Some Thoughts About Kawi, Sexuality, And Sex

Some thoughts about Kawi, Sexuality, and Sex

When it comes to Kawi, ep 10 of Be My Favorite is really about his relationship with sex. Some people see him as being ace (or ace coded) but I'm not 100% sure it's the issue here.

As I read it, Kawi is an observer and not a participant, and I will try to explain what I mean.

When the show starts, we are told that Kawi has no friends. His experience is that no one wants to be his friend because he is a sad loser. However, we soon find out that the reason he doesn't have any meaningful relationships is that he himself refuses to take part in them. People around him don't see him as a sad loser, but he does. The reason that he is successful being Pear's secret buddy in that game (can't remember what they called in the show), is that he spends his time on the outside looking in. He observes the people he wants to be around as a replacement for actually engaging with them in a relationship.

He knows he did good with the game because he knows Pear and he knows he made her happy with his gifts, but he doesn't get the payoff because he is late and at that point he has to watch someone else (Pisaeng) be that image of coolness that he can't achieve. All this while being physically outside of the room looking in, observing what his life could be like.

This causes him to further retreat, understand that that's his place in society. Even his choice of profession in the original timeline - a subtitler! The ultimate observer and the safest way to engage with life - he knows what's going on, but he doesn't have to take part in it.

OK, so how does this have anything to do with sex?

Well, here is what we know so far:

At the beginning of the story, Kawi is a 30 y.o virgin.

Every moment of intimacy he has with Pisaeng up to ep 9 happens while Kawi is drunk. I say ep 9 because I'm not talking about the kissing, I'm talking about intimacy in general. Like the only times he is able to let go of his barriers and allow himself to be real with Pisaeng are when he's drunk.

In the most recent version of the future-present that we get, Kawi is no longer a 30 y.o virgin. He has spent a considerable amount of time being in a relationship with Pear and sex doesn't seem to be an issue in that relationship.

In the current present-past, Kawi is terrified at the idea of having sex (or any kind of physical intimacy) with Pisaeng. He doesn't have a problem using the word love when he talks to pisaeng's mother however. And we know that he is pursuing a romantic relationship with Pisaeng.

What I see when I look at this is that drunk Kawi has no issues with intimacy. Drunk Kawi was the one in a relationship with Pear. Drunk Kawi has no problem initiating physical intimacy with Pisaeng. Drunk Kawi has no problem actively looking for intimacy with pisaeng.

However, sober Kawi does not engage. Sober Kawi keeps a safe distance at all times from everything. Sober Kawi doesn't enjoy physical touch in general. He does feel more comfortable with Pisaeng, but up to a certain point. He will not let sober pisaeng touch him, but he does allow drunk pisaeng to be more touchy. That's because he still has control of the situation when he is the sober one.

If I'm reading this correctly, Kawi is so afraid of intimacy that he becomes intimacy starved. He spends years actively avoiding and actively staying at his observer position, that when the time comes to actually participate, he is at war with his instincts. I think he wants to stay at "holding hands in bed" because it's safe. This way he gets to engage without actually taking part. Even the park date - it's enough to just be there. He doesn't need to take part and go on the rides. He is there to watch everyone else do what they're supposed to do at an amusement park. He is in his observer position. He is safe.

Another issue with people who are intimacy and touch starved, is that they become afraid that once they have it it's going to be too much for them to take and they won't be able to contain it. They are also afraid the other person is not going to be able to contain and provide what they need because it's too much. As a result, they take an additional step back just to be on the safe side, creating even more distance between them and the person they want to be intimate with.

I get why Max's advice feels off for many, but for me there are two points he makes that make sense in this:

he says to Kawi that holding hands is fine as long as both him and Pisaeng are fine with it. And I think that what he's trying to tell Kawi is that he is not alone anymore looking from the sidelines. He is inside, in this relationship, and he has no choice but to be an active participant.

