Me Again! Please Ignore My Previous Ask. Just Found Your Masterlist!

Me again! Please ignore my previous ask. Just found your masterlist!

I'm glad you found it!

Start of Something New PT1

Bucky X Reader

Warnings: self depreciation, slight angst and fluff

A/N: So this series is very personal to me most of what is written are thoughts I have had toward myself and or said to me. That being said it doesn't happen often, I am content with my life it just gets a little overwhelming sometime. Also side notes Cats Rule ergo reader has cats. You can pretend it's a dog if you so choose.

There must be some sort of signal that goes up when your feeling down. A big old spotlight, shouting take a shot while it can, cause heaven knows, you would take each one and let it drag you down.

It started with ahard day at work. For the life of you, you couldn't get into the usual groove at work. You will admit you were beating yourself up over, missing all 6 alarms you set for your self. That glare you got from your boss as you practically sprinted in the doors.

Maybe it was the breakfast rush that included a new batch of agents and interns. It seemed to surprise them when a bigger, curvy woman standing behind the counter, in charge of the grill. The uniform however form fitting was not the most flattering bit most days you could strut in and own your station.

It's the looks though, that got to you. The initial reaction of "oh you're serving me, really". The exaggerated comments of LITE Mayo, like you had no clue what the difference was. Yes, It was though strange to see such a big person in a compound full of actively fit people. You had to admit that pretty much everyone here could kill with a spoon or piece of floss to say the least. You were definitely not one of them though.

By mid afternoon not even your usual lunch regulars could cheer you up, try as they might. It was like every once of joy that usually rested clearly on your face was wiped out. Even a fake smile seemed hard to put up.

The usual evening crew shuffled in. You had already started a few orders fixing them up just right. The lack of conversation concerned most people, but the easy lie of "lack of sleep" slipped seamlessly from your lips. If it wasn't for the dark cloud swirling above your head, you would have noticed that the lie didn't really work on them.

You were ready for the day to finally be over, the clock of the grill shutting off before beginning your nightly routine. As you were the last in the place, you switched your music on, hoping an upbeat song would fix your day.

The tunes flowed through you as you scraped off the day's grime from the grill. You didn't hear your guests until they taped on the glass of your counter.

"Hey pretty lady, what's cookin, good lookin?"

You couldn't help the smile that emerged on your face. It was like the whole day dissolved into a fading nightmare. You spin around to find your gang all hanging off your counter.

"I don't know if you can handle what I'm cookin darlin."

You saunter over to the man, from the looks of them they just got back from a mission. Still in their suits, except for the charming man in the middle who you knew could will it away with a simple thought.

"Psshh, I can handle every inch you had to throw at me."

If it was possible your smile got even wider. Swinging your head you sweep your gaze over the others. "So, what can I get my fine band of miscreants."

"Woah, I'll have you know, we are Earth's mightiest hero's!!"

"Really, Arrows?? Did you find that on a sticker and go with it?"

"Ha, no. It happened to be a ribbon. A blue ribbon." He scoffed slightly at you nothing but teasing.

You shoot your hands up in mock surrender. "Well, excuse me that's mighty official then. Can't fight with the blue ribbon now can we?"

The others joined in the group chuckle. "Alright go get changed. I'll fix something up and call you when it's ready."

They all shuffled away to various floors, each putting as much hustle into returning quickly. There was only one still standing in front of you. You merely quicker an eyebrow at him.

"You know, you don't have to do this. We keep you late for no real reason. I mean there are store hours for a reason."

"Spangles, would you drop the puppy eyes and the smouldering, if I told you this is and will always be the best part of my day?"

You could see the slight furrow in his brow, taking a moment to pick your sentence apart. He opened his mouth to reply but was met with your hand.

"No, don't go analysing my words, I'm not going to talk about it and I am fine. Go get changed so I can work."

You shoo him out not letting him say a word more. You turn back to the grill and begin your concoction. Lucky for you you don't have to deal with any allergies or picky eaters. The gang had quickly realized though they may not like a certain food, you managed to put some sort of spell on it making it taste the most delicious.

Caught once again in the recesses of your mind, the gang came in situating themselves at their usual table. They watch as you thoughtlessly flip food but then stare into the distance like it held some answer to you. They even catch your hand coming up to your face, to most it would appear that you are wiping sweat but in this case it was a single stubborn tear that had escaped.

You cranked your music again this time switching to slower and slightly sad songs. Sometimes the cure was to fight sad with sad. Others' problems made yours seem so insignificant making your day better. What ever funk you were in though wasn't being shaken this time. If anything your cloud was getting bigger, not even the sizzle of the grill and aromas drifting from the oven dulled in the fog. You were forced to fall back on a past recipe.

They all jerked forward only to be waved off, a lone solider stood and approached. He went behind the counter slowly moving so as not to startle you.

You had been berating yourself for awhile, thinking over every meal you shouldn't have eaten, every chance you had to say no to one more serving but insisted you have more. It was no wonder everyone gave you looks and doubted your judgement. You couldn't even get your own life in line.

You feel the tear spill over, you wipe furiously at the stubborn thing. In a vain attempt to calm yourself down, a hand is placed on your waist. You jerk half in surprise, the other on instinct knowing that there were rolls and flab to be felt under the thin t-shirt you wore.

"Geez Bucky, give a girl a little warning. Not all of us are super spies here."

He snorted, "You can say that again." You flinched, bad move, no way you could ever be mistaken for a spy. "Everything alright, doll? You seem distracted."

