One Step At A Time

One Step at a Time

Warnings: School Shooting, death, PTSD

Summary: It was supposed to be just another normal day at school. Just 8 hours, 480 minutes, of learning before Julie and you went to the Molina’s studio and spend the day with the guys. It was supposed to be just another normal school day... but it wasn’t.

Pairings: Ghost!Luke Patterson x Alive!Reader

A/N I did as much research as I could about the subject, I won’t get it 100% right since thankfully I’ve never experienced this but I feel it is a subject that should be talked about more. Stay safe!

| MASTERLIST |

120 Hours After the Shooting

A gasp leaves your body as you sit up while holding back a scream. You feel the sweat dripping down your skin as your eyes take in your surroundings, it takes you a minute to fully recognize your room as your blurry vision finally settles. 

You feel a hand on your shoulder and you jump out of your bed, scared. Looking towards the source you find the hazel eyes of the lead guitarist on Julie’s band.

He looks at you with worry as he slowly starts crawling towards you, his steps were wary as if afraid you’d run out of the room any second.

He opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, he is talking to you, yet you cannot hear. Your ears numb to the sounds around you.

As you feel breathing becoming a harder task your eyes fall to your hands, wondering to yourself when will this ever stop?

How could this be your life now? 

2190 Hours Before the Shooting

You walked behind Carrie to the auditorium with your blue wig on and an excited smile on your face. All the Dirty Candy girls following their leader with the nerves filling their bodies.

After many days of long hours of rehearsals, you girls were finally showing what you had worked so hard to accomplish.

As you entered the auditorium a student member of the illuminating staff bumps into you nearly throwing you to the ground. Thankfully, he catches you.

“I’m so so sorry, Y/N”

You brush yourself trying to get rid of any possible dirt in your costume before giving him a kind smile.

“Everything good here, uh...”

You stop talking as soon as you realize that you don’t remember the name of the guy you had surely seen in at least two of your classes. He notices that and the smile that had appeared on his face soon falls.

As you’re about to apologize for your bad memory, Carrie screams for you to hurry up, so with one apologetic smile you leave.

It is through the performance of Wow that your eyes catch sight of Julie and three more guys by her side. You make sure to send her a smile when she catches your eyes, nostalgia over your lost friendship suddenly making an appearance.

730 Hours Before the Shooting

Your life had definitely changed for the better, as bizarre as it was now. Two months ago you had decided to fix your friendship with Julie -three ghosts being a much needed push- while also getting to know three kind -formerly mentioned- ghosts.

You and the guys were close, probably as close as you had become with Flynn and as you once were -and thankfully were again- with Julie.

Luke and you had bonded over songwriting. Both of you making the songs for Julie and the Phantoms, something Julie liked to tease you about a lot especially when she noticed that your usual roll of eyes had turned into a deep red blush.

Of course becoming friends with Julie had put a strain on your friendship with Carrie. The strawberry blonde snapping at you at every possible opportunity yet never truly hurting you as you were her best friend.

Either way, after the growth of Julie’s band, the realization that the boys had to cross over, them playing at the Orpheum to fulfill their unfinished business, them discovering playing at the Orpheum wasn’t their unfinished business, and then their love for one another saving them from ceasing to exist and somehow becoming tangible to both Julie and you while also gaining the new ability to be seen as far as they concentrated deeply. You had learned to appreciate the little gifts of the universe more and more.

You were accepting everything it was throwing at you because so far you had loved the unexpected things it had sent.

You were in a happy place. Julie was in a happy place. So were the boys and the Molina’s. And even if she didn’t voice it, you knew Carrie was too, the strawberry blonde too proud to admit she missed Julie and hoped she could soon get close to through you.

Things were good. Nothing could hurt you guys, everything was perfect.

336 Hours Before the Shooting

Julie and the Phantoms and Dirty Candy had a gig. More importantly, the same gig. A concert was being held at the Hollywood Bowl to showcase young artists and both bands had been accepted.

It was a huge opportunity.

So as expected, none of them so one another during the week they got the news as all were too invested in rehearsing to give out the best performance they could. This event could be life changing.

But you could only spend so much time apart from songwriting -especially if it was with a certain ghost-, so you and Luke had decided to meet every two days at your room at night to write new songs. None of you could use them for the presentation though as it wouldn’t be fair to the other.

After your third meeting, Luke had accidentally asleep on your bed with you -the need for sleep being a consequence of using the newly found powers too much- and soon it became a habit that whenever he came he would stay.

