I Have No Clue How This Somehow Perfectly Describes That Voice But It Does.

I have no clue how this somehow perfectly describes that voice but it does.

i love seeing reactions from people listening to murderous mask for the first time because they are always so taken aback by nureyev’s voice. why does he sound like the monopoly man if the monopoly man had the la croix equivalent of a british accent and was gay?? it doesn’t matter, by the end of the season you will have completely accepted this and will be 100% emotionally invested in this man’s wellbeing regardless. you will miss that voice so much during s2

Bokuaka Week 2020 Day One: Bookshop/Coffee Shop AU

Also Available on my AO3

It started off as a normal day for Akaashi. He woke up, got dressed then walked downstairs into his cafe and bookshop to set up before opening. Akaashi looked up as he heard the doorbell chime and Kenma walked in, “Have you had any sleep Kenma, your eyebags look worse than mine?” Kenma looked up tiredly at Akaashi before continuing around the counter. “Sorry, Kuroo bought me the newest Pokemon game as an apology for his last prank and I lost track of time while playing it.”

Akaashi put the last of the cakes into the display case while Kenma set up the register. They were opening soon and Akaashi still had to bake a few more cakes but he had the first batch out and ready. Kenma had finished setting up the register and had gone over to the coffee machine and started to brew two coffee’s. He pointed at the clock on the wall before gesturing to the door letting Kenma know that it was almost opening.

It was around two when things started to go crazy. Kuroo entered at his normal time, sitting at the table in the back as people began to vacate the cafe, before it closed so that Akaashi and Kenma could have lunch. Akaashi flipped the sign to shut as Kuroo bookmarked and closed a short novel, with an orange paw print on the front of its otherwise white cover. It was only upon turning around that Akaashi noticed that Kuroo wasn’t alone at the table. A tall man with spiky grey-white and black hair was sitting across the table from Kuroo looking around the small bookshop cafe with his golden eyes.

Kenma looked over at where Kuroo was sighing as he made coffee for the four of them and grabbed the lunches out of the backroom. Akaashi moved over to the counter and grabbed the coffee’s putting them down at the table, noticing that there was a hot chocolate there that he assumed was for the owlish man. Kenma walked over to the table with some sandwiches, a medium apple pie and a piece of chocolate cake.

Kuroo was the one to start the conversation, asking Kenma and Akaashi about their day, Kenma seemed to know the owlish man and talked about irritating customers before asking him how training went. Akaashi started to feel more and more awkward as the conversation continued, the owlish man was gesturing in wild movements how volleyball practice went while Kuroo was listening intently, cracking jokes and asking questions. Kenma was distracting himself from the wild conversation by playing on his DS, it was probably the new Pokemon game that Kenma had mentioned Kuroo buying him earlier. Akaashi half listened to the conversation having lost interest in volleyball during middle school declining recommendations from Fukurodani and Suzumeoka in favour of Nekoma’s closeness to home and high level literature classes. By the end of the conversation Akaashi had discovered that the owlish man’s name is Bokuto, that he played volleyball against Kenma and Kuroo in high school and that he is a pro volleyball player for the local division 1 team the MBSY Black Jackals. Akaashi looked over at the clock as he gathered the dishes from lunch taking them over to the sink behind the counter signalling for Kenma to flip the sign on the door back to open as Kuroo and Bokuto leave the cafe, the owlish man still gesturing wildly. Akaashi notices that he has a small smile on his face in his reflection.

Kuroo and Bokuto walk down the street towards the professional spikers house talking about how excited they are of Hinata's return to Japan and the upcoming game against the Adlers. The conversation turns from volleyball to Kenma when Kuroo says he’s going to be watching the game with Kenma. Bokuto asks how Kenma is going about working at the cafe as well as having a large following on his gaming channel on youtube.

