Send Me To Mars With Party Supplies Before Next August 5th

Send me to Mars with party supplies before next august 5th

Alright, I've had a few people ask for this now so time to take a break from the big draft I’m writing to dig a little deeper on angel rankings in relation to Crowley.

Before we get into it I want to preface this by saying I am not a religious scholar. Like many of us I have a complicated relationship with religion and as a result this stuff was a long time special interest of mine but, as always, take it with a grain of salt.

To be frank, even if I was an expert, I think it’s also important to keep in mind that the Good Omens angel hierarchy has already taken some liberties on its own. It hasn’t been shy about reinterpreting things to suit its needs or about pulling from various sources to establish its own lore. It's definitely its own beast and there's no guarantee the universe operates the same rules that have become the most popular ones.

That all being said, let's get cracking.

So in canon we actually don't know that much about angelic rank. Before season two we knew there were Principalities and Archangels and that's about it. This season decides to give us a little more information. Muriel is a Scrivener (likely they'd fall under the general Angel category) and then we get a nod to Thrones and Dominions being a thing. We also learn there are orders/classes of various ranks.

With the exception of Scrivener which isn't a traditional rank at all as far as I can tell, these ideas all fit under the traditional Christian angel hierarchy.

The most influential version of this hierarchy comes mostly from Dionysius the Pseudo-Areopagite's De Coelesti Hierarchia (On Celestial Hierarchy). He divides angels into three Spheres, with three Orders within each Sphere. The Lowest Sphere contains the orders Angels, archangels (different from Good Omen's Archangels who are at the top of the food chain so to speak), and Principalities. The Middle Sphere contains the orders Powers, Virtues, and Dominions. And then the Highest Sphere contains Thrones, Cherubim, and Seraphim.

Now onto the angel that would become Crowley.

Thanks to us witnessing Crowley opening a document only accessible to Dominions and above, we can eliminate the lower half of these rankings.

This leaves us with Dominions, Thrones, Cherubim, Seraphim and the Good Omen’s version of Archangel.

Dominions are tied to things like regulation. Their job is to keep passions in check and deliver justice and judgment (to be frank these last two are in some capacity apply to most rankings of angel), They’re built to keep ranks beneath them organized and optimize their performances. They’re organizers. They’re functionally middle management and are sometimes known as Lordships. They’re also occasionally tied to the set of angels that destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. 

The really only thing that even kind of suits him here in my opinion is the interacting with lower ranks bit but the vibe doesn't seem quite right with that. Crowley as we know him is not even really a leader even in his own schemes and has a tendency to rely on his considerable talent at improvisation and quite frequently on the cues Aziraphale tends to send him. (We get a stellar example of this dynamic actively in play in Episode 2 this Season). We also know now that the angel in question tended to work alone. He seemed baffled by the concept of Earth, as if it had been a long time since he’d had a check in with Head Office. 

So Thrones are what people tend to think of when you say the phrase Biblically Accurate Angel. They're the wheels with a bunch of eyeballs. They contemplate the power of God and have, you guessed it, ties to justice and judgment but in a more contemplative sort of way. They are associated with peace and submission, except for when they are sometimes also associated with the erelim - a ranking in the Jewish Hierarchy that tends to be more of a warrior class. They're maybe most famously associated with being a part of the chariot that moves God's throne around. They live where material form begins to take shape and are tasked with maintaining cosmic harmony.

Honestly I don't mind this for Crowley. That last bit especially sounds close to what we see him doing. And there's something very fun to me about a former Throne going off and getting himself a big gaudy throne. I’ll admit I have a hard time associating him with something so passive and again I feel like it doesn't quite fit how out of the loop he was about Earth, but this is probably the second favorite option of mine here.

If Thrones are the wheels of God’s Throne then the Cherubim are the ones making those wheels turn. They’re often represented as pushing Thrones about and attending God directly. Their job is to magnify God’s glory and serve as representatives of God’s power. They also, notably, were thought to be the superhumanly strong guards tasked with the protection of Eden.

Because of this we get a very old piece of theory: that Aziraphale was a Cherub who had been demoted. I’ve gone through phases with this theory but I definitely think it’s at a minimum fun to consider. And though I'm hesitant to take any Amazon promotional materials too seriously during the strike, there's a post here they've made recently that refers to Aziraphale as such.

