May I Please Very Politely Warn You That Da Vincis Monna Lisa Is Spelled With Two Ns!

May I please very politely warn you that Da Vinci’s “Monna Lisa” is spelled with two “n”s!

This is crucial because if you spell it with one “n” it’ll come out as “mona Lisa” and, since in Venetian “mona” means “pussy”, you’ll end up saying “pussy Lisa”, so yeah don’t say that

Poll: if your mom remarries when you’re 26 years old is that guy still your stepdad or is he just your mom’s husband.

An absolutely CRITICAL part of mermaid social etiquette is to ALWAYS swim around head height with other mermaids. This prevents both mermaids from harming each other via their tails, fins, and other appendages.

This etiquette is also intended to symbolize equality – regardless of whether you’re a coastal mermaid, a small freshwater mermaid, or a 50ft tall deep sea mermaid, everybody is deserving of equal stature.

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Hey you know how I said I was going to make a workbook on the kind of bullshit you need to do when someone you love dies? I actually did that.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH LOTS OF SWEARING AT THE USELESS, SHITTY SITUATION YOU’RE IN.

HERE IS THE VERSION WITH A FAIR AMOUNT OF BLACK HUMOR BUT NO CURSEWORDS.

Featuring Helpful Sections such as:

Death Certificates – What you need, why you need them, and how to get them

Prepare to spend a long and miserable time on the phone

What the Everloving Fuck is Probate

Some Simple Dos and Don’ts

Shitty Mad Libs – Templates for writing Obituaries and Memorials

How to plan a non-religious death party

So you suddenly have to become some sort of hacker or some shit

This is an eighteen page book that you can print out, download, share, and give away; it is meant to be used to collect information about funeral planning and account management after a death OR you can use it BEFORE you die and give people information so they’re not stuck playing Nancy Fucking Drew while trying to keep seventeen cousins who crawled out of the woodwork from gutting each other in front of the fucking casket as they argue about who’s inheriting grandma’s favorite dentures.

It’s not exactly cheerful and it’s full of things that are probably going to feel really fucking raw if you’re processing a fresh death.

I’m sorry! I love you! Death is shitty! I’m trying to laugh about it a little and I hope you can laugh a little too because otherwise we’re all just going to cry together.

Good luck!

(in memory of my weirdo mother and her weirdo siblings who all died too fucking young and left me holding this flaming bag of dogshit)