“It’s easy for him, Akaashi lets him work at the cafe whenever he wants for as long as he wants, he knows how lonely being at home without anyone can be and he’s known us since high school.” Kuroo sighs looking upwards at the clouds, “I wish that Akaashi had someone sometimes, he just seems so lonely all the time.”

Bokuto looked at Kuroo, eyes wide with shock at the revelation that Akaashi, the pretty, petite, pale cafe/bookstore owner, was single. “Bro, Akaashi is single, I assumed that he was dating someone, he looks so nice and is so polite.” Kuroo sighs at Bokuto’s sudden outburst coming to a stop at the crosswalk.

“Akaashi is seen as too introverted for most and those who find him nice often don’t mesh well with his ‘serious and emotionless’ self. He also has issues with anxiety that causes him to avoid people for the most part.” Kuroo took a step forward crossing the road with Bokuto slightly behind him on his left, processing what Kuroo had just told him.

“Do you think that I could have a chance with him, Kuroo?” Bokuto questions, shocking Kuroo with the abruptness of the question. “Well it depends on if he finds you interesting or annoying, he quit volleyball at the end of middle school but was willing to give Kenma pointers with strategy and tactics cause he found that Kenma was nice to talk to but he disliked me at first. It really depends on how you act, I don’t think he likes being around loud people a lot but is more used to it than he was in high school.”

Bokuto looked over at Kuroo with pleading eyes, “Could you please be my wingman on this one Kuroo?” Kuroo looked at Bokuto’s puppy eyes before nodding slowly in agreement “I’ll be your wingman but you're going to have to be the one to talk to him once I get the conversation going okay?”

Bokuto nods as they round the corner to his apartment and continue up the stairs to the elevator inside. They ride the elevator in silence, Bokuto thinking about what he was going to talk about to the beautiful man he had met earlier that day, Kuroo’s talk about how he had quit volleyball was probably a sign that using that as a conversation point was probably off the table. He looked over at Kuroo, a moment of decisiveness coming over him. “Do you know what his favourite book genre is? I could read some books then use them to have a conversation with him.” Kuroo looked over at his longtime close friend, shocked that he was willing to read after having to fight with him to get him to study for exams.

“He likes lots of genres but is currently reading lots of short novels about teenagers, sport and crime. I’ve almost finished the first book in a series he’s recommended. I'll lend it to you once I finish it.” Kuroo said, gesturing to his bag which had the book from earlier in it as they exit the elevator and continue towards Bokuto’s apartment.

The following week Bokuto was finishing up the final book in the All for the Game series as he waited for Kuroo so they could head to Akaashi’s coffee shop for lunch. He was nervously tapping his feet as he read the final chapter of The King’s Men. He was surprised by the theme of the book and how it went from lighthearted to dark then back to lighthearted as the characters' moods shifted. Bokuto jumps and closes his book as Kuroo enters his apartment, slightly slamming the door shut as he yells. “Hey, bro are you ready to see Akaashi?”

Bokuto paused at the corner of the street from the cafe, he was clenching and unclenching his fist nervously as he waited for the lights to change. Kuroo looked over at his best friend who was clearly nervous. “Dude, chill, the worst thing that could happen is Akaashi gets nervous around you. Kenma has told me that Akaashi has asked him to be his wingman.”

Around the corner Akaashi and Kenma sneeze as they close the shop for lunch. “Akaashi are you sure that you are comfortable with this, you have only known each other for a week.” Kenma looks worriedly over his longtime friend. “It’s okay Kenma, I’ll give him a chance, thanks for talking Kuroo out of his original plan, that would have been awkward.” Both Kenma and Akaashi shiver at the thought of a picnic double date in the current chilly weather.