He was attempting to catch your flitting gaze. You couldn't look at him knowing he would see the storm raging behind your eyes. Having none of this, he gently locks his hand under your jaw drawing it upwards so your eye meet his.

You attempt to jerk your head away, "Its nothing Buck, I'm just tired, late for work and you know how much I hate being late."

"Hey, we both know that may be part of it but not all of it. Now I'm going to let it slide for now. Mostly cause I'm hungry and I don't want dinner to burn. That evening said we will have a discussion about this later. Understood?"

You nod, but know you were never going to let that happen. He let go, grabbing a plate from the counter. You loaded everything up and brought it to the table.

"Alright! Dig in everyone."

They practically launched themselves towards the food. You couldn't help but chuckle at them. Turning you head back to start cleaning up again.

It was close to midnight when you finished with the last bag of garbage. The grill shone like it was fresh from the factory. You wipe your forehead, leaning back to see the finished project.

Satisfied with your work you turn back to you bunch. Finding them all leaning back in their chairs, each sporting a content smile on their faces. You make your way over, snorting when you see all the plate have been practically licked clean.

"Well, I would ask if you liked it, but clearly you guys did."

Thor raised his hand in a feeble manner before letting it drop. "You can not be a mere human. No one such as you most have fallen from Asgard. You, my friend, are a goddess of food."

You can't help the blush that creeps up your face. "Hey, I get by. Now as much as I enjoy having you here, I need to go home and get some sleep. Back here way sooner than I would like."

"Or you could stay here?!" Tony getting rather eager at the idea.

"I wish I could but I have parent responsibilities." You knew they would misunderstand. Except Bucky, you had already shown your plethora of photos of your two cats. "My boys need me home."

"Wait, you have kids, since when?" Tony looked shocked at not knowing something about someone.

"Yep, 2 boys, 7 and 3."

"Why haven't we met and how come I never knew?" He was seriously freaking out now. It was like he was mentally incapable of not knowing something about someone.

You were doing well hiding the laughter, though a few, Natasha and Wanda, were catching on to it. Steve though looked very confused.

"Wait!" Steve jumped up pointing at you. You have worked here for close to 4 years. If your youngest is 3 we would have known. You couldn't have hid that. You would have gone on maternity leave." His eyes were bugging out of his head.

You lost it, laughter taking you completely. Hunched over grabbing your stomach. "You should have seen your faces. Priceless." You were wheezing, your sides now in stitches.

"What she means to say is that she has 2 cats at home that are more than likely demanding to be fed." Bucky steps into assist you as words continue to fail you. "Still I can't believe you all fell for that."

You finally straighten and pull you phone out pulling up a pic of the two.

"These are my boys. Private Pepper in Orange and Skipper is the fluffy one."

"Doll, I think you mean fat." Bucky butts in.

"No fluff, he is nothing but Fluff." You demand shooting him a glare.

"Hey," he raises his hands in surrender. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

"Really pets? You can't stay cause of pets." Tony scoffs slightly.

"Hey don't hate until you try it." You snap back.

"Fine, I conceded to you for now."

The group rises and begins to exit the place. Bucky looks over at you, knowing he should be talking to you about earlier. He locks eyes clearly telling you that this wasn't over yet. You merely stick your tongue out at him. Finally they are out and you follow behind, closing the doors behind you. You hitch your bag over your shoulder. Heading to your car Bucky follows in a casual manner.

"So you going to tell me what happened today?"

"I did I was late. Not enough sleep."

"Yeah I get that now the whole story."

"Why can't you just drop it? Bad days happen this is mine I'll get over it." You turn towards him practically begging him to let it go. You cant help but notice his every movement. The way the muscles under his shirt shift as he crosses his arms in defiance. The way his eyes harden to a steely blue with determination.

"Because I care for you, your my friend. These so called bad days have been too many, too often."

You huff, he wasn't going to let you leave until you spoke to him. "Fine." You hang your head in defeat. "I'm.." You weren't sure how to phrase it without revealing too much. "I'm just not satisfied with my life right now. I should be doing more. Being more than I am right now. It's frustrating. I've been caught up in what to do next with my life."

You couldn't help but applaud yourself for that explanation. It was perfect and from the looks of it Bucky bought the whole thing. Really how were you supposed to tell one of the most gorgeous men that you had no future, that every thing you touched became disgusting. That you were waiting for the day everyone realized that there was a better friend and cook out there, throwing you to the side. It happened before it would happen again. You were merely hanging on to the remaining shreds and hoping they would carry you when it all came crumbling down.

"Was that so hard?" Bucky drew you back in.

"Yes, yes it was I think I lost a few years because of this experience." You step around him opening your door. He leaned around holding it open for you, ever the 40s man. When you get in, you turn the car on rolling down the windows. He shuts the door, leaning against the roof so he could see you properly.

"Ah, you survived and maybe learned you can tell people things. Now get home safe and text me that you made it in." He stood up taking a step back.

"Ha, one I never remember to text people. Two I don't have your number."

"Ha back, one just do it, two yes you do I put it on while you weren't looking. I put it under 40s Dream Boat."

"Oh, I like that. Fine if I remember I'll text you." You put the car in reverse but paused as he leaned back towards you. For a moment you let your self believe he was leaning in for a kiss. Except he stopped and patted the roof.

Blinking you pull out, and drive away. When would you get it through your thick skull that men like him, would never want a woman like you.

@justreadingfics @veronicalei @iamwarrenspeace @melconnor2007 @magpiemischief

Am I Enough PT 16

Bucky X Reader

Warnings: Cliffhanger, Angst, I'm bringing it back, you had your chance to run

A/N: Hello all I am forever sorry for keeping you waiting but here is the next chapter.  This is also a wondering if anyone is still reading this. I may not continue this, so please leave a like or comment just to reassure little old me that some out there is still reading this.