So your relationship grew. And you loved that as much you denied it, Julie’s knowing smirk always reminding you that no one believed it. 

Even Carrie knew you had a crush, the strawberry blonde making sure to mention it on the next Dirty Candy rehearsal.

“I want everyone on their very best. We have to be the best performance there” she reminds them for the hundredth time “I want your concentration the following weeks on the performace. Understood, Y/N? No cute guitarists”

The blush and glare you sent your best friend’s way was enough to make a smirk appear on her face and her eyes to soften before ending the break and starting rehearsals once again. 

168 Hours Before the Shooting

You smiled as Carrie laughed loudly, proud to have been the one who made the smile appear on her face. You were the only one -after Julie- that had ever been able to make her smile like that, though the smiles Julie got were always followed by a small blush.

The two of you were having your weekly sleepover. Both of you having stated since the start of high school that every week, no matter how busy they were, they would give one day to sleep at either house to catch up. It was a good way to keep the strong bond you two had while also letting go of the problems and stress you adquire during the week.

This time both of you found yourselves in Y/N’s empty house. It wasn’t uncommon knowledge that Y/N’s widowed mother was working -as she was a surgeon, her father being one too when he was alive- so she mostly spent the nights by herself.

Carrie, being Trevor Wilson’s daughter, had also spent months alone with his father going on tours or spending hours at the recording studio. You both had basically grown up with nannies, you had it better though since it was only after your father’s dead that the nannies appeared. 

That’s why Rose Molina’s death had hit you both almost as hard as it had hit Julie. You had both loved her deeply, seeing her as a mother figure. The Molina’s always having their house opened for the both of you, something you’d both be forever thankful for.

The fight between Julie and Carrie had been nasty and big, both refusing to ever mentioning the details, which left you and Flynn to take side neither wanting to leave either alone. Of course, when the time came you went with Carrie as she trusted you the most -her and Flynn never seeing eye-to-eye as the strawberry blonde’s crush for the cute singer grew-.

So, as you both laughed while the movie Five Feet Apart played in your room’s television was completely ignored by you both, you couldn’t help but be grateful for the girl sitting in front of you. Even though Carrie had this bad spoiled rich girl persona for the people around them to see, inside she was just an insecure kind-hearted girl who just wanted someone to care.

The laughter soon dies as you both look at each other with soft smiles, the strawberry blonde’s smile falling as she gazes at your door with a sad look in her face. The silence settling between the two.

“Do you think someone’d notice if we were gone?” She asks softly as if she was afraid of the answer.

“Of course” Your answer is quick, without hesitation.

Her brown sad eyes soon stare at you, “Would they notice if I was gone?”

The questions doesn’t catch you off guard as you often knew your best friend’s fear of being forgotten. She didn’t have a close group of friends. It had always been Carrie, Julie, and Y/N. Somewhere along the way Flynn joined, but otherwise it had always been the three of you. And then, it was you two. Nick soon joined you both but after the breakup he had been acting weird. So, Carrie only had you. She loved the girls from her group but other than Kayla she didn’t actually get along with them. So it was only Y/N.

“They would” Y/N answers without hesitation, “More importantly, I would”

That’s enough to bring the smile back to the face of the leader of Dirty Candy, her soon tackling you in a hug. Laughter filling the emptiness of your house once again.

48 Hours Before the Shooting

To say all of you were nervous was an understatement. That Saturday was the event at the Hollywood Bowl, so the two groups had been rehearsing nonstop and trying on outfits. Everything had to be perfect.

Dirty Candy was performing a new song called Sweet Melody at said event, featuring Y/N’s voice alongside Carrie’s. All the members had been surprised when their leader had given the idea, saying the chorus was better suited for your range, but neither had complained as they had loved your voice.

That’s why as you opened the door to your locker, your mouth was mouthing the lyrics in complete concentration. You were nervous of forgetting the words and freezing on stage, so you practice as much as you could.

Getting your Algebra II book out you head to your class, smiling once you see Julie and going to sit beside her. Soon both of you start talking, only stopping once the teacher walks in and starts her class.

You have a bored expression on your face as you copy what Mrs. Matthews writes on the board, only to have your attention caught by a boy entering the class completely out of breath.

“Mr. Rogers, glad you could join us” ironizes your teacher.

You look at the boy with pity, though you soon recognize it as the one you bumped into when you were on your way to perform at the school’s pep rally. Rogers, so that was his name.

