Am I Enough PT 17

Am I Enough PT 17

Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst a bunch of angst

A/N: I can’t believe I finished this. I want to apologize, I was only asking if people were still reading because it motivates me to write and as the chapters came out the fewer people noted it. From the first chapter had 300 + notes and chapter 15 had about 30. THANK YOU ALL for reading and I hope you enjoy this next chapter. I’m seeing only a few more chapters but I’ll let you know.

You bolted.

Ran as fast as your stupid heels would let you.

You didn’t look back.

Didn’t listen to their pleas as you stumbled towards the elevator trying to balance yourself.

To others, it would appear like you were merely drunk stumbling against the walls. Finally, the doors shut, not before seeing their faces. Your back met the wall and your legs gave out from the shaking. Your mind was racing. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, why would he?

The door opens to your floor but you can’t find the strength to move lucky for you there is a man waiting on the floor quickly catching the door before it sent you right back to where you didn’t want to be.

“FRIDAY, hold the elevator,” Tony whispered, without a word the doors remained open. Tony slid down the wall, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, before pulling you into him. It started with a single tear, Tony watched it fall, his heartbreaking, wondering how such a girl could ever end so broken in the corner of an elevator.

The rest of the team soon emerged from the next elevator over. Bucky was the first to come in view, you quickly turned into Tony burying your head into his neck, refusing look at him. Tony’s suit was soon soaked in tears and your shoulders shook against his grasp.

“FRIDAY, close the doors send us to my room.” The doors begin to shut. “Stay away Barnes, you’ve done enough.” With that, the doors shut, sending you up once more.

As the doors opened Tony helped you off the ground, walking you into the sitting area of his apartment before placing you on the couch. He quickly walks over to the bar to grab you a glass of the hard stuff, once done coming over and making sure you drink it.

“There you are, sweetheart, I got you. What happened?” He wraps his hand once more around your shoulders. Suddenly the doors ding and they both tense swinging to see who it was. To their relief it was Wanda, she quickly hurried over to you almost pushing Tony away as she pulls you into her.

“Draga, are you alright? You suddenly ran from the party. What happened?” She runs her hands over your hair shushing the cries coming from you.

“He… they…” You were choking on your own tears trying your hardest to contain them.

“Deep breath, Draga. It’s alright, take your time. Would you like some water or tea? Might help you calm down then we can talk about what happened. No rush though.” She continued to stroke your hair and travel down to your back. You nodded your head not trusting your voice. She doesn’t move but you can tell from the red in her eyes she was making the tea for you.

“Ok, black or green tea?” She asks gently. You whisper your answer. “Sugar or honey?” In a couple minutes the tea was floating over to you. Wrapping your hands around the mug you shakily lift the glass to your lips.

The warmth of the tea seems to calm you down a little. You take some deep breaths as you continue drinking.Tony and Wanda hover nearby, occasionally placing their hands rubbing their hands up and down your arms, merely assuring you that they were still there.

You finally set an empty cup down. You take a deep breath before looking at them both. You settle on Wanda, “When we were talking I noticed that Bucky had been gone awhile even though it was just to refill our drinks. So I thought maybe he got hung up talking with the guys.You pointed me towards the balcony,”You gesture towards Tony before taking a fortifying breath preparing yourself to continue.”So I headed over there and as I was opening the door I saw that hair. That red hair and his arm, and suddenly it was like that night so long ago. They were so close to each other like they were kissing or something. I….I don’t want to know. I don’t care what they were doing.” Your breath is coming in shorter bursts, your mind was reeling trying to recall everything but still trying to forget it at the same time. “I can’t .. I don’t want to remember. But at the same time, I want to know why. Why does he always chose her? I thought it was getting better. It was like it used to be like I was the only woman in the whole world. So why? Why is she so special? Why Am I Not Enough?”

You couldn’t continue, hyperventilating Wanda helps you bend over trying to control the amount of airflow. She continues to rub your back but she has added in quiet whispers, you cannot discern the meaning as she is speaking her mother tongue but it seems to be helping as you can breathe just a little easier. A few very stubborn tears make their way out and you lean your head into the crook of Wanda’s neck burrowing to get away from all the pain.

The elevator opens once more and out walks Sam frantically searching the room. When he sees you tucked on the couch he quickly walks towards you collapsing to his knees in front of you. You peel yourself away and throw yourself into the proven safe arms.

“Hey,” he grips on tight almost as if he can keep you together if he just holds on tight enough. “Hey baby girl, I just talked to Steve and Bucky. They said you ran into the elevator. What happened?”

You were getting a little tired of that question. Why wouldn’t they just let it go? They could talk to each other. The only thing you wanted to do now escaped into the beautiful oblivion that is sleep and forgets it all. Even if you had to face the truth tomorrow. The adrenaline was finally leaving you, with it came only whatever alcohol coursed through and you fell limp against Sam. Letting go of every ounce of control and strength left, leaving yourself completely in Sam’s care.

“You can take her to the guest room” Sam lifts you up into his arms while Tony shows the way. “Third door on the right. Let her sleep, we can explain what went down when you get back.” Sam merely nods before heading out.

He gently places you on the bed, pulling off your shoes gently tucking your legs underneath the blanket. He moved on to your hair pulling out any hairpins letting it fall down. When a tap on the door comes Wanda quickly drops off a glass of water with some aspirin before leaving quickly. Sam holds it up waiting for you to drink it. Finally, he goes to the bathroom grabbing a washcloth.

It is warm on your face as he wipes away your makeup erasing the tear tracks and soothing your eyes as he folds it gently upon your eyes. “Go to sleep baby girl I’ll be here in the morning. We can talk then.” He kisses your forehead and sits back. When your breathing evens out he grabs the cloth and exits the room quietly.