You couldn’t help but accept what he said. It wasn't like they were doing anything other than sitting next to each other. Still, the slight pull on your heart made you ponder the past events. There was a general lack of trust from you. You questioned his every move and decision. You pull your arms around your waist willing the fear away, a feeble attempt to bring peace back.

Taking a deep breath you straighten up, "Well, lucky for me, your both in the same spot. I need some signatures on these documents."

They both seem startled at your sudden acceptance of Bucky's explanation. Though that was what they wanted. They come over to you grabbing the pens from your hand. They proceed to sign their lives away, all the while keeping an eye on your face, looking for any sign that you really didn't accept their answer.

Finally, the last document was signed and you shuffled the last paper into their respective folders. "Awesome and with that I am done for the weekend."

"Alright, that means we can start our spa day early." Nat rubbed her hands together in excitement.

You chuckle she had been hinting all week the various tortuous things she was going to do to you, to get ready for your party. You were pretty sure there wouldn’t be a hair left on your body except on your head, by the time the party started. You had a nightmare about it all last night. You shake your head as she clings to your arm leaving a very confused Bucky behind.

"So first we are going to start with a body scrub with a seaweed wrap after, then we are going…" You tune her out after that half the words she was saying you didn’t even know what they meant. Quickly putting all the paperwork away Nat tugs you to her chambers where you find Wanda and Pepper already lounging on the sofa each with a glass of champagne in their hands.

"Now that what I'm  talking about," You reach for Wanda's glass before she can say anything, downing the glass quickly. Wanda chuckles before reaching for another glass taking the empty one from your hand and placing the full one in its place. "So Nat was explaining, though to tell you the truth I have no idea what half of it is though I expect it is going to hurt."

Pepper leans over pulling you down next to her on the sofa. "Awe, sweetheart don't worry too much it is all for the better to bring that gorgeous face and body to its full potential. All the eyes are going to be on you after we are done with you. You won't be leaving alone tomorrow."

The girls are nodding their head, but you can merely shake your head at their antics. "Yeah, that’s what I was going for. I think my main goal is not to fall flat on my face in those heels you picked out for me."

"Oh please, you are going to rock that whole outfit." Nat has a smug look on her face. It was slightly frightening knowing that she had things planned to make her vision come true.

"Well, it won't help to put it off any longer let's get this show on the road. The sooner we are done the sooner I get to sleep."

"Ha that’s funny, you actually think you are going to sleep in the next two days." Nat resembles a Cheshire cat at this point the grin she is sporting strikes the fear of God into you.

You shudder, rising from your seat. The things that take place next you would forever be blocked from your mind. The pulling and tugging, the pinches and scraping. It would be the thing of nightmares for weeks to come. Men would shirk back in fear at the mere mention of the story. Finally, the pain ended, it was going on 4 am, for all the pain you had to admit your body shimmered and you felt as smooth as a baby's bottom. All the way from your head to your toes. Your hair had never been so perfect laying just right. Your robe slid gracefully the silk never once catching on a bump or scrape.

"Gah, please tell me you guys are done now. I'm pretty sure there isn't a part of me you guys haven't touched yet. My own parents never touched me as much as you guys have."

"Please, it wasn't that bad your just cranky cause you haven't had coffee." Wanda strolled upholding a steaming mug made just the way you like it.

"Yeah, that and the very precious thing we call sleep. I happen to like that very much." You grumble as you take a sip. You were positive you would have had dark bags if they hadn't rubbed some weird glue on your eyes. "So can I sleep now or is that a privilege for other humans?"

"I guess we can afford a small nap, but you have to do it sitting up. Can't have you ruining your hair before we have had a chance to take pictures."

"What?!! You're not done yet?! What more could you possibly have left." Spreading your arms you drift down into the sofa carefully placing your head back.

"Oh, honey that was merely the prep work. We have a couple more layers to put on before you're really ready."

Groaning you sit in frustration. "How can there be anything left to do? I barely look like myself already. How long is that going to take?"

"A few hours, no worries."

"No worries would be a few minutes not proceeding to spread more gunk on my face."  Scrubbing your face you rise from your spot and head towards the door.

“And where do you think you are going?” Nat is giving you a stink eye, positive that you are up to no good.

“Cool your heels Medusa, just going to the kitchen, I’ll be back in 5 -10 years tops I promise.” If you stopped now you were sure they would keep you with some lame excuse.

Racing away from the pits of hell you slide into the kitchen, catching the attention of the men currently chatting away while enjoying nice giant stacks of pancakes. There is a small mountain of bacon and sausage sitting in between them. Diving towards the sent you quick;y scoop up a couple pieces of bacon and chomp down quickly.

“Oh, why wasn’t I born a man, I wouldn’t have to put up with these stupid girly things and be deprived of this delicious, greasy goodness. Maybe I should just give up on this female thing.” Heads swung at that statement, each trying to ascertain how serious you were about this. From the look on your face as you savored every bite of bacon, you were completely convinced.

“Not that I really want to know, but what did they do to you in there?” Tony is eyeing you from the end of the table.   

You shudder just remembering it. “You really don’t want to know. It will haunt me for the rest of my days. That is why you can now call me Adam, that's my name now.”

“Well, you are the most gorgeous male I have ever seen you might have to be the one I turn gay for.” Sam comes next to you to hand you a plate of your own pancakes.

