"What Happened?" The Heart Whispered.

"What happened?" The heart whispered.

"Nothing," answered the universe. "I don't know."

I take it's heat vs nets in the east. Unless celtics become more resilient than what they appear to be, it's a clean path. and yes im forgetting bucks purposely.

Memulai

Seperti kata orang-orang itu, awal selalu yang paling susah. Begitu juga dengan memulai.

Sekarang aku ingin berhenti berangan-angan. Berhenti menunda. Aku ingin memulai. Memulai untuk serius. Serius melukis. Serius lari. Serius menulis. Serius belajar. Serius masak. Serius bersyukur. Serius berteman. Aku bisa membuat daftar panjang tentang ini karena banyak hal yang bisa kita lakukan jika kita serius. Serius tidak hanya menjanjikan fokus yang kadang bisa hilang. Serius memberikan determinasi dan niat bahwa semuanya harus dilakukan dengan tuntas. Tapi serius tanpa fokus akan pincang. Karena ketika fokus pergi, distraksi datang silih berganti. Disini fokus memberikan petunjuk ke arah yang tepat. Alih-alih bereksperimen dengan banyak rute yang bisa membuatmu lelah, tersesat, marah dan kemudian menyerah.

Keseriusan sering muncul dimana-mana. Terutama di obrolan sehari-hari. Seperti ibu yang bertanya pada anaknya yang hendak merantau. Seperti sepasang sahabat yang berdiri di sebuah kamar pas di pusat perbelanjaan. Seperti tetangga yang duduk di atas aspal dengan sepotong cerita. Seperti aku yang mendengar harga bawang bombay akhir-akhir ini. Juga seperti kekasih yang tidak ingin saling menyakiti.

Semuanya dimulai dengan sebuah kalimat, “Serius?”

Ditulis 28 Juli 2019

Diselesaikan 29 Maret 2020

On Early Morning and McDonalds

There is something magical about early morning. To me its fresh wind and spurt of color slowly seeping in the sky is like a revival. And it left me awestruck. Sometimes i just sat or stand still, almost like trying to absorb every aspect of the moment and its magic then spreading it to entire cells of my body. Breath life into it.

Throughout my college years, it is a habit to spend the night in McDonalds. First, it was just because we got bored and we felt stuck working on our assignments in dorms. So we were searching for a nearby place where we can get free wifi, electricity and places that opened 24 hour. Why 24 hour? Because when we working on assignments it will take hours. Courtesy to our procrastination skills, difficult subject, lots of reading and journals searching and just writing general.

And why McDonalds? First of all, there's no study place, public library or working space that available 24 hours in this area. Or this country for that matters. And second, we like to eat. You know thinking requires energy and energy comes from foods. Or we just happened to enjoy eat so much.

But later in time, it become a habit to be in McDonalds from afternoon until the morning. Sometimes we do study, group project, just hangout and gossiping and telling stories till we get too sleepy or just because McDonalds held a GoPay Payday. And just like the victim of consumption culture shaped by capitalist economy we are, we rushed there and spend our money (or the electronic one) for hours.

Therefore my magical morning most of the time is spend and experienced in McDonalds or its parking lot to be exact. A little bit ironic isnt it to feel such magical moment in very common building that holds nothing magical in its historic sense apart from its capability to damage our environment by its mode of production and we still very much love its foods. As if we turn blind under a spell, that sounds like what a magic do to me.

I just realized that i dont really want to work for some companies when i sent email this morning. Imagined how doomed i was to not be able to succumb to the standardized imaginary vision of comfortable success in the life of an average adult. I just really fear the concept of working, search for a job, making CV, compete, this and that. It got worst because its already final year of college. I just cant imagine myself working in office like environment helPpP. So in other words, i actually glad i dont have to do internship this holiday. The more i read Murakami the more i like to be one of his odd characters or just living his laid back life really. I actually dreamed of being a writer back in the days. But hey now im just a rly dysfunctional adults unable to do anything. So do you know that many things in my life always take turns like one day i like chocolate and now i despise that and once i hate sandra bullock and now im watching every one of her movies. Like do you get what i meant? Im afraid that one day i get off from some office and regret it or the other way around because nothing is forever. But this is my life and my mode to making money we are talking about. I cant afford any other financial uncertainties in my life. God somehow i want to dissappear all at once. And reincarnate as a flying bison or water. That would be useful right and easy and dont have to worry about world's injustice and making money and all the shit. I really like long words do i?

Di Stasiun

Sedari dulu aku memang menyukai stasiun. Bagiku keramaiannya adalah tempat yang menyenangkan. Sekaligus menenangkan. Sejak pindah ke kota ini, kereta menjadi sahabatku yang sejak hari pertama mengantarkan aku ke tempat-tempat yang tepat. Maaf ya kalau aku sebegini melankolis tentang stasiun.

Lalu kamu tiba-tiba menerobos antara aku dan stasiun. Kamu dan aku berbagi kenangan dengan stasiun. Ah.... sudahlah.

Tuhan, kenapa tiba-tiba kemampuanku merangkai kata sirna ya? Jujur saja, hanya kepadamu kata-kataku selalu tertahan dan keluar berkelindan dan acak adul. Tuhkan, aku tidak koheren lagi. Tapi dalam kasus ini aku menyalahkan jiwaku yang belum terkumpul rapi karena tersentak bangun dari mimpi yang terasa nyata sekali. Hitung mundur masinis itu masih terngiang. Tangga itu masih terasa. Stasiun yang mirip manggarai namun agak seperti Stasiun Bogor yang bercampur dengan imajinasiku tentang stasiun-stasiun di Jepang karya Murakami. Aku masih bisa mendengar Kelapa Gading disebut, aku masih bisa merasakan ketergesaanku dan aku masih mengingatmu. Meskipun aku sekarang sudah lupa, kita tadi habis menonton pertunjukan apa sih? Ingin sekali kutanya padamu karena kita berada di gedung yang sama dan kita berada di Stasiun yang sama pula.

Di saat seperti inilah aku bingung, entah ingin menyalahkan, berterima kasih, atau merutuk pencipta Stasiun kereta. Atau padamu, yang sudah lancang sekali menginterupsi aku dan Stasiun. Aku harus berhenti. Lama-lama tulisanku benar-benar tidak koheren lagi. Tapi aku takut kalau aku terlelap lagi dan aku berada di Stasiun itu, kamu masih berada di sana. Melihatku kasat mata.

10 Februari 2020.

02:39

Apa kamu sedang berada di Stasiun?