later” - Series Masterlist

Part 1: Goodbye my lover 

Part 2: Without you

Part 3: cooming soon

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