“Are you kidding, every one of you would go gay for me. Don’t even try to deny it.” You plop down next to Bucky, reaching across him to grab the syrup. “I swear those when are not real. WHo would put themselves through that just for a party? A bunch of harpies that’s what they are.”

Bucky leaned over to try to steal a piece of your sausage only to have you swat his hand and shot him a death glare. “I swear I will bite your hand off, I have been up for the past 26 hours and apparently I’m not even done. How can I not be done? I have never felt so violated.  I am not kidding you.”

“I wouldn’t say that too loud, they can hear it and then they will come for your soul. “ Tony whispered.

You quickly shovel more pancakes in, trying to get as much in before they really did come for you. “They can try but I won’t go willingly, I will take my own life if I have to. I can’t go back there.”

As if the devil himself had summoned them himself, the girls came in. “What is this about killing oneself?” They each lineup across the table from you, giving you a stink eye upon seeing what you were consuming.

“You can’t do anything now. I am no longer part of the female species. I am no a man. I have given up that side of me. Now go back to whatever scrub you were doing and leave me in peace.” There is a firm set in your jaw, you knew it was a hopeless cause according to the look they were giving you.

“Ha very funny but I did not put in all that work just for you to be a male tonight. But if that is how you want to play it you will be the most drop dead gorgeous man tonight.” You shrink into your chair, trying to hide under their gazes as their hands' plant on their hips one by one. “Now what exactly are you eating? Because it certainly can’t be carbs, RIGHT? We need to ensure you fit in your dress for tonight. So this will be your last bite of food until this evening.” Nat scoops up your plate with you feebly attempting to grab it back.

“You can’t do that, this is nothing but abuse. If that’s how it’s going to be I’m not going to the party tonight. You can’t just deprive me of food.” You stand up slowly backing away from the trio.

“Yes I am and I will.”

“Bucky?” You swing your head putting on the best puppy eyes that you can. “Don’t let her take me. Please, don’t let her have her way.” You work up a tear to add effect.

The guilt that courses through his veins and across his face is seen by all. “This party is for you, babe. If it’s just a few hours of this so that you stand out the most then…” He trails off as he is met with your shaking head. You search for a sympathetic face in the crowd, finding downcast gazes and approval of what Nat was doing.

“No, I won’t do it.” You hurl yourself over the couch and speed toward the elevator.

“Wanda, stop her.”

You are instantly halted and lifted in the air, the red mist from Wanda’s magic enveloping your entire body. She pulls you back and you’re turned so the rest can see you.

“I have been betrayed. Bucky, I shall never forgive you for this slight. This I promise you, I will get my revenge.” You send each guy a warning glare before you are pushed back down the hall.

“Oh quit your whining, you’re going to look great.” With that, the girls follow sending a wink back at the guys.

That was the last time any of the guys saw you….

The party was going full force. There was steam creeping along the windows adding to the energy of the party, the music vibrating throughout the room. Lights danced on the walls and ceiling, trapezing from person to person. Tony had spared no expense, there was food to feed a whole 3rd world country for a month and a small tower of presents that seemed to keep growing as time went on. There were people in every corner, they didn’t actually know you but when Stark through a party you had to be a fool not to go.

The Avengers were spread throughout each chatting with their own little group. Nat had a small herd of men each vying for her attention, the promises getting more outrageous as each tried to outdo the other.  Wanda and Vision were whispering in each other's ear while making their way through the buffet line. Steve, Bucky, Clint, and Sam were all chatting around the bar each with a beer in hand.

“So has the birthday girl arrived yet?” Steve asks glancing around the room.

“Nope, not yet. Though from the noises in that room earlier she very well may be dead.” Sam sniggered a reply. “I believe Tony is going to introduce her. Not that she is going to know half these people, but what can you do.”

Even the men had no idea no idea who some of these people were. They really were only there for you. Suddenly the lights went out and two bright spotlights came on. They circled the room quickly gaining speed until finally, they can to rest on the top of the staircase that leads into the hall. Tony was elegantly dressed, his suit sharp and his hair carefully arranged.

With his arms thrown wide, he began, “Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming to my party. Really it’s not for me though, we have come together to celebrate a truly special girl. She is near and dear and a slight pain in the butt to all of us Avengers. Without further adieu, I give you, the one the only (Y/N) (Y/L/N).”

The spots shifted over slightly to see the doors swinging open. Suddenly the whole room could see you. Your heart rate spiked and you palms began to sweat. “Pepper?” You look at the woman that is escorting you in. “I’m starting to think that maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all.”

She chuckles and squeezes your arm, trying to send some of her own strength and peace to you. “Well, it’s a little late for that darling. You can’t run away now they can all see you. Besides, don’t you want everyone to see all the work we put into tonight? Otherwise, Natasha will have done it all for nothing and her own pleasure.” She added that last bit in to give you a purpose. If there was one thing Pepper loved about you. It was your need to get the full value out of anything that came into your life. That included in this moment, the tugging and pricking you would flaunt it for all it’s worth she was sure of it.

And you did, straightening your back you cocked your hip and planted your hand there. Finally, Pepper dragged you forward and down the stairs. Placing each foot firmly on the next stair, one in front of the other,  to the rest of the world you commanded every step and captured every eye in the room with the sheer amount of confidence and ethereal beauty that seemed to surround you. The others could certainly see how all the work Nat had put into had paid off, but they could also see the slight shaking of your hands and how they quickly form into fists.

Steve leans towards Sam, “WOW, she looks stunning!”

