Ive Been Away From School Too Long Because I Thought There Were Only 3 Types Of Matter

I’ve been away from school too long because I thought there were only 3 types of matter

Types of matter

I think Freya was faking sick and trying to parent trap Reader and Ivar together! 😄

Chance Encounters Part 1

Modern Ivar x Reader

Summary - Reader has moved into a new home after finally breaking free from a toxic relationship. She has a chance encounter which leads to her meeting Ivar.

Warnings - initial talk of an unhappy relationship and how it ended, cheating, language, mentions of drinking. Plus you may have to forgive me if I get a few things wrong when it comes to the professional advice Ivar gives reader but I did do some research and I have three furry friends myself so I have some experience caring for them.

Words - 4000 approx.

Looking around your new home you were pretty satisfied with the progress you’d made so far. In the far corner of the room lay all the empty and flattened moving boxes you’d worked your way through. Almost every room was set up now, except for your bedroom.

Keep reading

☺️🥺😌

So there’s this huge dudebro in my class, who, yesterday, sat next to me. And I’m sitting there sweating because like… I’m wearing my shirt with the lesbian flag on it, and he’s the most popular jock in school, and always has this look on his face that say ‘I can and will kill you’. He looks me up and down, stares at me for a minute and then goes, “So. Girls in skirts and long socks, am I right?”

To which I nodded solemnly, both out of agreement, surprise and also a healthy amount of awkward fear. He nodded and went, “You get it.”

I said, “Yep.” He fistbumped me, and on went our lives.

Hope Ivar feels guilty about messing with her paints now!

Lion and the Lamb (Ivar x Christian!Reader) Part 3/?

Y/n is English royalty and in order to maintain peace between the Vikings and the Saxons, they offer their daughter in return. Ivar’s obvious distaste for the princess does not falter when they meet, taking her as a wife is merely a distraction for his ulterior motives in attacking them later on. However, Ivar soon realizes his hatred for Christians seems to falter as Y/n proves to be something else. She proves not only Ivar wrong but everyone in Kattegat, Ivar and Y/n form an unlikely bond. How long will that last when Y/n realizes Ivar’s true motives which could not only tear them apart but start a war

(I’ve decided to add gifs in the works to make it a bit more natural and easier to envision Ivar).

Masterlist

——–

The precious crate my father had gifted me, which held over twenty paintbrushes and costly pigments that were England’s most excellent, which had disappeared from my first chamber. I had scrambled throughout the hall, even turning every piece of furniture from Ivar and I’s shared room apart trying to search for the chest. 

I did find it in the middle of a group of males and Ivar who was hurling the contents. This caused brushes to break and pressed pigments of paint to crumble was the last thing I expected.

I didn’t expect the day after our lack of, wedding night would be like this. I never expected to be storming and pushing past men and women to get to my items. My stomach had dropped, and I was beyond angry, to meet Ivar, who had the biggest smile on his face. 

“Please, stop!” Reaching down to pick up the discarded remnants of the brushes and pigments. Gathering them into my arms quickly in an attempt to protect them from more harm, the pigments going all over my clothes. I tried not to say anything more as I picked up the few brushes I was able to save. Looking up towards him, the men behind him laughing to one another and pointing to the horrified look on my face. I felt ashamed, their queen on her knees, was this how a queen was supposed to act in Kattegat? Ivar pressed his crutch on a bottle of paint, making the glass crack and the colour to spread onto the gravel.

“Christian.” I’m stunned, I didn’t know what to say. “What are you doing? These are expensive.” Clutching the paints closer to my chest I look to the ground in shame, I dare not cry. Not here, not now, not ever in front of Ivar. The man who was supposed to be my husband. I need to do this for my country, without me they would be under attack by heathens. He says nothing but looks at me with the wickedness smile on his face. 

Nodding in his direction, I glance to my side before dashing away. Clutching the paints to my chest, the sound of laughter and strange voices follow and Ivar’s booming voice. “Gone off to pray to your god?” I ignore his remark and dash inside. Hoping if I hid into my room long enough, they wouldn’t know I had been crying. Pressing my back to the door, I clutch the items tighter, heading to the small desk in the corner by the window, I put it down and sit in the chair. I felt numb as I looked over the few brushes and bottles that held colours of red, blue and gold that had been saved. Swallowing hard I do nothing for a moment before the door to the shared chamber opens. I meet one of the thralls I had recognised from my wedding preparation and who had given me my breakfast this morning. 

“My queen?” She asks I smile in her direction and nod in an attempt to mask the sadness. It was weird hearing her say it, to acknowledge my role. I did not feel like a queen at all. 

“Yes?” She says nothing but watches me intently as she shuts the door behind her. 

“Are you alright, my queen?” I look to my lap and question my words. Unsure if I should blurt my problems onto this thrall or sit here in self-pity and doubt. I pick the first option. 

“This isn’t going to be easy, is it?” I look to her blue eyes, and I clench my jaw to stop the hot tears from falling. She turns her head to the side to study the items on the wooden desk before looking to me again. 

