As I Rush To The Window, Hoping To Catch A Glimpse Of The Light Show Foretold By The Slight Thunder Of

As I rush to the window, hoping to catch a glimpse of the light show foretold by the slight thunder of explosions outside, I am reminded of the fact that I am currently heavily intoxicated, and that my recollection of the relative velocities of sound and light may, in fact, have been reversed.

On a random, sleep-deprived whim, I started playing my Let’s-get-through-this-grading playlist at 1.5x speed, and OMG, where has this secret been all my life?! Mental focus through the roof!

Me: Zooming into the reflection in the TV trying to determine if this is a ‘70s photo or a modern photo with a ‘70s aesthetic.

Voice in my head: Dude, it’s a nice photo of a hot guy showing off his legs and the edges of his nether regions. Just relax and enjoy it.

Also me: Finally noticing his notepad has USB ports and feeling satisfied. 😅

My 40-year-old ass just used, “noi shiitat,” as a legitimate swear.

Hilary Duff credit cards: *exist*

Me: Do these belong to a spoiled teen or a creepy middle-aged dad who probably shouldn’t be left alone with his daughter’s friends?

If you wish to be a warrior, prepare to be broken. If you wish to be an explorer, prepare to get lost. If you wish to be a lover, prepare to be both.

- Saint