Interested In Going Full Cottage Core? Here's Some Stuff You Need To Expect (from A Hobbit-lookin' Gal

Interested in going full cottage core? Here's some stuff you need to expect (from a hobbit-lookin' gal who grew up in the woods):

1) dead animals. Dead rodents, specifically. No matter how well you clean, the mice and rats will come. And your cat will find them. And they will bring their bloodied corpses to you and expect praise. If you do not have cats (which automatically disqualifies you from being cottage core, sorry I don't make the rules), small furry creatures will find other ways to die inside your house. You will find them in your attic. You will find them in your drawers. You will find them under your bed. They are most definitely inside your walls. You may not know it, but you definitely have a wall full of dead squirrels.

Also, *do not get a pool*. It's just another place for cute animals to die and then be discovered by your very impressionable and easily traumatized young children. Also, they're impossible to keep clean. If you're truly cottage core, you swim in a river or lake or ice-cold pond created by the snowmelt. It's better for the drought anyway.

2) BIG dead animals. You want to keep goats? Maybe sheep? That's great. Just know that at least three of them will die suddenly at the worst time, either from snakebite or illness or coyote attack or because they literally just decided to lie down under a nice tree and peacefully pass with literally no explanation. And then you will have to figure out how to bury them. And then how to have the Death Talk with your young, impressionable children who may or may not already be traumatized by the drowned fox they found in the pool a week ago.

Besides good fencing/livestock shelters, or maybe getting a livestock gaurdian dog/donkey/llama (no, I am not joking), there is nothing you can do about the mountain lions, bears and coyotes eating your animals. They were there before you. They will be there after you and the rest of humanity are gone. It's harsh, but that is what the song from the Lion King was actually about: Mufasa's right to eat everyone there.

Speaking of which:

3) you share the land. You do not own it. Oh, you think the bear cares that you bought this patch of forest with money and you don't like him eating your goats and/or peaches?? You can try showing him the deed and the NO TRESPASSING signs, but somehow I don't think that'll work.

Nature does not care. It will do as it does. No matter how good you are at singing and how many birds you befriend. Again, harsh. But not utterly insane. If you respect nature, it will not respect you, but you will at least know what to expect. So gopher-proof your garden. And get a cat.

4) coyote howling is actually quite lovely. Once you get over how eerie it sounds.

5) frogs are LOUD. They are so FREAKING loud. Some nights they will be SO loud you will not be able to sleep. Do not entice them into your yard with a pond unless you are willing to bear the consequences.

6) birds are LOUD. There is no need for a morning alarm, they ARE your alarm. You may think this sounds lovely, but you may not be feeling that way at 6 am on a Saturday after being kept up all night by the frogs.

7) think you'll go barefoot everywhere? Or at least have a good pair of Birkenstocks? No, my child, you will need to invest in at least 6 pairs of gumboots that will mostly be mud by the time spring comes around. Hiking boots are for summer. Unless you're ready for poison oak and ticks. Again, there is nothing you can do about that. Unless you are willing to take the risk and get a brush-eating goat. Even then, remember the snakes I mentioned earlier?

8) you will get desensitized to horror movie scenarios real quick. A cabin in the woods? Bro, that's my house. A pair of red eyes in the dark? That's just a coyote. Maybe a wandering dog. And even if it was a demon, how would it get in my house? That sucker's locked up tight. Creepy noises at night? Like, say, a woman screaming? That's probably a mountain lion or a fox. Yeah, they do that.

You quickly find that the bad things actually tend to happen to people who did not do their nature research as I explained above. Like, say, camping with grizzly bears. Or eating something they found in the woods. What kind of idiot are you??? The kind that eats berries they don't know the name of but think they look like blackberries. That's who.

9) what neighbors you have, may not be the... friendliest. There's a reason people move out this far, and it's usually to get away from other people. Are they marijuana farmers? Probably. Do they want to murder you? What, no, they don't want to get into trouble. They moved here to AVOID trouble. Just keep yourself to yourself and you'll be fine. But definitely make some friends in town. There is a town near you, right?