“I don’t care whatever your excuses are” States Mrs. Matthews, “This is the fourth time you’re late, so please go to the principal’s office”

As soon as you see the angry look on his face you let your gaze wander to your songbook, not in the mood to watch him fight with the teacher.  You keep your concentration on the song you were currently writing.

That is until the loud slam of the door makes your head snap up, your eyes finding Mrs. Matthews’ shocked face. Your eyes find Julie’s to find the girl as lost as you as she has been doodling on her notebook.

Class continues and the bell soon rings letting you know it is time for lunch, Julie and you walking side by side.

“I read the song your mom wrote, by the way,” You add seeing her eyes light up as you mention it “It is truly amazing, Jules, it is a very powerful song”

“I’m so glad you finally read it” She smiles, “I was thinking maybe we could duet it someday? It would definitely be cool, don’t you think?”

You smile softly before turning it into a smirk, “Julie and the Phantom’s leader with Y/N Y/L/N from Dirty Candy, sounds interesting”

She nudges you with an amused look before you both enter the cafeteria laughing. None of the students making noise in the cafeteria notice the angry looking kid sitting alone at one of the last tables.

How much would’ve things changed if someone had noticed?

10 Minutes Before the Shooting

Friday couldn’t have come sooner, both groups excited for the concert that was happening the next day. Though, that day seemed to be everlasting as you and Carrie walked to your last class of the day, the only class you both had with Julie and Flynn: Music.

As you make a quick stop to your locker to grab the music sheets for the song you were presenting today, Luke appears beside you making you let out a strangled scream.

“You need to stop that, Lu” You whisper while eyeing your surroundings, “Otherwise I’ll end up joining you on the other side soon”

The guitarist laughs at your joke before leaning on the locker beside your own, a soft smile on his face.

“Nervous about tomorrow?”

You close your locker before making your way to music class, Luke soon walking beside you.

“Totally” you breathe out, “We’re going to be in front of thousands of people, thousands, Luke. Thi-this is HUGE”

The boy smiles excitedly, “I cannot believe it is happening either but I can’t wait. I’m so excited to rehearse today one last time”

“Me too, Dirty Candy’s routine is going to make the crowd go wow”

Luke lets out an exaggerated groan as he hears your lame joke referring to one of your band’s songs, a smile soon adorning his features.

“You’re coming to reahearsal today, right? Songwriting session after?”

“Songwriting session after” You promise before entering your classroom, the ghost soon disappearing to go to the Molina’s studio.

You take your seat besides Carrie, not missing Julie’s teasing smirk sent your way as she caught Luke before he poofed out. You roll your eyes at her with a small smile before paying attention to Mrs. Harrison’s lesson.

Not even two minutes later, a loud bang sounds throughout the school. The loud noise echoing in each classroom making every student freeze in confusion.

Another loud noise soon follows before the screams start. Mrs. Harrison soon jumps to action going to lock the classroom door.

“Everybody down! Against the walls! Cover your heads!” She whispers loudly as she turns off the lights, “Boys, help me move the desks in front of the door”

Everyone soon moves to do as told. Carrie, Julie, Flynn, and Y/N soon snuggling in a corner together, the four of you staring wide-eyed at one another as you feel the fear of the unknown crawling through your bodies.

You listened to the hurried steps of students running through the hallways as more screams pierce through the halls. Gunshots echoing.

“Now, I know this is scary and I know you’re confused, kids,” whispers Mrs. Harrison, “but I need you all to start sending texts to anyone outside of school. We need to make sure the authorities know what is happening”

You feel tears start sliding down your cheeks as your confusion turns into panic, your heart beating fastly in your chest as you grab your phone with your shaky hands. Out of the corner of your eye you see your best friends soon doing the same.

Everyone too scared to say something, the only sound being the muffled sobs that everyone lets out. Your breathing stops once you hear Julie’s ringtone sound loudly, the girl soon quieting it down.

“Everyone keep your phones on silence, no one needs to know we are here” their music teacher reminds them, “Remember every drill we’ve had, you have to follow three simple steps: Run, Hide, and as a last resource Defend”

Your clean your tears with your shaking hand as you try to stop the blurriness of your vision only to have more tears appear, you feel Julie take your hand and interlocking your fingers with hers.

“I’m scared” She whispers.