He wonders back into the main area to see the whole group, Bucky and Nat included. Walking around to the front so that he can take in every single one of them. Saying there was tension was an understatement, it ran thick through the group each one eyeing the other trying to figure out who was to blame.He makes eye contact with each one settling each one into their seats.

“Now, I think this is going to be a civil and informative conversation. Each of you will have a chance to speak until we are all on the same page. I don’t want to hear a single thing out of any of you. It is about time we get we our heads and facts straight.” He glares at each of them showing them a rare sight of how he truly works. “Let me remind you right now we are here because we all love her to different degrees keep that in mind. I want to hear from you, Tony, about what happened after (Y/N) left the party.”

Tony proceeds to recount the story an obvious hostile tone directed straight at the two offenders. Wanda can be seen nodding her head agreeing but as she takes in the emotions of the two in question. There is something about the remorse and the pain she is feeling, but mostly it is the lack of guilt or shame. She cocks her head taking in the two, they weren’t touching, weren’t even making eye contact with each other. In fact, they seemed at peace with each other like they had a full understanding of where they stood with each other.

Tony wraps up spitting some final insults. Sam shushes him, turning to the two in question, he gestures for them to start. Natasha begins stating everything almost like she was in a mission debrief making every point clear and concise. She had sought Bucky out, spurred on by the need to clear the air and finally be free of this burden.

“I saw Bucky approach us, Sam and I, at the bar. He was refilling (Y/N)’s drink. We started up a conversation and I thought now was a good time as ever to get it done. I figured we could finish it and move on enjoy the rest of the evening with his lady and I could enjoy the rest of the night. I wanted a more quiet environment make sure I left nothing out. We started to head to the balcony until Bucky stopped me and had Sam follow us. Figured we could have someone mediate for us and make sure there would be no misunderstandings if someone walked up. As you can tell that didn’t really go to plan.” She leans forward and buries her head in her hands. “It was because (Y/N) had found us talking the other day. I could see it in her eyes that she still had her doubts. I couldn’t get the sight out of my head. I want my best friend back and I figured the best way to do that was to figure out where I stand with Bucky and to make sure we both understood our positions.” She trails off, her eyes are glistening with tears.

As she falls silent eyes cast to the floor Bucky picks up, telling his story. “There is not much to say, it’s as she says. We talked and once we realized that we would never be anything ever and how much I love (Y/N), we hugged and that’s when I  heard her gasp. By the time I got inside Tony was taking care of her and told me not to come near her.”

The room falls silent as they each get lost in their thoughts, making their own connections and coming to conclusions. As they each affirmed their ideas they looked up and glanced at each other.

“Well, I’m guessing we have all come to the same conclusion. So now the only question is how do we get our girl to see the same thing as we do?” Sam is leaning against a wall and thinking about how to go about this.

For the next couple hours, the group started coming up with idea and plans. They worked like the well-oiled machine that they were and the best part was they working towards making the one person who held the group together the happiest they could.

When the sun rose the next day, they would start Operation Glue.

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Me again! Please ignore my previous ask. Just found your masterlist!

I'm glad you found it!

Why? Just Why?

Bucky X Reader; Steve; Avengers

Warnings: Fluffy Fluff

Summary: Reader wants to make a meal for the group but with the way they eat she needs to pull out the big guns. She heads to Sam’s Club to find all her goods without breaking the bank.

A/N: I know I’m horrible for not updating the 2 stories I have been working on but this has been rattling around in my head.

There was a relaxing excitement in the air. Barely passed breakfast and the team was draped over various pieces of furniture, Sam was flipping through Netflix never really settling on a movie. No one seemed to mind though each was enjoying having a moment to do absolutely nothing. The group had decided that they would spend the day together but none really had the energy to actually plan anything besides sitting and watching some TV.

You came strolling in having left to grab a book, you survey the scene in front of you taking in the various positions available to you to sit. Suddenly an idea came to mind, it was something your family had always done on family nights.

“Hey how about I make dinner this evening? Nothing better than a home-cooked meal to round out a lazy day.” You watched the whole group perk up, like excited puppy dogs, you could almost see some tails wagging.

“Well, I guess that answers that question.” You giggle as the group nods their heads quickly. You set your book down on a side table. “Let me grab my purse, I have some shopping to do.” You pause swinging back around to take in the group. You realize that you have 2 super soldiers, a god, a hulk and a man with an apparent endless stomach. “I’m thinking Sam’s Club should have enough.” You start back towards your room.

Upon your return, Steve and Bucky are waiting each has a questioning look upon their face. “What is this Sam’s Club and why will it solve our feeding problem?” Steve asks timidly like he should know the answer but is ashamed to admit he doesn’t.

You place a hand on his shoulder, “Hey don’t sweat it, not everyone has experienced the greatness that is Sam’s Club. How about this why don’t you both come with me? Heavens knows I will probably need the 2 of you to get the stuff back here anyway.” You head to the elevator with your tagalongs. On your way to one of the world’s best places.

Pulling up to the building, Steve and Bucky can only take in the unassuming building. You climbed out calling to the boys. “Well come along, we can’t spend too much time here.”

They quickly followed. Grabbing a cart you flashed the front door man your card before heading inside. The boys slowly walked in behind her. When they finally got a clear view they stopped. Their jaws were dragging the floor trying to take in everything that was displayed in front of them.

“What? What is all this?” Bucky had a dumbfounded look on his face.

“This is the magic of Sam’s Club. It’s bulk buying at a cheaper cost. It’s usually for businesses that need supplies, or things for the office. A lot of this can be resold in individuals. If they are hosting events or just need something for the office. Of course, there are families that come here because they buy in bulk to save money and have plenty of mouths to feed. Hence why we came here.”