He tells Kawi that having sex will help him know himself better. This is terrifying for Kawi and it shows in his face. One of the main things observers are proud of, is the fact that they are always prepared because they never go in blind. They take the time to observe the people that they want to engage with, they learn how they react and adjust themselves to the situation. If they don't know how to adjust, they keep away. Having sex means going into uncharted territory, losing control, and having someone else to experience that with you. Kawi has no way of observing that specific situation (of himself having sex with Pisaeng) beforehand to help him prepare and find a way to make it safe for himself to engage and take part. Meaning making sure he's not too much for Pisaeng and that he can be there for Pisaeng (much like he could be there for Pear during the secret buddy game). He HAS to go in blind and it's going to require a huge leap of faith on his side.

If you've gotten this far, I appreciate it and I hope this makes sense to you. Feel free to let me know what you think.

Info cards about 3 main characters from upcoming thai bl series The Whisperer:

Kun - Fluke Pongsakorn

เป็นคนรักมากและเกลียดจนฆ่าได้ A person who loved strongly and hated enough to kill

เป็นคนขาดความรักต้องการความรักสูง A person who lacks love and desperately needs love.

"หยุดพูดสักทีไม่อยากได้ยินหยุดพูด" "Stop talking. I don't want to hear it. Stop talking."

เป็นคนติดแฟน a clingy lover

Taw - Tor Komkrit

คูณฟังตาวนะ สิ่งที่เห็นมันอาจจะไม่ใช่เรื่องจริงก็ได้ Kun, listen to me. What you see may not be true.

อบอุ่น ปากหวาน ช่างเอาใจ warm, sweet-mouthed, likes to please(and is good at it.)

ฝีมือทำกะเพราไก่ถือว่าเด็ด His fried chicken basil is outstanding.

ใครอยู่ใกล้ก็หลงเสน่ห์ได้ง่ายๆ Anyone who is near him can easily be charmed.

Wit - Time Obnithi

ยังไม่อิ่มอีกเหรอ...กินมูมมามนะเรา Still not full yet? Quite a messy eater, ain't you?

เป็นคนชอบความท้าทาย A person who like a challenge

เป็นคนเจ้าเล่ห์ ชอบวางแผน A cunning person who likes to plan

ทำได้ทุกอย่างเพื่อให้ได้ในสิ่งที่ต้องการ Can do anything to get what he want

All translation credit goes to @recentadultburnout thank you again for your help!

26.07.23

Laws of Attraction, episode 2.

No major revelations to report, just a few takeaways:

Charn: Menace - pure but not simple. His unhinged expressions ... Wow.

Also, watching this show while binge-ing To Sir With Love for the first time is, in a word, jarring.

Tinn: stand up guy, seemingly well-adjusted but vulnerable to Charn's charms. Yes, there's more to Charn (enough to justify his attraction) but there's more to Tinn as well. It will be interesting to see if he's able to stick to his convictions when the scumbags of the world keep winning.

This man:

This man is BEAUTIFUL:

For him, I hope everything is ultimately the politician's doing (including forcing his son to cover for him). If Thaentai is redeemable, then maybe beautiful Thee can still get his HEA.

My favorite thing about Laws of attraction is a the deep difference between Tinn and Chan about romantic love and sex. Tinn sees grieving as a very ascetic process. He devoted his life to his niece and now will give his life to find justice. Chan is in incredible pain but has decided that he can be in love and smash this man in the lulls between the waves of his sorrow. So yes, he will keep asking because he really doesn’t see why not ??!! Yes life is horrible but do you want to make out though ??!!

La Pluie: We Must Speak Our Love

La Pluie, my precious child, my perfect show, I could not love you more. You stayed true to your themes the entire way through, and you trusted the audience to use our brains to understand what you were trying to say. You stuck to your guns about focusing on the relationships and the choices the characters made as the driving forces of this narrative, not the mythology and not destiny. You knew exactly what story you wanted to tell and you told it with a clarity and completeness that is extremely rare in these drama streets. I salute you.

This show never intended to solve the questions around the workings of fate in this universe, and while the characters individually may or may not believe in soulmates, what matters is who they choose to love. Tai even said it a few times in this episode to make sure the point was extra clear:

As for the destiny and soulmate stuff, they are like a trap in our relationship.

