I Felt Like Being Emotionally Destroyed Today, So I Watched The Dub Of Episode 151 Of MHA. I Don't Know

I felt like being emotionally destroyed today, so I watched the dub of episode 151 of MHA. I don't know what it is about Izuku's face when he comes careening out of the sky like a fucking warhead and sees the state of the fight but it gets to me every single time in both languages. He looks positively haunted and it makes me want to cry, my poor son. Anywho, to recover, I decided to go rewatch 136 and 137, which are my favorite episodes of the entire goddamn series and I realized it's high time I do a little rant about them.

This is mostly for me because, again, I don't have anyone to rant about this with and I have got to get these emotions out of me somehow, but I hope someone else finds it enjoyable!

Welcome to Lizzy's MHA Evening Ramble: Why MHA episodes 136 (Deku vs. Class A) and 137 (A Young Woman's Declaration) are what really show us the impact Izuku has had on the people around him (specifically Class 1-A).

Honestly, I don't have much science to back up this post. There's not really a psychological reason behind why these episodes slap, but they do and I'm gonna talk about it.

You see, for better or for worse, everyone in Class-A has a different and unique personality. That much is obvious, I know, but that also means each of them have different things that impact them. Think about it, what means a lot to one person doesn't so much to another.

And yet, despite that, every single one of them had something to say to Deku. Every single one of them. For some of them, it was as simple as helping them organize their notes. For others, it was something he said or did that has followed them through the entire show.

"Meddling where you don't technically have to is the essence of being a hero, right?"

Izuku said that one time to Tenya. One time. But that, accompanied by his actions that night, became the corner stone of what Tenya strove to become.

They all voted to go after Izuku–not even voted, they all just got up and went. No second thoughts, no questions, they just went. They literally slapped a GPS out of Endeavor's hand so they could find him. They were not about to take no for an answer, not even from Izuku himself. It's insane, honestly, that one person managed to impact a group so deeply they'd risk everything to bring him back to their class.

I think a lot of the time, we think of difficult or unhealthy relationships as those where you give and give and give and the other person refuses to the same. No one really tells you what to do when someone you love dearly is giving so much it's hurting them, but they refuse to receive. It's an odd situation, but one I love seeing explored.

Could they have just let him go on his own? Fight by himself because that's what he wanted? Yeah, they totally could've. But they didn't, because they knew if the roles were reversed, Izuku wouldn't have thought twice about hunting them down. They weren't victims, they didn't want to be protected, they wanted to kick ass at his side.

They didn't do it out of heroism or even necessity I'd argue, they did it because that was their friend and they'd be damned if they let him suffer alone.

Still, despite that, Izuku wanted to protect them and he was so, so scared to lose them. It makes sense, in a sad, twisted way, that he would rather keep them locked away behind a wall and fight alone than let them stand at his side. He was haunted by the shit the people around him went through because of Shigaraki and AFO. It's far easier to blame yourself for things than it is to admit that it wasn't your fault and, sometimes, nothing could've done would've changed the outcome. I have no doubt it would've felt like he killed them himself if he went back and something happened, and the thought of that was far more terrifying than any threat to his own person. Of course he wanted to fight alone, he didn't want to fathom the possibility someone else would get hurt because they were around him.

But that wasn't for him to decide.

Sometimes, we forget a relationship goes two ways. It was dangerous for them to be there, sure, but that was a choice they made. A choice they wanted to make. They couldn't make him let them help, but he couldn't make them go away either. I have no doubt that if he got away that day, they'd have followed him to the ends of the earth until he gave in.

It's also easy to forget Izuku is just a kid. He's sixteen, barely in high school. Ochaco says as much when she pleads with the crowds to let him in. Her voice cracks as she begs this group mostly made of ADULTS to let a boy rest inside the walls of his own school. He probably doesn't physically know how to deal with these kinds of emotions yet (the frontal lobe, responsible in part for our emotional reactions to situations, doesn't fully develop until around 25/26, and even then research suggests it's never really fully done). It probably makes perfect sense to him that the best course of action is to be alone, even if it seems stupid to us.

We all need support at any age, but especially during those teenage years. Those are vital years of development as the mind develops and starts to take shape. Izuku has been beaten, traumatized, and terrified, it's no wonder he seems to be making such irrational decisions.

No kid should be carrying the weight of the entire goddamn world on their shoulders at that age and, of course, no one could've predicted that AFO was going to accelerate the process and force Deku to face him, but that doesn't make it any better.