They weakly nod their heads. “So all this stuff is cheaper because you’re buying so much at once?” Bucky is still trying to wrap his head around the idea.

“Yup, it’s like a warehouse. So come on we have shopping to do.” You start to push the cart away only to find they haven’t followed. You backpedal, placing one of their hands on the side of the cart. “Ok, here hold on to the cart, Don't let go I don’t want you to get lost.” You talk slowly so they could understand. They nod and start moving with the cart.

You start heading through the aisles not really paying any mind to what was there you were focused on sales and food. Unfortunately, the guys had to pick something up and ask why there needed to be so many of certain things. You were barely through half the store before you reached the clearance section of the store. You quickly worked through the area judging if the price was worth it or would this jacket look nice. You grabbed a couple shirts and a nice big pack of socks. The boys were looking over some shoes and t-shirts.

“What you think Stevie? This one or the blue one.” Bucky them up trying to decide.

“I don’t really know they both look nice though you do need a little more color in your wardrobe maybe do the blue.” Steve ponders.

You can’t help the laugh that comes out. “You both realize those shirts are only $4 each right?” They look down at the bin seeing the big sign attached to it.

They look at each other before they each grab one of each color. They follow up with a pair of shoes. They dive back in and come up with a couple random kitchen gadgets. Bucky holds up a milkshake blender. “Hey, Doll, may I get this, what does it do?”

“It makes milkshakes, of course, it makes them in larger batches but still. Also, we do have a blender that makes them.” You reply they were falling into the trap of a good deal.

“I know that but this makes just milkshakes, I don’t have to share with anyone. Also not having to worry about those weird “healthy concoctions that Steve makes us drink, mixing in either.” He affirms his decision before placing it in the cart.

Steve has a similar story though he has a dehydrator. He had heard something about making fruit into a yummy snack that he could take on missions, not having to eat so many granola bars. As you start to move away from both their hands found their way to the cart latching on once more. You couldn’t help but chuckle at them. They listened so well it was like shopping with the world’s best-behaved kids, they even had the constant what’s this questions to affirm it. Slipping your phone out you took a picture of the moment. You quickly send it to the group with the simple caption: Shopping with my boys! Couldn’t ask for more well-behaved kids.

You finally reach food and begin to pile things in. The guys found giant boxes of their favorite cereal and a few snacks they always have to constantly buy. You had finally decided to make pulled pork sandwiches with all the fixings. You strolled through the frozen aisles picking up cheesecake for dessert and a veggie blend.

Finally making it to fresh produce, Steve stocks up on different fruit he can use in his new machine. Bucky added items to add to his gallons of ice cream for tonight's milkshakes. You focused on your meal, drifting to the meat selection you browse the pork butt. Steve and Bucky are still attached to the cart. You finally pick out 2 well-marbled pieces both about 15 lbs each. Bucky quickly comes over to grab both from you.

“Wow Doll, do we really need this much? I mean I know we eat a lot but this may be a bit excessive.” He places both in the cart anyway. You pass by the flowers taking a quick look before moving on to your final destination of bread.

“Yup, I have no doubt that once you try this there will be nothing left. If there is it won’t be there for long trust me.” Finally heading to bread you quickly pull a bag of white and wheat rolls to finish off your meal.

Checking out was quick and efficient as is the norm, the guys once again having to scoop their jaws up seeing the price. “No way, how could that only cost that? This is worth twice that amount.” Steve is trying to calculate everything but couldn’t find an answer.

“Like I said the magic of Sam’s Club. Let’s grab some lunch before we head back.” You escort them to the concession stand. “Hey is pizza alright with you guys?” Seeing their nods you grab a slice for each of you along with your cups. Bucky grabs the plates and Steve the cups going to fill them up, already knowing what each of you would drink, though you saw him pause at the sheer number of options to choose from.

Sitting across from Bucky, you place napkins and parmesan in the middle of the table. He is staring at the giant slice of pizza, trying to figure out the need to have a quarter of a large pizza for that price. “Why? Just why?”

Once again you chuckle, shrugging while taking in his astonishment. Eating in silence your group finishes quickly and exit the building and loading up the SUV before starting your trek back to the compound.

Grabbing a cart you walk the small horde of food in, you exit the elevator to see the rest seemingly in the exact same position as when you left. The only indicators of movement being some Chinese containers on the coffee table.

“Sooo, how did your shopping adventure go?” Nat asks sitting up.

Steve and Bucky look at each other and a glazed look comes over their faces. “It was… it was, yeah.” A sign escaping and having absolutely no words to describe what they had just gone through. “But look at all the things we got. Having moved their things to a separate table they showed the group their finds pride evident at the great price they found them at.

Making your way to the kitchen, you proceeded to start dinner. You couldn’t help but listen to the guys as they spun their adventure in the superstore. Getting caught up in the movements you fail to see Bucky sneak in beside you. You end up turning and bumping into him.

“Hey handsome, did you need something?”

“Nope came to check on my girl see if she needed any help and also thank her for a wonderful day so far.” With that, he pulled out a bundle of flowers.

“What? How?” You never even saw him pick them up let alone buy them.

“Master assassin remember?” He leans in a gives you a quick peck on the lips before stepping back.

“Well thanks for this and I should be good for now just want to get this pork cooking and then we should all be good to go.”

Thor stomps in interrupting your moment with Bucky. “What is this club belonging to Sam, how is it that it is so magical and may I get my own club as well?”

The group merely laughs and you can tell this was going to be a great day off.

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Am I Enough PT 14

Bucky X Reader

The excitement of the up coming party continued to build as the week went on. With only one week to go you were trying to pry details out of Tony. Unfortunately it wants working, you were once again stomping out of the office, grumbling about stupid playboys that couldn’t share. This was met with laughter from said person.