You look at her with tears blurring your vision, your face saying what you can’t, as somehow you can’t seem to find your voice. Another gunshot, this one closer than before, tears through the halls making you all let out strangled screams. Carrie jumping to your side -the one not occupied by Julie- and Flynn jumping to Julie’s.

The four of you staying close as tears stream down all of your faces.

From where you’re hiding you cannot see your classmates nor Mrs. Harrison’s, the soft cries being the only thing that makes you know they are there.

Another piercing scream followed by a gunshot tear through the school, the four of you letting out silent sobs. You grab your phone with shaky hands before typing fastly a text to your mom.

If anything happens, mom, I love you. -Y/N

You close your eyes as you try to calm your breathing, the thumping of your heart echoing in your ears. Another gunshot. You jump in your place with your eyes still close and a strong hold on both of your best friends.

Another gunshot and soon the doorknob jiggles, letting everyone know someone is trying to open the door. Everyone in the music room holds their breath as fear crawls through their skins.

All the laughs, the smiles, the tears, the moments you spent by your dad’s bed at the hospital, the rehearsals with the band, the sleepovers with Carrie, the time spent with Julie and Flynn, the moments you spent at the Molina’s studio, the songwriting with Luke. Everything comes crashing down.

The door is hit with force, the person trying to get in trying to make the door budge. You bite your lip hard to stop the scream that wants to make its way out of your throat.

The door is pushed one more time before steps resonate letting you all know the person is leaving. You let out a shaky breath, tears flowing neverending down your cheeks.

“I’m so so sorry, Julie” Whispers Carrie, “I’m sorry about our fight, I’m sorry for not letting you apologize and for pushing you away, I’m sorry for making Y/N and Flynn take sides, I’m sorry for taking Nick, and I’m sorry for never telling you I loved you”

You stared at the strawberry blonde with red puffy wide eyes, Carrie looking scared to death as she says what she had been keeping herself from saying this last year. Tears stream down her pale face as silent sobs shake her small body.

Julie moves quietly to get closer to her to hug her, both girls shaking in fear as they reconcile. Flynn moves to the spot Julie once resided, taking Y/N’s hand. Everyone crying softly as they wait for someone to tell them it’s okay to come out.

None of you know how long you stay there until there is a knock on the door making you all freeze with fear.

“This is L.A. P.D., everything is okay now. Is anyone in there?”

You all let out a breath of relief. Y/N closing her eyes as she lets out a loud sob, soon everyone crying their hearts out as they are soon escorted out of the room.

You hear the police ask for everyone to raise their hands, soon everyone doing as told, and to not look at your surroundings. Soon all of you being escorted to the outside in a line, though you can’t stop your eyes from drifting through the hallway once catching sight of all the blood.

You take a shaky breath as you feel the tears still flowing down your face.

The four girls hug each other tightly as they walk out into the school ground. All of your eyes taking their time to adjust to the bright sun. Faintly, you hear the police tell you all to not look back and decide to obey them this time as the glimpses of the blood and the bodies you saw inside were enough to have you struggling to breathe.

“Dad!” You hear Julie screaming in relief before detaching from all of you and running to his father’s arms.

It is when you see them hugging that your blurry eyes catch sight of your heartbroken mother, who soon runs to get to you with relief washing over her. It is until you are in her arms that the world around you starts spinning again.

The sounds become clearer and so does your vision as the pressure of everything finally leaves your body, sobs shaking your body in the safety of your mother’s arms. Out of the corner of your eyes you see Flynn and Carrie reuniting with their own parents as well as many other students.

But as you see reunions, you soon see the heartbreaking faces of realization and the agonizing screams of the losses of their children. Your sobs becoming louder.

Your mother soon falling with you to the floor as your knees give in, the weight of your body becoming too much as you try to put yourself back together. This wasn’t supposed to happen. How could this have happened? Why did it happen? Why?

96 Hours After the Shooting

Carrie, Flynn, Julie, and Y/N were cuddling together on the studio’s couch, their parents inside the Molina’s home. After the incident, the four of them had been joined to the hip only untangling themselves from the other to go sleep at their own houses. 

Julie and Carrie holding hands tightly as they all stare at the wall silently with soft music playing in the background. School was closed until further noticed and you had all bailed on the concert at the Hollywood Bowl. The members of Sunset Curve watched you all carefully with heavy hearts. They all felt guilty for not being there for either of you.

Luke feeling his heart break whenever he saw a tear make its way down your face without your knowledge. None of them could ever understand the fear that any of you had felt at that moment or how it had scarred all of you.