However, that's the great thing about having friends, families, and partners, they come alongside you in those times and help you navigate this crazy new situation. They pick up the things you can't handle because they want to. Sometimes, they just stand next to you. Sometimes you have them lean on you for support. And, sometimes, they shoulder up next to you and carry you for a bit so you can catch your breath.

Because that's what you'd do for them.

Whenever I watch these episodes, I'm reminded of that scene in Lord of the Rings where Frodo thinks he can't go on and Sam says, "I can't carry the ring, but I can carry you!" I think this has similar vibes.

They couldn't carry One for All, but they could carry Izuku, and they were determined to do at least that.

I sent this to my brother because he’s the one who got me into MHA, and I’d like to reenact our conversation for everyone.

Me: *send the picture*

Bro: YES PLEASE

Bro: Stupid meme heroes

Me: If I were saved by someone named the Rizzler I’d just do throw myself back at the villain

Bro: What if the hero was also named the sizzler

Bro: *Rizzler

Me: Then I’d just find a cliff

And I’d have no regrets, Deku was really out here doing the Lord’s work by keeping those names off the streets.

I really hate that I’d love to write an MHA fanfic but I am TERRIFIED to write from the perspective of any character that is not my own. 😂 Also any ideas I have are completely half-baked and I am afraid to start a project that I may not finish.

An Exercise in Futility (Part 3)

(I'm wondering if I should just bite the bullet and post this on AO3 when finish it because it's already at like 4k words and I don't think Tumblr can handle that 😅)

Part One, Part Two

The sky was a deep, gloomy gray, bathing the world in a thin layer of rain and ice. The resulting cold hit him like a block of ice to the throat, drawing several prominent coughs from deep in his lungs. 

Thankfully, he didn’t have to tolerate it for long. Hisashi’s black sedan sat just under the awning, shielding him from the downpour that had started not long before his pretend appointment. Wrapping his arms around himself, and sped over to the car and hopped in the back seat, hacking quietly into the back of his hand. The leather of his seat was already pleasantly warm when he got in, it was almost like climbing into a preheated oven. It waved away the cold, shoving it out as Yoichi yanked the door shut behind him.

As he reached up to grab his seatbelt, he found himself fumbling with the strap. Despite only being in the elements for a total of ten seconds, he was still trembling, cold eating away at him as he drew his oversized coat a little tighter around him.

His hand was still plastered over his mouth, flecks of discolored phlegm coating it. He resisted the urge to groan at the sight of it. Reaching into his pocket, his heart froze as he was met with just fabric. After a few seconds of patting frantically, it dawned on him that he’d left the one piece of medical equipment he’d continued to use on his bathroom counter that morning. He didn’t have time to panic, however, as an inhaler was pressed into his shaking hand. He jumped, eyes widening as he looked up to see Hisashi staring at him with that special kind of intensity he gained when he wasn’t sure whether or not Yoichi was in danger.

“H-hey–” Yoichi managed, his weak attempt at a smile devolving into a fit as he doubled over, spitting up a particularly thick piece of mucus out into his hand. 

Hisashi shook off his loose grip on the inhaler and instead brought it to Yoichi’s mouth himself and using his free hand to brace the back of his brother’s neck. He paused his wheezing just long enough for his brother to administer the inhaler, holding his breath for several consecutive seconds to let the medication do its job before he exhaled again. Hisashi, however, wasn’t satisfied until he’d taken two or three more inhales and was no longer actively choking on his own oxygen.

Yoichi took a shuddering breath as his brother leaned over and secured his seat belt while he recovered. He frowned down at his hand, sticky with phlegm, and started rooting around in his bag for a kleenex or some form of tissue. He was already off to a bad start, he didn’t need Hisashi seeing the faint speckles of what was probably blood on his hand.

But, for better or for worse, his brother was already on top of it, handing him one of the fancy handkerchiefs he kept tucked into the pockets of all his suit coats. Yoichi cringed as he dirtied the soft, silky piece of fabric, but he did feel a lot better after cleaning the sick off himself. Strategically folding it, he shoved it into the pocket of his coat before turning to face his brother with an actual smile.

“Hi!” He croaked. “I didn’t know you were coming to get me today.” 

Hisashi looked him over slowly before answering. “I realized you neglected to bring your inhaler after you left and figured it would be better if I brought it myself. I also wanted to be sure you got the notes from the doctor this time, since you always seem to forget, little brother.”