“How do you think I became a billionaire, Sweetheart?”

You continue to grumble your way to the kitchen. Find the usual clan gathered you stomp to the fridge yanking the door open. “Oops, someone’s in a foul mood. What’s got you down darling?” Sam slings an arm around you, pulling you in.

“Tony won’t tell me anything about the party.” You send a pout and doe eyes at him. He chuckles and presses a kiss to your temple. “Sam, it’s my party I should have a say in what’s happening.”

“Yes, but we both know that’s not going to happen. Tony likes control too much to let you do that. Plus on the down low it is a great excuse to spoil you.” He runs your shoulder, trying to calm the fire with reason.

“Well, can’t say no to that but he could at least tell me details, color scheme at least.”

“Why? You already have your outfit.”

“So, I would hate to clash, what if its not fancy enough or too fancy. I’ll stick out like a sore thumb.”

“Darling, I think that’s the point it is your party, remember?”

“Gah!!!! You are no help what so ever.” You push him away, going back to your search for food. You really couldn’t complain, you had complete and total faith that it would be amazing and everything you ever wanted in a birthday. You really just didn’t want him to go overboard with everything. But of course you might just have to except your fate and just go with it. Suddenly an idea pops into your head.

“Ah! I got it!” You whip around to face the group sitting at the island. You walk forward switching eye contact with a certain two. “I need certain super spies, to go get me information.” You wiggle your eyes suggestively at them. You were met with shaking heads. “Oh come on guys, I just need to make sure I don’t have to arrive on an elephant. Please?!”

“Oh no can do I’m already in deep water with Tony. Ruining a party would be the final straw, he would freeze me and throw the capsule into the deepest darkest abyss.” Bucky states firmly. “Nat wouldn’t fare much better either.”

“Geez, why do I ask you people?” You shift your gaze to the man on the end. “Fine! We send in the boyfriend. You’re bound to get information out of him.”

“Ha, very funny. Answer is still no though. Don’t want my “boyfriend” to break up with me.” Steve is used to it by now, this constant teasing, you can tell by the barely there exasperation. You puff your cheeks out. “Not even the pouty face will get you anything from me either.”

“Fine, I’ll just have to be surprised.”

“That is the point of this whole thing, you know?”

Giving up you plop your head onto fists. You were really just going to have to be surprised. Well, what could you do. A plate of pancakes is placed before you along with a carafe of warm syrup. You instantly perk up, swinging your head up to see who your temporary god is.

“Come on sweet cheeks, you’ll be less grumpy when your fed.” Sam smiles down at you before placing a brief kiss to your hair. He turns back to the stove, flipping more pancakes.

“I knew I loved you for some reason.” You state around a mouth full of pancake.

“What?! Only love me for my skills.” He grips his chest in mock hurt. “The least it could be my body, these toned arms? What about this face?”

“Eh? I don’t know I give it a 5.” You pretend to ponder. He is quick to snatch your plate as you dive back in. “Hey! My pancakes!”

“Nope, not until you admit that I have a gorgeous bod.”

“But, Sam.” You quiver your lips making the best puppy dog eyes you could. “My pancakes.” You even manage a tear.

He stares trying to break you. It wasn’t until the second tear slides that he gives in. “Fine! I give in just no more tears.”

“Yeah!” You clap your hands in victory.

You quickly devour the rest in fear someone would snatch it once again. The others are chuckling at you antics. The rest of the pancakes get served and eaten in record time. You place your dish in the washer before stepping next to Sam.

“Thanks for the food.” You lean in placing a swift kiss to his cheek. “Ok, you’re at least a 8.5”

“I knew it no can resist this face.” A few snorts and chuckles are heard around the group. Suddenly you hear a crack from the end of the island. You shoot your head to the side to find that Bucky has broken his glass sending coffee over the table. Steve quickly stands and Sam tosses a role to him.

“You ok, Buck?” Steve is cleaning up while trying to see if he is injured in any way.

“I’m fine punk. My hand glitched, that’s all. I’m going to see if Tony will look at it.” He keeps his head down while he exits.

With the mess cleaned up, everyone goes off on their own. You head up to your “office” already ready to get this day over with. It’s a mere 2 days till the party and you can barely contain yourself.

Upon arriving you waltz in, “Oh great, Swabi, what do you command me to do today?” You sweep a bow.

“Ha very funny, but if that’s how you want to play it sure let’s do it.” Tony grumps at your entrance. “Pitiful servant, I task there with cleaning all cars in a swimsuit.”

You giggle as you glance over at him. He is seated at one of his work stations, working on God knows what. It hits you that Bucky is no where to be seen.

“Hey, did Bucky not come in?” Maybe you had missed him, probably set up for another time.

“Nope haven’t seen him since yesterday.” He doesn’t look up from his task. “Why?”

“He said his arm was glitching this morning. He broke a cup.”

That seemed to perk Tony up. “Oh, really?” He pulls up another screen. You walk towards him to find the security feed playing from this morning. “Hmm, interesting indeed.” Noticing you lurking over his shoulder he quickly shut down the screen. Pulling up the schematics that were previously up. “I’ll talk to Barnes, he probably wanted to change before coming up here. Now, off with you. You’ve got a swimsuit to put on and a lot of cars to wash.”

“Seriously? You actually want me to wash them.” You roll your eyes, this job seemed to keep getting ridiculous.

“Well, duh, the Swabi has spoken so hop to it.” He waves his hand dismissing you.

“I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, you really shouldn’t have, but you did so face the consequences.”

You exit the room, regretting this morning even more. You hesitate though remembering the video, Bucky had been holding the coffee cup in his left, flesh hand. So the only question was why would he lie?