“It will, there have been many queens before you that have ruled strongly.” I nod at her response. I watch as she rearranges a few furs and places a few more wood pieces into the fireplace. 

“What is your name?” I ask curiously. She looks back towards me, and she smiles lightly. 

“Ama, your highness." 

"Call me y/n, you do not need to call me by formalities. Your kindness is greatly appreciated. I am surprised you even spoke to me being Christian.” She furrows her eyebrows and tilts her head.

“You are a queen even though you may be Christian, but that can be changed.” her voice is calm but concerned. 

“I do not wish to be pagan, Ama.” She sighs at my response, but she continues, “show them you can be a Viking queen and still be a Christian, then.” Furrowing my eyebrows, I study her face. “Prove to them that being Christian is but a distraction, so when you can prove them all wrong, they know to mess with the Queen of Kattegat.”

—–

Her words had struck me, and I knew that I shouldn’t let a Viking man get to me, Christian men never have, it should not start with heathens. I had wandered the halls in an attempt to gather the courage for dinner with my husband. We had not had breakfast together, the way Saxon’s did, I would hope dinner would be different. On my way to the main hall, I noticed Ubbe, who was walking straight towards me, his hair in the notorious Viking way, he gives me a small smile before walking straight past. 

I stop in my tracks and look back to find him disappear behind a wall, glancing to the side of me before stalking towards the wall quietly. Peering behind the corner Ubbe goes behind double doors, calmly walking towards the door I listen intently. I only hear muffled voices, but I do make out small parts of their language, regarding boats and travel. 

I jump slightly to the sound of someone clearing their throat. I turn around with my back to the door to someone I recognise. Harald. His eyes scanning my face, I swallow harshly and dart my eyes behind him then to the side. I really need to stop listening in to conversations. “I was just about to go in,” I excuse. The corner of his mouth etches, “So were I.” He holds my elbow before opening the wooden door engraved in pagan symbols. I am greeted by a table surrounded by Ivar, Ubbe, Hvitserk and a few men I did not recognise. Oh shit. “Look who has joined us? Your Christian wife." 

Ivar’s smile widens but not in a pleasant way. He extends his hand out across the table and says, "wife.” He bows his head, mocking me and not nearly as polite as he’s trying to make it seem.

Hvitserk smiles to the side towards Ivar as he does this. I gulp hard as Harald pulls me into the room to stand beside him. I felt out of place as they all started towards me. I dart my eyes between the men and take a small moment to look towards Ubbe. What am I getting myself into?

They soon forgot my existence and continued to speak in their language, it was broken in small parts in an attempt to pronounce the lands surrounding England. Ivar, Harald and even Ubbe traced their fingers across maps displayed on parchments and cloth. I watched them intently, I made out small parts in terms of raiding, which was a typical Viking practice. Something that caused my family to sell me off like cattle, but I instead not think about that at this moment.

I think back to Ama’s words in an attempt to calm my anxieties. I notice the conversation became focused on some regions of Mercia. There was not much in Mercia, my father admitted to me so. It was not as fruitful as others that I knew of. They traced their finger past canals and circled around Paris. Ama’s words echo in my head. Prove to them that being Christian is but a distraction, so when you can prove them all wrong, they know to mess with the Queen of Kattegat.

“There is a trade outpost disguised as a ministry on the coast of West Francia. My father has made many attempts at trades with them, they’re known largely for their medicine and gold exports throughout Paris and Mercia.” Everyone’s eyes turn to look at me, Ivar and I catch eyes, but he’s quick to downcast them to the map.

“How do you know, you are but a Saxon woman?” Harald speaks first with arms crossed and a blank look on his face. A thick foreign accent accompanies his question. I swallow hard and think back to Ama’s words before I speak,

“I may be a woman, but I have been raised amongst the franks and the Saxon men, I know who the enemy is, and I know who is most worth your time. If I am just any woman, why would I be standing here revealing a secret trade post that only the Saxon know of to the people who I should fear?” They all seem shocked by my answer, and Harald almost seemed pleased with my words.

I looked to Ivar as he looks up to me with his head down, I nod before heading towards the door, “I hope my advice has helped. I will be in our quarters, painting, husband.” Taking a moment to emphasise the words painting. I can’t believe I said that.

TAGLIST: @youbloodymadgenius​ @soleil-dor​ @alexa4040​ @secondratecomplaint​ @rose1729 @lol-haha-joke​ @vicmackeybullshxt @poisonous00​

X

What’s funny is “putang ina mo” which is used as son of a bitch/fuck you/fuck literally means your mother is a whore in Tagalog. So I don’t know why my ancestors decided to name their delicious cakes puto.

I know when I eat something good I call them tasty little bitches. Maybe they had the same thought process? 🤷🏾‍♀️ 🤣

one of my favourite linguistic phenomena/in-jokes is spanish potato chips being “ham-flavored, probably”