I Just Watched My Dad Eat A Salad, In Which He Did Not Evenly Disperse The Toppings Throughout Each Bite,

I just watched my dad eat a salad, in which he did not evenly disperse the toppings throughout each bite, so some bites were just lettuce. When I asked him why that didn’t bother him, he said it just didn’t. Now I’m confused. Am I the only one who makes sure my food is distributed to have a satisfying bite every time? Map it out and plan how I’m gonna eat it to ensure I don’t finish eating disappointed?

The short answer is no, we’re not.

The long answer? Fine, absolutely, positively, totally and completely fine, dandy, spiffy, just swell. :’)

I love and appreciate fanfic authors, but I read their notes and I have to wonder what fucked up shit they did in a past life to make god hate them so much. Like why do the worst things happen to fanfic authors and they just brush over it. I’ll be reading a fluffy fic and the notes will be “hey sorry the fic is late both my parents died, I’m in hospital right now, and my house burnt down. anyway hope u enjoy this chapter!!“ bro???? Are you okay?????

The weirdest guy I ever met in a church was this boy who referred to “Buzz Aldrin and his husband” going to the moon. I was completely baffled, and when I asked if he’d misspoken, he got really angry and accused me of being deliberately ignorant of the facts. It turned out that he was somehow comvinced that Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong were married. It took five Wikipedia articles to convince him otherwise.

@sleepdeprivedcracker @gravityinception @ddepressedbookworm

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Shelby: Kevin and I have done it but I’ve never…you know…

Alyssa, a lesbian: you’re going to hell and you didn’t even finish??