You ended up in a swimsuit but also in a colored, aka not white, t-shirt and shorts. The last thing you needed was Tony using the security footage as blackmail. Especially with your birthday coming up. What you hadn't realized was the shear number of cars the man had. Each one sending you into a more foul mood. You just had to open your mouth. This day couldnt get worse.

Finally you swipe the last car with polish. You were covered in suds and polish smeared on your face. All you knew was that you were going to tear Tony a new one for thus stunt. Also he had way too many cars, who needed this many. No one. No one needed this many.

You huff your way through the common room headed for your room. “Wow, I’m getting a terrible sense of deja vu right now. I think we saw this face this morning.” You wearily turn your head toward the kitchen. Only to find the whole team looking at you.

“Shut up, Wilson. Do you know how many cars Tony has? No you don’t, but I do. Do you want to know how?” He shook his head. “Go on, Wilson, ask me how I know.” You glare daring him. Except you don’t let him ask. “I know because I just had to wash and polish, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. WILSON! That’s how I know.” You turn away stomping, no one says a word. They all know you could snap at any moment. “Now if you’ll excuse me i need to change. Maybe, instead of running your mouth, you can be useful for once and make me something to eat before I get back.”

You exit, not hearing a peep before your door closes. Of coursee as sokn as the door closed they were all laughing until they were red in the face from Wilson's reaction to your outburst.

Man you were hangry, you would have to apologize later. Maybe while you were digging Tony’s grave while eatting a pizza. Yeah that sounded like a good idea.

Once in dry, clean clothes, you wander out to the main area. There is only Bucky seated now and beside him is a plate stacked high with food. You shuffle over, peering at the dish, then to the man beside it.

“For me?”

“Yes, the others ran off, fearing your wrath.” He gives you a sidewards glance. He assesses your reactions seeing if he has stepped too far. He finds you stuffing your face with as much vigor as this morning. You look like you haven’t eaten in days. Quietly chucking to himself, he shifts from the stool over to the couch in front of the TV. He flips on Netflix and quickly selects one of the shows you both had been watching together.

Once you had eaten, you hear the opening credits to the show. Hastily putting your dishes away you jump over the couch and settle in on the other side. Tucking your legs under you, you lean your head back against the couch. You both sit in silence for the most part, the occasional chuckle or gasp escaping you.

Bucky soon pulls a blanket out tossing it over both your legs. You stretch out getting even more comfortable. With the warmth of the blanket along with the murmuring of the TV you soon find you eye lids drifting shut.

You let your head fall to the side with the final thoughts of being so at peace and finding a good grave sight.

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Start of Something New PT1

Bucky X Reader

Warnings: self depreciation, slight angst and fluff

A/N: So this series is very personal to me most of what is written are thoughts I have had toward myself and or said to me. That being said it doesn't happen often, I am content with my life it just gets a little overwhelming sometime. Also side notes Cats Rule ergo reader has cats. You can pretend it's a dog if you so choose.

There must be some sort of signal that goes up when your feeling down. A big old spotlight, shouting take a shot while it can, cause heaven knows, you would take each one and let it drag you down.

It started with ahard day at work. For the life of you, you couldn't get into the usual groove at work. You will admit you were beating yourself up over, missing all 6 alarms you set for your self. That glare you got from your boss as you practically sprinted in the doors.

Maybe it was the breakfast rush that included a new batch of agents and interns. It seemed to surprise them when a bigger, curvy woman standing behind the counter, in charge of the grill. The uniform however form fitting was not the most flattering bit most days you could strut in and own your station.

It's the looks though, that got to you. The initial reaction of "oh you're serving me, really". The exaggerated comments of LITE Mayo, like you had no clue what the difference was. Yes, It was though strange to see such a big person in a compound full of actively fit people. You had to admit that pretty much everyone here could kill with a spoon or piece of floss to say the least. You were definitely not one of them though.

By mid afternoon not even your usual lunch regulars could cheer you up, try as they might. It was like every once of joy that usually rested clearly on your face was wiped out. Even a fake smile seemed hard to put up.

The usual evening crew shuffled in. You had already started a few orders fixing them up just right. The lack of conversation concerned most people, but the easy lie of "lack of sleep" slipped seamlessly from your lips. If it wasn't for the dark cloud swirling above your head, you would have noticed that the lie didn't really work on them.

You were ready for the day to finally be over, the clock of the grill shutting off before beginning your nightly routine. As you were the last in the place, you switched your music on, hoping an upbeat song would fix your day.

The tunes flowed through you as you scraped off the day's grime from the grill. You didn't hear your guests until they taped on the glass of your counter.

"Hey pretty lady, what's cookin, good lookin?"

You couldn't help the smile that emerged on your face. It was like the whole day dissolved into a fading nightmare. You spin around to find your gang all hanging off your counter.

"I don't know if you can handle what I'm cookin darlin."

You saunter over to the man, from the looks of them they just got back from a mission. Still in their suits, except for the charming man in the middle who you knew could will it away with a simple thought.

"Psshh, I can handle every inch you had to throw at me."

If it was possible your smile got even wider. Swinging your head you sweep your gaze over the others. "So, what can I get my fine band of miscreants."

"Woah, I'll have you know, we are Earth's mightiest hero's!!"

"Really, Arrows?? Did you find that on a sticker and go with it?"

"Ha, no. It happened to be a ribbon. A blue ribbon." He scoffed slightly at you nothing but teasing.

You shoot your hands up in mock surrender. "Well, excuse me that's mighty official then. Can't fight with the blue ribbon now can we?"

The others joined in the group chuckle. "Alright go get changed. I'll fix something up and call you when it's ready."

They all shuffled away to various floors, each putting as much hustle into returning quickly. There was only one still standing in front of you. You merely quicker an eyebrow at him.

"You know, you don't have to do this. We keep you late for no real reason. I mean there are store hours for a reason."