“Yeah, she’s got all the guys and some of the women looking at her. But did you notice the shaking of her hand? This never was her kind of thing.” He was laughing. “There is one guy in particular though that I am finding quite amusing.” He shifts his gaze to the fellow next to him.

Bucky is currently starstruck, his eyes are trained on you and there is a slight glaze over his eyes as he tries to drink in every single movement, committing it to memory. He had seen you in the dress before but now with the lights shining on you, he couldn’t breathe. The dress flowed and your hair sat perfectly in an updo. It was like the dress itself was made for you. Even the cast was perfectly hidden up by a pair of fingerless gloves. Your jewelry matched and made the rest of you shine.

“Hey, lover boy! Got a little drool running down your chin. ” Sam shouts in his ear. He had called him several times with no response.  

“Gah really do you have to do that?” He rubs his ear finally having broken his gaze on you. He tried to subtly wipe his chin checking to see if what he said was true. “What do you want?”

“Instead of just looking at her why don’t you go ask her to dance or something.” Sam nudges him making him take a step forward.  “Come on take the girl around for a spin. She would really appreciate it. Save her from the dastardly view of everyone.” He grumbles but decided that is a very good idea. He stalks through the crowd.  

You see him coming toward you, and you feel your heart rate spike, threatening to beat right out of your chest. He looks stunning in a blue velvet suit jacket, it brought out his eyes and you found yourself getting lost in them like you did the very first time you met. Meeting him at the bottom of the stairs he reached his hand out, carefully placing your gloved hand in his, pulling you into his arms.

“May I have this dance?” He whispers in your ear.

Nodding he leads you to the center of the dance floor, taking he spins you and suddenly, it’s just the two of you now. You barely even hear the song, let alone the chatter of the rest of the room.

“Happy Birthday, (Y/N). You look stunning.” He has pulled you close whispering his words in your ear.

“Thank you. I could barely believe it when I saw myself in the mirror.” You are blushing rather fiercely.  Burrowing your head against him to hide it. He continued to move you around the silence between you comfortable, merely living in the moment no need to ruin it with talk.

Pulling away he leads you towards the others lounging at the bar. The whole way you were getting compliments and a birthday wishes. Hugs were exchanged as you reached the group.

Sam reaches for your hand kissing the back. “Hey, hot momma, you on someone’s arm tonight?”

“As a matter of fact, I’m not though you may need to fight this handsome fellow.” You shrug over toward Bucky as he sends a glare towards Sam.

“Hands off bird boy.  She is mine tonight.” He reaches for a glass of champagne handing it to you before grabbing a scotch for himself.

The group begins to chat and wanders off to mingle. You were having a great time talking to everyone and just having a good time. With work and everything else, you were glad to just relax and not have anyone need anything from you. Bucky had wandered off to grab you another drink.

You were having a lovely chat with Wanda and Pepper about a new TV series on Netflix that you were all interested. It was then that you noticed that Bucky had yet to return from the bar. You look over to find that Bucky is absent from the bar. You excuse yourself and walk overseeing Steve and Tony chatting in the corner.

“Hey fellas, you saw Bucky wandering around here?” You swivel your head hoping to catch a glimpse of him.

“Nah came over grabbed a drink and I guess Natasha and Sam called him over. They headed over to the balcony.” He jerked his head towards on side of the room to a more private balcony.

“Thanks, guys.” You wave and head that way. Looking out you can’t immediately see them. You feel your heart pick up slightly, you were having a moment of deja vu. Your palms start to sweat and you vision tunnels.

The door slides open slowly and hear “We shouldn’t be doing this. Not now.” Your breath catches in your throat.

“Yes, we should we need to talk about this our relationship….” They get really quiet their voices lowering to a mere whisper or maybe it was from the buzzing in your head, either way, you can no longer hear what they are saying. It is all drowned out. You freeze not wanting to hear anymore but you have to know you have to make sure.

You still can’t move, not wanting any of this to become reality. He had promised, he was never going to do this again. Things had been so good between you, why would he why? You were screaming in the head trying to find some sort of reason, some explanation. Finally, moving you creep out looking to the darkest area of the balcony. There was the familiar flash of fiery red hair and the glint of metal. Each way too close to each other. Eyes traveling up all you catch is two faces very close and pulling away from each other. An unknown look shared between them. Its then you feel a pain in your heart a sharp crack, with the startling realization that nothing had changed. He would always pick her over you.

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Am I Enough PT 17

Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Angst a bunch of angst

A/N: I can’t believe I finished this. I want to apologize, I was only asking if people were still reading because it motivates me to write and as the chapters came out the fewer people noted it. From the first chapter had 300 + notes and chapter 15 had about 30. THANK YOU ALL for reading and I hope you enjoy this next chapter. I’m seeing only a few more chapters but I’ll let you know.

You bolted.

Ran as fast as your stupid heels would let you.

You didn’t look back.

Didn’t listen to their pleas as you stumbled towards the elevator trying to balance yourself.

To others, it would appear like you were merely drunk stumbling against the walls. Finally, the doors shut, not before seeing their faces. Your back met the wall and your legs gave out from the shaking. Your mind was racing. He couldn’t, he wouldn’t, why would he?

The door opens to your floor but you can’t find the strength to move lucky for you there is a man waiting on the floor quickly catching the door before it sent you right back to where you didn’t want to be.

“FRIDAY, hold the elevator,” Tony whispered, without a word the doors remained open. Tony slid down the wall, wrapping his arm around your shoulders, before pulling you into him. It started with a single tear, Tony watched it fall, his heartbreaking, wondering how such a girl could ever end so broken in the corner of an elevator.