Partially because this theory is so old and so rooted in the lexicon of my headspace for this media, I don't like this for the angel who would become Crowley particularly well. Superhuman strength feels weird in regards to him, as does situating him as a guard of Eden. And even if that line from season 2 where Crowley talks to Beelzebub about scaring that cherubs was talking about young angels and not literal cherubs, it seems like a weird phrasing for someone who was once the other kind of cherub to use. I like this better than Dominions but not nearly as much as Thrones.

Now Seraphim are a little unique. Their primary job tends to get framed as singing praise to God. They seat themselves around God's throne and sing holy, holy, holy at God. Several interpretations of them argue that they are different from angels entirely and only got grouped in with them in later texts like De Coelesti Hierarchia. They purify Isaiah in a vision he has and have strong associations with smoke and heat. They're tied to clarity and purifying via fire and occasionally are thought to help keep the world in order. Interestingly enough the word Seraph comes from saraph which means to burn and Seraphim can be translated as the fiery ones or those who kindle. Saraph is also used in certain contexts to describe a fiery flying serpent.

Now I’ll admit the Seraphim theory was always one of my favorites. If the show hadn’t recently been adding more ticks to the Archangel column I think I’d still probably be in this camp. There's the obvious bits that tie in here like the fire and snake imagery associated with both. But I can't help but to think of how often we get Crowley implying that just maybe God intended what they'd done to be the right thing. Or that scene where Crowley prays on the throne in season 1. He hangs off of it instead of sitting and begs God to not destroy them. It's an echo of a twist on what a Seraph would do in Heaven.

Now that just leaves us the Archangels. I won’t reiterate my other meta other than to link it here, but I do think the show at the very least wants us to consider this as a possibility.

In my opinion? Seraph and Archangel sit near the top of the metaphorical likelihood scale. I'd then follow this up with the Throne, then the Cherub, then the Dominion in order. But who knows! Half the fun of Good Omens is it doesn't always play by the traditional rules. And honestly there's something fun in never having an answer here. After all, no matter where he started, Crowley is Crowley now and that's the way it should be.

In 0.5 seconds and without saying a single word, Michael Sheen changed lives.

This was the bitchiest bitch moment Aziraphale had in all 2 seasons. Thank you for your service, respectfully, I am deceased.

Crowley is Lucifer

(Ok I know some of you don't believe this theory but I highly suggest you give this a quick read anyway. I tried to make it short and easy and I'll be going chronologically, from s1 all through s2)

- First, let's get this out of the way, Lucifer and Satan aren't neccesarilly the same person. Even in the show the devil that appeared in s1 has only ever been reffered to as Satan, not even once as Lucifer.

- In the bible Lucifer was the one to tempt Eve with the apple, and who do we know that does that in the show. Crowley is literally THE snake from Eden.

- An obvious one perhaps, but the red hair is also a giveaway

- In the bible Jesus was tempted by the devil for 30 days, in the show Crowley says "I showed him all the kingdoms of the world", so that's another role Lucifer has that Crowley had in the show

- It's well known (even mentioned in the Sandman) that Lucifer was the most beautiful of all angels, and our demon is played by no other than David Tennant

Now on to season 2 because there's a LOT to unpack here

- He litterally started the engine of the universe which was one of Lucifers roles

- He's the first to say "let there be light", which is pretty fucking huge since that is Gods line

- "I worked closely with upstairs on it" even in the first scene they're telling us Crowley is an angel of very very high rank

- He fell for asking questions, which is litterally what Lucifer fell for, for questioning God. This in and of itself should be a pretty big indicator. "I only ever asked questions"

- Shax: "a miracle of enourmous power only the mightiest of archangels can perform"

Crowley: "How do you know I didn't do it"

And Shax just... doesn't counter that. She looks even skeptical, as if it COULD be a possibility, unlike Uriel who says to Aziraphale don't excpect us to believe you did it. Shax litterally doesn't shut the option down which confirms Crowley has the power not only of an archangel but of the mightiest kind

- In the bookshop with Gabriel/Jim he says "I don't remember. It [gravity] seemed like a good idea when we were all talking about it"

- "You're welcome to come in, you might even spot an archangel" don't tell me this was Crowley just egging Shax on and not being sneaky

- The fact that he could sense the demons coming. "Somethings wrong""It's coming in waves", when Aziraphale couldn't. It could be a demon thing but we saw Sandalphon, an archangel of lower rank, in the first season mention "something smells evil" so obviously angels can sense demons too, they just have to be powerful enough. And keep in mind Sandalphon was already in the book shop for quite some time, Crowley sensed them even before they had arrived (he also sensed the hell hound who was some fucking miles away)

- The.fucking.folder. "You have to be a throne or dominion above" and this dude opens these clasified documents like it's nothing. If this isn't an indicator of his high position as an angel I don't know what is.