"Spangles, would you drop the puppy eyes and the smouldering, if I told you this is and will always be the best part of my day?"

You could see the slight furrow in his brow, taking a moment to pick your sentence apart. He opened his mouth to reply but was met with your hand.

"No, don't go analysing my words, I'm not going to talk about it and I am fine. Go get changed so I can work."

You shoo him out not letting him say a word more. You turn back to the grill and begin your concoction. Lucky for you you don't have to deal with any allergies or picky eaters. The gang had quickly realized though they may not like a certain food, you managed to put some sort of spell on it making it taste the most delicious.

Caught once again in the recesses of your mind, the gang came in situating themselves at their usual table. They watch as you thoughtlessly flip food but then stare into the distance like it held some answer to you. They even catch your hand coming up to your face, to most it would appear that you are wiping sweat but in this case it was a single stubborn tear that had escaped.

You cranked your music again this time switching to slower and slightly sad songs. Sometimes the cure was to fight sad with sad. Others' problems made yours seem so insignificant making your day better. What ever funk you were in though wasn't being shaken this time. If anything your cloud was getting bigger, not even the sizzle of the grill and aromas drifting from the oven dulled in the fog. You were forced to fall back on a past recipe.

They all jerked forward only to be waved off, a lone solider stood and approached. He went behind the counter slowly moving so as not to startle you.

You had been berating yourself for awhile, thinking over every meal you shouldn't have eaten, every chance you had to say no to one more serving but insisted you have more. It was no wonder everyone gave you looks and doubted your judgement. You couldn't even get your own life in line.

You feel the tear spill over, you wipe furiously at the stubborn thing. In a vain attempt to calm yourself down, a hand is placed on your waist. You jerk half in surprise, the other on instinct knowing that there were rolls and flab to be felt under the thin t-shirt you wore.

"Geez Bucky, give a girl a little warning. Not all of us are super spies here."

He snorted, "You can say that again." You flinched, bad move, no way you could ever be mistaken for a spy. "Everything alright, doll? You seem distracted."

He was attempting to catch your flitting gaze. You couldn't look at him knowing he would see the storm raging behind your eyes. Having none of this, he gently locks his hand under your jaw drawing it upwards so your eye meet his.

You attempt to jerk your head away, "Its nothing Buck, I'm just tired, late for work and you know how much I hate being late."

"Hey, we both know that may be part of it but not all of it. Now I'm going to let it slide for now. Mostly cause I'm hungry and I don't want dinner to burn. That evening said we will have a discussion about this later. Understood?"

You nod, but know you were never going to let that happen. He let go, grabbing a plate from the counter. You loaded everything up and brought it to the table.

"Alright! Dig in everyone."

They practically launched themselves towards the food. You couldn't help but chuckle at them. Turning you head back to start cleaning up again.

It was close to midnight when you finished with the last bag of garbage. The grill shone like it was fresh from the factory. You wipe your forehead, leaning back to see the finished project.

Satisfied with your work you turn back to you bunch. Finding them all leaning back in their chairs, each sporting a content smile on their faces. You make your way over, snorting when you see all the plate have been practically licked clean.

"Well, I would ask if you liked it, but clearly you guys did."

Thor raised his hand in a feeble manner before letting it drop. "You can not be a mere human. No one such as you most have fallen from Asgard. You, my friend, are a goddess of food."

You can't help the blush that creeps up your face. "Hey, I get by. Now as much as I enjoy having you here, I need to go home and get some sleep. Back here way sooner than I would like."

"Or you could stay here?!" Tony getting rather eager at the idea.

"I wish I could but I have parent responsibilities." You knew they would misunderstand. Except Bucky, you had already shown your plethora of photos of your two cats. "My boys need me home."

"Wait, you have kids, since when?" Tony looked shocked at not knowing something about someone.

"Yep, 2 boys, 7 and 3."

"Why haven't we met and how come I never knew?" He was seriously freaking out now. It was like he was mentally incapable of not knowing something about someone.

You were doing well hiding the laughter, though a few, Natasha and Wanda, were catching on to it. Steve though looked very confused.

"Wait!" Steve jumped up pointing at you. You have worked here for close to 4 years. If your youngest is 3 we would have known. You couldn't have hid that. You would have gone on maternity leave." His eyes were bugging out of his head.

You lost it, laughter taking you completely. Hunched over grabbing your stomach. "You should have seen your faces. Priceless." You were wheezing, your sides now in stitches.

"What she means to say is that she has 2 cats at home that are more than likely demanding to be fed." Bucky steps into assist you as words continue to fail you. "Still I can't believe you all fell for that."

You finally straighten and pull you phone out pulling up a pic of the two.

"These are my boys. Private Pepper in Orange and Skipper is the fluffy one."

"Doll, I think you mean fat." Bucky butts in.

"No fluff, he is nothing but Fluff." You demand shooting him a glare.

"Hey," he raises his hands in surrender. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Really pets? You can't stay cause of pets." Tony scoffs slightly.

"Hey don't hate until you try it." You snap back.

"Fine, I conceded to you for now."

The group rises and begins to exit the place. Bucky looks over at you, knowing he should be talking to you about earlier. He locks eyes clearly telling you that this wasn't over yet. You merely stick your tongue out at him. Finally they are out and you follow behind, closing the doors behind you. You hitch your bag over your shoulder. Heading to your car Bucky follows in a casual manner.

"So you going to tell me what happened today?"

"I did I was late. Not enough sleep."

"Yeah I get that now the whole story."

"Why can't you just drop it? Bad days happen this is mine I'll get over it." You turn towards him practically begging him to let it go. You cant help but notice his every movement. The way the muscles under his shirt shift as he crosses his arms in defiance. The way his eyes harden to a steely blue with determination.