The rest of the team soon emerged from the next elevator over. Bucky was the first to come in view, you quickly turned into Tony burying your head into his neck, refusing look at him. Tony’s suit was soon soaked in tears and your shoulders shook against his grasp.

“FRIDAY, close the doors send us to my room.” The doors begin to shut. “Stay away Barnes, you’ve done enough.” With that, the doors shut, sending you up once more.

As the doors opened Tony helped you off the ground, walking you into the sitting area of his apartment before placing you on the couch. He quickly walks over to the bar to grab you a glass of the hard stuff, once done coming over and making sure you drink it.

“There you are, sweetheart, I got you. What happened?” He wraps his hand once more around your shoulders. Suddenly the doors ding and they both tense swinging to see who it was. To their relief it was Wanda, she quickly hurried over to you almost pushing Tony away as she pulls you into her.

“Draga, are you alright? You suddenly ran from the party. What happened?” She runs her hands over your hair shushing the cries coming from you.

“He… they…” You were choking on your own tears trying your hardest to contain them.

“Deep breath, Draga. It’s alright, take your time. Would you like some water or tea? Might help you calm down then we can talk about what happened. No rush though.” She continued to stroke your hair and travel down to your back. You nodded your head not trusting your voice. She doesn’t move but you can tell from the red in her eyes she was making the tea for you.

“Ok, black or green tea?” She asks gently. You whisper your answer. “Sugar or honey?” In a couple minutes the tea was floating over to you. Wrapping your hands around the mug you shakily lift the glass to your lips.

The warmth of the tea seems to calm you down a little. You take some deep breaths as you continue drinking.Tony and Wanda hover nearby, occasionally placing their hands rubbing their hands up and down your arms, merely assuring you that they were still there.

You finally set an empty cup down. You take a deep breath before looking at them both. You settle on Wanda, “When we were talking I noticed that Bucky had been gone awhile even though it was just to refill our drinks. So I thought maybe he got hung up talking with the guys.You pointed me towards the balcony,”You gesture towards Tony before taking a fortifying breath preparing yourself to continue.”So I headed over there and as I was opening the door I saw that hair. That red hair and his arm, and suddenly it was like that night so long ago. They were so close to each other like they were kissing or something. I….I don’t want to know. I don’t care what they were doing.” Your breath is coming in shorter bursts, your mind was reeling trying to recall everything but still trying to forget it at the same time. “I can’t .. I don’t want to remember. But at the same time, I want to know why. Why does he always chose her? I thought it was getting better. It was like it used to be like I was the only woman in the whole world. So why? Why is she so special? Why Am I Not Enough?”

You couldn’t continue, hyperventilating Wanda helps you bend over trying to control the amount of airflow. She continues to rub your back but she has added in quiet whispers, you cannot discern the meaning as she is speaking her mother tongue but it seems to be helping as you can breathe just a little easier. A few very stubborn tears make their way out and you lean your head into the crook of Wanda’s neck burrowing to get away from all the pain.

The elevator opens once more and out walks Sam frantically searching the room. When he sees you tucked on the couch he quickly walks towards you collapsing to his knees in front of you. You peel yourself away and throw yourself into the proven safe arms.

“Hey,” he grips on tight almost as if he can keep you together if he just holds on tight enough. “Hey baby girl, I just talked to Steve and Bucky. They said you ran into the elevator. What happened?”

You were getting a little tired of that question. Why wouldn’t they just let it go? They could talk to each other. The only thing you wanted to do now escaped into the beautiful oblivion that is sleep and forgets it all. Even if you had to face the truth tomorrow. The adrenaline was finally leaving you, with it came only whatever alcohol coursed through and you fell limp against Sam. Letting go of every ounce of control and strength left, leaving yourself completely in Sam’s care.

“You can take her to the guest room” Sam lifts you up into his arms while Tony shows the way. “Third door on the right. Let her sleep, we can explain what went down when you get back.” Sam merely nods before heading out.

He gently places you on the bed, pulling off your shoes gently tucking your legs underneath the blanket. He moved on to your hair pulling out any hairpins letting it fall down. When a tap on the door comes Wanda quickly drops off a glass of water with some aspirin before leaving quickly. Sam holds it up waiting for you to drink it. Finally, he goes to the bathroom grabbing a washcloth.

It is warm on your face as he wipes away your makeup erasing the tear tracks and soothing your eyes as he folds it gently upon your eyes. “Go to sleep baby girl I’ll be here in the morning. We can talk then.” He kisses your forehead and sits back. When your breathing evens out he grabs the cloth and exits the room quietly.

He wonders back into the main area to see the whole group, Bucky and Nat included. Walking around to the front so that he can take in every single one of them. Saying there was tension was an understatement, it ran thick through the group each one eyeing the other trying to figure out who was to blame.He makes eye contact with each one settling each one into their seats.

“Now, I think this is going to be a civil and informative conversation. Each of you will have a chance to speak until we are all on the same page. I don’t want to hear a single thing out of any of you. It is about time we get we our heads and facts straight.” He glares at each of them showing them a rare sight of how he truly works. “Let me remind you right now we are here because we all love her to different degrees keep that in mind. I want to hear from you, Tony, about what happened after (Y/N) left the party.”

Tony proceeds to recount the story an obvious hostile tone directed straight at the two offenders. Wanda can be seen nodding her head agreeing but as she takes in the emotions of the two in question. There is something about the remorse and the pain she is feeling, but mostly it is the lack of guilt or shame. She cocks her head taking in the two, they weren’t touching, weren’t even making eye contact with each other. In fact, they seemed at peace with each other like they had a full understanding of where they stood with each other.