So they just stood beside the four of you in a protective way, making sure you all knew you weren’t alone. And everynight, as the fear of closing your eyes and hearing the echoing of the shots ring through your head, Luke would poof in and lay beside you, singing a sweet lullaby to help you sleep.

Though you always woke up in a terrified daze, the guitarist soon jumping to bring you back to reality.

120 Hours After the Shooting

A gasp leaves your body as you sit up while holding back a scream. You feel the sweat dripping down your skin as your eyes take in your surroundings, it takes you a minute to fully recognize your room as your blurry vision finally settles.

You feel a hand on your shoulder and you jump out of your bed, scared. Looking towards the source you find the hazel eyes of the lead guitarist on Julie’s band.

He looks at you with worry as he slowly starts crawling towards you, his steps were wary as if afraid you’d run out of the room any second.

He opens and closes his mouth repeatedly, he is talking to you, yet you cannot hear. Your ears numb to the sounds around you.

As you feel breathing becoming a harder task your eyes fall to your hands, wondering to yourself when will this ever stop?

How could this be your life now?

Silently, you stand up and head out of your room and downstairs to grab a glass of water. The sun rising through the sky to signal a new day. You gaze at it intently as you drink the water slowly, your heart calming down as it sees the beauty of it. 

You weren’t okay. Neither of you was. 

It would probably take a long time before either of you were completely okay, and even then the memory would haunt you. All you could do is take it one step at a time, trusting that the people who loved you would be ready to catch you if you stumbled. You were willing to do the same for the girls.

All of you would soon have to start attending the funerals of your classmates, of the people whose face you had all grown used to seeing, of people you had grown up with. You would have to be in the presence of heartbroken parents who screamed their lungs out in agony for the child they lost. 

Your grip on the glass of water tightens as you feel your chest become heavier. One step at a time, you repeat in your head, one step at a time.

You feel Luke appear behind you, his arms soon wrapping around your waist as his face hides in your neck. A small smile makes its way to your face, one of your hands letting go of the glass of water to hold his arm. One step at a time, you repeated.

One step at a time.

I have thought about coming back on tumblr so if you have any request of any character, message me! If I know the character I would like to write a one shot!!

Patience

Pairings: Eren Jaeger x Reader

Summary: It was just a childhood crush, right? If your heart skipped a beat every single time your eyes crossed or if your palms started to sweat with every lingering touch, it was just because of what you used to feel as a kid, right?

| Masterlist |

It was just a childhood crush. Nothing else. That’s what you’d heard all your life. And who could really blame you with how close you two had always been? No one. Truly, everyone around you both had expected one of you to grow a crush sooner or later.

You just wish it hadn’t been you. Everything would’ve been easier then. Cause nothing was worst than having a crush on THE Eren Jaeger.

If only he had never smiled your way maybe your heart would’ve been spared.

Tears started gathering in your eyes as you stared at your best friend dancing with another of your close friends. You couldn’t even find it in your heart to be mad. How could you when you knew how sweet and kind Historia was? You couldn’t blame Eren for choosing her, if there was ever really a choice to make.

You try to move your gaze away but all your strength was gone. It was as if your brain was unwilling to hide the truth from your heart, as if it had finally been enough.

A comforting arm settles itself across your shoulders and a body soon finds itself in front of you, shielding you from the heartbreaking scene.

“Don’t look, Y/N” you hear Armin say, he’s the one holding you safe under his arm.

“Let’s go home” says Mikasa, who’s shielding your view.

You can’t find your voice so you just nod weakly. Your best friends seem to understand though, and soon both are guiding you to the doors of your school gymnasium where the homecoming dance is being held.

Honestly, you knew this would happen someday. Eren had never shown any sign of reciprocating your feelings.

It still hurt though.

Armin and Mikasa keep quiet throughout the drive home, both allowing you to feel safe in their silence; neither asking you to voice how you’re feeling at the moment. You’re thankful for them, without them you’re not sure you’d even think about the possibility of mending your broken heart.

“You sure you don’t want us to stay with you tonight?”

You stare at them with a blank gaze, slowly shaking your head.

Mikasa and Armin share a look before nodding in understanding, promising to come check on you tomorrow. Waiting until you’re inside your home before even moving towards their car.

Only once you’re sure you’re safe inside your house and that they have left the driveway is that you allow yourself to crumble.