"Because I care for you, your my friend. These so called bad days have been too many, too often."

You huff, he wasn't going to let you leave until you spoke to him. "Fine." You hang your head in defeat. "I'm.." You weren't sure how to phrase it without revealing too much. "I'm just not satisfied with my life right now. I should be doing more. Being more than I am right now. It's frustrating. I've been caught up in what to do next with my life."

You couldn't help but applaud yourself for that explanation. It was perfect and from the looks of it Bucky bought the whole thing. Really how were you supposed to tell one of the most gorgeous men that you had no future, that every thing you touched became disgusting. That you were waiting for the day everyone realized that there was a better friend and cook out there, throwing you to the side. It happened before it would happen again. You were merely hanging on to the remaining shreds and hoping they would carry you when it all came crumbling down.

"Was that so hard?" Bucky drew you back in.

"Yes, yes it was I think I lost a few years because of this experience." You step around him opening your door. He leaned around holding it open for you, ever the 40s man. When you get in, you turn the car on rolling down the windows. He shuts the door, leaning against the roof so he could see you properly.

"Ah, you survived and maybe learned you can tell people things. Now get home safe and text me that you made it in." He stood up taking a step back.

"Ha, one I never remember to text people. Two I don't have your number."

"Ha back, one just do it, two yes you do I put it on while you weren't looking. I put it under 40s Dream Boat."

"Oh, I like that. Fine if I remember I'll text you." You put the car in reverse but paused as he leaned back towards you. For a moment you let your self believe he was leaning in for a kiss. Except he stopped and patted the roof.

Blinking you pull out, and drive away. When would you get it through your thick skull that men like him, would never want a woman like you.

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Start of Something New PT 5

Bucky X Reader

Warnings: Regular Antics fluff, slight self-depreciation

A/N: I am on a roll, 3 chapters out in a week, I'm doing good. As always comments are appreciated.

Waking up the next morning was pleasant even if it had to be with an alarm. Thinking about it you had slept a lot yesterday. So you stretched, you would give Stark on the thing it was he had excellent taste in mattresses. You quickly got dressed and headed for the kitchen. You had to go to work at the cafeteria, which meant you would have a busy day, to say the least. First was preparing the team's breakfast. You went with simple as you didn’t quite know what they liked and it more than likely had to sit for awhile. Of course, coffee came first both for you and them. You decided on an oatmeal bar and assorted pastries. Laying it all out you quickly clean up and head downstairs.

Walking through the kitchen you greeted each person, asking them about their lives, it was apparent that this was a good day. Your usuals drifted over making conversation, the day just seemed to fly by. Richard even made an appearance toward the end of the lunch. Practically dragging himself toward your counter, he huffed a deep breath and leaned over.

“What a day, I hate Mondays.” He rubs a hand across his face.

“Oh, Sweetheart, whatever could be wrong? Those darn rookies getting to you again?” You take your glove off to pat his shoulder before turning to wash your hands.

“Of course, it’s like they purposefully forget everything during the weekend and I am forced to beat it back into them today. How hard is a pincer attack? Really how hard can that be to forget?”

“Right everyone knows you have to disable them first, otherwise they getcha on the finger.” You have a Cheshire grin spreading on your face.

“Yes!” Throwing his hands up, before he freezes, your words finally settling in. “Wait for what?” Cocking his head to the side.

Chuckling you reach for his now toasted sandwich. “Oh, I thought you were talking crabs, they can be a pain if you don’t immobilize their pincers.” Going for an innocent that really doesn’t work on him.

“Really?!” He tries to keep a straight face but your smile is making his emerge. “You know what I mean. Heck, you could probably do a better job than these rookies.”

“Oh, of course, I mean have you seen me there is a reason I was put behind this counter. I am a lethal machine here. Too powerful for any team, they only release me from here when they really need me.” You pack his sandwich along with a side and a few chips.

“I knew it, more than just a pretty face.” He sends smooches before heading to the cashiers.

“And don’t you forget it, darling. See you later.” Blowing him a kiss when he turns back.

Clean up was quick and easy along with the transition allowing you to leave early back upstairs. Entering you find only Bruce lounging in one of the chairs next to the window. You move to the kitchen, the area is mostly free of dishes. Emptying the washer you go to the counters, when your space is finally in an order you go about making snackage. It seemed like a snack day. You made fresh chips and popcorn with assorted toppings. Finally, you put on the kettle and collect so shortbread cookies. As the pot whistles, you quickly steep some green tea and place the cup and a few cookies on a plate. You wander over to Bruce and set it gently next to him with honey.

Startled he shoots his head up to see who had presented the cup. “Oh thank you, (Y/N). How did you know I prefer green tea?”

“Well, green man, green tea.” You tell him straight up. He had raised the cup to lips before pausing at your answer.

He chokes on a laugh. “Really?” He keeps laughing as he takes a careful sip.

“No, not really, I mean really but I figured you would like to relax while reading your book and I thought, nothing better than green tea. I prefer a spicy black, but still.”

“I think I can help you there.” Sam comes strolling in with Steve, Clint, and Bucky, having caught the tail end of your conversation.

“Oh, could you? And just what is that?” You cock your hip and plant your hand there.

“A spicy black, here to serve you whenever you need me.” He winks and goes to see what was out.

“Psssh, I let you know when I’m looking for some weak sauce.” You say moving back to the kitchen. The group cracks up, Steve patting him on the back at his injured puppy dog look. “Love ya Sam, but your more milk chocolate than spicy black tea.”

“But I’m your milk chocolate.” You nod in agreement, making his chest puff out.

“So there are snacks and I’ll get started on dinner. Anything you boys are feeling?” They quickly dive into the offerings.

“You know what sounds really good?” Steve chirps looking excited. “Burgers but those ones you make in the kitchen. You put stuff in them or something?”

