Friggin' Photos

Friggin' Photos

So I actually managed to take a few photos since this weekend, planning on posting them yesterday through the rest of the month. But of course, I try pulling them up on my computer and no new photos are showing on the memory card. My old stuff is there, mostly just stuff from my trips to Australia and the UK, but even some of those don't show up. I don't know if it is something wrong with my camera (the thing is like 9 years old), the memory card, or it just doesn't work with my new laptop. I'm gonna try a few things, so hopefully I'll be able to post them up in the next day or two (I know, the anticipation is probably killing the few of you who do read this). I'm gonna be a little ticked off if I finally managed to make myself take a few photos, and then the stupid things won't even post. Sorry for rambling on. Also, if anyone has any ideas to fix the issue, please let me know.

April Photo a Day Challenge: #4 Bent

I HATE photos of myself. No matter who takes them, but specially the ones I take of myself - so I almost never do. BUT, I have decided that I'm gonna do a variation of the 365 picture challenge thing. At least one photo of myself per week for a year. So a 52 photo challenge I guess. Hopefully it will help me get over my HATRED/fear of having my picture taken. So here it is: Photo 1/52

Some basic information

As I said in my first post, I want this tumblr page to help me grow as a person. I am a MAJOR INTROVERT. I have a lot of social phobias/anxieties. I'm terrified of public speaking (oral reports in school were the worst), I feel very uneasy in a crowd or places with lots of people, as well as parties and even crowded restaurants. And unfortunately that led to my social skills being pretty underdeveloped. So even on the rare occasions when I force myself out of my comfort zone, I don't really know how to socialize. It even has an impact on me trying to socialize online, though fortunately not as much. Talking to anyone is extremely difficult. When I'm speaking to someone, it feels like someone is reaching into my lungs and forcefully dragging the air out through my chest.

I have very few friends, which I don't necessarily think is a bad thing, I would definitely like some more, and to have the ability to socialize and communicate with them at least a little more. It is very difficult to open up to anyone. I barely do so with my closest friends and family. Doing so online though seems a little easier. Kind of like there is a veil or something there, so if I were to get hurt by doing so, it wouldn't hurt as much as in person. I don't like myself, or even anything about me. I'm reminded every couple of minutes of another reason to further hate myself. And no matter what physical shape I am in, I always look ugly in my own eyes. This is admittedly a good portion of the reason I don't like having my photo taken (although not the only reason). In fact, I think I look even WORSE in photos. I would rarely ever let photos be taken of me, and it was even rarer for me to post them. This, among other things which might be discussed in time, helped push me into depression. I was diagnosed about a year ago with moderate-to-severe depression, although I have had it for a while longer. I'm still depressed a lot of the time, but I have been trying to get better the last couple of months. And that's part why I decided to start writing this. Even opening up this much is difficult, and I feel like I both haven't said enough and have rambled on far too long. But I know I have to force my way out of my own comfort zone in order to get better. Even if it is just bit by bit. But I'd like to ask that if anyone does ever read this thing, PLEASE ask me questions and talk with me a bit. I think that it may be easier to answer questions others have, rather than just write about things somewhat randomly.

Oh, Eleven.

Body Goals - Short Term This is somewhere along the lines of what I want my body type to be in the near future.