Carrying Burden

Carrying Burden

Leaving you was a mistake. A regret I will carry to my grave.

Between now and then, I have to find a way to live.

2024/03/12

Feelings

It isn't about how he or she looks, or even what they do. It is the mood they create.

Yet Again

In the early morning fog between sleep and waking, you came again – unbidden.  The dream started as the usual sort, jumbled thoughts of a recent past life with things that never happened, as if they would happen.  Those images of things gladly left behind gave way to you, and a heavy feeling of loss and regret.

We seemed to have a tentative relationship, which filled me with optimism.  The real past was real, but at this moment we were engaging each other; me full of remorse and longing, you keeping me at more than arm’s length, yet there was a glimmer of hope.  We were interacting, and I did not want it to stop.

As sleep gave way to waking, those restless moments lying in bed not yet ready to get up but also unable to go back to sleep, when our minds ramp up like an old locomotive building up steam, I began to wonder, why has neither of us become engaged with another these 15 years after the divorce?

Did I break both of us?

2024/07/04

I Miss...

Your scent, which is barely remembered, but not forgotten.

Your smile, so bright it can make Easter Bunnies blush.

Your cheerfulness, so bubbly it should embarrass kittens and little children.

Your intelligence, which seemed to encompass a library.

Your hugs, to which there are no equal.

Your soul, as soothing as a warm bath.

2024/03/26

Only In My Mind

Now I truly understand *Eponine when she sings “On My Own”.

“… And I know it’s only in my mind, That I’m talking to myself and not to him. And although I know that he is blind Still I say, there’s a way for us. I love him... I love him, But only on my own.”

How sad.  Turn all the pronouns to their feminine form, and this is my heart for the one I let go.  There is no going back.  Too much time has passed by, like the waters of the Seine, but still, on my own, I love her.  Is there any greater love than a love that asks for nothing, makes no demands, and even as it is given, it is known it will not be returned?

*Character from “Les Miserables”

2024/03/10

Through the Grapevine

I know you are doing well. You’ve achieved some of your desires, And you are conjuring new dreams. That is what I wanted for you. Despite the agony of being apart from you, It makes me happy to know you are happy.

2024/03/19