“Mom” you whimper “Mom! MOM!”

Your body is shaking and your voice is a dead giveaway that something is wrong, which makes your mother wake up alarmed and run downstairs.

The sight she is greeted with is one that breaks her heart in a way not even your father’s death could.

Your knees are wobbling and your whole body is trembling, it’s a miracle she reaches you in time before you fall down, gathering you safely in her arms as you allow yourself to break down for the first time that night.

“Shhh, sweetheart. It’s okay. Whatever happened it’s okay”

You sob, gut wrenching sobs that make your mother want to shed a few tears herself.

You spend the night in your mother’s arms, crying until sleep finally catches up to you. It’s your mother who greets Armin and Mikasa the next day, whispering how you need more time before you’re ready to see them. Both quietly explain the situation to your mom and she promises to let them know as soon as you’re ready to see them.

“Honey”

You hug your blanket tighter around your body.

“It’s gonna be okay, sweetheart” she tries again, hugging you from behind “It was just a crush, it’ll be okay”

“It wasn’t a crush” you choke “Mom, I—I love him. I love him, mom”

Her eyes widen without your knowledge and she curses herself for not seeing it sooner. Of course it wasn’t a crush, at least not anymore.

The way you’d always cling to him since you were kids, the way you’d follow him everywhere, how you always helped him study so that he’d never fall behind, how you were at each of his basketball games screaming at the top of your lungs.

It may have started as a crush but you both had grown up, your feelings had grown too.

She should’ve seen it. You wouldn’t spend a whole night baking his favorite cake for his birthday when you could buy it just for a crush. You wouldn’t leave everything behind just to answer his call just for a crush. You wouldn’t be the first to clean his wounds after another of his stupid fights just for a crush.

You had fallen in love with him. With every part of him. Even the ones he, or anyone around him, was not proud of.

“Oh, honey” she soothes “It’ll be okay. You may not believe me, but you’ll be okay”

She sighs, holding you tighter.

“You’ll fall in love again” she promises “And it’ll be just as great and as painful as this time. But you’ll fall in love again”

“I don’t want this to hurt, mommy” you sob “Why does it have to hurt?”

“Because every feeling that made you go up has to come down sooner or later. Sweetie, the greater the love, the greater the pain. That’s the rule” she sighs “But it’ll be okay. You’re strong, you’ll get through this. You’re just one heartbreak closer to happily ever after, just have a little patience”

The next day, although still hurting, you get out of bed and answer Armin and Mikasa’s texts, asking them to come for a movie night. You ignored Eren’s.

JaegerBomb: Y/N you left homecoming early?? What happened?

JaegerBomb: You probably fell asleep. Text me when you wake up, doofus, got a lot to tell you.

JaegerBomb: Morning, sleeping beauty!!

JaegerBomb: Hey, I’m getting a little worried. U okay?

JaegerBomb; Y/N what’s going on?? Answer your phone.

JaegerBomb: I’m gonna file a missing person’s report!!

You hesitated before locking your phone. You weren’t going to answer. You couldn’t. Not because you were mad at him, you had no reason to be mad. You weren’t answering because you needed to move on. You couldn’t be there every time he texted anymore.

You had to stop being his person, cause you weren’t his.

Armin and Mikasa came to your house as planned and it was honestly what you had needed all that time. Having their shoulders to cry on was enough to mend your broken heart, at least a little. They made you laugh and smile in a way you didn’t think possible to do with the pain you felt.

You sometimes forgot that your life didn’t revolve around Eren. Being so used to always being at his side, to always call him whenever you were upset or happy, you’d sometimes forget that Mikasa and Armin always stood beside you through the path. Never once abandoning you. It was nice to be reminded of how much you still have, with how much your heart felt was losing.

Eren, meanwhile, was confused and worried. Carla, his mom, watched with a curious gaze as he paced back and forth in front of her, trying to argue with her about going to the police cause it wasn’t normal that you weren’t answering him.

“Eren, honey, she could be busy”

“No, mom, she always answers!” He almost screams “This is not normal! What if something happened to her? Mom, we have to go!”

It was truly an interesting sight. Eren who had grown up to hide his feelings behind a blank space was openly expressing his worry. Somehow you were always the one to let her catch a glimpse of her old sweet boy.

Carla sighs, “Can I at least call Y/M/N first? Just before you jump to conclusions?”

