There Is Always Something Eerie About Justin Vernon's Work. He Shaped Sadness And Tragedies And Loneliness

There is always something eerie about Justin Vernon's work. He shaped sadness and tragedies and loneliness there is in this world in a very welcoming way. Ever since childhood days, we were often taught that happiness is what we should looked for in this world. Parents happy when their child happy, the child have to be grateful and make their parents happy. But the thing is, the world doesn't works like that. So when we faced with despair, anger, disappointment, and eventually anxiety we left alienated. We are confused. And thought what has gone wrong? What is our fault? Why does the world has to be so cruel? Etc. Because, we were never taught that there are times we are loss, we failed and when that times come we are consumed by sadness and tears as well as blank stares. It is ordinary. It is allowed to feel all those emotions. And it's just going to be a part of who you are and it will be the fragments that hold your life together. It is what makes you, you. Justin Vernon's song welcoming that ambiance. Add beautiful melody and soothing voice and you have it, your magical favorite singer. Truly magical.

Di Stasiun

Sedari dulu aku memang menyukai stasiun. Bagiku keramaiannya adalah tempat yang menyenangkan. Sekaligus menenangkan. Sejak pindah ke kota ini, kereta menjadi sahabatku yang sejak hari pertama mengantarkan aku ke tempat-tempat yang tepat. Maaf ya kalau aku sebegini melankolis tentang stasiun.

Lalu kamu tiba-tiba menerobos antara aku dan stasiun. Kamu dan aku berbagi kenangan dengan stasiun. Ah.... sudahlah.

Tuhan, kenapa tiba-tiba kemampuanku merangkai kata sirna ya? Jujur saja, hanya kepadamu kata-kataku selalu tertahan dan keluar berkelindan dan acak adul. Tuhkan, aku tidak koheren lagi. Tapi dalam kasus ini aku menyalahkan jiwaku yang belum terkumpul rapi karena tersentak bangun dari mimpi yang terasa nyata sekali. Hitung mundur masinis itu masih terngiang. Tangga itu masih terasa. Stasiun yang mirip manggarai namun agak seperti Stasiun Bogor yang bercampur dengan imajinasiku tentang stasiun-stasiun di Jepang karya Murakami. Aku masih bisa mendengar Kelapa Gading disebut, aku masih bisa merasakan ketergesaanku dan aku masih mengingatmu. Meskipun aku sekarang sudah lupa, kita tadi habis menonton pertunjukan apa sih? Ingin sekali kutanya padamu karena kita berada di gedung yang sama dan kita berada di Stasiun yang sama pula.

Di saat seperti inilah aku bingung, entah ingin menyalahkan, berterima kasih, atau merutuk pencipta Stasiun kereta. Atau padamu, yang sudah lancang sekali menginterupsi aku dan Stasiun. Aku harus berhenti. Lama-lama tulisanku benar-benar tidak koheren lagi. Tapi aku takut kalau aku terlelap lagi dan aku berada di Stasiun itu, kamu masih berada di sana. Melihatku kasat mata.

10 Februari 2020.

02:39

Apa kamu sedang berada di Stasiun?

I just realized that i dont really want to work for some companies when i sent email this morning. Imagined how doomed i was to not be able to succumb to the standardized imaginary vision of comfortable success in the life of an average adult. I just really fear the concept of working, search for a job, making CV, compete, this and that. It got worst because its already final year of college. I just cant imagine myself working in office like environment helPpP. So in other words, i actually glad i dont have to do internship this holiday. The more i read Murakami the more i like to be one of his odd characters or just living his laid back life really. I actually dreamed of being a writer back in the days. But hey now im just a rly dysfunctional adults unable to do anything. So do you know that many things in my life always take turns like one day i like chocolate and now i despise that and once i hate sandra bullock and now im watching every one of her movies. Like do you get what i meant? Im afraid that one day i get off from some office and regret it or the other way around because nothing is forever. But this is my life and my mode to making money we are talking about. I cant afford any other financial uncertainties in my life. God somehow i want to dissappear all at once. And reincarnate as a flying bison or water. That would be useful right and easy and dont have to worry about world's injustice and making money and all the shit. I really like long words do i?

It becoming a bad habit. Everytime i woke up after catching a glimpse of you, i run here. Giving your eyes, smile and laugh a body of words, senteces, and a little bit of my leftover feeling. This time we weren't in the station, this time we were home. But you were always in a rush. You ran there, you walked here and never in my direction. Is this how the story ended? Sadly yes.

April 10, 2020

Berakar lalu mati

Seperti selayaknya tanaman, aku hidup. Menancapkan akar-akarku dengan kuat ke temanku, Tanah. Tanah dan aku suka bercengkrama. Kami berbicara dengan bahasa hara. Tanah sehat, aku pun tumbuh. Pernah sekali Tanah bercanda, kalau seperti ini aku akan semakin cantik. Mekar, indah dan mungkin akan menjadi anugerah. Tanah takut, aku pergi. Suatu hari tanah sebal, sebab aku pergi dan tak kembali. Dia kesal karena aku sekarang meninggalkannya. Tanah juga takut luruh tauk! Kata dia. Aku sendiri pun takut, berada di toko-toko yang ampun sesaknya ini. Air tidak sehebat tanah. Ia tak bisa bahasa hara. Akhirnya aku hanya menunggu, yah sambil berganti rumah tentunya. Hari ini genap 2 hari aku meninggalkan Tanah, di jendela ini aku hanya bisa memandang sosok hitam kokoh yang membujur dari ujung ke ujung itu. Kota ini indah, tapi tidak seindah Tanahku. Ah sudahlah.

23 Januari 2020

I miss walking down this alley. Walking briskily while listened to my current semester playlist. And think that my makeup wasbgood and i felt pretty that day. Or just silently cursing why classes begin so early at 8 in the morning.