“Oh yeah, those stuffed burgers that sound amazing,” Bucky adds while Clint quickly nods his head in agreement.

“Ok well that won’t take much time at all, I’ll make some sides like potato salad. Since that takes a little, I’m going to join Bruce then and indulge in some much overdo reading than while I wait.” You set a pot of water to boil and prep the potatoes, before retreating to your room for a book and a blanket.

When you come back you check on the pot and shuffle over to the windows. Setting your book down you wrap the quilt around your front and sit down burrowing deeper in before sneaking a hand out to grab your book. The boys have made themselves comfortable on the couches while chatting the TV mere background noise.

Upon seeing you get comfortable, Bucky calls out to you; “You sure you’re going to be able to move, you look mighty comfy there.”

You snort, “Well if I need anything all I need to do is ask my wonderful Chocolate friend over there. Though now that you ask I would like a glass of water. One of you fine looking gentleman want to grab one for me?”

Sam and Bucky go to rise, “Excuse you I believe she was talking to me, you ugly mug.” Sam pushes his shoulder.

“Ha it was obviously me, you so ugly you make mirrors crack when you walk by.” He grabs Sam’s hand and flings him back to the couch. While the two begin to fight to hold the other back, Steve rises and grabs a glass, filling it before handing it to you.

“I knew you were America’s Sweetheart for a reason. You are now my favorite.” He blushes, and you make kissy faces at him.

“Too kind,(Y/N). How is it you manage to stay single.” He retreats back to the couch, sitting between the two bickering men.

“Ha, like there is a man out there that can handle all this.” You gesture to your frame. “I am a high-quality woman that few can handle, few have tried and none have succeeded.”

You open your book and begin to dive in. Next to raising your head when about 45 minutes later to go check on your potatoes, draining them you quickly put in the fridge to cool. You quickly immerse yourself in the story once more. The room shifts around you as people come and go, none of them disturb you.  There seemed to be a respect for everyone, that came out in an unspoken way of communicating between them, each getting things they needed to be done quickly and efficiently. By the time you were ready to start dinner the majority of them were seated in the living room chatting together. The TV was turned up but not so loud that it dominated anyone's attention. You carefully place your book down on the side table next to you folding your blanket and draping it over the back of the chair.

Seeing you move Nat and Clint carefully perched on some of the kitchen stools by the island. They begin to chat with you asking about your day and the like.

“So (Y/N), how did you ever get into cooking? “ Clint wonders.

You chuckle having been asked about it on several occasions. “Well I got it from my family, every family event my grandmother would cook for us and I would always wonder if I could do it myself. By the time high school rolled around, I found my joy in cooking but also in the fact that I could never send my days wasting away in an office staring at a screen until I died.” They chuckled at that, shaking their heads at you, that was such your answer. “But what really drove me was seeing the look on people’s faces when they had my food and the memories that they made with it. The way they smile and then thank me for a job well done.” You continue to form burgers, not making eye contact with them, you knew it was a pretty lame reason but still.

“That is really cool. Well, I can definitely for sure that we all appreciate your food and everything that comes with it.” Nat says smiling at you know you really didn’t see your own worth. “I’m glad that we get to partake in the food you prepare for us every day.”

To fortify yourself against the feels that were creeping up on you, you went for the usual sarcastic response. “You better be, I mean you would all either starve or be fat from all the takeout I know you guys must have eaten. I am your savior at this point.”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” You scoff. “But I will admit we are all the better for it. So now when will dinner be ready?” Clint asks reaching to grab some of the chips you had made. You smack his hand not answering his question but he still managed to grab a few, handing a couple off the Natasha. They both hummed in appreciation at the taste.

“Question (Y/N)?” Nat inquires.

“Answer, Natasha.” You reply

“What is your relationship status? Follow up when was your last relationship?”

“Wow, that was rather direct. Just jumped right on that. Well to answer your question, single I happen to be in a long-term relationship with freedom.” Clint snickers at this. “My last relationship was a long time ago. Not that you could really call it that.”   

The two shared a glance. “Now (Y/N), how am I supposed to vicariously live through you if you won’t share details. You are so boring.  Now spill the good things to me.”

“Man, you caught me.” You raise your hand along with a spatula, as if in surrender. “In truth, I have a different man in my bed every few days, because men are so terribly easy to pick up. They keep throwing themselves at me it makes it hard to pick so I shuffle through them. That was the real reason I didn’t want to move in, you guys are seriously putting a crimp in my sex life.” You huff as if completely exasperated. You continue to cook and plate things for the coming meal.

“I knew it,” Tony came over leaning against Clint also snatching some chips. “Girl got game.”

“And don’t you forget it.” You snap to add to the sass. Nat groans at you, not even attempting to play along with your game. “What do you want from me, Nat? I happen to live a very boring, lackluster life. Yes, it has been quite some time since my last pseudo-relationship. I have come to an understanding that it may just not be in the cards for me.  You would do better to find another life to live through. Unless you would like a relationship with my cats.” You didn’t raise your voice, you weren’t made you were merely stating facts as to how you saw them.

She sighs knowing that she wasn’t going to get any more answers from you especially while there were men in the room. She would just have to bide her time and dig later. “Fine, I give up, for now.”

“Oh tell me more,” Tony asks playing the part while trying to ease some tension out of the situation. The whole group had heard but once more choosing to ignore it. “I would like to hear about all these so-called men, though I’m sure that none of them could hold a candle to me.”

“You are right about that, Sir. Though let me tell you about this one guy….” You spin your tales and weave your story as you put the finishing dishes together. You and your small group set the table as you continue. Setting the last dish on the table, you wrap your final outrageous “memory” sitting in the final open seat next to Steve and Wanda.

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