Yoichi’s heart started beating a little faster as he smiled, sheepishly replying. “Yeah…I guess I do that a lot, but can you blame me? They always tell me the same thing every time, it’s not like I can’t remember it long enough to tell you.” He straightened up, adjusting imaginary spectacles on his nose and began reciting. “BP–118 over 79, 80 BPM, FEV1–62%–”

“Only 62%?” Hisashi interrupted as he turned up his nose. “That’s rather low, even for you.”

“Shit.” Yoichi thought. He must’ve mixed up the numbers from before he had his last hospitalization. Thankfully, a lie sprung into action before he’d even finished panicking. “Yeah, the doctor said that’s normal since it got cold all of a sudden, nothing to write home about, but obviously he’ll check on it again next time.”

Hisashi hummed, and Yoichi tried not to fidget under his brother’s gaze. After a few uncomfortable seconds, his older brother let out a quiet sigh and gestured for the driver to take them home. Yoichi resisted the urge to sigh as well, instead blowing a few strands of white hair out of his face as he tucked his legs under himself. A quiet ding from Hisashi’s phone drew his brother’s attention, but with his free hand he took a travel mug out of the cupholder and handed it to Yoichi. 

The sleeve was still hot, warming the tips of his fingers as he cradled it to his chest. He gave it a little sniff, catching a faint whiff of mint. Taking a cautious sip, he found the liquid to be pleasantly warm, as always. He would’ve liked it to be a little hotter, but alas, he had taken a while to get settled, so it was his own fault really. Leaning back against the seat, he tucked both his legs up to curl into a ball on the seat. Hisashi glanced over at him, eyebrows pinched. Yoichi smiled, waving as he took another sip. 

“Thank you, brother.” He hummed. “It’s perfect.”

Hisashi nodded, looking back at his phone as he held out a hand. Yoichi stared at it for one second, then two, but his brother didn’t say anything, just crooked his fingers. After a few more seconds of nothing, Hisashi leaned over the middle seat without breaking his attention from his phone and reached into Yoichi’s coat pocket, rummaging around. Coming up empty handed, he leaned even further to dig into the other pocket, pulling out the reminder card. Yoichi let out a quiet “ohhh” before taking another sip of his drink, watching his brother right himself and bring the piece of cardstock back.

 Hisashi’s eyes jumped from his phone to the card, back to his phone again. The corners of his lips turned down ever so slightly, and he held the card a little closer to his face, squinting at it. Yoichi froze, drink halfway to his lips. He frantically tried to recall whether or not he’d missed anything. Helga was always incredibly thorough, but could she have forgotten a detail? No, there really weren’t any details to miss, so what could’ve set his brother off?

“Breathe, Yoichi.” Hisashi said absentmindedly before setting the card down and picking up his inhaler. 

Yoichi sucked in a sharp breath, sitting up straight. “Sorry.” He waved away the offered inhaler, “s’ fine, I don’t need it.”

Hisashi held it out anyway, gesturing for him to grab it.

Yoichi couldn’t hold back his sigh, but resisted the urge to roll his eyes, “really, big brother, I’m fine, it’s just a little cough–”

“Yoichi.” Hisashi narrowed his eyes, cutting him a look as he pushed it a little further. 

The message was clear: “Do it, or I do it for you.”

Yoichi swallowed, shrinking away as he cradled his drink to his chest. The two brother stared at each other, but the younger knew he’d already lost. Face twisting into a frown, he thrust out his hand with palm up. Hisashi let out an airy chuckled, setting the device in Yoichi’s hand and gently closing his fingers around, giving them a little pat. Yanking his hand back, he shoved the inhaler between his lips and took in a dose. Holding his breath, he slowly counted as the medication sat in his lungs.

Hisashi watched on, waiting until he was sure Yoichi had actually administered it before he spoke. “I’m coming with to your next appointment, I have some concerns that I want to address with your practitioner–”

“I can do it!” Yoichi jumped, practically spitting the drug back out as he clambered to sit up straight. “I…what are you concerned about?”

“That was only five seconds, little brother.” He scolded. “You’re supposed to hold it for ten. Try again–”

“–But–”

 “Now.”

Something about his tone made Yoichi want to stamp his foot, but he settled for a half grunt and the eyeroll he’d suppressed earlier. He was well aware he was being a little pendulant, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care. However, another stern glare from his brother had him obediently taking another shot of his inhaler, folding his arms over his chest as he gestured for his brother to speak while the medicine went to work.