- He's worked with Saraqael, another very high ranking angel

- "I'm the only first order archangel in the room"... and the camera imediately pans to Crowley, and for anyone who's read the book and watched the show you know that rarely anything is coincidental

- When the Metatron says they can't lose another prince of heaven. This... this fucking line. So it's relatively well known that Gabriel and Lucifer are brothers, and if Gabriel is one of the princes of heaven I wonder who the other one could be. "Two princes of heaven". And the Metatrons words were very careful, he doesn't say lost as in heaven can't find him, he says it in the context that they won't be sending Gabriel to hell since they won't lose another prince to downstairs

- In the bookshop when no one can identify the Metatron he turns to Crowley who imediately recognises him. Now you have this dude, who's literally on top of the angel hierarchy and is responsible for running heaven and the connection to God themself, surrounded by archangels and a principality you spoke to face to face with just a few years ago and... none of them can tell who you are, the only one who does is the literal demon. That tells us that Crowley has not only seen him in this form, but has probably worked with the Metaron himself personally. "Always asking damn fool questions", 10 million angels and he remembers what this one particular angel was like 6000 years ago

- Crowley is also very reluctant to reveal his identity as an angel. Now if he were just an ordinary angel of no real significance he wouldn't have a problem revealing his name, but... if his name was one that's the literal representation of all evil in this world, then it is understandable he keeps it a secret, in fear he might scare Aziraphale away

- And I wanted to leave the best for last. So you remember in the book when Crowley has to sign his name to start Armaggedon, and Hastur tells him "no, your real name" after which he reluctantly writes it. Now in the book we never see him write anything, but in the show we see him write a sygil, something that looks very mich like an L. An L... A FUCKING L. And now I wonder how this theory didn't come up sooner.

(Also he can fucking stop time, like dafuq)

Edit:

- "Oh looky here it's Lucifer and the guys" we all thought he was talking about someone else, he's just refferencing things other angels have said about HIM. FUCK

- I keep seing people saying Crowleys memories were wiped because he couldn't remember Saraqael and Furfur. But I think people forget, demons lie. He's lying to make them think he's not that angel they worked with, that he's not Lucifer. (In season 1 we hear him a few times refferencing his life as an angel, so he does remember most of it)

- Also saying if the Raphael theory were true then as showrunners they would have mentioned him somewhere for those not that familiar with the bible (or don't read much fanfiction). The refferences for Crowleys past are so so vague that it would be too sudden and confusing if he were Raphael. But there is one name that everyone is familiar with, no matter who you are how old you are or where you're from, a name that needs no introduction.

Asdfghjkl

‘DON’T [TRY] THE GUY WITH THE BLACK GLASSES HE DOESN’T WORK HERE!’

Local Soho lurker, known associate of Mr. Fell, inspiring so much lust around him people flock to the brothel to see if they can spend some quality time with him. And it happens so frequently Mrs. Sandwich had to put a sign up.

Alternatively, as @cassieoh (thank you for brightening the image!!) suggested: ‘DON’T [PAY] THE GUY WITH THE BLACK GLASSES HE DOESN’T WORK HERE!’

Poor Mrs. Sandwich. ‘Yes I know he looks like he works as a seamstress, but he does NOT, so if you could kindly pay me, thank you very much.’

I can’t decide which is funnier, Crowley accepting money from Mrs. Sandwich’s patrons (does he cackle as he does this? Is he confused? Does he walk the money over to her afterwards or do something else with it?) or Mrs. Sandwich having to march over to him and sternly asking him to stop letting patrons pay him instead (does she cock her hip and stick out her hand? Does she laugh along with him? Do they bond over it?? Are Crowley and Mrs. Sandwich buds???)

‘You’re a good lad.’

Heres some (really) old artwork I forgot to post