Boundless, Cynthia Hand

Boundless, Cynthia Hand

“You call me up after not speaking for 13 months only to say I’m glad you’re happy, that’s all I ever wanted for you. How dare you say those words when for years you tormented me and broke me. You knowingly hurt me, you know that I’m now able to breathe fresh air after nothing but the smell of your poisonous gas for years and it’s killing you isn’t it? You know what I am damn happy finally and it’s not because of you or anyone else for that matter, I did this all on my own. I don’t need you anymore and I hope the thought of that breaks your heart.”

— B.L letters I never sent (via im-sad-lets-have-sex)

I go to bed every single night wondering why having me wasn’t enough for you.

It’s scary to love.

Because once I love someone, unloving them will not happen easily.

They can break my heart, twist it in their hands, and stomp on it.

And yet, I foolishly will forgive them for the pain they caused.

I will forgive them for the nights that I screamed into my pillow in agony trying to comprehend how someone could break me in every single spot.

How could that person break me, when all I ever wanted was to make them feel whole.

People walk away.

They let go,

And I’m always the one trying to reassemble the ties they so desperately wanted to cut.

So here I am, stuck. Stuck between being afraid to love you and wanting to love you. You are the first person I’ve ever felt this way about and I know this is going to ruin me.

I can’t stop falling for you.

You’d think that nothing can break your heart more than what they did to you, but then you make the mistake of reading your old conversations with them? And you can pinpoint the exact moment where the tone of their messages changed. The exact moment after which it was only you who initiated conversation. The exact moment they stopped putting in effort. The exact moment they decided they didn’t want you anymore. And there is nothing worse than that.