10) once you get over that initial learning curve/trauma, you will find that the forest actually is a really peaceful place to live. You know the patterns. You learn to read the weather. You are at peace with the fact that your beloved goats may die, but for now, you have succeeded in protecting them. As scary as the wilderness can be, it's far less scary than living with other humans. I'd rather deal with the peach-stealing bear (I am SO onto you) than the creepy dude who lives in the apartment below mine. Humans are far more unpredictable and weird than nature is. But that's just my *opinion*.

Okay, them's my thoughts. Anyone want to add/critique?

Darktober 7

"... Mz. Collins (she rather coolly corrected me when I called her Mrs. Stoddard-Collins) told me I'd be living up on the third floor, in the "attic room". "I hope that's acceptable," she said, "the name is a bit ominous, I know, but I promise it's comfortable."

"I don't mind! It sounds lovely." I said, very sincerely. After all the shared bedrooms, rundown houses and sketchy, cheap studio apartments I've lived in (and also shared), a spooky attic sounded rather wholesome.

Right then, we all heard the sound of old hinges creaking as the double doors were cracked open.

"Oh, there you are! I was just about to mention you." Mz. Collins said. She was smiling, but there was concern furrowing her brow. "Victoria, this is David. David, this is Victoria Winters, your new tutor. She'll start teaching you on Monday."

I turned, ready to greet the wide-eyed little boy I'd been told I was going to teach (and nanny, but I noticed that Mz. Collins had left that part out). Instead, I met a pair of large, glinting brown eyes that stared at me unblinkingly - not filled with nervousness at meeting a stranger, but genuine, decidedly violent hostility. His wild blonde hair was tangled and full of leaves and twigs, his clothes covered in dust and dirt, torn in a few places. Clearly, he'd been running wild in the woods all day. How appropriate, given how much he reminded me of trickster fairies from European mythology - the ones who are just as likely to stab you as help you.

"Hi, David." I said, pasting a well-trained friendly smile on my face. "It's nice to meet you."

He stayed silent. If anything, his expression became even more hostile.

"David." Mz. Collins spoke quietly behind me. "Say hello, at least."

David's mouth twisted slightly, and he looked down at his shoes. He clearly wasn't happy to meet me, but he wasn't going to say no to his aunt. "Hi." he muttered, word barely perceptible. And with that, he disappeared, running up the stairs in the foyer.

Mz. Collins sighed. "David is a good boy." she said. "I promise."

As summer starts to wind down, I think we could all use a nice little souvenir from the season to help get us through the winter months. My own summer memories are very peach-centered, as I remember getting excited as a kid for the peaches to ripen on our little peach tree at home, grown from a tough lil peach pit someone threw away by our garage. This print is 100% available as both a piece of wall art AND a card over on my INPRNT shop! Click those words to check it out and help me pay for ice cream (and groceries/rent/student loan debt) if you are able and you like my work! I'm juggling a PhD program and arting, so all support is most welcome.

Also I am gonna be getting ready for autumn and All Hallow's Eve pretty soon, so if y'all are into that.... keep checking back!

Darktober 9

"September 12, 2019

My name is Victoria Winters.

I don't usually remember any of my dreams. But I can't forget this one."

From a year ago, during that time I was by myself in Scotland taking care of a puppy and two cats and suddenly got super sick, but didn't know it was COVID until I turned over on my bed and realized that there was a giant pile of dog poop right there by my mattress and I could not smell it. I did not regain my sense of smell or taste for roughly two months. Not as bad as others have experienced, but not fun. I couldn't even enjoy my beloved Ben&Jerry's.

Darktober 3

"September 11, 2019

My name is Victoria Winters.

Praise be to the gods, universe, and everything, I have made it to Collinwood (separate from Collinsport, apparently!) intact. Turns out the job offer was legitimate after all and I don't have to worry about kidnapping. Yet.

It's strange. I've never felt so... unsettled, before. Growing up in the foster system, "unsettled" was just my default. I never "settled" anywhere, so how could I feel "unsettled"? But here..."