Eren grunts but nods. Carla sighs once more before grabbing her phone, dialing your mother’s number. Eren waits anxiously by her side, making her worry he’d run to the door any second with how fidgety he was.

“Hello. Carla?”

“Y/M/N! Hi! How are you?”

“Mom” Eren whines in a whisper, urging her to get to the point.

“Sorry to call, I just wanted to—”

A crash sounds through the phone, making both Jaeger’s jump.

“Y/N! What are you guys doing?” They hear your mom scream.

“Sorry, mom! I got scared and my bowl fell!”

Eren visibly relaxes in his place once your voice sounds through the phone. Carla eyes him with curiosity. He had his hand over his chest as if the relief of you not being in trouble was finally allowing him to breathe.

“Sorry, Carla. Y/N is watching some scary movie with Mikasa and Armin” she laughs “You know them, can never leave them unsupervised”

Eren straightens in his seat. Mikasa and Armin? You were with them?

He stopped listening to the conversation after that. Why weren’t you answering him? Since when did you text them before you texted him? Didn’t you know he’d worry? Even better, why didn’t you invite him? Didn’t you want him there?

That couldn’t be it. You never left his side. You were even more annoying than Mikasa when you were kids, always glued to his side. Although not as protective as the dark haired beauty, your presence was always clinging to his. That hadn’t changed throughout the years. You clung to him every step of the way. Always making sure to be at his side no matter what. Even when your grades were good enough to take higher classes, you stuck by him. Never going too fast, never going too slow; you always stood by him.

And he never pushed you away, not like he did with Mikasa. He never could.

He tries texting you again, thinking that maybe the texts hadn’t gone through. But he knows better. He just doesn’t want to know better.

When the weekend ends, Eren, for the first time ever, gets to school in time. Honestly, he just wanted to be there when you got there, not wanting to miss you by chance.

“Eren!” He hears Historia before she sees her “How was your weekend? I haven’t heard from you since the dance?”

“Huh?” Historia hugs him, but he’s too distracted scanning the hallway for you.

“Thank you so much” she smiles “I had a lot of fun. I was really sad Ymir couldn’t make it, but you help it be a fun night”

“Yeah. No problem”

Historia frowns confused, “You okay?”

“Have you seen Y/N?”

Historia tilts her head, “Yeah, she was by Calculus with Jea—woah! Where are you going?”

He’s out of her sight before she can even finish her sentence. All he could think about was seeing you.

He just didn’t expect to see you with Jean.

He stopped midway. His heart tightens as he sees you laugh happily because of something Jean just said. His fist clenches when he sees the way Jean is smiling at you.

He didn’t like the way Jean was looking at you.

The bell rings and he moves fast, scared to lose you from his sight, as you walk to your class. Imagine his surprise when he goes in to find you sitting with Jean. He frozed for a second. Was he still dreaming? You always sat with him. Always had. What was going on?

“Y/N?”

You look up from your notebook to see Eren looking like kicked puppy in front of you. He looked lost. Which was weird. Never had you ever seen that expression on his face.

Jean, who’s at you side, frowns in bewilderment. He didn’t remember the last time Eren had shown so much emotion.

“Eren” you whisper before smiling faintly “H-hi, I didn’t see you come in”

“What are you doing?”

“What do you mean?”

Your teacher comes in before he can open his mouth again and he soon is obligated to sit behind you with Marco.

His jaw clenches. He didn’t understand. Had he done something wrong? Why were you not sitting with him? Why even though you smiled at him did he feel you so distant? Why did it hurt him so much to see you smiling and whispering with Jean when he knows he is your friend?

He didn’t really pay attention to anything their teacher said, too lost in his own thoughts to even bother caring.

The bell rings and he jumps off his seat, but before he can catch you someone grabs his arm.

“Mikasa” he moves his arm but she doesn’t let him go “Mikasa, let go”

“Leave her alone, Eren”

He looks at her with no expression, though the girl for a second could see how his eyebrow twitched.

“I need to talk to her”

“Her world doesn’t revolve around you” she scoffs “So don’t act like it does”

“What do you mean?”

“Weren’t you just about to go ask her why she didn’t sit with you?” She raises a brow “She doesn’t have to be at your side 24/7”

He hates that she knows him so well. Hates even more that she is right. You don’t owe him anything, you can sit with whoever you want. So why did he felt the need for one?

He jerks his arm off Mikasa’s grip and scoffs. Maybe you just wanted to talk to Jean, things would go back to normal soon enough.