Tony wraps up spitting some final insults. Sam shushes him, turning to the two in question, he gestures for them to start. Natasha begins stating everything almost like she was in a mission debrief making every point clear and concise. She had sought Bucky out, spurred on by the need to clear the air and finally be free of this burden.

“I saw Bucky approach us, Sam and I, at the bar. He was refilling (Y/N)’s drink. We started up a conversation and I thought now was a good time as ever to get it done. I figured we could finish it and move on enjoy the rest of the evening with his lady and I could enjoy the rest of the night. I wanted a more quiet environment make sure I left nothing out. We started to head to the balcony until Bucky stopped me and had Sam follow us. Figured we could have someone mediate for us and make sure there would be no misunderstandings if someone walked up. As you can tell that didn’t really go to plan.” She leans forward and buries her head in her hands. “It was because (Y/N) had found us talking the other day. I could see it in her eyes that she still had her doubts. I couldn’t get the sight out of my head. I want my best friend back and I figured the best way to do that was to figure out where I stand with Bucky and to make sure we both understood our positions.” She trails off, her eyes are glistening with tears.

As she falls silent eyes cast to the floor Bucky picks up, telling his story. “There is not much to say, it’s as she says. We talked and once we realized that we would never be anything ever and how much I love (Y/N), we hugged and that’s when I  heard her gasp. By the time I got inside Tony was taking care of her and told me not to come near her.”

The room falls silent as they each get lost in their thoughts, making their own connections and coming to conclusions. As they each affirmed their ideas they looked up and glanced at each other.

“Well, I’m guessing we have all come to the same conclusion. So now the only question is how do we get our girl to see the same thing as we do?” Sam is leaning against a wall and thinking about how to go about this.

For the next couple hours, the group started coming up with idea and plans. They worked like the well-oiled machine that they were and the best part was they working towards making the one person who held the group together the happiest they could.

When the sun rose the next day, they would start Operation Glue.

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What it’s like to be a fanfiction Author

WHEN YOUR STORY GETS A LITTLE BIT OF ATTENTION:

WHEN YOU GET A LOT OF NOTES:

WHEN SOMEONE SENDS YOU SWEET ASKS:

WHEN YOU GET NO NOTES:

WHEN A STORY THAT PEOPLE USE TO LIKE NO LONGER GETS ANY ATTENTION:

WHEN YOU CAN’T HELP BUT FEEL JEALOUS OF SUPER POPULAR WRITERS:

WHEN YOU DO ALL YOUR WRITING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT:

PS.

I really hate tumblr.  

Am I Enough PT 14

Bucky X Reader

The excitement of the up coming party continued to build as the week went on. With only one week to go you were trying to pry details out of Tony. Unfortunately it wants working, you were once again stomping out of the office, grumbling about stupid playboys that couldn’t share. This was met with laughter from said person.

“How do you think I became a billionaire, Sweetheart?”

You continue to grumble your way to the kitchen. Find the usual clan gathered you stomp to the fridge yanking the door open. “Oops, someone’s in a foul mood. What’s got you down darling?” Sam slings an arm around you, pulling you in.

“Tony won’t tell me anything about the party.” You send a pout and doe eyes at him. He chuckles and presses a kiss to your temple. “Sam, it’s my party I should have a say in what’s happening.”

“Yes, but we both know that’s not going to happen. Tony likes control too much to let you do that. Plus on the down low it is a great excuse to spoil you.” He runs your shoulder, trying to calm the fire with reason.

“Well, can’t say no to that but he could at least tell me details, color scheme at least.”

“Why? You already have your outfit.”

“So, I would hate to clash, what if its not fancy enough or too fancy. I’ll stick out like a sore thumb.”

“Darling, I think that’s the point it is your party, remember?”

“Gah!!!! You are no help what so ever.” You push him away, going back to your search for food. You really couldn’t complain, you had complete and total faith that it would be amazing and everything you ever wanted in a birthday. You really just didn’t want him to go overboard with everything. But of course you might just have to except your fate and just go with it. Suddenly an idea pops into your head.

“Ah! I got it!” You whip around to face the group sitting at the island. You walk forward switching eye contact with a certain two. “I need certain super spies, to go get me information.” You wiggle your eyes suggestively at them. You were met with shaking heads. “Oh come on guys, I just need to make sure I don’t have to arrive on an elephant. Please?!”

“Oh no can do I’m already in deep water with Tony. Ruining a party would be the final straw, he would freeze me and throw the capsule into the deepest darkest abyss.” Bucky states firmly. “Nat wouldn’t fare much better either.”

“Geez, why do I ask you people?” You shift your gaze to the man on the end. “Fine! We send in the boyfriend. You’re bound to get information out of him.”

“Ha, very funny. Answer is still no though. Don’t want my “boyfriend” to break up with me.” Steve is used to it by now, this constant teasing, you can tell by the barely there exasperation. You puff your cheeks out. “Not even the pouty face will get you anything from me either.”

“Fine, I’ll just have to be surprised.”

“That is the point of this whole thing, you know?”

Giving up you plop your head onto fists. You were really just going to have to be surprised. Well, what could you do. A plate of pancakes is placed before you along with a carafe of warm syrup. You instantly perk up, swinging your head up to see who your temporary god is.

“Come on sweet cheeks, you’ll be less grumpy when your fed.” Sam smiles down at you before placing a brief kiss to your hair. He turns back to the stove, flipping more pancakes.

“I knew I loved you for some reason.” You state around a mouth full of pancake.