They look up from their usual lunch table as Bokuto and Kuroo enter the cafe, walking past bookshelves and other tables as they make their way towards them. Akaashi started to nervously fiddle with his fingers under the table as Bokuto sat down on his left. Kuroo sat on Kenma’s right smiling at Bokuto as he reached for Kenma’s hand under the table. There was a short bout of awkward silence as they all started to eat. After a few minutes Kuroo finally decided to break the silence, “Akaashi, I finally got around to finishing the All for the Game series a few days ago, I must say that I was surprised that you were interested in it considering how sports focused it can get.”

Akaashi looked elated at the prospect of talking about the series as he quickly replied words seemingly flying from his mouth, “On the surface it can seem to be focused on sports but the real pushing factor is everyone's mindsets from the trauma that they had gone through in their childhood, Neil wants to play exy not only because it's fun but because it’s something that he was told he couldn’t do by his mother due to his circumstances with his father. Andrew is playing exy cause it gets his family into a University and allows him time off his meds at the beginning then we see him become more and more attached to Neil…” he drifts off realising that he was ranting about a book series that half of the table probably haven’t read yet.

Bokuto took his silence as an opportunity to jump into the conversation, “I think that Akaashi is right Kuroo, the book series used the Foxes playing Exy as a parallel to Neil and Andrew facing their trauma and identity and overcoming the habits that their parents had trained them into.”

Akaashi looked at Bokuto surprised remembering what Kenma had told him about the man Bokuto had read a book series that he had enjoyed and had analysed what the true story going through the series was when he was rarely able to sit still and was training to play on the Japanese Olympic team. “It also shows all four responses to threats, Neil being flight, Andrew being fight, Kevin being freeze and Jean being fawn.” Akaashi added onto Bokuto’s previous statement, eyes shining with excitement behind his passive facial expressions.

The two continued to talk about the book series with Bokuto getting his number and several book recommendations so they could continue to converse about them. It wasn’t a surprise that within a month of them exchanging contacts they had told Kuroo and Kenma that they were officially dating. It was more of a surprise for Kenma that Akaashi could deal with Bokuto’s high energy and mood swings as though he had been doing it for years.

They were perfect for each other, Kenma mused, he was happy that he had asked Kuroo to bring Bokuto along that day.

No, because I couldn't imagine Hello from the Hallowoods not being red, and the thought of Nightvale being anything but purple makes me uncomfortable. The eye podcast rainbow must not be disturbed.

yknow what? no. fuck you. [swaps the color of your podcast’s eye imagery with another podcast’s eye imagery]

This is the best thing I have seen in months.

Heaven attempts to make sense of Things

There would have to be a PowerPoint presentation at a mandatory all-staff meeting, right? And who doesn’t love a Venn diagram??? Welcome to Hell Corporate Heaven, kids.

[Title of Presentation: What the Heck Is Up With Aziraphale?

Presented by the Archangel Gabriel*

*Produced in consultation with Archangels Michael, Uriel, and Sandalphon, and presented in co-sponsorship with the Metatron, which — And May I Remind You — remains the Official Spokesperson of God the Almighty, and speaks on Her Behalf.

Venn diagram with four intersecting circles, labeled clockwise from top:

Faulty Nature (a Bad Angel)

Proximity to Adversary (Demon)

Weakness of The Flesh (Years Spent in a Body)

Earth Stuff (Humans)

Intersection of Faulty Nature and Proximity to Adversary = Sloth

Intersection of Proximity to Adversary and Weakness of The Flesh = Lust

Intersection of Weakness of The Flesh and Earth Stuff = Gluttony

Intersection of Earth Stuff and Faulty Nature = Pride

Pride + Sloth = Falsifying Reports

Pride + Gluttony = Fine Dining

Gluttony + Lust = Fornication??!

Sloth + Lust = Cuddling

Center of Diagram, place at which all circles intersect = Aziraphale has scary powerz we have yet to explain.]

Fantastic Chicken Flavoured Noodles are just white person ramen, change my mind I dare you.

The Song of Smoke and Wolves

I’m going to use that as a chapter title now that just sounds to cool not to

Mines The Throne Of Fire And Rose!