At lunch you didn’t say by him either, you sat in between Sasha and Mikasa. Laughing loudly while sharing your lunch with Braus. He naively waited for you to hand him the chocolate chip cookie you always made for him, yet this time you didn’t.

And it went on for two months.

He couldn’t handle it anymore. 62 days of agony waiting for you to turn to look at him first, just to never do it. 62 days of waiting hours before you text him back. 62 days of seeing you sit with everyone but him. 62 days of wondering if you’ll show up or not at his game. 62 days of being invited to movie nights at your house by Mikasa or Armin, never by you.

He couldn’t bare it anymore and it didn’t take long for his friends to notice. Emotionless and unbothered Eren Jaeger jumping out of his seat every single time you entered the room. Eren Jaeger who cannot stop clenching his fist and moving his leg when you haven’t made an appearance. Eren Jaeger who looks like a lost child every single time you don’t give him his attention.

They honestly grew tired of it.

“You need to talk to him”

You blink, confused, at Armin, “what?”

“It’s been two months, Y/N, and he looks like a kicked puppy. You need to talk to him”

“What am I supposed to say?”

“Just let him know you’re still friends. That you’re not mad at him” he sighs “Things don’t have to go back to how they were, but he deserves to know he did nothing wrong. He can’t stop pouting and, honestly, I feel kinda sorry for him”

You sigh. Armin is right, as always. It wasn’t fair for Eren, who is your best friend, to feel like he has done something wrong when he truly hasn’t. You needed to make things right. You needed to salvage your friendship with him.

That’s why you come to school the next day with a box of the homemade chocolate cupcakes he loves so much.

That’s why you stand in front of your school’s doors waiting for him to arrive.

Your heart clenches with how defeated he looks once he does. And when your eyes find one another, you can physically see the hope and relief that he feels.

“Y/N” he sighs.

“Eren” you smile “I, uh… I wanted to apologize. I know I’ve been a little distant lately and—”

“Why?” He begs “Why have you been distant?”

You open and close your mouth, your finger tightening around the box in your hands. You had to be honest. You had to voice what you had silenced for so long. That way you would be able to move on, that way he’d understand why you needed to keep him at arm’s length.

“I, uh, um… I sa-saw you and His-Historia at the dance” you clear your throat “It wasn’t your fault! I swear I’m not mad and I never was! It’s just—it just hurt… that’s why I needed space. I liked you and it hurt”

You sigh, and extend the box towards him before slightly bowing your head.

“I’m sorry!”

You stay with your head down for a few seconds. He doesn’t move nor answers and it makes you wonder if he is mad you didn’t just tell him sooner, if he thinks you’re immature for not talking to him before so he could understand.

You feel the box being taken from your hands and before you can react you feel him lower his body, making you stand straight. Yet his face still falls on your shoulder. You feel his body relax as soon as it comes in contact with yours, and you feel him breathe in relief once he can feel your lavender scent. You don’t move, you don’t know exactly what to do in that moment. Does this mean he understands? Does it mean he is not mad? Are you both okay?

“I missed you” he whispers “I missed you so much”

“I—I missed you too, Eren”

“Never do that again” he begs softly “Please. Never leave me again”

“I, uh—I won’t”

“It’s you, Y/N” he continues “It’s always been you”

Your heart beats loudly in your chest at the declaration, yet confusion follows.

“But Histo—?”

“Historia was just sad Ymir couldn’t make it to the dance” he explains softly “I went to help her forget about it for a while”

“Oh”

“It’s you, Y/N. Always has been, always will be” he continues “Promise not to give up on me? Please. I just—please, don’t leave me”

You find yourself wrapping your arms around him, and he hides his face on your neck with content and relief.

“I promise”

The next time your friends see you both, you’re no longer clinging to him. Instead, Eren has his arm around your shoulders, holding you close to him. And, for the first time in a long time, he is smiling. That boyish smile they had all missed.

Your mom had been right. It was just one heartbreak before your happily ever after. She just didn’t know it would be the same person who’d mend it.

You just had to have a little patience.

See you later, Eren.</3

they’re eternally my roman empire

ℒ𝒶 𝒱𝒾ℯ 𝒻𝒶𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓈𝒾ℯ ꨄ

Masterlist ✞

☆ Attack On Titan

Eren Jaeger/Yeager

☆ Jujutsu Kaisen

Gojo Satoru

☆ Julie and the Phantoms

Luke Patterson