“What?! Only love me for my skills.” He grips his chest in mock hurt. “The least it could be my body, these toned arms? What about this face?”

“Eh? I don’t know I give it a 5.” You pretend to ponder. He is quick to snatch your plate as you dive back in. “Hey! My pancakes!”

“Nope, not until you admit that I have a gorgeous bod.”

“But, Sam.” You quiver your lips making the best puppy dog eyes you could. “My pancakes.” You even manage a tear.

He stares trying to break you. It wasn’t until the second tear slides that he gives in. “Fine! I give in just no more tears.”

“Yeah!” You clap your hands in victory.

You quickly devour the rest in fear someone would snatch it once again. The others are chuckling at you antics. The rest of the pancakes get served and eaten in record time. You place your dish in the washer before stepping next to Sam.

“Thanks for the food.” You lean in placing a swift kiss to his cheek. “Ok, you’re at least a 8.5”

“I knew it no can resist this face.” A few snorts and chuckles are heard around the group. Suddenly you hear a crack from the end of the island. You shoot your head to the side to find that Bucky has broken his glass sending coffee over the table. Steve quickly stands and Sam tosses a role to him.

“You ok, Buck?” Steve is cleaning up while trying to see if he is injured in any way.

“I’m fine punk. My hand glitched, that’s all. I’m going to see if Tony will look at it.” He keeps his head down while he exits.

With the mess cleaned up, everyone goes off on their own. You head up to your “office” already ready to get this day over with. It’s a mere 2 days till the party and you can barely contain yourself.

Upon arriving you waltz in, “Oh great, Swabi, what do you command me to do today?” You sweep a bow.

“Ha very funny, but if that’s how you want to play it sure let’s do it.” Tony grumps at your entrance. “Pitiful servant, I task there with cleaning all cars in a swimsuit.”

You giggle as you glance over at him. He is seated at one of his work stations, working on God knows what. It hits you that Bucky is no where to be seen.

“Hey, did Bucky not come in?” Maybe you had missed him, probably set up for another time.

“Nope haven’t seen him since yesterday.” He doesn’t look up from his task. “Why?”

“He said his arm was glitching this morning. He broke a cup.”

That seemed to perk Tony up. “Oh, really?” He pulls up another screen. You walk towards him to find the security feed playing from this morning. “Hmm, interesting indeed.” Noticing you lurking over his shoulder he quickly shut down the screen. Pulling up the schematics that were previously up. “I’ll talk to Barnes, he probably wanted to change before coming up here. Now, off with you. You’ve got a swimsuit to put on and a lot of cars to wash.”

“Seriously? You actually want me to wash them.” You roll your eyes, this job seemed to keep getting ridiculous.

“Well, duh, the Swabi has spoken so hop to it.” He waves his hand dismissing you.

“I shouldn’t have asked.”

“No, you really shouldn’t have, but you did so face the consequences.”

You exit the room, regretting this morning even more. You hesitate though remembering the video, Bucky had been holding the coffee cup in his left, flesh hand. So the only question was why would he lie?

You ended up in a swimsuit but also in a colored, aka not white, t-shirt and shorts. The last thing you needed was Tony using the security footage as blackmail. Especially with your birthday coming up. What you hadn't realized was the shear number of cars the man had. Each one sending you into a more foul mood. You just had to open your mouth. This day couldnt get worse.

Finally you swipe the last car with polish. You were covered in suds and polish smeared on your face. All you knew was that you were going to tear Tony a new one for thus stunt. Also he had way too many cars, who needed this many. No one. No one needed this many.

You huff your way through the common room headed for your room. “Wow, I’m getting a terrible sense of deja vu right now. I think we saw this face this morning.” You wearily turn your head toward the kitchen. Only to find the whole team looking at you.

“Shut up, Wilson. Do you know how many cars Tony has? No you don’t, but I do. Do you want to know how?” He shook his head. “Go on, Wilson, ask me how I know.” You glare daring him. Except you don’t let him ask. “I know because I just had to wash and polish, EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. WILSON! That’s how I know.” You turn away stomping, no one says a word. They all know you could snap at any moment. “Now if you’ll excuse me i need to change. Maybe, instead of running your mouth, you can be useful for once and make me something to eat before I get back.”

You exit, not hearing a peep before your door closes. Of coursee as sokn as the door closed they were all laughing until they were red in the face from Wilson's reaction to your outburst.

Man you were hangry, you would have to apologize later. Maybe while you were digging Tony’s grave while eatting a pizza. Yeah that sounded like a good idea.

Once in dry, clean clothes, you wander out to the main area. There is only Bucky seated now and beside him is a plate stacked high with food. You shuffle over, peering at the dish, then to the man beside it.

“For me?”

“Yes, the others ran off, fearing your wrath.” He gives you a sidewards glance. He assesses your reactions seeing if he has stepped too far. He finds you stuffing your face with as much vigor as this morning. You look like you haven’t eaten in days. Quietly chucking to himself, he shifts from the stool over to the couch in front of the TV. He flips on Netflix and quickly selects one of the shows you both had been watching together.

Once you had eaten, you hear the opening credits to the show. Hastily putting your dishes away you jump over the couch and settle in on the other side. Tucking your legs under you, you lean your head back against the couch. You both sit in silence for the most part, the occasional chuckle or gasp escaping you.

Bucky soon pulls a blanket out tossing it over both your legs. You stretch out getting even more comfortable. With the warmth of the blanket along with the murmuring of the TV you soon find you eye lids drifting shut.

You let your head fall to the side with the final thoughts of being so at peace and finding a good grave sight.

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