Love is about two people. It doesn’t need destiny to pave [the way]. I don’t care whether you are my soulmate or not. The most important thing is our feelings…I love you, Patts. I don’t care if it rains or not. I do love you no matter what happens.

No one chooses to find an answer anymore [about hearing loss or soulmates]. Because whether or not we know, it doesn’t have anything to do with the path that each person chooses. At least, we get to choose our own path, instead of destiny determining for us.

With that theme (which has been present through the entire show) coming through loud and clear, in the finale La Pluie was able to turn to another very important theme and hammer it home: the importance of speaking our love out loud, and communicating clearly with the people we care about. The fantasy of romance novels–that your lover will just intrinsically understand you without need for you to speak–was fully dismantled. This show said it is selfish to hold back your true thoughts and feelings from those you love, and we can only really connect with each other when we are willing to use our words. Below, I break down the many places this theme showed up in the finale’s excellent resolutions for our characters. 

Dream and Nara

First of all, let me just scream again because AHHHHHHHHHHH. I did not dare to dream that we would actually get this pairing, not as subtext, but as actual text in this show. We got to see Dream ask Nara out! And importantly, we got to see Nara nudge her into doing so by asking her to be clear. When Dream started hinting about whether Nara was open to a new relationship, Nara said straight out:

Can I ask why you want to know that?

Dream then got shy, but Nara kept talking to make it very clear exactly what they were discussing. She didn’t want any uncertainty between them, so she told Dream directly that she was welcome to hit on her. We love a confident and direct communicator! And we see in the epilogue montage that this clear communication paid off for them, and they are now happily dating.

Lomfon and Tien

I have to start this section by giving mad props to Lomfon, because that boy: understood exactly what he did wrong, reached out to Tien to try to make amends many times despite being rebuffed, put his effort into a film project that would get Tien’s attention, and then when the crucial moment came, used his words and used them well.

Lomfon was determined to show Tien how he felt, which was an important part of their resolution. His persistence mattered because it proved to Tien that he was serious. But his actions alone were not enough. When Tien asked why he made that film, Lomfon said:

I have already told you. I would show you with my actions.

And Tien walks away. It is only when Lomfon opens his mouth and begins to speak, in no uncertain terms, about what he did wrong, why he is sorry, and what he wants with Tien going forward, that Tien accepts his sincerity (and lays one on him). 

The words mattered. Tien needed to hear them to know that he could trust Lomfon with his heart. And now that he has heard him, he will.

Tai’s Journey

When we first see Tai in this episode, he is still stubbornly clinging to the idea that Patts is going to reach out to him first, passively waiting for that to happen, and resigning himself to giving up if it doesn’t. Tien shares our frustration with this knucklehead, and tries one more time to get through to his brother:

For the past two years, you haven’t talked to him. He had tried to reach you so many times.

Tien said brother, I love you, but it is your turn to try. And he’s right! Patts has been doing all the heavy lifting in this relationship, and Tai is the one who was in the wrong. He needs to be the one to reach out to Patts this time. 

This inspires some further reflection for Tai, and he finally makes an important connection: he has been doing to Patts what his mother did to him.

You’re really not going to say a thing?! I can’t understand [if you] say nothing.

Yadfah’s silence hurt Tai deeply, and as he remembers his painful conversations with her in the aftermath of the divorce, he realizes he stonewalled Patts the same way his mother stonewalled him. He finally seems to grasp how unfair that was, and he immediately springs into action. 

Tai’s first stop is Dream, who he is hoping can tell him where Patts is. In his conversation with her, we hear him reflect again on how his silence harmed their relationship.

If I’d understood him and talked to him earlier, it wouldn’t have turned out like this.

He also learns about Patts seeing him with Lomfon, which clarifies for him why Patts hasn’t reached out and why he has cut off contact from everyone. His determination grows, and with only the knowledge that Patts is helping to open a veterinarian clinic somewhere in Chiang Mai, he hits the road. 

