The Deal With New Age, In A Nutshell

The deal with New Age, in a nutshell

New Age, neopaganism, and witchcraft are neither synonymous nor mutually inclusive. Anyone who says they are either hasn’t done their research, or is lying to you.

New Age comes from Theosophy, a movement started by Helena Blavatsky, a white woman whose mission was ostensibly to seek out the perennial philosophy in the world’s religions. However, plenty of evidence points to Blavatsky being less than honest.

Helena Blavatsky was racist as fuck. She presumed to know what the traditions of non-white people were about better than they did themselves. She also wasn’t shy about referring to POC as s*v*ges. Some of her fans claim that she wasn’t actually racist because she had positive things to say about some POC, but she was basically painting them as pure and uncorrupted by civilization, so… still racist.

She was also into that gender essentialism that TERFs love oh so much - for example, she claimed that the goats of Thor’s chariot represented male power, while the reins that held them in place represented the female principle. Because, you know, women are passive yet restrain men from running absolutely wild.

Seriously if you have any doubt that this woman’s mind was full of rancid garbage, just flip through Isis Unveiled and The Secret Doctrine for yourself; they’re literally free online.

The term “New Age” refers to what Helena Blavatsky called the Fifth Round (supposedly, we’re currently in the Fourth Round). Basically she believed that humanity is on a path of spiritual evolution, and that we’re about to enter a new phase in our evolution. This right here is the core tenet of New Age belief.

Entering the Fifth Round basically entails most of humanity dying off, leaving behind those enlightened (particularly by Blavatsky’s teachings) enough to become the fifth root race; IE, the progenitors of the next wave of humanity.

This is literally spiritual eugenics.

Helena Blavatsky didn’t invent Nazism but boy howdy did Nazis love her ideas, which should tell you a lot about what she peddled.

Like any other religious movement, New Age has evolved over time and not all members believe the exact same things. However, they pretty much all believe that getting on the spiritual evolution train means following their practices and subscribing to their beliefs.

Modern New Agers still perpetuate colonialism by presuming to understand what other people’s religious traditions are about better than they do.

Modern New Agers are huge fans of the ancient aliens hypothesis, which has always been racist bullshit.

So yeah, it’s still spiritual eugenics, and it’s still racist as hell.

They are constantly spiritualizing health conditions. Like being tired and sad all the time is supposedly an “ascension symptom.” Tinnitus is supposedly the universe trying to communicate with you. Symptoms of autism and ADHD supposedly mean you’re a starseed, indigo child, crystal child, or whatever else.

Starseeds, supposedly, are alien beings who have incarnated into human bodies in order to help Earth ascend by spreading New Age teachings. Basically, they’re missionaries from space.

New Agers claim starseeds were attested in many ancient traditions (especially Egyptian and Mesoamerican), but not a single one of them can produce a single scrap of evidence to substantiate this. (Literally the oldest text I’ve ever been able to locate that contains anything resembling a starseed is The Martian, an 1898 fiction novel.)

See how the racism just keeps compounding?

New Age is deeply tied into right wing conspiracy theories. The New Age to alt right pipeline is well-documented phenomena.

New Agers push spiritual bypassing and toxic positivity like whoa nelly. Some of them are worse about it than others, but it’s an extremely common thing.

A lot of them believe in what’s in The Emerald Tablets of Thoth the Atlantean (not to be confused with The Emerald Tablet), a text that popped up in the early 20th century and claims a guy from Atlantis took over Egypt and taught them Atlantean spirituality. (This is very much in contradiction to what Plato said about Atlantis and Egypt, btw.)

New Agers are deeply into the Law of Attraction, which derives from New Thought, which is basically what happens when a bunch of rich fucks who don’t understand economics decide to spiritualize wealth.

And of course, there are the SCAMS. New Age is absolutely rife with scams, from people selling chunks of glass as powerful crystals for hundreds of dollars (the so-called “Andara crystals”), to people claiming to have “ancient wisdom” or “Native wisdom” they just made up, to all kinds of medical scams.

So yeah, no, there’s no good reason to respect New Age beliefs, because they are rancid.

Is it me or does freaky little scavenger kinda look like a rhamphorhychus?

freaky little scavenger

Okay, this is pretty funny. Also Monty Python's the Holy Grail is goated!

I was going to post this when the second half of this was closer to being completed, but I've been busy elsewhere, and haven't had time, and I wanted to share this.

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Alcohol tips for newbie writers (or non drinkers!):

At bars, people who order “chasers” after their shots are ordering something to wash down the taste of their shot with. This can be juice, soda, more alcohol, or even pickle juice

Hard liquor is generally sold in stores as shots (tiny bottles), fifths, liters, and handles or in ml (50, 100, 200 etc)

Most people can’t finish an entire fifth of hard liquor (vodka, etc) on their own without being very ill

Conversely, many people can finish an entire bottle of wine on their own without being ill

Liquor can be “bottom shelf” or “rail” or “well” – all synonyms for the cheapest version of alcohol a bartender has. Bars generally keep several “levels” of alcohol stocked

You order a drink with the alcohol first, then the mix – e.g., a “vodka soda” or a “Tito’s and tonic”

When you “close out a tab”, you pay for all of the drinks you’ve had that night. Either the bartender already has your card (you “opened a tab” earlier) or it was quiet enough that they just kept an eye on you and tallied your bill up at the end

“Doubles” are drinks or shots with double the standard pour of alcohol

In the US, most shots (pours) are 1.5 oz by default. 

Mixed drinks (gin and tonic, vodka lemonade, cosmos, etc) are generally made up of 1-2 shots and a mixer 

If you don’t specify which type of alcohol you’d like in a mixed drink (vodka cranberry, for example) the bartender will put whatever the “house” liquor is – and this depends entirely on the establishment. A dive bar will pour rail by default, whereas a nicer tavern might make all vodka cranberries with Tito’s

PLEASE TIP YOUR BARTENDERS THEY WILL REMEMBER YOU I PROMISE