Arsan And Estelle Thinking Of Each Other.

Arsan and Estelle thinking of each other.

I made golden sky and dessert for Estelle and snow mountains and clear sky for Arslan.

OH MY GOSH ;_;

Drew Kazai to wind down a little bit after mock exams! (Fucking finals still coming up I hate it so much) since I wasn't very satisfied with the previous sketch I did of him (that was never uploaded, I think. I liked how I drew his face back then but alas from the hair to the body to the incomplete clothes I just... couldn't like it)

He looks like his older sister, who is the mother of AU!Arslan! Also he's Shapur's hubby. Go figure.

I still need to add his tats but that will come with the colouring stage (I haven't even decided what they should look like 😭 Does anyone got suggestions? 😭) I need to add his bracelet too, almost forgot.

Damn those pretty little forget-me-nots!

I had one pressed in my book, on the same page with the paragraph you had underlined for me back when your love language was still loud and unhinged. But then you forgot how to talk and I went blue realising those damned flowers never meant the same thing to you.

•pictures not mine, credit to the owners•

It's another night spent with Kazai. Such nights are becoming more frequent, he's noticed. He likes it, though he's not sure he can ever tell Kazai that.

And there he is, the subject of his thoughts, settled comfortably on a windowsill after he had thrown open the heavy curtains, soaking up the pale bright starlight as if he were made of it. The moon is absent tonight, but the stars are more than bright enough.

Kazai's hair sways in the crisp wind— winter is coming early this year, it seems— but Shapur only feels warm, like he has a thick blanket wrapped around him even though in truth he has nothing on him. Is it Kazai's magic? He's content to just watch him in silence like this. His body sores and aches all over, but it's a good ache. One he hopes to feel again. Does Kazai feel the same way? Does he want this to continue between them? Shapur hopes he does. He doesn't want this to end.

As if he heard Shapur's thoughts Kazai turns to face him, away from the night sky. His eyes seem to glitter, almost, and his rich black hair has turned a silvery blue in the pale light. And he smiles— oh he smiles— and he can almost taste it on his lips. Will he say something? Will he say this will be the last? It would make sense, after all that happened between them. He still remembers the wild eyes, remembers the hand on his throat, remembers the rage-filled tears. Still the thought turns his stomach. Gods, let it not be so, he thinks selfishly, desperately. Don't let this end just yet.

“I only give myself to people I trust,” Kazai says out of the blue, almost flippantly. “Thought I'd let you know.”

.

.

What?

He must've said it out loud, because Kazai starts laughing. It's airy— yet somehow laced with sadness. “I trust you,” he says this time, lips tugged into a smile. Why? Shapur wants to ask. Why, after everything? “Look. I know you think I wouldn't. You certainly have the right to think that way, after the way I acted.”

“Why? I thought you...” His skin and soul feel more exposed than they were mere moments ago, when they were doing it. “I thought you'd resent me. I thought you did.” Give me back their child, Shapur! Give me back my nephew you stole!

“I did.”

“Then why—?”

“That was before I realized you had nothing to do with it,” he sighs, lowering his gaze. “I thought you— well, I thought you snitched to your people. What we were doing— it went against what your society was about. You know that.”

He does know that, he does. He knew that since the day he first met Ayunnen, clutching Isfan protectively in the snowy mountains, protective against Shapur. He thought Shapur came to finish them off, mother and child.

He still doesn't know what exactly Ayunnen saw worthy in him that day, that made the mage willingly hand the child over. What did he see in me? He's always tried to live up to that, he has, but sometimes he can't help but doubt. What if Ayunnen saw wrong?

He's never felt less worthy than the day he saw Ayunnen's broken corpse and Kashi gutted open and bleeding out alone.

“Look. Shapur. I'm so sorry.”

He blinks. “What?”

“I said,” he says, not meeting Shapur's eyes. Why? What is he apologizing for? Why does he avert his gaze, as if he's weighed down by some terrible sin? Shapur isn't the one who suffered a great injustice. “that I'm sorry. I lashed out at you and accused you of betraying my trust— our trust when that couldn't be further from the truth. I should've thought before I acted.”

He swallows thickly. “I still couldn't save them.” I still couldn't stop it. They still died.

That's what makes Kazai look up and meet his eyes, and his eyes seem to be saying, Are you serious?

“Shapur. My guy. You came alone. They had an army.”

“But—”

“And from what I'd heard you were in Ecbatana until literally that day. You didn't even wait a day before coming to us, and we both know why you didn't bring an army.”

“That's...”

He didn't, because he never has before. He knew they would've felt uncomfortable with soldiers and high lords and authorities. He knew they went against the norms and laws of society. Ayunnen hadn't even intended to let Shapur keep meeting him. Shapur was just stubborn.

And how could he not be? He was indebted to Ayunnen— and in his eyes he was a shining beacon of gentleness and kindness in the world. He wanted to keep Ayunnen close, bring him and his family to Gorgan, even. He knew the three of them would be able to do so much good, he knew it so, but in the end...

Kazai chuckles wetly, wiping a tear away. “I know you cared for us. So don't blame yourself for... for what happened.” He leaves the window, to walk towards him, graceful as a cat. Shapur can't turn his gaze away. What is it that makes it so? Is this magic, too?

Kazai sighs. He looks fondly exasperated. “What I was gonna say is,” he sits down on the bed, “that I trust you, and... well... we could continue this. Or we could, y'know, go down the deep end. Make it not just about sex. We could be more, if you're up for that.” He averts his gaze again, but there's a smile on his face and his cheeks are rosy.

His brain screeches to a halt. Of all the things he was expecting tonight this certainly wasn't one of them. He was expecting the opposite, waiting for the hammer to finally drop.

He feels two strong hands envelope his own. “You don't have to give an answer right now,” Kazai says. “It's alright if you don't wanna go deeper, either. I'm just offering you with the option, is all.”

I want it, he thinks. I want it, more than anything else right now. I want you.

“We could try,” he says. Why has his strength left him? He's fought many battles and never felt so stunned like this. “Your offer, I mean. We could try. If you want to.” He realizes belatedly that Kazai was the one who offered this in the first place— of course he's up for it, it seems his wits have left him too.

Kazai's smile widens, showing off those pretty fangs. He feels a squeeze on his hands. “It's decided, then.”

Somehow, he knew in his heart.

He's made the right choice.

It’s been unusually cold in my part of California. Feels like autumn, makes me want to draw cozy things~ Part of my tiny house series You can get HD files, process videos, and even PSD files of my new paintings on Patreon.com/yuumei