l-wandering-etranger - I really don't know what to write here
I really don't know what to write here

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At One Point Lan Qiren Has Held His Nephews' Hands, Carried Them In His Arms, Wiped Their Tears, Picked

At one point Lan Qiren has held his nephews' hands, carried them in his arms, wiped their tears, picked them up when they fell, fed them, straightened their clothes, taught them to hold a brush, etc. etc.

I think about that a lot

And then I think about how Lan Qiren has just so desperately wanted his nephews to turn out well, how he wanted them to be different from their father.

And I wonder if Lan Qiren watches Lan Wangji get whipped 33 times and thinks about how once his little hand could only hold two of Lan Qiren's fingers at a time.

And I wonder if Lan Qiren sees Lan Xichen in seclusion and remembers when he struggled to hold chopsticks but tried again and again and again until he got it right.

If through everything, when he's scolding and punishing his nephews, he thinks back to their first days in his classes when they sat so seriously at the very front. Their chubby faces determined to do well.

Lan Qiren is definitely misguided and harsh, but I think he's also extremely motivated by his love for his nephews. They were thrust upon him, and he raised them the best that he could.

Because that's the other thing--Lan Qiren didn't decide to have these kids. They aren't his sons. But he did what he thought was best for them. He scolds them, he punishes them, but he's at least always there.

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