The Loggerhead Shrike Brutally Silences Political Dissidents By Means Of Public Impalement Before Dismembering

The Loggerhead Shrike brutally silences political dissidents by means of public impalement before dismembering and ultimately consuming those who would dare attempt to change the status quo. Above, a grasshopper’s head and spine are removed from its freshly-impaled body for suggesting perhaps there should be fewer impalements.

Once cheered as a step forward for safety, the efficacy in reducing fatalities of the Red-Billed Oxpecker’s ‘hands-free’ operational mode is now being called into question. One recent study has indicated that the simple presence of an Oxpecker while browsing increases chances of predation by upwards of thirty percent! To their credit, Oxpecker manufacturers admit that one should not use any bird that may lead to distraction while performing dangerous activities like being a prey animal in the wilds of South Africa.

Royal Turkeys (unlike the endangered Goth Turkey) are very popular among that critical 70-95 monarchist demographic which so much of the world’s advertising targets. Clad in a body-tight suit of feathers from no fewer than eight birds and a fine hat crafted by Royal Flycatchers, these noble turkeys have been known for their lavish dinner parties and extended vacations in many of the world’s most exotic locales since before the Roman Empire fell.

Yusuke Murata (a leading paleontologist) has completed years of dedicated reconstruction work, and proven once and for all that the Tyrannosaurus Rex was in fact more fearsome than anyone could have possibly imagined. These fierce beasts were at least twenty times cuddlier and flooftastic than even the most adorable snugglebugs known to modern science, and woe betide unto those who smoosh their faces into its adorable feathery tum tum as the Tyrant King knows no mercy.

Back during the second World War, so many women were required on the assembly lines that a new source of labour was needed to cover their more traditional roles. We are all familiar with the Stork’s wartime role in neonatal care, but less well-known is just how heavily the Secretary Bird impacted the expected duties of a secretary. Before the war, a secretary was expected to coordinate schedules and handle confidential information on behalf of their immediate superior. After the war, secretaries were largely ornamental, expected to be long of both leg and eyelash with somewhere between a six and seven foot wingspan (so famously portrayed by Christina Hendricks in AMC’s smash-hit docudrama Mad Men).

Unlike others in the family Ardeidae, the Great Blue Heron completely lacks cervical vertebrae. This (in combination with a great love for limoncello and diet primarily consisting of small fish and rodents) has earned it the sobriquet of ‘Avian Danny DeVito’.