17 September 2019

17 September 2019

Pada pukul 8:56 17 September 2019, sehari setelah ulang tahunku yang ke-21 aku sadar. Tentang mengapa aku tidak akan berkembang disini. Ini memang menarik tetapi aku sendiri pesimis tentang progres positif yang akan dihasilkan negeri ini perihal kejahatan. Atau mungkin sejak awal aku memang melihat kejahatan sebagai sesuatu yang sulit dibenahi. Sehingga aku pun semakin kesini semakin bingung dan acuh. Atau gabungan dari keduanya

It becoming a bad habit. Everytime i woke up after catching a glimpse of you, i run here. Giving your eyes, smile and laugh a body of words, senteces, and a little bit of my leftover feeling. This time we weren't in the station, this time we were home. But you were always in a rush. You ran there, you walked here and never in my direction. Is this how the story ended? Sadly yes.

April 10, 2020

There is something seriously wrong about still being up (and very much against my will) at 3 in the morning because you've woken up from your 2 hours of sleep. You thought by sleep early you will get up in the morning unlike these past couple days but the universe is really a bitch because you find yourself woken up just a minute before midnight. And to top it all of you get a freaky headache and it intensify by the way of Kundera's writing in the Unbearable Lightness of Being. You predict you'll get sleep eventually by reading it while Phoebe chanting in the background but the truth couldn't be more far from the expectation because the shit show in my head just get more intense by the minute and i am very much aware that it annoys me. All i want is just get back to sleep again please brain give me a break.

Kisah pukul 5 pagi

Aku kira aku akan menulis balada atau elegi dini hari. Halah terlalu panjang, toh orang-orang lebih memilih menyebutnya 3 am thoughts. Intinya, di subuh hari ini aku tidak menyangka akan menulis lagi. Rupanya jam tidur yang carut marut ini sedikit menimbulkan berkah, ya. Tapi aku sendiri juga bingung, bagaimana bisa sepasang mata ini tidak menutup secara alamiah ketika jarum jam sudah hendak menuju putaran untuk kembali ke awal? Mengapa aku masih tetap terjaga meskipun perut ini selalu melakukan orkes tanggap 17-an setiap lewat jam 1? Padahal aku sendiri yang ingin dan mengusahakan untuk tidur selama yang dibutuhkan. Yah tentu saja karena aku ini pemalas. Masa, aku akan menjawab karena aku ingin memangkas uang makan agar tidak perlu sarapan sehingga aku hanya perlu makan dua kali sehari, dan kalau beruntung aku hanya akan butuh makanan sekali dalam sehari? Terlihat menguntungkan ya. Padahal (lagi), kuberitahu sesuatu tentang aku yang sudah banyak orang-orang tahu. Nggak apa-apa biar faktanya semakin jelas saja. Aku ini tukang lapar. Untung ya bukan tukang makan? Kalau tidak, aku, orangtuaku, negaraku dan bumi ini mungkin adalah pihak yang sial. Semoga tidak banyak orang seperti aku. Dunia ini sudah berada di ambang kehancuran, tidak perlulah orang-orang lapar menambahkan kekacauan di dalamnya.

Tapi, lapar namun bisa tak makan, keren bukan? Semacam keahlian tambahan begitu. Makan tapi tak lapar juga masuk akal, sih. Kalau tidak, bentang alam buatan manusia di Bantar Gebang sana sudah pasti lenyap dan masyarakat sana pasti akan hidup sejahtera. Eh, bukannya mereka sekarang tidak hidup sejahtera lho ya. Teman-temanku yang penelitian ke sana saja sudah membuktikan. Memang susah ya, kalau negara sudah menanamkan sikap anti-korban. Ah sudah-sudah, kok rasanya aku yang jadi tidak masuk akal. Kan tadinya aku mau pamer kalau aku punya kekuatan untuk melawan pola alamiah manusia sehat yang bernama tidur. Tapi agaknya kisah ini melenceng ya. Mungkin aku memang perlu tidur. Sampaikan salamku pada mentari pagi-menuju-siang ya, semoga dia tidak merindukan aku. Sampai jumpa di petang.

25 Januari 2020

On Early Morning and McDonalds

There is something magical about early morning. To me its fresh wind and spurt of color slowly seeping in the sky is like a revival. And it left me awestruck. Sometimes i just sat or stand still, almost like trying to absorb every aspect of the moment and its magic then spreading it to entire cells of my body. Breath life into it.

Throughout my college years, it is a habit to spend the night in McDonalds. First, it was just because we got bored and we felt stuck working on our assignments in dorms. So we were searching for a nearby place where we can get free wifi, electricity and places that opened 24 hour. Why 24 hour? Because when we working on assignments it will take hours. Courtesy to our procrastination skills, difficult subject, lots of reading and journals searching and just writing general.

And why McDonalds? First of all, there's no study place, public library or working space that available 24 hours in this area. Or this country for that matters. And second, we like to eat. You know thinking requires energy and energy comes from foods. Or we just happened to enjoy eat so much.

But later in time, it become a habit to be in McDonalds from afternoon until the morning. Sometimes we do study, group project, just hangout and gossiping and telling stories till we get too sleepy or just because McDonalds held a GoPay Payday. And just like the victim of consumption culture shaped by capitalist economy we are, we rushed there and spend our money (or the electronic one) for hours.

Therefore my magical morning most of the time is spend and experienced in McDonalds or its parking lot to be exact. A little bit ironic isnt it to feel such magical moment in very common building that holds nothing magical in its historic sense apart from its capability to damage our environment by its mode of production and we still very much love its foods. As if we turn blind under a spell, that sounds like what a magic do to me.

Wed, June 24

Today is my first day going to the mall after the quarantine start at earlier this march. i walked from my kosan to Margo City. It was pretty hot today and i regret a little of my decision to walk there. the reason i have to go there is because i have to change my ATM card to a new one as it soon to be expired in July. the bank is rather empty but it is a small branch so maybe that’s just like normal. i didn’t wait long and the process to make a new card is smooth with no problem. but turns out my problem come from my feet. when my dry skin clashed with the inner sole of my shoes then add an adequate range of distance and the result is clear, two scratched open wound in each of my foot. so i have to go to Watson to buy some foot plaster. i swear throughout this quarantine my first aid kid box or my collection of medicine for that matters is becoming more varied since i fell sick a lot lately. my other problem that is waiting to be solved is my hunger for a good croissant. today i picked Margo City instead of going to an actual bank is because i was hoping i can buy pastries and see some baguettes at Tous Les Jours. but again the universe has failed me as the store is close. and it sucks BIG time. but i was not ready to give up my conquest so i go to BreadTalk and thank god they have croissant. although it was a little dense and the texture is bakery like, not crumbly and crunchy and it deflated when i put it in my grocery bag, but ya i guess what can you expect from an IDR9 croissant?