But we’re not quite done with Tai’s lessons yet! As Tai wanders aimlessly around Chiang Mai, checking every clinic he can find, he makes some new friends when he runs out of gas and a shockingly kind couple invites him to eat dinner with them and stay overnight in their home. Art and Phueng are lovely people who have been together for years, sticking it out through Phueng becoming permanently disabled. Tai asks them for their secret to being happy together, and Phueng tells him:

We listen to and understand each other. We listen more, and speak less…if we speak more but listen less, we don’t hear [each other’s voices]. Then we don’t understand each other.

Do we got it yet, friends? Communication is the key to a happy relationship. 

Tai and Patts 

After days of searching, Tai finally finds Patts by chance, looking like a dead man walking in the street outside his clinic. And Tai wastes no time, calling out for him, running to him immediately, and launching into his verbalization of everything he’s realized. Crucially, he starts here:

You don’t have to say anything. This time, please let me say it.

And y’all. Y’all! Those words meant so much to me, let alone how it must have felt for Patts. We see Patts draw in a surprised breath after Tai promises he will say it this time, and as Tai goes on his eyes get increasingly misty and he struggles to keep his face neutral–you can see how much it all means to him. To finally have Tai acknowledge that Patts has been the one doing all the communicating, that he understands where he messed up now, that he was wrong, that he is sorry, that he absolutely does love Patts and he should have been able to say it. 

I didn’t talk to you well. I let it slide until [it got] bad like now.

Tai finally understands that his refusal to speak was the core problem, and he is saying it all now.

And that is all Patts needs to forgive him. Just the words that Tai has been holding back. Tai’s silence was always the thing that caused him the most pain, and now that he is speaking his love out loud, they can move forward. They can choose each other with no further doubts and a commitment to keep talking.

(Thank you thank you to @wen-kexing-apologist for grabbing screenshots for this post for me, and an extra special shout-out to @bengiyo for grabbing me after episode 1 of this show and telling me in no uncertain terms that I needed to start paying attention immediately. It has been an honor to clown with you and work to bring so many along with us for this wonderful show.)

Since we're apparently going in ... LET'S GO.

@shouldiusemyname, yeah, the time jump was literally three words on the screen that covered the time it took Rak to transfer schools. As @nerdybunnydestiny pointed out, he's back to being a freshman again, so credits just don't transfer in their universe. Whatever.

Also, in the 6 months that have passed, Rak has become close to Dino's BFF Mhee: they have each other's phone number; Mhee picks Rak up on his first day at the new school when Dino is busy and Rak is perfectly fine with this; and Mhee gives Rak a job. However, over the same period of time, somehow Rak and Dino are still at step one. No, that's generous - more like step 0.5.

I like the mega show idea. If we go with that, the show still could have worked in an "It's so bad that it's entertaining kind of way." But they're not leaning in to the absurdity of a parody! The obsessed BFF and violent ex should have been less ... I want to say "realistic" but that doesn't seem right. Basically, they should have gone bigger with it (think Fatal Attraction).

Re: Rak's father, I'm pretty sure that's either a budget issue or they just didn't want to take the time to cast the role. All we get is a very oddly distorted voice (perhaps another cast member autotuned badly). Then, they want us to believe that this man is going to pick up his only child from a date with a 30-year-old and not even get out of the car. Okay, sure. (At least with LITA, Payu met the mom, charmed her, etc.)

Totally agree about Mhee - only solid, comprehensible character. And I had completely forgotten about the other "animal" stories mentioned in the original pilot trailer [inserting here].

I'm actually curious about a Mhee/Chalarm pairing - not enough to watch another show in this series though. Plus, I'll be surprised if they manage to produce the other three stories. Either way, I still have questions:

Is there source material for this show and can it explain all the plot holes?

This show was originally slated for 5 episodes. They then double the runtime but somehow the show makes less sense. How did that happen? How??

I don't expect an answer to any of our questions. @nerdybunnydestiny is right; the narrator is high AF and that's why Dino Love is a disconnected debacle.

Should I bang you right now?

Dino: Be a good boy for your dad and me. [some comments about stones] Dino: Should I bang you right now? Rak: Why not? Dino: I'll take you to Chiang Mai after this. Dino: Your only answer is yes. Rak: Hm. I'm going.

The context of that convo:

WHAT THE HELL AM I WATCHING?? Make it make sense, please.