Hisashi drew his answer out another few seconds before he replied. “I don’t like how tired you’ve become lately. I can barely get you out of bed in the morning and half the time you’re back in it before the sun sets. It can’t be a normal side effect, and if it is, then it’s time to change medications. Not to mention, your coughing is getting worse, don’t think I haven’t seen the blood–Yoichi Shigaraki do not open your mouth prematurely again, let me finish–or heard you tossing at turning at night. It's excessive, and I’m no longer confident in this specialist’s ability to treat you. But, I want to see their incompetence with my own eyes first before I move you elsewhere…”

Yoichi’s heart sank. He thought he’d been doing well at keeping the harsher side effects of his illness hidden, but he understood he should’ve known better than to expect Hisashi to be oblivious to his declining state much longer. Honestly, it was a full-blown miracle he’d been able to carry on with the deception as long as he had. And, to think, it wasn’t even the staff who gave it away, it was Yoichi’s own negligence in continuing his treatments.

“There’s a new doctor here in Japan I’d like to get you into actually. I began vetting him during your last…visit, and I think he may be just what you need to see some improvement–”

“What’s the point.” The phase slipped out before Yoichi even realized he’d been thinking it. 

In fact, he didn’t know he had said it out loud as he let his attention drift out the window, eyes tracing the raindrops as they trickled down the glass. They were approaching the manor, having just passed through the oversized gates that guarded the estate. Honestly, they were less of guards and more decorations. Hisashi had said so himself, apparently the official who had lived there before them had a wife that adored the delicate white columns and glassy beading, however impractical it was. Still, despite proclaiming its uselessness, his brother kept them for some reason. Yoichi couldn't fathom why, his brother was always so practical, and they were just big, pretty, ornately designed pieces of metal that would probably tip right over if you pushed them hard enough.

Just like Yoichi.

“…what did you say?”

I don’t know if it’s this way for anyone else, but watching the anime after reading the manga still feels like this whole different experience. Like I read the manga of Toga’s/Ochaco’s fight and it was like sad, yeah, but after watching the anime episode it just, it actually hits yk?

Like she’s gonna die, it’s over now.

It’s all almost over.

…That realization hurts more than I wish it did. As much as I say things like “literally sobbing over here”, I’m not a media crier. Like the only piece of media that has ever made me shed tears was HXH, but I think when the dub comes around, this season is gonna have me crying.

I know that fandoms in general get a bad rap, and yeah, the MHA fandom had/has its issues, but honestly it’s been one of my favorite parts about watching this show and one of the reasons I’ve stuck around. It’s amazing to get to see what everyone else sees, how they envision the ending, how they wanted to see it play out.

The ending of MHA wasn’t perfect, but honestly, I don’t think a franchise of this size could ever come up with a 100% satisfying ending, and that’s okay. But that opens a door, I get to come here and see a thousand different ways it could’ve been for free. I get to see people inspired by those who don’t even exist.

It’s hard to explain how I feel about this show and this fandom without sounding cringy, but what the hell, no one knows who I am so fuck it. Everyone here? In the MHA space? I got one thing to say to you:

Y’all are great, y’all are talented, and y’all deserve the world, I mean that. I hope I keep seeing you in this space, that we can keep creating crazy shit to make each other laugh and cry.

Thanks everyone, it’s been a fucking blast and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

An Exercise in Futility - Part 5 and Beyond

In honor of Season 7 ending, I finally sat down and got this piece finished and posted to AO3! Feels really weird after years of just lurking and reading on there, to finally have a fic to my name, but that's beside the point. Those who have read parts 1-4, you can scroll down to “…I’m tired of being alive, Hisashi, I can’t do it anymore" and of from there!

Like I said over there, I have a few ideas for how to continue this AU, but I don't know if I'll do anything with them yet. So, for now, enjoy this!

An Exercise in Futility (6299 words) by LizzyScribbles Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia (Anime & Manga) Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Sensei | All For One & Yoichi | First One For All User Characters: Yoichi | First One For All User (My Hero Academia), Sensei | All For One Additional Tags: Yandere Sensei | All For One, Platonic Yandere, Chronic Illness, Terminal Illnesses, Suicidal Thoughts, Just general AFO being a creep, shocker I know Summary: Futility was a funny word, one Yoichi was well acquainted with, even at the ripe old age of sixteen.